第一篇：【留學生求職】高盛的人都在電梯里面聊什么八卦？

海歸求職網(wǎng)（004km.cn）-專注留學生海歸求職培訓輔導服務

【留學生求職】高盛的人都在電梯里面聊什么八卦？

話說高盛集團當時甚至為了找出這個推特賬號的幕后管理者開展過內(nèi)部調(diào)查呢~ 后來幕后真人被媒體報道出來啦，《紐約時報》披露了他的身份，Twitter賬戶“高盛電梯八卦”的管理者是John Lefevre（約翰·勒費夫爾）

勒費夫爾曾在亞洲從事過多年銀行業(yè)務，不過主要并不是在高盛，他是前花旗銀行的一位高管，曾在花旗供職7年，從事債券相關(guān)業(yè)務，在John Lefevre的身份被曝光后，高盛當時還十分“頑皮”的發(fā)布了一條聲明：“我們非常高興地宣布，從即日起禁止在電梯里談話這條禁令被正式取消?！?/p>

看看，高盛也是接地氣萌萌噠有木有！

據(jù)八妹了解，勒費夫爾最新的進展是出了一本書，書名叫《那些年我發(fā)過的八卦》ps :此書名請大家自行忽略，因為純屬八妹虛構(gòu)！

勒費夫爾的確是出了一本書沒錯，書名可不叫什么八卦的，而是《Straight to Hell: True Tales of Deviance, Debauchery, and Billion-Dollar Deals》，這書名也是太長了。

他的這本書內(nèi)容可不是講什么高盛八卦，而是更多地涉及廣泛的債券市場，以及負責銷售債券的銀團業(yè)務經(jīng)營者的習慣。

接下來重點來了，其實是想給大家分享一下@GS Elevator Gossip 的那些當時在Twitter上很火很經(jīng)典的段子，估計有一些大家都看過了，但還是給沒看過的朋友們分享一下，為了更淺顯易懂，適當修改了其中的部分翻譯。

以下資料整理自人人網(wǎng)伍宇翔的日志&Twitter（部分翻譯略有修改）

負責任的說，段子確實都挺經(jīng)典的！

#1: Trader : What do you mean the market is showing this number? Bullshit...Because I am the market.#1:交易員：你說市場給出這些數(shù)據(jù)是什么意思？放你的狗屁！老子就是市場！#1:Those who can do, do.Those who can't, work at Morgan Stanley.#1:能干活的都在干活，干不了活的都滾去摩根斯坦利了。#1: Abortions are just expensive condoms.#1:打胎只是貴點的安全套。海歸求職網(wǎng)（004km.cn）-專注留學生海歸求職培訓輔導服務

#1: Diversity, to an Indian, is hiring a Paki.#1:多樣性對于印度人而言，就是雇傭一個巴基斯坦人。#1:Profits, not market share.We're not Citigroup.#1:利潤！不是他媽的市場份額！我們又不是特么的花旗銀行！#1: The lottery is just a way of taxing poor people who don?t know math.#1：彩票不過是對那些不懂數(shù)學的窮人征稅而已。#1: If life?s a game, money is how you keep score.#1：如果生命是一場游戲，金錢就是你的算分牌。

#1: Magazines dedicate entire issues to ?Women in Business.? #2: How much can you write about secretaries? #2(to Skirt#1): Kidding.#1：這期雜志花了一整期去講商界里的女人。#2：秘書有什么好講的？？？#2（對后面女生講）：開玩笑啦。。

#1: Some chick asked me what I would do with 10 million bucks.I told her I?d wonder where the rest of my money went.#1:有些妞問我如果我有一千萬會干嘛。我告訴她，我會很不解我別的錢都到哪里去了。#1: Coupon… Food stamps for the middle class.#1：優(yōu)惠卷是中產(chǎn)階級的糧票。。

#1: I love it when someone starts a sentence with ?When I was at Goldman Sachs?… Well, you aren?t at Goldman Sachs now, cocksucker.#1：我是真心喜歡聽到某些人開口就說：當我還在高盛的時候。。好吧，你現(xiàn)在在哪里哦？

#1: Know the difference between a buy-side and a sell-side guy? The buy-side guy says ?Fuck you? before they hang up the phone.#1：知道買方和賣方的區(qū)別嗎？買方的家伙掛電話前都說操你媽。#1: I wish I invested in poverty.It?s up 60% since 2001.#2: We did.#1：如果當年我可以投資貧窮這樣東西就好了。從2001起都漲了60%了。#2：我們有啊 海歸求職網(wǎng)（004km.cn）-專注留學生海歸求職培訓輔導服務

#1: I pick up my 458 Italia on Tuesday.#2: You need to save some stuff for your mid-life crisis.#1：我周二去取我的法拉利458。#2：你也不為你的中年危機存點錢。。

#1: I deleted my birthdate from Facebook the week before my birthday.Only 3 of my friends remembered.#1：我生日前一周Facebook上刪了我的生日。特么只有3個人記得。。ED#1(to 1st year Analyst): I would agree with you, but then we?d both be fucking wrong.執(zhí)行總裁#1對新人：我如果同意你的說法，那樣我們都特么錯了呀。#1: Asian girlfriends are just whores who get paid in Louis Vuitton.#1：亞裔女友們都只是用LV包包付款的whore罷了

#1: Linsanity is destroying my basketball league.Every Asian kid thinks they?re 6 inches taller all of a sudden.#1：林來瘋（林書豪）徹底毀了我們的籃球隊了。每個亞裔小朋友都仿佛一夜之間高了6寸似的

[Harvard] #1: I got a job at McKinsey, the Goldman of consulting.#2: I got a job at Goldman, the fucking Goldman of banking.『哈佛校園』#1：我在麥肯錫找到工作了，咨詢界的高盛！#2：我在高盛找到工作了，特么銀行界的高盛！

#1: I already know I?m going to Hell.So, at this point it?s go big or go home.#1：我早知道我遲早會下地獄。所以現(xiàn)在要么玩大的要么回家。

#1: Living my life is like playing Call of Duty on Easy.I just go around and fuck shit up.#1：過我的生活就像玩低難度的使命召喚。就是隨便到處走走開槍掃人。。#1: I tell every new hire the same thing.Spend that cash.No one needs a $100 million funeral.#2: Or a $50 million ex-wife.#1：我每年總是這樣告訴新人，把錢都花了吧。沒有人需要一個一億的葬禮。#2：或者一個半億的前妻。。海歸求職網(wǎng)（004km.cn）-專注留學生海歸求職培訓輔導服務

#1: Hey, do you have change for a $20? #2: $20′s are change, bro.#1:嘿，有20塊零錢嗎？#2：老兄，20塊不就是零錢嗎？？？

#1: If you can only be good at one thing, be good at lying… Because if you?re good at lying, you?re good at everything.#1：如果你只能精通一樣東西，你應該精通撒謊，如果你精通撒謊，那你就精通所有東西了！

MD #1: I would vote for Obama… just to watch him age for another 4 years.經(jīng)理#1：我還是會投票奧巴馬連任的，想看他快速衰老多4年

#1: AAPL says the US doesn?t have workers w/ the skills to make iPhones.#2: It takes a lot of skill to survive on 70￠ an hour.#1：蘋果說，美國提供不了有適應技巧的工人去做愛瘋。#2：是啊，靠70美仙的時薪生存真的很講技巧。。

#1: I don?t let my kids watch Lady Gaga.She has such a negative message… If you?re ugly, you have to dress like a freak.#1：我不會讓我的小朋友看雷帝嘎嘎。她在傳遞多么負面的信息呀，如果你長得難看，就得穿得像個怪胎

#1: Filing for bankruptcy is a Kodak moment.#1：申請破產(chǎn)是一個柯達時刻（厄。?？逻_剛申請破產(chǎn)，他們當年的廣告詞就是Kodak moment）

[Columbia lecture today] Prof: Why?s it so hard to get a job at Goldman Sachs? Student: I?m not the right person to ask, I got an offer.『哥倫比亞大學課堂』教授：為什么現(xiàn)在在高盛找份工作那么難？學生：表問我。。我拿到他家offer了

#1: Blacking out is just your brain clearing it?s browser history.#1：宿醉就是你的大腦在清理瀏覽記錄。

#1: In the words of Benjamin Franklin, ?if we say that money doesn?t buy happiness, it might stop poor people from robbing us.?

#1：本杰明富蘭克林說過，如果金錢買不了幸福，起碼可以阻止窮人來搶劫我們呀。海歸求職網(wǎng)（004km.cn）-專注留學生海歸求職培訓輔導服務

#1: The PWM chicks know how to dress.#2(nods): Pretty good wife material.Hot but not slutty-looking.Smart but not too smart.#1：那些個人理財?shù)逆ざ迷撛趺创┮路?/p>

#2（點頭）：當老婆的好料。性感而不淫蕩，聰明而不耍心機。

#1: My only real concern about Romney is that he doesn?t drink.How can we trust him?

#1：我唯一擔心Romney（共和黨候選人）的是，他不喝酒呀，叫我怎么信他呢？ #1: if you have a job where you have to wear a nametag, nobody gives a shit what your name is.#1：如果你有份工作需要帶名牌，那就表明其實沒人管你你叫什么鳥。。#1: Bank of America is the Kmart of banks.#2: Kmart sucks.#1: Thanks, Rain Man.#1：美國銀行就是銀行中的Kmart。#2：Kmart很爛耶。#1：謝謝！

ED#1(to 1st year analysts): If I ever hear about something I say mentioned on Twitter, I?ll fucking kill you.執(zhí)行總裁對第一年新人：如果我見到有人把我說的話發(fā)微博，我特么殺了你們！#1: Only 55% of Americans between the ages of 16-29 have jobs.#2: Fuck them.They got that ass clown elected in the first place.#1：現(xiàn)在只有55%的年齡介乎16到29的美國人有工作了。#2：活該，誰讓他們選那白癡上臺

#1: Whenever I see a black guy with my last name, I can?t help but wonder if my family used to own his.#1：每當我看到有黑人和我一樣姓，我就會想，幾百年前我們家是不是買了他們家了？ 海歸求職網(wǎng)（004km.cn）-專注留學生海歸求職培訓輔導服務

#1: Obama is aging fast enough for Morgan Freeman to play him in a movie.#1：奧巴馬衰老得那么快，Morgan Freeman都快可以在電影里面演他了

#1: Almost time for children to learn a valuable life lesson.Santa loves rich kids more.#1：（圣誕臨近）是時候給小朋友上寶貴的一課了，圣誕老人是比較愛那些有錢人孩子的

#1: Fact.Nearly 50% of all American workers have less than $10k saved for retirement.#2: Fuck.That wouldn?t cover a ski weekend.#1：事實上，將近50%的美國工薪階層銀行里面存來退休的錢不足一萬。#2：靠，還不夠周末去滑個雪

#1: If riding the bus doesn't incentivize you to improve your station in life, nothing will.如果擠公共汽車都沒法刺激你去改善自己人生的靠站，沒別的東西可以了。#1:Obama wants to raise taxes on people making $250k a year.#2:(laughs): Why is he raising taxes on the poor? #1:奧巴馬想提高年薪高于25萬美元的那部分人的稅。#2:（笑）：他干嘛想提高窮人的稅？

#1: I love watching Asian guys smell and swirl their wine obnoxiously.And then their faces get all blotchy.Pussies.#1：我真喜歡看到那些搞笑的亞洲人把酒杯搖了又聞，聞了又搖，好像很陶醉的樣子。白癡。。

#1: If people never trust a skinny chef, they shouldn?t want their bankers to be poor.#1：如果人們不相信一個瘦廚師會做出好吃的東西，那他們不應該希望他們的銀行家窮呀

#1: Fuck that.When I was an analyst, I had to eat an entire ?wasabi roll?.What we called team-building, you faggots call bullying.#1：操，我還是新人的時候，我得他媽吞掉一整條芥末手卷。我們所說的構(gòu)建團隊，就是你們所謂的恃強凌弱 海歸求職網(wǎng)（004km.cn）-專注留學生海歸求職培訓輔導服務

#1: Sending flowers to her office is like a big neon sign to her coworkers saying, “The asshole screwed up again.”

#1：送花去她辦公室就是明擺告訴她的同事，這白癡又搞砸了。。

#1: If you want a friend, get a dog.If you want a friend with benefits, find some chick who?s in PR.#1：需要朋友？買條狗吧。需要(靠，我討厭炮友這個詞）？你得搞上幾個做公關(guān)的妞 MD#1: Every horrible wife starts out as an adorable girlfriend.經(jīng)理#1：每個悍妻都曾是人見人愛的女友。

#1: The only reason I do yoga is so I can meet girls.#2: I just tell chicks I do yoga.#1：我做瑜伽的唯一原因是，可以認識女孩。。#2：我在美眉面前都聲稱我做瑜伽。。

#1: He?s got 1,800 Facebook friends, and can?t get 40 people to go to his wedding.#1：他Facebook上面一千八好友，卻他媽拉不來40個人去他婚禮 #1: Swinging by Tiffany?s to buy a gift.#2(looks cynically): Why don?t you get her something nice? #1：準備晃過Tiffany?s的時候買點禮物。#2（滿臉疑惑）：拜托，干嘛不買點好些的呢？

#1: Getting rich isn?t that hard.Any hot girl with questionable morals can do it.#1：要發(fā)達不是那么難。任何一個道德有問題的辣妹都做得到。

#1: Being a Republican voter is like being a mid-30s chick, you?ll just have to settle.And you?ve probably had better.#1：投票給共和黨的人就像30多歲的中年婦女，是時候安定下來了。。你最好安定下來。。不然。。

Skirt#1: I have a Birkin bag, but I think it?s totally inappropriate for client meetings.女生#1：哎喲，悄悄告訴你哦，我有一個Birkin包包，不過呢，我覺得帶它去見客戶是完全不適合的，哦呵呵呵呵呵。。海歸求職網(wǎng)（004km.cn）-專注留學生海歸求職培訓輔導服務

#1: It?s a make-or-break week for Europe.#2: They say that every week…The EU has more rescue plans than Obama has vacation days.#1：這周歐洲又他媽是要么成功要么破產(chǎn)時刻了。

#2他們每周都干這個。。歐盟需要拯救的日子快趕上奧巴馬去度假的時間了。#1: Miami this weekend.#2: Where you staying?

#1: Haven?t booked yet.Planning?s for the poor.#1：這周末去邁阿密。#2：住哪里？

#1：沒訂呢，窮人才需要預先計劃

#1: Climbing Mount Everest is the hardest thing I?ve ever done on my résumé.#1：爬上喜馬拉雅山是我在簡歷上做過最壯烈的事情了。

#1: A protester sees my Benz, and wants to rip me out of it.A real man sees my car, and wants to work hard so he can buy it one day.#1：（占領(lǐng)華爾街）一個抗議者看到我的奔馳，想把我拖下來。他媽一個真男人看到我的車，就應該發(fā)奮圖強好有一天他也能買一輛。

#1: Being spotted in economy class must be like having your parents visit you at boarding school in a shitty rental car.#1：坐經(jīng)濟艙碰到熟人肯定就像上寄宿學校爸媽來看時被碰到你開著租來的小破車 #1: You?re going to Hell in just about any religion.#2: First class, baby…

#1：你哦，無論信什么教都是要下地獄的啦。#2：坐頭等艙去的呢，baby

#1: Black Friday is the Special Olympics of capitalism.#1：黑色星期五的瘋狂購物就是資本主義的殘疾奧運會。。海歸求職網(wǎng)（004km.cn）-專注留學生海歸求職培訓輔導服務

#1: It used to be that if you could predict a market event, you could predict a market response.Now, you can?t predict either.#1：要是當年，如果你能預測市場事件，你就是預測市場走向?，F(xiàn)在？你他媽兩個都猜不了。

#1: Knowing that you don?t understand women is understanding women.#2: Thanks Socrates.#1：懂得你不懂得女人就是懂得女人。#2：謝謝你，蘇格拉底。。

#1: Thanks to the economic crisis, waitressing got upgraded from a job to a career.#1：感謝金融危機，餐廳當服務生都成體面的職業(yè)了。。

#1: I would join them, but I have to occupy this job so I can go home and occupy my wife.#1（關(guān)于占領(lǐng)華爾街）：我可以加入他們啊，但是我得先占領(lǐng)我現(xiàn)在這份工作，那樣我晚上回家才可以占領(lǐng)我老婆。。

#1: If Occupy Wall Street had happened 15 or 20 years ago, Obama would?ve been right out there with them, ?organizing.?

#1：如果占領(lǐng)華爾街發(fā)生在15或者20年前，奧巴馬沒準肯定跑去當組織者了 #1: Life is short.#2: It?s the longest thing I?ll ever do.#1：人生苦短。。

#2：那可是我做過最長久的事情了

#1: My professor at Wharton always said, ?you can marry more money in 5 minutes than you can make in a lifetime, even at Goldman Sachs.?

#1：我沃頓商學院的教授總是說：你可以在5分鐘內(nèi)嫁給你一輩子都賺不了的錢，即使在高盛。

#1: Congress is allowed to trade on insider information.#2: And only half of them are millionaires.海歸求職網(wǎng)（004km.cn）-專注留學生海歸求職培訓輔導服務

#1: Losers.#1：國會里的人允許用內(nèi)幕消息交易耶。#2：他們才一半人有百萬資產(chǎn)。1：正白癡。。

#1: I?ve never said I ?hate? anyone because that would imply I had any emotion for them whatsoever.#1：我從來不會說我“恨”某人，搞得我好像真的對他動過什么感情似的。#1: Wives & Girlfriends are temporary.Ex-Wives & Ex-Girlfriends last forever.#2: Who said that? #1: Kenny Powers.#1：老婆，女友都是暫時的。前妻和前女友才是永恒的。#2：誰說的?

#1: Kenny Powers（這誰呀？？？）

#1: The only reason I have a home phone is so I can find my cell phone.#2: Our maid does that.#1：我會在家里裝電話的唯一原因是，那樣可以找到我的手機。#2：咱家的工人干那些

#1： My Mom always said I was ?one-in-a-million.? #2: So, that means there are 7,000 people just like you.#1：我媽總是說我是百萬中挑一的。#2：所以世上還有7000個像你一樣的人

#1: We?re going to dress up as Wiseguys for Halloween.Flashy suits & cheap jewelry.#2: People will just think you work at Morgan Stanley.#1：我們打算萬圣節(jié)扮成Wiseguys哦。亮瞎的西裝還有地攤廉價珠寶。#2：靠，你不怕別人以為你在摩根斯坦利上班哦？ 海歸求職網(wǎng)（004km.cn）-專注留學生海歸求職培訓輔導服務

#1: Don?t worry, some people are their own punishment in life.#1：別擔心，有些人活著就是受罪。。

#1: It?s pretty amazing how many people in Chengdu say their name is Ross, Rachel, Chandler, or Monica.#1：你會吃驚在成都有多少人說他們叫Ross，Rachel，Chandler或者Monica。。（Friends看多了吧。。）

#1: Alcohol won?t solve your problems.#2: Tofu and yoga won?t solve yours.#1：信我吧，酒精解決不了你的問題。#2：豆腐和瑜伽也解決不了你的。。

#1: I always tell my Chinese clients, ?Being morally bankrupt won?t affect your credit rating.?

#1：我總是告訴我的中國客戶：道德破產(chǎn)不會影響你的信貸評分。

#1: HK chicks go to China to buy fake Louis Vuitton shit & mainlanders come to HK to buy the real shit.#2: So then who shops at Coach?

#1：香港妞都到大陸去買假LV，大陸的卻跑到香港去買真貨。#2：那誰買Coach呀？

#1: Bill Gates has a 15-year old daughter.#2: Shit.I can wait 3 years.#1: Less than that if she does semester abroad somewhere cool.#1：比爾蓋茨有個15歲的女兒。#2：操，我可以等3年等她18歲。

#1：不用那么久，要是她到國外做交換生的話。

#1: I don?t even remember how I managed to ignore my wife at dinner before the Blackberry era.#1：我已經(jīng)搞不清當年沒有黑莓我是怎么在吃晚飯的時候可以無視我老婆了。海歸求職網(wǎng)（004km.cn）-專注留學生海歸求職培訓輔導服務

#1: I sent Morgan Stanley my resume.#2: Why? #1: So i could reject them again.#1：我發(fā)了我的簡歷去摩根斯坦利。#2：你沒事吧？

#1：那樣可以再拒他們一次。

#1: Hong Kong sales can expense ?karaoke? bars where girls go home with you, and I get shit about a $1k dinner.Fuck that.#1：香港的業(yè)務員可以報銷那些有女陪你回家的K房，我卻他媽因為一頓一千的晚飯被揍。

#1: You see that insider trading story?

#2: The most embarrassing thing is that he only made like $60k.#1: If you?re gonna do it, DO it!#1：你看到那內(nèi)幕交易的新聞了嗎？ #2：最尷尬的是，他才賺了他媽六萬塊錢。#1：要搞就搞大它嘛。

#1: I always stand further back from the urinal so people think my dick?s bigger.#2: What happens if they look over.#1: They never look.#1：我上廁所總是站得比較靠后，周圍的人會以為我比較大。#2：他們真的看過來怎么辦？ #1：不會的。。

#1: Bali.Jo wants a destination wedding.#2: Nice, and the benefit of being far away, it?ll filter out any poor people u have to invite.#1：巴里，Jo想搞一個遠距離的婚禮。

#2：不錯嘛，遠距離的好處就是，可以過濾掉那些你不得不邀請的窮人們。。海歸求職網(wǎng)（004km.cn）-專注留學生海歸求職培訓輔導服務

#1: “You look like u didn?t go home last night.”

#2: “You look like u don?t remember getting home last night.” #1：你看來昨晚沒回家哦。#2：你看來不記得你昨晚回過家哦。

#1: “Irene f*cked up my weekend.Next available flight is in economy.” #2: “I would rather not fly.”

#1：臺風艾琳搞砸了我的周末，下一班飛機只有經(jīng)濟艙。#2：那我寧愿不飛。。

Suit#1: “Was that really an earthquake?” Suit#2: “No, I just dropped my wallet.”(laughter)西裝友1：剛才真的地震了？ 西裝友2：沒，我錢包掉了下來而已。

MD#1:(on cell phone getting into elevator)“Fuck you.” Hangs up.“Good Morning.” 常務董事（邊打電話邊進電梯）：“草泥馬”，掛電話，“嘿～大家早?！?/p>

#1: Why would I marry? It's betting some chick half my net worth that I will love her forever.#1: 為什么要結(jié)婚？用我一半身家去賭我會愛某個女人一輩子？

#1: Most people don't understand that God cast them as extras in this movie.#1：絕大多數(shù)人都不懂上帝是讓他們來這個世界跑龍?zhí)椎?。?/p>

#1: If she ever says 'If you can't handle me at my worst, you don't deserve me at my best,' she doesn't have a best.#1：如果她曾說：“如果你hold不住她最壞的時候，你不值得擁有她的最好?！?-她沒有最好的。。

#1: After I drink my coffee, I show my empty mug to the IT guy and tell him I've successfully installed Java.He hates me.#1：我喝完我的咖啡，給空杯子IT的人看，告訴他我成功安裝JAVA了！--他恨我 #1: Talent hits a target no one else can hit;genius hits a target no one else can see.海歸求職網(wǎng)（004km.cn）-專注留學生海歸求職培訓輔導服務

#1：人才做到別人做不到的；天才做到別人想不到的

#1: Relationships are like a seesaw.If one of you gets too bored or too fat, the fun is over.#1：戀愛就像翹翹板，任何一方變得太悶或者太肥，游戲就結(jié)束了 #1: If there really was a glass ceiling, we'd let all the women work above us.#1：如果真有玻璃天花，我們會讓所有女人都到上面工作去的

（玻璃天花板（glass ceiling）是指在公司企業(yè)或者機關(guān)團體中，限制某些人口群體，如女性、少數(shù)族裔，晉升到高級經(jīng)理及決策階層的障礙。）

Skirt#1: My 7yr old daughter finally met my ex-husbands new girlfriend, so now I have to explain to her what a cunt is.#女1：我七歲的女兒終于見了我前夫的新女友，我現(xiàn)在得向她解釋什么是賤×了 #1: I start every cell conversation with 'my phone's about to die' so they don't waste my time.#1：我每次接手機都先說?手機快沒電了?，好讓他們不要浪費我時間 文檔來源：專業(yè)留學生海歸求職培訓輔導機構(gòu) 海歸求職網(wǎng)AceCareer