第一篇：傾聽的力量 TED演講稿

Listening is an active skill.Whereas hearing is passive, listening is something that we have to work at.It's a relationship with sound.And yet it's a skill that none of us are taught.For example, have you ever considered that there are listening positions, places you can listen from? Here are two of them.Reductive listening is listening “for.” It reduces everything down to what's relevant and it discards everything that's not relevant.Men typically listen reductively.So he's saying, “I've got this problem.” He's saying, “Here's your solution.Thanks very much.Next.” That's the way we talk, right guys? Expansive listening, on the other hand, is listening “with,” not listening “for.” It's got no destination in mind.It's just enjoying the journey.Women typically listen expansively.If you look at these two, eye contact, facing each other, possibly both talking at the same time.Men, if you get nothing else out of this talk, practice expansive listening, and you can transform your relationships.認(rèn)真傾聽是一種主動(dòng)技能。普通地聽是被動(dòng)的，而傾聽卻是要花功夫的。傾聽是處理聲音與聲音之間的關(guān)系。它也是一種與生俱來(lái)的能力。比如，你考慮過(guò)傾聽也有不同的姿勢(shì)，以便你接收聲音嗎？看以下兩個(gè)例子。刪減性的傾聽是有“選擇”的聽。它會(huì)只關(guān)注你想要知道的東西，而忽略無(wú)關(guān)緊要的內(nèi)容。男人通常會(huì)刪減性的傾聽。比如一個(gè)人說(shuō)：“我有個(gè)問(wèn)題?！绷硪粋€(gè)人說(shuō)：“這是你的答案。多謝。下一位。”這就是我們談話的方式，對(duì)吧，男士們？ 而另外一種，擴(kuò)展性的傾聽是“無(wú)目的”，“無(wú)選擇”的。聽你腦海里并沒(méi)有明確的目標(biāo)而只是享受聽的過(guò)程。女人通常會(huì)擴(kuò)展性的傾聽?？纯催@兩位，面對(duì)面，保持眼神交流，可能兩人同時(shí)都在說(shuō)話。男士們，如果你們談話時(shí)覺(jué)得索然無(wú)味，試試擴(kuò)展性的傾聽，或許可以改善你們的關(guān)系。

The first really big health issue is a word that Murray Schafer coined: “schizophonia.” It's a dislocation between what you see and what you hear.So, we're inviting into our lives the voices of people who are not present with us.I think there's something deeply unhealthy about living all the time in schizophonia.The second problem that comes with headphone abuse is compression.We squash music to fit it into our pocket and there is a cost attached to this.Listen to this--this is an uncompressed piece of music.And now the same piece of music with 98% of the data removed.I do hope that some of you at least can hear the difference between those two.There is a cost of compression.It makes you tired and irritable to have to make up all of that data.You're having to imagine it.It's not good for you in the long run.The third problem with headphones is this: deafness.第一大嚴(yán)重的健康問(wèn)題，根據(jù)Murray Schafer的話說(shuō)，就是“幻聽”。這是一種錯(cuò)亂，使你看到的和聽到的并不一致。所以，我們的生活中，就多了一些不在我們身邊的人發(fā)出的聲音。我認(rèn)為時(shí)時(shí)處于“幻聽”中對(duì)健康十分不利。與濫用耳機(jī)相伴而來(lái)的第二個(gè)問(wèn)題是壓縮音樂(lè)。我們壓縮音樂(lè)，以便能裝進(jìn)口袋，然而也付出了代價(jià)。聽聽這個(gè)，是一段沒(méi)有壓縮的音樂(lè)。同樣的一段音樂(lè)，但卻少了98%的信息。我希望至少有一部分人能聽出其中的差別。這就是壓縮音樂(lè)的代價(jià)。為了補(bǔ)上丟失的信息，你很容易變得疲勞、煩躁。你需要通過(guò)想象來(lái)彌補(bǔ)這個(gè)空白。長(zhǎng)期下去，會(huì)對(duì)健康不利。濫用耳機(jī)帶來(lái)的第三個(gè)問(wèn)題是耳聾。

Let's move away from bad sound and look at some friends that I urge you to seek out.WWB: Wind, water, birds--stochastic natural sounds composed of lots of individual random events, all of it very healthy, all of it sound that we evolved to over the years.Seek those sounds out;they're good for you and so is this.Silence is beautiful.The Elizabethans described language as decorated silence.I urge you to move away from silence with intention and to design soundscapes just like works of art.Have a foreground, a background, all in beautiful proportion.It's fun to get into designing with sound.If you can't do it yourself, get a professional to do it for you.Sound design is the future, and I think it's the way we're going to change the way the world sounds.不談噪音了，我們來(lái)談?wù)勔恍┠銘?yīng)該去尋求的好朋友。風(fēng)水鳥：風(fēng)聲、水聲、鳥聲，大自然的聲音。它們都由各種不同的細(xì)節(jié)組成，對(duì)健康十分有好處，因?yàn)樗鼈兌际俏覀冞M(jìn)化過(guò)程中我們陪伴我們的聲音。尋求這些聲音吧，對(duì)你們有好處。還有這個(gè)。安靜是美好的。古人曾把語(yǔ)言比作修飾過(guò)的安靜。我建議你們刻意地遠(yuǎn)離安靜，去設(shè)計(jì)像藝術(shù)品一樣有畫面感的聲音。有前景，有背景，并且比例協(xié)調(diào)。設(shè)計(jì)聲音是很有趣的，如果自己不會(huì)做的話，可以找專業(yè)人士幫忙。聲音設(shè)計(jì)就是未來(lái)，也是一種讓世界變得好聽的方法。

And four modalities where you need to take some action and get involved.First of all, listen consciously.I hope that after this talk you'll be doing that.It's a whole new dimension to your life and it's wonderful to have that dimension.Secondly, get in touch with making some sound.Create sound.The voice is the instrument we all play, and yet how many of us are trained in using our voice? Get trained.Learn to sing.Learn to play an instrument.Musicians have bigger brains.It's true.You can do this in groups as well.It's a fantastic antidote to schizophonia.To make music and sound in a group of people, whichever style you enjoy particularly.And let's take a stewarding role for the sound around us.Protect your ears? Yes, absolutely.Design soundscapes to be beautiful around you at home and at work.And let's start to speak up when people are assailing us with the noise that I played you early on.還有四種方法需要你采取行動(dòng)參與其中。首先專心地聽。我希望在我的講話過(guò)后你們就能去這樣做。這會(huì)是你們?nèi)松碌?、美好的一面。第二試著自己弄出點(diǎn)聲響。創(chuàng)造聲音。聲音是我們都會(huì)使用的樂(lè)器，但多少人接受訓(xùn)練學(xué)會(huì)利用我們自己的聲音？嘗試訓(xùn)練一下吧。學(xué)著歌唱。學(xué)習(xí)演奏一種樂(lè)器。音樂(lè)家都有更發(fā)達(dá)的大腦，這話不假。也可以嘗試和大家一起這樣做。這是緩解幻聽的非常好的辦法。和一大群人創(chuàng)造音樂(lè)是，任何你喜歡的方式都是不錯(cuò)的。讓我們主宰周圍的聲音。保護(hù)聽力？這是當(dāng)然的。不管在家里，還是工作中，設(shè)計(jì)并創(chuàng)作出好聽的聲音。當(dāng)有人用我之前播過(guò)的噪音來(lái)攻擊我們的時(shí)候，讓我們大聲地給予它們還擊。

第二篇：ted演講稿脆弱的力量

ted演講稿脆弱的力量

歡迎來(lái)到聘才網(wǎng)，以下是聘才小編為大家搜索整理的，歡迎大家閱讀。ted演講稿脆弱的力量

那我就這么開始吧：幾年前，一個(gè)為我講演活動(dòng)的策劃人打電話給我，她在電話里說(shuō)：“我真很苦惱該如何在宣傳單上介紹你”。我心想，這有什么苦惱呢?

她繼續(xù)道：“你看，我聽過(guò)你的演講，我覺(jué)得我可以稱你為研究者?？晌覔?dān)心的是，如果我這么稱呼你，沒(méi)人會(huì)來(lái)聽，因?yàn)榇蠹移毡檎J(rèn)為研究員是很無(wú)趣而且脫離現(xiàn)實(shí)?！边@說(shuō)的很對(duì)。然后她說(shuō)：“但是我非常喜歡你的演講，你的講演就跟講故事一樣很吸引人。我想來(lái)想去，還是覺(jué)得稱你為講故事的人比較妥當(dāng)”。而那個(gè)做學(xué)術(shù)的、感到不安的我脫口而出道：“你要叫我什么?”她說(shuō)：“我要稱你為講故事的人?！蔽倚南耄骸盀槭裁床桓纱嘟心Хㄐ【`?”我說(shuō)：“讓我考慮一下?！?/p>

我試著鼓起勇氣。我對(duì)自己說(shuō)，我是一個(gè)講故事的人。我是一個(gè)從事定性研究的科研人員。我收集故事，這就是我的工作?；蛟S故事就是有靈魂的數(shù)據(jù)?；蛟S我就是一個(gè)講故事的人。于是我說(shuō)：“聽著，要不你就稱我為做研究兼講故事的人?！彼笮χf(shuō)：”哈哈，沒(méi)這么個(gè)說(shuō)法呀?！?/p>

所以我是個(gè)做研究兼講故事的人，我今天想跟大家談?wù)摰模何覀円務(wù)摰脑掝}是關(guān)于拓展認(rèn)知。我想給你們講幾個(gè)故事是關(guān)于我的一份研究工作，這份研究從本質(zhì)上拓寬了我個(gè)人的認(rèn)知，也確確實(shí)實(shí)改變了我生活、愛、工作還有教育孩子的方式。我的故事從這里開始：當(dāng)我還是個(gè)年輕的博士研究生的時(shí)候，第一年,一位研究教授對(duì)我們說(shuō)：“事實(shí)是這樣的，如果有一個(gè)東西你無(wú)法測(cè)量，那么它就不存在?！蔽倚南胨皇窃诤搴逦覀冞@些小孩子吧。我說(shuō)：“真的么?”他說(shuō)：“這是理所當(dāng)然的?！?/p>

你知道我有一個(gè)社會(huì)工作的學(xué)士文憑，一個(gè)社會(huì)工作的碩士文憑，我當(dāng)時(shí)在讀的是一個(gè)社會(huì)工作的博士文憑，所以我整個(gè)學(xué)術(shù)生涯都被人所包圍，他們大抵相信生活是一團(tuán)亂麻，接受它。而我的觀點(diǎn)則傾向于，生活是一團(tuán)亂麻，解開它，把它整理好，再歸類放入有條理的盒子里。

我當(dāng)時(shí)認(rèn)為我領(lǐng)悟到了我的方向，找到了我的工作，有能力自己去創(chuàng)一番事業(yè)。社會(huì)工作的一個(gè)重要特征是工作的環(huán)境是一團(tuán)遭的不適環(huán)境。我當(dāng)時(shí)想我就是要把這不適環(huán)境翻個(gè)底朝天，每科都拿到A。這就是我當(dāng)時(shí)的信條。我當(dāng)時(shí)真的是躍躍欲試。我想這就是我的職業(yè)生涯，因?yàn)槲覍?duì)亂成一團(tuán)，難以處理的課題很感興趣。我想要把它們弄清楚，我想要理解它們，我想進(jìn)入那些我知道是重要的東西，把它們摸個(gè)透，然后用淺顯易懂的方式呈獻(xiàn)給每一個(gè)人。

當(dāng)時(shí)我的起點(diǎn)是“人與人之間的連接關(guān)系”。這是因?yàn)楫?dāng)你從事了10年的社會(huì)工作，你必然會(huì)發(fā)現(xiàn)這種連接關(guān)系就是我們活著的原因。它賦予了我們生命的意義，就是這么簡(jiǎn)單。無(wú)論你跟誰(shuí)交流，工作在社會(huì)執(zhí)法領(lǐng)域的也好，負(fù)責(zé)精神健康、虐待和疏于看管領(lǐng)域的也好，我們所知道的是，這種連接關(guān)系是一種感應(yīng)的能力，生物神經(jīng)上的，我們就是這么被設(shè)定的，這就是為什么我們?cè)谶@里。

所以我就從連接關(guān)系開始。下面這個(gè)場(chǎng)景我們是再熟悉不過(guò)了，你的上司給你作工作評(píng)估，她告訴了你在37件事上你做得相當(dāng)棒，但還有一點(diǎn)，有可以進(jìn)一步提高的空間?然后你滿腦子都想著那一點(diǎn)提高的空間，不是么?這也是我當(dāng)時(shí)研究的課題，因?yàn)楫?dāng)你跟人們談?wù)搻矍闀r(shí)，他們告訴你的是一件讓他們心碎的事;當(dāng)你跟人們談?wù)摎w屬感時(shí)，他們告訴你的是最讓他們痛心地被排斥的經(jīng)歷;當(dāng)你跟人們談?wù)撊伺c人的連接關(guān)系時(shí)，他們跟我講的是如何被斷絕關(guān)系的故事。

所以很快，在大約開始研究這個(gè)課題6周以后，我遇到了一個(gè)前所未聞的東西，它以一種我不理解也從沒(méi)見過(guò)的方式，揭示了人與人之間的連接關(guān)系。所以我暫停了原先的研究計(jì)劃，我對(duì)自己說(shuō)，我得弄清楚這東西到底是什么。它最終被鑒定為恥辱感。

恥辱感這個(gè)詞很容易理解，即害怕被斷絕關(guān)系。如果一些關(guān)于自己的事被別人知道了或看到了，別人會(huì)認(rèn)為自己是不值得交往的人?我要告訴你們的是：這種現(xiàn)象很普遍;我們都會(huì)有這種想法。沒(méi)有體驗(yàn)過(guò)恥辱的人是不會(huì)對(duì)人產(chǎn)生對(duì)愛的向往或希望建立關(guān)系。沒(méi)人想談?wù)撟约旱聂苁?，你談?wù)摰脑缴伲阍礁械娇蓯u。滋生恥辱感的是一種“我不夠好”的心態(tài)，我們都知道這是個(gè)什么滋味：“我不夠什么：我不夠苗條，不夠有錢，不夠漂亮，不夠聰明，職位不夠高?！?而支撐這種心態(tài)的是一種刻骨銘心的脆弱，而克服這一脆弱感的關(guān)鍵在于要有人與人之間的連系，我們必須讓自己被看見，真真切切地被看見。

你知道我怎么看待脆弱?我恨它。所以我思考著，這次是輪到我用我的標(biāo)尺擊潰它的時(shí)候了。我要闖進(jìn)去，把它弄清楚，我要花一年的時(shí)間，徹底瓦解恥辱，我要搞清楚脆弱是怎么運(yùn)作的，然后我要智取勝過(guò)它。所以我準(zhǔn)備好了，非常興奮。跟你預(yù)計(jì)的一樣，結(jié)果事與愿違。你們知道這個(gè)(結(jié)果)。

我現(xiàn)在能告訴你關(guān)于恥辱的很多東西，但那樣我就得占用別人的時(shí)間了。但我在這兒可以告訴你，歸根到底，這也許是我在從事研究的數(shù)十年中學(xué)到的最重要的東西。我當(dāng)時(shí)預(yù)計(jì)的一年變成了六年，我搜集到成千上萬(wàn)的故事，成千上百個(gè)采訪，焦點(diǎn)集中。有時(shí)人們發(fā)給我定期報(bào)道，發(fā)給我他們的故事，不計(jì)其數(shù)的數(shù)據(jù)，所有這些都發(fā)生在這六年的時(shí)間。通過(guò)這些數(shù)據(jù)，我大概掌握了它。

我以為我理解了恥辱，它的運(yùn)作方式。我于是寫了一本書，我出版了一個(gè)理論，但我總覺(jué)得哪里不對(duì)勁，這么來(lái)說(shuō)吧，如果我粗略地把我采訪過(guò)的人分析一下，他們可以分成兩種，一種是具有自我價(jià)值感的人，說(shuō)到底就是自我價(jià)值感，他們勇于去愛并且擁有強(qiáng)烈的歸屬感;另一部分則是為之苦苦掙扎的人，總是懷疑自己是否足夠好的人。

區(qū)分那些敢于去愛并擁有強(qiáng)烈歸屬感的人和那些為之而苦苦掙扎的人的變量只有一個(gè)。那就是，那些敢于去愛并擁有強(qiáng)烈歸屬感的人相信他們值得被愛，值得享有歸屬感。就這么簡(jiǎn)單。他們相信自己的價(jià)值。而對(duì)于我來(lái)說(shuō)，最困難的一點(diǎn)是有一種東西使得人們對(duì)這種關(guān)系感到恐懼，他們認(rèn)為他們不值得有這種愛和歸宿感的關(guān)系，無(wú)論從個(gè)人，還是職業(yè)上我都覺(jué)得我有必要去更深入地了解這個(gè)秘訣。所以接下來(lái)我找出所有的采訪記錄，找出那些體現(xiàn)自我價(jià)值的，那些持有這種觀念的記錄，集中研究它們。第一群人有什么共同之處?我對(duì)辦公用品有點(diǎn)癡迷，但這是另一個(gè)話題了。我拿起一個(gè)牛皮紙文件夾，還有一個(gè)三福記號(hào)筆，我心想，我該怎么給這項(xiàng)研究命名呢?第一個(gè)蹦入我腦子的是全心專注這個(gè)詞。這是一群全心專注、靠著一種強(qiáng)烈的自我價(jià)值感在生活的人們。所以我在牛皮紙夾的上端正地寫上這個(gè)詞，而后我開始查看數(shù)據(jù)。

事實(shí)上，我開始用了四天時(shí)間集中分析數(shù)據(jù)，我從頭翻出那些采訪，找出其中的故事和事件：主題是什么?有什么規(guī)律?我丈夫帶著孩子離開了小鎮(zhèn)，因?yàn)槲依鲜窍萑胂窠芸诉d.波洛克(美國(guó)近代抽象派畫家)似的瘋狂狀態(tài)，我一直在寫，完全沉浸在研究的狀態(tài)中。

下面是我的發(fā)現(xiàn)：這些人的共同之處在于有勇氣。我想在這里先花片刻跟大家區(qū)分一下勇氣和膽量。勇氣，最初的定義，當(dāng)它剛出現(xiàn)在英文里的時(shí)候，詞源來(lái)自從拉丁文的cor，意思為心，是由此演變過(guò)來(lái)的，其最初的定義是真心地?cái)⑹鲆粋€(gè)故事，告訴大家你是誰(shuí)的。

所以這些人就具有勇氣承認(rèn)自己不完美。他們具有愛心，先是對(duì)自己的，再是對(duì)他人的。因?yàn)?，事?shí)就是這樣：我們?nèi)绻荒苌拼约?，我們也無(wú)法善待他人。最后一點(diǎn)，他們都能和他人建立關(guān)系，這是很難做到的，前提是他們必須坦誠(chéng)，他們?cè)敢夥艞壸约涸O(shè)定的那個(gè)理想的自我以換取真正的自我，這是贏得關(guān)系的必要條件。他們還有另外一個(gè)共同之處：他們欣然接受脆弱。他們相信，讓他們變得脆弱的東西也會(huì)讓他們變得美麗。他們不認(rèn)為脆弱是一種容易的事，但也不認(rèn)為脆弱是一種鉆心的疼痛，這應(yīng)驗(yàn)了我之前在關(guān)于恥辱的采訪中聽到的。他們只是簡(jiǎn)單地認(rèn)為脆弱是必須的。在采訪中他們談到，他們?cè)敢庀日f(shuō)出“我愛你”;愿意做那些具有風(fēng)險(xiǎn)性的事情;在做完乳房X光檢查之后，他們有勇氣等待醫(yī)生的電話結(jié)果;無(wú)論有沒(méi)有結(jié)果，他們?cè)敢鉃殛P(guān)系情感投資。他們覺(jué)得這些都是最根本的。

我當(dāng)時(shí)認(rèn)為那是自欺欺人。我無(wú)法相信我盡然對(duì)科研的方式曾宣誓效忠，研究的定義是控制(變量)然后預(yù)測(cè)，去研究現(xiàn)象，為了一個(gè)明確的目標(biāo)，進(jìn)行控制并預(yù)測(cè)。而我當(dāng)時(shí)這一通過(guò)控制與預(yù)測(cè)方式進(jìn)行的科研任務(wù)，卻出現(xiàn)了這樣一個(gè)結(jié)果：要想與脆弱共存就得停止控制，停止預(yù)測(cè)，于是我崩潰了。

我稱它為崩潰，我的心理醫(yī)生稱它為靈魂的覺(jué)醒。靈魂的覺(jué)醒當(dāng)然比精神崩潰要好聽得多，但我跟你說(shuō)那的確是一種精神崩潰。然后我不得不暫且把數(shù)據(jù)放一邊，去求助心理醫(yī)生。讓我告訴你：你很清楚知道你自己是誰(shuí)，當(dāng)你打電話跟你朋友說(shuō)：“我覺(jué)得我需要跟人好好談?wù)劇Ｄ阌惺裁春玫慕ㄗh嗎?”

我大約有五個(gè)朋友這么回答：“喔!我可不想當(dāng)你的心理醫(yī)生?！蔽艺f(shuō)：“你是什么意思?”他們說(shuō)：“我只是想說(shuō)，別帶上你的標(biāo)尺鞭子來(lái)見我。”我說(shuō)：“行。”就這樣我找到了一個(gè)心理醫(yī)生，她叫黛安娜。我跟她的第一次見面時(shí)，我?guī)チ艘环荼韱危@些人都是那些全身心投入生活的生活方式，見到黛安娜，我坐下了。她說(shuō)：“你好嗎?”我說(shuō)：“我很好。還不賴?！彼f(shuō)：“發(fā)生了什么事?” 這是一個(gè)治療心理醫(yī)生的心理醫(yī)生，我們不得不去看這些心理醫(yī)生，因?yàn)樗麄兊膹U話測(cè)量?jī)x很準(zhǔn)(知道你什么時(shí)候在說(shuō)真心話)。我說(shuō)：“事情是這樣的。我很糾結(jié)。”她說(shuō)：“你糾結(jié)什么?”我說(shuō)：“嗯，我跟脆弱過(guò)不去。事實(shí)上，我知道脆弱是恥辱和恐懼的根源，是我們?yōu)樽晕覂r(jià)值而掙扎的根源。但它同時(shí)又是歡樂(lè)、創(chuàng)造性、歸屬感、愛的源泉。所以我覺(jué)得我有困惑，我需要幫助指導(dǎo)?！蔽已a(bǔ)充道：“但是，這跟家庭無(wú)關(guān)，沒(méi)有童年那些亂七八糟的事”?！拔抑皇切枰恍┎呗浴?，我接著說(shuō)。戴安娜的反應(yīng)是這樣的，(她學(xué)著醫(yī)生那樣，慢慢地點(diǎn)著頭)。我接著說(shuō)：“這很糟糕，對(duì)么?”她說(shuō)：“這不算好，但也不算壞”。“事情本身就是這樣”，她接著說(shuō)。我說(shuō)：“哦!我的天，事情全要更為混亂了!”

糾纏不清的事果然發(fā)生了，但又沒(méi)有發(fā)生。大概有一年的時(shí)間。你知道的，有些人當(dāng)他們發(fā)現(xiàn)脆弱和溫柔很是重要的時(shí)候，他們放下所有戒備，欣然接受。我要聲明，一，這不是我，二，我朋友里面也沒(méi)有這樣的人。對(duì)我來(lái)說(shuō)，那是長(zhǎng)達(dá)一年的斗爭(zhēng)。是場(chǎng)激烈的混戰(zhàn)，脆弱打我一拳，我又還擊它一拳。最后我輸了，但我或許贏回了我的生活。

然后我再度投入到了我的研究中，又花了幾年時(shí)間真正試圖去理解那些全身心投入生活的人，他們做了怎樣的決定?他們是如何應(yīng)對(duì)脆弱的?為什么我們?yōu)橹纯鄴暝?我是獨(dú)自在跟脆弱斗爭(zhēng)嗎?不是。這是我學(xué)到的：我們對(duì)脆弱開始麻痹了，(例如)當(dāng)我們等待(醫(yī)生)電話的時(shí)候。好笑的是，我在Twitter微博和Facebook上發(fā)布了一條信息：“你怎樣定義脆弱?什么會(huì)讓你感到脆弱?”在一個(gè)半小時(shí)內(nèi)，我收到了150條回復(fù)。因?yàn)槲蚁胫来蠹叶际窃趺聪氲摹?/p>

當(dāng)時(shí)我不得不請(qǐng)求丈夫幫忙，因?yàn)槲也×耍椅覀儎偨Y(jié)婚。跟丈夫提出要做愛;跟妻子提出要做愛;被拒絕;約某人出來(lái);等待醫(yī)生的答復(fù);被裁員;裁掉別人，這就是我們生活的世界。我們活在一個(gè)脆弱的世界里。

我們應(yīng)對(duì)的方法之一是麻痹脆弱。我覺(jué)得這不是沒(méi)有依據(jù)，這也不是依據(jù)存在的唯一理由。我認(rèn)為我們當(dāng)代問(wèn)題的一大部分都可以歸咎于它。在美國(guó)歷史上，我們是欠債最多、肥胖、毒癮、用藥最為嚴(yán)重的一代。問(wèn)題是，我從研究中認(rèn)識(shí)到，你無(wú)法選擇性地麻痹感情。你不能說(shuō)，這些是不好的。這是脆弱，這是悲哀，這是恥辱，這是恐懼，這是失望，我不想要這些情感。我要去喝幾瓶啤酒，吃個(gè)香蕉堅(jiān)果松餅。我不想要這些情感。我知道臺(tái)下傳來(lái)的是會(huì)意的笑聲。別忘了，我是靠“入侵”你們的生活過(guò)日子的。天哪，我的上帝.你無(wú)法只麻痹那些痛苦的情感而不麻痹所有的感官，所有的情感。你無(wú)法有選擇性地去麻痹。當(dāng)我們麻痹那些(消極的情感)，我們也麻痹了歡樂(lè)，麻痹了感恩，麻痹了幸福。然后我們會(huì)變得痛不欲生，我們繼而尋找生命的意義，然后我們感到脆弱，然后我們喝幾瓶啤酒，吃個(gè)香蕉堅(jiān)果松餅。危險(xiǎn)的循環(huán)就這樣這形成了。我們需要思考的一件事是我們是為什么、怎么樣麻痹自己的?這不一定是指吸毒。我們麻痹自己的另一個(gè)方式是把不確定的事變得確定。宗教已經(jīng)從一種信仰、一種對(duì)不可知的相信變成了確定。我是對(duì)的，你是錯(cuò)的。閉嘴。就是這樣。只要是確定的就是好的。我們?cè)绞呛ε?，我們就越脆弱，然后我們變得愈加害怕，這件就是當(dāng)今政治的現(xiàn)狀。探討已經(jīng)不復(fù)存在。對(duì)話已經(jīng)蕩然無(wú)存。有的僅僅是指責(zé)。你知道研究領(lǐng)域是如何描述指責(zé)的嗎?一種發(fā)泄痛苦與不快的方式。

我們追求完美。如果有人想這樣塑造他的生活，那個(gè)人就是我，但這行不通。因?yàn)槲覀冏龅闹皇前哑ü缮系馁樔馀驳轿覀兊哪樕?。這真是，我希望一百年以后，當(dāng)人們回過(guò)頭來(lái)會(huì)不禁感嘆：“哇!”這是最危險(xiǎn)的，我們想要我們的孩子變得完美。讓我告訴你我們是如何看待孩子的。從他們出生的那刻起，他們就注定要掙扎。當(dāng)你把這些完美的寶寶抱在懷里的時(shí)候，我們的任務(wù)不是說(shuō)：“看看她，她完美的無(wú)可挑剔”。而是確保她保持完美：保證她五年級(jí)的時(shí)候可以進(jìn)網(wǎng)球隊(duì)，七年級(jí)的時(shí)候穩(wěn)進(jìn)耶魯。那不是我們的任務(wù)!我們的任務(wù)是注視著她，對(duì)她說(shuō)，“你知道嗎?你并不完美，你注定要奮斗，但你值得被愛，值得享有歸屬感”，這才是我們的職責(zé)。讓我看來(lái)，用這種方式培養(yǎng)出來(lái)的一代孩子，我保證我們今天所有的問(wèn)題會(huì)得到解決。

我們假裝我們的行為不會(huì)影響他人。不僅在我們個(gè)人生活中我們這么做，在公司中也一樣：無(wú)論是提供緊急資助避免公司倒閉，石油泄漏事故，還是有疵產(chǎn)品的召回。我們假裝我們做的事對(duì)他人不會(huì)造成什么大影響。我想對(duì)這些公司說(shuō)：嘿，這不是我們第一次牛仔式的野蠻競(jìng)技。我們只要你坦誠(chéng)地，真心地說(shuō)一句：“對(duì)不起，我們會(huì)很好處理這個(gè)問(wèn)題”。

但還有一種方法，我把它留給你們。這是我的心得：卸下我們的面具，讓我們被看見，深入地被看見，即便是脆弱的一面;不管有多大的風(fēng)險(xiǎn)，全心全意地去愛，這是最困難的。

我也可以告訴你，我作為一名孩子的父母，這個(gè)非常非常困難的：帶著一顆感恩的心，保持快樂(lè)，哪怕是在最恐懼的時(shí)候，哪怕我們懷疑：“我能不能愛得這么深?我能不能如此熱情地相信這份感情?我能不能如此矢志不渝?”在消極的時(shí)候能夠扛得住，而不是一味地幻想事情會(huì)如何變得更糟。對(duì)自己說(shuō)：“我已經(jīng)很感恩了，因?yàn)槟芨惺艿竭@種脆弱，這意味著我還活著?！?/p>

最后，還有最重要的一點(diǎn)，那就是相信我們已經(jīng)做得夠好了。因?yàn)槲蚁嘈女?dāng)我們?cè)谝粋€(gè)讓人覺(jué)得“我已經(jīng)足夠了”的環(huán)境中打拼的時(shí)候，我們會(huì)停止抱怨，開始傾聽，我們會(huì)對(duì)周圍的人會(huì)更友善，更溫和，對(duì)自己也會(huì)更友善，更溫和。

這就是我演講的全部?jī)?nèi)容。謝謝大家。

第三篇：Ted語(yǔ)言的力量演講稿2020[范文模版]

語(yǔ)言是文化戰(zhàn)爭(zhēng)中最基本的武器。這就像是我們的步槍，我們每一人都擁有，我們可以用它去塑造一個(gè)中國(guó)的形象。一起來(lái)看看Ted語(yǔ)言的力量演講稿2020，歡迎查閱!

Ted語(yǔ)言的力量演講稿1

放學(xué)回家，我把比大秤砣還重的書包放在沙發(fā)上，就開始寫作業(yè)，剛寫了五六個(gè)字，肚子就叫得比喇叭都要響。于是我就跑到廚房里，向媽媽討口飯吃。忽然想起了老師留的三句話，就趕緊對(duì)媽媽說(shuō)了。

我說(shuō)了第一句：“媽媽，您辛苦了!”剛說(shuō)完，媽媽就回敬我一句：“你缺心眼呀，沒(méi)看見我正在做菜嗎?”看來(lái)這句話不好使，我再來(lái)說(shuō)第二句話。于是我又說(shuō)：“媽媽，您歇會(huì)兒吧!”可媽媽又說(shuō)：“你是不是喝了迷魂湯了，沒(méi)看見我正在忙著呢嗎?我歇了，你吃什么，難道你還能吃草呀?”看來(lái)這句話還不行，我還得把第三句話給用上，我就對(duì)媽媽說(shuō)：“那媽媽，我來(lái)幫您吧!”“你可得了吧，你做的菜比臭豆腐還難吃，趕快去寫作業(yè)吧!”

唉，說(shuō)了這么多，媽媽連個(gè)笑臉都沒(méi)有，反而被澆了一盆涼水，要不是老師留了這三句話的作業(yè)，我才不討這沒(méi)趣呢。媽媽肯定是忙壞了，才對(duì)我的關(guān)心漠然處之。媽媽的話也真夠打擊人的了，這樣的話以后還要不要再說(shuō)呢?不知道。

這使我想起了聾青蛙的故事。那個(gè)故事發(fā)生在一個(gè)大土坑里。兩只青蛙掉進(jìn)了深坑，怎么也跳不出來(lái)，其它的青蛙都勸它們，不要費(fèi)力氣了，出不來(lái)的。其中一只倒地死去，可另一只青蛙是聾子，以為它們?cè)诠膭?lì)它，就一直跳，最后它終于跳了出來(lái)。

這讓我知道了語(yǔ)言的力量是多么神奇!不要吝嗇你的贊美之辭，感激之情，把它說(shuō)出來(lái)，這個(gè)世界會(huì)更美麗。

Ted語(yǔ)言的力量演講稿2

大家好!我是來(lái)自某年某班的某某，今天我演講的題目是《語(yǔ)言的力量》。

古語(yǔ)有云“沉默是金”，但在我的眼里，沉默是鐵。

我曾看過(guò)一篇文章，講的是一個(gè)剛步入社會(huì)的青年由于總是秉承“多干少說(shuō)”的觀念做事，不去展露自己的才能，導(dǎo)致失去了一個(gè)很重要的機(jī)會(huì)。這個(gè)故事不正是我們大多數(shù)人的真實(shí)寫照嗎?語(yǔ)言，一定要表達(dá)出來(lái)，才能發(fā)揮它的力量。更何況，我們生活在一個(gè)信息如此發(fā)達(dá)的時(shí)代，不去表達(dá)怎么行呢?

時(shí)代在變，人自然也要緊隨其后。人們總說(shuō)“眼睛是心靈的窗戶”，那么同樣也可以說(shuō)：語(yǔ)言是智慧的殿堂。若是將這些觀點(diǎn)引入歷史之中，不也有很多鮮活的例子嗎?例如，婦嬬皆知的諸葛亮舌戰(zhàn)群儒、墨子勸楚、晏子使楚……

我們不能說(shuō)任何語(yǔ)言都是好的，因?yàn)榭傆心敲匆恍┤嗽埔嘣频恼Z(yǔ)言，可是也有那么多好的語(yǔ)言供我作文http://004km.cn/們學(xué)習(xí)品鑒，難道不是?

語(yǔ)言往往是促進(jìn)社會(huì)發(fā)展的一大推力。人類剛誕生時(shí)，“集體”這個(gè)概念對(duì)他們來(lái)說(shuō)，是可有可無(wú)。但人類的眾多分支里，智人卻憑借著“講八卦”的能力，形成了比其他人類分支更為龐大的集體，并最終憑借這項(xiàng)能力消滅了其他人類分支，稱霸地球。

可能有人會(huì)問(wèn)，憑什么說(shuō)是語(yǔ)言的力量讓他們統(tǒng)治地球的?

我可以這樣回答你：語(yǔ)言的最初作用就是凝聚人心。在其他人類分支還忙于狩獵采集時(shí)，我們的祖先就憑借著一時(shí)的奇思妙想，學(xué)會(huì)了其他人類分支還未學(xué)到的“講八卦”，這也是他們能成功聚在一起的重要原因之一。

語(yǔ)言是最甘甜的瓊漿，是最珍貴的寶藏，同時(shí)也是這個(gè)世上最美的贊歌。語(yǔ)言的力量，永遠(yuǎn)是智慧殿堂里最強(qiáng)大的武器。讓我們學(xué)好語(yǔ)言，正確運(yùn)用語(yǔ)言的強(qiáng)大力量吧!

謝謝大家，我的演講完畢!

Ted語(yǔ)言的力量演講稿3

希特勒曾經(jīng)說(shuō)過(guò)：“推動(dòng)歷史發(fā)展的只有兩種力量，宗教的力量和語(yǔ)言的力量。”

語(yǔ)言的力量!他自己就是一個(gè)語(yǔ)言家，正是他的言語(yǔ)將他推上了至高無(wú)上的政治王座。變得無(wú)比瘋狂，強(qiáng)大。再回想我國(guó)古代，戰(zhàn)國(guó)時(shí)期，七國(guó)爭(zhēng)霸，那些縱橫于政治舞臺(tái)之上，活躍于各國(guó)之間，最終留名青史的人，不也都是靠著一條三寸不爛之舌嗎?語(yǔ)言的力量，推動(dòng)歷史的力量!

中國(guó)人越來(lái)越愛說(shuō)朝鮮人民的笑話了，越來(lái)越愛說(shuō)這個(gè)致力于讓人民吃上米飯的國(guó)家的笑話了，這個(gè)住著世界上最幸福的人民的國(guó)家。

朝鮮人民說(shuō)：“這個(gè)世界上，我們是最幸福!”

朝鮮人來(lái)到了中國(guó)探親，忽遇一農(nóng)家小院，遂入，發(fā)現(xiàn)地上有一鐵碗，里面盛滿了白米飯，還有一些肉片，想不起自己是在多少年前吃過(guò)這樣的飯了，她異常感動(dòng)，“中國(guó)人民其實(shí)真幸福!”正當(dāng)這時(shí)，這家的草狗跑進(jìn)來(lái)，或論好聽一點(diǎn)中國(guó)田園犬，回來(lái)吃飯了，而飯就是地上那碗……

又記一朝鮮官員來(lái)到中國(guó)考察，西裝革履，十分體面，中國(guó)人民當(dāng)然也十分好客，夜夜都是五星級(jí)，待他走了，中國(guó)人傻了眼，五星級(jí)賓館，被洗劫空了……

記得我們小學(xué)老師論過(guò)：“去朝鮮，就可以有大富翁的感覺(jué)……”

雖然事實(shí)十分殘酷，但中國(guó)人這樣不好，幸災(zāi)樂(lè)禍，更何況自己也好不到哪里去，最后還傷害了人家民族自尊心。

又想起了那句“這世界上，我們最幸?！钡目谔?hào)，但這一次，它卻是如此的空洞，飄渺，微弱。朝鮮人民萬(wàn)歲，共產(chǎn)主義萬(wàn)歲!

語(yǔ)言，是事實(shí)的表現(xiàn)，是時(shí)代批評(píng)者的利劍，事實(shí)家的武器。但當(dāng)其與事實(shí)不負(fù)，甚至相互矛盾時(shí)，他的力量終究也只是一時(shí)的，強(qiáng)大卻稍縱即逝。

回首歷史，強(qiáng)大的德意志終是灰飛煙滅，希特勒死于殘?jiān)珨啾谥校鶉?guó)雖在說(shuō)客的舌下聯(lián)合抗秦，但最終還是為強(qiáng)秦所征服。語(yǔ)言家所創(chuàng)造出的歷史，最終還是被歷史大潮所湮滅。

這就是語(yǔ)言的力量，所謂創(chuàng)造歷史的力量，賣弄它的小丑們呀!終會(huì)為歷史所唾棄。

Ted語(yǔ)言的力量演講稿4

我家鄰居劉老師，人稱劉老，他自稱劉姥姥。54歲那年，他從教學(xué)第一線退下來(lái)，決定去私立學(xué)校打工，以實(shí)現(xiàn)旅游兼考察的計(jì)劃。

一天，劉姥姥打開電腦，在網(wǎng)上尋找用人單位，選中一家，他便發(fā)去一封長(zhǎng)信，全面介紹自己。從本科畢業(yè)到教研組長(zhǎng)，從年年獲獎(jiǎng)到15年任教高三畢業(yè)班，洋洋灑灑千余字，他把信投入信箱，像發(fā)出請(qǐng)柬，專等客人的到來(lái)?？墒堑葋?lái)的是不快：對(duì)方問(wèn)他是不是特級(jí)教師，他像受到了污辱，便不再搭理人家。

第二天，劉姥姥繼續(xù)尋思招聘的事。打開電腦，讀著昨天的信，他笑了，平庸，沒(méi)一點(diǎn)特色，還語(yǔ)文教師呢。在言不由衷的吹噓隨處可見的時(shí)代，你誠(chéng)懇之至，甚至脫得光光，一絲不掛地站到別人面前，未必就能得到他的信任;相反只給他一個(gè)朦朧的背影，說(shuō)不定他會(huì)追著要見你呢。于是，他將長(zhǎng)信濃縮成一組

數(shù)字排比：“有一位高中語(yǔ)文教師，54歲年齡，44歲精力，34歲抱負(fù)，24歲飯量，沒(méi)有特級(jí)教師的光環(huán)，但有特別驕人的業(yè)績(jī)，愿借貴校平臺(tái)施展自己的教學(xué)才華，不知賞識(shí)否?”他把短信發(fā)給一所學(xué)校，說(shuō)來(lái)也巧，第二天，校長(zhǎng)就打來(lái)電話，讓他前去應(yīng)試。

在這所學(xué)校干了一年，劉姥姥又帶著特制的名片去拜訪另一所學(xué)校。他趕到該校，負(fù)責(zé)人不在，只有招生部一位女士在班。他說(shuō)明來(lái)意，女士斷然回絕：“學(xué)校不缺語(yǔ)文教師?！眲⒗牙烟统雒?，女士接過(guò)一看，一組數(shù)字呈現(xiàn)在她的眼前：55歲年齡，45歲精力，35歲抱負(fù)，25歲飯量。女士看罷數(shù)字，臉上多云轉(zhuǎn)晴，笑著說(shuō)：“劉老師真會(huì)說(shuō)話?！眲⒗牙颜f(shuō)：“說(shuō)和寫是語(yǔ)文教師的專長(zhǎng)，如果能和你同事，一定與你好好切磋說(shuō)和寫問(wèn)題?！迸恳桓南惹暗膽B(tài)度：“劉老師，我一定向校長(zhǎng)推薦你?！睅滋旌?，劉姥姥接到了這所學(xué)校的電話，排比句又一次征服了招聘單位。

兩年后，劉姥姥想去北京闖蕩。一家高考復(fù)習(xí)班招聘語(yǔ)文教師，言明只招中青年教師。劉姥姥相信自己的實(shí)力，更相信語(yǔ)言的力量，再一次改動(dòng)排比句，把它編進(jìn)電子郵件：“劉某某，男，57歲年齡，47歲精力，37歲抱負(fù)，27歲飯量，沒(méi)有特級(jí)教師的光環(huán)，但有特別驕人的業(yè)績(jī)，你給我一個(gè)平臺(tái)，我還你一個(gè)驚喜?！迸疟染湓俅伟l(fā)生效力，校長(zhǎng)電話邀請(qǐng)，很快在北京見面。

有人崇拜權(quán)力，權(quán)力是一種力量，其實(shí)語(yǔ)言又何嘗不是一種力量呢!劉姥姥今年58，明年59，相信他還會(huì)用他智慧的語(yǔ)言贏得更多的信任和尊重，在人生舞臺(tái)上演出更精彩的節(jié)目。

Ted語(yǔ)言的力量演講稿5

每當(dāng)打開博客網(wǎng)頁(yè)，總是先看看自己上一次發(fā)表的文章題目后面是否掛上了個(gè)“精”字，如果有個(gè)“精”字，總是心花怒放，手舞足蹈。明明知道自己的文章怎么也拿不上大雅之堂，何談得上是精品文章，老師給個(gè)好的評(píng)價(jià)，也只不過(guò)是對(duì)自己的鼓勵(lì)和鞭策罷了。然而，為什么如此在乎，如此興奮，想了好久，還是難以用幾句話準(zhǔn)確無(wú)誤地表達(dá)出來(lái)。幾年前我的鄰居李老師給我講的發(fā)生在他的同事身上的故事對(duì)我表達(dá)或者很有幫助。

下面就聽聽這個(gè)故事吧。

李老師的同事姓王，對(duì)書法很是興趣，經(jīng)常利用課余時(shí)間練筆，不少同學(xué)經(jīng)常圍攏在他身邊，耳濡目染，自然影響了很多學(xué)生。學(xué)生自發(fā)成立了一個(gè)書法興趣小組，請(qǐng)王老師予以指導(dǎo)。由于是初中學(xué)生，而且是沒(méi)有任何門檻的自愿參加，因此水平低、參差不齊是在所難免了。一次，一個(gè)學(xué)習(xí)成績(jī)平平的男孩很拘禁的將自己的習(xí)作遞給了王老師，王老師仔細(xì)端詳了好幾遍怎么也找不出什么優(yōu)點(diǎn)，筆畫似鋸齒，結(jié)構(gòu)不嚴(yán)禁，但是王老師微微一笑用“不錯(cuò)，豎直，橫平”的言語(yǔ)進(jìn)行鼓勵(lì)。過(guò)了幾天，這個(gè)男孩又捧著自己的習(xí)作來(lái)到王老師的面前，顯然這次大方多了，王老師看了看他的習(xí)作，又評(píng)價(jià)到：“不錯(cuò)，筆劃勻稱，結(jié)構(gòu)也較嚴(yán)緊”。兩年過(guò)去了，在畢業(yè)那年，這個(gè)男孩不但成了一個(gè)書法特招生，而且在他所考取的學(xué)校中專業(yè)課成績(jī)第一名。男孩捧著特招通知書，向王老師道謝，王老師依然是那一句的“不錯(cuò)……”

看著這個(gè)男孩，學(xué)校的老師、家長(zhǎng)不禁感慨萬(wàn)千。語(yǔ)言力量如此之大，如果第一次王老師看到他的習(xí)作后，指三道四，這也不行，那也不該，橫挑鼻子豎挑眼，也就少了一個(gè)書法愛好者，也就少了一個(gè)書法專業(yè)特招生，多了一個(gè)家庭思想包袱，因?yàn)閼{他的學(xué)習(xí)成績(jī)說(shuō)什么也不會(huì)升入高的一級(jí)學(xué)校深造。這就是為人師的藝術(shù)，以寬容之心，以長(zhǎng)遠(yuǎn)的目光，發(fā)現(xiàn)和培養(yǎng)學(xué)生興趣，循循善誘，培養(yǎng)學(xué)生身上每一個(gè)閃光點(diǎn)，靜靜等待百煉成鋼的那一天。

故事結(jié)束了。聽這個(gè)故事的你是否和我一樣的想法：我們這里的老師也是這樣，因?yàn)樗麄冎?，老師的一句溫馨的話語(yǔ)，一點(diǎn)小小的鼓勵(lì)，對(duì)于我們也許是一輩子的文字情緣。

Ted語(yǔ)言的力量演講稿2020

第四篇：Ted 演講稿 脆弱的力量

Brene Brown： The power of vulnerability So, I'll start with this: a couple years ago, an event planner called me because I was going to do a speaking event.And she called, and she said, “I'm really struggling with how to write about you on the little flier.” And I thought, “Well, what's the struggle?” And she said, “Well, I saw you speak, and I'm going to call you a researcher, I think, but I'm afraid if I call you a researcher, no one will come, because they'll think you're boring and irrelevant.”(Laughter)And I was like, “Okay.” And she said, “But the thing I liked about your talk is you're a storyteller.So I think what I'll do is just call you a storyteller.” And of course, the academic, insecure part of me was like, “You're going to call me a what?” And she said, “I'm going to call you a storyteller.” And I was like, “Why not magic pixie?”(Laughter)I was like, “Let me think about this for a second.” I tried to call deep on my courage.And I thought, you know, I am a storyteller.I'm a qualitative researcher.I collect stories;that's what I do.And maybe stories are just data with a soul.And maybe I'm just a storyteller.And so I said, “You know what? Why don't you just say I'm a researcher-storyteller.” And she went, “Haha.There's no such thing.”(Laughter)So I'm a researcher-storyteller, and I'm going to talk to you today--we're talking about expanding perception--and so I want to talk to you and tell some stories about a piece of my research that fundamentally expanded my perception and really actually changed the way that I live and love and work and parent.And this is where my story starts.When I was a young researcher, doctoral student, my first year I had a research professor who said to us, “Here's the thing, if you cannot measure it, it does not exist.” And I thought he was just sweet-talking me.I was like, “Really?” and he was like, “Absolutely.” And so you have to understand that I have a bachelor's in social work, a master's in social work, and I was getting my Ph.D.in social work, so my entire academic career was surrounded by people who kind of believed in the “l(fā)ife's messy, love it.” And I'm more of the, “l(fā)ife's messy, clean it up, organize it and put it into a bento box.”(Laughter)And so to think that I had found my way, to found a career that takes me--really, one of the big sayings in social work is, “Lean into the discomfort of the work.” And I'm like, knock discomfort upside the head and move it over and get all A's.That was my mantra.So I was very excited about this.And so I thought, you know what, this is the career for me, because I am interested in some messy topics.But I want to be able to make them not messy.I want to understand them.I want to hack into these things I know are important and lay the code out for everyone to see.So where I started was with connection.Because, by the time you're a social worker for 10 years, what you realize is that connection is why we're here.It's what gives purpose and meaning to our lives.This is what it's all about.It doesn't matter whether you talk to peoplewho work in social justice and mental health and abuse and neglect, what we know is that connection, the ability to feel connected, is--neurobiologically that's how we're wired--it's why we're here.So I thought, you know what, I'm going to start with connection.Well, you know that situation where you get an evaluation from your boss, and she tells you 37 things you do really awesome, and

one

thing

--

an

“opportunity

for growth?”(Laughter)And all you can think about is that opportunity for growth, right? Well, apparently this is the way my work went as well, because, when you ask people about love, they tell you about heartbreak.When you ask people about belonging, they'll tell you their most excruciating experiences of being excluded.And when you ask people about connection, the stories they told me were about disconnection.So very quickly--really about six weeks into this research--I ran into this unnamed thing that absolutely unraveled connection in a way that I didn't understand or had never seen.And so I pulled back out of the research and thought, I need to figure out what this is.And it turned out to be shame.And shame is really easily understood as the fear of disconnection: Is there something about me that, if other people know it or see it, that I won't be worthy of connection? The things I can tell you about it: it's universal;we all have it.The only people who don't experience shame have no capacity for human empathy or connection.No one wants to talk about it, and the less you talk about it the more you have it.What underpinned this shame, this “I'm not good enough,”--which we all know that feeling: “I'm not blank enough.I'm not thin enough, rich enough, beautiful enough, smart enough, promoted enough.” The thing

that

underpinned

this was

excruciating vulnerability, this idea of, in order for connection to happen, we have to allow ourselves to be seen, really seen.And you know how I feel about vulnerability.I hate vulnerability.And so I thought, this is my chance to beat it back with my measuring stick.I'm going in, I'm going to figure this stuff out,I'm going to spend a year, I'm going to totally deconstruct shame, I'm going to understand how vulnerability works, and I'm going to outsmart it.So I was ready, and I was really excited.As you know, it's not going to turn out well.(Laughter)You know this.So, I could tell you a lot about shame, but I'd have to borrow everyone else's time.But here's what I can tell you that it boils down to--and this may be one of the most important things that I've ever learned in the decade of doing this research.My one year turned into six years: thousands of stories,hundreds of long interviews, focus groups.At one point, people were sending me journal pagesand sending me their stories--thousands of pieces of data in six years.And I kind of got a handle on it.I kind of understood, this is what shame is, this is how it works.I wrote a book, I published a theory, but something was not okay--and what it was is that, if I roughly took the people I interviewed and divided them into people who really have a sense of worthiness--that's what this comes down to, a sense of worthiness--they have a strong sense of love and belonging--and folks who struggle for it, and folks who are always wondering if they're good enough.There was only one variable that separated the people who have a strong sense of love and belonging and the people who really struggle for it.And that was, the people who have a strong sense of love and belonging believe they're worthy of love and belonging.That's it.They believe they're worthy.And to me, the hard part of the one thing that keeps us out of connection is our fear that we're not worthy of connection, was something that, personally and professionally, I felt like I needed to understand better.So what I did is I took all of the interviews where I saw worthiness, where I saw people living that way, and just looked at those.What do these people have in common? I have a slight office supply addiction, but that's another talk.So I had a manila folder, and I had a Sharpie, and I was like, what am I going to call this research? And the first words that came to my mind were whole-hearted.These are whole-hearted people, living from this deep sense of worthiness.So I wrote at the top of the manila folder, and I started looking at the data.In fact, I did it first in a four-day very intensive data analysis, where I went back, pulled these interviews, pulled the stories, pulled the incidents.What's the theme? What's the pattern? My husband left town with the kids because I always go into this Jackson Pollock crazy thing, where I'm just like writing and in my researcher mode.And so here's what I found.What they had in common was a sense of courage.And I want to separate courage and bravery for you for a minute.Courage, the original definition of courage,when it first came into the English language--it's from the Latin word cor, meaning heart--and the original definition was to tell the story of who you are with your whole heart.And so these folks had, very simply, the courage to be imperfect.They had the compassion to be kind to themselves first and then to others, because, as it turns out, we can't practice compassion with other people if we can't treat ourselves kindly.And the last was they had connection, and--this was the hard part--as a result of authenticity, they were willing to let go of who they thought they should be in order to be who they were, which you have to absolutely do thatfor connection.The other thing that they had in common was this: They fully embraced vulnerability.They believed that what made them vulnerable made them beautiful.They didn't talk about vulnerability being comfortable, nor did they really talk about it being excruciating--as I had heard it earlier in the shame interviewing.They just talked about it being necessary.They talked about the willingness to say, “I love you” first, the willingness to do something where there are no guarantees, the willingness to breathe through waiting for the doctor to call after your mammogram.They're willing to invest in a relationship that may or may not work out.They thought this was fundamental.I personally thought it was betrayal.I could not believe I had pledged allegiance to research, where our job--you know, the definition of research is to control and predict, to study phenomena, for the explicit reason to control and predict.And now my mission to control and predict had turned up the answer that the way to live is with vulnerability and to stop controlling and predicting.This led to a little breakdown--(Laughter)--which actually looked more like this.(Laughter)And it did.I call it a breakdown;my therapist calls it a spiritual awakening.A spiritual awakening sounds better than breakdown, but I assure you it was a breakdown.And I had to put my data away and go find a therapist.Let me tell you something: you know who you are when you call your friends and say, “I think I need to see somebody.Do you have any recommendations?” Because about five of my friends were like, “Wooo.I wouldn't want to be your therapist.”(Laughter)I was like, “What does that mean?” And they're like, “I'm just saying, you know.Don't bring your measuring stick.” I was like, “Okay.” So I found a therapist.My first meeting with her, Diana--I brought in my list of the way the whole-hearted live, and I sat down.And she said, “How are you?” And I said, “I'm great.I'm okay.” She said, “What's going on?” And this is a therapist who sees therapists, because we have to go to those, because their B.S.meters are good.(Laughter)And so I said, “Here's the thing, I'm struggling.” And she said, “What's the struggle?” And I said, “Well, I have a vulnerability issue.And I know that vulnerability is the core of shame and fear and our struggle for worthiness, but it appears that it's also the birthplace of joy, of creativity, of belonging, of love.And I think I have a problem, and I need some help.” And I said, “But here's the thing: no family stuff, no childhood shit.”(Laughter)“I

just you.So

need she

goes

some like strategies.”(Laughter)(Applause)Thank this.(Laughter)And then I said, “It's bad, right?” And she said, “It's neither good nor bad.”(Laughter)“It just is what it is.” And I said, “Oh my God, this is going to suck.”(Laughter)And it did, and it didn't.And it took about a year.And you know how there are people that, when they realize that vulnerability and tenderness are important, that they surrender and walk into it.A: that's not me, and B: I don't even hang out with people like that.(Laughter)For me, it was a yearlong street fight.It was a slugfest.Vulnerability pushed, I pushed back.I lost the fight, but probably won my life back.And so then I went back into the research and spent the next couple of years really trying to understand what they, the whole-hearted, what choices they were

making, and

what

are

we

doing with vulnerability.Why do we struggle with it so much? Am I alone in struggling with vulnerability? No.So this is what I learned.We numb vulnerability--when we're waiting for the call.It was funny, I sent something out on Twitter and on Facebook that says, “How would you define vulnerability? What makes you feel vulnerable?” And within an hour and a half, I had 150 responses.Because I wanted to know what's out there.Having to ask my husband for help because I'm sick, and we're newly married;initiating sex with my husband;initiating sex with my wife;being turned down;asking someone out;waiting for the doctor to call back;getting laid off;laying off people--this is the world we live in.We live in a vulnerable world.And one of the ways we deal with it is we numb vulnerability.And I think there's evidence--and it's not the only reason this evidence exists, but I think it's a huge cause--we are the most in-debt, obese, addicted and medicated adult cohort in U.S.history.The problem is--and I learned this from the research--that you cannot selectively numb emotion.You can't say, here's the bad stuff.Here's vulnerability, here's

grief，here's

shame, here's

fear，here's disappointment.I don't want to feel these.I'm going to have a couple of beers and a banana nut muffin.(Laughter)I don't want to feel these.And I know that's knowing laughter.I hack into your lives for a living.God.(Laughter)You can't numb those hard feelings without numbing the other affects, our emotions.You cannot selectively numb.So when we numb those, we numb joy, we numb gratitude, we numb happiness.And then we are miserable, and we are looking for purpose and meaning, and then we feel vulnerable, so then we have a couple of beers and a banana nut muffin.And it becomes this dangerous cycle.One of the things that I think we need to think about is why and how we numb.And it doesn't just have to be addiction.The other thing we do is we make everything that's uncertain certain.Religion has gone from a belief in faith and mystery to certainty.I'm right, you're wrong.Shut up.That's it.Just certain.The more afraid we are, the more vulnerable we are, the more afraid we are.This is what politics looks like today.There's no discourse anymore.There's no conversation.There's just blame.You know how blame is described in the research? A way to discharge pain and discomfort.We perfect.If there's anyone who wants their life to look like this, it would be me, but it doesn't work.Because what we do is we take fat from our butts and put it in our cheeks.(Laughter)Which just, I hope in 100 years, people will look back and go, “Wow.”(Laughter)And we perfect, most dangerously, our children.Let me tell you what we think about children.They're hardwired for struggle when they get here.And when you hold those perfect little babies in your hand, our job is not to say, “Look at her, she's perfect.My job is just to keep her perfect--make sure she makes the tennis team by fifth grade and Yale by seventh grade.”That's not our job.Our job is to look and say, “You know what? You're imperfect, and you're wired for struggle, but you are worthy of love and belonging.” That's our job.Show me a generation of kids raised like that, and we'll end the problems I think that we see today.We pretend that what we do doesn't have an effect on people.We do that in our personal lives.We do that corporate--whether it's a bailout, an oil spill, a recall--we pretend like what we're doing doesn't have a huge impact on other people.I would say to companies, this is not our first rodeo, people.We just need you to be authentic and real and say, “We're sorry.We'll fix it.” But there's another way, and I'll leave you with this.This is what I have found: to let ourselves be seen, deeply seen, vulnerably seen;to love with our whole hearts, even though there's no guarantee--and that's really hard, and I can tell you as a parent, that's excruciatingly difficult--to practice gratitude and joy in those moments of terror, when we're wondering, “Can I love you this much? Can I believe in this this passionately? Can I be this fierce about this?” just to be able to stop and, instead of catastrophizing what might happen, to say, “I'm just so grateful, because to feel this vulnerable means I'm alive.” And the last, which I think is probably the most important, is to believe that we're enough.Because when we work from a place, I believe, that says, “I'm enough,” then we stop screaming and start listening, we're kinder and gentler to the people around us, and we're kinder and gentler to ourselves.That's all I have.Thank you.(Applause)

第五篇：傾聽的力量

傾聽的力量

熊浩

我們?cè)谝粋€(gè)溝通的，我們的輿論環(huán)境氛圍，包括我們正在錄制的這檔節(jié)目我是演說(shuō)家，都在鼓勵(lì)人們說(shuō)話。孟金輝導(dǎo)演在他著名的話劇《戀愛的犀?！樊?dāng)中有這樣一句經(jīng)典臺(tái)詞，他說(shuō)如果你愛一個(gè)人10分，但卻只能表達(dá)一分，倒不如啊你愛一個(gè)人一分，卻能表達(dá)10分。說(shuō)話之道，是我們這個(gè)時(shí)代的高頻詞匯，也是我想在座的每一位，我們都想具備的特殊技能。

我在大學(xué)當(dāng)中教授沖突解決，我?guī)椭ㄔ?、醫(yī)院、律所、企業(yè)解決各種各樣問(wèn)題，不同類型的糾紛。沖突見的多了/我有一個(gè)非常有趣的表現(xiàn)，那就是很多本可以管控良好的沖突，很多本可以處理妥當(dāng)?shù)拿苤宰詈蟊l(fā)，其實(shí)是因?yàn)橐恍O為瑣碎的原因，這其中最常見的就是我們好愛講但我們不愿意聽。哈佛大學(xué)的法學(xué)院的教授舉過(guò)這樣一個(gè)具有引喻意味的故事，他說(shuō)，我們?cè)O(shè)想一下我們是兩個(gè)孩子的父母親,有一天你拖著疲憊的身軀回到家中，你推開門發(fā)現(xiàn)兩個(gè)孩子正在爭(zhēng)搶一只橘子,你會(huì)怎么做？作為法律人讓我們把這個(gè)故事的細(xì)節(jié)勾勒的更加精準(zhǔn)細(xì)膩，首先第一，你只有一只橘子，你不能從后面拿出一堆橘子說(shuō)，沒(méi)關(guān)系爸爸是種橘子的，這不行。因?yàn)檫@個(gè)沖突的本質(zhì)是資源的有限，橘子的唯一，如果你有很多橘子本質(zhì)上就沒(méi)這個(gè)沖突，也就無(wú)所謂沖突的解決。第二兩個(gè)孩子當(dāng)然都是親生的，在這個(gè)前提下，你會(huì)怎么辦？

大家可以用自己直覺(jué)快速的有一個(gè)答案，我大概會(huì)聽到這樣的幾種：第一種哥哥應(yīng)該讓弟弟，因?yàn)樗^長(zhǎng)幼有序；另外一些人會(huì)說(shuō)弟弟應(yīng)該讓哥哥，因?yàn)榭兹谧尷?；我打賭，在座的各位，你們第一反應(yīng)最快直覺(jué)是從中間掰開一人一半，這是一個(gè)看上去多像正確答案的答案。我們看看教授怎么說(shuō)，哥哥拿走他的一半吃掉橘肉扔掉橘皮很正常，弟弟恰好相反，弟弟的做法是扔掉橘肉而留下橘皮。為什么？因?yàn)樗枰镜案猓蠹抑?，陳皮其?shí)是西點(diǎn)烘焙當(dāng)中常見的一種香料。

各位，剛才我所講的如果不是一個(gè)故事，而是一個(gè)電影，我們回轉(zhuǎn)、放映、定格，我們回到你分橘子前的那一瞬間我不知道在座各位有沒(méi)有一點(diǎn)點(diǎn)感覺(jué)，就是你大概少做了一個(gè)動(dòng)作，你讓一半的資源被浪費(fèi)，因?yàn)楸緛?lái)哥哥可以拿到一整只橘肉，而弟弟可以獲得一整片橘皮，那個(gè)你漏掉的動(dòng)作就是聽。我們每個(gè)人都會(huì)聽，但是要把聽放到判斷了解認(rèn)知之前，這是一種需要特別學(xué)習(xí)的修行。

我們通常說(shuō)我們是在溝通的時(shí)代，the age of communication，但是以我淺白的觀察，不是的，我們是在一個(gè)balabala演說(shuō)的時(shí)代，我們太多人說(shuō)話我們不大有聽。美國(guó)的數(shù)據(jù)，他說(shuō)現(xiàn)在美國(guó)的年輕人每天呢利用互聯(lián)網(wǎng)向外發(fā)出100條以上的資訊，我們隨時(shí)隨刻要和這個(gè)世界保持聯(lián)系，我們每分每秒都想發(fā)表我們的演說(shuō)，但他們跟父母的互動(dòng)在減少，更少的去聆聽別人的意見。

當(dāng)我們這個(gè)時(shí)代單一的強(qiáng)調(diào)說(shuō)，鼓勵(lì)說(shuō)，我不是說(shuō)有錯(cuò)，我說(shuō)這個(gè)當(dāng)中沒(méi)有實(shí)現(xiàn)聽與說(shuō)的平衡，過(guò)分只強(qiáng)調(diào)說(shuō)/我們將會(huì)變的越來(lái)越偏執(zhí)。理由非常簡(jiǎn)單，因?yàn)楫?dāng)我說(shuō)話的時(shí)候就像此際，我其實(shí)在強(qiáng)化既有的認(rèn)知，各位聽的時(shí)候/是在張開你的耳朵試圖聆聽不一樣的經(jīng)驗(yàn)。更何況大家如果留意中國(guó)的互聯(lián)網(wǎng)生態(tài)，我們一語(yǔ)不合，我們惡語(yǔ)相向。因?yàn)樵郊ち业难栽~才能顯示立場(chǎng)，越過(guò)分的聲音才能引發(fā)圍觀，只強(qiáng)調(diào)說(shuō)，而忽略聽，我們可能越來(lái)越極端/而失去真相。

美國(guó)有一個(gè)有趣的訪談節(jié)目，它的主要內(nèi)容啊就是主持人訪談一群小孩子，有一次主持人問(wèn)小孩子一個(gè)問(wèn)題說(shuō)大家將來(lái)想做什么，其中一個(gè)小朋友舉手說(shuō)我想開飛機(jī)我想做飛行員，主持人說(shuō)恩史密斯。那我問(wèn)你一個(gè)有挑戰(zhàn)性的問(wèn)題，假如有一天你開著飛機(jī)飛到大洋之上/沒(méi)汽油了,你會(huì)怎么辦？孩子說(shuō)，我我我會(huì)讓我所有乘客都系好安全帶，然后我自己背好降落傘包/趕緊跳下去，我……他還想說(shuō)他沒(méi)說(shuō)下去，因?yàn)樗难栽~已經(jīng)被/大人們笑聲打斷了，大人們自以為是的認(rèn)為，你看，人性當(dāng)中的惡連天真都包不住。(崩豆一樣)

主持人沒(méi)有，主持人/仍然聽，他好奇，他好奇說(shuō)孩子為什么會(huì)這樣想，當(dāng)孩子發(fā)現(xiàn)他被聆聽鼓勵(lì)，孩子才有可能繼續(xù)說(shuō)/他說(shuō)我要從飛機(jī)上跳下去/然后我要找到汽油然后趕緊飛回來(lái)拯救所有的乘客。沒(méi)有人再笑了，我們的自以為是/讓我們差點(diǎn)誤會(huì)這孩子，我們以為發(fā)現(xiàn)了惡，殊不知那是被太陽(yáng)萃練過(guò)的/童真的至善、善良。

當(dāng)我們?cè)趶?qiáng)調(diào)聽的價(jià)值，我們?cè)谡f(shuō)我們每一個(gè)人聲音、觀念、閱歷、體驗(yàn)都可以平等地被表達(dá)；當(dāng)我們?cè)趶?qiáng)調(diào)聽的觀念，我們是在說(shuō)，你的話，我有雅量，我有耐心、我有責(zé)任讓你講完；當(dāng)我們?cè)購(gòu)?qiáng)調(diào)聽的觀念我們絕不只是講溝通當(dāng)中的微小技術(shù)，我們是讓大家回憶在人類歷史上最閃光的價(jià)值觀，他們是平等、寬容，以及對(duì)自以為是的節(jié)制。

我來(lái)到演說(shuō)家這個(gè)舞臺(tái)，我沒(méi)有特別動(dòng)人和夸張的故事我只想給你傳達(dá)一些重要但微小的觀念，并呼吁大家和我們一起恢復(fù)聽的習(xí)慣，一起來(lái)養(yǎng)育聽的品德。因?yàn)橹挥羞@樣我們?nèi)撕腿酥g的溝通才有可能平和、開朗、通透，只有這樣你們/才能發(fā)現(xiàn)那個(gè)橘子背后/孩子真實(shí)的訴求，也只有這樣/我們才能驕傲的說(shuō)，真的，我們占據(jù)在一個(gè)叫溝通的/大時(shí)代。謝謝各位。