第一篇：幽默的英語(yǔ)演講稿

英語(yǔ)演講幽默開(kāi)場(chǎng)白

作為一個(gè)演講者，我從觀眾那只得到過(guò)兩種抱怨：一種是我講話聲音太大了，他們無(wú)法入睡；第二種是我講得時(shí)間太長(zhǎng)了，他們無(wú)法一直清醒。

作為一個(gè)講演者，他的演講總拿來(lái)和林肯的哥得堡演講[一個(gè)著名的演講]相比較。當(dāng)他演講結(jié)束時(shí)，也有悲傷、眼淚和悲痛——特別是計(jì)劃委員會(huì)。

幽默注釋：演講者講得太糟糕了，組織者哭得很傷心。

演講結(jié)束時(shí)，宴會(huì)主人感謝你從繁忙的日程中抽出時(shí)間來(lái)——你泰然自若，優(yōu)雅地點(diǎn)頭微笑著，心里非常清楚你日歷上唯一的事情就是就早餐后喝點(diǎn)咖啡 poise is when you finish your speech and the toastmaster thanks you for taking time out of your busy schedule to be a part of their program---and you nod and smile graciously knowing full well that the only thing on your calendar is a little coffee from breakfast.幽默注釋：一些老干部退休后沒(méi)什么事干，有人請(qǐng)他參加一些活動(dòng)，他還假裝很忙，好象推開(kāi)了很多事才趕去似的。

過(guò)去我演講時(shí)常常會(huì)比較緊張，但那時(shí)我看到一條信息說(shuō)如果你想象所有的觀眾都是裸體會(huì)有所幫助。此時(shí)此刻，我站在這里想象著觀眾都是裸體，真的起作用，我不再緊張了，但眼睛有些疲勞。i used to get nervous when giving a speech but then i read that it helps to think of the entire audience as being naked.and so, at this very moment, i’m standing up here imagining every one in this audience as being naked.and it really works.i no suffer from nervousness.eyestrain.yes 幽默注釋：把觀眾想象成裸體，意思是我不怕你們，就不緊張了。

創(chuàng)新句子：大部分人站在講臺(tái)上都會(huì)有點(diǎn)兒緊張，我屬于少部分人，我非常

緊張。

我本人不自負(fù)——我簡(jiǎn)直不能告訴你們我是多么欽佩我這一點(diǎn)。personally, i have never been conceited---and i can’t tell you how much i admire myself for that.幽默句子：他因?yàn)樽约翰蛔载?fù)，所以變得非常驕傲。

創(chuàng)新句子：我一點(diǎn)兒都不自負(fù)，我希望別人也這么看我.我先用簡(jiǎn)單明了的英語(yǔ)演講，以后我再翻譯給律師聽(tīng)。let me put this into plain english.i’ll translate it for the lawyers later.幽默注釋：律師總喜歡用復(fù)雜的語(yǔ)言，簡(jiǎn)單的話都聽(tīng)不懂了。

創(chuàng)新句子：我的講話有三個(gè)版本，小學(xué)生版本，中學(xué)生版本，大學(xué)生版本，你是聽(tīng)小學(xué)一年紀(jì)版的，還是小學(xué)二年紀(jì)版的？

如果你聽(tīng)過(guò)這個(gè)故事，請(qǐng)不要打斷我，我就知道這一個(gè)故事。if you’ve already heard this story, please don’t stop me because it’s the only one i know.幽默注釋：就是你知道兩個(gè)故事，講故事前也可以這么說(shuō)。

創(chuàng)新句子：我講個(gè)笑話，如果你們聽(tīng)過(guò)，也希望裝做沒(méi)聽(tīng)過(guò)，我也這樣照顧你們。

演講就象給草坪澆水，如果有四分之一的水滲下去你就滿意了。making a speech is like watering a lawn.you’re satisfied if just a quarter of it sinks in.幽默注釋：有人打呼嚕，有人說(shuō)話，都是正常的，有四分之一觀眾聽(tīng)就不錯(cuò)了。

幽默句子：即興演講的開(kāi)場(chǎng)白。

創(chuàng)新句子：我不知道你們會(huì)不會(huì)喜歡我的演講，我不知道我要講點(diǎn)兒什么 開(kāi)始前我想告訴你們下面的演講已經(jīng)編輯成了電視節(jié)目，我現(xiàn)在少講20分鐘，我們能夠及時(shí)趕回家看2臺(tái)的節(jié)目。

before i begin, i want you to know that the following speech has been edited for television.i cut 20 minutes out of it so we could all get home in time for the game on channel 2.幽默注釋：放著現(xiàn)場(chǎng)不看，偏要回家在電視上看。

可能你們有些人知道我今晚出現(xiàn)在這里有兩個(gè)原因：第一個(gè)原因是你們的計(jì)劃委員會(huì)一直在設(shè)法尋找一個(gè)聰明、有趣、老練的演講者，——他們找到了。第二個(gè)原因是那個(gè)人病了，所以就打電話把我找來(lái)了。

幽默注釋：一開(kāi)始好象在說(shuō)自己很牛，其實(shí)就是個(gè)臨時(shí)替場(chǎng)。

創(chuàng)新句子：我認(rèn)為我演講很風(fēng)趣，可為什么沒(méi)人笑呢？篇二：幽默英語(yǔ)演講稿

幽默英語(yǔ)演講稿 love your mother 愛(ài)你的母親

why are you crying, a young boy asked his mom? 你為什么哭?一個(gè)小男孩問(wèn)他的媽媽.because im a woman, she told him.因?yàn)槲沂桥?她告訴他.i dont understand, he said.我不明白.他回答

his mom just hugged him and said, and you never will, but thats o.k........媽媽擁抱了他說(shuō),你永遠(yuǎn)也不會(huì)明白,但沒(méi)關(guān)系...later the little boy asked his father, why does mom seem to cry for no reason?.后來(lái)小男孩問(wèn)他的父親媽媽為什么似乎在無(wú)緣無(wú)故的哭泣? all women cry for no reason, was all his dad could say......所有的女人都會(huì)常常沒(méi)有原因地哭泣,這是他的父親唯一可以解釋的...the little boy grew up and became a man, still wondering why women cry.等到小男孩長(zhǎng)大,成了男人的時(shí)候, 他仍然奇怪媽媽為什么哭.finally he put in a call to god and when god got back to him, he asked god, why do women cry so easily? 最后他把這件事禱告給上帝,他問(wèn)上帝,為什么女人容易哭泣? god answered......上帝回答: when i made woman, i decided she had to be special.i made her shoulders strong enough to carry the weight of the world, yet, 當(dāng)我創(chuàng)造女人的時(shí)候, 我決定把她造的很特別, 我讓她的雙肩強(qiáng)壯的足以能夠承擔(dān)整個(gè)世界,但是, 卻讓她的雙臂溫柔的足夠去安慰他人...i gave her the inner strength to endure childbirth and the rejection even from her own children.我給她內(nèi)在的力量去忍受生產(chǎn)的劇痛, 也讓她有勇氣承受無(wú)數(shù)的傷害, 甚至這些傷害有時(shí)會(huì)來(lái)自于自己的孩子...i gave her a hardness that allows her to keep going and take care of her family and friends, even when everyone else gives up, through sickness and fatigue without 我給她頑強(qiáng),讓她能夠不斷地前進(jìn), 并且照顧自己的家人和朋友, 甚至當(dāng)每個(gè)人都放棄的時(shí)候, 她卻能夠堅(jiān)強(qiáng)地在疾病和勞累之時(shí)毫無(wú)怨言...i gave her the sensitivity to love her children under any and all circumstances.even when her child has hurt her badly....she has the very special power to make a childs boo-boo feel better and to quell a teenagers anxieties and fears....我給她內(nèi)心的敏感,讓她在任何環(huán)境下都深愛(ài)著自己的孩子.甚至在他們深深傷害她的時(shí)候．．．

她用那特別的力量，讓年幼孩子的在受傷的時(shí)候感到安慰，也能夠讓年輕的子女消除緊張與恐懼．．．

i gave her strength to care for her husband, despite faults and i fashioned her from his rib to protect his heart....我給她力量關(guān)心她的丈夫，盡管他會(huì)犯錯(cuò)．我用男人的肋骨創(chuàng)造了女人，使女人可以保護(hù)男人的心臟．．． i gave her wisdom to know that a good husband never hurts his wife, but sometimes tests her strengths and her resolve to stand beside him unfalteringly....我給她智慧，讓她知道一個(gè)好丈夫永遠(yuǎn)不會(huì)傷害他的妻子，但有時(shí)候會(huì)試煉她堅(jiān)定的永遠(yuǎn)跟隨自己丈夫的能力與決心． for all of this hard work, i also gave her a tear to shed.it is hers to use whenever needed and it is her only weakness....when you see her cry, tell her how much you love her, and all she does for everyone, and even though she may still cry, you will have made her heart feel good.因?yàn)檫@些種種的困難，我也同樣賜她流下眼淚，這是當(dāng)她在需要時(shí)可以使用的，這是她唯一的軟弱之處．．．

當(dāng)你看到她哭泣的時(shí)候，告訴她你有多么地愛(ài)她，告訴她她為所有人所做的一切，即使這樣她可能還是會(huì)哭泣，但你會(huì)使她的心里得到安慰． she is special!please send this to women you know, and those with mothers, sisters, and special women in their lives.她是獨(dú)特的！

請(qǐng)把這個(gè)信息傳遞給你認(rèn)識(shí)的女人，有母親，姐妹和特別的女性在他們生命里的人． but, also send this to men so they will understand about what a wonderful thing a woman is.篇三：中英文幽默演講

幽默演講——調(diào)侃自己（中英對(duì)照）

演講者如何調(diào)侃自己

創(chuàng)新句子：你們或者睡覺(jué)，或者不睡，只要不打呼嚕，我就接著講。

幽默注釋：演講者講得太糟糕了，組織者哭得很傷心。

演講結(jié)束時(shí)，宴會(huì)主人感謝你從繁忙的日程中抽出時(shí)間來(lái)——你泰然自若，優(yōu)雅地點(diǎn)頭微笑著，心里非常清楚你日歷上唯一的事情就是就早餐后喝點(diǎn)咖啡。poise is when you finish your speech and the toastmaster thanks you for taking time out of your busy schedule to be a part of their program---and you nod and smile graciously knowing full well that the only thing on your calendar is a little coffee from breakfast.幽默注釋：一些老干部退休后沒(méi)什么事干，有人請(qǐng)他參加一些活動(dòng)，他還假裝很忙，好象推開(kāi)了很多事才趕去似的。

過(guò)去我演講時(shí)常常會(huì)比較緊張，但那時(shí)我看到一條信息說(shuō)如果你想象所有的觀眾都是裸體會(huì)有所幫助。此時(shí)此刻，我站在這里想象著觀眾都是裸體，真的起作用，我不再緊張了，但眼睛有些疲勞。i used to get nervous when giving a speech but then i read that it helps to think of the entire audience as being naked.and so, at this very moment, i’m standing up here imagining every one in this audience as being naked.and it really works.i no suffer from nervousness.eyestrain.yes.幽默注釋：把觀眾想象成裸體，意思是我不怕你們，就不緊張了。

創(chuàng)新句子：大部分人站在講臺(tái)上都會(huì)有點(diǎn)兒緊張，我屬于少部分人，我非常緊張。

我本人不自負(fù)——我簡(jiǎn)直不能告訴你們我是多么欽佩我這一點(diǎn)。personally, i have never been conceited---and i can’t tell you how much i admire myself for that.幽默句子：他因?yàn)樽约翰蛔载?fù)，所以變得非常驕傲。

創(chuàng)新句子：我一點(diǎn)兒都不自負(fù)，我希望別人也這么看我。

我先用簡(jiǎn)單明了的英語(yǔ)演講，以后我再翻譯給律師聽(tīng)。let me put this into plain english.i’ll translate it for the lawyers later.幽默注釋：律師總喜歡用復(fù)雜的語(yǔ)言，簡(jiǎn)單的話都聽(tīng)不懂了。

創(chuàng)新句子：我的講話有三個(gè)版本，小學(xué)生版本，中學(xué)生版本，大學(xué)生版本，你是聽(tīng)小學(xué)一年紀(jì)版的，還是小學(xué)二年紀(jì)版的？

如果你聽(tīng)過(guò)這個(gè)故事，請(qǐng)不要打斷我，我就知道這一個(gè)故事。if you’ve already heard this story, please don’t stop me because it’s the only one i know.幽默注釋：就是你知道兩個(gè)故事，講故事前也可以這么說(shuō)。

創(chuàng)新句子：我講個(gè)笑話，如果你們聽(tīng)過(guò)，也希望裝做沒(méi)聽(tīng)過(guò)，我也這樣照顧你們。

演講就象給草坪澆水，如果有四分之一的水滲下去你就滿意了。making a speech is like watering a lawn.you’re satisfied if just a quarter of it sinks in.幽默注釋：有人打呼嚕，有人說(shuō)話，都是正常的，有四分之一觀眾聽(tīng)就不錯(cuò)了。

幽默句子：即興演講的開(kāi)場(chǎng)白。

創(chuàng)新句子：我不知道你們會(huì)不會(huì)喜歡我的演講，我不知道我要講點(diǎn)兒什么。

開(kāi)始前我想告訴你們下面的演講已經(jīng)編輯成了電視節(jié)目，我現(xiàn)在少講20分鐘，我們能夠及時(shí)趕回家看2臺(tái)的節(jié)目。before i begin, i want you to know that the following speech has been edited for television.i cut 20 minutes out of it so we could all get home in time for the game on channel 2.幽默注釋：放著現(xiàn)場(chǎng)不看，偏要回家在電視上看。

可能你們有些人知道我今晚出現(xiàn)在這里有兩個(gè)原因：第一個(gè)原因是你們的計(jì)劃委員會(huì)一直在設(shè)法尋找一個(gè)聰明、有趣、老練的演講者，——他們找到了。第二個(gè)原因是那個(gè)人病了，所以就打電話把我找來(lái)了。

幽默注釋：一開(kāi)始好象在說(shuō)自己很牛，其實(shí)就是個(gè)臨時(shí)替場(chǎng)。

創(chuàng)新句子：我認(rèn)為我演講很風(fēng)趣，可為什么沒(méi)人笑呢？

有人有舞臺(tái)恐懼癥，我沒(méi)有；舞臺(tái)不會(huì)怎么樣我，是觀眾快把我嚇?biāo)懒?！some people suffer from stage fright.i don’t.the stage doesn’t bother me at all.it’s the audience that scares the hell out of me!幽默注釋：stage fright舞臺(tái)恐懼癥，而不是舞臺(tái)嚇唬我。

我們每個(gè)人都希望能在某一時(shí)刻把時(shí)鐘撥回去。如果我能夠把時(shí)鐘撥回去 at one time or another, i think each of us has wished we could turn back the clock.i know if i could turn back the clock just 45 minutes, i’d be the happiest person in this room.because that’s when i left my speech on the kitchen table.幽默注釋：自己上臺(tái)前還在刻苦練習(xí)，演講稿落家里了，講錯(cuò)了希望觀眾包涵。

我不想吹牛，但上次我演講時(shí)所有的觀眾都站了起來(lái)，他們?cè)僖矝](méi)有坐下，直到走到他們的汽車那兒。i don’t want to brag, but the last time i did this it brought the audience to its feet.and they never sat down again until they reached their cars.幽默注釋：觀眾聽(tīng)他演講，都站起來(lái)走了，他還在吹牛呢。

創(chuàng)新句子：我演講時(shí)用一種平緩的語(yǔ)速娓娓道來(lái)，觀眾睡得很香甜。

如果我有點(diǎn)兒猶豫，你們一定要原諒我，這是我第一次飯后演講——在賣當(dāng)勞里沖我的小孩兒喊叫除外。if i’m a little hesitant, you’ll have to excuse me.this is the first after-dinner speech i’ve ever made---except for yelling at my kids in mcdonald’s.幽默注釋：自嘲自己演講沒(méi)什么經(jīng)驗(yàn)。

創(chuàng)新句子：你可能知道我已經(jīng)養(yǎng)成了飯后演講的習(xí)慣。

我不習(xí)慣面對(duì)這么多觀眾演講，讓我鼓起勇氣的一件事情就是我在談?wù)撐易钕矚g的題目——我。i’m not used to speaking to such a large audience.the one thing that gives me courage is that i’m speaking on my favorite subject---me.幽默注釋：電視上老是邀請(qǐng)一些名人在那兒大談自己，這些人開(kāi)場(chǎng)可以這么說(shuō)。人們總問(wèn)我為什么我戴頂10加侖的紅色帽子（或者一些其它非常顯眼的衣服飾品），我告訴他們那是我采取的積極現(xiàn)實(shí)的生活態(tài)度。我知道不管發(fā)生什么事情，善良的上帝總在注視著我們?，F(xiàn)在地球上有60億人，我希望上帝能從蕓蕓眾生中一眼就挑出我來(lái)。

第二篇：大學(xué)英語(yǔ)演講稿幽默

新初中幽默英語(yǔ)演講稿 love your mother 愛(ài)你的母親

why are you crying, a young boy asked his mom? 你為什么哭?一個(gè)小男孩問(wèn)他的媽媽.because im a woman, she told him.因?yàn)槲沂桥?她告訴他.i dont understand, he said.我不明白.他回答

his mom just hugged him and said, and you never will, but thats o.k........媽媽擁抱了他說(shuō),你永遠(yuǎn)也不會(huì)明白,但沒(méi)關(guān)系...later the little boy asked his father, why does mom seem to cry for no reason?.后來(lái)小男孩問(wèn)他的父親媽媽為什么似乎在無(wú)緣無(wú)故的哭泣? all women cry for no reason, was all his dad could say......所有的女人都會(huì)常常沒(méi)有原因地哭泣,這是他的父親唯一可以解釋的...the little boy grew up and became a man, still wondering why women cry.等到小男孩長(zhǎng)大,成了男人的時(shí)候, 他仍然奇怪媽媽為什么哭.finally he put in a call to god and when god got back to him, he asked god, why do women cry so easily? 最后他把這件事禱告給上帝,他問(wèn)上帝,為什么女人容易哭泣? god answered......上帝回答: when i made woman, i decided she had to be special.i made her shoulders strong enough to carry the weight of the world, yet, 當(dāng)我創(chuàng)造女人的時(shí)候, 我決定把她造的很特別,篇二：大學(xué)英語(yǔ)演講稿范文

《大學(xué)英語(yǔ)演講稿例文》 lucky for me, life in university is rich and colorful.with more free time,we can do many more things besides study, such as joining societies clubs, and taking part-time jobs.such drinkin coke is wonderful, despite the undesirble consequent hiccups.its bitter, sour and peppery, but also sweet.and youll even feel excited after gulping down a glass.a college experience university life is like drinking coke.im experiencing it.and i know, i enjoy it!我一直在大學(xué)呆了一年多。我兒時(shí),我才意識(shí)到大學(xué)生活就像喝可樂(lè)。的生活經(jīng)歷口味、酸、甜、苦、辣。我從省,離這兒很遠(yuǎn)。我常常想念媽媽的親戚、朋友,在我的家鄉(xiāng)。然而,我經(jīng)常見(jiàn)到。那么孤獨(dú)總是會(huì)陪伴我。我很難過(guò),我無(wú)法和在一起。幸運(yùn)的是,我在大學(xué)生活是多彩的。有更多的閑暇,可以做更多的事情除了學(xué)習(xí),如加入社團(tuán)俱樂(lè)部,打工。的活動(dòng),使的生活多彩,而且還能幫助改進(jìn)各樣的技能。大學(xué)是社會(huì),里學(xué)到的微縮有利于今后的生活。的人生之路不會(huì)一帆風(fēng)順。挫折是無(wú)法的。失敗的的考試,跟男孩女孩的朋友,或者拒絕由有前途的公司,會(huì)讓的挫折。有時(shí)候,覺(jué)得很沮喪,甚至大哭起來(lái)。喝可樂(lè)是美妙的,undesirble隨之打嗝。這是苦的,酸和暴躁,而且甜。你甚至可以感覺(jué)到激動(dòng)下一杯。全身后,大學(xué)的經(jīng)驗(yàn)是成長(zhǎng)的一?？奁?微笑著,墜入愛(ài)河,受傷,離開(kāi),學(xué)習(xí),然后做的人。

大學(xué)生活就像喝可樂(lè)。我的感受。我知道,我喜歡它!篇三：中英文幽默演講 幽默演講——調(diào)侃自己（中英對(duì)照）

演講者如何調(diào)侃自己

創(chuàng)新句子：你們或者睡覺(jué)，或者不睡，只要不打呼嚕，我就接著講。

幽默注釋：演講者講得太糟糕了，組織者哭得很傷心。

演講結(jié)束時(shí)，宴會(huì)主人感謝你從繁忙的日程中抽出時(shí)間來(lái)——你泰然自若，優(yōu)雅地點(diǎn)頭微笑著，心里非常清楚你日歷上唯一的事情就是就早餐后喝點(diǎn)咖啡。poise is when you finish your speech and the toastmaster thanks you for taking time out of your busy schedule to be a part of their program---and you nod and smile graciously knowing full well that the only thing on your calendar is a little coffee from breakfast.幽默注釋：一些老干部退休后沒(méi)什么事干，有人請(qǐng)他參加一些活動(dòng)，他還假裝很忙，好象推開(kāi)了很多事才趕去似的。

過(guò)去我演講時(shí)常常會(huì)比較緊張，但那時(shí)我看到一條信息說(shuō)如果你想象所有的觀眾都是裸體會(huì)有所幫助。此時(shí)此刻，我站在這里想象著觀眾都是裸體，真的起作用，我不再緊張了，但眼睛有些疲勞。i used to get nervous when giving a speech but then i read that it helps to think of the entire audience as being naked.and so, at this very moment, i’m standing up here imagining every one in this audience as being naked.and it really works.i no suffer from nervousness.eyestrain.yes.幽默注釋：把觀眾想象成裸體，意思是我不怕你們，就不緊張了。創(chuàng)新句子：大部分人站在講臺(tái)上都會(huì)有點(diǎn)兒緊張，我屬于少部分人，我非常緊張。

我本人不自負(fù)——我簡(jiǎn)直不能告訴你們我是多么欽佩我這一點(diǎn)。personally, i have never been conceited---and i can’t tell you how much i admire myself for that.幽默句子：他因?yàn)樽约翰蛔载?fù)，所以變得非常驕傲。

創(chuàng)新句子：我一點(diǎn)兒都不自負(fù)，我希望別人也這么看我。

我先用簡(jiǎn)單明了的英語(yǔ)演講，以后我再翻譯給律師聽(tīng)。let me put this into plain english.i’ll translate it for the lawyers later.幽默注釋：律師總喜歡用復(fù)雜的語(yǔ)言，簡(jiǎn)單的話都聽(tīng)不懂了。

創(chuàng)新句子：我的講話有三個(gè)版本，小學(xué)生版本，中學(xué)生版本，大學(xué)生版本，你是聽(tīng)小學(xué)一年紀(jì)版的，還是小學(xué)二年紀(jì)版的？

如果你聽(tīng)過(guò)這個(gè)故事，請(qǐng)不要打斷我，我就知道這一個(gè)故事。if you’ve already heard this story, please don’t stop me because it’s the only one i know.幽默注釋：就是你知道兩個(gè)故事，講故事前也可以這么說(shuō)。創(chuàng)新句子：我講個(gè)笑話，如果你們聽(tīng)過(guò)，也希望裝做沒(méi)聽(tīng)過(guò)，我也這樣照顧你們。

演講就象給草坪澆水，如果有四分之一的水滲下去你就滿意了。making a speech is like watering a lawn.you’re satisfied if just a quarter of it sinks in.幽默注釋：有人打呼嚕，有人說(shuō)話，都是正常的，有四分之一觀眾聽(tīng)就不錯(cuò)了。

幽默句子：即興演講的開(kāi)場(chǎng)白。

創(chuàng)新句子：我不知道你們會(huì)不會(huì)喜歡我的演講，我不知道我要講點(diǎn)兒什么。

開(kāi)始前我想告訴你們下面的演講已經(jīng)編輯成了電視節(jié)目，我現(xiàn)在少講20分鐘，我們能夠及時(shí)趕回家看2臺(tái)的節(jié)目。before i begin, i want you to know that the following speech has been edited for television.i cut 20 minutes out of it so we could all get home in time for the game on channel 2.幽默注釋：放著現(xiàn)場(chǎng)不看，偏要回家在電視上看。

可能你們有些人知道我今晚出現(xiàn)在這里有兩個(gè)原因：第一個(gè)原因是你們的計(jì)劃委員會(huì)一直在設(shè)法尋找一個(gè)聰明、有趣、老練的演講者，——他們找到了。第二個(gè)原因是那個(gè)人病了，所以就打電話把我找來(lái)了。

幽默注釋：一開(kāi)始好象在說(shuō)自己很牛，其實(shí)就是個(gè)臨時(shí)替場(chǎng)。

創(chuàng)新句子：我認(rèn)為我演講很風(fēng)趣，可為什么沒(méi)人笑呢？

有人有舞臺(tái)恐懼癥，我沒(méi)有；舞臺(tái)不會(huì)怎么樣我，是觀眾快把我嚇?biāo)懒?！some people suffer from stage fright.i don’t.the stage doesn’t bother me at all.it’s the audience that scares the hell out of me!幽默注釋：stage fright舞臺(tái)恐懼癥，而不是舞臺(tái)嚇唬我。

我們每個(gè)人都希望能在某一時(shí)刻把時(shí)鐘撥回去。如果我能夠把時(shí)鐘撥回去 at one time or another, i think each of us has wished we could turn back the clock.i know if i could turn back the clock just 45 minutes, i’d be the happiest person in this room.because that’s when i left my speech on the kitchen table.幽默注釋：自己上臺(tái)前還在刻苦練習(xí)，演講稿落家里了，講錯(cuò)了希望觀眾包涵。

我不想吹牛，但上次我演講時(shí)所有的觀眾都站了起來(lái)，他們?cè)僖矝](méi)有坐下，直到走到他們的汽車那兒。i don’t want to brag, but the last time i did this it brought the audience to its feet.and they never sat down again until they reached their cars.幽默注釋：觀眾聽(tīng)他演講，都站起來(lái)走了，他還在吹牛呢。

創(chuàng)新句子：我演講時(shí)用一種平緩的語(yǔ)速娓娓道來(lái)，觀眾睡得很香甜。如果我有點(diǎn)兒猶豫，你們一定要原諒我，這是我第一次飯后演講——在賣當(dāng)勞里沖我的小孩兒喊叫除外。if i’m a little hesitant, you’ll have to excuse me.this is the first after-dinner speech i’ve ever made---except for yelling at my kids in mcdonald’s.幽默注釋：自嘲自己演講沒(méi)什么經(jīng)驗(yàn)。

創(chuàng)新句子：你可能知道我已經(jīng)養(yǎng)成了飯后演講的習(xí)慣。

我不習(xí)慣面對(duì)這么多觀眾演講，讓我鼓起勇氣的一件事情就是我在談?wù)撐易钕矚g的題目——我。

i’m not used to speaking to such a large audience.the one thing that gives me courage is that i’m speaking on my favorite subject---me.幽默注釋：電視上老是邀請(qǐng)一些名人在那兒大談自己，這些人開(kāi)場(chǎng)可以這么說(shuō)。人們總問(wèn)我為什么我戴頂10加侖的紅色帽子（或者一些其它非常顯眼的衣服飾品），我告訴他們那是我采取的積極現(xiàn)實(shí)的生活態(tài)度。我知道不管發(fā)生什么事情，善良的上帝總在注視著我們?，F(xiàn)在地球上有60億人，我希望上帝能從蕓蕓眾生中一眼就挑出我來(lái)。people always ask me why i wear a big red ten gallon hat(or some other very noticeable article of clothing)and i tell them.it has to do with taking a positive but practical view of life.for instance, i know that no matter what happens, the good lord is watching over us.then again, there are now six billion of us, so i want to make darn sure he can pick me out of the crowd.篇四：大學(xué)英語(yǔ)演講稿 大學(xué)英語(yǔ)演講稿:面對(duì)壓力 good morning , boys and girls.i am pu lijuan and glad to give you a speech about stress.psychologist tell us that stress is a state of worry caused by the problem of living , such as too much work or study , heavy responsibilities.the chief problem we should face to is our attitude towards stress.people usually say they can not live in the sun except they escape from stress.it’s stress , they may feel very satisfied with the current life but lack of power to discover new things.too much satisfaction result in nothing except a countermarch of the society.no stress , no development.so a certain amount of stress is good.it can stimulate us and increase our level of alertness.and our answer to stress is another vital problem.how to do with ourselves when stress suddenly break into our life ? to wave the white flag and admit our unability , to give up to our ideality , or worsely , just to suicide as to put an end to everything … of cause not.the principle is to tackle with stress gently and harmoniously.we should try our best to release ourselves.such as to do some exercise , to listen to t music to ease our minds and to learn to view these changes of life as challenges.it’s no use crying over spilt milk.only to accept what has happened can solve the problem.ok , i think i was under large stress ５ minutes before , that is all.thank you very much!《大學(xué)英語(yǔ)演講稿范文》 i have been in university for about one year.during my stay here, i came to realize that university life is like drinking coke.we experience all tastes of life here, sour, sweet, bitter and hot.lucky for me, life in university is rich and colorful.with more free time,we can do many more things besides study, such as joining societies clubs, and taking part-time jobs.such activities not only make our life more colorful, but also help us improve all kinds of skills.the university is a society miniature, what we learn here will benefit our future life.university life is like drinking coke.im experiencing it.and i know, i enjoy it!我一直在大學(xué)呆了一年多。我兒時(shí),我才意識(shí)到大學(xué)生活就像喝可樂(lè)。的生活經(jīng)歷口味、酸、甜、苦、辣。

我從省,離這兒很遠(yuǎn)。我常常想念媽媽的親戚、朋友,在我的家鄉(xiāng)。然而,我經(jīng)常見(jiàn)到。那么孤獨(dú)總是會(huì)陪伴我。我很難過(guò),我無(wú)法和在一起。幸運(yùn)的是,我在大學(xué)生活是多彩的。有更多的閑暇,可以做更多的事情除了學(xué)習(xí),如加入社團(tuán)俱樂(lè)部,打工。的活動(dòng),使的生活多彩,而且還能幫助改進(jìn)各樣的技能。大學(xué)是社會(huì),里學(xué)到的微縮有利于今后的生活。的人生之路不會(huì)一帆風(fēng)順。挫折是無(wú)法的。失敗的的考試,跟男孩女孩的朋友,或者拒絕由有前途的公司,會(huì)讓的挫折。有時(shí)候,覺(jué)得很沮喪,甚至大哭起來(lái)。喝可樂(lè)是美妙的,undesirble隨之打嗝。這是苦的,酸和暴躁,而且甜。你甚至可以感覺(jué)到激動(dòng)下一杯。全身后,大學(xué)的經(jīng)驗(yàn)是成長(zhǎng)的一。哭泣,微笑著,墜入愛(ài)河,受傷,離開(kāi),學(xué)習(xí),然后做的人。

大學(xué)生活就像喝可樂(lè)。我的感受。

第三篇：三分鐘英語(yǔ)演講稿幽默

幽默英語(yǔ)演講稿

love your mother 愛(ài)你的母親

why are you crying, a young boy asked his mom? 你為什么哭?一個(gè)小男孩問(wèn)他的媽媽.because im a woman, she told him.因?yàn)槲沂桥?她告訴他.i dont understand, he said.我不明白.他回答

his mom just hugged him and said, and you never will, but thats o.k........媽媽擁抱了他說(shuō),你永遠(yuǎn)也不會(huì)明白,但沒(méi)關(guān)系...later the little boy asked his father, why does mom seem to cry for no reason?.后來(lái)小男孩問(wèn)他的父親媽媽為什么似乎在無(wú)緣無(wú)故的哭泣? all women cry for no reason, was all his dad could say......所有的女人都會(huì)常常沒(méi)有原因地哭泣,這是他的父親唯一可以解釋的...the little boy grew up and became a man, still wondering why women cry.等到小男孩長(zhǎng)大,成了男人的時(shí)候, 他仍然奇怪媽媽為什么哭.finally he put in a call to god and when god got back to him, he asked god, why do women cry so easily? 最后他把這件事禱告給上帝,他問(wèn)上帝,為什么女人容易哭泣? god answered......上帝回答: when i made woman, i decided she had to be special.i made her shoulders strong enough to carry the weight of the world, yet, 當(dāng)我創(chuàng)造女人的時(shí)候, 我決定把她造的很特別, 我讓她的雙肩強(qiáng)壯的足以能夠承擔(dān)整個(gè)世界,但是, 卻讓她的雙臂溫柔的足夠去安慰他人...i gave her the inner strength to endure childbirth and the rejection even from her own children.我給她內(nèi)在的力量去忍受生產(chǎn)的劇痛, 也讓她有勇氣承受無(wú)數(shù)的傷害, 甚至這些傷害有時(shí)會(huì)來(lái)自于自己的孩子...i gave her a hardness that allows her to keep going and take care of her family and friends, even when everyone else gives up, through sickness and fatigue without 我給她頑強(qiáng),讓她能夠不斷地前進(jìn), 并且照顧自己的家人和朋友, 甚至當(dāng)每個(gè)人都放棄的時(shí)候, 她卻能夠堅(jiān)強(qiáng)地在疾病和勞累之時(shí)毫無(wú)怨言...i gave her the sensitivity to love her children under any and all circumstances.even when her child has hurt her badly....she has the very special power to make a childs boo-boo feel better and to quell a teenagers anxieties and fears....我給她內(nèi)心的敏感,讓她在任何環(huán)境下都深愛(ài)著自己的孩子.甚至在他們深深傷害她的時(shí)候．．．

她用那特別的力量，讓年幼孩子的在受傷的時(shí)候感到安慰，也能夠讓年輕的子女消除緊張與恐懼．．．

i gave her strength to care for her husband, despite faults and i fashioned her from his rib to protect his heart....我給她力量關(guān)心她的丈夫，盡管他會(huì)犯錯(cuò)．我用男人的肋骨創(chuàng)造了女人，使女人可以保護(hù)男人的心臟．．． i gave her wisdom to know that a good husband never hurts his wife, but sometimes tests her strengths and her resolve to stand beside him unfalteringly....我給她智慧，讓她知道一個(gè)好丈夫永遠(yuǎn)不會(huì)傷害他的妻子，但有時(shí)候會(huì)試煉她堅(jiān)定的永遠(yuǎn)跟隨自己丈夫的能力與決心． for all of this hard work, i also gave her a tear to shed.it is hers to use whenever needed and it is her only weakness....when you see her cry, tell her how much you love her, and all she does for everyone, and even though she may still cry, you will have made her heart feel good.因?yàn)檫@些種種的困難，我也同樣賜她流下眼淚，這是當(dāng)她在需要時(shí)可以使用的，這是她唯一的軟弱之處．．．

當(dāng)你看到她哭泣的時(shí)候，告訴她你有多么地愛(ài)她，告訴她她為所有人所做的一切，即使這樣她可能還是會(huì)哭泣，但你會(huì)使她的心里得到安慰． she is special!please send this to women you know, and those with mothers, sisters, and special women in their lives.她是獨(dú)特的！

請(qǐng)把這個(gè)信息傳遞給你認(rèn)識(shí)的女人，有母親，姐妹和特別的女性在他們生命里的人． but, also send this to men so they will understand about what a wonderful thing a woman is.篇二：3-5分鐘英語(yǔ)演講稿(30篇)最好英語(yǔ)演講稿匯總3——5分鐘英語(yǔ)演講稿匯總（30篇）

六、周怡雪，19歲，上海 i believe in our future honorable judges, fellow students: good afternoon!recently, ther is a heated debate in our society.the college students are the beneficiaries of a rare privilege, who receive exceptional education at extraordinary places.but will we be able to face the challenge and support ourselves against all odds? will we be able to better the lives of others? will we be able to accept the responsibility of building the future of our country? the cynics say we care for nothing other than grades;and we neglect the need for character cultivation.but again, the cynics are wrong.we care deeply for each other, we cherish freedom, we treasure justice, and we seek truth.last week, thousands of my fellow students had their blood type tested in order to make a contribution for the children who suffer from blood cancer.as college students, we are adolescents at the critical turning point in our lives.we all face a fundamental choice: cynicism or faith, each will profoundly impact our future, or even the future of our country.i believe in all my fellow classmates.though we are still inexperienced and even a little bit childish.i believe that we have the courage and faith to meet any challenge and take on our responsibilities.we are preparing to assume new responsibilities and tasks, and to use the education we have received to make our world a better place.i believe in our future.我對(duì)未來(lái)充滿信心

尊敬的評(píng)委，各位同學(xué)：

下午好！

最近，社會(huì)上有一場(chǎng)很激烈的爭(zhēng)論。大學(xué)生是一種稀有特權(quán)的享有者，在很棒的地方接受高等教育。但是，我們能面對(duì)挑戰(zhàn)而無(wú)所畏懼嗎？我們能夠改善他人的生活嗎？我們能夠承擔(dān)建設(shè)祖國(guó)未來(lái)的重任嗎？

懷疑論者說(shuō)大學(xué)生是被寵壞的一代，一丁點(diǎn)挫折都受不了。但是他們錯(cuò)了，我所看到的大學(xué)生正在努力的學(xué)習(xí)獨(dú)立生活。我們互相幫助打掃衛(wèi)生，一起上街砍價(jià)購(gòu)物，一起參加兼職工作來(lái)賺零花錢。

懷疑論者說(shuō)我們除了成績(jī)什么都不關(guān)心，從而忽略了性格的培養(yǎng)。但是，他們又錯(cuò)了。我們彼此關(guān)心，我們向往自由，我們珍惜公正，我們追求真理。上個(gè)星期，很多我的同學(xué)去驗(yàn)血，為了給患血癌的孩子貢獻(xiàn)自己的力量。

作為大學(xué)生，我們是處在人生分水嶺的青年。我們都面臨一個(gè)重要的選擇：懷疑人生還是相信自己，每一種都會(huì)給我們的人生帶來(lái)重大的影響，甚至影響我們祖國(guó)的未來(lái)。我相信我們的同學(xué)們，雖然我們依然缺乏經(jīng)驗(yàn)，甚至有些志氣，但是我相信我們有勇氣和自信來(lái)面對(duì)生活的挑戰(zhàn)并承擔(dān)我們的責(zé)任。我們正努力準(zhǔn)備接受新的任務(wù)，用我們所學(xué)習(xí)的知識(shí)將世界變得更美好。我對(duì)我們的未來(lái)充滿信心。

大學(xué)生英語(yǔ)演講稿17 change the ingredients of your life

十七、王晨，20歲，安徽 change the ingredients of your life if kindness is added to a strange you will have a friend;but if hostility is added, you will have an enemy.if love is added to a pile of red bricks you will have a home, but if hatred is add to those bricks , you will have an concentration camp.so my dear friend, if faith, hope, love, endurance are added to your life, you will find the confidence to conquer your limitation and embrace new challenges.and hopefully with my speech included, you will have a fantastic speech contest.改變生活的味道

這是一杯白開(kāi)水，平淡無(wú)味，對(duì)吧？可是加上點(diǎn)糖呢，他嘗起來(lái)會(huì)有甜味；如果加的是蘇打水，味道就會(huì)變苦。人生同樣如此——個(gè)中滋味在于我們的選擇。

善待他人，你會(huì)擁有朋友；但如果充滿惡意，則會(huì)多個(gè)敵人。將愛(ài)賦予一堆紅磚，你會(huì)擁有一個(gè)家；用仇恨來(lái)澆鑄這堆紅磚，就會(huì)鑄成一座集中營(yíng)。

因此親愛(ài)的朋友們，不要抱怨人生乏味，世間無(wú)望。不喜歡生活的味道，那就換一換生活的調(diào)料吧！

三年前，我重達(dá)100多公斤，這給我?guī)?lái)了很多尷尬和挫折：體育課老是不及格，總被女孩們嘲笑，更不敢當(dāng)眾發(fā)表意見(jiàn)。幸而由于祖母的鼓勵(lì)，我不在消極人生，而是充滿自信。她曾經(jīng)說(shuō)過(guò)：“孩子，如果體形無(wú)法改變，為什么不把它看做自己獨(dú)特的風(fēng)格呢？” 我開(kāi)始這樣來(lái)審視人生，通過(guò)改變生活的視角，我信心大增地去改變我的人生，很快就發(fā)現(xiàn)一個(gè)嶄新的世界。

朋友們，將信念，希望，愛(ài)意和忍性溶入生命，你就會(huì)找到自信，克服缺點(diǎn)，迎接人生新的挑戰(zhàn)。最后我的演講包括在內(nèi)，希望你會(huì)看到一場(chǎng)精彩的演講比賽。

大學(xué)生英語(yǔ)演講稿16

十六、楊穎，21歲，海南 when two cultures meet, there may be things in one culture, which do not fit into the tradition of the other.when this happens, we need to learn to understand and respect the customs of another culture.then there are certain things some people may not like.to this, i will say, if you do not like it, please try to tolerate it.to learn to tolerate what you personally don’t like is a great virtue at a time when different cultures mix and merge.before us, there are two rivers, eastern and western cultures.at present, they may run in different courses.but eventually, they will converge into the vast sea of human culture.right now, i can see peoples of eastern and western cultures, standing side by side, singing the olympic theme song: we are hand in hand, heart to heart, together we will shape a beautiful tomorrow!thank you!讓我們共同感受東西方的融合吉卜林說(shuō)過(guò):東方是東方，西方是西方，二者永不相聚。但是一個(gè)世紀(jì)后的今天，東西方相匯了!它們相聚在經(jīng)濟(jì)領(lǐng)域，它們相聚在教育領(lǐng)域，它們相聚在藝術(shù)的殿堂。有人爭(zhēng)論說(shuō):這種融合需要我們?cè)跂|方和西方之間做出選擇，但我卻堅(jiān)信最美好的未來(lái)在于東方和

西方創(chuàng)造性的融合。我們可以將西方的思想，觀念和技術(shù)變?yōu)槲覀冏约核玫臇|西。我喜愛(ài)京劇和河南豫劇，因?yàn)樗鼈兘?jīng)常使我想起自己是誰(shuí)。但我也熱衷于流行音樂(lè)，特別是英文歌曲。于是我將東方的旋律和西方的語(yǔ)言結(jié)合到了一起，它叫做西方版的河南豫劇。

當(dāng)兩種文化相結(jié)合的時(shí)候，也許一方的文化中的某些東西不適應(yīng)另一方的傳統(tǒng)文化。當(dāng)此種情況出現(xiàn)時(shí)，我們需要試著理解并接受另一種文化中的風(fēng)俗習(xí)慣。然而，也許有些東西你并不喜歡，對(duì)于此，我可以說(shuō)，如果你不喜歡它，請(qǐng)?jiān)囍ト萑趟．?dāng)兩種文化融合的時(shí)候，試著去容忍你個(gè)人不喜歡的東西是一種美德。

在我們面前有兩條河流，東方文化和西方文化?，F(xiàn)在，它們也許正朝著不同的方向流去。但是最終它們將匯合到人類文化的海洋里。

就在此時(shí)此刻，我看見(jiàn)東方和西方的人肩并肩的站在一起，高唱奧林匹克主題曲:我們手拉手，心靠著心，共同創(chuàng)造美好的明天!大學(xué)生英語(yǔ)演講稿英語(yǔ)風(fēng)采大賽半決賽選手自備演講賞析(大學(xué)成人組)

十五、黃揚(yáng)，21，福建 farewell, indifference who was the most well-known figure in china last month? it’s ma jiajue—the college student who murdered 4 of his roommates.many people attributed his crime to his poverty and deficient education.in my opinion, his crime also has much to do with his classmates’ indifference.indifference is a terrible disease in today’s colleges and the whole society.it’s not rare that two students who have studied together for 4 years have never spoken to each other.it’s not rare that a student who has been absent from class for several days is not noticed at all.it’s also not rare that a student who has severe psychological problems is not cared about at all.some people may say ‘what the students with psychological problems like ma jiajue need is not care but psychotherapy.” however, when people are ill, what they need most is not only medical treatment, but also care from people around them.every smile and every caring word will bring sunshine to their life.篇三：三分鐘英語(yǔ)演講稿 家推薦一篇優(yōu)秀的3分鐘英語(yǔ)演講稿的范文，供大家學(xué)習(xí)！good evening ,ladies and gentlemen: 晚上好，女士們，先生們：

非常感謝你傅聰來(lái)選擇在這樣一個(gè)寒冷夜晚.今天我的話題是關(guān)于選擇和process.a研究表明，一個(gè)人必須作出的選擇73一一天，如此眾多的選擇，有一天，人們?nèi)菀谆煜虼撕ε伦鞒鲥e(cuò)誤的選擇，他們毫不猶豫地并最終錯(cuò)過(guò)了真正的生活的一部分。在我看來(lái)，下面的部分是更重要的不是選擇。沒(méi)有絕對(duì)的對(duì)錯(cuò)選擇，但精彩或乏味的生活，這使得該進(jìn)程的差異。

生活是一盒巧克力，你永遠(yuǎn)不知道下一步你會(huì)得到。阿甘正傳作出任何決定，并為自己的成就，但他取得巨大成功與他堅(jiān)強(qiáng)的意志的進(jìn)程。這個(gè)過(guò)程是不是道路本身，而是態(tài)度和感情，謹(jǐn)慎，勇氣和毅力，我們作為我們遇到了新的經(jīng)驗(yàn)和意想不到的障礙。以自己作為一個(gè)例子，我改變了我的主要當(dāng)我成為一個(gè)研究生。經(jīng)過(guò)選擇，天已經(jīng)嚴(yán)厲的me.i無(wú)法理解新的經(jīng)驗(yàn)在所有。因?yàn)樗麄兪敲芮邢嚓P(guān)的數(shù)學(xué)，我的教訓(xùn)面前只字不提。然而密集的信念，這是很好的機(jī)會(huì)，我的經(jīng)驗(yàn)新思想和新的挑戰(zhàn)我自己，我依然存在。我要求幫助每一個(gè)通道和reorgonized我的生活。漸漸地，我能理解一些地方，甚至發(fā)現(xiàn)數(shù)學(xué) interesting.moreover，我學(xué)到采取行動(dòng)而不是抱怨?；叵肫饋?lái)，選擇沒(méi)有留下任何痕跡在我的腦海，但幸福和痛苦的過(guò)去4個(gè)月成為一個(gè)難忘的經(jīng)驗(yàn)，我的生活。

無(wú)論選擇是，享受這一過(guò)程。在這個(gè)過(guò)程中，您可能會(huì)得到啟發(fā)和新發(fā)現(xiàn)，改善和進(jìn)步將來(lái)找你。這些都是最美麗的風(fēng)景，只有道路上能看到it.these讓您的生活多姿多彩。

沒(méi)有必要，我donnot要判斷是否正確或錯(cuò)誤，我來(lái)這里，但我祝賀我自己，因?yàn)槲以鲆婧拖硎苓@美妙的經(jīng)驗(yàn)。因此，我親愛(ài)的朋友們，永遠(yuǎn)不會(huì)擔(dān)心您的選擇和享受的過(guò)程。我相信你會(huì)得到一些新的和有趣后，今晚你選擇到這里來(lái)。謝謝您!ideal society。good evening, ladies and gentlemen: i’d like to start with a group of pictures.modern and advanced? this society forgets, and ignores the other two thirds of human beings.its far from the ideal!we call ideal as a utopian, a place where reality does not exist.a few people still look forward to the ideals.we make fun of them, considering they are naive.will we still be content to live in such a society, if misfortune drops to us? no!of cause not!when we feel the warmth of the sun, these people, endure great sorrows and pains.can we imagine that? they are our brother and sisters!facing them, will we still have the mood shouting for our own freedom? facing them, will we still want to have more and more unnecessary stuff? they are unable to meet their needs, even the basic needs of survival!everyone, as a member of humanity, shouldnt feel ashamed? our luxury deprived their lives, our indifference violated our soul, and our barbarity destroyed human civilization!whats the ideal society? its a society no one worries about their living, a society no one is refused from education, a society everyone can pursue his/her own happiness!the ideal society is filled with love, joy and kindness.in that society, we can touch the others hearts, we can share our dreams and most important, we can just be the true men!lets break the ethnic divide, bridge the gap between rich and poor, hand in hand, to build a great wall, protecting us from evil;to construct a steady bridge, connecting reality to the ideal society!lets pursue for that, thats the only way to the bright future!they are watching us!thank you!smoking is a greater cause of death and disability than any single disease, says the world health organisation.according to their figures, it is responsible for approximately five million deaths worldwide every year.tobacco smoking is a known or probable cause of approximately 25 diseases, and even the who says that its impact on world health is not fully assessed.heart attack and stroke uk studies show that smokers in their 30s and 40s are five times more likely to have a heart attack than non-smokers.if you smoke for a lifetime, there is a 50% chance that your eventual death will be smoking-relatedlong term survival rates are poor.smoking also increases the risk of oral, uterine, liver, kidney, bladder, stomach, and cervical cancers, and leukaemia.the lung damage which causes emphysema is irreversible, and makes it extremely difficult to breathe.harm to children smoking in pregnancy greatly increases the risk of miscarriage, is associated with lower birthweight babies, and inhibited child development.smoking by parents following the birth is linked to sudden infant death syndrome, or cot death, and higher rates of infant respiratory illness, such as bronchitis, colds, and pneumonia.nicotine, an ingredient of tobacco, is listed as an addictive substance by the us authorities.although the health risks of smoking are culmulative, giving up can yield health benefits regardless of the age of the patient, or the length of time they have been smoking.future impact by 2020, the who expects the worldwide death toll to reach 10 million, causing 17.7% of all deaths in developed countries.there are believed to be 1.1 billion smokers in the world, 800 million of them in developing countries.篇四：三分鐘英語(yǔ)勵(lì)志演講稿

三分鐘英語(yǔ)勵(lì)志演講稿

演講稿一：三分鐘英語(yǔ)勵(lì)志演講稿 good afternoon，ladies and gentlemen！im very honored to stand here and give you a short speech!to begin with ,i want to ask a question.does everybody dream a good dream last night? actually ,today i want to talk about dream with you.of course, what i want to talk is not a dream you have last night,but a dream—— about life.everyone has dreams about life, different dreams at different life stage,and we need dreams to support us.dreams are like the stars we never reach in the sky,but like most mariners（水手）,we can chart our course by them.with the dream,we have a direction,with a direction, we were no longer confused.with the dream, there is hope,with hope, we have the strength to fight.my breath swallows the sky and make the yellow river overflow, my sword is famous in kyushu and it can collapse the five sacred mountains.at some time in the past i also had am bitious words and i had some achievements.each achievement results from my hard work.i always believe that if you want to have more achievements than others, you must work harder.hold fast to dreams, for if dreams die, life is a broken-winged bird that cannot fly.hold fast to dreams, for when dreams go, life is a barren field frozen with snow.so my dear friends, think of your old and maybe dead dreams.whatever it is, pick it up and make it alive from today.lets---move----out!thank you for your listening!演講稿二：三分鐘英語(yǔ)勵(lì)志演講稿——catch the star catch the star that holds your destiny, the one that forever twinkles w ithin your heart.accept the fact that not ev eryone is going to approve of the choices youve made.have faith in your judgment.catch the star that twinkles in your heart and it will lead you t o your destinys path.value your capabilities and talents for they are what make you truly unique.the greatest gifts in life are not purchased, but acquired through hard work and determination.演講稿三：三分鐘英語(yǔ)勵(lì)志演講稿——we are the world ,we are the future someone said we are reading the first verse of the first chapter of a book, whose pages are infinite.i dont know who wrote these words, but ive always liked them as a reminder that the future can be anything we want it to be.we are all in the position of the farmers.if we plant a good seed ,we reap a good harvest.if we plant nothing at all, we harvest nothing at all.we are young.how to spend the youth? it is a meaningful question.to answer it, first i have to ask what do you understand by the word youth? youth is not a time of life, its a state of mind.its not a matter of rosy cheeks, red lips or supple knees.its the matter of the will.its the freshness of the deep spring of life.a poet said to see a world in a grain of sand, and a heaven in a wild flower, hold infinity in the palm of your hand, and eternity in an hour.several days ago, i had a chance to listen to a lecture.i learnt a lot there.id like to share it with all of you.lets show our right palms.we can see three lines that show how our love.career and life is.i have a short line of life.what about yours? i wondered whether we could see our future in this way.well, lets make a fist.where is our future? where is our love, career, and life? tell me.yeah, it is in our hands.it is held in ourselves.we all want the future to be better than the past.but the future can go better itself.dont cry because it is over, smile because it happened.from the past, weve learnt that the life is tough, but we are tougher.weve learnt that we cant choose how we feel, but we can choose what about it.failure doesnt mean you dont have it, it does mean you should do it in a different way.failure doesnt mean you should give up, it does mean you must try harder.as what i said at the beginning, we are reading the first verse of the first chapter of a book, whose pages are infinite.the past has gone.nothing we do will change it.but the future is in front of us.believe that what we give to the world, the world will give to us.and from today on, lets be the owners of ourselves, and speak out we are the world, we are the future.篇五：英語(yǔ)演講稿 an ideal[a?di?l] friend help each other相互幫助；fight side [sa?d] by side并肩作戰(zhàn)；happiness and sorrow快樂(lè)與痛苦 friends can be classified[kl?s?fa?d] into two kinds, good friends and evil[ivl] friends.evil friends lead us astray[?stre] and may destroy[d?str??] our life, while good ones drive[dra?v] us towards[t?rdz] the right and make our life successful[s?ks?sfl].two of them exist[?ɡz?st] in our daily life.however, ideal friends exist in peoples mind.they should be diligent[d?l?d??nt], successful and loyal[l???l].when you need help, they will stand beside you and be delighted[d?la?t?d] to give you a hand.also you can share[?e?] your happiness[h?p?n?s] and sorrow[s?r??] together.理想的朋友 朋友可以分為兩種，益友和狐朋狗友。狐朋狗友會(huì)使我們誤入歧途，毀了我們的一生；而益友會(huì)使我們明辨是非，使我們成功。

日常生活中這兩種朋友都存在。然而，在人們心目中仍存在理想的朋友。這種朋友勤奮、成功并忠誠(chéng)。當(dāng)你需要幫助時(shí)，他們會(huì)與你并肩作戰(zhàn)，伸出援助之手。他們還可以與你分享快樂(lè)與痛苦。我認(rèn)為朋友要分享一些東西但也要保留自己的秘密，所以我希望我的朋友不會(huì)過(guò)多地介入我的私事。從另一方面來(lái)說(shuō)，我的朋友和我應(yīng)有共同之處，同時(shí)又有各自的特點(diǎn)。這樣我們才可以互相吸引，互相學(xué)習(xí)。

第四篇：幽默英語(yǔ)演講稿)

篇一：幽默英語(yǔ)演講稿 幽默英語(yǔ)演講稿

love your mother 愛(ài)你的母親

why are you crying, a young boy asked his mom? 你為什么哭?一個(gè)小男孩問(wèn)他的媽媽.because im a woman, she told him.因?yàn)槲沂桥?她告訴他.i dont understand, he said.我不明白.他回答

his mom just hugged him and said, and you never will, but thats o.k........媽媽擁抱了他說(shuō),你永遠(yuǎn)也不會(huì)明白,但沒(méi)關(guān)系...later the little boy asked his father, why does mom seem to cry for no reason?.后來(lái)小男孩問(wèn)他的父親媽媽為什么似乎在無(wú)緣無(wú)故的哭泣? all women cry for no reason, was all his dad could say......所有的女人都會(huì)常常沒(méi)有原因地哭泣,這是他的父親唯一可以解釋的...the little boy grew up and became a man, still wondering why women cry.等到小男孩長(zhǎng)大,成了男人的時(shí)候, 他仍然奇怪媽媽為什么哭.finally he put in a call to god and when god got back to him, he asked god, why do women cry so easily? 最后他把這件事禱告給上帝,他問(wèn)上帝,為什么女人容易哭泣? god answered......上帝回答: when i made woman, i decided she had to be special.i made her shoulders strong enough to carry the weight of the world, yet, 當(dāng)我創(chuàng)造女人的時(shí)候, 我決定把她造的很特別, 我讓她的雙肩強(qiáng)壯的足以能夠承擔(dān)整個(gè)世界,但是, 卻讓她的雙臂溫柔的足夠去安慰他人...i gave her the inner strength to endure childbirth and the rejection even from her own children.我給她內(nèi)在的力量去忍受生產(chǎn)的劇痛, 也讓她有勇氣承受無(wú)數(shù)的傷害, 甚至這些傷害有時(shí)會(huì)來(lái)自于自己的孩子...i gave her a hardness that allows her to keep going and take care of her family and friends, even when everyone else gives up, through sickness and fatigue without 我給她頑強(qiáng),讓她能夠不斷地前進(jìn), 并且照顧自己的家人和朋友, 甚至當(dāng)每個(gè)人都放棄的時(shí)候, 她卻能夠堅(jiān)強(qiáng)地在疾病和勞累之時(shí)毫無(wú)怨言...i gave her the sensitivity to love her children under any and all circumstances.even when her child has hurt her badly....she has the very special power to make a childs boo-boo feel better and to quell a teenagers anxieties and fears....我給她內(nèi)心的敏感,讓她在任何環(huán)境下都深愛(ài)著自己的孩子.甚至在他們深深傷 害她的時(shí)候．．．

她用那特別的力量，讓年幼孩子的在受傷的時(shí)候感到安慰，也能夠讓年輕的子女消除緊張與恐懼．．．

i gave her strength to care for her husband, despite faults and i fashioned her from his rib to protect his heart....我給她力量關(guān)心她的丈夫，盡管他會(huì)犯錯(cuò)．我用男人的肋骨創(chuàng)造了女人，使女人可以保護(hù)男人的心臟．．．

i gave her wisdom to know that a good husband never hurts his wife, but sometimes tests her strengths and her resolve to stand beside him unfalteringly....我給她智慧，讓她知道一個(gè)好丈夫永遠(yuǎn)不會(huì)傷害他的妻子，但有時(shí)候會(huì)試煉她堅(jiān)定的永遠(yuǎn)跟隨自己丈夫的能力與決心． for all of this hard work, i also gave her a tear to shed.it is hers to use whenever needed and it is her only weakness....when you see her cry, tell her how much you love her, and all she does for everyone, and even though she may still cry, you will have made her heart feel good.因?yàn)檫@些種種的困難，我也同樣賜她流下眼淚，這是當(dāng)她在需要時(shí)可以使用的，這是她唯一的軟弱之處．．．

當(dāng)你看到她哭泣的時(shí)候，告訴她你有多么地愛(ài)她，告訴她她為所有人所做的一切，即使這樣她可能還是會(huì)哭泣，但你會(huì)使她的心里得到安慰． she is special!please send this to women you know, and those with mothers, sisters, and special women in their lives.她是獨(dú)特的！

請(qǐng)把這個(gè)信息傳遞給你認(rèn)識(shí)的女人，有母親，姐妹和特別的女性在他們生命里的人． but, also send this to men so they will understand about what a wonderful thing a woman is.each day is a mountain that must be climbed;with courage each step gets easier.但是，也把這個(gè)信息傳遞給男人，因此他們會(huì)明白女人是多么奇妙的被造物． 每一天，生活中都會(huì)有必須爬的山，但是勇氣會(huì)使每一步都更輕松． love your mother always 永遠(yuǎn)愛(ài)你的母親，and keep her smiling 并且使她微笑常在篇二：幽默英語(yǔ)演講稿 幽默英語(yǔ)演講稿

love your mother 愛(ài)你的母親

why are you crying, a young boy asked his mom? 你為什么哭?一個(gè)小男孩問(wèn)他的媽媽.because im a woman, she told him.因?yàn)槲沂桥?她告訴他.i dont understand, he said.我不明白.他回答

his mom just hugged him and said, and you never will, but thats o.k........媽媽擁抱了他說(shuō),你永遠(yuǎn)也不會(huì)明白,但沒(méi)關(guān)系...later the little boy asked his father, why does mom seem to cry for no reason?.后來(lái)小男孩問(wèn)他的父親媽媽為什么似乎在無(wú)緣無(wú)故的哭泣? all women cry for no reason, was all his dad could say......所有的女人都會(huì)常常沒(méi)有原因地哭泣,這是他的父親唯一可以解釋的...the little boy grew up and became a man, still wondering why women cry.等到小男孩長(zhǎng)大,成了男人的時(shí)候, 他仍然奇怪媽媽為什么哭.finally he put in a call to god and when god got back to him, he asked god, why do women cry so easily? 最后他把這件事禱告給上帝,他問(wèn)上帝,為什么女人容易哭泣? god answered......上帝回答: when i made woman, i decided she had to be special.i made her shoulders strong enough to carry the weight of the world, yet, 當(dāng)我創(chuàng)造女人的時(shí)候, 我決定把她造的很特別, 我讓她的雙肩強(qiáng)壯的足以能夠承擔(dān)整個(gè)世界,但是, 卻讓她的雙臂溫柔的足夠去安慰他人...i gave her the inner strength to endure childbirth and the rejection even from her own children.我給她內(nèi)在的力量去忍受生產(chǎn)的劇痛, 也讓她有勇氣承受無(wú)數(shù)的傷害, 甚至這些傷害有時(shí)會(huì)來(lái)自于自己的孩子...i gave her a hardness that allows her to keep going and take care of her family and friends, even when everyone else gives up, through sickness and fatigue without 我給她頑強(qiáng),讓她能夠不斷地前進(jìn), 并且照顧自己的家人和朋友, 甚至當(dāng)每個(gè)人都放棄的時(shí)候, 她卻能夠堅(jiān)強(qiáng)地在疾病和勞累之時(shí)毫無(wú)怨言...i gave her the sensitivity to love her children under any and all circumstances.even when her child has hurt her badly....she has the very special power to make a childs boo-boo feel better and to quell a teenagers anxieties and fears....我給她內(nèi)心的敏感,讓她在任何環(huán)境下都深愛(ài)著自己的孩子.甚至在他們深深傷害她的時(shí)候．．．

她用那特別的力量，讓年幼孩子的在受傷的時(shí)候感到安慰，也能夠讓年輕的子女消除緊張與恐懼．．．

i gave her strength to care for her husband, despite faults and i fashioned her from his rib to protect his heart....我給她力量關(guān)心她的丈夫，盡管他會(huì)犯錯(cuò)．我用男人的肋骨創(chuàng)造了女人，使女人可以保護(hù)男人的心臟．．．

i gave her wisdom to know that a good husband never hurts his wife, but sometimes tests her strengths and her resolve to stand beside him unfalteringly....我給她智慧，讓她知道一個(gè)好丈夫永遠(yuǎn)不會(huì)傷害他的妻子，但有時(shí)候會(huì)試煉她堅(jiān)定的永遠(yuǎn)跟隨自己丈夫的能力與決心． for all of this hard work, i also gave her a tear to shed.it is hers to use whenever needed and it is her only weakness....when you see her cry, tell her how much you love her, and all she does for everyone, and even though she may still cry, you will have made her heart feel good.因?yàn)檫@些種種的困難，我也同樣賜她流下眼淚，這是當(dāng)她在需要時(shí)可以使用的，這是她唯一的軟弱之處．．．

當(dāng)你看到她哭泣的時(shí)候，告訴她你有多么地愛(ài)她，告訴她她為所有人所做的一切，即使這樣她可能還是會(huì)哭泣，但你會(huì)使她的心里得到安慰． she is special!please send this to women you know, and those with mothers, sisters, and special women in their lives.她是獨(dú)特的！

請(qǐng)把這個(gè)信息傳遞給你認(rèn)識(shí)的女人，有母親，姐妹和特別的女性在他們生命里的人． but, also send this to men so they will understand about what a wonderful thing a woman is.each day is a mountain that must be climbed;with courage each step gets easier.但是，也把這個(gè)信息傳遞給男人，因此他們會(huì)明白女人是多么奇妙的被造物．

每一天，生活中都會(huì)有必須爬的山，但是勇氣會(huì)使每一步都更輕松． love your mother always 永遠(yuǎn)愛(ài)你的母親，and keep her smiling 并且使她微笑常在

篇三：新初中幽默英語(yǔ)演講稿 新初中幽默英語(yǔ)演講稿 love your mother 愛(ài)你的母親

why are you crying, a young boy asked his mom? 你為什么哭?一個(gè)小男孩問(wèn)他的媽媽.because im a woman, she told him.因?yàn)槲沂桥?她告訴他.i dont understand, he said.我不明白.他回答

his mom just hugged him and said, and you never will, but thats o.k........媽媽擁抱了他說(shuō),你永遠(yuǎn)也不會(huì)明白,但沒(méi)關(guān)系...later the little boy asked his father, why does mom seem to cry for no reason?.后來(lái)小男孩問(wèn)他的父親媽媽為什么似乎在無(wú)緣無(wú)故的哭泣? all women cry for no reason, was all his dad could say......所有的女人都會(huì)常常沒(méi)有原因地哭泣,這是他的父親唯一可以解釋的...the little boy grew up and became a man, still wondering why women cry.等到小男孩長(zhǎng)大,成了男人的時(shí)候, 他仍然奇怪媽媽為什么哭.finally he put in a call to god and when god got back to him, he asked god, why do women cry so easily? 最后他把這件事禱告給上帝,他問(wèn)上帝,為什么女人容易哭泣? god answered......上帝回答: when i made woman, i decided she had to be special.i made her shoulders strong enough to carry the weight of the world, yet, 當(dāng)我創(chuàng)造女人的時(shí)候, 我決定把她造的很特別, 篇四：英語(yǔ)演講幽默開(kāi)場(chǎng)白 英語(yǔ)演講幽默開(kāi)場(chǎng)白

作為一個(gè)演講者，我從觀眾那只得到過(guò)兩種抱怨：一種是我講話聲音太大了，他們無(wú)法入睡；第二種是我講得時(shí)間太長(zhǎng)了，他們無(wú)法一直清醒。

作為一個(gè)講演者，他的演講總拿來(lái)和林肯的哥得堡演講[一個(gè)著名的演講]相比較。當(dāng)他演講結(jié)束時(shí)，也有悲傷、眼淚和悲痛——特別是計(jì)劃委員會(huì)。

幽默注釋：演講者講得太糟糕了，組織者哭得很傷心。

演講結(jié)束時(shí)，宴會(huì)主人感謝你從繁忙的日程中抽出時(shí)間來(lái)——你泰然自若，優(yōu)雅地點(diǎn)頭微笑著，心里非常清楚你日歷上唯一的事情就是就早餐后喝點(diǎn)咖啡 poise is when you finish your speech and the toastmaster thanks you for taking time out of your busy schedule to be a part of their program---and you nod and smile graciously knowing full well that the only thing on your calendar is a little coffee from breakfast.幽默注釋：一些老干部退休后沒(méi)什么事干，有人請(qǐng)他參加一些活動(dòng)，他還假裝很忙，好象推開(kāi)了很多事才趕去似的。

過(guò)去我演講時(shí)常常會(huì)比較緊張，但那時(shí)我看到一條信息說(shuō)如果你想象所有的觀眾都是裸體會(huì)有所幫助。此時(shí)此刻，我站在這里想象著觀眾都是裸體，真的起作用，我不再緊張了，但眼睛有些疲勞。

i used to get nervous when giving a speech but then i read that it helps to think of the entire audience as being naked.and so, at this very moment, i’m standing up here imagining every one in this audience as being naked.and it really works.i no suffer from nervousness.eyestrain.yes 幽默注釋：把觀眾想象成裸體，意思是我不怕你們，就不緊張了。

創(chuàng)新句子：大部分人站在講臺(tái)上都會(huì)有點(diǎn)兒緊張，我屬于少部分人，我非常 緊張。

我本人不自負(fù)——我簡(jiǎn)直不能告訴你們我是多么欽佩我這一點(diǎn)。personally, i have never been conceited---and i can’t tell you how much i admire myself for that.幽默句子：他因?yàn)樽约翰蛔载?fù)，所以變得非常驕傲。

創(chuàng)新句子：我一點(diǎn)兒都不自負(fù)，我希望別人也這么看我.我先用簡(jiǎn)單明了的英語(yǔ)演講，以后我再翻譯給律師聽(tīng)。

let me put this into plain english.i’ll translate it for the lawyers later.幽默注釋：律師總喜歡用復(fù)雜的語(yǔ)言，簡(jiǎn)單的話都聽(tīng)不懂了。創(chuàng)新句子：我的講話有三個(gè)版本，小學(xué)生版本，中學(xué)生版本，大學(xué)生版本，你是聽(tīng)小學(xué)一年紀(jì)版的，還是小學(xué)二年紀(jì)版的？

如果你聽(tīng)過(guò)這個(gè)故事，請(qǐng)不要打斷我，我就知道這一個(gè)故事。if you’ve already heard this story, please don’t stop me because it’s the only one i know.幽默注釋：就是你知道兩個(gè)故事，講故事前也可以這么說(shuō)。

創(chuàng)新句子：我講個(gè)笑話，如果你們聽(tīng)過(guò)，也希望裝做沒(méi)聽(tīng)過(guò)，我也這樣照顧你們。

演講就象給草坪澆水，如果有四分之一的水滲下去你就滿意了。

making a speech is like watering a lawn.you’re satisfied if just a quarter of it sinks in.幽默注釋：有人打呼嚕，有人說(shuō)話，都是正常的，有四分之一觀眾聽(tīng)就不錯(cuò)了。

幽默句子：即興演講的開(kāi)場(chǎng)白。

創(chuàng)新句子：我不知道你們會(huì)不會(huì)喜歡我的演講，我不知道我要講點(diǎn)兒什么 開(kāi)始前我想告訴你們下面的演講已經(jīng)編輯成了電視節(jié)目，我現(xiàn)在少講20分鐘，我們能夠及時(shí)趕回家看2臺(tái)的節(jié)目。

before i begin, i want you to know that the following speech has been edited for television.i cut 20 minutes out of it so we could all get home in time for the game on channel 2.幽默注釋：放著現(xiàn)場(chǎng)不看，偏要回家在電視上看。

可能你們有些人知道我今晚出現(xiàn)在這里有兩個(gè)原因：第一個(gè)原因是你們的計(jì)劃委員會(huì)一直在設(shè)法尋找一個(gè)聰明、有趣、老練的演講者，——他們找到了。第二個(gè)原因是那個(gè)人病了，所以就打電話把我找來(lái)了。

幽默注釋：一開(kāi)始好象在說(shuō)自己很牛，其實(shí)就是個(gè)臨時(shí)替場(chǎng)。

創(chuàng)新句子：我認(rèn)為我演講很風(fēng)趣，可為什么沒(méi)人笑呢？

篇五：我寫的搞笑的英文演講稿 我寫的搞笑的英文演講稿

once god came up two me & granted me a dream to be realize.i asked 4 world peace.that’s impossible, he said.有一次上帝來(lái)到我面前答應(yīng)了實(shí)現(xiàn)我一個(gè)夢(mèng)想。我說(shuō)我要世界和平?！澳鞘遣豢赡艿摹彼f(shuō)。

then i asked him to give you brains.he said, let me try world peace.然后我請(qǐng)讓你變聰明。他說(shuō)：“你還是讓我試試讓世界和平吧。”

篇六：幽默式英語(yǔ)演講開(kāi)場(chǎng)欣賞 幽默式英語(yǔ)演講開(kāi)場(chǎng)欣賞 *in a humorous way #幽默式開(kāi)場(chǎng)欣賞

judging the value and the authors achievements is up to the 敬愛(ài)的同志們，我覺(jué)得，提到高爾基的名字時(shí)，常常會(huì)加上一些度量的形容詞，如偉大的、高尚的、高大的等等。如果老是過(guò)分地強(qiáng)調(diào)和抬高一個(gè)人物，我們就會(huì)使別人的成就和重要性失去光彩，這一點(diǎn)，你們沒(méi)有想到吧？請(qǐng)相信我，我并不是故意講漂亮話，也不是裝模作樣。有許多重要的原因使我不能不說(shuō)這些話。打個(gè)比方說(shuō)，在這里，我們大家的年齡盡管相差很大，然而都是同一個(gè)很年輕的母親──全蘇聯(lián)文學(xué)的孩子。

衡量一個(gè)作家的成就，是讀者的事；說(shuō)明一部文學(xué)作品的社會(huì)意義是批評(píng)家的事。

第五篇：美式幽默英語(yǔ)演講稿

演講中的美式幽默

美國(guó)人愛(ài)幽默，特別是大庭廣眾之中，演講者丟包袱、甩噱頭，營(yíng)造出一種輕松歡快、與聽(tīng)眾互動(dòng)的氛圍，已經(jīng)是現(xiàn)代美國(guó)文化的一種常態(tài)。馬克-吐溫的幽默細(xì)胞，已儼然浸入到美國(guó)文化的血液中。

市長(zhǎng)的幽默

崔永元先生介紹了波斯頓市長(zhǎng)在與中國(guó)市長(zhǎng)同僚們會(huì)面時(shí)演說(shuō)的幽默，波斯頓市長(zhǎng)說(shuō)道，他絕對(duì)沒(méi)有中國(guó)市長(zhǎng)們那么威風(fēng)，他在波斯頓當(dāng)市長(zhǎng)，更多的時(shí)候感覺(jué)自己就象個(gè)“墓地看守”，“看起來(lái)人挺多”但——“沒(méi)有一個(gè)聽(tīng)我的”。呵呵。那是當(dāng)然的啰，在美國(guó)是個(gè)人主義得道，強(qiáng)調(diào)天賦人權(quán)，人人平等。不象中國(guó)，千年來(lái)儒家的“君臣父子長(zhǎng)幼有序”，人的尊嚴(yán)完全奠立于手中握有權(quán)力的大小。當(dāng)了官，尤其當(dāng)了個(gè)“高官”，周圍多半會(huì)有一批馬屁精們圍繞。馬屁精們放棄自己的尊嚴(yán)，整天把領(lǐng)導(dǎo)的官銜掛在嘴上，使得我們領(lǐng)導(dǎo)的感覺(jué)不要太好哦！

看看山東作協(xié)里的“作家”——在四川汶川地震時(shí)為追思被埋葬在廢墟下的學(xué)生寫的詩(shī)——對(duì)領(lǐng)導(dǎo)的吹捧和贊美到了不知人間羞恥的地步！

沒(méi)看現(xiàn)在國(guó)內(nèi)，大家千軍萬(wàn)馬爭(zhēng)當(dāng)“公務(wù)員”—— 其中必

有不少人恐怕為的就是想要出人頭地，期待身邊有人來(lái)給他溜須拍馬嘛！

可在美國(guó)，是不流行拍馬屁的哎！牧師的幽默

去過(guò)美國(guó)教會(huì)聽(tīng)禮拜的大凡都有體會(huì)，美國(guó)牧師大多講道時(shí)比較幽默，氣氛活躍；不象國(guó)內(nèi)牧師那樣常常板起臉教訓(xùn)人，把講道搞得枯燥無(wú)味。

有一次去教會(huì)參加美國(guó)朋友的一個(gè)婚禮，主持婚禮的牧師認(rèn)真地向這對(duì)新人祝福，愿他倆“making love everyday!” 這句話，直白點(diǎn)的翻譯便是：做愛(ài)每一天！當(dāng)然也可以有柔和點(diǎn)的翻譯：恩愛(ài)每一天！

完全木有過(guò)去在國(guó)內(nèi)婚禮上主持人對(duì)新人的勵(lì)志話語(yǔ)：共同攜手——抓革命、促生產(chǎn)、為國(guó)家多做貢獻(xiàn)（其實(shí)也只讓生一個(gè)），，哈哈！

葬禮上的幽默

美國(guó)人演講的幽默甚至連葬禮也不放過(guò)。

我在美國(guó)通過(guò)電視直播觀看了蘋果公司創(chuàng)建人喬布斯去世后的葬禮現(xiàn)場(chǎng)，蘋果公司的一位高管，在葬禮上發(fā)表激情演說(shuō)，他談到喬布斯一向追求細(xì)節(jié)的完美，不能容忍任何的細(xì)節(jié)疏忽。演講者說(shuō)他“曾經(jīng)多次陪喬布斯外出公干”，每到一地在賓館住下，他把自己攜帶的行李中的衣物取出、擺放好，就立馬會(huì)接到喬布斯打來(lái)的電話，喬布斯對(duì)這家賓館房間乃至對(duì)這

個(gè)賓館的某個(gè)細(xì)節(jié)不滿意，要他“收拾行李”，準(zhǔn)備跟他“換賓館飯店”。以致后來(lái)他再陪喬布斯外出，到賓館住下后，他連自己的行李都不敢打開(kāi)，就坐在房間電話機(jī)旁邊等——等喬布斯打電話來(lái)，準(zhǔn)備換賓館，“這樣比較方便”，省得把東西剛拿出來(lái)，又要放進(jìn)去。

會(huì)場(chǎng)一片笑聲，哎，這哪像“葬禮”??？ 有木有搞錯(cuò)？ 偶滴油墨 幽默英語(yǔ)演講稿 love your mother 愛(ài)你的母親

why are you crying, a young boy asked his mom? 你為什么哭?一個(gè)小男孩問(wèn)他的媽媽.because im a woman, she told him.因?yàn)槲沂桥?她告訴他.i dont understand, he said.我不明白.他回答

his mom just hugged him and said, and you never will, but thats o.k........媽媽擁抱了他說(shuō),你永遠(yuǎn)也不會(huì)明白,但沒(méi)關(guān)系...later the little boy asked his father, why does mom seem to cry for no reason?.后來(lái)小男孩問(wèn)他的父親媽媽為什么似乎在無(wú)緣無(wú)故的哭泣? all women cry for no reason, was all his dad could say......所有的女人都會(huì)常常沒(méi)有原因地哭泣,這是他的父親唯一可以解釋的...the little boy grew up and became a man, still wondering why women cry.等到小男孩長(zhǎng)大,成了男人的時(shí)候, 他仍然奇怪媽媽為什么哭.finally he put in a call to god and when god got back to him, he asked god, why do women cry so easily? 最后他把這件事禱告給上帝,他問(wèn)上帝,為什么女人容易哭泣? god answered......上帝回答: when i made woman, i decided she had to be special.i made her shoulders strong enough to carry the weight of the world, yet, 當(dāng)我創(chuàng)造女人的時(shí)候, 我決定把她造的很特別, 我讓她的雙肩強(qiáng)壯的足以能夠承擔(dān)整個(gè)世界,但是, 卻讓她的雙臂溫柔的足夠去安慰他人...i gave her the inner strength to endure childbirth and the rejection even from her own children.我給她內(nèi)在的力量去忍受生產(chǎn)的劇痛, 也讓她有勇氣承受無(wú)數(shù)的傷害, 甚至這些傷害有時(shí)會(huì)來(lái)自于自己的孩子...i gave her a hardness that allows her to keep going and take care of her family and friends, even when everyone else gives up, through sickness and fatigue without 我給她頑強(qiáng),讓她能夠不斷地前進(jìn), 并且照顧自己的家人和朋友, 甚至當(dāng)每個(gè)人都放棄的時(shí)候, 她卻能夠堅(jiān)強(qiáng)地在疾病和勞累之時(shí)毫無(wú)怨言...i gave her the sensitivity to love her children under any and all circumstances.even when her child has hurt her badly....she has the very special power to make a childs boo-boo feel better and to quell a teenagers anxieties and fears....我給她內(nèi)心的敏感,讓她在任何環(huán)境下都深愛(ài)著自己的孩子.甚至在他們深深傷害她的時(shí)候．．．

她用那特別的力量，讓年幼孩子的在受傷的時(shí)候感到安慰，也能夠讓年輕的子女消除緊張與恐懼．．．

i gave her strength to care for her husband, despite faults and i fashioned her from his rib to protect his heart....我給她力量關(guān)心她的丈夫，盡管他會(huì)犯錯(cuò)．我用男人的肋骨創(chuàng)造了女人，使女人可以保護(hù)男人的心臟．．． i gave her wisdom to know that a good husband never hurts his wife, but sometimes tests her strengths and her resolve to stand beside him unfalteringly....我給她智慧，讓她知道一個(gè)好丈夫永遠(yuǎn)不會(huì)傷害他的妻子，但有時(shí)候會(huì)試煉她堅(jiān)定的永遠(yuǎn)跟隨自己丈夫的能力與決心． for all of this hard work, i also gave her a tear to shed.it is hers to use whenever needed and when you see her cry, tell her how much you love her, and all she does for everyone, and even though she may still cry, you will have made her heart feel good.因?yàn)檫@些種種的困難，我也同樣賜她流下眼淚，這是當(dāng)她在需要時(shí)可以使用的，這是她唯一的軟弱之處．．．

當(dāng)你看到她哭泣的時(shí)候，告訴她你有多么地愛(ài)她，告訴她她為所有人所做的一切，即使這樣她可能還是會(huì)哭泣，但你會(huì)使她的心里得到安慰． she is special!please send this to women you know, and those with mothers, sisters, and special women in their lives.她是獨(dú)特的！

請(qǐng)把這個(gè)信息傳遞給你認(rèn)識(shí)的女人，有母親，姐妹和特別的女性在他們生命里的人． but, also send this to men so they will understand about what a wonderful thing a woman is.篇三：【英語(yǔ)】美式幽默 1.is she big-boned? 她是不是很魁梧??？ big-bone看字面解釋就知道是指骨架很粗大。這對(duì)美女(美國(guó)的女人)來(lái)說(shuō)是見(jiàn)怪不怪的。在電影something about mary中就有這一句，is she big-boned? 那嬌小的女子怎么說(shuō)？嬌小就是petite。很多從亞洲來(lái)女生來(lái)美國(guó)都抱怨買不到合適的衣服，其實(shí)很多店都有一區(qū)petite。去那里找找，保證你會(huì)有意想不到的收獲。若是真的找不到，就試試teenager那兒也有許多合適的衣服。2.we have a female shortage here。

我們這里鬧女人荒。

由于我的學(xué)校是理工學(xué)院，所以男女比例自然是不均勻，有一次連老美也不禁感嘆道，we have a female shortage here。這樣的說(shuō)法是不是聽(tīng)來(lái)很特別？其實(shí)我看根本就不只是female shortage而是 female drought?；蚴歉鋸堃稽c(diǎn)的講法，we have a female extinction here。3.you are a freaking yankee。

你是怪怪的北方佬。

老美彼此之間很喜歡拿對(duì)方的出生地作文章。因?yàn)槟媳钡牟町?，所以或多或少北方人看不起南方人，南方人也看不起北方人。yankee 是南北戰(zhàn)爭(zhēng)時(shí)北軍的士兵叫yankee, 現(xiàn)在一般指北方佬。而freaking是說(shuō)這人很怪，或者解釋成怪胎也可以。4.i am laying low。

我躲起來(lái)了。

有一次我問(wèn)一個(gè)老美，how are you doing? 結(jié)果他回我i am laying low。結(jié)果在場(chǎng)的老美都在笑，但是只有我聽(tīng)不懂。其實(shí)laying low就是說(shuō)躲的低低的，怕被別人看到，就是想辦法混就對(duì)了。事后老美跟我解釋說(shuō)這句話其實(shí)沒(méi)那么好笑，主要是因?yàn)槲衣?tīng)不懂，大家才又覺(jué)得更好笑。5.i cut the cheese。

我放屁了。

一般人說(shuō)放屁這個(gè)字都會(huì)用fart這個(gè)字，但是cut the cheese也有放屁的意思在里面。為什么呢？因?yàn)榇蠹蚁胂肭衏heese時(shí)會(huì)發(fā)出什么聲音？是不是和放屁很像呢？但是這樣的用法似乎并不常用，我只在某部很爛的片子：mysterious man里聽(tīng)過(guò)一次。6.do you go out with your gun loaded? 你要帶著你上膛的槍出門嗎？

此槍非彼槍。大家應(yīng)該知道我指的是什么樣的 槍, 這句也是我去看something about mary這部電影時(shí)學(xué)到的。使用時(shí)機(jī)就是有些男人出去跟女人約會(huì)，滿腦子想的就是如何跟她上床，你要糗糗他，就可以這么說(shuō) do you go out with your gun loaded? she probably will get hurt。7.she is a big gossip。

她是八卦夫人。

gossip平時(shí)指的是八卦新聞，但它也可以拿來(lái)形容一個(gè)人很八卦。所以she is a big gossip就是說(shuō)她是個(gè)八卦夫人?；蚴悄阋部梢哉f(shuō)，she is gossipy。中文里講的廣播電臺(tái)在美國(guó)倒是不常見(jiàn)，反而是有另一種說(shuō)說(shuō) she is an information bureau(她是情報(bào)局)也蠻有趣的。8.if the boys stare at you, they have guts to suck your teeth!如果男生盯著你看，他們就有膽親你。

這是我看電視full house學(xué)來(lái)的，是二個(gè)姐妹的對(duì)話，這句話有三個(gè)地方我覺(jué)的很棒，第一個(gè)是stare at you, 就是指盯著人家看的意思，have guts 就是說(shuō)有膽子的意思，(這是一個(gè)巧合，中文英文說(shuō)有膽子都是說(shuō)有勇氣的意思！)而最后一個(gè) suck your teeth 則是指親嘴的意思，很有趣，但是像這種句子是小孩子說(shuō)的，難登大雅之堂。

親嘴還有另外一個(gè)口語(yǔ)的用法：smooch 例如 i didnt smooch that girl last night。我昨晚沒(méi)親那個(gè)女孩。9.she is vertically challenged 她的身高受到了挑戰(zhàn)

這樣的說(shuō)法就是說(shuō)人家很矮的意思，但是是比較婉轉(zhuǎn)(political correctness)的說(shuō)法。什么challenged 就是說(shuō)有某方面的障礙，如mentally challenged就是說(shuō)心智障礙，也就是低能兒的意思。

關(guān)于這個(gè)political correctness老美也常用，不過(guò)中文并沒(méi)有適當(dāng)相對(duì)應(yīng)的翻法。所謂的 political correctness就是說(shuō)為了不得罪某一族群的人，而在用辭上加以修飾，讓它聽(tīng)來(lái)不會(huì)歧視某一族群。例如 chairman這個(gè)字，可能會(huì)得罪某些女性主義者，所以就發(fā)明了chairperson這個(gè)字。這樣子的轉(zhuǎn)變，就可以算是 political correctness。10.where can i dump these white elephants? 這些無(wú)用的垃圾我要丟到哪里？

比如說(shuō)家中的286計(jì)算機(jī)用之無(wú)味，棄之可惜，放在那里一擺就是好幾年，這種垃圾就叫white elephant。只是這樣的說(shuō)法比較少見(jiàn)。不過(guò)有些人還是會(huì)這么用，我曾聽(tīng)一個(gè)老美他說(shuō)，the fountain is a white elephant.意思是，這個(gè)噴水池真是廢物。

有些老美會(huì)在自家的庭院前辦所謂的garage sale, 就是把一些家里很少用到的東西拿出來(lái)賣。有些人的告示上會(huì)寫white elephant sale。如果你不知道whte elephant指的是無(wú)用之物的話，你可能會(huì)覺(jué)得蠻奇怪的，為什么有人在賣白大象呢？篇四：美式幽默 美式幽默

中國(guó)式笑話與美國(guó)式笑話有很大的區(qū)別，你可以試著看看一下幾個(gè)小故事，如果覺(jué)得真心好笑。那么說(shuō)明你具有美式幽默哦！jack told his wife, helen, that he wanted to spend his vacation where he had never been before.helen said, “how about the kitchen?” charles came home at four in the morning and found his wife lying awake in the bed.where you until this hour of the morning? she screamed.ignoring what she asked, charelrs opened his bedroom closet and found a naked man cringing on the floor.chareles asked, who is this man? dont change the subject!replied his wife.篇五：美式幽默的字幕翻譯論文

畢 業(yè) 論 文

學(xué)生姓名

學(xué)位層次 學(xué) 士

院 系 外 語(yǔ)

專 業(yè) 英 語(yǔ)

指導(dǎo)教師

完成日期 contents

abstract.........................................................................................1 abstract(chinese)..........................................................................2 i.introduction................................................................................3 ii.the principles of film subtitling translation of american humor.4 2.2 cultural return...................................................................6 2.3 colloquial domestication.....................................................7 ⅲ.the translation methods of american humor.............................8 3.1 the translation methods of the style dislocation.................8 3.2 the translation methods of irony........................................8 3.3 the translation methods of exaggeration.............................9 3.4 the translation methods of allusion..................................10 ⅳ.conclusion..............................................................................11

reference.....................................................................................12 abstract key words: american humor;film subtitling translation;translation principle;translation method 摘 要 電影在現(xiàn)今變得越來(lái)越流行，中國(guó)人被外語(yǔ)電影包圍者，而外語(yǔ)電影業(yè)給中國(guó)人的生活帶來(lái)了特別的美式幽默，全新的文化模式也給字幕翻譯者帶來(lái)了挑戰(zhàn)，這篇文章圍繞美式幽默字幕翻譯展開(kāi)的。美式幽默在外語(yǔ)電影作品中無(wú)處不在，它對(duì)幽默的字幕翻譯處理也是頗有難度。電影中不同類型，不同形式的美式幽默為劇情增加了很多亮點(diǎn)。電影字幕這一文化載體要對(duì)其進(jìn)行研究必定要置身于整個(gè)社會(huì)歷史大環(huán)境下，不能只考慮語(yǔ)言文本的對(duì)等。這也對(duì)傳統(tǒng)的翻譯三原則提出了挑戰(zhàn)，它在翻譯上的難度也引起了人們對(duì)字幕翻譯原則與方法的思考。