第一篇：英語幽默：THREE WISHES 三個愿望

three wishes 三個愿望

a federal office worker finds a lamp in an old file drawer, and as he examines it a genie pops out.for his first of three traditional wishes, he wants to be on a beautiful deserted island.poof!there he is.next, of course, he wants the gorgeous babes, and poof!there they are.finally, he realizes he must sustain this great life and wishes he would never have to work.poof!he's back at the office.一名政府工作人員在一個放文件的舊抽屜里發(fā)現(xiàn)了盞油燈，在他檢查這盞油燈的時候，砰的一聲一個妖怪冒了出來。他的第一個愿望是要去一個美麗的荒島。砰！他就在那了。第二個愿望，他想要幾個漂亮的女郎。砰！她們出現(xiàn)了。最后，他想永遠過著無憂無慮的生活不用工作。砰！他回到了辦公室。

第二篇：羊的三個愿望

羊的三個愿望

上帝想了解地球上動物的和諧程度和生存現(xiàn)狀，于是把自己變成一只老虎。

上帝在調研途中發(fā)現(xiàn)路邊躺著一只傷痕累累、氣息微弱的羊。經(jīng)過詢問，上帝得知羊被狼所傷，于是深表同情，承諾可以滿足羊的三個愿望。

羊使勁抬起頭，用感激的眼神看著上帝說：“我想變成一只狼！”

上帝指著地上渾身是血的羊說：“變！”瀕臨死亡的羊，一下子變成了一只兇暴強悍的狼。

于是，上帝帶上狼跟隨自己一起巡查。剛剛走出幾十米遠，狼發(fā)現(xiàn)前面山坳有一群正低頭吃草的羊，它狼性大發(fā)，毫不猶豫地撲了上去??看著滿嘴毛和血的狼，上帝詰問狼為什么要獵殺自己同類。狼坦誠反問上帝：“我現(xiàn)在是狼不是羊，是狼就要吃肉，吃誰的肉不都一樣嗎？”

上帝搖了搖頭，表情復雜地引著狼繼續(xù)朝森林深處走去。

上帝所到之處，森林里大小動物或紛紛避讓，或熱情歡迎，或阿諛奉承。狼看著前面威風凜凜萬人敬仰的上帝，心里不免失去平衡，于是它迫不及待地說出了第二個愿望：“我要變成一只老虎?！闭從悴恢劣谕愊鄽垼系郦q豫片刻之后，滿足了羊的第二個愿望，羊由狼變成了一只跟上帝一樣威震山林雄霸一方的山大王——老虎。

老虎跟在上帝后面繼續(xù)巡山。老虎看著走在前面的上帝，越看越不順眼，幾欲偷襲撲殺，無奈勝算不大心存恐懼，只好忍氣吞聲忍辱負重。有道是“一山不容二虎”，今日有你無我，有我無你，老虎苦思冥想計上心來，于是向上帝提出了第三個愿望。

“君子一言，駟馬難追?！甭牭嚼匣⑻岢龅牡谌齻€愿望，上帝顯得有些為難，但轉而一想，自己是上帝，絕對不能失信于動物。于是上帝猶豫片刻，仰天長嘯：“變——”頓時狂風大作，樹葉飄飛，動物遁藏，霎時一位健壯魁梧、荷槍實彈的獵人站立在上帝面前。

當獵人黑洞洞的槍口對著自己腦袋的時候，上帝突然意識到自己還是一只普普通通的老虎，情急之下慌忙把自己變回萬能的上帝，怒指兇相畢露的獵人大吼三聲：“變——變——變！”獵人立馬變成老虎，然后由老虎變成狼，最后由狼還原成那只遍體鱗傷垂死掙扎的羊。

上帝心有余悸冷汗涔涔，后悔在沒有準確掌握動物“畜性”的情況下，不該輕易許愿，貿然行事。

第三篇：幽默英語

英語幽默對話buy you a drink?（我可以為你買一杯飲料嗎？）女:Actually I'd rather have the money.（不必，我我寧愿留下那些錢.)

經(jīng)典對話二：

男：Can I have your name?（直譯：我能有你的名字嗎？）

女：Why? Don't you already have one?（為什么？你不是已經(jīng)有一個了嗎？）經(jīng)典對話三：

男：I'm a photographer.I've been looking for a face like yours.（我是攝影師。我一直在尋找一張像你這樣的臉。）

女：I'm a plastic surgeon.I've been looking for a face like yours.（我是整形外科醫(yī)生。我也一直在尋找一張像你這樣的臉。）

經(jīng)典對話四：

男：Is this seat empty?（直譯：這個座位是空的吧？）

女：Yes, and this one will be if you sit down.（是的，如果你坐下，我的座位就是空的。）經(jīng)典對話五：

男：Haven't I seen you some place before?（我好像以前在什么地方見過你？）

女：Yes.That's why I don't go there anymore.（是的。這就是為什么我不再去那個地方的原因。）

經(jīng)典對話六：

男：Will you go out with me this Saturday?（這個星期六你想跟我出去嗎？）女：Sorry.I'm having a headache this weekend.（抱歉。這個周末我頭疼。）經(jīng)典對話七：

男：I think I could make you very happy.（我想我能讓你非?？鞓?。）

女：Why? Are you leaving?（是嗎？你是說你要離開？）

第四篇：英語幽默

The six-year-old John was terribly spoiled(被寵壞的).His father knew it, but his grandma doted on him.He hardly left her side.And when he wanted anything, he either cried or threw a temper tantrum(亂發(fā)脾氣).Then came his first day of school, his first day away from his grandmother's loving arms.When he came home from school his grandma met him at the door.Was school all right? she asked, Did you get along all right? did you cry?

Cry? John asked.No, I didn't cry, but the teacher did!

六歲的約翰嬌生慣養(yǎng)。他的父親知道這一點，可他的祖父母仍然寵著他。這孩子幾乎寸步不離他的祖母。他想要什么不是哭，就是鬧。他第一天上學才離開祖母的懷抱。約翰放學了，他奶奶在門口接他并問道：學校怎么樣?你過的好嗎?哭了沒有?哭?約翰問，不，我沒哭，可老師哭了。

Englishman

Once, late at night, an Englishman came out of his room into the corridor of a hotel and asked the servant to bring him a glass of water.The servant did as he was asked.The Englishman re-entered his room, but a few minutes later he came into the corridor again and once more asked the servant for a glass of water.The servant brought him another glass of water.Every few minutes the Englishmen would come out of his room and repeat his request.After a half-hour the astonished servant decided to ask the Englishman what he was doing with the water.“Nothing,” the Englishman answered imperturbably, “It’s simply that my room is on fire.”一個英國人

一天晚上，一個英國人從他住的旅店房間里走出來。來到走廊上，叫旅店的服務員給他拿一杯水來。服務員按他的要求做了。英國人回到了他的房間里，幾分鐘后 他又來到走廊上，讓服務員再給他送一杯水。服務員又給他送了一杯水。每隔幾分鐘。英國人就走出房間重復他的要求。半小時之后．這位感到驚訝的服務員決定問問房客要這些水干什么，英國人不謊不忙地回答：”沒什么．只不過是我的房間里起火了?！?/p>

A film crew was on location deep in the desert.One day an old Indian went up to the director and said, “Tomorrow rain.” The next day it rained.A week later, the Indian went up to the director and said, “Tomorrow storm.” The next day there was a hailstorm.“This Indian is incredible,” said the director.He told his secretary to hire the Indian to predict the weather.However, after several successful predictions, the old Indian didn't show up for two weeks.Finally the director sent for him.“I have to shoot a big scene tomorrow,” said the director, “and I'm depending on you.What will the weather be like?”The Indian shrugged his shoulders.“Don't know,” he said.“Radio is broken.”

天氣預報

一個電影攝制組在沙漠深處工作.一天,一個印度老人到導演跟前告訴導演說“明天下雨.”第二天果然下雨了.一周后,印度人又來告訴導演說,“明天有風暴.”果然,第二天下了雹暴.“印度人真神,”導演說.他告訴秘書雇傭該印度人來預報天氣.幾次預報都很成功.然后,接下來的兩周,印度人不見了.最后,導演派人去把他叫來了.“我明天必須拍一個很大的場景,”導演說,“這得靠你了.明天天氣如何啊?”

印度人聳了聳肩.“我不知道,”印度人說,“收音機壞了.”

第五篇：英語幽默故事

小學生英語故事

包括：幽默故事（1-7頁）、普通小故事（7-40頁）。激發(fā)小朋友們學英語的興趣，幫助他們提高成績。最好每天背一篇，會有不錯的效果的 O(∩_∩)O

英文幽默故事：

There was a guy who went into a shop to buy a parrot.There werethree parrots in the shop.One was $5,000;another one, $10,000;and the third one, $30,000.The customer asked the owner, “How come this guy is $5,000? That?s so expensive for this kindof parrot.” The owner said, “Because I have trained him and he can talk.” So the customer asked him, “How about this guy? What can he do that makes him so expensive?” The owner said, “Well, apart from talking, he can also do some amusing actions,like dancing and so on.That?s why he?s so expensive.” Then the customer said, “How about the third one? What canhe do that makes him so expensive?” The owner of the shopsaid, “I don?t know.Normally, I have never heard him talk, nor dance, nor whistle, nor sing, nothing at all!But the other two call him ?The Boss.?”

老板最大 有個人到一間商店買鸚鵡。店里有三只鸚鵡，其中一只賣五千元，另一只賣一萬元，還有一只賣三萬元。顧客問老板：「為什么這只要賣五千元？這個價錢對這種鸚鵡來說太貴了！」老板說：「因為我有訓練他講話。」顧客又問：「那這只呢？他會做什么？為什么要賣這么貴？」老板說：「他除了會說話之外，還會表演一些有趣的動作，好比說跳舞等等，所以才賣這么貴?！诡櫩徒又謫枺骸改堑谌荒?？他會做什么？為什么要賣這么貴？」老板說：「我不知道。我從沒聽過他講話、吹口哨或唱歌，也沒看過他跳舞，什么都沒有！不過另外兩只叫他：『老板！』」

Where is the egg? Teacher:Can you make a sentence with the word “egg”? Student:Yes.I ate a piece of cake yesterday.Teacher:Then where is the “egg“? Student:In the cake,Sir.雞蛋在哪里？

老師：你能用“雞蛋”一詞造句嗎？ 學生：可以。我昨天吃了一塊蛋糕。老師：“雞蛋”在哪？ 學生：在蛋糕里，先生

Tom is a little boy, and he is only seven years old.Once he goes to a cinema.It is the first time for him to do that.He buys a ticket and goes in.But after two or three minutes he comes out, and buys the second ticket and goes in again.After a few minutes he comes out again and buys the third ticket.Two or three minutes after that he comes out and asks for another ticket.But a girl asks him,“Why do you buy so many tickets? How many friends do you meet?” “No, I have no friends here, but a big woman always stops me at the door and cuts up my ticket.”

湯姆是個小孩，他才7歲。當他去電影院的時候。那時他第一次去。他買了張票進去了。但沒過兩三分鐘他就出來了，然后買了第二張票又進去了。幾分鐘后他又出來買了第三張票。接著兩三分鐘后他又出來買票。一個女的問她，“你為什么要買那么多票啊? 你見到了幾個朋友？” “沒有，我里面沒朋友，但是每當我進門的時候一位大的女人老把我的票給剪了”