第一篇：ted演講稿脆弱的力量

ted演講稿脆弱的力量

歡迎來到聘才網，以下是聘才小編為大家搜索整理的，歡迎大家閱讀。ted演講稿脆弱的力量

那我就這么開始吧：幾年前，一個為我講演活動的策劃人打電話給我，她在電話里說：“我真很苦惱該如何在宣傳單上介紹你”。我心想，這有什么苦惱呢?

她繼續(xù)道：“你看，我聽過你的演講，我覺得我可以稱你為研究者。可我擔心的是，如果我這么稱呼你，沒人會來聽，因為大家普遍認為研究員是很無趣而且脫離現實?！边@說的很對。然后她說：“但是我非常喜歡你的演講，你的講演就跟講故事一樣很吸引人。我想來想去，還是覺得稱你為講故事的人比較妥當”。而那個做學術的、感到不安的我脫口而出道：“你要叫我什么?”她說：“我要稱你為講故事的人?！蔽倚南耄骸盀槭裁床桓纱嘟心Хㄐ【`?”我說：“讓我考慮一下?！?/p>

我試著鼓起勇氣。我對自己說，我是一個講故事的人。我是一個從事定性研究的科研人員。我收集故事，這就是我的工作?；蛟S故事就是有靈魂的數據?；蛟S我就是一個講故事的人。于是我說：“聽著，要不你就稱我為做研究兼講故事的人。”她大笑著說：”哈哈，沒這么個說法呀?！?/p>

所以我是個做研究兼講故事的人，我今天想跟大家談論的：我們要談論的話題是關于拓展認知。我想給你們講幾個故事是關于我的一份研究工作，這份研究從本質上拓寬了我個人的認知，也確確實實改變了我生活、愛、工作還有教育孩子的方式。我的故事從這里開始：當我還是個年輕的博士研究生的時候，第一年,一位研究教授對我們說：“事實是這樣的，如果有一個東西你無法測量，那么它就不存在。”我心想他只是在哄哄我們這些小孩子吧。我說：“真的么?”他說：“這是理所當然的?！?/p>

你知道我有一個社會工作的學士文憑，一個社會工作的碩士文憑，我當時在讀的是一個社會工作的博士文憑，所以我整個學術生涯都被人所包圍，他們大抵相信生活是一團亂麻，接受它。而我的觀點則傾向于，生活是一團亂麻，解開它，把它整理好，再歸類放入有條理的盒子里。

我當時認為我領悟到了我的方向，找到了我的工作，有能力自己去創(chuàng)一番事業(yè)。社會工作的一個重要特征是工作的環(huán)境是一團遭的不適環(huán)境。我當時想我就是要把這不適環(huán)境翻個底朝天，每科都拿到A。這就是我當時的信條。我當時真的是躍躍欲試。我想這就是我的職業(yè)生涯，因為我對亂成一團，難以處理的課題很感興趣。我想要把它們弄清楚，我想要理解它們，我想進入那些我知道是重要的東西，把它們摸個透，然后用淺顯易懂的方式呈獻給每一個人。

當時我的起點是“人與人之間的連接關系”。這是因為當你從事了10年的社會工作，你必然會發(fā)現這種連接關系就是我們活著的原因。它賦予了我們生命的意義，就是這么簡單。無論你跟誰交流，工作在社會執(zhí)法領域的也好，負責精神健康、虐待和疏于看管領域的也好，我們所知道的是，這種連接關系是一種感應的能力，生物神經上的，我們就是這么被設定的，這就是為什么我們在這里。

所以我就從連接關系開始。下面這個場景我們是再熟悉不過了，你的上司給你作工作評估，她告訴了你在37件事上你做得相當棒，但還有一點，有可以進一步提高的空間?然后你滿腦子都想著那一點提高的空間，不是么?這也是我當時研究的課題，因為當你跟人們談論愛情時，他們告訴你的是一件讓他們心碎的事;當你跟人們談論歸屬感時，他們告訴你的是最讓他們痛心地被排斥的經歷;當你跟人們談論人與人的連接關系時，他們跟我講的是如何被斷絕關系的故事。

所以很快，在大約開始研究這個課題6周以后，我遇到了一個前所未聞的東西，它以一種我不理解也從沒見過的方式，揭示了人與人之間的連接關系。所以我暫停了原先的研究計劃，我對自己說，我得弄清楚這東西到底是什么。它最終被鑒定為恥辱感。

恥辱感這個詞很容易理解，即害怕被斷絕關系。如果一些關于自己的事被別人知道了或看到了，別人會認為自己是不值得交往的人?我要告訴你們的是：這種現象很普遍;我們都會有這種想法。沒有體驗過恥辱的人是不會對人產生對愛的向往或希望建立關系。沒人想談論自己的糗事，你談論的越少，你越感到可恥。滋生恥辱感的是一種“我不夠好”的心態(tài)，我們都知道這是個什么滋味：“我不夠什么：我不夠苗條，不夠有錢，不夠漂亮，不夠聰明，職位不夠高?！?而支撐這種心態(tài)的是一種刻骨銘心的脆弱，而克服這一脆弱感的關鍵在于要有人與人之間的連系，我們必須讓自己被看見，真真切切地被看見。

你知道我怎么看待脆弱?我恨它。所以我思考著，這次是輪到我用我的標尺擊潰它的時候了。我要闖進去，把它弄清楚，我要花一年的時間，徹底瓦解恥辱，我要搞清楚脆弱是怎么運作的，然后我要智取勝過它。所以我準備好了，非常興奮。跟你預計的一樣，結果事與愿違。你們知道這個(結果)。

我現在能告訴你關于恥辱的很多東西，但那樣我就得占用別人的時間了。但我在這兒可以告訴你，歸根到底，這也許是我在從事研究的數十年中學到的最重要的東西。我當時預計的一年變成了六年，我搜集到成千上萬的故事，成千上百個采訪，焦點集中。有時人們發(fā)給我定期報道，發(fā)給我他們的故事，不計其數的數據，所有這些都發(fā)生在這六年的時間。通過這些數據，我大概掌握了它。

我以為我理解了恥辱，它的運作方式。我于是寫了一本書，我出版了一個理論，但我總覺得哪里不對勁，這么來說吧，如果我粗略地把我采訪過的人分析一下，他們可以分成兩種，一種是具有自我價值感的人，說到底就是自我價值感，他們勇于去愛并且擁有強烈的歸屬感;另一部分則是為之苦苦掙扎的人，總是懷疑自己是否足夠好的人。

區(qū)分那些敢于去愛并擁有強烈歸屬感的人和那些為之而苦苦掙扎的人的變量只有一個。那就是，那些敢于去愛并擁有強烈歸屬感的人相信他們值得被愛，值得享有歸屬感。就這么簡單。他們相信自己的價值。而對于我來說，最困難的一點是有一種東西使得人們對這種關系感到恐懼，他們認為他們不值得有這種愛和歸宿感的關系，無論從個人，還是職業(yè)上我都覺得我有必要去更深入地了解這個秘訣。所以接下來我找出所有的采訪記錄，找出那些體現自我價值的，那些持有這種觀念的記錄，集中研究它們。第一群人有什么共同之處?我對辦公用品有點癡迷，但這是另一個話題了。我拿起一個牛皮紙文件夾，還有一個三福記號筆，我心想，我該怎么給這項研究命名呢?第一個蹦入我腦子的是全心專注這個詞。這是一群全心專注、靠著一種強烈的自我價值感在生活的人們。所以我在牛皮紙夾的上端正地寫上這個詞，而后我開始查看數據。

事實上，我開始用了四天時間集中分析數據，我從頭翻出那些采訪，找出其中的故事和事件：主題是什么?有什么規(guī)律?我丈夫帶著孩子離開了小鎮(zhèn)，因為我老是陷入像杰克遜.波洛克(美國近代抽象派畫家)似的瘋狂狀態(tài)，我一直在寫，完全沉浸在研究的狀態(tài)中。

下面是我的發(fā)現：這些人的共同之處在于有勇氣。我想在這里先花片刻跟大家區(qū)分一下勇氣和膽量。勇氣，最初的定義，當它剛出現在英文里的時候，詞源來自從拉丁文的cor，意思為心，是由此演變過來的，其最初的定義是真心地敘述一個故事，告訴大家你是誰的。

所以這些人就具有勇氣承認自己不完美。他們具有愛心，先是對自己的，再是對他人的。因為，事實就是這樣：我們如果不能善待自己，我們也無法善待他人。最后一點，他們都能和他人建立關系，這是很難做到的，前提是他們必須坦誠，他們愿意放棄自己設定的那個理想的自我以換取真正的自我，這是贏得關系的必要條件。他們還有另外一個共同之處：他們欣然接受脆弱。他們相信，讓他們變得脆弱的東西也會讓他們變得美麗。他們不認為脆弱是一種容易的事，但也不認為脆弱是一種鉆心的疼痛，這應驗了我之前在關于恥辱的采訪中聽到的。他們只是簡單地認為脆弱是必須的。在采訪中他們談到，他們愿意先說出“我愛你”;愿意做那些具有風險性的事情;在做完乳房X光檢查之后，他們有勇氣等待醫(yī)生的電話結果;無論有沒有結果，他們愿意為關系情感投資。他們覺得這些都是最根本的。

我當時認為那是自欺欺人。我無法相信我盡然對科研的方式曾宣誓效忠，研究的定義是控制(變量)然后預測，去研究現象，為了一個明確的目標，進行控制并預測。而我當時這一通過控制與預測方式進行的科研任務，卻出現了這樣一個結果：要想與脆弱共存就得停止控制，停止預測，于是我崩潰了。

我稱它為崩潰，我的心理醫(yī)生稱它為靈魂的覺醒。靈魂的覺醒當然比精神崩潰要好聽得多，但我跟你說那的確是一種精神崩潰。然后我不得不暫且把數據放一邊，去求助心理醫(yī)生。讓我告訴你：你很清楚知道你自己是誰，當你打電話跟你朋友說：“我覺得我需要跟人好好談談。你有什么好的建議嗎?”

我大約有五個朋友這么回答：“喔!我可不想當你的心理醫(yī)生?！蔽艺f：“你是什么意思?”他們說：“我只是想說，別帶上你的標尺鞭子來見我?！蔽艺f：“行?！本瓦@樣我找到了一個心理醫(yī)生，她叫黛安娜。我跟她的第一次見面時，我?guī)チ艘环荼韱?，這些人都是那些全身心投入生活的生活方式，見到黛安娜，我坐下了。她說：“你好嗎?”我說：“我很好。還不賴。”她說：“發(fā)生了什么事?” 這是一個治療心理醫(yī)生的心理醫(yī)生，我們不得不去看這些心理醫(yī)生，因為他們的廢話測量儀很準(知道你什么時候在說真心話)。我說：“事情是這樣的。我很糾結?！彼f：“你糾結什么?”我說：“嗯，我跟脆弱過不去。事實上，我知道脆弱是恥辱和恐懼的根源，是我們?yōu)樽晕覂r值而掙扎的根源。但它同時又是歡樂、創(chuàng)造性、歸屬感、愛的源泉。所以我覺得我有困惑，我需要幫助指導。”我補充道：“但是，這跟家庭無關，沒有童年那些亂七八糟的事”?！拔抑皇切枰恍┎呗浴?，我接著說。戴安娜的反應是這樣的，(她學著醫(yī)生那樣，慢慢地點著頭)。我接著說：“這很糟糕，對么?”她說：“這不算好，但也不算壞”?！笆虑楸旧砭褪沁@樣”，她接著說。我說：“哦!我的天，事情全要更為混亂了!”

糾纏不清的事果然發(fā)生了，但又沒有發(fā)生。大概有一年的時間。你知道的，有些人當他們發(fā)現脆弱和溫柔很是重要的時候，他們放下所有戒備，欣然接受。我要聲明，一，這不是我，二，我朋友里面也沒有這樣的人。對我來說，那是長達一年的斗爭。是場激烈的混戰(zhàn)，脆弱打我一拳，我又還擊它一拳。最后我輸了，但我或許贏回了我的生活。

然后我再度投入到了我的研究中，又花了幾年時間真正試圖去理解那些全身心投入生活的人，他們做了怎樣的決定?他們是如何應對脆弱的?為什么我們?yōu)橹纯鄴暝?我是獨自在跟脆弱斗爭嗎?不是。這是我學到的：我們對脆弱開始麻痹了，(例如)當我們等待(醫(yī)生)電話的時候。好笑的是，我在Twitter微博和Facebook上發(fā)布了一條信息：“你怎樣定義脆弱?什么會讓你感到脆弱?”在一個半小時內，我收到了150條回復。因為我想知道大家都是怎么想的。

當時我不得不請求丈夫幫忙，因為我病了，而且我們剛結婚。跟丈夫提出要做愛;跟妻子提出要做愛;被拒絕;約某人出來;等待醫(yī)生的答復;被裁員;裁掉別人，這就是我們生活的世界。我們活在一個脆弱的世界里。

我們應對的方法之一是麻痹脆弱。我覺得這不是沒有依據，這也不是依據存在的唯一理由。我認為我們當代問題的一大部分都可以歸咎于它。在美國歷史上，我們是欠債最多、肥胖、毒癮、用藥最為嚴重的一代。問題是，我從研究中認識到，你無法選擇性地麻痹感情。你不能說，這些是不好的。這是脆弱，這是悲哀，這是恥辱，這是恐懼，這是失望，我不想要這些情感。我要去喝幾瓶啤酒，吃個香蕉堅果松餅。我不想要這些情感。我知道臺下傳來的是會意的笑聲。別忘了，我是靠“入侵”你們的生活過日子的。天哪，我的上帝.你無法只麻痹那些痛苦的情感而不麻痹所有的感官，所有的情感。你無法有選擇性地去麻痹。當我們麻痹那些(消極的情感)，我們也麻痹了歡樂，麻痹了感恩，麻痹了幸福。然后我們會變得痛不欲生，我們繼而尋找生命的意義，然后我們感到脆弱，然后我們喝幾瓶啤酒，吃個香蕉堅果松餅。危險的循環(huán)就這樣這形成了。我們需要思考的一件事是我們是為什么、怎么樣麻痹自己的?這不一定是指吸毒。我們麻痹自己的另一個方式是把不確定的事變得確定。宗教已經從一種信仰、一種對不可知的相信變成了確定。我是對的，你是錯的。閉嘴。就是這樣。只要是確定的就是好的。我們越是害怕，我們就越脆弱，然后我們變得愈加害怕，這件就是當今政治的現狀。探討已經不復存在。對話已經蕩然無存。有的僅僅是指責。你知道研究領域是如何描述指責的嗎?一種發(fā)泄痛苦與不快的方式。

我們追求完美。如果有人想這樣塑造他的生活，那個人就是我，但這行不通。因為我們做的只是把屁股上的贅肉挪到我們的臉上。這真是，我希望一百年以后，當人們回過頭來會不禁感嘆：“哇!”這是最危險的，我們想要我們的孩子變得完美。讓我告訴你我們是如何看待孩子的。從他們出生的那刻起，他們就注定要掙扎。當你把這些完美的寶寶抱在懷里的時候，我們的任務不是說：“看看她，她完美的無可挑剔”。而是確保她保持完美：保證她五年級的時候可以進網球隊，七年級的時候穩(wěn)進耶魯。那不是我們的任務!我們的任務是注視著她，對她說，“你知道嗎?你并不完美，你注定要奮斗，但你值得被愛，值得享有歸屬感”，這才是我們的職責。讓我看來，用這種方式培養(yǎng)出來的一代孩子，我保證我們今天所有的問題會得到解決。

我們假裝我們的行為不會影響他人。不僅在我們個人生活中我們這么做，在公司中也一樣：無論是提供緊急資助避免公司倒閉，石油泄漏事故，還是有疵產品的召回。我們假裝我們做的事對他人不會造成什么大影響。我想對這些公司說：嘿，這不是我們第一次牛仔式的野蠻競技。我們只要你坦誠地，真心地說一句：“對不起，我們會很好處理這個問題”。

但還有一種方法，我把它留給你們。這是我的心得：卸下我們的面具，讓我們被看見，深入地被看見，即便是脆弱的一面;不管有多大的風險，全心全意地去愛，這是最困難的。

我也可以告訴你，我作為一名孩子的父母，這個非常非常困難的：帶著一顆感恩的心，保持快樂，哪怕是在最恐懼的時候，哪怕我們懷疑：“我能不能愛得這么深?我能不能如此熱情地相信這份感情?我能不能如此矢志不渝?”在消極的時候能夠扛得住，而不是一味地幻想事情會如何變得更糟。對自己說：“我已經很感恩了，因為能感受到這種脆弱，這意味著我還活著?！?/p>

最后，還有最重要的一點，那就是相信我們已經做得夠好了。因為我相信當我們在一個讓人覺得“我已經足夠了”的環(huán)境中打拼的時候，我們會停止抱怨，開始傾聽，我們會對周圍的人會更友善，更溫和，對自己也會更友善，更溫和。

這就是我演講的全部內容。謝謝大家。

第二篇：Ted 演講稿 脆弱的力量

Brene Brown： The power of vulnerability So, I'll start with this: a couple years ago, an event planner called me because I was going to do a speaking event.And she called, and she said, “I'm really struggling with how to write about you on the little flier.” And I thought, “Well, what's the struggle?” And she said, “Well, I saw you speak, and I'm going to call you a researcher, I think, but I'm afraid if I call you a researcher, no one will come, because they'll think you're boring and irrelevant.”(Laughter)And I was like, “Okay.” And she said, “But the thing I liked about your talk is you're a storyteller.So I think what I'll do is just call you a storyteller.” And of course, the academic, insecure part of me was like, “You're going to call me a what?” And she said, “I'm going to call you a storyteller.” And I was like, “Why not magic pixie?”(Laughter)I was like, “Let me think about this for a second.” I tried to call deep on my courage.And I thought, you know, I am a storyteller.I'm a qualitative researcher.I collect stories;that's what I do.And maybe stories are just data with a soul.And maybe I'm just a storyteller.And so I said, “You know what? Why don't you just say I'm a researcher-storyteller.” And she went, “Haha.There's no such thing.”(Laughter)So I'm a researcher-storyteller, and I'm going to talk to you today--we're talking about expanding perception--and so I want to talk to you and tell some stories about a piece of my research that fundamentally expanded my perception and really actually changed the way that I live and love and work and parent.And this is where my story starts.When I was a young researcher, doctoral student, my first year I had a research professor who said to us, “Here's the thing, if you cannot measure it, it does not exist.” And I thought he was just sweet-talking me.I was like, “Really?” and he was like, “Absolutely.” And so you have to understand that I have a bachelor's in social work, a master's in social work, and I was getting my Ph.D.in social work, so my entire academic career was surrounded by people who kind of believed in the “l(fā)ife's messy, love it.” And I'm more of the, “l(fā)ife's messy, clean it up, organize it and put it into a bento box.”(Laughter)And so to think that I had found my way, to found a career that takes me--really, one of the big sayings in social work is, “Lean into the discomfort of the work.” And I'm like, knock discomfort upside the head and move it over and get all A's.That was my mantra.So I was very excited about this.And so I thought, you know what, this is the career for me, because I am interested in some messy topics.But I want to be able to make them not messy.I want to understand them.I want to hack into these things I know are important and lay the code out for everyone to see.So where I started was with connection.Because, by the time you're a social worker for 10 years, what you realize is that connection is why we're here.It's what gives purpose and meaning to our lives.This is what it's all about.It doesn't matter whether you talk to peoplewho work in social justice and mental health and abuse and neglect, what we know is that connection, the ability to feel connected, is--neurobiologically that's how we're wired--it's why we're here.So I thought, you know what, I'm going to start with connection.Well, you know that situation where you get an evaluation from your boss, and she tells you 37 things you do really awesome, and

one

thing

--

an

“opportunity

for growth?”(Laughter)And all you can think about is that opportunity for growth, right? Well, apparently this is the way my work went as well, because, when you ask people about love, they tell you about heartbreak.When you ask people about belonging, they'll tell you their most excruciating experiences of being excluded.And when you ask people about connection, the stories they told me were about disconnection.So very quickly--really about six weeks into this research--I ran into this unnamed thing that absolutely unraveled connection in a way that I didn't understand or had never seen.And so I pulled back out of the research and thought, I need to figure out what this is.And it turned out to be shame.And shame is really easily understood as the fear of disconnection: Is there something about me that, if other people know it or see it, that I won't be worthy of connection? The things I can tell you about it: it's universal;we all have it.The only people who don't experience shame have no capacity for human empathy or connection.No one wants to talk about it, and the less you talk about it the more you have it.What underpinned this shame, this “I'm not good enough,”--which we all know that feeling: “I'm not blank enough.I'm not thin enough, rich enough, beautiful enough, smart enough, promoted enough.” The thing

that

underpinned

this was

excruciating vulnerability, this idea of, in order for connection to happen, we have to allow ourselves to be seen, really seen.And you know how I feel about vulnerability.I hate vulnerability.And so I thought, this is my chance to beat it back with my measuring stick.I'm going in, I'm going to figure this stuff out,I'm going to spend a year, I'm going to totally deconstruct shame, I'm going to understand how vulnerability works, and I'm going to outsmart it.So I was ready, and I was really excited.As you know, it's not going to turn out well.(Laughter)You know this.So, I could tell you a lot about shame, but I'd have to borrow everyone else's time.But here's what I can tell you that it boils down to--and this may be one of the most important things that I've ever learned in the decade of doing this research.My one year turned into six years: thousands of stories,hundreds of long interviews, focus groups.At one point, people were sending me journal pagesand sending me their stories--thousands of pieces of data in six years.And I kind of got a handle on it.I kind of understood, this is what shame is, this is how it works.I wrote a book, I published a theory, but something was not okay--and what it was is that, if I roughly took the people I interviewed and divided them into people who really have a sense of worthiness--that's what this comes down to, a sense of worthiness--they have a strong sense of love and belonging--and folks who struggle for it, and folks who are always wondering if they're good enough.There was only one variable that separated the people who have a strong sense of love and belonging and the people who really struggle for it.And that was, the people who have a strong sense of love and belonging believe they're worthy of love and belonging.That's it.They believe they're worthy.And to me, the hard part of the one thing that keeps us out of connection is our fear that we're not worthy of connection, was something that, personally and professionally, I felt like I needed to understand better.So what I did is I took all of the interviews where I saw worthiness, where I saw people living that way, and just looked at those.What do these people have in common? I have a slight office supply addiction, but that's another talk.So I had a manila folder, and I had a Sharpie, and I was like, what am I going to call this research? And the first words that came to my mind were whole-hearted.These are whole-hearted people, living from this deep sense of worthiness.So I wrote at the top of the manila folder, and I started looking at the data.In fact, I did it first in a four-day very intensive data analysis, where I went back, pulled these interviews, pulled the stories, pulled the incidents.What's the theme? What's the pattern? My husband left town with the kids because I always go into this Jackson Pollock crazy thing, where I'm just like writing and in my researcher mode.And so here's what I found.What they had in common was a sense of courage.And I want to separate courage and bravery for you for a minute.Courage, the original definition of courage,when it first came into the English language--it's from the Latin word cor, meaning heart--and the original definition was to tell the story of who you are with your whole heart.And so these folks had, very simply, the courage to be imperfect.They had the compassion to be kind to themselves first and then to others, because, as it turns out, we can't practice compassion with other people if we can't treat ourselves kindly.And the last was they had connection, and--this was the hard part--as a result of authenticity, they were willing to let go of who they thought they should be in order to be who they were, which you have to absolutely do thatfor connection.The other thing that they had in common was this: They fully embraced vulnerability.They believed that what made them vulnerable made them beautiful.They didn't talk about vulnerability being comfortable, nor did they really talk about it being excruciating--as I had heard it earlier in the shame interviewing.They just talked about it being necessary.They talked about the willingness to say, “I love you” first, the willingness to do something where there are no guarantees, the willingness to breathe through waiting for the doctor to call after your mammogram.They're willing to invest in a relationship that may or may not work out.They thought this was fundamental.I personally thought it was betrayal.I could not believe I had pledged allegiance to research, where our job--you know, the definition of research is to control and predict, to study phenomena, for the explicit reason to control and predict.And now my mission to control and predict had turned up the answer that the way to live is with vulnerability and to stop controlling and predicting.This led to a little breakdown--(Laughter)--which actually looked more like this.(Laughter)And it did.I call it a breakdown;my therapist calls it a spiritual awakening.A spiritual awakening sounds better than breakdown, but I assure you it was a breakdown.And I had to put my data away and go find a therapist.Let me tell you something: you know who you are when you call your friends and say, “I think I need to see somebody.Do you have any recommendations?” Because about five of my friends were like, “Wooo.I wouldn't want to be your therapist.”(Laughter)I was like, “What does that mean?” And they're like, “I'm just saying, you know.Don't bring your measuring stick.” I was like, “Okay.” So I found a therapist.My first meeting with her, Diana--I brought in my list of the way the whole-hearted live, and I sat down.And she said, “How are you?” And I said, “I'm great.I'm okay.” She said, “What's going on?” And this is a therapist who sees therapists, because we have to go to those, because their B.S.meters are good.(Laughter)And so I said, “Here's the thing, I'm struggling.” And she said, “What's the struggle?” And I said, “Well, I have a vulnerability issue.And I know that vulnerability is the core of shame and fear and our struggle for worthiness, but it appears that it's also the birthplace of joy, of creativity, of belonging, of love.And I think I have a problem, and I need some help.” And I said, “But here's the thing: no family stuff, no childhood shit.”(Laughter)“I

just you.So

need she

goes

some like strategies.”(Laughter)(Applause)Thank this.(Laughter)And then I said, “It's bad, right?” And she said, “It's neither good nor bad.”(Laughter)“It just is what it is.” And I said, “Oh my God, this is going to suck.”(Laughter)And it did, and it didn't.And it took about a year.And you know how there are people that, when they realize that vulnerability and tenderness are important, that they surrender and walk into it.A: that's not me, and B: I don't even hang out with people like that.(Laughter)For me, it was a yearlong street fight.It was a slugfest.Vulnerability pushed, I pushed back.I lost the fight, but probably won my life back.And so then I went back into the research and spent the next couple of years really trying to understand what they, the whole-hearted, what choices they were

making, and

what

are

we

doing with vulnerability.Why do we struggle with it so much? Am I alone in struggling with vulnerability? No.So this is what I learned.We numb vulnerability--when we're waiting for the call.It was funny, I sent something out on Twitter and on Facebook that says, “How would you define vulnerability? What makes you feel vulnerable?” And within an hour and a half, I had 150 responses.Because I wanted to know what's out there.Having to ask my husband for help because I'm sick, and we're newly married;initiating sex with my husband;initiating sex with my wife;being turned down;asking someone out;waiting for the doctor to call back;getting laid off;laying off people--this is the world we live in.We live in a vulnerable world.And one of the ways we deal with it is we numb vulnerability.And I think there's evidence--and it's not the only reason this evidence exists, but I think it's a huge cause--we are the most in-debt, obese, addicted and medicated adult cohort in U.S.history.The problem is--and I learned this from the research--that you cannot selectively numb emotion.You can't say, here's the bad stuff.Here's vulnerability, here's

grief，here's

shame, here's

fear，here's disappointment.I don't want to feel these.I'm going to have a couple of beers and a banana nut muffin.(Laughter)I don't want to feel these.And I know that's knowing laughter.I hack into your lives for a living.God.(Laughter)You can't numb those hard feelings without numbing the other affects, our emotions.You cannot selectively numb.So when we numb those, we numb joy, we numb gratitude, we numb happiness.And then we are miserable, and we are looking for purpose and meaning, and then we feel vulnerable, so then we have a couple of beers and a banana nut muffin.And it becomes this dangerous cycle.One of the things that I think we need to think about is why and how we numb.And it doesn't just have to be addiction.The other thing we do is we make everything that's uncertain certain.Religion has gone from a belief in faith and mystery to certainty.I'm right, you're wrong.Shut up.That's it.Just certain.The more afraid we are, the more vulnerable we are, the more afraid we are.This is what politics looks like today.There's no discourse anymore.There's no conversation.There's just blame.You know how blame is described in the research? A way to discharge pain and discomfort.We perfect.If there's anyone who wants their life to look like this, it would be me, but it doesn't work.Because what we do is we take fat from our butts and put it in our cheeks.(Laughter)Which just, I hope in 100 years, people will look back and go, “Wow.”(Laughter)And we perfect, most dangerously, our children.Let me tell you what we think about children.They're hardwired for struggle when they get here.And when you hold those perfect little babies in your hand, our job is not to say, “Look at her, she's perfect.My job is just to keep her perfect--make sure she makes the tennis team by fifth grade and Yale by seventh grade.”That's not our job.Our job is to look and say, “You know what? You're imperfect, and you're wired for struggle, but you are worthy of love and belonging.” That's our job.Show me a generation of kids raised like that, and we'll end the problems I think that we see today.We pretend that what we do doesn't have an effect on people.We do that in our personal lives.We do that corporate--whether it's a bailout, an oil spill, a recall--we pretend like what we're doing doesn't have a huge impact on other people.I would say to companies, this is not our first rodeo, people.We just need you to be authentic and real and say, “We're sorry.We'll fix it.” But there's another way, and I'll leave you with this.This is what I have found: to let ourselves be seen, deeply seen, vulnerably seen;to love with our whole hearts, even though there's no guarantee--and that's really hard, and I can tell you as a parent, that's excruciatingly difficult--to practice gratitude and joy in those moments of terror, when we're wondering, “Can I love you this much? Can I believe in this this passionately? Can I be this fierce about this?” just to be able to stop and, instead of catastrophizing what might happen, to say, “I'm just so grateful, because to feel this vulnerable means I'm alive.” And the last, which I think is probably the most important, is to believe that we're enough.Because when we work from a place, I believe, that says, “I'm enough,” then we stop screaming and start listening, we're kinder and gentler to the people around us, and we're kinder and gentler to ourselves.That's all I have.Thank you.(Applause)

第三篇：脆弱的力量演講稿（本站推薦）

脆弱的力量演講稿

今天我要講一份研究，這份研究從本質上拓寬了我個人的認知，也確確實實改變了我的生活、愛、工作還有教育孩子的方式。

我是個社會學的學士、碩士和博士，我被人所包圍，大家都認同:“生活是一團亂麻，接受它?！倍业挠^點傾向于:“生活是一團亂麻，解開它，把它整理好，再歸類放入便當盒里。”我對亂成一團、難以處理的問題感興趣，我想要把它們弄清楚，我想要理解它們，我想侵入那些我認為重要的東西，把它們摸透，然后用淺顯易懂的方式呈獻給每一個人。所以我的起點是“關系”。

當你從事了10年的社會工作，你必然會發(fā)現，關系是我們活著的原因。它賦予了我們生命的意義。無論你跟誰交流，我們發(fā)現，關系是一種感應的能力——生物神經上，我們是這么被設定的。所以我從關系開始。

下面這個場景我們再熟悉不過了，你的上司給你做工作評估，她告訴了你37點你做得相當棒的地方，還有一點——成長的空間？然后你滿腦子都想著那一點成長的空間，不是嗎？當你跟人們談論愛情，他們告訴你的是一件讓他們心碎的事；當你跟人們談論歸屬感，他們告訴你的是最讓他們痛心的被排斥的經歷；當你和他們談論關系，他們跟你講的是如何被斷絕關系的故事。終于，在開始研究六周以后，我遇到了這個聞所未聞的東西，它揭示了關系——以一種我不理解也從沒見過的方

式。所以我停止了研究，對自己說，我得弄清楚這到底是什么。它最終被鑒定為恥辱感。

恥辱感很容易理解，即害怕被斷絕關系。有沒有一些關于我的事，如果別人知道了或看到了，會認為我不值得交往。我想告訴你們的是：沒有體驗過恥辱的人，不具有人類的同情或關系。沒人想談論自己的糗事，你談論得越少，表明你越感到可恥。滋生恥辱感的，是一種“我不夠好”的心態(tài)。我們都知道這是個什么滋味：我不夠苗條、不夠有錢、不夠漂亮、不夠聰明、職位不夠高。而支撐這種心態(tài)的，是一種刻骨銘心的脆 弱。關鍵在于，要想產生關系，我們必須讓自己被看見，真真切切地被看見。你知道我怎么看待脆弱，我恨它。所以這次我思考著，這次該是我用我的標尺擊潰它的時候了。我要闖進去，我要花一年的時間，徹底瓦解恥辱。我要搞清楚脆弱是怎么運作的，然后我要智取勝過它。所以我準備好了，我要勝過它——但事與愿違。在這里我要告訴你，這也許是我十年的研究中學到的最重要的東西。我粗略地把我采訪過的人分成——具有自我價值感的人，說到底就是，他們勇于去愛并且擁有強烈的歸屬感；另一部分則是為之苦苦掙扎的人，總是懷疑自己是否足夠好的人。區(qū)分二者之間的變量只有一個，就是前者相信他們值得被愛，值得享有歸屬感，他們相信自己的價值，就是這么簡單。

而對于我，那個阻礙人與人之間關系的最困難的部分，是我們對于自己不值得享有這種關系的恐懼，無論是從個人還是職業(yè)上，我都覺得我有必要去深入地了解它。于是我找出所有前一種人的采訪記錄，想知道

這群人有什么共同之處。第一個蹦出我腦子的，是全心全意這個詞。這是一群全心全意、靠著一種強烈的自我價值感在生活的人們。這群人的共同之處是，首先他們有勇氣。我想在這里先花一分鐘跟大家區(qū)分一下勇氣和膽量。勇氣，最初的定義是真心地敘述一個故事，告訴大家你是誰。所以這些人，就具有勇氣，承認自己不完美。第二，他們具有同情心，先是對自己的，再是對他人的。因為事實是，我們如果不能善待自己，我們也無法善待他人。然后，他們都能和他人建立關系。這是很難做到的，前提是他們必須坦誠，他們愿意放開自己設定的那個理想的自我，以換取真正的自我。這是贏得關系的必要條件。他們還有另外一個共同之處，就是他們全然接受脆弱。他們相信，讓他們變得脆弱的東西，也讓他們變得美麗。他們不認為脆弱是尋求舒適，也不認為脆弱是鉆心的疼痛——他們只是簡單地認為脆弱是必須的。他們會談到愿意說出“我愛你”；愿意做一些沒有擔保抵押的事情；愿意在做完乳房X光檢查后安心等待醫(yī)生的電話；他們愿意為情感投資，無論有沒有結果——他們覺得這些都是最根本的。有些人，他們發(fā)現脆弱和溫柔很重要的時候，他們放下所有戒備，欣然接受。有一年的時間，脆弱打我一拳我還它一拳，最后我輸了，但我或許贏回了我的生活。我又回到我的研究中，真正試圖去理解那些全身心投入生活的人，他們做了怎樣的決定，他們是怎樣應對脆弱的。為什么我們?yōu)橹纯鄴暝?？我是獨自在與脆弱做斗爭嗎？不是。

我們生活在一個脆弱的世界里，我們應對的方式之一，就是麻痹脆弱。但是你無法選擇性地麻痹感情。你不能說，這是不好的——這是脆弱、悲哀、恥辱、恐懼、失望，我不想要這些情感，我要去喝幾瓶啤酒，吃個香蕉堅果松餅。你無法只麻痹那些不好的情感，而不麻痹所有的感官、所有的情感。當我們麻痹那些消極的情感，我們也麻痹了歡樂、感恩、幸福。然后我們會變得痛不欲生，我們繼而尋找生命的意義，然后我們感到脆弱，然后我們喝幾瓶啤酒，吃個香蕉堅果松餅。危險的循環(huán)就這樣形成了。

我們麻痹自己的另一個方式是，把不確定的事變得確定。只要確定的就是好的。我們越是害怕，就越脆弱，然后我們變得更加害怕。這就是當今政治的現狀。探討和對話蕩然無存，有的只是指責，指責是一種發(fā)泄痛苦與不快的方式。我們追求完美，但這行不通。我們想要我們的孩子變得完美——這是最危險的。讓我告訴你我們是如何看待孩子的。從他們出生的那刻起，他們就注定要掙扎，我們的任務是告訴他：“你知道嗎？你并不完美，你注定要奮斗，但你值得被愛，值得享有歸屬感。”給我看用這種方式培養(yǎng)出來的一代孩子，我保證我們今天所有的問題會得到解決。

我們假裝我們的行為不會影響他人，我們在工作和生活中都這樣做，無論是原油泄漏還是產品召回，我們假裝我們的行為對他人不會造成什么大影響。我想對這些公司說，這不是第一次牛仔競技，我們只要你坦誠地、真心地說一句：對不起，我們會處理這個問題。

還有一個方法我要告訴你們，這是我的心得：卸下我們的面具，讓我們被看見。深入地被看見，即便是脆弱的一面；全心全意地去愛，盡

管沒有任何擔保。哪怕是在最恐懼的時候，哪怕我們懷疑：“我能不能愛得這么深？我能不能如此熱情地相信這份感情？我能不能如此矢志不渝？”；帶著感恩的心，保持快樂。消極的時候打住，而不是一味地幻想事情會如何變得更糟，對自己說：“我已經很感恩了，因為能感受到這種脆弱，這意味著我還活著?！弊詈?，還有最重要的一點，那就是相信我們已經做得夠好了。因為我相信當我們在一個讓人覺得“我已經夠好了”的環(huán)境中打拼的時候，我們會停止抱怨、開始傾聽，我們會對周圍的人更友善、更溫和，對自己也會更友善、更溫和。

第四篇：Ted語言的力量演講稿2020[范文模版]

語言是文化戰(zhàn)爭中最基本的武器。這就像是我們的步槍，我們每一人都擁有，我們可以用它去塑造一個中國的形象。一起來看看Ted語言的力量演講稿2020，歡迎查閱!

Ted語言的力量演講稿1

放學回家，我把比大秤砣還重的書包放在沙發(fā)上，就開始寫作業(yè)，剛寫了五六個字，肚子就叫得比喇叭都要響。于是我就跑到廚房里，向媽媽討口飯吃。忽然想起了老師留的三句話，就趕緊對媽媽說了。

我說了第一句：“媽媽，您辛苦了!”剛說完，媽媽就回敬我一句：“你缺心眼呀，沒看見我正在做菜嗎?”看來這句話不好使，我再來說第二句話。于是我又說：“媽媽，您歇會兒吧!”可媽媽又說：“你是不是喝了迷魂湯了，沒看見我正在忙著呢嗎?我歇了，你吃什么，難道你還能吃草呀?”看來這句話還不行，我還得把第三句話給用上，我就對媽媽說：“那媽媽，我來幫您吧!”“你可得了吧，你做的菜比臭豆腐還難吃，趕快去寫作業(yè)吧!”

唉，說了這么多，媽媽連個笑臉都沒有，反而被澆了一盆涼水，要不是老師留了這三句話的作業(yè)，我才不討這沒趣呢。媽媽肯定是忙壞了，才對我的關心漠然處之。媽媽的話也真夠打擊人的了，這樣的話以后還要不要再說呢?不知道。

這使我想起了聾青蛙的故事。那個故事發(fā)生在一個大土坑里。兩只青蛙掉進了深坑，怎么也跳不出來，其它的青蛙都勸它們，不要費力氣了，出不來的。其中一只倒地死去，可另一只青蛙是聾子，以為它們在鼓勵它，就一直跳，最后它終于跳了出來。

這讓我知道了語言的力量是多么神奇!不要吝嗇你的贊美之辭，感激之情，把它說出來，這個世界會更美麗。

Ted語言的力量演講稿2

大家好!我是來自某年某班的某某，今天我演講的題目是《語言的力量》。

古語有云“沉默是金”，但在我的眼里，沉默是鐵。

我曾看過一篇文章，講的是一個剛步入社會的青年由于總是秉承“多干少說”的觀念做事，不去展露自己的才能，導致失去了一個很重要的機會。這個故事不正是我們大多數人的真實寫照嗎?語言，一定要表達出來，才能發(fā)揮它的力量。更何況，我們生活在一個信息如此發(fā)達的時代，不去表達怎么行呢?

時代在變，人自然也要緊隨其后。人們總說“眼睛是心靈的窗戶”，那么同樣也可以說：語言是智慧的殿堂。若是將這些觀點引入歷史之中，不也有很多鮮活的例子嗎?例如，婦嬬皆知的諸葛亮舌戰(zhàn)群儒、墨子勸楚、晏子使楚……

我們不能說任何語言都是好的，因為總有那么一些人云亦云的語言，可是也有那么多好的語言供我作文http://004km.cn/們學習品鑒，難道不是?

語言往往是促進社會發(fā)展的一大推力。人類剛誕生時，“集體”這個概念對他們來說，是可有可無。但人類的眾多分支里，智人卻憑借著“講八卦”的能力，形成了比其他人類分支更為龐大的集體，并最終憑借這項能力消滅了其他人類分支，稱霸地球。

可能有人會問，憑什么說是語言的力量讓他們統治地球的?

我可以這樣回答你：語言的最初作用就是凝聚人心。在其他人類分支還忙于狩獵采集時，我們的祖先就憑借著一時的奇思妙想，學會了其他人類分支還未學到的“講八卦”，這也是他們能成功聚在一起的重要原因之一。

語言是最甘甜的瓊漿，是最珍貴的寶藏，同時也是這個世上最美的贊歌。語言的力量，永遠是智慧殿堂里最強大的武器。讓我們學好語言，正確運用語言的強大力量吧!

謝謝大家，我的演講完畢!

Ted語言的力量演講稿3

希特勒曾經說過：“推動歷史發(fā)展的只有兩種力量，宗教的力量和語言的力量?！?/p>

語言的力量!他自己就是一個語言家，正是他的言語將他推上了至高無上的政治王座。變得無比瘋狂，強大。再回想我國古代，戰(zhàn)國時期，七國爭霸，那些縱橫于政治舞臺之上，活躍于各國之間，最終留名青史的人，不也都是靠著一條三寸不爛之舌嗎?語言的力量，推動歷史的力量!

中國人越來越愛說朝鮮人民的笑話了，越來越愛說這個致力于讓人民吃上米飯的國家的笑話了，這個住著世界上最幸福的人民的國家。

朝鮮人民說：“這個世界上，我們是最幸福!”

朝鮮人來到了中國探親，忽遇一農家小院，遂入，發(fā)現地上有一鐵碗，里面盛滿了白米飯，還有一些肉片，想不起自己是在多少年前吃過這樣的飯了，她異常感動，“中國人民其實真幸福!”正當這時，這家的草狗跑進來，或論好聽一點中國田園犬，回來吃飯了，而飯就是地上那碗……

又記一朝鮮官員來到中國考察，西裝革履，十分體面，中國人民當然也十分好客，夜夜都是五星級，待他走了，中國人傻了眼，五星級賓館，被洗劫空了……

記得我們小學老師論過：“去朝鮮，就可以有大富翁的感覺……”

雖然事實十分殘酷，但中國人這樣不好，幸災樂禍，更何況自己也好不到哪里去，最后還傷害了人家民族自尊心。

又想起了那句“這世界上，我們最幸?！钡目谔?，但這一次，它卻是如此的空洞，飄渺，微弱。朝鮮人民萬歲，共產主義萬歲!

語言，是事實的表現，是時代批評者的利劍，事實家的武器。但當其與事實不負，甚至相互矛盾時，他的力量終究也只是一時的，強大卻稍縱即逝。

回首歷史，強大的德意志終是灰飛煙滅，希特勒死于殘垣斷壁之中，六國雖在說客的舌下聯合抗秦，但最終還是為強秦所征服。語言家所創(chuàng)造出的歷史，最終還是被歷史大潮所湮滅。

這就是語言的力量，所謂創(chuàng)造歷史的力量，賣弄它的小丑們呀!終會為歷史所唾棄。

Ted語言的力量演講稿4

我家鄰居劉老師，人稱劉老，他自稱劉姥姥。54歲那年，他從教學第一線退下來，決定去私立學校打工，以實現旅游兼考察的計劃。

一天，劉姥姥打開電腦，在網上尋找用人單位，選中一家，他便發(fā)去一封長信，全面介紹自己。從本科畢業(yè)到教研組長，從年年獲獎到15年任教高三畢業(yè)班，洋洋灑灑千余字，他把信投入信箱，像發(fā)出請柬，專等客人的到來。可是等來的是不快：對方問他是不是特級教師，他像受到了污辱，便不再搭理人家。

第二天，劉姥姥繼續(xù)尋思招聘的事。打開電腦，讀著昨天的信，他笑了，平庸，沒一點特色，還語文教師呢。在言不由衷的吹噓隨處可見的時代，你誠懇之至，甚至脫得光光，一絲不掛地站到別人面前，未必就能得到他的信任;相反只給他一個朦朧的背影，說不定他會追著要見你呢。于是，他將長信濃縮成一組

數字排比：“有一位高中語文教師，54歲年齡，44歲精力，34歲抱負，24歲飯量，沒有特級教師的光環(huán)，但有特別驕人的業(yè)績，愿借貴校平臺施展自己的教學才華，不知賞識否?”他把短信發(fā)給一所學校，說來也巧，第二天，校長就打來電話，讓他前去應試。

在這所學校干了一年，劉姥姥又帶著特制的名片去拜訪另一所學校。他趕到該校，負責人不在，只有招生部一位女士在班。他說明來意，女士斷然回絕：“學校不缺語文教師?！眲⒗牙烟统雒?，女士接過一看，一組數字呈現在她的眼前：55歲年齡，45歲精力，35歲抱負，25歲飯量。女士看罷數字，臉上多云轉晴，笑著說：“劉老師真會說話。”劉姥姥說：“說和寫是語文教師的專長，如果能和你同事，一定與你好好切磋說和寫問題?！迸恳桓南惹暗膽B(tài)度：“劉老師，我一定向校長推薦你?！睅滋旌?，劉姥姥接到了這所學校的電話，排比句又一次征服了招聘單位。

兩年后，劉姥姥想去北京闖蕩。一家高考復習班招聘語文教師，言明只招中青年教師。劉姥姥相信自己的實力，更相信語言的力量，再一次改動排比句，把它編進電子郵件：“劉某某，男，57歲年齡，47歲精力，37歲抱負，27歲飯量，沒有特級教師的光環(huán)，但有特別驕人的業(yè)績，你給我一個平臺，我還你一個驚喜?！迸疟染湓俅伟l(fā)生效力，校長電話邀請，很快在北京見面。

有人崇拜權力，權力是一種力量，其實語言又何嘗不是一種力量呢!劉姥姥今年58，明年59，相信他還會用他智慧的語言贏得更多的信任和尊重，在人生舞臺上演出更精彩的節(jié)目。

Ted語言的力量演講稿5

每當打開博客網頁，總是先看看自己上一次發(fā)表的文章題目后面是否掛上了個“精”字，如果有個“精”字，總是心花怒放，手舞足蹈。明明知道自己的文章怎么也拿不上大雅之堂，何談得上是精品文章，老師給個好的評價，也只不過是對自己的鼓勵和鞭策罷了。然而，為什么如此在乎，如此興奮，想了好久，還是難以用幾句話準確無誤地表達出來。幾年前我的鄰居李老師給我講的發(fā)生在他的同事身上的故事對我表達或者很有幫助。

下面就聽聽這個故事吧。

李老師的同事姓王，對書法很是興趣，經常利用課余時間練筆，不少同學經常圍攏在他身邊，耳濡目染，自然影響了很多學生。學生自發(fā)成立了一個書法興趣小組，請王老師予以指導。由于是初中學生，而且是沒有任何門檻的自愿參加，因此水平低、參差不齊是在所難免了。一次，一個學習成績平平的男孩很拘禁的將自己的習作遞給了王老師，王老師仔細端詳了好幾遍怎么也找不出什么優(yōu)點，筆畫似鋸齒，結構不嚴禁，但是王老師微微一笑用“不錯，豎直，橫平”的言語進行鼓勵。過了幾天，這個男孩又捧著自己的習作來到王老師的面前，顯然這次大方多了，王老師看了看他的習作，又評價到：“不錯，筆劃勻稱，結構也較嚴緊”。兩年過去了，在畢業(yè)那年，這個男孩不但成了一個書法特招生，而且在他所考取的學校中專業(yè)課成績第一名。男孩捧著特招通知書，向王老師道謝，王老師依然是那一句的“不錯……”

看著這個男孩，學校的老師、家長不禁感慨萬千。語言力量如此之大，如果第一次王老師看到他的習作后，指三道四，這也不行，那也不該，橫挑鼻子豎挑眼，也就少了一個書法愛好者，也就少了一個書法專業(yè)特招生，多了一個家庭思想包袱，因為憑他的學習成績說什么也不會升入高的一級學校深造。這就是為人師的藝術，以寬容之心，以長遠的目光，發(fā)現和培養(yǎng)學生興趣，循循善誘，培養(yǎng)學生身上每一個閃光點，靜靜等待百煉成鋼的那一天。

故事結束了。聽這個故事的你是否和我一樣的想法：我們這里的老師也是這樣，因為他們知道，老師的一句溫馨的話語，一點小小的鼓勵，對于我們也許是一輩子的文字情緣。

Ted語言的力量演講稿2020

第五篇：The power of vulnerability 脆弱的力量

So, I'll start with this: a couple years ago, an event planner called me because I was going to do a speaking event.And she called, and she said, “I'm really struggling with how to write about you on the little flyer.” And I thought, “Well, what's the struggle?” And she said, “Well, I saw you speak, and I'm going to call you a researcher, I think, but I'm afraid if I call you a researcher, no one will come, because they'll think you're boring and irrelevant.”(Laughter)And I was like, “Okay.” And she said, “But the thing I liked about your talk is you're a storyteller.So I think what I'll do is just call you a storyteller.” And of course, the academic, insecure part of me was like, “You're going to call me a what?” And she said, “I'm going to call you a storyteller.” And I was like, “Why not magic pixie?”(Laughter)I was like, “Let me think about this for a second.” I tried to call deep on my courage.And I thought, you know, I am a storyteller.I'm a qualitative researcher.I collect stories;that's what I do.And maybe stories are just data with a soul.And maybe I'm just a storyteller.And so I said, “You know what? Why don't you just say I'm a researcher-storyteller.” And she went, “Ha ha.There's no such thing.”(Laughter)So I'm a researcher-storyteller, and I'm going to talk to you today--we're talking about expanding perception--and so I want to talk to you and tell some stories about a piece of my research that fundamentally expanded my perception and really actually changed the way that I live and love and work and parent.那我就這么開始吧：幾年前，一個活動策劃人打電話給我，因為我當時要做一個演講。她在電話里說：“我真很苦惱該如何在宣傳單上介紹你?！蔽倚南耄趺磿鄲滥?？她繼續(xù)道：“你看，我聽過你的演講，我覺得我可以稱你為研究者，可我擔心的是，如果我這么稱呼你，沒人會來聽，因為大家普遍認為研究員很無趣而且脫離現實?！保ㄐβ暎┖谩Ｈ缓笏f：“但是我喜歡你的演講，就跟講故事一樣很吸引人。我想來想去，還是覺得稱你為講故事的人比較妥當?！倍莻€做學術的，感到不安的我脫口而出道：“你要叫我什么？”她說：“我要稱你為講故事的人?！拔倚南耄骸睘槭裁床桓纱嘟心Хㄐ【`？“（笑聲）我說：”讓我考慮一下?！拔以囍钠鹩職?。我對自己說，我是一個講故事的人。我是一個從事定性研究的科研人員。我收集故事；這就是我的工作。或許故事就是有靈魂的數據?；蛟S我就是一個講故事的人。于是我說：”聽著，要不你就稱我為做研究兼講故事的人?！八f：”哈哈，沒這么個說法呀。“（笑聲）所以我是個做研究兼講故事的人，我今天想跟大家談論的--我們要談論的話題是關于拓展認知--我想給你們講幾個故事是關于我的一份研究的，這份研究從本質上拓寬了我個人的認知，也確確實實改變了我生活、愛、工作還有教育孩子的方式。

And this is where my story starts.When I was a young researcher, doctoral student, my first year I had a research professor who said to us, ”Here's the thing, if you cannot measure it, it does not exist.“ And I thought he was just sweet-talking me.I was like, ”Really?“ and he was like, ”Absolutely.“ And so you have to understand that I have a bachelor's in social work, a master's in social work, and I was getting my Ph.D.in social work, so my entire academic career was surrounded by people who kind of believed in the ”life's messy, love it.“ And I'm more of the, ”life's messy, clean it up, organize it and put it into a bento box.“(Laughter)And so to think that I had found my way, to found a career that takes me--really, one of the big sayings in social work is, ”Lean into the discomfort of the work.“ And I'm like, knock discomfort upside the head and move it over and get all A's.That was my mantra.So I was very excited about this.And so I thought, you know what, this is the career for me, because I am interested in some messy topics.But I want to be able to make them not messy.I want to understand them.I want to hack into these things I know are important and lay the code out for everyone to see.我的故事從這里開始。當我還是個年輕的博士研究生的時候，第一年，有位研究教授對我們說：”事實是這樣的，如果有一個東西你無法測量，那么它就不存在?！拔倚南胨皇窃诤搴逦覀冞@些小孩子吧。我說：“真的么？”他說：“當然?！蹦愕弥牢矣幸粋€社會工作的學士文憑，一個社會工作的碩士文憑，我在讀的是一個社會工作的博士文憑，所以我整個學術生涯都被人所包圍，他們大抵相信生活是一團亂麻，接受它。而我的觀點則傾向于，生活是一團亂麻，解開它，把它整理好，再歸類放入便當盒里。（笑聲）我覺得我領悟到了關鍵，有能力去創(chuàng)一番事業(yè)，讓自己--真的，社會工作的一個重要理念是置身于工作的不適中。我就是要把這不適翻個底朝天每科都拿到A。這就是我當時的信條。我當時真的是躍躍欲試。我想這就是我要的職業(yè)生涯，因為我對亂成一團，難以處理的課題感興趣。我想要把它們弄清楚。我想要理解它們。我想侵入那些我知道是重要的東西把它們摸透，然后用淺顯易懂的方式呈獻給每一個人。

So where I started was with connection.Because, by the time you're a social worker for 10 years, what you realize is that connection is why we're here.It's what gives purpose and meaning to our lives.This is what it's all about.It doesn't matter whether you talk to people who work in social justice, mental health and abuse and neglect, what we know is that connection, the ability to feel connected, is--neurobiologically that's how we're wired--it's why we're here.So I thought, you know what, I'm going to start with connection.Well, you know that situation where you get an evaluation from your boss, and she tells you 37 things you do really awesome, and one ”opportunity for growth?“(Laughter)And all you can think about is that opportunity for growth, right? Well, apparently this is the way my work went as well, because, when you ask people about love, they tell you about heartbreak.When you ask people about belonging, they'll tell you their most excruciating experiences of being excluded.And when you ask people about connection, the stories they told me were about disconnection.所以我的起點是“關系”。因為當你從事了10年的社會工作，你必然會發(fā)現關系是我們活著的原因。它賦予了我們生命的意義。就是這么簡單。無論你跟誰交流工作在社會執(zhí)法領域的也好，負責精神健康、虐待和疏于看管領域的也好我們所知道的是，關系是種感應的能力--生物神經上，我們是這么被設定的--這就是為什么我們在這兒。所以我就從關系開始。下面這個場景我們再熟悉不過了，你的上司給你作工作評估，她告訴了你37點你做得相當棒的地方，還有一點--成長的空間？（笑聲）然后你滿腦子都想著那一點成長的空間，不是么。這也是我研究的一個方面，因為當你跟人們談論愛情，他們告訴你的是一件讓他們心碎的事。當你跟人們談論歸屬感，他們告訴你的是最讓他們痛心的被排斥的經歷。當你跟人們談論關系，他們跟我講的是如何被斷絕關系的故事。

So very quickly--really about six weeks into this research--I ran into this unnamed thing that absolutely unraveled connection in a way that I didn't understand or had never seen.And so I pulled back out of the research and thought, I need to figure out what this is.And it turned out to be shame.And shame is really easily understood as the fear of disconnection: Is there something about me that, if other people know it or see it, that I won't be worthy of connection? The things I can tell you about it: it's universal;we all have it.The only people who don't experience shame have no capacity for human empathy or connection.No one wants to talk about it, and the less you talk about it the more you have it.What underpinned this shame, this ”I'm not good enough,“--which we all know that feeling: ”I'm not blank enough.I'm not thin enough, rich enough, beautiful enough, smart enough, promoted enough.“ The thing that underpinned this was excruciating vulnerability, this idea of, in order for connection to happen, we have to allow ourselves to be seen, really seen.所以很快的--在大約開始研究這個課題6周以后--我遇到了這個前所未聞的東西它揭示了關系以一種我不理解也從沒見過的方式。所以我暫停了原先的研究計劃，對自己說，我得弄清楚這到底是什么。它最終被鑒定為恥辱感。恥辱感很容易理解，即害怕被斷絕關系。有沒有一些關于我的事如果別人知道了或看到了，會認為我不值得交往。我要告訴你們的是：這種現象很普遍；我們都會有（這種想法）。沒有體驗過恥辱的人不具有人類的同情或關系。沒人想談論自己的糗事，你談論的越少，你越感到可恥。滋生恥辱感的是一種“我不夠好.”的心態(tài)--我們都知道這是個什么滋味：”我不夠什么。我不夠苗條，不夠有錢，不夠漂亮，不夠聰明，職位不夠高?！岸芜@種心態(tài)的是一種刻骨銘心的脆弱，關鍵在于要想產生關系，我們必須讓自己被看見，真真切切地被看見。

And you know how I feel about vulnerability.I hate vulnerability.And so I thought, this is my chance to beat it back with my measuring stick.I'm going in, I'm going to figure this stuff out, I'm going to spend a year, I'm going to totally deconstruct shame, I'm going to understand how vulnerability works, and I'm going to outsmart it.So I was ready, and I was really excited.As you know, it's not going to turn out well.(Laughter)You know this.So, I could tell you a lot about shame, but I'd have to borrow everyone else's time.But here's what I can tell you that it boils down to--and this may be one of the most important things that I've ever learned in the decade of doing this research.My one year turned into six years: thousands of stories, hundreds of long interviews, focus groups.At one point, people were sending me journal pages and sending me their stories--thousands of pieces of data in six years.And I kind of got a handle on it.你知道我怎么看待脆弱。我恨它。所以我思考著，這次是輪到我用我的標尺擊潰它的時候了。我要闖進去，把它弄清楚，我要花一年的時間，徹底瓦解恥辱，我要搞清楚脆弱是怎么運作的，然后我要智取勝過它。所以我準備好了，非常興奮。跟你預計的一樣，事與愿違。（笑聲）你知道這個（結果）。我能告訴你關于恥辱的很多東西，但那樣我就得占用別人的時間了。但我在這兒可以告訴你，歸根到底--這也許是我學到的最重要的東西在從事研究的數十年中。我預計的一年變成了六年，成千上萬的故事，成百上千個采訪，焦點集中。有時人們發(fā)給我期刊報道，發(fā)給我他們的故事--不計其數的數據，就在這六年中。我大概掌握了它。

I kind of understood, this is what shame is, this is how it works.I wrote a book, I published a theory, but something was not okay--and what it was is that, if I roughly took the people I interviewed and divided them into people who really have a sense of worthiness--that's what this comes down to, a sense of worthiness--they have a strong sense of love and belonging--and folks who struggle for it, and folks who are always wondering if they're good enough.There was only one variable that separated the people who have a strong sense of love and belonging and the people who really struggle for it.And that was, the people who have a strong sense of love and belonging believe they're worthy of love and belonging.That's it.They believe they're worthy.And to me, the hard part of the one thing that keeps us out of connection is our fear that we're not worthy of connection, was something that, personally and professionally, I felt like I needed to understand better.So what I did is I took all of the interviews where I saw worthiness, where I saw people living that way, and just looked at those.我大概理解了這就是恥辱，這就是它的運作方式。我寫了本書，我出版了一個理論，但總覺得哪里不對勁--它其實是，如果我粗略地把我采訪過的人分成具有自我價值感的人--說到底就是自我價值感--他們勇于去愛并且擁有強烈的歸屬感--另一部分則是為之苦苦掙扎的人，總是懷疑自己是否足夠好的人。區(qū)分那些敢于去愛并擁有強烈歸屬感的人和那些為之而苦苦掙扎的人的變量只有一個。那就是，那些敢于去愛并擁有強烈歸屬感的人相信他們值得被愛，值得享有歸屬感。就這么簡單。他們相信自己的價值。而對于我，那個阻礙人與人之間關系的最困難的部分是我們對于自己不值得享有這種關系的恐懼，無論從個人，還是職業(yè)上我都覺得我有必要去更深入地了解它。所以接下來我找出所有的采訪記錄找出那些體現自我價值的，那些持有這種觀念的記錄，集中研究它們。

What do these people have in common? I have a slight office supply addiction, but that's another talk.So I had a manila folder, and I had a Sharpie, and I was like, what am I going to call this research? And the first words that came to my mind were whole-hearted.These are whole-hearted people, living from this deep sense of worthiness.So I wrote at the top of the manila folder, and I started looking at the data.In fact, I did it first in a four-day very intensive data analysis, where I went back, pulled the interviews, the stories, pulled the incidents.What's the theme? What's the pattern? My husband left town with the kids because I always go into this Jackson Pollock crazy thing, where I'm just writing and in my researcher mode.And so here's what I found.What they had in common was a sense of courage.And I want to separate courage and bravery for you for a minute.Courage, the original definition of courage, when it first came into the English language--it's from the Latin word cor, meaning heart--and the original definition was to tell the story of who you are with your whole heart.And so these folks had, very simply, the courage to be imperfect.They had the compassion to be kind to themselves first and then to others, because, as it turns out, we can't practice compassion with other people if we can't treat ourselves kindly.And the last was they had connection, and--this was the hard part--as a result of authenticity, they were willing to let go of who they thought they should be in order to be who they were, which you have to absolutely do that for connection.這群人有什么共同之處？我對辦公用品有點癡迷，但這是另一個話題了。我有一個牛皮紙文件夾，還有一個三福極好筆，我心想，我該怎么給這項研究命名呢？第一個蹦入我腦子的是全心全意這個詞。這是一群全心全意，靠著一種強烈的自我價值感在生活的人們。所以我在牛皮紙夾的上端這樣寫道，而后我開始查看數據。事實上，我開始是用四天時間集中分析數據，我從頭找出那些采訪，找出其中的故事和事件。主題是什么？有什么規(guī)律？我丈夫帶著孩子離開了小鎮(zhèn)，因為我老是陷入像杰克遜.波洛克（美國近代抽象派畫家）似的瘋狂狀態(tài)，我一直在寫，完全沉浸在研究的狀態(tài)中。下面是我的發(fā)現。這些人的共同之處在于勇氣。我想在這里先花一分鐘跟大家區(qū)分一下勇氣和膽量。勇氣，最初的定義，當它剛出現在英文里的時候--是從拉丁文cor，意為心，演變過來的--最初的定義是真心地敘述一個故事，告訴大家你是誰的。所以這些人就具有勇氣承認自己不完美。他們具有同情心，先是對自己的，再是對他人的，因為，事實是，我們如果不能善待自己，我們也無法善待他人。最后一點，他們都能和他人建立關系，--這是很難做到的--前提是他們必須坦誠，他們愿意放開自己設定的那個理想的自我以換取真正的自我，這是贏得關系的必要條件。The other thing that they had in common was this: They fully embraced vulnerability.They believed that what made them vulnerable made them beautiful.They didn't talk about vulnerability being comfortable, nor did they really talk about it being excruciating--as I had heard it earlier in the shame interviewing.They just talked about it being necessary.They talked about the willingness to say, “I love you” first, the willingness to do something where there are no guarantees, the willingness to breathe through waiting for the doctor to call after your mammogram.They're willing to invest in a relationship that may or may not work out.They thought this was fundamental.他們還有另外一個共同之處那就是，他們全然接受脆弱。他們相信讓他們變得脆弱的東西也讓他們變得美麗。他們不認為脆弱是尋求舒適，也不認為脆弱是鉆心的疼痛--正如我之前在關于恥辱的采訪中聽到的。他們只是簡單地認為脆弱是必須的。他們會談到愿意說出“我愛你”，愿意做些沒有的事情，愿意等待醫(yī)生的電話，在做完乳房X光檢查之后。他們愿意為情感投資，無論有沒有結果。他們覺得這些都是最根本的。

I personally thought it was betrayal.I could not believe I had pledged allegiance to research, where our job--you know, the definition of research is to control and predict, to study phenomena, for the explicit reason to control and predict.And now my mission to control and predict had turned up the answer that the way to live is with vulnerability and to stop controlling and predicting.This led to a little breakdown--(Laughter)--which actually looked more like this.(Laughter)And it did.我當時認為那是背叛。我無法相信我盡然對科研宣誓效忠--研究的定義是控制（變量）然后預測，去研究現象，為了一個明確的目標，去控制并預測。而我現在的使命即控制并預測卻給出了這樣一個結果：要想與脆弱共存就得停止控制，停止預測于是我崩潰了--（笑聲）--其實更像是這樣。（笑聲）它確實是。我稱它為崩潰，我的心理醫(yī)生稱它為靈魂的覺醒。靈魂的覺醒當然比精神崩潰要好聽很多，但我跟你說那的確是精神崩潰。然后我不得不暫且把數據放一邊，去求助心理醫(yī)生。讓我告訴你：你知道你是誰當你打電話跟你朋友說：“我覺得我需要跟人談談。你有什么好的建議嗎？“因為我大約有五個朋友這么回答：”喔。我可不想當你的心理醫(yī)生?！埃ㄐβ暎┪艺f：”這是什么意思？“他們說：”我只是想說，別帶上你的標尺來見我?！拔艺f：”行?！?/p>

I call it a breakdown;my therapist calls it a spiritual awakening.(Laughter)A spiritual awakening sounds better than breakdown, but I assure you it was a breakdown.And I had to put my data away and go find a therapist.Let me tell you something: you know who you are when you call your friends and say, “I think I need to see somebody.Do you have any recommendations?” Because about five of my friends were like, “Wooo, I wouldn't want to be your therapist.”(Laughter)I was like, “What does that mean?” And they're like, “I'm just saying, you know.Don't bring your measuring stick.”(Laughter)I was like, “Okay.” So I found a therapist.My first meeting with her, Diana--I brought in my list of the way the whole-hearted live, and I sat down.And she said, “How are you?” And I said, “I'm great.I'm okay.” She said, “What's going on?” And this is a therapist who sees therapists, because we have to go to those, because their B.S.meters are good.(Laughter)And so I said, “Here's the thing, I'm struggling.” And she said, “What's the struggle?” And I said, “Well, I have a vulnerability issue.And I know that vulnerability is the core of shame and fear and our struggle for worthiness, but it appears that it's also the birthplace of joy, of creativity, of belonging, of love.And I think I have a problem, and I need some help.” And I said, “But here's the thing: no family stuff, no childhood shit.”(Laughter)“I just need some strategies.”(Laughter)(Applause)Thank you.So she goes like this.(Laughter)And then I said, “It's bad, right?” And she said, “It's neither good nor bad.”(Laughter)“It just is what it is.” And I said, “Oh my God, this is going to suck.”

就這樣我找到了一個心理醫(yī)生。我跟她，戴安娜，的第一次見面--我?guī)チ艘环荼韱紊厦娑际悄切┤硇耐度肷畹娜说纳罘绞剑缓笪易铝?。她說：”你好嗎？“我說：”我很好。還不賴?！八f：”發(fā)生了什么事？“這是一個治療心理醫(yī)生的心理醫(yī)生，我們不得不去看這些心理醫(yī)生，因為他們的廢話測量儀很準（知道你什么時候在說真心話）。（笑聲）所以我說：“事情是這樣的。我很糾結?！彼f：“你糾結什么？”我說：”嗯，我跟脆弱過不去。而且我知道脆弱是恥辱和恐懼的根源是我們?yōu)樽晕覂r值而掙扎的根源，但它同時又是歡樂，創(chuàng)造性，歸屬感，愛的源泉。所以我覺得我有問題，我需要幫助。“我補充道：”但是，這跟家庭無關，跟童年無關?！埃ㄐβ暎拔抑恍枰恍┎呗浴！保ㄐβ暎ㄕ坡暎┲x謝。戴安娜的反應是這樣的。（笑聲）我接著說：“這很糟糕，對么？”她說：“這不算好，也不算壞?！保ㄐβ暎八旧砭褪沁@樣?！蔽艺f：“哦，我的天，要悲劇了?！?/p>

(Laughter)（笑聲）

And it did, and it didn't.And it took about a year.And you know how there are people that, when they realize that vulnerability and tenderness are important, that they surrender and walk into it.A: that's not me, and B: I don't even hang out with people like that.(Laughter)For me, it was a yearlong street fight.It was a slugfest.Vulnerability pushed, I pushed back.I lost the fight, but probably won my life back.（悲劇）果然發(fā)生了，但又沒有發(fā)生。大概有一年的時間。你知道的，有些人當他們發(fā)現脆弱和溫柔很重要的時候，他們放下所有戒備，欣然接受。（我要聲明）一，這不是我，二，我朋友里面也沒有這樣的人。（笑聲）對我來說，那是長達一年的斗爭。是場激烈的混戰(zhàn)。脆弱打我一拳，我又還擊它一拳。最后我輸了，但我或許贏回了我的生活。

And so then I went back into the research and spent the next couple of years really trying to understand what they, the whole-hearted, what choices they were making, and what are we doing with vulnerability.Why do we struggle with it so much? Am I alone in struggling with vulnerability? No.So this is what I learned.We numb vulnerability--when we're waiting for the call.It was funny, I sent something out on Twitter and on Facebook that says, “How would you define vulnerability? What makes you feel vulnerable?” And within an hour and a half, I had 150 responses.Because I wanted to know what's out there.Having to ask my husband for help because I'm sick, and we're newly married;initiating sex with my husband;initiating sex with my wife;being turned down;asking someone out;waiting for the doctor to call back;getting laid off;laying off people.This is the world we live in.We live in a vulnerable world.And one of the ways we deal with it is we numb vulnerability.然后我再度投入到了我的研究中，又花了幾年時間真正試圖去理解那些全身心投入生活的人，他們做了怎樣的決定，他們是如何應對脆弱的。為什么我們?yōu)橹纯鄴暝?？我是獨自在跟脆弱斗爭嗎？不是。這是我學到的：我們麻痹脆弱--（例如）當我們等待（醫(yī)生）電話的時候。好笑的是，我在Twitter微博和Facebook上發(fā)布了一條狀態(tài)，“你怎樣定義脆弱？什么會讓你感到脆弱？“在1個半小時內，我收到了150條回復。因為我想知道大家都是怎么想的。（回復中有）不得不請求丈夫幫忙，因為我病了，而且我們剛結婚；跟丈夫提出要做愛；跟妻子提出要做愛；被拒絕；約某人出來；等待醫(yī)生的答復；被裁員；裁掉別人--這就是我們生活的世界。我們活在一個脆弱的世界里。我們應對的方法之一是麻痹脆弱。

And I think there's evidence--and it's not the only reason this evidence exists, but I think it's a huge cause--We are the most in-debt, obese, addicted and medicated adult cohort in U.S.history.The problem is--and I learned this from the research--that you cannot selectively numb emotion.You can't say, here's the bad stuff.Here's vulnerability, here's grief, here's shame, here's fear, here's disappointment.I don't want to feel these.I'm going to have a couple of beers and a banana nut muffin.(Laughter)I don't want to feel these.And I know that's knowing laughter.I hack into your lives for a living.God.(Laughter)You can't numb those hard feelings without numbing the other affects, our emotions.You cannot selectively numb.So when we numb those, we numb joy, we numb gratitude, we numb happiness.And then we are miserable, and we are looking for purpose and meaning, and then we feel vulnerable, so then we have a couple of beers and a banana nut muffin.And it becomes this dangerous cycle.我覺得這不是沒有依據--這也不是依據存在的唯一理由，我認為我們當代問題的一大部分都可以歸咎于它--在美國歷史上，我們是欠債最多，肥胖，毒癮、用藥最為嚴重的一代。問題是--我從研究中認識到--你無法選擇性地麻痹感情。你不能說，這些是不好的。這是脆弱，這是悲哀，這是恥辱，這是恐懼，這是失望，我不想要這些情感。我要去喝幾瓶啤酒，吃個香蕉堅果松餅。（笑聲）我不想要這些情感。我知道臺下傳來的是會意的笑聲。別忘了，我是靠“入侵”你們的生活過日子的。天哪。（笑聲）你無法只麻痹那些痛苦的情感而不麻痹所有的感官，所有的情感。你無法有選擇性地去麻痹。當我們麻痹那些（消極的情感），我們也麻痹了歡樂，麻痹了感恩，麻痹了幸福。然后我們會變得痛不欲生，我們繼而尋找生命的意義，然后我們感到脆弱，然后我們喝幾瓶啤酒，吃個香蕉堅果松餅。危險的循環(huán)就這樣這形成了。

One of the things that I think we need to think about is why and how we numb.And it doesn't just have to be addiction.The other thing we do is we make everything that's uncertain certain.Religion has gone from a belief in faith and mystery to certainty.I'm right, you're wrong.Shut up.That's it.Just certain.The more afraid we are, the more vulnerable we are, the more afraid we are.This is what politics looks like today.There's no discourse anymore.There's no conversation.There's just blame.You know how blame is described in the research? A way to discharge pain and discomfort.We perfect.If there's anyone who wants their life to look like this, it would be me, but it doesn't work.Because what we do is we take fat from our butts and put it in our cheeks.(Laughter)Which just, I hope in 100 years, people will look back and go, “Wow.”

我們需要思考的一件事是我們是為什么，怎么樣麻痹自己的。這不一定是指吸毒。我們麻痹自己的另一個方式是把不確定的事變得確定。宗教已經從一種信仰、一種對不可知的相信變成了確定。我是對的，你是錯的。閉嘴。就是這樣。只要是確定的就是好的。我們越是害怕，我們就越脆弱，然后我們變得愈加害怕。這件就是當今政治的現狀。探討已經不復存在。對話已經蕩然無存。有的僅僅是指責。你知道研究領域是如何描述指責的嗎？一種發(fā)泄痛苦與不快的方式。我們追求完美。如果有人想這樣塑造他的生活，那個人就是我，但這行不通。因為我們做的只是把屁股上的贅肉挪到我們的臉上。（笑聲）這真是，我希望一百年以后，當人們回過頭來會不禁感嘆：”哇！“

(Laughter)（笑聲）And we perfect, most dangerously, our children.Let me tell you what we think about children.They're hardwired for struggle when they get here.And when you hold those perfect little babies in your hand, our job is not to say, “Look at her, she's perfect.My job is just to keep her perfect--make sure she makes the tennis team by fifth grade and Yale by seventh.” That's not our job.Our job is to look and say, “You know what? You're imperfect, and you're wired for struggle, but you are worthy of love and belonging.” That's our job.Show me a generation of kids raised like that, and we'll end the problems I think that we see today.We pretend that what we do doesn't have an effect on people.We do that in our personal lives.We do that corporate--whether it's a bailout, an oil spill, a recall--we pretend like what we're doing doesn't have a huge impact on other people.I would say to companies, this is not our first rodeo, people.We just need you to be authentic and real and say, “We're sorry.We'll fix it.”

我們想要，這是最危險的，我們的孩子變得完美。讓我告訴你我們是如何看待孩子的。從他們出生的那刻起，他們就注定要掙扎。當你把這些完美的寶寶抱在懷里的時候，我們的任務不是說：”看看她，她完美的無可挑剔?！岸谴_保她保持完美--保證她五年級的時候可以進網球隊，七年級的時候穩(wěn)進耶魯。那不是我們的任務。我們的任務是注視著她，對她說，“你知道嗎？你并不完美，你注定要奮斗，但你值得被愛，值得享有歸屬感?！边@才是我們的職責。給我看用這種方式培養(yǎng)出來的一代孩子，我保證我們今天有的問題會得到解決。我們假裝我們的行為不會影響他人。不僅在我們個人生活中我們這么做，在工作中也一樣--無論是緊急救助，石油泄漏，還是產品召回--我們假裝我們做的事對他人不會造成什么大影響。我想對這些公司說：嘿，這不是我們第一次牛仔競技。我們只要你坦誠地，真心地說一句：“對不起，我們會處理這個問題?！?But there's another way, and I'll leave you with this.This is what I have found: to let ourselves be seen, deeply seen, vulnerably seen;to love with our whole hearts, even though there's no guarantee--and that's really hard, and I can tell you as a parent, that's excruciatingly difficult--to practice gratitude and joy in those moments of terror, when we're wondering, ”Can I love you this much? Can I believe in this this passionately? Can I be this fierce about this?“ just to be able to stop and, instead of catastrophizing what might happen, to say, ”I'm just so grateful, because to feel this vulnerable means I'm alive.“ And the last, which I think is probably the most important, is to believe that we're enough.Because when we work from a place, I believe, that says, ”I'm enough," then we stop screaming and start listening, we're kinder and gentler to the people around us, and we're kinder and gentler to ourselves.但還有一種方法，我把它留給你們。這是我的心得：卸下我們的面具，讓我們被看見，深入地被看見，即便是脆弱的一面；全心全意地去愛，盡管沒有任何擔保--這是最困難的，我也可以告訴你，作為一名家長，這個非常非常困難--帶著一顆感恩的心，保持快樂哪怕是在最恐懼的時候哪怕我們懷疑：”我能不能愛得這么深？我能不能如此熱情地相信這份感情？我能不能如此矢志不渝？“在消極的時候能打住，而不是一味地幻想事情會如何變得更糟，對自己說：”我已經很感恩了，因為能感受到這種脆弱，這意味著我還活著?！白詈螅€有最重要的一點，那就是相信我們已經做得夠好了。因為我相信當我們在一個讓人覺得“我已經足夠了”的環(huán)境中打拼的時候我們會停止抱怨，開始傾聽，我們會對周圍的人會更友善，更溫和，對自己也會更友善，更溫和。

That's all I have.Thank you.這就是我演講的全部內容。謝謝大家。