第一篇：圣誕節(jié)英語笑話有哪些?推薦三則

圣誕節(jié)英語笑話有哪些?推薦數(shù)三則

圣誕節(jié)英語笑話一.the thief and the judge

it was christmas and the judge was in a benevolent mood as he questioned the prisoner.“what are you charged with?” he asked.“doing my christmas shopping early,” replied the defendant.“that's no offense,” replied the judge, “how early were you doing this shopping?”

“before the store opened,” countered the prisoner.法官與小偷

那天是圣誕節(jié)，法官在審訊犯人時也有點惻隱之心。“你為什么而被起訴?”他問。

“采購圣誕節(jié)物品過早?！北桓娲稹?/p>

“這不算犯法，”法官回答，“你購物多早?”

在商店開門之前，“犯人應道。

圣誕節(jié)英語笑話二.jesus's telly

a child on christmas time asked for some paper and crayons in order to draw a crib.eventually the artistic masterpiece was displayed for parental approval.the manager, the shepherds, jesus and holy family wore duly admired.“but what's that in the corner?” asked mother.“oh, that's their telly,” replied the tot.耶穌的電視機

圣誕節(jié)時孩子要了紙和蠟筆，想畫一張耶穌誕生像。最后這件藝術(shù)品被陳列出來供父母鑒賞。

他們對耶穌誕生后睡的馬槽，牧羊人，耶穌及其家庭都逐一表示贊賞。

“可是那個角落里是什么?”媽媽問。

“噢，那是他們的電視機，”孩子回答說。

圣誕節(jié)英語笑話三

on christmas eve santa claus met an honest politician and a kind lawyer while riding up in an elevator of a very exclusive hotel.just before the doors opened the three of them noticed a 1000nt bill lying on the floor.which one of them do you think picked it up?

answer: santa of course!why? because everybody knows that the other two don’t exist!

圣誕節(jié)前夕，圣誕老人和一清廉的政治人物，以及一心地善良的律師在一家高級飯店一同等電梯，門還未開前，三人同時看到地上有一張新臺幣1000元的鈔票，猜猜誰會將它撿起?

答案：當然是圣誕老人啦!為什么?因為大家都知道另外兩者并不存在。

第二篇：英語笑話。。圣誕節(jié)

一．A smart housewife was told that there was a kind of stove which would only consume half of the coal she was burning.She was very excited, and said: “That'll be terrific!Since one stove can save half of the coal, if I buy two, no coal will be needed!”

一位精明的家庭主婦聽人說有一種爐子用起來可以比她現(xiàn)在用的爐子省一半的煤。她聽了大為興奮，說：“那太好了！一個爐子可以省一半的煤，那么如果我買兩個爐子的話，不就可以把煤全都省下來了嗎？”

二．Mrs.Brown: Oh, my dear, I have lost my precious little dog!

Mrs.Smith: But you must put an advertisement in the papers!

Mrs.Brown: It's no use, my little dog can't read.布朗夫人：哦，親愛的，我把珍愛的小狗給丟了！史密斯夫人：可是你該在報紙上登廣告??！布朗夫人：沒有用的，我的小狗不認識字?！?12月25日，是基督教徒紀念耶穌誕生的日子，稱為圣誕 節(jié)。

從12月24日于翌年1月6日為圣誕節(jié)節(jié)期。節(jié)日期間，各國基督教徒都舉行隆重的紀念儀式。圣誕節(jié)本來是基督教徒的節(jié)日，由于人們格外重視，它便成為一個全民性的節(jié)日，是西方國家一年中最盛大的節(jié)日，可以和新年相提并論，類似我國過春節(jié)。

西方人以紅、綠、白三色為圣誕色，圣誕節(jié)來臨時家家戶戶都要用圣誕色來裝飾。紅 色的有圣誕花和圣誕蠟燭。綠色的是圣誕樹。它是圣誕節(jié)的主要裝飾品，用砍伐來的杉、柏一類呈塔形的常青樹裝飾而成。上面懸掛著五顏六色的彩燈、禮物和紙花，還點燃著圣 誕蠟燭。

紅色與白色相映成趣的是圣誕老人，他是圣誕節(jié)活動中最受歡迎的人物。西方兒童在 圣誕夜臨睡之前，要在壁爐前或枕頭旁放上一只襪子，等候圣誕老人在他們?nèi)胨蟀讯Y物 放在襪子內(nèi)。在西方，扮演圣誕老人也是一種習俗。

Christmas, annual Christian holiday commemorating the birth of Jesus Christ.Most members of the Roman Catholic Church and followers of Protestantism celebrate Christmas on December 25, and many celebrate on the evening of December 24 as well.Members of the Eastern Orthodox Church usually delay their most important seasonal ceremonies until January 6, when they celebrate Epiphany, a commemoration of the baptism of Jesus.Epiphany also traditionally commemorates the arrival of the Three Wise Men of the East in Bethlehem(near Jerusalem, Israel), where they adored the infant Jesus and presented him with gifts of gold, frankincense, and myrrh.The official Christmas season, popularly known as either Christmastide or the Twelve Days of Christmas, extends from the anniversary of Christ’s birth on December 25 to the feast of Epiphany on January 6.Christmas is based on the story of Jesus’ birth as described in the Gospel according to Matthew(see Matthew 1:18-2:12)and the Gospel according to Luke(see Luke 1:26-56).Roman Catholics first celebrated Christmas, then known as the Feast of the Nativity, as early as 336 ad.The word Christmas entered the English language sometime around 1050 as the Old English phrase Christes maesse, meaning “festival of Christ.” Scholars believe the frequently used shortened form of Christmas—Xmas—may have come into use in the 13th century.The X stands for the Greek letter chi, an abbreviation of Khristos(Christ), and also represents the cross on which Jesus was crucified.

第三篇：關(guān)于圣誕節(jié)的英語笑話

關(guān)于圣誕節(jié)的英語笑話

A half-eaten egg was a result it becomes a leftover egg!I wish Merry Christmas

一個雞蛋被吃剩半邊，結(jié)果它變成了剩蛋！預祝圣誕快樂

The thief and the judge

It was Christmas and the judge was in a benevolent mood as he questioned the prisoner.“What are you charged with?” he asked.“Doing my christmas shopping early,” replied the defendant.“That's no offense,” replied the judge, “How early were you doing this shopping?”

“Before the store opened,” countered the prisoner.法官與小偷

那天是圣誕節(jié)，法官在審訊犯人時也有點惻隱之心。“你為什么而被起訴？”他問?！安少徥フQ節(jié)物品過早?！北桓娲?。

“這不算犯法，”法官回答，“你購物多早？”

在商店開門之前，“犯人應道。

Jesus's Telly

A child on Christmas time asked for some paper and crayons in order to draw a crib.Eventually the artistic masterpiece was displayed for parental approval.The manager, the shepherds, Jesus and Holy Family wore duly admired.“But what's that in the corner?” asked Mother.“Oh, that's their telly,” replied the tot.耶穌的電視機

圣誕節(jié)時孩子要了紙和蠟筆，想畫一張耶穌誕生像。最后這件藝術(shù)品被陳列出來供父母鑒賞。

他們對耶穌誕生后睡的馬槽，牧羊人，耶穌及其家庭都逐一表示贊賞。

“可是那個角落里是什么？”媽媽問。

“噢，那是他們的電視機，”孩子回答說。

What does Santa Claus like to do in his garden?

Answer: he likes to hoe, hoe, hoe

圣誕老人喜歡在花園里做什么？

答案：鋤地。（英文里Hoe 和ho同音。hoe是鋤草之意，ho則是圣誕老人的笑聲。）On Christmas Eve Santa Claus met an honest politician and a kind lawyer while riding up in an elevator of a very exclusive hotel.Just before the doors opened the three of them noticed a 1000NT bill lying on the floor.Which one of them do you think picked it up?

Answer: Santa of course!Why? Because everybody knows that the other two don’t exist!

圣誕節(jié)前夕，圣誕老人和一清廉的政治人物，以及一心地善良的律師在一家高級飯店一同等電梯，門還未開前，三人同時看到地上有一張新臺幣1000元的鈔票，猜猜誰會將它撿起？

答案：當然是圣誕老人啦！為什么？因為大家都知道另外兩者并不存在。

英語：If you have not received my Christmas present, it has to be because of-your socks have a big hole!Bu Bu it fast！中文：如果你今天沒收到我的圣誕禮物，那一定是因為--你的襪子有個大洞！快補補吧！

英語：a few days later I heard that you want to have eggs, that true? That I wish you lay eggs(Christmas)Happy!In a few days you have to Egg's full moon, I also wish you a round ahead of eggs(New Year's Day)Happy!Send中文：聽說你過幾天要生個蛋,真的嗎?那我得祝你生蛋(圣誕)快樂!再過幾天你的蛋蛋又要滿月,那么我就也提前祝你圓蛋(元旦)快樂!發(fā)送

英語：I wish to Santa Claus on Christmas Eve: I hope that no matter how bad your feet, wear socks when tomorrow morning, I'll give you receive the full blessing, the warmth of your heart and feet ㄚ子!中文：平安夜我向圣誕老人許愿：希望不管你腳多么臭，明早當穿起襪子時，能收到我給你的滿滿的祝福，溫暖你的心和腳ㄚ子！

第四篇：英語笑話

英語笑話

笑話一：A woman gets on a bus with her baby.The bus driver says: “That's the ugliest baby that I've ever seen.Ugh!” The woman goes to the rear of the bus and sits down, fuming.She says to a man next to her: “The driver just insulted me!” The man says: “You go right up there and tell him off – go ahead, I'll hold your monkey for you.”(某女士帶著寶寶坐公交車。司機說：“這是我見過最丑的寶寶。噢!”該女走到車廂后部坐下來，正惱怒得七竅生煙。她對鄰座的男子說：“那司機剛才辱罵我!”男子說：“你過去讓他滾——去吧，我會幫你把這猴子看好的?！?

笑話二：Sherlock Holmes and Dr Watson were going camping.They pitched their tent under the stars and went to sleep.Sometime in the middle of the night Holmes woke Watson up and said: “Watson, look up at the sky, and tell me what you see.” Watson replied: “I see millions and millions of stars.” Holmes said: “And what do you deduce from that?” Watson replied: “Well, if there are millions of stars, and if even a few of those have planets, it’s quite likely there are some planets like Earth out there.And if there are a few planets like Earth out there, there might also be life.” And Holmes said: “Watson, you idiot, it means that somebody stole our tent.”(福爾摩斯和華生出去露營。他們在星空下支起帳篷然后入睡了。半夜時分，福爾摩斯叫醒華生，說：“華生，抬頭看看天空，然后告訴我你看到了什么?！比A生答道：“我看見了數(shù)以百萬計的星星?！备柲λ拐f：“那你從這可以推斷出什么結(jié)果呢?”華生又答：“哦，如果有幾百萬顆星星的話，即使里面只有少數(shù)的一些行星，那么就有可能存在像地球那樣的行星。如果有像地球那樣的行星，那上面就可能會有生命存在?！备柲λ梗骸叭A生你這個白癡，這意味著有人偷了俺們的帳篷?！?/p>

笑話三：Two hunters are out in the woods when one of them collapses.He doesn't seem to be breathing and his eyes are glazed.The other guy whips out his phone and calls the emergency services.He gasps, “My friend is dead!What can I do?” The operator says “Calm down.I can help.First, let's make sure he's dead.” There is a silence, then a gun shot is heard.Back on the phone, the guy says “OK, now what?”(兩個獵人在樹林里，這時其中一人倒下地。這人似乎已經(jīng)沒有呼吸，眼睛也呆滯無神。另一個家伙拿出電話呼叫應急服務。他氣喘吁吁地說：“我的朋友掛了!我該怎么辦?”話務員說：“冷靜點，我可以幫你。首先，要確認他死了。”對方在電話里安靜下來，然后聽到一聲槍響。那廝拿回電話：“搞定了，現(xiàn)在該干嘛了?”)

第五篇：英語笑話

1.A boy swore to a girl: 'Honey, do please marry me, otherwise I'll die'

The girl refused.Sixty years later, the boy died.一男生向一女生發(fā)誓：親愛的，請你一定要嫁給我，不然我會死掉的女孩拒絕了。六十年后，那個男生死掉了。

2.Teacher: Johnny, why are you late for school every morning?

Johnny: Every time I come to the corner, a guidepost（路牌，路標）says, 'School--Go Slow' 老師：約翰，為什么你每天早上都遲到呢？

約翰：每次我走到街角的時候，都有一塊路牌寫著：“學校-小心慢行”

3.Teacher: Tom, why are you so late for school tdoay? And where is your homework book? Tom: Sorry, Miss.I met a robber on my way to school this morning...Teachse: Oh, My Gosh!So terrible!Did he robber anything from you?

Tom: He...he robbed my homework book....老師：湯姆，你今天為什么遲到這么久？還有你的家庭作業(yè)本呢？

湯姆：對不起，老師，我今天在上學的路上遇上了一個搶劫犯……

老師：噢，天哪！太糟糕了！他搶了你什么東西沒有？

湯姆：他……他搶走了我的家庭作業(yè)本……

4.A male crab met a female crab and asked her to marry him.She noticed that he was walking straight instead of sideways.Wow, she thought, this crab is really special.I can't let him get away.So they got married immediately.The next day she noticed her new husband waking sideways like all the other crabs, and got upset.“What happened?” she asked.“ You used to walk straight before we were married.”

“Oh, honey, ” he replied, “I can't drink that much every day.一只雄蟹遇到一只雌蟹，便要娶她為妻。她注意到他走路是直著走，而不是橫著走。哇！她想，這只雄蟹可真特別，我可不能讓他跑了。因此他們立刻結(jié)婚了。

第二天，她又發(fā)現(xiàn)她的新郎像其他蟹一樣橫著走路了。她深感不安?！澳阍趺戳?？”她問，“我們結(jié)婚前你可是直著走路的?！?/p>

“哦，寶貝，”他回答說，“我不可能每天都喝那么多Many years after receiving my graduate degree, I returned to the State University of New York at Binghamton as a faculty member.One day in a crowded elevator, someone remarked on its inefficiency.I said the elevators had not changed in the 20 years since I began there as a student.When the door finally opened, I felt a compassionate pat on my back, and turned to see an elderly nun smiling at me.”You'll get that degree, dear,“ she whispered.”Perseverance is a virtue.“美 德

獲取研究生學位多年以后，我回到位于賓翰頓的紐約州立大學當教員。一天，電梯里很擁擠，有人抱怨電梯效率太低。我說自我在那里當學生起，20年來電梯一直沒有換過。

最后當電梯門打開時，我感到有人在我的背上同情地拍了一下，回過頭來我看到一位年長的修女正在朝我微笑?！澳銜玫綄W位的，親愛的，”她低聲說道：“堅持不懈是一種美德?！?/p>

1.和買驢的人

A man wanted to buy an ass.He went to the market, and saw a likely one.But he wanted totest him first.So he took the ass home, and put him into the stable with the other asses.The new ass looked around, and immediately went to choose a place next to the laziest ass inthe stable.When the man saw this he put a halter on the ass at once, and gave him back to

his owner.The owner felt quite surprised.He asked the man, ”Why are you back so soon? Haveyou tested him already?“ ”I don't want to test him any more,“ replied the man, ”From thecompanion he chose for himself, I could see what sort of animal he is.“

中文：一個買主到市場上去買驢，他看中一頭外表不錯的驢，但是他想要牽走試一試。他把驢牽回家，放

在自己其他的驢之間，這驢四處看看，立即走向一頭好吃懶做的驢旁邊。于是，買驢的人立刻給那頭驢套

上轡頭，牽去還給驢的賣主。賣主感到很奇怪，他問買主：“你怎么這么快就回來了？”買主說：“不必

再試了，從他所選擇什么樣的朋友來看，我已經(jīng)知道他是什么樣了。”

2.The Looney Bin

瘋?cè)嗽?/p>

Late one night at the insane asylum(瘋?cè)嗽海﹐ne inmate shouted, ”I am Napoleon!“

Another one said, ”How do you know?“

The first inmate said, ”God told me!“

Just then, a voice from another room shouted, ”I did not!“

一天晚上，在瘋?cè)嗽豪铮粋€病人說：”我是拿破侖！“另一個說：”你怎么知道？“第一個人說：”上帝對

我說的！“一會兒，一個聲音從另一個房間傳來：”我沒說！“

Notes:

（1）Looney(俚語）瘋子

（2）inmate（n.同住者,同室者(特指在醫(yī)院、監(jiān)獄)）

（3）insane asylum(瘋?cè)嗽海?/p>

3.A mother mouse

老鼠的第二語言也重要

A mother mouse was out for a stroll with her babies when she

spotted a cat crouched behind a bush.She watched the cat, and

the cat watched the mice.Mother mouse barked fiercely, ”Woof, woof, woof!“ The cat

was so terrified that it ran for it's life.Mother mouse turned to her babies and said, ”Now, do you

understand the value of a second language?“

一只母老鼠帶著孩子出來散步，突然她看見一只貓正在灌木叢中虎視耽耽。

母老鼠向著貓叫道：“汪，汪，汪”，貓聽了非常害怕，拼命跑走了。

母老鼠回過頭洋洋自得的對孩子說：“現(xiàn)在你知道外語的重要性了吧。”

1、Life after death死后重生

”Do you believe in life after death?“ the boss asked one of his employees.”Yes, Sir.“ the new recruit replied.”Well, then, that makes everything just fine,“ the boss went on.”After you left early yesterday to go to your grandmother's funeral, she stopped in to see you.“你相信人能死后重生嗎？”老板問他的一個員工。

“我相信，先生”。這位剛上班不久的員工回答。

“哦，那還好”。老板接著說。

“你昨天提早下班去參加你祖母的葬禮后，她老人家到這兒看你來了。”

2、Talking clock

會說話的鐘

While proudly showing off his new apartment to friends, a college student led the way into the den.“What is the big brass gong and hammer for?” one of his friends asked.“That is the talking clock,” the man replied.“How's it work?”

“Watch,” the man said and proceeded to give the gong an ear shattering pound with the hammer.Suddenly, someone screamed from the other side of the wall, “Knock it off, you idiot!It's two o'clock in the morning!”

一個學生帶他朋友們參觀他的新公寓，甚是得意?！澳莻€大銅鑼和錘子是干什么用的？”他的一個朋友問他。“那玩意兒厲害了，那是一個會說話的鐘”，學生回答?！斑@鐘怎么工作的”，他的朋友問?！翱粗?，別眨眼了”，那學生走上前一把操起銅鑼和錘子，拼命地敲了一下，聲音震耳欲聾。突然，他們聽到隔壁墻那邊有人狂叫，“別敲了，你這白癡！現(xiàn)在是凌晨兩點鐘了！”

3、Pig or Witch

豬還是女巫

A man is driving up a steep, narrow mountain road.A woman is driving down the same road.As they pass each other, the woman leans out of the window and yells “PIG！” The man immediately leans out of his window and replies, “WITCH(女巫)！” They each continue on their way, and as the man rounds the next corner, he crashes into a pig in the middle of the road.If only men would listen.一個男人在一條陡峭狹窄的山路上駕車，一個女人相向駕車而來。他們相遇時，那個女的從窗中伸出頭來叫到：“豬！”那個男的立即從窗中伸出頭來回敬道：“女巫！”他們繼續(xù)前行。這個男的在下一個路口轉(zhuǎn)彎時，撞上了路中間的一頭豬。要是這個男的能聽懂那個女人的意思就好了。

4、Blind Date

相親（笑話）

After being with her all evening, the man couldn't take another minute with his blind date.Earlier, he had secretly arranged to have a friend call him to the phone so he would have an excuse to leave.When he returned to the table, he lowered his eyes, put on a grim expression and said, “I have some bad news.My grandfather just died.”“Thank heavens,” his date replied.“If yours hadn't, mine would have had to!”

和相親對象呆了一晚上后，男人再也受不了了。他事先安排了個朋友給他打電話，這樣他就能借故先離開了。當他回到桌邊，他垂下眼睛，裝出一副陰沉的表情，說：“有個不幸的消息，我的祖父剛剛?cè)ナ懒??！薄爸x天謝地！”他的約會對象說，“如果你的祖父不死，我的祖父就得死了！”

5、The Mean Man's Party

吝嗇鬼的聚會

The notorious cheap skate finally decided to have a party.Explaining to a friend how to find his apartment, he said, “Come up to the fifth floor and ring the doorbell with your elbow.When the door open, push with your foot.”

“Why use my elbow and foot?”

“Well, gosh,” was the reply, “You're not coming empty-handed, are you?”

一個聲名狼藉的小氣鬼終于決定要請一次客了。他在向一個朋友解釋怎么找到他家時說：“你上到五樓，用你的胳膊肘按門鈴。門開了后，再用你的腳把門推開?！?/p>

“為什么我要用我的肘和腳呢？”

“天哪！” 吝嗇鬼回答，“你總不會空著手來吧？”

一、我們什么也沒留下We Left Nothing

Mrs Brown was going out for the day.She locked the house and tacked a note for the milkman on the door: “NOBODY HOME.DON?T LEAVE ANYTHING.” When she got back that night, she found her door broken open and her house ransacked.On the note she had left, she found the following message added:“THANKS!WE HAVEN?T LEFT ANYTHING!” 我們什么也沒留下

布朗太太要外出一天。她鎖好了房門，在門上給送牛奶的人釘了一張便條：“家里沒人，請不要留下任何東西！” 她當天晚上回家后發(fā)現(xiàn)房間門被撞開，房子被洗劫一空。在她留給送奶人的便條上，她發(fā)現(xiàn)被補充了一句：“謝謝！我們什么也沒留下！”

我去應聘時，考官是一漂亮小姐，一緊張我說了如下內(nèi)容：

二、“My name is ?old five wang?”（我叫王老五）

“I boom（炸出）at 1971year！”（我生于1971年）※born我念成了boom，反正很像?！癕y toyear is 28year”（今年28歲）※事后才知today是今天，但今年不是toyear?！癕y home have a papa and a mama and a didi”（家里有爸媽跟一個弟弟）※其實我知道弟弟要用brother，但因念太順了，所以念成didi。

“and a uncle and a young watch sister and a old watch sister live with us”（還有一個叔叔與一個表妹一個表姐跟我們住在一起）※事后才知表姐表妹都錯了，watch是表沒錯，但是watch是指手表?？墒俏野l(fā)誓讀書時英文沒教過表姐妹的英文。

“my interest is sing song、see movie、xxxx do computer and push horse road”（我的興趣是唱歌、看電影、操作電腦和壓馬路）※我念到操作電腦時，她有咦的一聲，這小姐會不會聽不懂。后來我才知道英文罵人的“操”字跟“操作”的字是不同的。

“my special long is up internet、sales、play power move

game and beat word”（我的專長是上網(wǎng)、業(yè)務、玩電動玩具和打字）

“In the future I hope can go round travel world and help everybody all very happy”（在未來我希望能去環(huán)游世界和能幫助每一個人都很快樂）

“thank you and over！”（謝謝！完了?。?/p>

那小姐整整愣了一分鐘。

三、Next time that you think you?re having a bad day

The average cost of rehabilitate one seal after the Valdez oil spill in Alaska was $80,000.At a special ceremony, two of the most expensively-saved animals were released into the wild amid cheers and applause from onlookers.A minute later, a killer whale ate them both.阿拉斯加瓦爾迪茲發(fā)生石油泄漏以后，救援每只海豹的平均費用達到8萬美元。在一個特別的儀式上面，有兩只花巨款拯救回來的海豹，在人們的歡呼和掌聲中被放回大自然。一分鐘后，它們雙雙被一頭殺人鯨吞入肚中。

四、Blind Date(相親）

After being with her all evening, the man couldnt take another minute with his blind date.Earlier, he had secretly arranged to have a friend call him to the phone so he would have an excuse to leave.When he returned to the table, he lowered his eyes, put on a grim expression and said,“I have some bad news.My grandfather just died.”“Thank heavens,” his date replied.“If yours hadnt, mine would have had to!”

和相親對象呆了一晚上后,男人再也受不了了.他事先安排了個朋友給他打電話,這樣他就能借故先離開了.當他回到桌邊,他垂下眼睛,裝出一副陰沉的表情,說：“有個不幸的消息,我的祖父剛剛?cè)ナ懒?”

“謝天謝地！”他的約會對象說,“如果你的祖父不死,我的祖父就得死了！”

...五、小男孩與驢子 A Small Boy and a Donkey

A small boy leading a donkey passed by an Army camp.A couple of soldiers wanted to have some fun with the lad.What are you holding onto your brother so tight for, sonny? asked one of them.So he wont join the army,英語笑話帶翻譯 the youngster replied without blinking an eye.一個小男孩牽著頭驢子穿過部隊營房.兩名士兵想跟小家伙開個玩笑：小孩,你把你哥哥牽得這么緊干什么？

這樣,他就不會去參軍了.小家伙眼都不眨地回答道.