第一篇：英語短文笑話(帶翻譯)

1、How much English can you speak?

“Your Honor, I want to bring to your attention how unfair it is for my client to be accused of theft.He arrived in New York City a week ago and barely knew his way around.What's more, he only speaks a few words of English.” The judge looked at the defendant and asked, “How much English can you speak?” The defendant looked up and said, “Give me your wallet!”

中文翻譯

“法官先生，我的當(dāng)事人被指控偷竊，這是多么不公正啊。他一周前才來到紐約，幾乎不認(rèn)路。而且，他只會說幾個英語單詞?！?法官看了看被告，問道：“你會說多少英文？” 被告抬起頭，說：“把你的錢包給我！” 2

A husband, proving to his wife that women talk more than men, showed her a study which indicated that men use on average only 15000 words a day, whereas women use 30000 words a day.She thought about this for a while and then told her husband that women use twice as many words as men because they have to repeat everything they say.He said, “What?” 丈夫給妻子看了一項(xiàng)調(diào)查結(jié)果，為了向她證明女人比男人啰嗦。研究表明男人平均每天使用15000個字，而女人每天使用30000個。

妻子想了一會兒說，女人每天說的字?jǐn)?shù)是男人的兩倍，因?yàn)樗齻儽仨氈貜?fù)已經(jīng)說過的話。他問：“什么？” 3

Boy: Is this seat empty? Girl: Yes, and this one will be if you sit down.男孩：這個座位是空的么？

女孩：是的，如果你坐下，我的座位也將是空的。

4、“Tom, what's the matter with your brother?” asked the mother in the kitchen.“He's crying.” “Oh, nothing, Mum,” replied Tom.“I'm eating my cake.He is crying because I won't give him any.” “But has he finished his own cake?” “Yes.” said Tom.“And he also cried when I was helping him finish that.” “湯姆，你弟弟怎么了？” 媽媽在廚房里問?！八诳蕖！?“沒事兒，媽媽，” 湯姆答道?！拔以诔晕业牡案狻Ｋ奘且?yàn)槲也唤o他吃。” “他已經(jīng)吃完自己的了么？” “是的?！?“我?guī)退酝陼r，他也哭了。”

2009-6-7

A guy says to his friend, “Guess how many coins I have in my pocket.” The friends says, “If I guess right, will you give me one of them?” The first guys says, “If you guess right, I'll give you both of them!” 路人甲對路人乙說，“猜猜我兜里有幾個子兒？” 路人乙說：“我猜對了，你能給我一個不？” 路人甲說：“你要猜對了，我兩個全部給你！”

2009-6-6研究生和本科生的區(qū)別

“I can always tell a graduate class from an undergraduate class,” said an instructor at a university graduate engineering course.“When I say 'Good afternoon,' the undergraduates respond 'Good afternoon.' But the graduate students just write it down.” 一個教師在研究生工程學(xué)課堂上說：“我一眼就能看出來哪些是本科生，哪些是研究生?！?“我說'下午好'的時候，本科生回答'下午好'，而研究生則把這句話記在本子上?！?/p>

2009-6-5

Dad: Tom, please tell me, which month has 28 days? Tom: Every month.爸爸：告訴我湯姆，哪個月有28天呢？ 湯姆：每個月都有?。?/p>

2009-6-4making faces

Finding one of her students making faces at others on the playground, Ms Smith stopped to gently reprimand the child.Smiling sweetly, the Sunday school teacher said, “Bobby, when I was a child I was told if I made ugly faces, my face would freeze and stay like that”.Bobby looked up and replied, “Well, Ms Smith, you can't say you weren't warned.” 史密斯小姐發(fā)現(xiàn)她的一名學(xué)生在操場上向別人做鬼臉，便去輕責(zé)他。

這位主日學(xué)校的老師甜甜地微笑著，說：“博比，我小的時候，有人告訴我如果我做鬼臉，我的臉就會僵硬，永遠(yuǎn)都那么丑?！?博比抬頭看了看老師，說：“史密斯小姐，你可別說沒人警告過你啊?！?/p>

2009-6-3

A guy goes to visit his grandma and he brings his friend with him.While he's talking to his grandma, his friend starts eating the peanuts on the coffee table, and finishes them off.As they're leaving, his friend says to his grandma, “Thanks for the peanuts.” She says, “Yeah, since I lost my dentures I can only suck the chocolate off.”

一名男子帶著朋友去探望他的祖母。

當(dāng)他和祖母聊天時，他的朋友開始吃咖啡桌上放的花生，并把花生都給吃光了。他們離開時，他的朋友對祖母說:“謝謝您的花生?！?結(jié)果祖母說:“唉！自從我牙齒掉光后，我就只能吮掉花生豆外層的巧克力了?！?/p>

2009-6-2

A father was trying to teach his son the evils of alcohol.He put one worm in a glass of water and another worm in a glass of whiskey.The worm in the water lived, while the one in the whiskey curled up and died.“All right, son,” asked the father, “What does that show you?” “Well, Dad, it shows that if you drink alcohol, you will not have worms.” 一位父親打算讓自己的兒子知道酒精有多么可怕。

他把分別把兩只蟲子放到一杯清水和一杯威士忌里做對比。清水里蟲子安然無恙，結(jié)果威士忌里的蟲子蜷縮了幾下就掛掉了。

“所以，兒子啊，”父親問道，“得出什么結(jié)論？” “恩，這說明，你只要喝酒的話，肚里就不會長蟲了！”

2009-6-1

Looking very unhappy, a poor man entered a doctor's consulting-room.“Doctor,” he said, “you must help me.I swallowed a penny about a month ago.”

“Good heavens, man!” said the doctor.“Why have you waited so long? Why don't you come to me on the day you swallowed it?”

“To tell you the truth, Doctor,” the poor man replied, “I didn't need the money so badly then.”

中文翻譯：

一個看起來很難受的窮人走進(jìn)大夫的診室。

“大夫！”他說，“幫幫我！一個月前我吞了一分硬幣！”

“天哪，”大夫說，“早干嘛去了？你當(dāng)時怎么不來看？”

“實(shí)話告訴您吧，大夫，”窮人說，“我當(dāng)時還不缺錢！”

2009-5-31

Boy: Hi, didn't we go on dates before? Onec or twice? Girl: Must've been once.I never make the same mistake twice.男孩：嗨，我們之前是不是約會過，是一次還是兩次，我忘記了。

女孩：應(yīng)該只有一次吧，我從不犯兩次同樣的錯誤。

2009-5-30

In an entrance examination of a conservatory of music, a teacher asked one of the boys, “What is the most important physiological quality of a musician?” “To be deaf,” replied the boy.“Nonsense!” said the teacher angrily.“Why, sir!Don't you know that the famous musician Beethoven was deaf?” the boy asked in reply disdainfully.在一次音樂學(xué)院的入學(xué)考試中，老師問其中一個男孩：“音樂家最重要的生理素質(zhì)是什么？” “耳聾，”男孩答道。

“胡說！”老師氣憤地說。

“怎么了，先生！難道您不知道大名鼎鼎的音樂家貝多芬是個聾子嗎？”男孩輕蔑地反問道。

2009-5-28

A man sat at a bar, had the saddest hangdog expression.Bartender: “What's the matter? Are you having troubles with your wife?” The man: “We had a fight, and she told me that she wasn't going to speak to me for a month.” Bartender: “That should make you happy.” The man: “No, the month is up today!” 一個男人坐在酒吧里，傷心至極。

酒吧招待：“你怎么了？跟老婆鬧矛盾了？” 男人：“我們吵了一架，她說一個月都不跟我說話?！?酒吧招待：“那你應(yīng)該高興才是??！” 男人：“不，今天是這個月的最后一天?！?/p>

【Laughter】2009-5-27 A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband.A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.女人找了老公之前都在擔(dān)憂未來。男人娶了老婆之前從來不為未來擔(dān)憂。

2009-5-26

A man will pay $2 for a $1 item he wants.A woman will pay $1 for a $2 item that she doesn't want.男人想要的東西，要是值1塊錢卻賣2塊，他也會買；而對于女人，即使是不想要的東西，要是值2塊錢卻只賣1塊，她也會買。

2009-5-25

The female dormitory will be out-of-bounds for all male students and vice versa.“Anybody caught breaking this rule will be fined $20 the first time.Anybody caught breaking this rule the

2nd time will be fined $60.Being caught a 3rd time will incur a fine of $180.Are there any questions?” At this moment, a male student in the crowd inquires, “Umm...How much for a season pass?” 女生宿舍將全面禁止男生進(jìn)入，男生宿舍也同樣不得女生光臨。

“不論是誰，一旦違規(guī)，初犯將被罰款20美元。再犯要被罰款60美元。第3次被抓需要交180美元的罰款。還有什么疑問么？” 這時人群中一個男同學(xué)問道，“那么一個季度通行證需要多少錢？”

2009-5-24

Boy: Can I buy you a drink? Girl: Actually I'd rather have the money.男孩：我可以給你買杯飲料嗎？ 女孩：你不如直接把錢給我得了。

2009-5-22

Doctor: Your cough sounds much better today.Patient: It should.I've been practicing all night.醫(yī)生：聽上去你咳嗽今天好多了。

病人：應(yīng)該如此。我昨晚練習(xí)了一整夜。

2009-5-21

Pete: “The last time I was out hunting, I stepped off a high cliff, and would you believe it, while I was falling every fool deed I'd ever done came into my mind.” Bob: “Must have been a pretty high mountain you fell from.” 皮特：“我上次出去打獵，跌下了很高的懸崖，信不信由你，當(dāng)我跌落的時候，我腦海里浮現(xiàn)了我做過的所有蠢事?！?鮑勃：“你一定是從萬丈高山上跌落的吧?！?/p>

2009-5-19

Spending the night with their grandparents, 2 young boys knelt beside their beds to say their prayers at bedtime.The younger boy began praying at the top of his lungs:“I PRAY FOR A BIKE...I PRAY FOR A NEW DVD...” His older brother nudged him and said, “Why are you shouting your prayers? God isn't deaf.” To which the little brother replied, “No, but Grandma is!” 2個男孩與祖父母一起過夜，他們跪在床邊做睡前禱告。弟弟聲嘶力竭地祈禱: “我祈求一輛自行車，一張新DVD……” 哥哥用肘輕推他: “你為什么大喊著祈禱？上帝又不聾。” 弟弟答道:“上帝是不聾，但是奶奶聾?！?/p>

2009-5-18

A cop spotted a woman driving and knitting at the same time.Coming up beside her, he said, “Pull over!” “No,” she replied, “a pair of socks!” 巡警發(fā)現(xiàn)一名婦女邊開車邊織毛衣，便開車上前，說：“靠邊停車(套頭衫)！” “不，” 她回答，“是一雙襪子！”

In order to prove the harmful effect of alcohol,the teacher put a bug into a glass filled with alcohol,soon the bug died.The teacher asked a student,“what does this show?”

The student answered,“It shows that people won't get parasites if they drink more alcohol.”

酒的好處

為了證明酒精對生物的危害，老師把一只蟲子放入裝有酒精的杯子里，蟲子很快就死了。老師問一個學(xué)生：“這說明了什么？”

學(xué)生答道：“說明人多喝酒，就不會長蟲子。”

1.Teacher:Some students are becoming arrogant.Do you remember the story about race between the hare and the tortoise?Now,Xiaoming,will you please tell us why the hare was defeated by the tortoise?

Xiaoming:Because the hare fell asleep.Teacher:Absolutely right!What should we do so that the hare won't fall asleep?

Xiaoming:Exchange the tortoise for the wolf.把烏龜換成狼

老師：有些同學(xué)開始驕傲了，大家還記得龜兔賽跑的故事嗎。小明，你說說看，兔子為什么輸給烏龜？

小明：因?yàn)樗X了。

老師：對極了！我們應(yīng)該怎么做才能讓兔子不睡覺呢？

小明：把烏龜換成狼！

Jonesie The Great Lion Hunter

A small village was troubled by a man-eating lion.So its leaders sent a message to the great hunter, Jonesie, to come and kill the beast.For several nights the hunter lay in wait for the lion, but it never appeared.Finally, he told the village chief to kill a cow and give him its hide.Draping the skin over his shoulders, he went to the pasture to wait for the lion.In the middle of the night, the villagers woke to the sound of blood-curdling shrieks coming from the pasture.As they carefully approached, they saw the hunter on the ground, groaning in pain.There was no sign of the lion.“What happened, Jonesie? Where is the lion?” asked the chief.“Forget the damn lion!” he howled.“Which one of you idiots let the bull loose?” 偉大的獵手Jonesie

有個小村莊正為一只吃人的獅子而煩惱。于是，村長派人去請偉大的獵手Jonesie來殺死這只野獸。

獵手躺著等了幾個晚上，但獅子一直沒有出現(xiàn)。最后，他要求村長殺只羊然后把頭皮給他。把羊皮披在身上后，獵人到草原上去等獅子。

半夜，村民被從草原傳來的聲嘶力竭的尖叫聲驚醒。他們小心地靠近后，看到獵手正躺在草地上痛苦地呻吟。沒有獅子出沒的蛛絲馬跡。

“Jonesie，怎么了？獅子在哪？”村長問。

“哪有獅子！”獵人怒吼道，“哪個傻瓜把公牛放出來了？”

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Weather Predict

A film crew was on location deep in the desert.One day an old Indian went up to the director and said, “Tomorrow rain.” The next day it rained.A week later, the Indian went up to the director and said, “Tomorrow storm.” The next day there was a hailstorm.“This Indian is incredible,” said the director.He told his secretary to hire the Indian to predict the weather.However, after several successful predictions, the old Indian didn't show up for two weeks.Finally the director sent for him.“I have to shoot a big scene tomorrow,” said the director, “and I'm depending on you.What will the weather be like?”

The Indian shrugged his shoulders.“Don't know,” he said.“Radio is broken.” 天氣預(yù)報(bào)

一個電影攝制組在沙漠深處工作.一天,一個印度老人到導(dǎo)演跟前告訴導(dǎo)演說“明天下雨.”第二天果然下雨了.一周后,印度人又來告訴導(dǎo)演說,“明天有風(fēng)暴.”果然,第二天下了雹暴.“印度人真神,”導(dǎo)演說.他告訴秘書雇傭該印度人來預(yù)報(bào)天氣.幾次預(yù)報(bào)都很成功.然后,接下來的兩周,印度人不見了.最后,導(dǎo)演派人去把他叫來了.“我明天必須拍一個很大的場景,”導(dǎo)演說,“這得靠你了.明天天氣如何啊?”

印度人聳了聳肩.“我不知道,”印度人說,“收音機(jī)壞了.”

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I Am Acting Like a Lady

One day when women's dresses were on sale at the FarEast Department Store, a dignified middle-aged man decided to get his wife a piece.But he soon found himself being battered by

frantic women.He stood it as long as he could;then, with head lowered and arms flailing, he plowed through the crowed.“You there!” challenged a thrill voice.“Can't you act like a gentleman?”

“Listen,” he said, “I have been acting like a gentleman for an hour.From now on, I am acting like a lady.”

我要表現(xiàn)得象位女士

一天，遠(yuǎn)東百貨公司的女裝大減價，一位高貴的中年男士想給太太買一件?？墒牵瑳]過多久，他發(fā)現(xiàn)自己已被瘋狂的女人沖得踉踉蹌蹌。

他竭力忍耐著。后來，他低下頭，揮動雙臂，擠過人群。

“你干嘛？”有人尖聲叫道，“你難道不能表現(xiàn)得象位紳士嗎？”

“聽著，”他說，“我已經(jīng)象紳士一樣表現(xiàn)了一個小時。從現(xiàn)在起，我要表現(xiàn)得象個女士?！?/p>

第二篇：英語短文帶翻譯

The Thirsty Pigeon口渴的鴿子

A PIGEON, oppressed by excessive thirst, saw a goblet of water painted on a signboard.Not supposing it to be only a picture, she flew towards it with a loud whir and unwittingly dashed against the signboard, jarring herself terribly.Having broken her wings by the blow, she fell to the ground, and was caught by one of the bystanders.Zeal should not outrun discretion.有只鴿子口渴得很難受，看見畫板上畫著一個水瓶，以為是真的。他立刻呼呼地猛飛過 去，不料一頭碰撞在畫板上，折斷了翅膀，摔在地上，被人輕易地捉住了。這是說，有些人想急于得到所需的東西，一時沖動，草率從事，就會身遭不幸。

The Raven and the Swan烏鴉和天鵝

A RAVEN saw a Swan and desired to secure for himself the same beautiful plumage.Supposing that the Swan's splendid white color arose from his washing in the water in which he swam, the Raven left the altars in the neighborhood where he picked up his living, and took up residence in the lakes and pools.But cleansing his feathers as often as he would, he could not change their color, while through want of food he perished.Change of habit cannot alter Nature.烏鴉非常羨慕天鵝潔白的羽毛。他猜想天鵝一定是經(jīng)常洗澡，羽毛才變得如此潔白無 瑕。于是，他毅然離開了他賴以生存的祭壇，來到江湖邊。他天天洗刷自己的羽毛，不但一 點(diǎn)都沒洗白，反而因缺少食物饑餓而死。

這故事是說，人的本性不會隨著生活方式的改變而改變。

A woman got a dent in her car and took it in to the repair shop.The repairman decided to have a wee bit of fun.So he told her all she had to do was to take it home and blow in the tailpipe until the dent popped itself out.After 15 minutes of this, a lady－one of the woman's friends came over and asked what she was doing.“I'm trying to pop out this dent, but it's not really working.”

“Duh you have to roll up the windows first!”

一位女士把車撞了一個坑,于是就去修車。

修理工決定幽她一默。他告訴她,她只需把車開回家,然后從排氣管里往車?yán)锎禋?直到凹陷處自己鼓起來。

這位女士如法操作了15分鐘。這時,她的一位女性朋友來拜訪她,并問她在做什么。

“我正在試著讓那個坑鼓起來,但這個辦法似乎并不管用?！?/p>

“嗯……你必須先把車窗搖上去！”

1。Today and friends of foreign travel, outside air is very good, people feel very comfortable.We all appreciate the fine girls bicycles.We enjoyed the beautiful nature brought.We happily spent a happy day.今天和朋友一起出外交游，外面的空氣很好，人感覺很舒服。我們騎著自行車一路欣賞鳥語花香。享受著大自然帶給我們的無限美好。大家開開心心地度過了愉快的一天。

2。Today Mailehaoduo clothes, and parents take to the streets is happy, the parents have to pay to buy things.Unlike in their street to buy things they like to take a long time but saw the price, Ha-ha, is really very happy.I love my parents, I too thank them for the care and love.`` 今天買了好多衣服，和父母上街就是愉快，買東西有父母幫付錢。不像平時自己上街買東西碰到喜歡的但看了價錢都要考慮好久，呵呵，真的是很開心。我愛我的父母，太感謝他們對我的 關(guān)心和愛戴了。

October 1st is the National Day of the People ' Republic of China,our country.I love our country and I'm so pround of I am Chinese.On the National Day,I went out with my mother and saw there were a lot of national flags in front of many shops.I was so happy to see that because that shows the Chinese people 's love for China.There were also a military parade(閱兵式)in the Tian'anmen Square in Beijing on that day.I saw it on TV and I was so excited.I hope our country will be stronger and stronger.10月1號是中華人民共和國成立的日子。我熱愛我們的國家。作為一個中國人我感到無比驕傲和自豪。在國慶節(jié)這一天我和我媽媽出去逛街看到許多商店的門口都掛著國旗。看到這種情景我十分高興因?yàn)樗@示出了中國人民對祖國的愛。今天在北京天安門

廣場有閱兵式。當(dāng)我從電視上看到閱兵式的時候感到十分激動。我希望我們的國家變得越來越強(qiáng)壯。

My family

I love my family, because I have a happy family.My father is an English teacher.His name is Jacky.He is thirty-eight.He likes playing basketball.What’s my mother job? Is she a teacher? Yes, you’re right!My mother is very kind and nice, she is thirty-seven.My mother is always laborious work.I love my parents!On Saturday and Sunday, I often go to the library and play the piano, My father go to play basketball.Sometimes, we watch TV and listen to music at home.I love my family.Because I’m very happy to live with my parents together!

我的家庭 我愛我的家庭,因?yàn)槲矣幸粋€快樂的家庭.我的爸爸是一名英語教師,他的名字叫Jacky.他今年38歲.他非常喜歡打籃球.我的媽媽是趕什么呢?她是一名教師嗎?是的.你說對了!我的媽媽是一個很親切、友善的人,她今年37歲.我媽媽總是勤勞的干活.我愛我的父母.在星期六和星期天里,我經(jīng)常去圖書館和彈鋼琴.我爸爸去打籃球.有時侯,我們都在家看電視和聽音樂.我愛我家.因?yàn)槲液桶职謰寢屢黄鹕畹煤荛_心!

My Room

This is my room.Near the window there is a desk.I often do my homework at it.You can see some books, some flowers in a vase, a ruler and a pen.On the wall near the desk there is a picture of a cat.There is a clock above the end of my bed.I usually put my shoe under my bed.Of course there is a chair in front of the desk.I sit there and I can see the trees and roads outside.我的房間

這是我的房間。在窗口附近有一張書桌。我經(jīng)常在那做我的家庭作業(yè)。您能看有些書，有些花在花瓶里，一把格尺和筆。在墻壁在書桌有貓的圖片。有一個時鐘在我的床上的末端。我通常把我的鞋子放在我的床下。當(dāng)然有一把椅子在書桌前面。我坐那里，并且我能看外面的樹和路

Skating

Mom bought me a pair of skating shoes at my fifth birthday.From then on, I developed the hobby of skating.It not only makes me stronger and stronger, but also helps me know many truths of life.I know that it is normal to fall, and if only you can get on your feet again and keep on moving, you are very good!

滑冰

媽媽買了我一雙冰鞋鞋子在我的第五個生日。從那時起，我愛好滑冰。它不僅使我越來越加強(qiáng)，而且?guī)椭抑郎钤S多真諦。我知道摔倒是正常的，并且，如果只有你能摔倒后再站起來，就是非常好!

The Sea

What do you know about the sea? Some people know about it, but others don’t.The sea looks beautiful on a fine sunny day, the sea is very big.In the world, there is more sea than land.Do you know Hainan Island? It’s really very nice.We can see beaches, trees and the sea.We can swim and visit a lot of beautiful places.海

你對海知道些什么？ 某些人知道關(guān)于它，但其他不。?？雌饋砻利愒谝粋€美好的晴天，海是非常大的。在世界上，比土地有更多海。您是否知道海南島？ 那非常好。我們能看海灘、樹和海。我們可以游泳和參觀很多美好的地方。

Computers

Computers are changing our life.You can do a lot of things with a computer.Such as, you can use a computer to write articles, watch video CDs, play games and do office work.But the most important use of a computer is to join the Internet.We don’t need to leave home to borrow books from a library or to do shopping in a supermarket.Computers help us live a more convenient life.計(jì)算機(jī)

計(jì)算機(jī)改變我們的生活。您能做很多事用計(jì)算機(jī)。例如，您能使用計(jì)算機(jī)寫文章，手表錄影CDs，戲劇比賽和完成辦公室工作。但對計(jì)算機(jī)的最重要的用途是加入Internet.我們不需要離開家去從圖書館借用書或在超級市場做購物。

計(jì)算機(jī)幫助我們居住更加方便的生活。

Smiling

I think smiling is as important as sunshine.Smiling is like sunshine because it can make people happy and have a good day.If you aren’t happy, you can smile, and then you will feel happy.Someone may say, “But I don’t feel happy.” Then I would say, “Please smile as you do when you are happy or play with your friends happily.You will really be happy again.”

Smiling can let you have more friends.So I say, smiling is like a flower.It will give you happiness.微笑

我認(rèn)為微笑是一樣重要的象陽光。微笑是象陽光，因?yàn)樗赡苁谷擞淇旌陀幸粋€早晨好。如果您不是愉快的，您能微笑，您然后將感覺愉快。某人也許說，“但是我不感到愉快”。然后我會說，“請微笑，您，當(dāng)您愉快地是愉快或戲劇與您的朋友。您真正地再將是愉快的”。

微笑可能讓您有更多朋友。如此我說，微笑是象花。它將給您幸福。

Sunday

It was Sunday and I didn't have to go to school.I finished my homework the day before.So I decided to help mother do housework.I washed some clothes after I got up.Then I went shopping with a basket.I bought some meat, eggs and some vegetables in the market.After I came back, I started to cook dinner for the whole family.In the evening, I sat at the table and began to write down on my notebook what I had done during the day.星期天

它是星期天，并且我沒有必須去學(xué)校。我前一天完成了我的家庭作業(yè)。如此我決定幫助做家事。在我起來了之后，我洗了一些衣裳。然后我?guī)е@子去購物。我在市場上買了一些肉、蛋和有些菜。在我回來了之后，我開始為全家烹調(diào)晚餐。在晚上，我在我的筆記本寫下什么我白天做了什么。

春天：Spring

Spring is a delightful season.The temperatures are moderate, and the blooming trees and flowers make the city bright with colors.This is the time when we can begin to wear lighter and more brightly colored clothes and go outdoors more often.Smaller children like to bring their kites out to the spacious square.Also I enjoy going back to the village on this holiday after being in the city for the winter months.春天是個讓人欣喜的季節(jié).氣溫適中,掛滿綠葉的樹和盛開的花朵給城市增添了明亮的色彩.在這個時節(jié)里,我們可以穿上輕便靚麗的衣服經(jīng)常出門去了.小孩子們則喜歡在廣闊的天空中放風(fēng)箏.在城里呆了一個冬天之后,我也喜歡回到村子里度假.夏天：

Summer is the great season for all sports in the open air.It is the season for football which is often called the national sport because of its popularity.I usually watch television and read the newspaper reports about the football results of the little leagues.During the summer I like to go to the beach often because it is very close to my home.I usually go there during the summer vacation to relax after many months in school in the city.I feel very comfortable with the familiar quiet life of the villagers.夏天是戶外運(yùn)動最好的季節(jié).這是一個橄欖球的季節(jié),橄欖球由于廣受歡迎被稱為全民運(yùn)動.我常常看電視,看報(bào)紙,從報(bào)道中獲得小聯(lián)盟橄欖球賽的比賽結(jié)果.夏日里,我喜歡經(jīng)常去海灘,因?yàn)槟抢镫x我家不遠(yuǎn).在城里的學(xué)校呆了幾個月后,暑假我常常去那里放松一下.此處有我很熟悉的村民們的寧靜生活,這讓我倍感舒適.秋天：Autumn

For me the autumn or fall starts in September when school starts its new term.I usually do some shopping.The mild weather made it very nice to study outside under the trees in a small park close to my house.I like to look up the leaves changing colors from green to red and yellow, and then brown colors.The park also has many bright fall flowers;sometimes I see a small squirrel coming down from the tree to hunt for food on the ground.On the weekends, I sometimes like to fly my kite.Usually on the street corners you can see street peddlers selling warm baked sweet potatoes.This is a nice time of the year.我覺得秋天是在9月份新學(xué)期開始的時候來臨.我常常要去買一些東西.宜人的天氣讓我感覺在離家不遠(yuǎn)的小公園的樹下學(xué)習(xí)是件非常愜意的事.我喜歡抬起頭看蓍枝頭上的樹葉由綠變紅,變黃,然后再變褐.公園里還有許多鮮艷的秋花.有時我會見到小松鼠從樹上跳到地上覓食.在周末,我有時會去放風(fēng)箏.在街頭的拐角處,常常會有街頭小販在賣烤紅薯.秋天是一年中的好時節(jié).冬天：Winter Winter is very cold and windy in most parts of China.I usually look forward to the Spring Festival and the winter holiday when I can go to the south where the climate is warmer during these holidays.Also, I look forward to seeing my grandparents and my friends.Winter is the time everyone is in a festive mood.In the city, I usually do a lot of reading at home in the winter because of eh cold weather outside.中國大部分地區(qū)的冬天是即冷又有風(fēng)的。我總是盼望著春節(jié)或寒假，到時候我就可以去南方了，當(dāng)?shù)氐臍夂蛟谶@時會暖和的多。我也盼望著去探望我的祖父母和我的朋友。冬天，每個人都懷著喜慶的心情。在城里，冬天的時候我經(jīng)常待在家里盡情地看書，因?yàn)橥饷娴奶鞖夥浅５睦洹?/p>

How time flies ,It has past half an month since beginning of the summer holiday.As the weather getting hotter and hotter ,my parent and me go to the seaside.Last week we are go to the Xiamen.It's a beautiful city , bule sky and bule sea.The Xiamen is an island neal the Taiwan.From top of the Riguan rock we can see jinmen island.We spent a happy day in Xiamen.時間過的很快，從放暑假到現(xiàn)在已經(jīng)半個月了．

由于天氣越來越熱，我們?nèi)乙黄鸬胶＿叾燃?，上星期我們就到了廈門，那是一個很美麗的城市，有藍(lán)天大海，廈門是一個島嶼離臺灣島很近．從日光巖上面還可以看到金門島．

我們在廈門度過了一個很開心的假期．

我的媽媽

我的媽媽叫XX.她中等體格,中等身高..她不是非常漂亮,但在我心中卻很美麗.她愛笑,她同樣希望我也笑得燦爛..她很平凡,是一名人民教師.她從小就培養(yǎng)我堅(jiān)強(qiáng)的品格,教我做人的道理.她給我自由,讓我過上幸福的聲國，讓我擁有了一個快樂的童年.生活中的很多事情,她總是很寬容.我很感謝她,我永遠(yuǎn)都不會忘記,在她老的時候,好好照顧她.My mother<人教英語初一翻譯法＞

My mother is xx.She is of medium build and is of medium height(這是第七單元的最新語法）.She isn't very good-looking（用于修飾人，而beautiful大用于修飾物或動物）,but I think she is really very pretty（這不僅是漂亮，還有在心里的善良等好性情，也有聰明的意思）.She loves laughing(love to do sth.一般表示一段時間類喜歡做的事），and she also hopes I have the same bright smile．She is ordinary，(common雖普遍，但英語

中有粗俗的意思，容易引起異議）she's a teacher.She teaches me to be strong and teaches me how to be a true man from my yonth(這里指青年時代）.She let me free so I have a lovely life,and I remember I had a lovely childhood,too.She is always very good-tempered.I am thinkful to her for everything.I will never forget her.When she is old,I'll take good care of her.風(fēng)和太陽(The Wind And The Sun)

One day the wind said to the sun, “Look at that man walking along the road.I can get his cloak off more quickly than you can.”

“We will see about that,” said the sun.“I will let you try first.”

So the wind tried to make the man take off his cloak.He blew and blew, but the man only pulled his cloak more closely around himself.“I give up,” said the wind at last.“I cannot get his cloak off.” Then the sun tried.He shone as hard as he could.The man soon became hot and took off his cloak.(有一天風(fēng)跟太陽說: “看看那個沿著路上走的人.我可以比你快讓他把披風(fēng)脫下來.)(“我們等著看吧,”太陽說, “我讓你先試.)

(因此風(fēng)嘗試讓那個人把披風(fēng)脫下來.他用力地吹,可是那個人把披風(fēng)拉得更緊.)

(“我放棄了,”風(fēng)最后說, “我無法讓他把披風(fēng)脫下來.”然后由太陽試試看.他盡可能地曬他.不久,那個人很熱就把披風(fēng)脫下來了.)第一篇：THE NEWSPAPER 報(bào) 紙

Nowadays the newspaper possesses considerable value Everybody should read it.It supplies us with a variety of news every day.It tells us the political situation of the world.If we form the habit of reading the newspaper, we shall(will)get enough knowledge to cope with our circumstances.現(xiàn)今報(bào)紙擁有極大的價值，人人都應(yīng)該看它。它每天提供我們各種類類的消息。它告訴我們世界政治局勢。如果我們養(yǎng)成看報(bào)的習(xí)慣，我們就能得到足夠的知識來因應(yīng)我們的環(huán)境。學(xué)生雖然每天須做功課，但他們至少應(yīng)該勻出一兩個小時來看報(bào)。哪些，他們不但能增加知識而且也能趕上時代。總而言之，看報(bào)對學(xué)生很有益處。

------------------第二篇：MY DAILY LIFE 我的日常生活

Though my daily life is extremely monotonous, I try hard to adapt myself to it.Why? Because I intend to be a good student.I wish to render service to my country.I get up at six o’clock every day.After I wash my face and brush my teeth, I begin to review my lessons.I go to school at seven o’clock.After school is over, I return home.We usually have supper at seven o’clock.Then I begin to do my homework.I want to finish it before I go to bed.雖然我的日常生活十分單調(diào)，但我卻竭力設(shè)法去適應(yīng)它。為什么？因?yàn)槲掖蛩阕鲆粋€好學(xué)生，希望將來為國家服務(wù)。

我每天六點(diǎn)起床、洗臉?biāo)⒀篮螅烷_始復(fù)習(xí)功課，七點(diǎn)鐘我就去上學(xué)。

放學(xué)后，我就回家了。我們通常在七點(diǎn)鐘吃晚餐，之后我就開始做家庭作業(yè)，希望在睡覺前把它做完。

第三篇：A MODEL STUDENT 模范學(xué)生

Do you mind being called a bad student? Of course not.So far as I know, everybody intends to be(become)a model student.However, to be a model student is by no means an easy thing.First, he must do his best to obtain knowledge.A man without sufficient knowledge will not succeed.Secondly, he must remember to improve his health.Only a strong man can do great tasks.Thirdly, he should receive moral education.If his conduct is not good, no one will consider making friends with him.你價意被稱為壞學(xué)生嗎？當(dāng)然不。就我所知，每個人都打算做模范學(xué)生。

然而，做模范學(xué)生卻不容易。第一，他必須盡力獲得知識（求知）。一個沒有足夠知識的人是不會成功的。第二，他必須記住促進(jìn)健康。只有強(qiáng)壯的人才能做大事。第三，他應(yīng)該接受道德教育。如果他品行不好，沒有人會考慮和他交朋友的。

第四篇：HOW TO GET HAPPINESS 如何獲得快樂

There is no doubt that happiness is the most precious thing in the world.Without it, life will be empty and meaningless.If you wish to know how to get happiness, you must pay attention to the following two points.First, health is the secret of happiness(the key to happiness).Only a strong man can enjoy the pleasure of life.Secondly, happiness consists in contentment.A man who is dissatisfied with his present condition is always in distress.無疑的快樂是世界上最寶貴的東西。沒有它，人生將是空虛的而且毫無意義的。如果你希望知道如何獲得快樂，你須注意下面兩點(diǎn)。

健康是快樂的要訣。唯有身體強(qiáng)壯的人才能享受人生的樂趣。

快樂在于知足。一個不滿于現(xiàn)狀的人終是處在痛苦之中。

第五篇：BOOKS 書籍

As is well known, books teach us to learn life, truth, science and many other useful things.They increase our knowledge, broaden our minds and strengthen our character.In other words, they are our good teachers and wise friends.This is the reason why our parents always encourage us to read more books.Reading is a good thing, but we must pay great attention to the choice of books.It is true that we can derive benefits from good books.However, bad books will do us more harm than good.如眾所周知，書籍教我們學(xué)習(xí)人生，真理，科學(xué)以及其它許多有用的東西。它們增加我們的知識，擴(kuò)大我們的心胸并加強(qiáng)我們的品格。換句話說，它們是我們的良師益友。這是為什么我們的父母終是鼓勵我們要多讀書的理由。

讀書是一好事，但我們必須多加注意書的選擇。不錯，我們能從好書中獲得益處。然而，壞書卻對我們有害無益。

第六篇：A TRIP TO THE COUNTRY 鄉(xiāng)村游記

One Sunday my mother(Mother)had(made)me take my little young brother to the a trip to the country.She bade me take good care of him.While we were walking along the road, the sun was shining brightly and the breeze was blowing gently.We saw the beautiful flowers smile(smiling)at us and heard the

birds sing(singing)their sweet songs on the trees.The scenery was indeed very pretty(beautiful).When we felt tired, we returned home.We saw Mother(our mother)wait(waiting)for us at the door.有一個星期日，我母親叫我?guī)〉艿苋ムl(xiāng)村游歷。她吩咐我要好好照料他。

當(dāng)我們沿著道路行走的時候，太陽燦爛地照耀著，微風(fēng)輕輕地吹著。我們看見美麗的花兒對我們微笑著，并聽見鳥兒在樹上唱著悅耳的歌曲，風(fēng)景實(shí)十分美麗。

當(dāng)我們感覺到疲倦的時候，我們就回家了。我們看見母樣正在門口等候我們。

第七篇：BE PATRIOTIC 要愛國

It is the duty of every citizen to make the country rich and powerful(To make the country rich and strong is...).In order to accomplish this object one must be patriotic(love his country).I consider this an unchangeable truth.How can a student love his country(be patriotic)? I find my answer very simple and clear.He must study hard and store up knowledge so as to serve his(the)country in the future.If every student can do according to what I said, the country will certainly be rich and powerful.要使國家富強(qiáng)是每個公民的責(zé)任。為了達(dá)到此目的，必須愛國。我認(rèn)為這是一條不易的定理。

一個學(xué)生如何才能愛國呢？我發(fā)覺答復(fù)很簡單明了。他必須用功讀書并積儲知識以便將來服務(wù)國家。如果每個學(xué)生能按照我所說的去做，國家一定會富強(qiáng)。

第八篇：THE VALUE OF TIME 愛惜時光

An English proverb says that time is money.I consider it(this)wrong.Why? Because we all know that we can earn money be work but can not in any way get back time(in anyway).For this reason, we may(can)say that time is more valuable than money.Many people do not know the value of time.It(this)is indeed a great pity.We must bear(keep)in mind that wasting time is equal to wasting your life.英國有句諺語說，時間就是金錢。我認(rèn)為這是不對的。為什么？因?yàn)槲覀兇蠹叶贾牢覀兡軌蛴霉ぷ髻嶅X，但無論如何卻無法把時間爭取回來。基于此種理由，我們可以說時間比錢錢更寶貴。

許多人不知愛惜時光。這確實(shí)是可惜的。我們必須記住浪費(fèi)時間等于浪費(fèi)生命。

本文的題目叫Love Your Life 熱愛生活，希望大家會喜歡這篇英語小短文。

However mean your life is,meet it and live it;do not shun it and call it hard names.It is not so bad as you are.It looks poorest when you are richest.The fault-finder will find faults in paradise.Love your life,poor as it is.You may perhaps have some pleasant,thrilling,glorious hourss,even in a poor-house.The setting sun is reflected from the windows of the alms-house as brightly as from the rich man's abode;the snow melts before its door as early in the spring.I do not see but a quiet mind may live as contentedly there,and have as cheering thoughts,as in a palace.The town's poor seem to me often to live the most independent lives of any.May be they are simply great enough to receive without misgiving.Most think that they are above being supported by the town;but it often happens that they are not above supporting themselves by dishonest means.which should be more disreputable.Cultivate poverty

like a garden herb,like sage.Do not trouble yourself much to get new things,whether clothes or friends,Turn the old,return to them.Things do not change;we change.Sell your clothes and keep your thoughts.英語小短文譯文：不論你的生活如何卑賤，你要面對它生活，不要躲避它，更別用惡言咒罵它。它不像你那樣壞。你最富有的時候，倒是看似最窮。愛找缺點(diǎn)的人就是到天堂里也能找到缺點(diǎn)。你要愛你的生活，盡管它貧窮。甚至在一個濟(jì)貧院里，你也還有愉快、高興、光榮的時候。夕陽反射在濟(jì)貧院的窗上，像身在富戶人家窗上一樣光亮；在那門前，積雪同在早春融化。我只看到，一個從容的人，在哪里也像在皇宮中一樣，生活得心滿意足而富有愉快的思想。城鎮(zhèn)中的窮人，我看，倒往往是過著最獨(dú)立不羈的生活。也許因?yàn)樗麄兒軅ゴ螅允苤疅o愧。大多數(shù)人以為他們是超然的，不靠城鎮(zhèn)來支援他們；可是事實(shí)上他們是往往利用了不正當(dāng)?shù)氖侄蝸韺Ω渡?，他們是毫不超脫的，毋寧是不體面的。視貧窮如園中之花而像圣人一樣耕植它吧！不要找新的花樣，無論是新的朋友或新的衣服，來麻煩你自己。找舊的，回到那里去。萬物不變，是我們在變。你的衣服可以賣掉，但要保留你的思想。

第九篇：WHY SHOULD WE STUDY ENGLISH 為什么我們要學(xué)英文

If you want to ask me why we should study English, my answer will be simple and clear.Now let me enumerate the reasons one by one in the following.In the first place, English has become an international language.If you know English, you van make a trip round the world without being misunderstood.In the second place, most valuable books, newspapers and magazines are written in English.If you wish(hope)to get knowledge, you must learn English.如果你要問我們?yōu)槭裁次覀円獙W(xué)英文。我的答復(fù)很簡單明了?，F(xiàn)在讓我來把我的理由一一列舉在下面：

英文已成為一種國際語言。如果你通曉它，你可以環(huán)游世界不會被人誤解。

大多數(shù)有價值的書籍，報(bào)紙和雜志都是用英文寫的。如果你希望獲得知識，你必須學(xué)習(xí)英文。

第十篇：MY BIRTHDAY 我的生日

Yesterday was my birthday, so some of my classmates sent me presents.Mother prepared a tea party for me.I invited all of them to come and take part in it.The tea party began at half past six.There were cold drinks and refreshments.We ate, talked and laughed.We felt that we were the happiest men in the world.Time passed quickly.In a twinkling, the clock on the wall struck nine.We could not but say “Good-bye” to one another.昨天是我生日，所以有幾位我的同班同學(xué)送我禮。母親給我準(zhǔn)備一個茶會。我邀請他們都前來參加。

茶會下午六點(diǎn)半開始。有冷飲和點(diǎn)心。我們又吃又談又笑。我們覺得是世界上最快樂的人。時間過得很快。轉(zhuǎn)瞬間，墻上的鐘敲九點(diǎn)了。我們不得不互道再見。

本文的題目叫Love Your Life 熱愛生活，希望大家會喜歡這篇英語小短文。

However mean your life is,meet it and live it;do not shun it and call it hard names.It is

not so bad as you are.It looks poorest when you are richest.The fault-finder will find faults in paradise.Love your life,poor as it is.You may perhaps have some pleasant,thrilling,glorious hourss,even in a poor-house.The setting sun is reflected from the windows of the alms-house as brightly as from the rich man's abode;the snow melts before its door as early in the spring.I do not see but a quiet mind may live as contentedly there,and have as cheering thoughts,as in a palace.The town's poor seem to me often to live the most independent lives of any.May be they are simply great enough to receive without misgiving.Most think that they are above being supported by the town;but it often happens that they are not above supporting themselves by dishonest means.which should be more disreputable.Cultivate poverty like a garden herb,like sage.Do not trouble yourself much to get new things,whether clothes or friends,Turn the old,return to them.Things do not change;we change.Sell your clothes and keep your thoughts.英語小短文譯文：不論你的生活如何卑賤，你要面對它生活，不要躲避它，更別用惡言咒罵它。它不像你那樣壞。你最富有的時候，倒是看似最窮。愛找缺點(diǎn)的人就是到天堂里也能找到缺點(diǎn)。你要愛你的生活，盡管它貧窮。甚至在一個濟(jì)貧院里，你也還有愉快、高興、光榮的時候。夕陽反射在濟(jì)貧院的窗上，像身在富戶人家窗上一樣光亮；在那門前，積雪同在早春融化。我只看到，一個從容的人，在哪里也像在皇宮中一樣，生活得心滿意足而富有愉快的思想。城鎮(zhèn)中的窮人，我看，倒往往是過著最獨(dú)立不羈的生活。也許因?yàn)樗麄兒軅ゴ?，所以受之無愧。大多數(shù)人以為他們是超然的，不靠城鎮(zhèn)來支援他們；可是事實(shí)上他們是往往利用了不正當(dāng)?shù)氖侄蝸韺Ω渡睿麄兪呛敛怀摰?，毋寧是不體面的。視貧窮如園中之花而像圣人一樣耕植它吧！不要找新的花樣，無論是新的朋友或新的衣服，來麻煩你自己。找舊的，回到那里去。萬物不變，是我們在變。你的衣服可以賣掉，但要保留你的思想。

第三篇：英語小笑話 帶翻譯

One day a person meet god......God suddenly decide to give the man a wish......God asked......What wishes do you have......The man thinking......Heard that cats have9 lives......Would you please give me9 lives......God said......Your wish come true......One day, the boring...Want to say one death to die......There are9 life lying on the tracks......The results of a train in the past......The man was dead......Why is this?

Because the train compartment having10day......有個人一天碰到上帝......上帝突然大發(fā)善心打算給那人一個愿望......上帝問......你有什么愿望嗎......那個人想了想......聽說貓都有9條命......那請您賜給我9條命吧......上帝說......你的愿望實(shí)現(xiàn)咯......一天，那個人閑來無聊......想說去死一死算了......反正有9條命嘛 就躺在鐵軌上......結(jié)果一輛火車開過去......那人還是死了......這是為什么呢？

因?yàn)槟橇谢疖嚨能噹?0節(jié)......Music class the teacher played a Beethoven song

Xiao Ming asked her:“ do you understand music?”

Xiaohua:“ yes”

Xiao Ming:“ you know what teachers do in the shells?”

Xiaohua:“ piano.”

音樂課上 老師彈了一首貝多芬的曲子

小明問小華：“你懂音樂嗎？”

小華：“是的”

小明：“那你知道老師在彈什麼嗎？”

小華: “鋼琴。”

Traveler: Can I catch the three o'clock train to Toronto?

Ticket agent: That depends on how fast you can run.It left fifteen minutes ago.旅行者：我還能趕上3點(diǎn)鐘那班到多倫多的火車嗎？

售票員：那得看你跑得有多快?；疖?5分鐘前開出。

第四篇：英語演講稿帶翻譯笑話

we are the world ,we are the future someone said “we are reading the first verse of the first chapter of a book, whose pages are infinite”.i don’t know who wrote these words, but i’ve always liked them as a reminder that the future can be anything we want it to be.we are all in the position of the farmers.if we plant a good seed ,we reap a good harvest.if we plant nothing at all, we harvest nothing at all.we are young.“how to spend the youth?” it is a meaningful question.to answer it, first i have to ask “what do you understand by the word youth?” youth is not a time of life, it’s a state of mind.it’s not a matter of rosy cheeks, red lips or supple knees.it’s the matter of the will.it’s the freshness of the deep spring of life.a poet said “to see a world in a grain of sand, and a heaven in a wild flower, hold infinity in the palm of your hand, and eternity in an hour.several days ago, i had a chance to listen to a lecture.i learnt a lot there.i’d like to share it with all of you.let’s show our right palms.we can see three lines that show how our love.career and life is.i have a short line of life.what about yours? i wondered whether we could see our future in this way.well, let’s make a fist.where is our future? where is our love, career, and life? tell me.yeah, it is in our hands.it is held in ourselves.we all want the future to be better than the past.but the future can go better itself.don’t cry because it is over, smile because it happened.from the past, we’ve learnt that the life is tough, but we are tougher.we’ve learnt that we can’t choose how we feel, but we can choose what about it.failure doesn’t mean you don’t have it, it does mean you should do it in a different way.failure doesn’t mean you should give up, it does mean you must try harder.as what i said at the beginning, “we are reading the first verse of the first chapter of a book, whose pages are infinite”.the past has gone.nothing we do will change it.but the future is in front of us.believe that what we give to the world, the world will give to us.and from today on, let’s be the owners of ourselves, and speak out “we are the world, we are the future.”

世界是我們的，未來是我們的

一些人說“我們正在讀一本無窮的書中的第一章的第一節(jié)?！蔽也恢勒l寫了這些話，但是我一直很喜歡它，因?yàn)樗嵝蚜宋遥覀兡軌騽?chuàng)造我們想要的未來。我們都是農(nóng)夫。如果我們播下好的種子，我們將會豐收。如果我們的種子很差，有很多草籽，收割的將是無用的莊稼。如果我們什么也不播種，什么收獲也沒有。

我們是年輕的?！霸鯓佣冗^青春？”這是個有意義的問題。為了去回答它，我首先要問“從?青春?這個詞中你能理解到什么？” 青春不是人生的一個時期，而是精神的一種狀態(tài)。青春不是桃面、丹唇、柔膝，而是深沉的意志。青春是生命的深泉在涌流.一位詩人說“從一粒沙看世界，從一朵花看天堂，把無限放在你的手掌，永恒在一剎那里收藏”。幾天前，我有了一個聽講座的機(jī)會，從中我學(xué)到了很多東西?，F(xiàn)在，我想把這些與大家共享。讓我們伸出右手，我們可以看到手掌中的展示我們的愛，事業(yè)和生活的三條線。我在生活方面這條線很短，那你們的呢？我想知道我們是否可以用這種辦法去看我們的未來。好的，讓我們一起握拳。我們的未

來在哪兒？我們的愛、事業(yè)和生活在哪兒？告訴我！是的，它們就在我們的手中。它們被我們自己掌握著。

我們所有人都希望未來能比過去更美好，但是未來能自己變得更好。不要因?yàn)榻Y(jié)束而哭泣，微笑吧，為你的曾經(jīng)擁有。從過去來看，生活是艱苦的，但我們是更堅(jiān)強(qiáng)。我們知道我們不能選擇感覺，但是我們能選擇和它相關(guān)的東西。失敗并不意味著你不擁有成功，它只意味著你應(yīng)該用另一種方式去做這件事。失敗并不意味著你應(yīng)該放棄，只意味著你應(yīng)該更加努力。

正如我在前面所說的“我們正在讀一本無窮的書中的第一章的第一節(jié)?！边^去的已經(jīng)過去，無論我們無力改變，但是未來卻在我們前方。相信“我們給了世界什么，世界也將給我們”。并且從今天起，讓我們一起做我們自己的主人，一起大聲說出“世界是我們的，未來是我們的?！逼褐杏⑽挠哪葜v

幽默演講——調(diào)侃自己（中英對照））

演講者如何調(diào)侃自己

創(chuàng)新句子：你們或者睡覺，或者不睡，只要不打呼嚕，我就接著講。

幽默注釋：演講者講得太糟糕了，組織者哭得很傷心。

演講結(jié)束時，宴會主人感謝你從繁忙的日程中抽出時間來——你泰然自若，優(yōu)雅地點(diǎn)頭微笑著，心里非常清楚你日歷上唯一的事情就是就早餐后喝點(diǎn)咖啡。

poise is when you finish your speech and the toastmaster thanks you for taking time out of your busy schedule to be a part of their program---and you nod and smile graciously knowing full well that the only thing on your calendar is a little coffee from breakfast.幽默注釋：一些老干部退休后沒什么事干，有人請他參加一些活動，他還假裝很忙，好象推開了很多事才趕去似的。

過去我演講時常常會比較緊張，但那時我看到一條信息說如果你想象所有的觀眾都是裸體會有所幫助。此時此刻，我站在這里想象著觀眾都是裸體，真的起作用，我不再緊張了，但眼睛有些疲勞。

i used to get nervous when giving a speech but then i read that it helps to think of the entire audience as being naked.and so, at this very moment, i’m standing up here imagining every one in this audience as being naked.and it really works.i no suffer from nervousness.eyestrain.yes.幽默注釋：把觀眾想象成裸體，意思是我不怕你們，就不緊張了。

創(chuàng)新句子：大部分人站在講臺上都會有點(diǎn)兒緊張，我屬于少部分人，我非常緊張。

我本人不自負(fù)——我簡直不能告訴你們我是多么欽佩我這一點(diǎn)。personally, i have never been conceited---and i can’t tell you how much i admire myself for that.幽默句子：他因?yàn)樽约翰蛔载?fù)，所以變得非常驕傲。

創(chuàng)新句子：我一點(diǎn)兒都不自負(fù)，我希望別人也這么看我。

我先用簡單明了的英語演講，以后我再翻譯給律師聽。

let me put this into plain english.i’ll translate it for the lawyers later.幽默注釋：律師總喜歡用復(fù)雜的語言，簡單的話都聽不懂了。

創(chuàng)新句子：我的講話有三個版本，小學(xué)生版本，中學(xué)生版本，大學(xué)生版本，你是聽小學(xué)一年紀(jì)版的，還是小學(xué)二年紀(jì)版的？

如果你聽過這個故事，請不要打斷我，我就知道這一個故事。if you’ve already heard this story, please don’t stop me because it’s the only one i know.幽默注釋：就是你知道兩個故事，講故事前也可以這么說。

創(chuàng)新句子：我講個笑話，如果你們聽過，也希望裝做沒聽過，我也這樣照顧你們。

演講就象給草坪澆水，如果有四分之一的水滲下去你就滿意了。

making a speech is like watering a lawn.you’re satisfied if just a quarter of it sinks in.幽默注釋：有人打呼嚕，有人說話，都是正常的，有四分之一觀眾聽就不錯了。

幽默句子：即興演講的開場白。

創(chuàng)新句子：我不知道你們會不會喜歡我的演講，我不知道我要講點(diǎn)兒什么。

開始前我想告訴你們下面的演講已經(jīng)編輯成了電視節(jié)目，我現(xiàn)在少講20分鐘，我們能夠及時趕回家看2臺的節(jié)目。

before i begin, i want you to know that the following speech has been edited for television.i cut 20 minutes out of it so we could all get home in time for the game on channel 2.幽默注釋：放著現(xiàn)場不看，偏要回家在電視上看。

可能你們有些人知道我今晚出現(xiàn)在這里有兩個原因：第一個原因是你們的計(jì)劃委員會一直在設(shè)法尋找一個聰明、有趣、老練的演講者，——他們找到了。第二個原因是那個人病了，所以就打電話把我找來了。

幽默注釋：一開始好象在說自己很牛，其實(shí)就是個臨時替場。

創(chuàng)新句子：我認(rèn)為我演講很風(fēng)趣，可為什么沒人笑呢？

有人有舞臺恐懼癥，我沒有；舞臺不會怎么樣我，是觀眾快把我嚇?biāo)懒?！some people suffer from stage fright.i don’t.the stage doesn’t bother me at all.it’s the audience that scares the hell out of me!幽默注釋：stage fright舞臺恐懼癥，而不是舞臺嚇唬我。

我們每個人都希望能在某一時刻把時鐘撥回去。如果我能夠把時鐘撥回去 at one time or another, i think each of us has wished we could turn back the clock.i know if i could turn back the clock just 45 minutes, i’d be the happiest person in this room.because that’s when i left my speech on the kitchen table.幽默注釋：自己上臺前還在刻苦練習(xí)，演講稿落家里了，講錯了希望觀眾包涵。

我不想吹牛，但上次我演講時所有的觀眾都站了起來，他們再也沒有坐下，直到走到他們的汽車那兒。

i don’t want to brag, but the last time i did this it brought the audience to its feet.and they never sat down again until they reached their cars.幽默注釋：觀眾聽他演講，都站起來走了，他還在吹牛呢。

創(chuàng)新句子：我演講時用一種平緩的語速娓娓道來，觀眾睡得很香甜。

如果我有點(diǎn)兒猶豫，你們一定要原諒我，這是我第一次飯后演講——在賣當(dāng)勞里沖我的小孩兒喊叫除外。if i’m a little hesitant, you’ll have to excuse me.this is the first after-dinner speech i’ve ever made---except for yelling at my kids in mcdonald’s.幽默注釋：自嘲自己演講沒什么經(jīng)驗(yàn)。

創(chuàng)新句子：你可能知道我已經(jīng)養(yǎng)成了飯后演講的習(xí)慣。

我不習(xí)慣面對這么多觀眾演講，讓我鼓起勇氣的一件事情就是我在談?wù)撐易钕矚g的題目——我。

i’m not used to speaking to such a large audience.the one thing that gives me courage is that i’m speaking on my favorite subject---me.幽默注釋：電視上老是邀請一些名人在那兒大談自己，這些人開場可以這么說。

第五篇：簡單的英語笑話帶翻譯

Blonde's Appendicitis-金發(fā)美女的闌尾炎

A blonde has sharp pains in her side.The doctor examines her and says, “You have acute appendicitis.”

The blonde says, “That's sweet, doc, but I came here to get medical help.”

一個金發(fā)美女的腹部側(cè)面感到劇痛。醫(yī)生檢查之后告訴他：“你得了急性闌尾炎。（金發(fā)美女聽成acute 以為是a cute，一個可愛的闌尾炎）”

金發(fā)美女說：“您真貼心，醫(yī)生，但是我是來求醫(yī)的?！?/p>

Little Johnny...Finding Jesus 小強(qiáng)尼-尋找耶穌

A Sunday school teacher is concerned that his students might be a little confused about Jesus, so he asks his class, “Where is Jesus today?”Steven raises his hand and says, “He's in Heaven.”Mary answers, “He's in my heart.”Little Johnny waves his hand furiously and blurts out, “He's in our bathroom!”The surprised teacher asks Little Johnny how he knows this.“Well,” Little Johnny says, “every morning, my father gets up, bangs on the bathroom door and yells 'Jesus Christ, are you still in there?!'”一名主日學(xué)校的老師擔(dān)心他的學(xué)生們有可能對耶穌感到困惑，于是他問他的學(xué)生們：“耶穌今天在哪里？”斯蒂芬舉起他的手，說道：“他在天堂?！爆旣惢卮穑骸八谖倚睦?。”小強(qiáng)尼用力揮了揮手，脫口而出：“他在我們浴室里！”大吃一驚的老師問小強(qiáng)尼他怎么知道這個。“這個嘛，”小強(qiáng)尼說：“每天早上，我父親起床后，都會敲浴室的門喊著?基督-耶穌，你還在里面啊？?”

Little Johnny...Know It All 小強(qiáng)尼什么都知道

Little Johnny asks his mother her age.She replies, “Gentlemen don't ask ladies that question.”Johnny then asks his mother how much she weighs.Again his mother replies, “Gentlemen don't ask ladies that question.”The boy then asks, “Why did Daddy leave you?”To this, the mother says, “You shouldn't ask that,” and sends him to his room.On the way, Johnny trips over his mother's purse.When he picks it up, her driver's license falls out.Johnny runs back into the room.“I know all about you now.You are 36 years old, weigh 127 pounds and Daddy left you because you got an 'F' in sex!”小強(qiáng)尼問他母親的年齡是多少。她回答道：“紳士們是不會問女士們這個問題的?！庇谑菑?qiáng)尼問他母親她的體重是多少。他的母親再一次回答：“紳士們是不會問女士們這個問題的。”于是這孩紙問：“為什么爸爸離開了你？”對于這個問題，這位母親說：“你不應(yīng)該問這個問題?！比缓蟀阉突厮约旱姆块g。在走的時候，強(qiáng)尼被他母親的錢包絆倒。當(dāng)他把錢包撿起來的時候，她的駕照掉了出來。強(qiáng)尼跑回母親的房間說：“現(xiàn)在關(guān)于你的問題我都知道答案了。你36歲了，體重127磅，還有爸爸離開你的原因是因?yàn)槟阍趕ex上的考評是F！”（got an 'F' in sex，孩紙啊，你想歪了，那是“性別：女”啊……）

Little Johnny...Definite Definition 小強(qiáng)尼-肯定的定義

The preschool teacher says, “We're going to do vocabulary today.Who can use the word 'definitely' in a sentence?”Mary raises her hand and exclaims, “Me me me!”The teacher says, “Go ahead, what's the sentence?Mary replies, ”The sky is definitely blue.“"That's good, Mary,” says the teacher, “but the sky can also be gray or white.”Sam raises his hand and states, “Grass is definitely green.”The teacher says, “That's good, Sam, but grass can be brown, too.”Little Johnny raises his hand and asks, “Do farts have lumps in them?”

The teacher says, “No Johnny, why do you ask that?”Little Johnny replies, “Well, I definitely sh*t my pants.”幼兒園老師說：“我們今天要做詞匯題了。誰能在句子里運(yùn)用“肯定”這個詞？”瑪麗舉了手大聲說：“我我我！”老師說：“你說吧，什么句子？”瑪麗回答：“天空肯定是藍(lán)藍(lán)的?！薄盎卮鸬貌诲e，瑪麗”老師點(diǎn)評道：“但天空也可能是灰色或者白色的?！鄙侥放e手說道：“草地肯定是綠色的。”老師說：“回答得不錯，山姆，但是草地也可能是棕色的。”小強(qiáng)尼舉手問道：“屁會結(jié)成塊兒嗎？”老師說：“不會的，強(qiáng)尼，你為什么問這個問題？”小強(qiáng)尼回答：“好吧，我“肯定”大便在褲襠里了。”

經(jīng)同意轉(zhuǎn)載自：