第一篇：英文幽默故事[模版]

英文幽默故事：

There was a guy who went into a shop to buy a parrot.There werethree parrots in the shop.One was $5,000;another one, $10,000;and the third one, $30,000.The customer asked the owner, “How come this guy is $5,000? That?s so expensive for this kindof parrot.” The owner said, “Because I have trained him and he can talk.” So the customer asked him, “How about this guy? What can he do that makes him so expensive?” The owner said, “Well, apart from talking, he can also do some amusing actions,like dancing and so on.That?s why he?s so expensive.” Then the customer said, “How about the third one? What canhe do that makes him so expensive?” The owner of the shopsaid, “I don?t know.Normally, I have never heard him talk, nor dance, nor whistle, nor sing, nothing at all!But the other two call him ?The Boss.?”

老板最大 有個(gè)人到一間商店買(mǎi)鸚鵡。店里有三只鸚鵡，其中一只賣(mài)五千元，另一只賣(mài)一萬(wàn)元，還有一只賣(mài)三萬(wàn)元。顧客問(wèn)老板：「為什么這只要賣(mài)五千元？這個(gè)價(jià)錢(qián)對(duì)這種鸚鵡來(lái)說(shuō)太貴了！」老板說(shuō)：「因?yàn)槲矣杏?xùn)練他講話(huà)。」顧客又問(wèn)：「那這只呢？他會(huì)做什么？為什么要賣(mài)這么貴？」老板說(shuō)：「他除了會(huì)說(shuō)話(huà)之外，還會(huì)表演一些有趣的動(dòng)作，好比說(shuō)跳舞等等，所以才賣(mài)這么貴。」顧客接著又問(wèn)：「那第三只呢？他會(huì)做什么？為什么要賣(mài)這么貴？」老板說(shuō)：「我不知道。我從沒(méi)聽(tīng)過(guò)他講話(huà)、吹口哨或唱歌，也沒(méi)看過(guò)他跳舞，什么都沒(méi)有！不過(guò)另外兩只叫他：『老板！』」

Where is the egg? Teacher:Can you make a sentence with the word “egg”? Student:Yes.I ate a piece of cake yesterday.Teacher:Then where is the “egg“? Student:In the cake,Sir.雞蛋在哪里？

老師：你能用“雞蛋”一詞造句嗎？ 學(xué)生：可以。我昨天吃了一塊蛋糕。老師：“雞蛋”在哪？ 學(xué)生：在蛋糕里，先生

Tom is a little boy, and he is only seven years old.Once he goes to a cinema.It is the first time for him to do that.He buys a ticket and goes in.But after two or three minutes he comes out, and buys the second ticket and goes in again.After a few minutes he comes out again and buys the third ticket.Two or three minutes after that he comes out and asks for another ticket.But a girl asks him,“Why do you buy so many tickets? How many friends do you meet?” “No, I have no friends here, but a big woman always stops me at the door and cuts up my ticket.”

湯姆是個(gè)小孩，他才7歲。當(dāng)他去電影院的時(shí)候。那時(shí)他第一次去。他買(mǎi)了張票進(jìn)去了。但沒(méi)過(guò)兩三分鐘他就出來(lái)了，然后買(mǎi)了第二張票又進(jìn)去了。幾分鐘后他又出來(lái)買(mǎi)了第三張票。接著兩三分鐘后他又出來(lái)買(mǎi)票。一個(gè)女的問(wèn)她，“你為什么要買(mǎi)那么多票啊? 你見(jiàn)到了幾個(gè)朋友？” “沒(méi)有，我里面沒(méi)朋友，但是每當(dāng)我進(jìn)門(mén)的時(shí)候一位大的女人老把我的票給剪了”

Child:My uncle has 1000 men under him.Man:He is really somebody.What does do? Child:A maintenance man in a cemetery 他真是一個(gè)大人物

小孩：我叔叔下面有1000個(gè)人。

男人：他真是一個(gè)大人物。他是干什么的？ 小孩：墓地守墓人。

Teacher: Would Shakespeare be a great man if he were still alive today?

Student: Of course.He must be a great man, for so far nobody has lived to over 400 years.一名偉人

老師：如果莎士比亞還活著，他會(huì)是一名偉人嗎？

學(xué)生：當(dāng)然。因?yàn)榈侥壳盀橹?，還沒(méi)有人活到400多歲。

Mr.Smith: Waiter, there's a dead fly in my soup.Waiter: Yes, sir, I know---it's the heat that kills it.史密斯先生：服務(wù)員，我的湯里有一只死蒼蠅．

服務(wù)員：是的，先生，我知道了，它是被燙死的．

Son: Dad, give me a dime.Father: Son, don't you think you're getting too big to be forever begging for dimes? Son: I guess you're right, Dad, Give me a dollar, will you? 兒子：爸爸，給我一角錢(qián)。

父親：兒子，你不認(rèn)為你已經(jīng)長(zhǎng)大了，不該再老是一角一角地要錢(qián)了(該自立了)，不是嗎？

兒子：爸爸，我想你是對(duì)的，那給我一塊錢(qián)行嗎？

A little kid fell in love with another little kid, a school mate.Sometimes the kids think they fall in love when they have a crush on someone else in the class, when they?re eight or ten years old or something like that.So the eight-year-oldkid came back home and asked his father, “Father, is it expensive to be married?” And the father said, “Yes, son, it is very expensive.” So the son asked, “How much does it cost?” And the father said, “I don?t know, son.I?m still paying.”

有個(gè)小孩愛(ài)上了另一個(gè)小孩，對(duì)方是學(xué)校的同學(xué)。八歲或十歲左右的孩子有時(shí)會(huì)迷戀班上某個(gè)人，然后就以為自己戀愛(ài)了。因此這個(gè)八歲的小孩回家問(wèn)他爸爸：「爸爸，結(jié)婚很花錢(qián)嗎？」爸爸說(shuō)：「是啊，兒子，非?；ㄥX(qián)?！箖鹤佑謫?wèn)：「要花多少錢(qián)呢？」爸爸說(shuō)：「我不知道，兒子，我到現(xiàn)在還一直在付錢(qián)?。　?/p>

“Boy, why have you got cotton-wool in your ear? Is it infected?” “No, sir, but you said yesterday that everything you told me went in one ear and out the other , so I am trying to stop it.”

“孩子，你為什么用棉花塞住耳朵？它感染了嗎？”

“沒(méi)有，老師?？墒悄阕蛱煺f(shuō)你告訴我的知識(shí)都是一個(gè)耳朵里進(jìn)，一個(gè)耳朵里出，所以我要把它堵在里面。”

“I'm sorry，Madam，but I shall have to charge you twenty dollars for pulling your boy's tooth.”

“Twenty d ollars!Why，I understand you to say that you charged only four dollars for such work!”

“Yes，but this youngster yelled so terribly that he scared four other patients out of the office.”

“對(duì)不起，夫人，為您孩子拔牙我要收取20美元?！? “20美元！為什么？不是說(shuō)好只要4美元。”

“是的，但是你的孩子大喊大叫，把另外四個(gè)病人嚇跑了?！?/p>

TWO： Teacher：We all know that beat causes an object to expand an cold cauese it to contract.Now，can anyone give me a good example?

John：Well，in the summer the days are long，and in the winter the days are short.老師：我們都知道熱脹冷縮的道理?，F(xiàn)在，誰(shuí)給我舉個(gè)例子？

約翰：嗯，在夏天天都長(zhǎng)，在冬天天都短。

The lecturer on evolution had been going on for nearly two hours.then he started again, and said he:“Let me ask the evolutionist a question---if we had tails like a baboon, where are they?”

“I'll venture an answer, ” said an old lady.“We have worn them off sitting here so long.”.教進(jìn)化論的老師已經(jīng)滔滔不絕地講了快兩個(gè)小時(shí)，他的話(huà)題又來(lái)了：“讓我向進(jìn)化論者提個(gè)問(wèn)題——如果我們?cè)?jīng)像狒狒那樣長(zhǎng)著尾巴，那么現(xiàn)在尾巴到哪里去了？”

“我來(lái)試試看，”一位老太太說(shuō)。

“該是我們?cè)谶@里坐這么久把它們磨掉了吧?！?/p>

A man was going to the house of some rich person.As he went along the road, he saw a box of good apples at the side of the road.He said, “I do not want to eat those apples;for the rich man will give me much food;he will give me very nice food to eat.” Then he took the apples and threw them away into the dust.He went on and came to a river.The river had become very big;so he could not go over it.He waited for some time;then he said, “I cannot go to the rich man's house today, for I cannot get over the river.” He began to go home.He had eaten no food that day.He began to want food.He came to the apples, and he was glad to take them out of the dust and eat them.Do not throw good things away;you may be glad to have them at some other time.【譯文】 一個(gè)人正朝著一個(gè)富人的房子走去，當(dāng)他沿著路走時(shí)，在路的一邊他發(fā)現(xiàn)一箱好蘋(píng)果，他說(shuō)：“我不打算吃那些蘋(píng)果，因?yàn)楦蝗藭?huì)給我更多的食物，他會(huì)給我很好吃的東西?！比缓笏闷鹛O(píng)果，一把扔到土里去。他繼續(xù)走，來(lái)到河邊，河漲水了，因此，他到不了河對(duì)岸，他等了一會(huì)兒，然后他說(shuō)：“今天我去不了富人家了，因?yàn)槲也荒芏蛇^(guò)河?！?他開(kāi)始回家，那天他沒(méi)有吃東西。他就開(kāi)始去找吃的，他找到蘋(píng)果，很高興地把它們從塵土中翻出來(lái)吃了。不要把好東西扔掉，換個(gè)時(shí)候你會(huì)覺(jué)得它們大有用處。

A Good Boy

Little Robert asked his mother for two cents.“What did you do with the money I gave you yesterday?” “I gave it to a poor old woman,” he answered.“You're a good boy,” said the mother proudly.“Here are two cents more.But why are you so interested in the old woman?” “She is the one who sells the candy.”

好孩子

小羅伯特向媽媽要兩分錢(qián)。

“昨天給你的錢(qián)干什么了？”

“我給了一個(gè)可憐的老太婆，”他回答說(shuō)?！澳阏媸莻€(gè)好孩子，”媽媽驕傲地說(shuō)?！霸俳o你兩分錢(qián)。可你為什么對(duì)那位老太太那么感興趣呢？” “她是個(gè)賣(mài)糖果的。”

Drunk

One day, a father and his little son were going home.At this age, the boy was interested in all kinds of things and was always asking questions.Now, he asked, “What's the meaning of the word 'Drunk', dad?” “Well, my son,” his father replied, “l(fā)ook, there are standing two policemen.If I regard the two policemen as four then I am drunk.” “But, dad,” the boy said, “ there's only ONE policeman!”

醉酒

一天，父親與小兒子一塊兒回家。這個(gè)孩子正處于那種對(duì)什么事都很感興趣的年齡，老是有提不完的問(wèn)題。他向父親發(fā)問(wèn)道：“爸爸，?醉?字是什么意思？” “唔，孩子，”父親回答說(shuō)，“你瞧那兒站著兩個(gè)警察。如果我把他們看成了四個(gè)，那么我就算醉了。” “可是，爸爸，”孩子說(shuō)，“那兒只有一個(gè)警察呀！”

Sleeping Pills

Bob was having trouble getting to sleep at night.He went to see his doctor, who prescribed some extra-strong sleeping pills.Sunday night Bob took the pills, slept well and was awake before he heard the alarm.He took his time getting to the office, strolled in and said to his boss: “I didn't have a bit of trouble getting up this morning.” “That's fine,” roared the boss, “but where were you Monday and Tuesday?”

安眠藥

鮑勃晚上失眠。他去看醫(yī)生，醫(yī)生給他開(kāi)了一些強(qiáng)力安眠藥。

星期天晚上鮑勃吃了藥，睡得很好，在鬧鐘響之前就醒了過(guò)來(lái)。他到了辦公室，遛達(dá)進(jìn)去，對(duì)老板說(shuō)：“我今天早上起床一點(diǎn)麻煩都沒(méi)有?！? “好啊!”老板吼道，“那你星期一和星期二到哪兒去了？”

第二篇：英文幽默小故事12則

英文幽默小故事12則

How do you know that? Bob: My car doesn't have a speedometer.Rob: Then how do you know how fast you're going?

Bob: Well, when I'm driving at 15 miles an hour, the fenders rattle;at 25 miles an hour, the windows rattle;and at 30, the motor starts knocking-and that's as fast as it'll go.Sooner or later A thief with a long record was brought before the judge.Judge: Have you ever stolen things?

Thief: Oh, now and then.Judge: And where have you stolen these things?

Thief: Oh, here and there.Judge: Right.Lock him up, officer.Thief: Hey, when do I get out jail?

Judge: Oh, sooner or later.Chief is at the wedding A police stopped a motorist who was speeding on the street.“But officer,” the man said, “I can explain.”

“Just be quiet,” snapped the officer.“I'm going to put you in jail until the chief gets back.”

“But ,officer, I ….”

“I said to keep quiet!You are going to jail!”

A few hours later, the officer looked in on his prisoner and said, “You are lucky because the chief is at his daughter's wedding.He'll be in a good mood when he gets back.”

“Are you sure?” answered the man in the cell.“I'm the groom.”

Why he couldn't leave? There was a meeting with a large number of people.At first the speaker was very interesting, but as time went on, he became very boring.Finally when he was through, there was only one man sitting in the large room.The speaker walked up to the man and said, “Thank you for hearing me out when all the others left the room.”

“Oh!Don't mention it!” replied the man, “I cannot leave because I am the next speaker.”

A burglar 入室盜竊者

A man went to the police office wishing to speak with the burglar who had broken into his house the night before.“You will get your chance in court.” said the Desk Sergeant.“No, no, no.” said the man.“I want to know how he got into the house without waking my wife.I've been trying to do that for years.”

One more cake The old lady was delighted with the gift the boy had brought her.“I'll go round and see your mother tomorrow,” she said, “And I'll thank for this lovely pie.”

“Um, if you don't mind,” the boy said nervously, “could you thank her for two pies?”

Make Your Own Bed Farmer: If you want to spend the night here, you'll have to make your own bed.Traveling salesman: That's perfectly all right.Farmer: Here's a hammer and saw.Good night.What does DC stand for? What does DC stand for?

An American teacher asked one of her pupils, “What's the nation's capital?”

The reply was “Washington DC”

On being asked what the “DC” stood for, the pupils all answered：

“Dot com!”

A poor poet 一名可憐的詩(shī)人

Poet: I hope you've received the little volume of poems I sent you.Woman: Oh, yes.It's very nice.I wonder where I've put it?

Her son: It's under the leg of the table, Mom, to make it steady.A Second Language 第二語(yǔ)言

A cat and her four kittens ran into a large dog.When the kittens cowered, the cat let out a series of loud barks, scaring the dog away.Turning to her kittens, the cat said, “You see how important it is to know a second language.”

Accountant An accountant is having a hard time sleeping and goes to see his doctor.“Doctor, I just can't get to sleep at night.”

“Have you tried counting sheep? ”

“That's the problem.I make a mistake and spend three hours trying to find it.”

This is my seat It was a woman's first time on a plane.She boarded the plane and found herself a window seat.After she settled in, a man came over and insisted that she was in his seat.She ignored him and told him to go away.“Okay,” replied the man.“If that's the way you want it, you fly the plane.”

第三篇：螃蟹和媽媽英文幽默故事

“My child,” said a Crab to her son, “why do you walk so awkward? If you wish to make a good appearance, you should go straight forward, and not to one side as you do so constantly.”

“I do wish to make a good appearance, Mamma” said the young Crab;“and if you will show me how, I will try to walk straight forward.“

”Why, this is the way, of course,“ said the mother, as she started off to the right, ”No, this is the way,“ said she, as she made another attempt, to the left.The little Crab smiled.”When you learn to do it yourself, you can teach me," he said, and he went back to his play.“我的孩子，”螃蟹媽媽對(duì)兒子說(shuō)，“你怎么走起路來(lái)這么難看呢?要想看起來(lái)像模像樣,你就應(yīng)該徑直朝前走，而不是像你一樣總是朝一邊走。”

“我真希望能像模像樣,媽媽.”小螃蟹說(shuō)，”如果你能教我怎么做，我就會(huì)努力之朝前走.”

“哎呀，當(dāng)然了，就是這樣!”媽媽說(shuō)著，一邊就開(kāi)始朝右邊走。

“不，是這樣的啦!”她說(shuō)，一邊又朝左邊來(lái)。

螃蟹笑了，說(shuō)：“等你自己學(xué)會(huì)了再來(lái)教我吧!”然后，他就回去玩了。

第四篇：英文幽默

英文幽默：爆笑學(xué)英語(yǔ)

1：某次英文考試有兩道題目：

（1）我穿上外套，卻發(fā)現(xiàn)第一個(gè)扣子掉了。（2）他聽(tīng)見(jiàn)電話(huà)鈴響，就過(guò)去接了電話(huà)。正確答案應(yīng)為：

（1）I put on my coat and found its first button was gone.（2）As soon as he heard the phone ringing, he went to pick it up.但是某生的答案是：

（1）Shit!（2）Hello? 2：老師在黑板上寫(xiě)了一句：Time is money.并讓同學(xué)們翻譯。有名學(xué)生答道：“湯姆是瑪麗。”

小明上英文課時(shí)跟老師說(shuō)：May I go to the toilet? 老師說(shuō)：Go ahead.小明就坐了下來(lái)。過(guò)了一會(huì)兒，小明又跟老師說(shuō)：May I go to the toilet? 老師說(shuō)：Go ahead.小明又坐了下來(lái)。他旁邊的同學(xué)于是忍不住問(wèn)：你不是跟老師說(shuō)要上廁所嗎？怎么不去？小明說(shuō)：你沒(méi)聽(tīng)老師說(shuō)「去你個(gè)頭」啊!3：某日劉洪濤遇到外賓，上前搭話(huà)曰：I am hongtao liu，外賓曰：我他媽還是方片七呢！

江青會(huì)見(jiàn)外賓，要求翻譯要嚴(yán)格按她的意思翻，不許走樣。外賓一見(jiàn)到江青，立刻拍馬屁道：“Miss Jiang, you are very beautiful.“翻譯照翻，江青心花怒放，嘴上還要謙虛一下：“哪里，哪里”。翻譯不敢怠慢，把江青的話(huà)翻成英文：

“Where? Where?

外賓一愣，還有這樣的人，追問(wèn)哪里漂亮的，干脆馬屁拍到底：“Everywhere,everywhere.“翻譯：“你到處都很漂亮。”江青更高興了，但總是要客氣一下：“不見(jiàn)得，不見(jiàn)得”。

翻譯趕緊翻成英文：“You are not allowed to see, you are not allowed to see.“

4：話(huà)說(shuō)某年某月的某一天，叁個(gè)神箭手約在一起比箭，目標(biāo)是十尺外仆人頭上的蘋(píng)果。

A神箭手挽弓長(zhǎng)射，咻一聲，利箭正中蘋(píng)果。A高傲的昂起下巴，比出一根大拇指道：「I AM 后羿！」 B神箭手照本宣科，射中蘋(píng)果，這回他自大的喊了一句：「I AM 丘比特！」

輪到C了，他也挽弓，利箭射出！結(jié)果正中仆人的心臟。就聽(tīng)他結(jié)結(jié)巴巴好久才吐出句：「I...I...I...AM...SORRY...」

5：一對(duì)熱戀中的男女。女生非常沒(méi)有安全感，于是對(duì)著男友說(shuō)：“SAY ?I LOVE YOU！?SAY IT!SAY IT!SAY IT!” 男的答道：“IT!”

6：一位在美的留學(xué)生，想要考國(guó)際駕照。在考試時(shí)因?yàn)檫^(guò)于緊張，看到地上標(biāo)線(xiàn)是向左轉(zhuǎn)。他不放心的問(wèn)道:turn left？監(jiān)考官回答: right.于是他立刻向右轉(zhuǎn)……

7：某人刻苦學(xué)習(xí)英語(yǔ)，終有小成。一日上街不慎與一老外相撞，忙說(shuō)：I am sorry.老外應(yīng)道：I am sorry too.某人聽(tīng)后又道：I am sorry three.老外不解，問(wèn)：What are you sorry for? 某人無(wú)奈，道：I am sorry five.8：某男，亦粗通英文，至使館，有表要填，有一欄是：Sex，該男思之久已，毅然下筆：“Once a week”。

簽證官觀后暴笑，曰：“This item should be filled in with male or female.” 該男頓時(shí)赧顏，思之，填下“female”，官楞之，曰：“shouldn’t it be male?”男急釋曰：“I am a normal man, so I have sex with female.9：上初一的時(shí)候，英語(yǔ)老師讓我們讀課文，恰好是一段對(duì)話(huà)，于是叫了一男一女兩個(gè)同學(xué)來(lái)讀。

男：What time is it now? 女：It’s nine.男：Let’s go to bed.女：We go to bed at nine.全班絕倒。

10：一次為一個(gè)初中小孩搞家教，在其英語(yǔ)課本上發(fā)現(xiàn)如下恐怖字眼：爸死（bus）爺死(yes)哥死（girls）妹死（Mis）……死光（school）

第五篇：適合高一的英文幽默故事

1、一個(gè)女生前一天晚上得到男朋友的訂婚戒指,但竟沒(méi)有一個(gè)同學(xué)注意到,令她忿忿不平.到下午大家坐著談天的時(shí)候,她突然站起來(lái)大聲說(shuō)：“哎呀,這里真熱呀,我看我還是把戒指脫下來(lái)吧.”

1.the night before, a girl get boyfriend engagement ring, but no one noticed the classmate, make her antics.You sit and chat in the afternoon, she suddenly stood up and shouted: “oh, it's really hot in here, I think I'd better take off your ring.2、女主人把女傭叫到面前問(wèn)她：“你是否懷孕了?”

“是啊!”女傭回道.“虧你還說(shuō)得出口,你還沒(méi)有結(jié)婚,難道不覺(jué)得害羞嗎?”女主人再次訓(xùn).“我為什么要害羞,女主人你自己不也懷孕了嗎?” “可是我懷的是我丈夫的!”女主人生氣地反駁.“我也是啊!”女傭高興地附和.2, the mistress called the maid to ask her: ”are you pregnant?“ ”Yes!“ The maid answered.Export ”kui you still say, you are not married, don't you feel shy?“ The hostess training again.”Why should I be shy, you don't the hostess also pregnant?“ ”But I conceive is my husband!“ The hostess retorted angrily.”Me too!“ The maid happy to echo.3、一個(gè)人騎摩托車(chē)喜歡反穿衣服,就是把口子在后面扣上,可以擋風(fēng).一天他酒后駕駛, 翻了,一頭栽在路旁.警察趕到：

警察甲：好嚴(yán)重的車(chē)禍.警察乙：是啊,腦袋都撞到后面去了.警察甲：嗯,還有呼吸,我們幫他把頭轉(zhuǎn)回來(lái)吧.警察乙：好.一、二使勁,轉(zhuǎn)回來(lái)了.警察甲：嗯,沒(méi)有呼吸了.3, a man riding a motorcycle like the dress, is to cut on the back, can the wind.Drunk driving one day, he turned over, a planted on the road.Police: police a: a good serious car accident.Policeman b: yes, his head hit the back.Po1: well, still breathing, let's help him turn his head back.Po2: good...One, two, turn back.Policeman a: well, not breathing...4、在一條七拐八拐的鄉(xiāng)村公路上,因?yàn)闀r(shí)常發(fā)生車(chē)禍,所以常常有一些鬼故事發(fā)生,有一天晚上,有一個(gè)出租車(chē)司機(jī)看見(jiàn)路邊有一個(gè)長(zhǎng)發(fā)披肩,身著白衣的女人向他招手,因?yàn)檫@個(gè)司機(jī)沒(méi)有見(jiàn)過(guò)鬼,所以大膽的停下來(lái)讓她上車(chē)了,這一路上,司機(jī)雖然不信有鬼,心里也毛毛的,所以時(shí)常從后視鏡看后面的女人,開(kāi)著開(kāi)著,突然司機(jī)發(fā)現(xiàn)那個(gè)女人不見(jiàn)了!司機(jī)嚇了一大跳,趕緊踩了一個(gè)剎車(chē)!只見(jiàn)那個(gè)女人滿(mǎn)臉是血,表情猙獰.司機(jī)嚇的牙直打顫.突然那女人開(kāi)口了：“你會(huì)不會(huì)開(kāi)車(chē)啊!我低頭系個(gè)鞋帶你突然一剎車(chē)我把鼻子都撞破了……”

4, turn in a curvy country road, because often in a car accident, so often have some ghost story, one night, there's a taxi driver saw the side of the road have a long hair shawls, dressed in a white woman waved to him, because the driver didn't see a ghost, so bold stopped to let her get on the bus, along the way, the driver doesn't believe in ghosts, the in the mind also maomao, so often the woman behind the rearview mirror to see, open open, the driver found the woman suddenly disappeared!The driver startled, hurriedly stepped on a brake!I saw the woman face is blood, grim expression.The driver frighten of teeth chatter.Suddenly the woman spoke: ”would you drive!I bow to fasten shoelaces are you smashed through a sudden brake my nose...“

5、一個(gè)病人去看病,醫(yī)生檢查了他,皺著眉頭說(shuō)：“您病得太嚴(yán)重了,恐怕不會(huì)活多久了.” 病人：“求您告訴我我還能活多久?” 醫(yī)生：“十……” 病人著急地問(wèn)：“十什么?十年?十個(gè)月?十天?” 醫(yī)生：“十,九,八,七,六,五……”

5, a patient to see a doctor, the doctor examined him, frowning said: ”you too serious ill, I'm afraid I won't live much longer.“ Patient: ”please tell me how long will I live?“ Doctor: ”ten...“ Patient anxiously asked: ”what? Ten years? Ten months? Ten days?“ Doctor: ”ten, nine, eight, seven, six, five...“

6、老師：“你能說(shuō)一些18世紀(jì)科學(xué)家共同特點(diǎn)嗎?”

學(xué)生：“能,他們都死了.”

6, teacher: ”can you say some 18 th-century scientists common characteristics?“ Student: ”yes, they are all dead.“

7、犀糞蜣和蚊子談戀愛(ài),蜣問(wèn)蚊子是做什么工作的,蚊子說(shuō)：“護(hù)士,打針的.”蜣一拍大腿：“緣分吶,我是中藥局搓藥丸的…”

7.rhino poop Qiang and mosquito fall in love, Qiang asked a mosquito is to do what work, the mosquito said: ”nurse, give or take an injection.“ Qiang a clap a thigh: ”the fate, I am a traditional Chinese medicine bureau rub pills...“

8、一非洲人住在某一賓館.夜半,起火,不明原因.非洲人見(jiàn)狀顧不了那么許多,光著身子就跑出去了.消防員見(jiàn)狀驚呼：“我的媽呀!都燒的糊了吧區(qū)的了還能跑那么快!”

8, the africans live in a hotel.In the midnight, a fire, unknown reason.Before rushing so many africans, naked and ran out.Firefighters said exclaimed: ”my mama ah!All paste the burned area can run so fast!“

9、一個(gè)人想出國(guó)考察,但必須得到老總批準(zhǔn).于是他向老總請(qǐng)示,老總給了他一張字條,上面寫(xiě)著：“Go ahead”.那人想：“Go ahead=前進(jìn),老總是批準(zhǔn)了.”于是他開(kāi)始打點(diǎn)行李.一個(gè)同事見(jiàn)到了他問(wèn)：“你在做什啊?”他說(shuō)：“我準(zhǔn)備出國(guó)考察,老總批準(zhǔn)了,給我寫(xiě)了?Go ahead?.” 同事一見(jiàn)條就樂(lè)了：“咱們老總根本就沒(méi)批準(zhǔn)!咱老總的英語(yǔ)水平你還不知道,他這是在說(shuō)去個(gè)頭!”

9, a person wants to go abroad, but it must be approved by boss.So he to the manager for instructions, the boss gave him a note, it read: ”Go ahead“.The man thought, ”Go ahead = progress, boss is approved.“ So he started to packing.A colleague to see he asked: ”what are you doing?“ He said: ”I'm ready to Go abroad investigation, boss approved, wrote me 'Go ahead'.“ Colleague of joy at the sight of article: ”let's boss haven't approved!Our boss English don't you know, he is said to head!“

10、牧師對(duì)買(mǎi)了他馬和馬車(chē)的農(nóng)夫說(shuō)：“這匹馬只能聽(tīng)懂教會(huì)的語(yǔ)言,叫”感謝上帝“它就跑;叫”贊美上帝“它才停下.”農(nóng)夫?qū)⑿艑⒁?他試著喊了一聲感謝上帝,那匹馬立刻飛奔起來(lái),越跑越快.一只跑到懸崖邊上驚恐的農(nóng)夫才想起讓它停下來(lái)的口令“贊美上帝”.果然,馬停下來(lái)了.死里逃生的農(nóng)夫長(zhǎng)出一口氣：“感謝上帝………”

10, priests to buy his horse and carriage of the farmer said, ”this horse can only understand the language of the church, call“ thank god ”it ran;called“ praise god ”it didn't stop.“ Farmer track, he tried to thank god gave a cry, the horse gallop, immediately ran faster and faster.A run to the edge of the cliff frightened farmer remembered that let it stop password ”praise god“.Sure enough, the horse stopped.Close the farmer grows a sigh: ”thank god."