第一篇：搞笑短劇劇本

《茶葉蛋與愛(ài)情》

第一幕

在那個(gè)炎熱而充滿激情的夏天，經(jīng)過(guò)無(wú)數(shù)次課間的小紙條，郭建國(guó)終于和李阿芳在一起了。

經(jīng)歷了六月高考后，阿芳迎來(lái)了她的錄取通知書(shū)，而建國(guó)也...落榜了，于是他們不得不面臨分隔兩地，這一天郭建國(guó)送李阿芳去她夢(mèng)想中的高等學(xué)府“湖南財(cái)政經(jīng)濟(jì)學(xué)院”。

李阿芳：國(guó)，我就要去讀大學(xué)了，你在磚廠要好好干，我畢業(yè)了就嫁你。

郭建國(guó)：芳，你放心，我不會(huì)辜負(fù)你的期望的，等你回來(lái)了我就一定是這旮旯最大磚廠的老板了，到時(shí)我會(huì)調(diào)八輛拖拉機(jī)去娶你的。

李阿芳：國(guó)，我選你。

郭建國(guó)：芳，我也選你。

進(jìn)入大學(xué)，阿芳和劉思思分到一個(gè)寢室，對(duì)于這個(gè)地道的本地人，阿芳感到深深的自卑，雖然陌生的人陌生的城市，但是阿芳并不孤單，她和她的建國(guó)哥每天都要打一通電話。這天郭建國(guó)打來(lái)了電話。

李阿芳：國(guó)，城里人真的好奇怪，就一大鍋菜硬是被他們整成了火鍋，一點(diǎn)青菜豆腐賣(mài)的那么貴。我覺(jué)得那會(huì)高中你揣在兜里的地瓜最香了。

郭建國(guó)：芳，你別整城里人那套，不要學(xué)壞了。

李阿芳：我知道，你好好干，不說(shuō)了，話費(fèi)老貴了。

郭建國(guó)：芳，我選你。

李阿芳：我也選你。

劉思思：你和誰(shuí)打電話呢？

李阿芳：我男朋友。

劉思思：你就有男朋友了，真快啊。

李阿芳：我們高中就在一起了，他對(duì)我特好。

劉思思：他在哪個(gè)學(xué)校讀書(shū)??？

李阿芳：哪能，現(xiàn)在已經(jīng)在工作了呢。

劉思思：工作了？他做什么的？

李阿芳：就...就....那個(gè)，幫別人工作唄，具體我也不清楚。我下去吃飯了。劉思思：等一下，我和你一起下去嘛，那個(gè)，聽(tīng)說(shuō)最近隔壁班的周帥富對(duì)你蠻殷勤的，你要小心點(diǎn)啊，他這個(gè)人仗著有點(diǎn)小錢(qián)不知道勾搭過(guò)多少女孩子了，再說(shuō)你不是有男朋友嗎，就不要和他弄得太曖昧了

李阿芳：我知道的啦，我又不是那種貪慕虛榮的女孩子

第二幕

幾天后（阿芳在宿舍興高采烈的哼著歌）

劉思思：阿芳，你現(xiàn)在和周帥富怎么回事啊，白天眉來(lái)眼去晚上電話不斷的 李阿芳：額，我覺(jué)得我現(xiàn)在對(duì)他有感覺(jué)了

劉思思：不要開(kāi)玩笑了，他這人就沒(méi)認(rèn)真過(guò)

李阿芳：說(shuō)不定這次就認(rèn)真了呢

劉思思：你看上他哪里了啊，除了有點(diǎn)錢(qián)哪里就吸引你了

李阿芳：人家可是個(gè)高富帥呢

劉思思：你男朋友怎么辦？

李阿芳：我愿意坐在寶馬車(chē)?yán)锟抟膊幌朐谧孕熊?chē)上笑

劉思思：唉，過(guò)得開(kāi)心快樂(lè)不就好了嘛

李阿芳：沒(méi)錢(qián)哪來(lái)的快樂(lè)

劉思思：你高興就好吧

李阿芳：恩恩

這一天阿芳又接到周帥富的電話

阿芳：喂

周：阿芳，是我阿芳：恩恩，我知道

周：周末有事么

阿芳：周末哦，我想想啊

周：帶你去吃茶葉蛋

阿芳：茶葉蛋好貴啊，歐巴，我們還是不要去吃茶葉蛋了啦

周：沒(méi)事，天空飄來(lái)五個(gè)字，錢(qián)就不是事兒

阿芳：kdie

這時(shí)接到男友電話

阿芳：喂

郭：阿芳，你在干嘛呢？

阿芳：還能干嗎，在寢室唄

郭：哦，那也好那也好，我跟你說(shuō)啊，我今天搬了十拖拉機(jī)的磚，賺了五十幾塊錢(qián)呢，過(guò)幾天就發(fā)工資了，到時(shí)我又可以寄錢(qián)你了，你上次不是看中了那條38塊的裙子么，你去買(mǎi)回來(lái)啊，你要多吃點(diǎn)······

阿芳：哎呀，行了行了知道啦（嘀咕：50塊還不夠人家吃個(gè)茶葉蛋呢）

在吃完茶葉蛋后

周：有男朋友么

阿芳：男朋友哦，人家還沒(méi)有唉

周：那做我女朋友吧

阿芳：kdie

在光棍節(jié)前一天，阿芳提前給郭建國(guó)發(fā)了一短信

“國(guó)，提前祝你光棍節(jié)快樂(lè)”

“我不是有你么”

“在發(fā)這條短信的時(shí)候就不是了”

“我們不是好好的么，昨天我媽媽還問(wèn)起你了呢，說(shuō)等你畢業(yè)了就把家里那三間茅草屋給我做新房，我爸爸的單車(chē)也給我，咱們有房有車(chē)了你咋還不要俺了呢” “不是因?yàn)槟銢](méi)錢(qián)，你別想多了，不是因?yàn)殄X(qián)”

“我沒(méi)說(shuō)錢(qián)啊”

“說(shuō)了不是錢(qián)”

“額，你還敢再明顯點(diǎn)么”

“國(guó)，我要的是一個(gè)高富帥，你卻注定是一個(gè)屌絲，懷念十個(gè)月零三天八小時(shí)所有的美好時(shí)光，很遺憾，放開(kāi)我———是你唯一能我做的，希望以后的你是快樂(lè)的，我的高中男生”

“咋還整上李亞鵬那套了，不就是分手么，我知道了，劈腿雖易，享受不易，且行其珍惜??！”

從此以后，阿芳和周帥富過(guò)上了想象中的生活

一開(kāi)始他們是這樣的周：帶你去泡吧吧

阿芳：kdie，歐巴

周：帶你去世界之窗玩玩？

阿芳：kdie，歐巴

周：買(mǎi)衣服化妝品

阿芳：kdie,歐巴

周：香港迪斯尼走走？

阿芳：kdie，歐巴

然后他們是這樣的阿芳：國(guó)，我好想你，你在干嘛呢

周：玩游戲呢，等會(huì)再說(shuō)

阿芳：今天肚子好疼，都沒(méi)去上課

周：那今天晚上自助餐還去不去了

阿芳：額

阿芳：你到底愛(ài)我嗎

周：干嘛整這套，且行且珍惜

阿芳:我們以后會(huì)結(jié)婚嗎

周：你俗不俗，戀愛(ài)這么神圣的事都讓你整俗了

第三幕

而在和阿芳分手后，郭建國(guó)在磚廠做事越來(lái)越?jīng)]有動(dòng)力，他總是想起曾經(jīng)和李阿芳的山盟海誓，而一想到李阿芳他的小心臟就一陣陣的抽的疼，他覺(jué)得他的感情和自尊被阿芳無(wú)情的碾壓了，而且在碾壓后還被分袋封裝丟棄的到處都是，他再也受不了，他決定去找阿芳理論。（他在寢室下面攔住了剛和劉思思逛完街回來(lái)的阿芳）

郭建國(guó)：阿芳····

李阿芳：你怎么又來(lái)了？

郭建國(guó)：阿芳，為什么？為什么？為什么？你真的不愛(ài)我了嗎？你忘記當(dāng)年在幽幽谷我們?cè)S下的諾言嗎？山無(wú)棱，天地合.....李阿芳：乃敢與君絕。

郭建國(guó)：看，你還記得。

李阿芳：誰(shuí)還沒(méi)看過(guò)十幾遍的還珠格格啊，你果然還是太天真了。

這時(shí)周帥富的電話來(lái)了

李阿芳：obba，有事嗎？

周帥富：今晚7點(diǎn)7天見(jiàn)。

李阿芳：啊？什么？7天見(jiàn)？

周帥富：對(duì)，不見(jiàn)不散。（掛電話）

李阿芳：那個(gè)，那個(gè)，喂....郭建國(guó)：你居然還跟人去7天？

李阿芳：我沒(méi)有。

郭建國(guó)：（盯著李阿芳）

李阿芳：我沒(méi)有！

郭建國(guó)：你說(shuō)你的節(jié)操去哪了？

李阿芳：節(jié)操在這呢！

郭建國(guó)：你看看你現(xiàn)在的樣子，lv的包，迪奧的鞋，手里還一土豪金，跟人講話那得瑟?jiǎng)?，這還是那同桌的你嗎？曾經(jīng)的你可愛(ài)，善良，撒起嬌來(lái)像小貓一樣，現(xiàn)在小貓咋長(zhǎng)成山大王了呢，你基因變異了嗎！還一口一句的泡菜腔，你是吃多了紫菜包飯嗎？棒子國(guó)那些錐子臉們就沒(méi)有扎醒你嗎？對(duì)，我沒(méi)有錢(qián)，我只是沒(méi)有錢(qián)??！

李阿芳：難道我離開(kāi)你選擇他只是為了錢(qián)嗎？對(duì)，我就為了錢(qián)。Kdie,為了錢(qián)。我現(xiàn)在去逛街，再也不用擔(dān)心買(mǎi)不起衣服，可是之前看中的幾十塊的裙子卻再也找不到了；去世界之窗，我卻想起了之前我們?cè)谛『永镒紧~(yú)的日子；買(mǎi)化妝品，可是我卻認(rèn)不出我自己了。我再也不用為錢(qián)發(fā)愁，可是，卻失去了男朋友應(yīng)有的對(duì)我的關(guān)心和珍惜。可即便這樣，錢(qián)也從來(lái)都不屬于我，我用他的錢(qián)買(mǎi)了一大堆堆砌我外在美麗的附屬品，可是我卻在也不是原來(lái)的我，在我選擇和你分手的時(shí)候我就丟掉了我自己，丟掉了自尊，丟掉了快樂(lè)。

郭建國(guó)：阿芳，回來(lái)吧，我一直在這里。

獻(xiàn)給所有

曾經(jīng)逝去 正在擁有 即將發(fā)生

卻從未離開(kāi)過(guò)我們的——愛(ài)情

第二篇：英語(yǔ)搞笑短劇劇本

三打白骨精

Three Times’ Beating Monster

人物：T唐僧S：孫悟空 E：豬八戒

J：沙僧

B：白骨精（何平）B1：B變成的村姑 B2：B變成的太婆B3：B變化成的老頭 T: Emitofo, do you know where we are now? S: Bajie, map!E:(摸出，遞給S)S: Look, boss(湊近T)………（T、S一齊轉(zhuǎn)向E）

T: Bajie!How Many times I have told you, don’t bring these pictures of beautiful girls!E: Oh, boss!Forgive me(伸手拿回)T:(縮手)I’ll keep it for you until we reach the west E: But……

T: Emitofo, nothing is lust, lust is nothing!Map? E:(遞)Here.Em…… we have arrived in White Tiger Mountain!Ah I can’t walk on any more!(坐)My stomach doesn’t allow So.S: Fat Pig!E: Monkey,if you dare to say these two words once again, I will ,I will……….S: You will what(兇相)? E:(軟禁)I will help you catch fleas(跳蚤).S: Hm!

T:（輕咳）Wukong,factually,I am a bit hungry Could you go to get me some food? E: You see , boss is hungry,too!T: Baijie!Don’t forget who ate my last meal!

J: But boss,if a monster comes while brother monkey is away…..T: Em…….It is a problem.Wukong,do you have any idea? S: No problem!(安裝)（B已躲在一旁偷看）J: This is…..?

S: Electric net!I have learnt the energy of electricity from boss’s books.So I made this.No monster can approach you if you stay in it!T: Em……Wukong, you are becoming more and more scientific!Emitofo, knowledge is power!S: Bye!(走)T: Let’s play cards!(三人開(kāi)始打牌)音樂(lè)《斗地主》 B: Hm!Hm!Electric net?You are too childish.(變成B1)B1:(接近三人，望著)Can I join you? J: I’m sorry,lady.We are playing Fighting Against landowner and three people are enough.B1:(在一旁觀看)Oh,Chance!Bomb!T: Bomb?(打出)B1: Double King!T: Oh….I win!Em……,Lady, you are a boss-hand.Come in and teach me!(準(zhǔn)備

開(kāi)電網(wǎng)門(mén))S:(回來(lái)，看見(jiàn)B1)Oh,monster!(上前就打)B1:（倒)Ah……

T:(氣憤)Wukong!Look what have done!She is my teacher!S: She is a monster!T: Nonsense!(深呼吸)S: Oh,please don’t……

T:It’s too late!(唱)Once more……you open the door…(泰坦尼克主題曲，走音離譜)S: Please,Please,oh,no……(痛苦抱頭)T:(嗆住，咳)Wukong, I’m disappointed with you!

B:(真身出現(xiàn))Hm!Sun Wukong, I’ll teach you a lesson!(變成太婆)B2:Hello,have you seen my daughter? T: Daughter?...(連忙擋住地尸體)No, sorry!(陪笑，B2想看后面是什么，T擋)S:（咬牙切齒）You monster, I’ll beat you into hell!(S追打B2,B2躲至T身后，S打，不想打到T頭，T暈，S再打死B2)E&J: Are you Ok, boss?(扶T)J: Look,(伸食指)how many? T:Two…..(暈乎乎地)Sun Wukong, game over!(變成B3)B3:(看到B1,B2尸體)Oh….,my daughter, my wife!Who did it?！(哭喊)S: I’ll kill you, monster!(打)T:（想阻止，未及）You,you.....(險(xiǎn)些暈，E,J扶住)You have killed three lives!

S: No,they are not human beings!They are created by monster!T: Monster?You are a real monster!Never let me see you,go！S:(悲，離去)（音樂(lè)，營(yíng)造 “假”悲傷氣氛）《人鬼情未了》 J: boss, brother Monkey is.......T: Don't mention that guy any more!B:(出現(xiàn))Ha,ha,ha!(三尸體B1,B2,B3在B招手后“飄”走)T:（驚）You are......B: How foolish you are ,Mr Tang!(E,J去阻斗，被擊退)B:(抓住T)I'll enjoy your meat and blood, ha, ha......S:(悄悄走到B后，打B,B暈)A thousand years later.T: Wukong? E: Oh, Brother Monkey!J: Our hero is back!T: I,I can't understand......What happened? S: Boss,your IQ needs increasing!This monster changed its appearance into three shapes in order to cheat you!T: How, how did you find out? S:(沉默).......Monkey's intuition(直覺(jué))T: Wukong(S不理T)I admit my mistake this time(S仍不理)I'm sorry(小聲)S: What? T: I'm sorry.S: Em? Louder, please?

T: I......am......sorry.....(S 捂耳)（音樂(lè)響）《敢問(wèn)路在何方》（這個(gè)放伴奏）

(謝幕)

愛(ài)在西元前

第三篇：孔雀東南飛--英語(yǔ)搞笑短劇劇本

焦仲卿johnny(j for short)劉蘭芝lunch(l for short)焦母johnny’s mother(jm for short)劉母lunch’s mother(lm for short)太守之子mayor’s son(ms for short)強(qiáng)盜burglars(a b and c)prologue 序幕

(j作被打狀跑上臺(tái),內(nèi)砸出一卷紙筒,j被打中,狼狽不堪)j:everybody says that i’m hen pecked, but in fact,i’m a strong tiger,(小聲)while my wife is wusong.譯：人人都說(shuō)我怕老婆，實(shí)際上我是老虎，（小聲）我妻子是武松。(指著上臺(tái)處的門(mén)大聲道)i’m not afraid of you!譯：我才不怕你呢！

(內(nèi)砸出一臉盆,j接住當(dāng)成盾牌護(hù)著頭)then, i’m afraid of whom!my wife lunchi is the most famous woman in the neighborhood.she is braver than me, smarter than me and stronger than me.all this i do not care.i only want her to be tenderer than me.but she is not!having a wife like this is just like living in the hell!譯：誰(shuí)怕誰(shuí)啊！在鄰里中，我妻子是最有名氣的。她比我勇敢、比我聰明、比我強(qiáng)壯。我也不在乎這些。我只覺(jué)得她該對(duì)我溫柔些，但是她卻不懂溫柔！有這樣的太太就像活在地獄中啊！(內(nèi)又砸出一卷紙筒,擊中j)my god!who can help me?(下)譯：我的天！誰(shuí)來(lái)救救我??？ act1 第一幕

(序幕結(jié)束時(shí),jm作竊聽(tīng)狀)jm(拄拐棍上):i can!(對(duì)門(mén)內(nèi))lunch!lunch!where are you? l(扎著圍裙,拿著鍋鏟,從門(mén)內(nèi)跳出來(lái)):i’m here!what’s up，mum? jm:i have told you again and again that you should call me “my most beautiful graceful and dearest mother-in-law”.l:ok.my most beautiful graceful and dearest mother-in-law, what’s up?

jm:since you married my son you have behaved so badly.you have been so rude, so brusque,so lazy…… l:but……

jm:never interrupt me!l:never interrupt me!since i married your son, that terrible johnny, i have been working hard all day long, cooking and washing.i have raised tens of thousands of pigs and ducks and chicken and……

jm: but all those you have done are not as valuable as a grandson!l(生氣地?fù)]動(dòng)著鍋鏟):oh, you want a grandson, don’t you?(開(kāi)始解圍裙)go and ask your son.i’m leaving!(扯下圍裙,扔在jm的臉上,下)act2(lm坐在臺(tái)上打毛線,l拿著鍋鏟上)l: mum, i’m back!

lm: you are back?why? what happened? l:i was kicked out by my most beautiful graceful and dearest mother–in-law.lm(驚訝,但隨即露出幸災(zāi)樂(lè)禍的神情):see!i have already told you!when you insisted on marrying that terrible johnny, i told you that he is ugly, stupid and poor, but you did not listen to me.look at yourself…… l: but, mum…… lm: never interrupt me!l: mum, i’m not interrupting you.i just want to tell you that you are always right ok? And i’ll marry whomever you want me to.lm(大喜): nice girl!just now, i met the mayor’s son in the market.he said, “if your daughter haven’t been married, i really really want to marry her!” now you are free again, i ’ll go and tell him.(下)l(驚愕): what? the mayor’s son? the most famous playboy in the neighborhood?(手中的鍋鏟掉在地上)what a silly thing i have done!(下)act3(j睡眼惺忪上)j(邊走邊道): lunch!lunch!where are my socks?(走了幾步,在地上撿起襪子)here they are!(聞一下)er!how smelly!they are still dirty!(突然想起)lunch has gone!i have to wash them myself.(他的肚子似乎咕咕叫了起來(lái))oh, i’m so hungry!but there’s no breakfast!(撿起地上的圍裙)this is what lunch always wears!i miss her so much, and her excellent cooking skill!Now she has gone.i have to cook for my mother and myself.jm(上): where’s my breakfast? where’s lunch? hasn’t she got up yet? j: mum, can’t you remember? lunch has gone!jm(沉吟片刻): well, to tell you the truth johnny, a son without a wife is useless.lunch is a nice girl, go and take her back!j(立正敬禮): yes madam!act4(j開(kāi)心地走著，忽然跳出來(lái)三個(gè)強(qiáng)盜)a: hey you!stop and listen to us!the road is built by me!(抬腳重重地踩在一塊大石頭上)b: and i planted one tree!(亦抬腳踩在同一塊石頭上)c: if you want to go by this street---(欲踩石頭，但踩到了a的腳)ab&c: give us all your money!j(搜遍了每一個(gè)口袋，掏出1角硬幣):is 1mao enough?(三強(qiáng)盜暈倒?fàn)?，接著三人聚在一邊商?a: what bad luck!this guy is broken!b: if we cannot rob any money today, we will have nothing to eat tonight!c: i heard that the mayor’s son is going to marry miss liu lanzhi next month.we can go and rob the wedding!a&b: good idea!j(驚訝): what? what? lunch is going to get married? it’s impossible!ab&c: why? a pretty girl and a rich man, what a good couple!j: but lunch is my wife!we haven’t got divorced yet!(突然有了主意)i’ve got an idea!you are going to rob the wedding, don’t you? i’ll go with you.you take the money and i take the bride.b: have you got any experience? j: no.but i’ve got this!(j脫下鞋子從里面摸出一張支票，上書(shū)＄1，000，000)act5(轉(zhuǎn)眼已到了婚禮之期．ms意氣風(fēng)發(fā)用紅綢牽著新娘上，j蓋著紅蓋頭極不情愿地被拉上臺(tái))(j和三強(qiáng)盜躍至臺(tái)中)abc&j: hey you!stop and listen to us!a: the road is built by me!b: and i planted one tree.c: if you want to go by this street---j: give us all your money!(l聽(tīng)到j(luò)的聲音，掀起了蓋頭)l(驚喜萬(wàn)分): johnny!(不顧一切地飛奔到j(luò)的身邊并躲到了的身后)(ms大怒，揮拳向j打來(lái)．j矮身一躲，ms打中了j身后的l，l暈倒)j(火冒三丈): how dare you beat my wife!（揮拳向ms沖去）(j與ms混戰(zhàn)，jm上，以拐杖擊暈ms)(j將ms胸前的新郎標(biāo)志扯下戴在自己胸前)j(扶起l，關(guān)切地問(wèn)):honey, how are you? l(哭狀): i hurt a lot!j: don’t cry baby.i’ll go and fetch the medicine.(下)l(起身去追):wait for me!(跑下)

第四篇：英語(yǔ)搞笑短劇劇本-西游記

Beat it!人物：T:唐僧 陳鵬

M:孫悟空 陳中良

P:豬八戒 李濤

S:沙僧 魏濤 X:白骨精原型 李鵬程

X1:白骨精變成的男人

X2:白骨精變成的女人 劉佳佳

Q:女兒國(guó)王后 徐靜靜

T: Wow…,boys,this place looks beautiful.where we are now?Does any one of you young men know what this place is? 眾徒弟們搖頭，除了八戒在看書(shū)。

T: bajie, give me the map(不回頭，懶洋洋的問(wèn))T:bajie? Give the map to me!（嚴(yán)肅的問(wèn)）

T：bajie!Give the fucking……..(轉(zhuǎn)過(guò)身看到八戒在看書(shū))T:(很吃驚)hey！bajie，you are making youself a new man.what kind of book are you reading? Is it 《jingangjing》 or 《dabeizhou》? 八戒依舊看書(shū)，不理睬。

T:(湊過(guò)去)let me have a look at it!八戒才注意，趕忙藏書(shū)。但為時(shí)已晚，T一把搶過(guò)。發(fā)現(xiàn)是封面女郎很惹火，眼神立刻變得溫柔，接過(guò)書(shū)開(kāi)始看

T：yao….xi…..(流口水，八戒看到，拿出衛(wèi)生紙給唐僧擦，唐僧回過(guò)神來(lái))T:（轉(zhuǎn)身訓(xùn)斥八戒）how many times I have told you!You are not supposed to read this kind of book!I will keep it for you until the trip is end…..(唐僧將畫(huà)冊(cè)掖到衣服里)P:But..um,why boss,why you always said we can never touch girls?I just do not understand…

T:（sigh），how many times I have to tell you ,That is because…(唐僧?dāng)[出一個(gè)酷酷的動(dòng)作，一邊跳舞，一邊開(kāi)始唱歌，Jackson的dangeous)……… P:I know

T:Monkey,I am hungry.Go and get me some food….Shaseng,you go feed the horse.(聲音放低)and I think it is the time for me to call my little honey pony(甜蜜的，一邊掏出手機(jī)，回頭看到八戒在身邊)hey！pig, get out of here!give me some private space!唐僧開(kāi)始給Q打電話

T:hi..how you’re doing(不解釋….)Q:I am fine,but I miss you.Since you left,I can not stoping recalling the days we are together..but you do not even give me a call T:oh darling….i am sorry.these boys are so gaush,it is not convenient to phone you.But you know I love you…oh…they are back!Fuck u boys,can you give me a moment of peace…

M:who you are phoning,boss? T:er(支支吾吾的)I was just having a chat with Budda.where is my food? M:here!I found some delicious bananas!T:bananas again?!How many times I have told you!i am a monk, not a monkey!I want meat, meat(加重語(yǔ)氣)！don’t you understand? The next time,you still brings me nothing but bananas, I think we can do nothing but eat your buddy pig(眼睛瞄向八戒，流口水)（T拿起手機(jī)）

T:I will call you later，honey，I miss you Q:me too,I will be on the phone,bye…

唐僧拿著香蕉，從衣服里掏出畫(huà)冊(cè)，做到一邊邊吃邊看，邊擦嘴…..白骨精上場(chǎng)

X;Hahahaaa…I heard that any monster eating master tang will get a infinite life.how lucky am I,they are in my area.Wow,I get to come up with a plan.Ehn…..get it!i can pretend to be a poor man,so they will trust me.haha……change change…… 轉(zhuǎn)了幾圈，變成了一個(gè)男人。X1:I look great!蹣跚的走過(guò)去

X1:hello,master..i have not have food for days….can you give me some? T(瞄一眼，繼續(xù)吃、看)what? i myself is starving now.out of here, you bastard!Pig,beat him,get him out of here.M正好回來(lái) 將它打死.T：er…..悟空，I told you to get him out of here,not beat him to death…..Next time don’t do this kind of thing(搖頭但繼續(xù)吃，看書(shū))M: whatever, all right(懶得解釋)（悟空看到美女畫(huà)冊(cè)，急忙湊上去看，師傅把畫(huà)冊(cè)上下左右移動(dòng)，悟空隨之移動(dòng)，師傅發(fā)現(xiàn)了，開(kāi)始說(shuō)：）Ah, wukong ,you want to have a look at it,aren’t you ,If you want to just tell me, I will give it to you, if you don’t tell me how can I know that you want to have a look at it, even if you think in your heart that you want to have a look at it, if you don’t tell me, I still do not know that you want to have a look at it…….(悟空早已痛苦不堪，逃離此地)T：wukong！come back?。ㄌ粕畵u搖頭,繼續(xù)看書(shū))

X:（看到畫(huà)冊(cè)）ah…..I got a idea!變成了一個(gè)女的 說(shuō)話一定要嗲

X2:（曼妙的走過(guò)來(lái)，碰一下唐僧，唐僧不轉(zhuǎn)頭：leave me alone.x2有碰一下，唐僧依然不轉(zhuǎn)頭：I said leave me alone.這時(shí)，x2開(kāi)口說(shuō)話）

X2:hi….Mr handsome!T:（轉(zhuǎn)頭）wow…h(huán)i beauty!（扔掉畫(huà)冊(cè)，背景音樂(lè)響起，only you，神情對(duì)視，過(guò)會(huì)兒）come here,do you want some food？take some bananes。i am tang seng,you can call me Tanny X:hi Tanny…you look great,maybe we can have some time together alone T:yeah,you are right, what are we waiting for?!Let us go!(半路碰到悟空，悟空火眼金睛看出是妖怪)M:Monster！look at how I beat you….（唐僧趕忙攔?。?/p>

T:what you are doing,you bastard monkey!this beautiful lady is my guest, M:boss,it is a monster,he change himself into a charming girl so as to attact you.he will eat you T:bullshit!you must be fed up with this trip to west…..（悟空?qǐng)?zhí)意要打，唐僧苦勸不聽(tīng)）T：I think you little monkey need some punishment(擺姿勢(shì)，要念咒語(yǔ))M：（趕忙說(shuō)）oh,no, master,not that spell.Q:(sigh)it is so late!(念咒，喜洋洋美羊羊灰太狼紅太郎，別看我只是一只羊……悟空落荒而走)T安慰x2之后，繼續(xù)走，一段路之后：

X2:hahaha…..look at who I am（變回原樣，唐僧大喊救命）.X2：i will eat you….Q及時(shí)趕來(lái)，從悟空那里得知了情況 Q:monster!...stop！he is my man....（轉(zhuǎn)向T）you get attracted by this ugly monster,are you gay?（不可思議的）T：no, I am not！(有口莫辯)Q（面向x）：who are you? X:I am baigujing….and you？

Q:doesn’t matter.i will finish you（舉起魔杖，要說(shuō)阿瓦達(dá)索命，突然停住）Oh…but you look familiar….you are xiaobai? X:you are小?。?it must been hundreds of years since the last time I met you,where have you been these years.Q:why do not contact me? X:I do not know your number…..this is your man?!Q:how could it be possible(走過(guò)來(lái)，把唐僧撥拉到一旁)..i miss you，小白 X：I miss you too……（背景音樂(lè)響起，《紅豆》）X：how about a cup of tea in my house? Q: that would be perfect, let us go….音樂(lè)停，場(chǎng)上只有唐僧，猶豫的望著天空，音樂(lè)換成《可惜不是你》 一會(huì)兒，悟空和八戒上場(chǎng)，安慰唐僧，重新上路《敢問(wèn)路在何方》…..全劇終

第五篇：英語(yǔ)搞笑短劇劇本-西游記

Once there was true love for me, but I did not treasure it.Now it’s too late to regret.Nothing in the world can be more painful than that.If only time could go back, if only God could give me one more chance, I would say to the girl: “I love you.” If you dare ask me how long my love will last, my answer will be at least 10,000 years.Beat it!人物：T:唐僧 呂歡 M:孫悟空 徐彩鳳 P:豬八戒 艾翹 S:沙僧 李巖艷

X:白骨精原型 烏凡迪 X1:白骨精變成的男人 張伊僮 X2:白骨精變成的女人 王彧 Q:女兒國(guó)王后 孫欒營(yíng)

T: Wow?,boys,this place looks beautiful.where we are now?Does any one of you young men know what this place is? 眾徒弟們搖頭，除了八戒在看書(shū)。

T: bajie, give me the map(不回頭，懶洋洋的問(wèn))T:bajie? Give the map to me!（嚴(yán)肅的問(wèn)）

T：bajie!Give the fucking??..(轉(zhuǎn)過(guò)身看到八戒在看書(shū))T:(很吃驚)hey！bajie，you are making youself a new man.what kind of book are you reading? Is it 《jingangjing》 or 《dabeizhou》? 八戒依舊看書(shū)，不理睬。T:(湊過(guò)去)let me have a look at it!八戒才注意，趕忙藏書(shū)。但為時(shí)已晚，T一把搶過(guò)。發(fā)現(xiàn)是封面女郎很惹火，眼神立刻變得溫柔，接過(guò)書(shū)開(kāi)始看

T：yao?.xi?..(流口水，八戒看到，拿出衛(wèi)生紙給唐僧擦，唐僧回過(guò)神來(lái))T:（轉(zhuǎn)身訓(xùn)斥八戒）how many times I have told you!You are not supposed to read this kind of book!I will keep it for you until the trip is end?..(唐僧將畫(huà)冊(cè)掖到衣服里)P:But..um,why boss,why you always said we can never touch girls?I just do not understand?

T:（sigh），how many times I have to tell you ,That is because?(唐僧?dāng)[出一個(gè)酷酷的動(dòng)作，一邊跳舞，一邊開(kāi)始唱歌，Jackson的dangeous)P:I know T:Monkey,I am hungry.Go and get me some food?.Shaseng,you go feed the horse.(聲音放低)and I think it is the time for me to call my little honey pony(甜蜜的，一邊掏出手機(jī)，回頭看到八戒在身邊)hey！pig, get out of here!give me some private space!唐僧開(kāi)始給Q打電話（背景音樂(lè)《做你的男人》）T:hi..how you’re doing(不解釋?.)Q:I am fine,but I miss you.Since you left,I can not stoping recalling the days we are together..but you do not even give me a call T:oh darling?.i am sorry.these boys are so gaush,it is not convenient to phone you.But you know I love you?oh?they are back!Fuck u boys,can you give me a moment of peace? M:who you are phoning,boss? T:er(支支吾吾的)I was just having a chat with Budda.where is my food? M:here!I found some delicious bananas!T:bananas again?!How many times I have told you!i am a monk, not a monkey!I want meat, meat(加重語(yǔ)氣)！don’t you understand? The next time,you still brings me nothing but bananas, I think we can do nothing but eat your buddy pig(眼睛瞄向八戒，流口水)（T拿起手機(jī)）

T:I will call you later，honey，I miss you Q:me too,I will be on the phone,bye?

T：Monkey,I am hungry.Go and get me another food?.not bananas S: But boss,if a monster comes while brother monkey is away?..T: Em??.It is a problem.Wukong,do you have any idea? M: No problem!(安裝)（X已躲在一旁偷看）P: This is?..? M: Electric net!I have learnt the energy of electricity from boss’s books.So I made this.No monster can approach you if you stay in it!T: Em??Wukong, you are becoming more and more scientific!Emitofo, knowledge is power!M: Bye!(走)T: Let’s play cards!(三人開(kāi)始打牌)音樂(lè)《斗地主》 白骨精上場(chǎng)

X: Hm!Hm!Electric net?You are too childish.Hahahaaa?I heard that any monster eating master tang will get a infinite life.how lucky am I,they are in my area.En?Electric net?You are too childish.I get to come up with a plan.Ehn?..get it!i can pretend to be a man,so they will trust me.haha??change change??

轉(zhuǎn)了幾圈，變成了一個(gè)男人。（背景音樂(lè)《天竺少女》）X1:I look great!X1:(接近三人，望著)Hey,guys!Can I join you? S: I’m sorry,sir.We are playing Fighting Against landowner and three people are enough.X1: All right I'll watch you then.(在一旁觀看)Oh,Chance!Bomb!T: Bomb?(打出)X1: Double King!T: Oh?.I win!Em??,Sir,you are a boss-hand.(背景音樂(lè)《斗地主》）Come in and teach me!(準(zhǔn)備開(kāi)電網(wǎng)門(mén))M:(回來(lái)，看見(jiàn)X1)Dai!You ugly monster!(上前就打)（背景音樂(lè)《打斗》

T：er?..悟空，I told you to get him out of here,not beat him to death?..Next time don’t do this kind of thing(拿出美女畫(huà)冊(cè)，繼續(xù)看）M: whatever, all right(懶得解釋)（悟空看到美女畫(huà)冊(cè)，急忙湊上去看，師傅把畫(huà)冊(cè)上下左右移動(dòng)，悟空隨之移動(dòng)，師傅發(fā)現(xiàn)了，開(kāi)始說(shuō)：）

Ah, wukong ,you want to have a look at it,aren’t you ,If you want to just tell me, I will give it to you, if you don’t tell me how can I know that you want to have a look at it, even if you think in your heart that you want to have a look at it, if you don’t tell me, I still do not know that you want to have a look at it??.(悟空早已痛苦不堪，逃離此地)T：wukong！come back?。ㄌ粕畵u搖頭,繼續(xù)看書(shū))X:（看到畫(huà)冊(cè)）ah?..I got a idea!White-Skeleton Demon find out that master tang likes beautiful women very much,so she decided to change herself to a beautiful girl and deceive master tang to go with her.變成了一個(gè)女的（背景音樂(lè)《天竺少女》）說(shuō)話一定要嗲

X2:（曼妙的走過(guò)來(lái)，碰一下唐僧，唐僧不轉(zhuǎn)頭：leave me alone.x2有碰一下，唐僧依然不轉(zhuǎn)頭：I said leave me alone.這時(shí)，x2開(kāi)口說(shuō)話）

X2:hi?.Mr handsome!T:（轉(zhuǎn)頭）wow?hi beauty!（扔掉畫(huà)冊(cè)，背景音樂(lè)響起，only you，神情對(duì)視，過(guò)會(huì)兒）come here,do you want some food？take some bananes。i am tang seng,you can call me Tanny X:hi Tanny?you look great,maybe we can have some time together alone T:yeah,you are right, what are we waiting for?!Let us go!(半路碰到悟空，悟空火眼金睛看出是妖怪)M:Monster！look at how I beat you?.（唐僧趕忙攔?。?/p>

T:what you are doing,you bastard monkey!this beautiful lady is my guest, M:boss,it is a monster,he change himself into a charming girl so as to attact you.he will eat you T:bullshit!you must be fed up with this trip to west?..（悟空?qǐng)?zhí)意要打，唐僧苦勸不聽(tīng)）

T：I think you little monkey need some punishment(擺姿勢(shì)，要念咒語(yǔ))M：（趕忙說(shuō)）oh,no, master,not that spell.T:(念咒，好了得，悟空落荒而走)T安慰x2之后，繼續(xù)走，一段路之后：

X2:hahaha?..look at who I am（變回原樣，唐僧大喊救命）.X2：i will eat you?.Q及時(shí)趕來(lái)，從悟空那里得知了情況

Q:monster!...stop！he is my man....（轉(zhuǎn)向T)T：no, I am not！(有口莫辯)Q（面向x）：who are you? X:I am baigujing?.and you？

Q:doesn’t matter.i will finish you（舉起魔杖，要說(shuō)阿瓦達(dá)索命，突然停住）Oh?but you look familiar?.you are xiaobai? X:you are小?。?it must been hundreds of years since the last time I met you,where have you been these years.Q:why do not contact me? X:I do not know your number?..this is your man?!Q:how could it be possible(走過(guò)來(lái)，把唐僧撥拉到一旁)..i miss you，小白

X：I miss you too??（背景音樂(lè)響起，《找朋友》）X：how about a cup of tea in my house? Q: that would be perfect, let us go?.音樂(lè)停，場(chǎng)上只有唐僧，猶豫的望著天空，音樂(lè)換成《一生所愛(ài)》 一會(huì)兒，悟空和八戒上場(chǎng)，安慰唐僧（背景音樂(lè)響起，《算什么男人》），重新上路《敢問(wèn)路在何方》?..全劇終