第一篇：英語(yǔ)幽默小故事

英語(yǔ)幽默小故事

The Bear and the Two Travelers

TWO man were traveling together, when a Bear suddenly met them on their path.One of them climbed up quickly into a tree and concealed himself in the branches.The other, seeing that he must be attacked, fell flat on the ground, and when the Bear came up and felt him with his snout, and smelt him all over, he held his breath, and feigned the appearance of death as much as he could.The Bear soon left him, for it is said he will not touch a dead body.When he was quite gone, the other Traveler descended from the tree, and jocularly inquired of his friend what it was the Bear had whispered in his ear.“He gave me this advice,” his companion replied.“Never travel with a friend who deserts you at the approach of danger.”

An ant went to the bank of a river to quench its thirst, and being carried away by the rush of the stream, was on the point of drowning.A Dove sitting on a tree overhanging the water plucked a leaf and let it fall into the stream close to her.The Ant climbed onto it and floated in safety to the bank.Shortly afterwards a bird catcher came and stood under the tree, and laid his lime-twigs for the Dove, which sat in the branches.The Ant, perceiving his design, stung him in the foot.In pain the bird catcher threw down the twigs, and the noise made the Dove take wing.One good turn deserves another

Love Your Life

熱愛生活

Henry David Thoreau/享利.大衛(wèi).梭羅

However mean your life is,meet it and live it;do not shun it and call it hard names.It is not so bad as you are.It looks poorest when you are richest.The fault-finder will find faults in paradise.Love your life,poor as it is.You may perhaps have some pleasant,thrilling,glorious hourss,even in a poor-house.The setting sun is reflected from the windows of the alms-house as brightly as

from the rich man’s abode;the snow melts before its door as early in the spring.I do not see but a quiet mind may live as contentedly there,and have as cheering thoughts,as in a palace.The town’s poor seem to me often to live the most in dependent lives of any.May be they are simply great enough to receive without misgiving.Most think that they are above being supported by the town;

but it of ten happens that they are not above supporting themselves by dishonest means.which should be more disreputable.Cultivate poverty like a garden herb,like sage.Do not trouble yourself much to get new things,whether clothes or friends,Turn the old,return to them.Things do not change;we change.Sell your clothes and keep your thoughts.不論你的生活如何卑賤，你要面對(duì)它生活，不要躲避它，更別用惡言咒罵它。它不像你那樣壞。你最富有的時(shí)候，倒是看似最窮。愛找缺點(diǎn)的人就是到天堂里也能找到缺點(diǎn)。你要愛你的生活，盡管它貧窮。甚至在一個(gè)濟(jì)貧院里，你也還有愉快、高興、光榮的時(shí)候。夕陽(yáng)反射在濟(jì)貧院的窗上，像身在富戶人家窗上一樣光亮；在那門前，積雪同在早春融化。

我只看到，一個(gè)從容的人，在哪里也像在皇宮中一樣，生活得心滿意足而富有愉快的思想。城鎮(zhèn)中的窮人，我看，倒往往是過(guò)著最獨(dú)立不羈的生活。也許因?yàn)樗麄兒軅ゴ?，所以受之無(wú)愧。大多數(shù)人以為他們是超然的，不靠城鎮(zhèn)來(lái)支援他們；可是事實(shí)上他們是往往利用了不正當(dāng)?shù)氖侄蝸?lái)對(duì)付生活，他們是毫不超脫的，毋寧是不體面的。視貧窮如園中之花而像圣人一樣耕植它吧！不要找新的花樣，無(wú)論是新的朋友或新的衣服，來(lái)麻煩你自己。找舊的，回到那里去。萬(wàn)物不變，是我們?cè)谧儭Ｄ愕囊路梢再u掉，但要保留你的思想。

Ladies and Gentlemen, Good morning!I’m very glad to stand here and give you a short speech.Man’s life is a process of growing up, actually I’m standing here is a growth.If a person’s life must constituted by various choices, then I grow up along with these choices.Once I hope I can study in a college in future, however that’s passed, as you know I come here, now I wonder what the future holds for me.When I come to this school, I told to myself: this my near future, all starts here.Following I will learn to become a man, a integrated man, who has a fine body, can take on important task, has independent thought, an open mind, intensive thought, has the ability to judge right and wrong, has a perfect job.

Once my teacher said :” you are not sewing, you are stylist;never forget which you should lay out to people is your thought, not craft.” I will put my personality with my interest and ability into my study, during these process I will combine learning with doing.If I can achieve this “future”, I think that I really grow up.And I deeply believe kindred, good-fellowship and love will perfection and happy in the future.

How to say future? Maybe it’s a nice wish.Lets make up our minds, stick to it

and surely well enjoy our life.中文大意：）~

女士們，先生們，上午好。我很高興在這里為大家作一個(gè)簡(jiǎn)短的講話。

人的一生是一個(gè)成長(zhǎng)的過(guò)程，事實(shí)上，我現(xiàn)在站在這里也是一次成長(zhǎng)。如果一個(gè)人的一生必須面臨不同的選擇，那么我就是伴隨著這些選擇成長(zhǎng)起來(lái)的。曾經(jīng)我盼望將來(lái)能上大學(xué)，然而那已經(jīng)過(guò)去了，現(xiàn)在我在這兒，只想知道我的未來(lái)會(huì)是什么樣的。

當(dāng)我來(lái)到這所學(xué)校，我告訴我自己：我不久的將來(lái)都從這里開始。接著我要學(xué)習(xí)如何做人，如何做一個(gè)正直的人，并且擁有一個(gè)健康的體魄，能承擔(dān)重要的任務(wù)，能獨(dú)立思考，思想開放，心思縝密，有判斷是非的能力，有一份不錯(cuò)的工作。

我的老師曾經(jīng)告訴我說(shuō)：“你不是在修補(bǔ)而是在創(chuàng)造；永遠(yuǎn)不要忘記你向人們所展示的是你的思想，而不是你的手藝。”我會(huì)將我的性格，興趣愛好和能力一起融入到學(xué)習(xí)中去。在這過(guò)程中，我邊學(xué)習(xí)邊實(shí)踐。如果我能實(shí)現(xiàn)這個(gè)“未來(lái)”，我就認(rèn)為我真的成長(zhǎng)了。并且我深信我的親人，好朋友以及愛會(huì)使我的未來(lái)更完美，更幸福。

如何來(lái)解釋未來(lái)呢? 也許那只是一個(gè)美好的愿望。讓我們下定決心，堅(jiān)持到底，那我們的人生一定能過(guò)得很精彩。

世界節(jié)日（1）Spring Festival（春節(jié)）

作者：節(jié)日轉(zhuǎn)貼自：本站原創(chuàng)點(diǎn)擊數(shù)：578文章錄入： 湖北華審

The New Moon on the first day of the new year--the full moon 15 days later

Chinese New Year starts with the New Moon（新月）on the first day of the new year and ends on the full moon（滿月）15 days later.The 15th day of the new year is called the Lantern Festival（元宵節(jié)）, which is celebrated at night with lantern displays and children carrying lanterns in a parade.The Chinese calendar is based on a combination of lunar and solar movements.The lunar cycle（月運(yùn)周期）is about 29.5 days.In order to “catch up” with the solar calendar the Chinese insert an extra month once every few years(seven years out of a 19-yearcycle).This is the same as adding an extra day on leap year（閏年）.This is why, according to the solar calendar, the Chinese New Year falls on a different date each year.New Year's Eve and New Year's Day are celebrated as a family affair, a time of reunion and thanksgiving.The celebration was traditionally highlighted with a religious ceremony given in honor of Heaven and Earth（萬(wàn)物）, the gods of the household and the family ancestors.The sacrifice to the ancestors, the most vital of all the rituals（儀式）, united the living members with those who had passed away.Departed relatives are remembered with great respect because they were responsible for laying the foundations for the fortune and glory of the family.The presence of the ancestors is acknowledged on New Year's Eve with a dinner arranged for them at the family banquet table.The spirits of the ancestors,together with the living, celebrate the onset of the New Year as one great community.The communal feast called “surrounding the stove” or weilu.It symbolizes family unity and honors the past and present generations.The Origin of Chinese New Year

The Chinese New Year is now popularly known as the Spring Festival because it starts from the Begining of Spring(the first of the twenty-four terms in coodination with the changes of Nature).Its origin is too old to be traced.Several explanations are hanging around.All agree, however, that the word Nian, which in modern Chinese solely means “year”, was originally the name of a monster beast that started to prey on people the night before the beginning of a new year.One legend goes that the beast Nian had a very big mouth that would swallow a great many people with one bite.People were very scared.One day, an old man came to their rescue, offering to subdue Nian.To Nian he said, “I hear say that you are very capable, but can you swallow the other beasts of prey on earth instead of people who are by no means of your worthy opponents?” So, it did swallow many of the beasts of prey on earth that also harrassed people and their domestic animals from time to time.After that, the old man disappeared riding the beast Nian.He turned out to be an immortal god.Now that Nian is gone and other beasts of prey are also scared into forests, people begin to enjoy their peaceful life.Before the old man left, he had told people to put up red paper decorations on their windows and doors at each year's end to scare away Nian in case it sneaked back again, because red is the color the beast feared the most.From then on, the tradition of observing the conquest of Nian is carried on from generation to generation.The term “Guo Nian”, which may mean “Survive the Nian” becomes today “Celebrate the(New)Year” as the word “guo” in Chinese having both the meaning of “pass-over” and “observe”.The custom of putting up red paper and firing fire-crackers to scare away Nian should it have a chance to run loose is still around.However, people today have long forgotten why they are doing all this, except that they feel the color and the sound add to the excitement of the celebration.Traditional New Year Foods

Probably more food is consumed during the New Year celebrations than any other time of the year.Vast amounts of traditional food is prepared for family and friends, as well as those close to us who have died.On New Year's Day, the Chinese family will eat a vegetarian dish called jai.Although the various ingredients in jai are root vegetables or fibrous vegetables, many people attribute various superstitious aspects to them.Other foods include a whole fish, to represent togetherness and abundance, and a chicken for prosperity.The chicken must be presented with a head, tail and feet to symbolize completeness.Noodles should be uncut, as they represent long life.In south China, the favorite and most typical dishes were nian gao, sweet

steamed glutinous rice（糯米）pudding and zong zi(glutinous rice wrapped up in reed（蘆葦）leaves), another popular delicacy.In the north, steamed-wheat bread(man tou)and small meat dumplings were the preferred food.The tremendous amount of food prepared at this time was meant to symbolize abundance and wealth for the household.The 15-Day Celebration of Chinese New Year

The first day of the Lunar New Year is “the welcoming of the gods of the heavens and earth.”Many people abstain from meat on the first day of the new year because it is believed that this will ensure long and happy lives for them.On the second day, the Chinese pray to their ancestors as well as to all the gods.They are extra kind to dogs and feed them well as it is believed that the second day is the birthday of all dogs.The third and fourth days are for the sons-in-laws to pay respect to their parents-in-law.The fifth day is called Po Woo.On that day people stay home to welcome the God of Wealth.No one visits families and friends on the fifth day because it will bring both parties bad luck.On the sixth to the 10th day, the Chinese visit their relatives and friends freely.They also visit the temples to pray for good fortune and health.The seventh day of the New Year is the day for farmers to display their produce.These farmers make a drink from seven types of vegetables to celebrate the occasion.The seventh day is also considered the birthday of human beings.Noodles are eaten to promote longevity and raw fish for success.On the eighth day the Fujian people have another family reunion dinner, and at midnight they pray to Tian Gong, the God of Heaven.The ninth day is to make offerings to the Jade Emperor.The 10th through the 12th are days that friends and relatives should be invited for dinner.After so much rich food, on the 13th day you should have simple rice congee and mustard greens(choi sum)to cleanse the system.The 14th day should be for preparations to celebrate the Lantern Festival which is to be held on the 15th night.Auspicious words:

Treasures fill the homeBusiness flourishesPeace all year roundWishing you prosperity

Harmony brings wealth May all your wishes come trueEverything goes wellThe country flourishes and people live in peace

Money and treasures will be plentifulWishing you every successPromoting to a higher positionSafe trip wherever you go

第二篇：英語(yǔ)幽默小故事

A: We have got a new dog.Would you like to come around and play with him? B: Well, I don't know---does he bite?

A: That's what I want to find out.The six-year-old John was terribly spoiled（被寵壞的）.His father knew it, but his grandma doted on him.He hardly left her side.And when he wanted anything, he either cried or threw a temper tantrum（亂發(fā)脾氣）.Then came his first day of school, his first day away from his grandmother's loving arms.When he came home from school his grandma met him at the door.Was school all right? she asked, Did you get along(相處)all right? did you cry? Cry? John asked.No, I didn't cry, but the teacher did!

六歲的約翰嬌生慣養(yǎng)。他的父親知道這一點(diǎn)，可他的祖父母仍然寵著他。這孩子幾乎寸步不離他的祖母。他想要什么不是哭，就是鬧。他第一天上學(xué)才離開祖母的懷抱。

約翰放學(xué)了，他奶奶在門口接他并問(wèn)道：學(xué)校怎么樣？你過(guò)的好嗎？哭了沒(méi)有？ 哭？約翰問(wèn)，不，我沒(méi)哭，可老師哭了。

Ivan came home with a bloody nose and his mother asked, “What happened?” “A kid bit me,” replied Ivan.“Would you recognize him if you saw him again?” asked his mother.“I'd know him any where,” said Ivan.“I have his ear in my pocket.”

伊凡鼻子流著血回到家里。他媽媽問(wèn)，“發(fā)生了什么事？”

“一個(gè)男孩咬了我一口，”伊凡說(shuō)。

“再見到他你能認(rèn)出來(lái)嗎？”媽媽問(wèn)。

“他走到哪里我都能認(rèn)出他，”伊凡說(shuō)。“他的耳朵還在我衣兜里呢?！?/p>

come homego homeget home

當(dāng) home 前面 有所有格形式 時(shí)是名詞可用 come to比如 come to one?s home

另外這三個(gè)都表示“回家”。方向是一回事，我想最重要的是說(shuō)話者的方位。

如“When will you come home?”說(shuō)明說(shuō)者在家，或是他的家人；而“When will you go home?" 一般情況下，說(shuō)者不在家中。

至于get home，強(qiáng)調(diào)的是已經(jīng)到家，get有確定到達(dá)的意思。

第三篇：英語(yǔ)幽默小故事

英語(yǔ)幽默小故事

Where is the egg? Teacher:Can you make a sentence with the word “egg”? Student:Yes.I ate a piece of cake yesterday.Teacher:Then where is the “egg"? Student:In the cake,Sir.雞蛋在哪里？

老師：你能用“雞蛋”一詞造句嗎？ 學(xué)生：可以。我昨天吃了一塊蛋糕。老師：“雞蛋”在哪？ 學(xué)生：在蛋糕里，先生 Son: Dad, give me a dime.Father: Son, don't you think you're getting too big to be forever begging for dimes? Son: I guess you're right, Dad, Give me a dollar, will you? 兒子：爸爸，給我一角錢。

父親：兒子，你不認(rèn)為你已經(jīng)長(zhǎng)大了，不該再老是一角一角地要錢了(該自立了)，不是嗎？

兒子：爸爸，我想你是對(duì)的，那給我一塊錢行嗎？

I'm sorry，Madam，but I shall have to charge you twenty dollars for pulling your boy's tooth.”

“Twenty d ollars!Why，I understand you to say that you charged only four dollars for such work!”

“Yes，but this youngster yelled so terribly that he scared four other patients out of the office.”

“對(duì)不起，夫人，為您孩子拔牙我要收取20美元?！? “20美元！為什么？不是說(shuō)好只要4美元?！?/p>

“是的，但是你的孩子大喊大叫，把另外四個(gè)病人嚇跑了?！?/p>

Ten Candies

Mother asks her son, “Jim, if you have ten candies, and you eat four, then how many candles do you have?”

“Ten.” Jim says.“Then,” Mother asks.“Yes, Mum.Four candles are in my stomach and six candies are out of my stomach.Four and six is ten, isn’t it right?”

十塊糖

媽媽問(wèn)兒子：“吉姆，如果你有10塊糖，吃了4塊，那你還有幾塊糖？”

“10塊?！奔氛f(shuō)。

“10塊？”媽媽問(wèn)。

“是的，媽媽。因?yàn)?塊在我的肚子里面，6塊在肚子外面，4加6等于10，不對(duì)嗎？”

It’s Good to Admit a Fault John is not a “good” student.He always sleeps in the class.Today he sleeps again.“John!” Teacher says angrily.“What? What’s wrong?” John is awaken.“Why do you make a face? It’s classroom.Look!Everyone is laughing.” Teacher says.“No one is laughing.” Teacher says.“No, it’s not me.I was not making a face.I was sleeping.” John fells upset.“Um.Not bad.You can admit your fault.You are still a good boy.” Teacher is satisfied with it.認(rèn)錯(cuò)

約翰并不是個(gè)“好”學(xué)生。他總是在上課的時(shí)候睡覺。今天他又睡著了。

“約翰！”老師生氣地喊他。

“什么？出什么事了？”約翰醒了。

“你為什么要做鬼臉？這是教室！看看！同學(xué)們都在笑！”老師生氣地說(shuō)。“沒(méi)有人在笑呀?！逼渌瑢W(xué)笑聲地嘀咕。

“不，不是我。我沒(méi)有做鬼臉。剛才我睡著了?！奔s翰感到不安。

“嗯，還不錯(cuò)。你承認(rèn)自己的錯(cuò)誤，還是給好孩子”老師為此感到滿意。

Adding Feet to a Snake

One day, Mr.Lion holds a party.Many animals come and drink a lot of wine.At last there is a pot of wine.Who can drink it? They drink out an idea and decide to have a match-Draw a snake.If you finish first, you can get it.Soon Mr.Wolf finishes drawing.“Yeah, I’ve finished.I’m No.1,” he says.But he draws again and says, “Oh, let me add feet and my snake.” At the time, Mr.Gorilla also finishes.He takes away the pot of wine and drinks, then he says, “That isn’t a snake.Snakes have no feet.I get the wine.”

畫蛇添足

一天，獅子先生舉行一場(chǎng)聚會(huì)，許多動(dòng)物都來(lái)了，他們喝很多酒。最后只剩一壺酒了。讓誰(shuí)喝呢？它們想了想，有個(gè)主意。它們比賽畫蛇，誰(shuí)最快畫好，誰(shuí)就喝這壺酒。

不一會(huì)，狼先生畫好了。“哈，我畫好了，我是第一個(gè)?！彼f(shuō)?？墒撬之嬃似饋?lái)，它還說(shuō)：“再給它加幾只腳吧?！边@是猩猩先生也畫好了。它拿起那酒壺喝起來(lái)。一邊喝一邊說(shuō)：“那不是蛇，蛇是沒(méi)有腳的，我贏了這壺酒。”

Covering One’s Ears While Stealing a Bell

Mr.Wang thinks he is clever, but he always does foolish things.One day he sees a beautiful bell at the top of a door.“Oh!How nice!I will take it home.” He thinks, “What can I do?” After a while he has a “good” idea.“Aha!I have an idea now.I can plug my ears.Then I will not hear the ring when I take off the bell.”

Then he does so.But as soon as he takes off the bell, the owner opens the door.“What ate you doing?” the owner says angrily.掩耳盜鈴

王先生總以為自己很聰明，實(shí)際上他總干傻事。

一天，他看見一戶人家的門頭有個(gè)很漂亮的鈴鐺?！鞍?，真漂亮?。∥乙阉没丶胰?。”他自言自語(yǔ)道：“我該怎么做呢？”過(guò)了一會(huì)兒他想到了一個(gè)“好”主意?！鞍」?！我有辦法了！我把耳朵堵上，拿鈴鐺的時(shí)候就聽不見鈴聲了?！?/p>

于是他就這樣做了?？墒撬麆偰孟骡忚K，屋子的主人就打開門，怒氣沖沖地說(shuō)：“你在干什么？”

Look at the Sky from the Bottom of a Well

There is a frog.He lives in a well and he never goes out of the well.He thinks the sky is as big as the mouth of the well.One day a crow comes to the well.He sees the frog and says, “Frog, let’s have a talk.” Then the frog asks, “Where are you from?” “I fly from the sky,” the crow says.The frog feels surprised and says, “The sky is only as big as the mouth of the well.How do you fly from the sky?”

The crow says, “The sky is very big.You always stay in the well, so you don’t know the world is big.”

The frog says, “I don’t believe.” But the crow says, “You can come out and have a look by yourself.”

So the frog comes out from the well.He is very surprised.How big the world is!

坐井觀天

有一只青蛙住在井底，他從來(lái)沒(méi)有去過(guò)井外面。他以為天空就和井口一樣大。一天，一只烏鴉飛到井邊，看見青蛙，就對(duì)它說(shuō)：“青蛙，咱們聊聊吧?！鼻嗤芫蛦?wèn)他：“你從哪里來(lái)？”“我從天上上來(lái)。青蛙驚訝了，就說(shuō)：“天空就只有這井口這么大，你怎么會(huì)從天上飛老呢？”

烏鴉說(shuō)：“天空很大。只不過(guò)你一直呆在井里，所有不知道世界很大?！鼻嗤苷f(shuō)：“我不相信?！睘貘f說(shuō)：“你可以出來(lái)，自己看看嘛?！?于是青蛙來(lái)到井外。他十分驚訝，原來(lái)世界這么大！

The Clever King Solomon

Long, long ago, there was a king.Solomon was his name.He was very clever.In his country, there were two women.They lived in the same house and each had a child.One night, one of the babies died.The dead baby’s mother took the other woman’s baby, and put it in her own bed.The next morning , they had a quarrel.“No, this is my baby!” The dead is yours!”

Each one wanted the living baby.So they went to see King Solomon.“Bring me a knife, cut the child into two and five each woman one half.” said the King.“Oh.Your Majesty!Give her my baby.Please don’t kill my baby!”

Then King Solomon pointed to the woman in teas and said, “Give the baby to her.She is the mother.”

聰明的國(guó)王所羅門

很久很久之前，有一位國(guó)王，他的名字叫所羅門，他非常聰明。

在他的國(guó)家里，有兩位婦女，她們住在同一間房子里。各有一個(gè)嬰兒。

一天夜里，其中一個(gè)嬰兒死了。他的媽媽抱另一位婦女的小孩，把他放在自己的床上。

第二天早上，他們發(fā)生了爭(zhēng)吵。

“不，這是我的孩子！這個(gè)死的是你的！”

他們都想要這個(gè)活著的孩子，于是她們?nèi)ヒ娝_門國(guó)王。

“給我拿把刀來(lái)，把這個(gè)孩子切成兩半，沒(méi)人一半?！眹?guó)王判決道。

“哦，陛下，把我的孩子給她吧。請(qǐng)不要?dú)⒘宋业暮⒆樱　币晃荒赣H哭喊道。于是所羅門指著流淚的婦女說(shuō)：“把孩子給她，她是真正的母親。”

Two Holes for the Dogs

My uncle has two dogs.One is big and the other is small.He likes them very much.One day, Mr.Smith came to visit him.When the friend saw two holes in the door, a large hole and a small hole, he was surprised and said, “My dear friend, why are there two holes in your door?” “Let my dogs come in and come out, of course,” Mr.Smith asked.“But why are there two holes? One is enough!” “But how can the big dog go through the small hole?” my uncle said.Sometimes a clever man may make such mistakes.兩個(gè)狗洞

我的叔叔有兩條狗。一只是大的，另一只是小狗的。他很喜歡它們。

有一天，史密斯先生來(lái)看他。當(dāng)這個(gè)朋友看見門口上有連個(gè)洞，一個(gè)是大洞和一個(gè)小洞時(shí)，他感到吃驚并說(shuō)，“我親愛的朋友，為什么你的門上有連個(gè)洞？”我的叔叔回答說(shuō)：“當(dāng)然是讓我的兩條狗進(jìn)出了?！?史密斯先生問(wèn)到：“ 為什么門上要兩個(gè)洞呢？一個(gè)就足夠了?！?我叔叔說(shuō)：“大狗怎能走小洞呢？” 有時(shí)聰明的人可能會(huì)犯這樣的錯(cuò)誤。

第四篇：簡(jiǎn)單幽默英語(yǔ)小故事及翻譯

I Don?t Like Her

Bob goes to a new school.One day he comes back, “Bob, do you like your new teacher?” his mother asks.“I don?t like her, Mother.Because first she says that three and three is six, and then she says that two and four is six, too.” 我不喜歡她

鮑勃的去了所新學(xué)校。

一天，他回到家，他媽媽問(wèn)他：“你喜歡你的新老師嗎？”

“不，我不喜歡她，媽媽。因?yàn)樗日f(shuō)3加3等于6，然后她又說(shuō)2加4等于6.” 2 Ten Candies Mother asks her son, “Jim, if you have ten candies, and you eat four, then how many candles do you have?” “Ten.” Jim says.“Ten？” Mother asks.Yes, Mum.Four candies are in my stomach and six candies are out of my stomach.Four and six is ten, isn?t it right?” 十塊糖

媽媽問(wèn)兒子：“吉姆，如果你有10塊糖，吃了4塊，那你還有幾塊糖？” “10塊?！奔氛f(shuō)。

“10塊？”媽媽問(wèn)。

“是的，媽媽。因?yàn)?塊在我的肚子里面，6塊在肚子外面，4加6等于10，不對(duì)嗎？” 3 Where is the egg? Teacher: Can you make a sentence with the word “egg”? Student: Yes.I ate a piece of cake yesterday.Teacher: Then where is the “egg“? Student: In the cake, sir.雞蛋在哪里？

老師：你能用“雞蛋”一詞造句嗎？ 學(xué)生：可以。我昨天吃了一塊蛋糕。老師：“雞蛋”在哪？ 學(xué)生：在蛋糕里，先生Count Tomorrow Morning It?s a night.John is looking at the sky.Tom is John?s younger brother.He asks John “What are you doing?” John says, “I?m counting stars.”

Tom laughs and says, “It?s really dark now.Why not count them tomorrow morning?” 明天早上數(shù)

一個(gè)晚上, 約翰抬頭看著天空。

湯姆是約翰的弟弟。他問(wèn)約翰：“你在干什么？” 約翰說(shuō)：“我在數(shù)星星。”

湯姆笑著說(shuō)：“現(xiàn)在天空太黑了。你為什么不等到明天早上再數(shù)呢？” 5 It Must Be Crowded A teacher is telling his students, “The moon is very large.Several millions of people can live there.”

And a boy laughs and says, “It must get crowded when it?s a crescent moon.” 一定很擁擠

一位老師告訴學(xué)生們：“月亮非常大，上面能住幾百萬(wàn)人?！?/p>

一個(gè)男孩笑著說(shuō)：“當(dāng)月亮變成月牙的時(shí)候，住在上面的人該多擁擠?。? Are Flies Yummy? Tony and his father are eating dinner.Suddenly Tony asks his father, “Dad, are flies yummy?”

Dad frowns and says, “No, I think it?s yucky.Why do you ask me this question? It?s a silly question.”

But Tony says, “ There was one fly in your plate.” 蒼蠅好吃嗎？

托尼正和他爸爸一起吃晚餐。

突然，托尼問(wèn)他的爸爸：“爸爸，蒼蠅好吃嗎？”

爸爸皺眉說(shuō)：“我想不好吃。你怎么會(huì)問(wèn)這個(gè)問(wèn)題？這可是一個(gè)愚蠢的問(wèn)題?！?可是托尼說(shuō)：“剛才你盤子里有一只蒼蠅?！?7 “I'm sorry, Madam, but I shall have to charge you twenty dollars for pulling your boy's tooth.”

“Twenty dollars!Why , you charged only four dollars for such work before!” “Yes，but your boy yelled so terribly that he scared four other patients out of the office.”

“對(duì)不起，夫人，為您孩子拔牙我要收取20美元?！? “20美元！為什么？你之前只收4美元的！”

“是的，但是你的孩子大喊大叫，把另外四個(gè)病人嚇跑了?！? 8 A Good Boy

Little Robert asks his mother for two cents.”What did you do with the money I gave you yesterday?“

”I gave it to a poor old woman,“ he answers.”You're a good boy,“ said the mother proudly.”Here are two cents more.But why are you so interested in the old woman?“ ”She is the one who sells the candy.“ 好孩子

小羅伯特向媽媽要兩分錢。“昨天給你的錢干什么了？”

“我給了一個(gè)可憐的老太太，”他回答說(shuō)?！澳阏媸莻€(gè)好孩子，”媽媽驕傲地說(shuō)。

“再給你兩分錢?？赡銥槭裁磳?duì)那位老太太那么感興趣呢？” “她是個(gè)賣糖果的?！? 9 I Made Granny Glad A teacher is telling her students the importance of making others glad.“Now, children,” she

says “Did you make someone else glad?”

“Please, teacher,” says a small boy, “I made someone glad yesterday.” “Well done.Who was that?” The teacher says.“My granny.” The boy says.“Good boy.Now tell us how you made your grandmother glad.” The teacher says.“I went to see her yesterday, and stayed with her for three hours.Then I said to her, ?Granny，I?m going home.? And she said, “well.I?m glad!” 我讓奶奶高興了

一位教師正在對(duì)學(xué)生將使人高興的重要性?！奥犞?，孩子們，”他說(shuō)：“你們?cè)寗e人 高興過(guò)嗎？”

“我，老師，”一個(gè)男孩子說(shuō)，“昨天我就使別人高興過(guò)?！?“做得好。是誰(shuí)呢？”老師說(shuō)?！拔夷棠獭！毙∧泻⒄f(shuō)。

“好孩子?，F(xiàn)在告訴我們，你是怎樣使你奶奶高興的？”老師問(wèn)道。

“是這樣的，老師。昨天我去看她，在她那兒呆了3個(gè)小時(shí)。然后我對(duì)她說(shuō)：“奶奶，我要回家了。”她說(shuō)：“啊，我很高興?！?10 The Ox and the Dog An ox and a dog serve for the same farmer.One day the dog arrogantly says: “How grand I am!In the daytime, I watch out for the cattle in the meadows;at night, I guard the house.But you…” “Me? How about me ?” the ox says

“You can only plough or draw a cart,” the dog slightly says.“Yes.It?s true,” the ox says.“But if I don?t plough, what do you guard?” 牛和狗

一頭牛和一只狗同時(shí)為一個(gè)農(nóng)夫工作。

一天，狗驕傲地說(shuō)著；?我是多么重要啊！白天我在牧場(chǎng)看護(hù)家群，晚上我看家。而你呢…..?”

“我？我怎么啦？“ 牛反問(wèn)。

“你只會(huì)犁地或是拉扯。”狗不懈地說(shuō)。

“是的。你說(shuō)得沒(méi)有錯(cuò)，”牛回答道?！暗侨绻麤](méi)有我犁地，你看護(hù)什么呢？” 11 That Is Not My Dog!A woman walks into a pet shop and sees a cute little dog.She asks the shopkeeper, “Does your dog bite?”

The shopkeeper says, “No, my dog does not bit.” The woman tries to pet the dog and the dog bites her.“Ouch!” She says, “I thought you said your dog does not bite!” The shopkeeper replies, “That is not my dog!” 那不是我的狗

一個(gè)婦人走進(jìn)一家寵物店，看見一只很可愛的小狗。她問(wèn)店主：“你的狗咬人嗎？”

店主說(shuō)：“不，我的狗不咬人?！?/p>

于是這個(gè)婦人試著撫摸小狗，可是小狗卻咬了她?！鞍?！”婦人說(shuō)，“我想你剛才還說(shuō)你的狗不咬人?！?店主人回答說(shuō)：“那不是我的狗?！?12 Teacher: Why are you late for school every morning?

Tom: Every time I come to the corner, a sign says,” School-Go slow“.老師:為什么你每天早晨都遲到?

湯姆:每當(dāng)我經(jīng)過(guò)學(xué)校的拐角處,就看見一個(gè)牌子上寫著”學(xué)校----慢行".

第五篇：英語(yǔ)白雪公主及幽默小故事

旁白：Once upon a time, there was a queen.She had a pretty daughter named Snow White.Soon after the child was born, the queen died.The queen married another queen.The stepmother was very jealous.She dressed Snow White in rags and forced her to do the housework all day and all night, such as sweep and mop the floor, do some cleaning, carry water and so on.白雪：(Sweep and mop the floor, do some cleaning, carry water and so on.)

皇后：I?m the new queen.I?m very beautiful.you see.If anyone is more beautiful than me, I?ll kill her.I have a magic mirror.If I want to know something, It will tell me surely.Now, mirror, mirror, come here!魔鏡：Yes, I?m coming.Your Majesty!What do you want to know? 皇后：Mirror, mirror, on the wall.Who is the fairest of the all?

魔鏡：Yes.Your Majesty!You are the fairest of all, I think.But there is a young lady.She is as white as snow, as red as rose and as black as ebony.She is much more beautiful than you.皇后：She is much more beautiful than me?Who is she? Tell me quickly.2 SW---白雪公主 Q---皇后 M---魔鏡 H---獵人

P---白馬王子 D---小矮人 A---小動(dòng)物 旁白：A long time ago, In a beautiful kingdom, there lived a young king and queen, the people loved them so much;the queen died while giving birth to a girl, her name was Snow White, She was a beautiful princess.Year passed, the king got married again, The people didn?t love the new queen, because she was cruel.One day, In the king?s palace:----白雪出場(chǎng)

S.w: My name is S.w , I am a beautiful princess, I miss my mother so much, Where is my mother? Where is my mother? 皇后、魔鏡出場(chǎng)Q: I am a queen, I?m very beautiful,Where is Mirror?Mirror, Mirror on the wall, who?s the most beautiful?

M: S.w is much more beautiful than you!

Q: Hunter, go kill S.w.獵人出場(chǎng) H: Yes, my queen 小動(dòng)物出場(chǎng)，追趕獵人，公主驚慌出逃

S.w: Help me ,help me, please, please

A: what?s the matter with you?

S.w: The hunter…h(huán)unter…

A: bite you bite you … 小動(dòng)物追趕獵人下場(chǎng)

S.w: I am tried and hungry, oh, there is a little house ,I will eat a little and lie down.7個(gè)小矮人出場(chǎng)，D: 1/Look, somebody ate my food----

2/somebody drank my water----

3/someone is sleeping now----

4/What a beautiful girl!----

小矮人睡覺----音樂(lè)起公主先醒了----小矮人醒了----對(duì)話

5/How do you do?

S.w: How do you do? My name is S.w … Nice to meet you!

D:（齊說(shuō)）Nice to meet you ,too----

6/ welcome to our house!----

7/Would you like to live here?

S.w: My pleasure, thank you very much!

D: Let?s go out for our work, bye-bye, S.W

皇后、魔鏡出場(chǎng)Q: Mirror, mirror on the wall,who?s the most beautiful?

M: S.w is much more beautiful than you!

Q: What? S.w is not dead?Hahaha, I got a good idea!

皇后扮演老太太出場(chǎng)，對(duì)話

Q: Apple ,apple, beautiful apple，S.w: Hello, Good morning grandma!

Q: pretty girl ,would you like a bite?

S.w: Oh, yes ,thank you grandma!

白雪公主咬一口后倒地Q: The girl is dead!Hahaha…

小矮人出場(chǎng)、圍著公主哭 S.w wake up, wake up…

動(dòng)物引著王子出場(chǎng) P: A beautiful girl!She shall be my queen!

王子吻公主，公主醒了S.w: Thank you for your help!

P: My pleasure

Where is the egg? Teacher:Can you make a sentence with the word “egg”?

Student:Yes.I ate a piece of cake yesterday.Teacher:Then where is the “egg“?

Student:In the cake,Sir.雞蛋在哪里？老師：你能用“雞蛋”一詞造句嗎？學(xué)生：可以。我昨天吃了一塊蛋糕。老師：“雞蛋”在哪？學(xué)生：在蛋糕里，先生

Child:My uncle has 1000 men under him.Man:He is really somebody.What does do? Child:A maintenance man in a cemetery 他真是一個(gè)大人物

小孩：我叔叔下面有1000個(gè)人。男人：他真是一個(gè)大人物。他是干什么的？小孩：墓地守墓人。

Teacher: Would Shakespeare be a great man if he were still alive today?

Student: Of course.He must be a great man, for so far nobody has lived to over 400 years.一名偉人

老師：如果莎士比亞還活著，他會(huì)是一名偉人嗎？

學(xué)生：當(dāng)然。因?yàn)榈侥壳盀橹?，還沒(méi)有人活到400多歲。

Son: Dad, give me a dime.Father: Son, don't you think you're getting too big to be forever begging for dimes? Son: I guess you're right, Dad, Give me a dollar, will you? 兒子：爸爸，給我一角錢。

父親：兒子，你不認(rèn)為你已經(jīng)長(zhǎng)大了，不該再老是一角一角地要錢了(該自立了)，不是嗎？ 兒子：爸爸，我想你是對(duì)的，那給我一塊錢行嗎？

”Boy, why have you got cotton-wool in your ear? Is it infected?“ ”No, sir, but you said yesterday that everything you told me went in one ear and out the other , so I am trying to stop it.“ “孩子，你為什么用棉花塞住耳朵？它感染了嗎？”

“沒(méi)有，老師?？墒悄阕蛱煺f(shuō)你告訴我的知識(shí)都是一個(gè)耳朵里進(jìn)，一個(gè)耳朵里出，所以我要把它堵在里面?！?/p>

Drunk

One day, a father and his little son were going home.At this age, the boy was interested in all kinds of things and was always asking questions.Now, he asked, ”What's the meaning of the word 'Drunk', dad?“ ”Well, my son,“ his father replied, ”look, there are standing two policemen.If I regard the two policemen as four then I am drunk.“

”But, dad,“ the boy said, ” there's only ONE policeman!“

醉酒

一天，父親與小兒子一塊兒回家。這個(gè)孩子正處于那種對(duì)什么事都很感興趣的年齡，老是有提不完的問(wèn)題。他向父親發(fā)問(wèn)道：“爸爸，?醉?字是什么意思？” “唔，孩子，”父親回答說(shuō)，“你瞧那兒站著兩個(gè)警察。如果我把他們看成了四個(gè)，那么我就算醉了?！?“可是，爸爸，”孩子說(shuō)，“那兒只有一個(gè)警察呀！”

Sleeping Pills

Bob was having trouble getting to sleep at night.He went to see his doctor, who prescribed some extra-strong sleeping pills.Sunday night Bob took the pills, slept well and was awake before he heard the alarm.He took his time getting to the office, strolled in and said to his boss: ”I didn't have a bit of trouble getting up this morning.“

”That's fine,“ roared the boss, ”but where were you Monday and Tuesday?"

安眠藥

鮑勃晚上失眠。他去看醫(yī)生，醫(yī)生給他開了一些強(qiáng)力安眠藥。

星期天晚上鮑勃吃了藥，睡得很好，在鬧鐘響之前就醒了過(guò)來(lái)。他到了辦公室，遛達(dá)進(jìn)去，對(duì)老板說(shuō)：“我今天早上起床一點(diǎn)麻煩都沒(méi)有?！?/p>

“好啊!”老板吼道，“那你星期一和星期二到哪兒去了？”