第一篇：脫口秀主持Ellen的爆笑演講

邀請名人到本校學生的畢業(yè)典禮上做演講一直以來都是美國大學的傳統(tǒng)，不管該位名人是否從這所大學畢業(yè)。本期【名人畢業(yè)演講秀】為大家送上脫口秀主持Ellen DeGeneres的杜蘭大學演講。

Ellen毫無疑問是美國現(xiàn)今一線的脫口秀主持人。以自己名字命名的節(jié)目Ellen Show收視率居高不下，她還成功主持過第38和39屆格萊美、第46屆艾美等頒獎禮。她在杜蘭大學的演講延續(xù)了自己的幽默風格，在笑聲中也回顧了自己的成長，并給畢業(yè)學生們以誠懇的建議，聽來受益匪淺。點擊這里下載演講音頻>>

Thank you, President Cowan, Mrs.President Cowen;distinguished guests, undistinguished guestsaluminialumisI really, I had no ambition, I didn't know what I wanted to do.I did everything from“and I'm gonna be the first woman in the history of the show to be called over to sit down.” And several years later, I was the first woman in the history of the show, and only woman in the history of the show to sit down, because of that phone conversation with God that I wrote.And I started this path of stand-up and it was successful and it was great, but it was hard, because I was trying to please everybody and I had this secret that I was keeping, that I was gay.And I thought if people found out they wouldn't like me, they wouldn't laugh at me.Then my career turned intothis was back, many years ago-and I finally decided that I was living with so much shame, and so much fear, that I just couldn't live that way anymore, and I decided to come out and make it creative.And my character would come out at the same time, and it wasn't to make a political statement, it wasn't to do anything other than to free myself up from this heaviness that I was carrying around, and I just wanted to be honest.And I thought, “What's the worst that could happen? I can lose my career”.I did.I lost my career.The show was cancelled after six years, without even telling me, I read it in the paper.The phone didn't ring for three years.I had no offers.Nobody wanted to touch me at all.Yet, I was getting letters from kids that almost committed suicide, but didn't, because of what I did.And I realised that I had a purpose.And it wasn't just about me and it wasn't about celebrity, but I felt like I was being punished...it was a bad time, I was angry, I was sad, and then I was offered a talkshow.And the people that offered me the talkshow tried to sell it.And most stations didn't want to pick it up.Most people didn't want to buy it because they thought nobody would watch me.Really when I look back on it, I wouldn't change a thing.I mean, it was so important for me to lose everything because I found out what the most important thing is, is to be true to yourself.Ultimately, that's what's gotten me to this place.I don't live in fear, I'm free, I have no secrets.and I know I'll always be ok, because no matter what, I know who I am.So In conclusion, when I was younger I thought success was something different.I thought when I grow up, I want to be famous.I want to be a star.I want to be in movies.When I grow up I want to see the world, drive nice cars, I want to have groupies.To quote the Pussycat Dolls.How many people thought it was “boobies”, by the way? It's not, it's “groupies”.But my idea of success is different today.And as you grow, you'll realise the definition of success changes.For many of you, today, success is being able to hold down 20 shots of tequila.For me, the most important thing in your life is to live your life with integrity, and not to give into peer pressure.to try to be something that you're not.To live your life as an honest and compassionate person.to contribute in some way.So to conclude my conclusion: follow your passion, stay true to yourself.Never follow anyone else's path, unless you're in the woods and you're lost and you see a path, and by all means you should follow that.Don't give advice, it will come back and bite you in the ass.Don't take anyone's advice.So my advice to you is to be true to yourself and everything will be fine.And I know that a lot of you are concerned about your future, but there's no need to worry.The economy is booming, the job market is wide open, the planet is just fine.It's gonna be great.You've already survived a hurricane.What else can happen to you? And as I mentioned before, some of the most devastating things that happen to you will teach you the most.And now you know the right questions to ask in your first job interview.Like, “Is it above sea level?”.So to conclude my conclusion that I've previously concluded, in the common cement speech, I guess what I'm trying to say is life is like one big Mardi Gras.But instead of showing your boobs, show people your brain, and if they like what they see, you'll have more beads than you know what to do with.And you'll be drunk, most of the time.So the Katrina class of 2009, I say congratulations and if you don't remember a thing I said today, remember this: you're gonna be ok, dum de dum dum dum, just dance.

第二篇：美國脫口秀主持Ellen的爆笑演講 英文原版

Ellen DeGeneresoá?Tòé?êê??à1ú????ò???μ?í??úD??÷3?è??￡ò?×??o??×??ü??μ??ú??Ellen Showê?êó?ê?ó??2???￡??y?13é1|?÷3?1yμú38oí39?ì??à3?à?￠μú46?ì°??àμè°??±à??￡?y?ú??à?′ó?§μ??Y?2?óD?á?×??oμ?ó???·???￡??úD|éù?Dò2??1?á?×??oμ?3é3¤￡?2￠??±?òμ?§éú??ò?3??òμ??¨òé￡?ìyà′êüò?·??3?￡ò????aó￠???Y?2??￡o

????Thank you, President Cowan, Mrs.President Cowen;distinguished guests, undistinguished guestsaluminialumisI really, I had no ambition, I didn't know what I wanted to do.I did everything from“and I'm gonna be the first woman in the history of the show to be called over to sit down.” And several years later, I was the first woman in the history of the show, and only woman in the history of the show to sit down, because of that phone conversation with God that I wrote.And I started this path of stand-up and it was successful and it was great, but it was hard, because I was trying to please everybody and I had this secret that I was keeping, that I was gay.And I thought if people found out they wouldn't like me, they wouldn't laugh at me.????Then my career turned intothis was back, many years ago-and I finally decided that I was living with so much shame, and so much fear, that I just couldn't live that way anymore, and I decided to come out and make it creative.And my character would come out at the same time, and it wasn't to make a political statement, it wasn't to do anything other than to free myself up from this heaviness that I was carrying around, and I just wanted to be honest.And I thought, “What's the worst that could happen? I can lose my career”.I did.I lost my career.The show was cancelled after six years, without even telling me, I read it in the paper.The phone didn't ring for three years.I had no offers.Nobody wanted to touch me at all.Yet, I was getting letters from kids that almost committed suicide, but didn't, because of what I did.And I realised that I had a purpose.And it wasn't just about me and it wasn't about celebrity, but I felt like I was being punished...it was a bad time, I was angry, I was sad, and then I was offered a talkshow.And the people that offered me the talkshow tried to sell it.And most stations didn't want to pick it up.Most people didn't want to buy it because they thought nobody would watch me.Really when I look back on it, I wouldn't change a thing.I mean, it was so important for me to lose everything because I found out what the most important thing is, is to be true to yourself.Ultimately, that's what's gotten me to this place.I don't live in fear, I'm free, I have no secrets.and I know I'll always be ok, because no matter what, I know who I am.So In conclusion, when I was younger I thought success was something different.I thought when I grow up, I want to be famous.I want to be a star.I want to be in movies.When I grow up I want to see the world, drive nice cars, I want to have groupies.To quote the Pussycat Dolls.How many people thought it was “boobies”, by the way? It's not, it's “groupies”.????But my idea of success is different today.And as you grow, you'll realise the definition of success changes.For many of you, today, success is being able to hold down 20 shots of tequila.For me, the most important thing in your life is to live your life with integrity, and not to give into peer pressure.to try to be something that you're not.To live your life as an honest and compassionate person.to contribute in some way.So to conclude my conclusion: follow your passion, stay true to yourself.Never follow anyone else's path, unless you're in the woods and you're lost and you see a path, and by all means you should follow that.Don't give advice, it will come back and bite you in the ass.Don't take anyone's advice.So my advice to you is to be true to yourself and everything will be fine.????And I know that a lot of you are concerned about your future, but there's no need to worry.The economy is booming, the job market is wide open, the planet is just fine.It's gonna be great.You've already survived a hurricane.What else can happen to you? And as I mentioned before, some of the most devastating things that happen to you will teach you the most.And now you know the right questions to ask in your first job interview.Like, “Is it above sea level?”.So to conclude my conclusion that I've previously concluded, in the common cement speech, I guess what I'm trying to say is life is like one big Mardi Gras.But instead of showing your boobs, show people your brain, and if they like what they see, you'll have more beads than you know what to do with.And you'll be drunk, most of the time.So the Katrina class of 2009, I say congratulations and if you don't remember a thing I said today, remember this: you're gonna be ok, dum de dum dum dum, just dance.

第三篇：脫口秀主持人Ellen 杜蘭大學2009畢業(yè)典禮演講

Thank you, President Cowan, Mrs.President Cowen;distinguished guests, undistinguished guestsaluminialumisI really, I had no ambition, I didn't know what I wanted to do.I did everything from“and I'm gonna be the first woman in the history of the show to be called over to sit down.” And several years later, I was the first woman in the history of the show, and only woman in the history of the show to sit down, because of that phone conversation with God that I wrote.And I started this path of stand-up and it was successful and it was great, but it was hard, because I was trying to please everybody and I had this secret that I was keeping, that I was gay.And I thought if people found out they wouldn't like me, they wouldn't laugh at me.Then my career turned intothis was back, many years ago-and I finally decided that I was living with so much shame, and so much fear, that I just couldn't live that way anymore, and I decided to come out and make it creative.And my character would come out at the same time, and it wasn't to make a political statement, it wasn't to do anything other than to free myself up from this heaviness that I was carrying around, and I just wanted to be honest.And I thought, “What's the worst that could happen? I can lose my career”.I did.I lost my career.The show was cancelled after six years, without even telling me, I read it in the paper.The phone didn't ring for three years.I had no offers.Nobody wanted to touch me at all.Yet, I was getting letters from kids that almost committed suicide, but didn't, because of what I did.And I realised that I had a purpose.And it wasn't just about me and it wasn't about celebrity, but I felt like I was being punished...it was a bad time, I was angry, I was sad, and then I was offered a talkshow.And the people that offered me the talkshow tried to sell it.And most stations didn't want to pick it up.Most people didn't want to buy it because they thought nobody would watch me.Really when I look back on it, I wouldn't change a thing.I mean, it was so important for me to lose everything because I found out what the most important thing is, is to be true to yourself.Ultimately, that's what's gotten me to this place.I don't live in fear, I'm free, I have no secrets.and I know I'll always be ok, because no matter what, I know who I am.So In conclusion, when I was younger I thought success was something different.I thought when I grow up, I want to be famous.I want to be a star.I want to be in movies.When I grow up I want to see the world, drive nice cars, I want to have groupies.To quote the Pussycat Dolls.How many people thought it was “boobies”, by the way? It's not, it's “groupies”.But my idea of success is different today.And as you grow, you'll realise the definition of success changes.For many of you, today, success is being able to hold down 20 shots of tequila.For me, the most important thing in your life is to live your life with integrity, and not to give into peer pressure.to try to be something that you're not.To live your life as an honest and compassionate person.to contribute in some way.So to conclude my conclusion: follow your passion, stay true to yourself.Never follow anyone else's path, unless you're in the woods and you're lost and you see a path, and by all means you should follow that.Don't give advice, it will come back and bite you in the ass.Don't take anyone's advice.So my advice to you is to be true to yourself and everything will be fine.And I know that a lot of you are concerned about your future, but there's no need to worry.The economy is booming, the job market is wide open, the planet is just fine.It's gonna be great.You've already survived a hurricane.What else can happen to you? And as I mentioned before, some of the most devastating things that happen to you will teach you the most.And now you know the right questions to ask in your first job interview.Like, “Is it above sea level?”.So to conclude my conclusion that I've previously concluded, in the common cement speech, I guess what I'm trying to say is life is like one big Mardi Gras.But instead of showing your boobs, show people your brain, and if they like what they see, you'll have more beads than you know what to do with.And you'll be drunk, most of the time.So the Katrina class of 2009, I say congratulations and if you don't remember a thing I said today, remember this: you're gonna be ok, dum de dum dum dum, just dance.謝謝，考恩校長和校長夫人、各位尊貴和沒那么尊貴的嘉賓——你自己知道自己是誰，以及各位杰出的教師和弱智的西班牙語老師。也感謝所有2009界畢業(yè)生，我知道你們大多沒睡醒并頭痛欲裂，狂歡節(jié)后就根本沒睡過，但我講完之前你們不能畢業(yè)，所以好好聽著。

有人找我做畢業(yè)致辭的時候，我立刻就答應(yīng)了。然后，我轉(zhuǎn)身去查畢業(yè)致辭是什么意思。如果我有本詞典，很容易查得到。但我們家大部分的書都是波蒂亞的，它們都是用澳大利亞語寫的。（波蒂亞，澳大利亞模特，Ellen's partner）因此，我不得不自己把這詞拆開來，以明白它的意思。

畢業(yè)致辭（Commencement）就是普通（Common）和水泥（cement）。普通水泥。我們總在路上看到水泥。路上也有裂縫，一旦你踏進裂縫，就會摔壞你媽媽的背。//不明白//故，有此說。不過，我很榮幸，你們讓我在普通水泥上發(fā)言。

我以為，做畢業(yè)致辭的得是著名校友、小游、效尤、消油，總之，你得從這學校畢業(yè)?？晌也⒉皇沁@里畢業(yè)的，我不知道考恩校長知道么，我根本沒從任何大學畢業(yè)。任何大學。當然，我不是說你們浪費時間和金錢，但是看看我，我可是超級名流啊。

雖然我也在學校飽受磨難（knock），但我們的吉祥物就是門把手（knocker）//我又不明白了//我在這里長大。我媽媽也在這里工作（？），每次我要從她錢包里偷點錢的時候，我就到這里來。但是，今天我為什么到這里來呢？顯然，不是要偷東西，你們都離我太遠了，而且偷了東西我也跑不掉。我今天來這里是因為你們。沒有比你們更堅韌，更勇敢的畢業(yè)班了。我的意思是，看看你們，穿著長袍。一般來說，你早上十點穿著長袍，意味著你已經(jīng)完蛋了。//還是不明白//我來這里，是因為我喜歡新奧爾良。我生在這里出生，在這里長大。和你一樣，當我住在這里，只洗過六次衣服。我從學校畢業(yè)的時候后，就完全失去了方向。我所說的學校，是指初中。無論如何我還是繼續(xù)，讀完了高中。我，真的，沒有什么抱負，我不知道自己想做什么。于是我什么都做，我做過剝牡蠣的、我做過女主持、我做過酒保、我做過服務(wù)員、我做過粉刷匠、我做過賣吸塵器的，我不知道做什么。我想，我最后會在某個工作固定下來，會有足夠的錢租房，也許還有基本的有線電視，也許沒有。我真的不知道，我是說，我在你們這個年紀的時候，我以為自己知道自己是誰，但是我不知道。例如，我在你們這個年紀的時候，我還跟男人約會呢。(本文作者系著名女同志，在八號提案被否決后，高調(diào)和女友結(jié)婚，雙方家長參加。)所以，我說的是，當你們長大以后，多會變成同性戀的。這句話有人記下來么？父母們記下來了么？

話說回來，那時候，我不知道我生命中想做什么，一件非常悲慘的事情讓我醒悟。那年我19歲，我當時的女友死于車禍。我從旁經(jīng)過，不知道那就是她，我繼續(xù)走，過了會兒我才發(fā)現(xiàn)，那就是她。我住在一個地下室里，沒有錢，沒有暖氣，沒有新鮮空氣，有個床墊，就放在地板上，房間里滿是跳蚤。而我不斷的想，不斷的想，為什么她突然消失了，而跳蚤還在這里？//也不是很明白//我不能理解，但一定有一個旨意，如果可以拿起電話就打給上帝問這些問題，那多好啊。

于是，我開始寫東西，噴涌而出的就是我跟上帝的對話，單方面的。寫完了，我看著它，我對自己說——那時候我還沒做過脫口秀，小鎮(zhèn)里也沒有這樣的表演——我對自己說，“我要在約翰尼卡森的《今夜秀》上跟大家說這些” ——當時，他是脫口秀之王——“我會成為這個節(jié)目里第一個女嘉賓，第一個能坐下的女嘉賓”（因果不明，但是在某官員說同志不能結(jié)婚的時候，Ellen當著他的面立即說“以前你們還說我不能坐在這里呢”——用的是黑人婦女坐車的典故。）幾年之后，就因為我寫了跟上帝通電話，而成為這個節(jié)目里第一個女嘉賓，也是唯一的女嘉賓。之后我開始做脫口秀，很成功，很厲害，但也很難，因為我試圖討好每個人，而我心中有一個秘密：我是同性戀。我想，如果人們不喜歡我的話，他們就不會喜歡我的節(jié)目。//是這個意思吧？//

然后，我的職業(yè)生涯又轉(zhuǎn)到了電視劇，我自己的電視劇，很成功，另一個數(shù)量級的成功?？晌蚁?，如果他們發(fā)現(xiàn)我是同性戀，那么他們永遠不會看我的電視劇了。那是很久以前的事了，那時候我們還只有白人總統(tǒng)。回來，回到多年前。//不明//我的生活里已經(jīng)有太多羞恥，太多恐懼，多得不能再多了，最后我決定出軌，而且要有創(chuàng)意。與此同時，我在電視劇里的角色也出柜了，這可不是政治宣言，這只是我在自己生活的這片空間里釋放了自己，我只是說實話，而我想，“最壞的可能是什么呢？失業(yè)吧?！蔽易龅搅?。我失業(yè)了。節(jié)目被取消了，都沒有人告訴我，六年后我看報紙才知道的。三年里沒有一個電話面試。沒有工作機會。沒有任何人想跟我聯(lián)系。但是，我有收到孩子們的來信，本來要自殺的，但是因為看到我所做的而沒有做傻事。我意識到我自己有一個旨意。它不僅僅是關(guān)于我，也不是關(guān)于名流，而是我覺得自己好像受到懲罰。。日子不好過，我很生氣，我很悲傷，然后我終于得到一個做脫口秀節(jié)目的機會。//什么意思啊？！//節(jié)目做好，要賣出去的時候，多數(shù)電視臺看都不看。多數(shù)人不愿意買這個節(jié)目，因為他們覺得沒有人會要看我的節(jié)目。

當我回首這段，真的，我不想改變什么。我的意思是，失去一切對于我來說很重要，因為這讓我領(lǐng)悟到，對于我來說最重要的是，忠實于自己。正是忠實于自己，才讓我有機會到這里來致辭。我不再害怕了，我自由了，我沒有秘密，我知道自己沒什么問題，因為不管發(fā)生什么，我知道自己是誰。所以，總結(jié)一下，我年輕時候的對于成功的看法和現(xiàn)在不同。我想，當我長大了，我要出名。我想成為明星。我想做電影。當我長大了，我想環(huán)游世界，駕駛好車，我想有自己的粉絲（groupies）。以上引用Pussycat Dolls演唱組的話。嘿，有多少人聽成了蠢貨（boobies），不，我說的是粉絲。

但，今天我對成功的看法完全不同。等你長大，就明白成功的定義是會變的。今天，對于你們來，成功就是一口喝掉二十杯烈酒。對我來說，最重要的是忠實于自己，做完整的自己，不要因別人的壓力而改變自己，委曲不能求全。//這句怎么說才能好呢//做誠實的，有同情心的人，這里那里做出些貢獻。最后，總結(jié)一下我的總結(jié)：跟隨你的心，忠實于自己。不要走別人的路，除非你在樹林里迷路了，看到這么一條路，非走不可。也不要給別人亂出主意，它只會給你自己添亂。不要聽別人的意見。所以，我給你的意見是：忠實于自己，一切都會好的。

我知道，有不少人關(guān)心自己的前途，但沒必要擔心。經(jīng)濟蓬勃發(fā)展，人才市場空著呢，坐飛機也不會死。//wide open怎么翻啊//會好起來的。你們都已經(jīng)躲過了颶風。還有什么可以發(fā)生在你們身上？正如我前面提到的，發(fā)生在你身上最壞的事情會給你最深的領(lǐng)悟?，F(xiàn)在，你知道了第一次面試的時候應(yīng)該問的問題了。譬如說，“是海平面以上（安全的地方）對嗎？”。最后的最后，再來總結(jié)一下我普通水泥上的總結(jié)，我猜，我所想說的是，人生就是一場大的狂歡節(jié)。但，不要展示你的胸部，而是展示你的腦部，如果他們喜歡他們看到的，你會有更多珠子。//我不行了//多數(shù)時候，你都喝高了。好了，純潔的2009界畢業(yè)生，祝福你們畢業(yè)了。如果你完全不記得我今天說哪些，請記住這句：你沒什么問題。dum de dum dum dum，跳舞吧（Ellen DeGeneres's Show的結(jié)束音樂。）

第四篇：脫口秀主持人Ellen杜蘭大學2009畢業(yè)典禮演講

脫口秀主持人埃倫2009年杜蘭大學畢業(yè)演講稿英文版

Thank you, President Cowan, Mrs.President Cowen;distinguished guests, undistinguished guestsaluminialumisI really, I had no ambition, I didn't know what I wanted to do.I did everything from“and I'm gonna be the first woman in the history of the show to be called over to sit down.” And several years later, I was the first woman in the history of the show, and only woman in the history of the show to sit down, because of that phone conversation with God that I wrote.And I started this path of stand-up and it was successful and it was great, but it was hard, because I was trying to please everybody and I had this secret that I was keeping, that I was gay.And I thought if people found out they wouldn't like me, they wouldn't laugh at me.Then my career turned intothis was back, many years ago-and I finally decided that I was living with so much shame, and so much fear, that I just couldn't live that way anymore, and I decided to come out and make it creative.And my character would come out at the same time, and it wasn't to make a political statement, it wasn't to do anything other than to free myself up from this heaviness that I was carrying around, and I just wanted to be honest.And I thought, “What's the worst that could happen? I can lose my career”.I did.I lost my career.The show was cancelled after six years, without even telling me, I read it in the paper.The phone didn't ring for three years.I had no offers.Nobody wanted to touch me at all.Yet, I was getting letters from kids that almost committed suicide, but didn't, because of what I did.And I realised that I had a purpose.And it wasn't just about me and it wasn't about celebrity, but I felt like I was being punished...it was a bad time, I was angry, I was sad, and then I was offered a talkshow.And the people that offered me the talkshow tried to sell it.And most stations didn't want to pick it up.Most people didn't want to buy it because they thought nobody would watch me.Really when I look back on it, I wouldn't change a thing.I mean, it was so important for me to lose everything because I found out what the most important thing is, is to be true to yourself.Ultimately, that's what's gotten me to this place.I don't live in fear, I'm free, I have no secrets.and I know I'll always be ok, because no matter what, I know who I am.So In conclusion, when I was younger I thought success was something different.I thought when I grow up, I want to be famous.I want to be a star.I want to be in movies.When I grow up I want to see the world, drive nice cars, I want to have groupies.To quote the Pussycat Dolls.How many people thought it was “boobies”, by the way? It's not, it's “groupies”.But my idea of success is different today.And as you grow, you'll realise the definition of success changes.For many of you, today, success is being able to hold down 20 shots of tequila.For me, the most important thing in your life is to live your life with integrity, and not to give into peer pressure.to try to be something that you're not.To live your life as an honest and compassionate person.to contribute in some way.So to conclude my conclusion: follow your passion, stay true to yourself.Never follow anyone else's path, unless you're in the woods and you're lost and you see a path, and by all means you should follow that.Don't give advice, it will come back and bite you in the ass.Don't take anyone's advice.So my advice to you is to be true to yourself and everything will be fine.And I know that a lot of you are concerned about your future, but there's no need to worry.The economy is booming, the job market is wide open, the planet is just fine.It's gonna be great.You've already survived a hurricane.What else can happen to you? And as I mentioned before, some of the most devastating things that happen to you will teach you the most.And now you know the right questions to ask in your first job interview.Like, “Is it above sea level?”.So to conclude my conclusion that I've previously concluded, in the common cement speech, I guess what I'm trying to say is life is like one big Mardi Gras.But instead of showing your boobs, show people your brain, and if they like what they see, you'll have more beads than you know what to do with.And you'll be drunk, most of the time.So the Katrina class of 2009, I say congratulations and if you don't remember a thing I said today, remember this: you're gonna be ok, dum de dum dum dum, just dance.

第五篇：新年聯(lián)歡會單人脫口秀(精彩爆笑)

???的新年禮物

大家新年好！今天開聯(lián)歡會，沒來的同請舉手！沒人舉手啊，那大家就都到齊了哈！

首先自我介紹一下，我叫???！哎！你們都看著我干嘛！不要迷戀哥，哥只是個傳說！覺得我?guī)浟耸遣唬看蠹覄e看我個不高，關(guān)鍵時刻能像董存瑞一樣，頂著炸藥包，大家不要看我瘦，我除了骨頭全是肉，誰說我胖！怎么胖了，我三天沒吃飯才餓成這樣的，不信啊，我告訴你，我吃飽的時候，啥都不想吃，吃瓜子我也是邊吃邊吐呀，不過今天要是哪個同學請我吃烤肉或火鍋我還是愿意奉陪滴！

在新年到來之際，回顧這一年啊，我最服三個人，在這里，我要向他們表示崇高的敬意！

第一個人是我們體育老師，我的數(shù)學就是體育老師教的！夏天有天體育課后，體育老師想告訴我們下課后，同學們可以去上廁所，也可以去喝水，結(jié)果一著急，把兩句話合并了，脫口而出的是：“同學們，現(xiàn)在你們可以去廁所喝水啦！”當時啊，我們集體中暑暈倒。

第二個人呢是我老爸！昨天他接我從英語班回家，我們家可是住在三中那頭！我爸他心血來潮竟然要走回去！路上我說：爸爸，我累了。老爸對我說：咱倆數(shù)到三，爸爸就抱你走，行不行？我很高興的答應(yīng)了。然后，老爸大聲說：預備－－－——齊步走！1、2、1；1、2、1；1、2、1........就這樣，還沒數(shù)到三，我們就到家了！

至于第三個人呢？我不說他是誰，今天啊，他就在下面坐著。我說一些關(guān)于他的事，大家猜猜這個人是誰！說一只蛐蛐跟豬打賭說：我跳進草里你就看不見我，豬說：我要是看得見呢？于是蛐蛐跳進草里。豬在看，豬在看！豬還在看！豬，說你呢！咋還在看呢？！猜出來了嗎？沒猜出來咱們再來一個！

說狼來了，豬窩里亂成一團，豬媽媽安排:大豬去堵門！二豬去堵窗！當看到小豬時，豬媽來火了，大叫:老三，不要看脫口秀啦！你肉多，出去把狼引開。

猜出來了嗎？再給你最后一次機會！說一只豬和一只企鵝被關(guān)在-20℃的冷庫里,第二天企鵝死了,豬沒事.為什么?知不知道？什么？你不知道?對了,豬也不知道!

哈哈！這第三個人啊，是你，是你，就是你！就是你們這群像小豬一樣可愛的我的同學們！新年到了，祝同學們新年快樂！很高興和你們一起跨年，一起成長！希望我們卓越班的所有同學們在新的一年里健健康康，快快樂樂，好好學習，天天向上！

謝謝大家！