第一篇：六人英語(yǔ)搞笑劇本 孔雀東南飛

六人英語(yǔ)搞笑劇本 孔雀東南飛

Wander severy five miles 焦仲卿Johnny(Jforshort)劉蘭芝Lunch(Lforshort)焦母Johnny’s mother(JMforshort)劉母Lunch’smother(LMforshort)太守之子Mayor’sson(MSforshort)強(qiáng)盜Burglars(ABandC)

(Johnny（焦仲卿）作被打狀跑上臺(tái),內(nèi)砸出一卷紙筒,J被打中,狼狽不堪)Johnny（焦仲卿）:Everybody says that I’m henpecked,but in fact,I’m as strong as a tiger,(小聲)while my wifeis Wu Song.(指著上臺(tái)處的門大聲道)I’m not afraid of you!(內(nèi)砸出一臉盆, Johnny（焦仲卿）接住當(dāng)成盾牌護(hù)著頭)Then,I’m afraid of whom? My wife Lunch is the most famous woman in the neighbor-hood.She is braver than me, smarter than me and stronger than me.All this I do not care.I only want her to be tender than me.But she is not!Having a wife like this is just like living in the hell!(內(nèi)又砸出一卷紙筒,擊中Johnny（焦仲卿）)My God!Who can help me?(下)Act1(序幕結(jié)束時(shí),作竊聽(tīng)狀)焦母（JM）(拄拐棍上):I can!(對(duì)門內(nèi))Lunch!Lunch!Where are you? 劉蘭芝Lunch(扎著圍裙,拿著鍋鏟,從門內(nèi)跳出來(lái)):I’m here!What’s up mum? 焦母（JM）:I’ve told you again and again that you should call me“my most beautiful graceful and dearest mother-in-law”.劉蘭芝 Lunch :OK.My most beautiful graceful and dearest mother-in-law,what’s up? 焦母（JM）:Since you married my son you have behaved so badly.You have been so rude,sobrusque,so lazy…… 劉蘭芝 Lunch :But……

焦母（JM）:Never interrupt me!劉蘭芝 Lunch:Never interrupt me!Since I married your son,that terrible Johnny,I have been working hard all day long,cooking and washing.I have raised ten soft housands of pigs and ducks and chicken and……

焦母（JM）:But all those you have done are not as valuable as a grandson!劉蘭芝 Lunch(生氣地?fù)]動(dòng)著鍋鏟):Oh,you want a grandson,don’t you?(開(kāi)始解圍裙)Goandask your son.I’m leaving!(扯下圍裙,扔在焦母（JM）的臉上,下)

Act2(焦母（JM）坐在臺(tái)上打毛線劉蘭芝Luch拿著鍋鏟上)劉蘭芝(Luch):Mum,I’m back!焦母（JM）:You are back?Why?What happened? 劉蘭芝(Luch):I was kicked out by my most beautiful graceful and dearest mother–in-law.焦母（JM）(驚訝,但隨即露出幸災(zāi)樂(lè)禍的神情):See!I have already told you!When you insisted on marrying that terrible Johnny,I told you that he is ugly stupid and poor,but you did not listen to me.Look at yourself…… 劉蘭芝(Luch):But,mum…… 焦母（JM）:Never interrupt me!劉蘭芝(Luch):Mum,I’m not interrupting you.I just want to tell you that you are always right OK?And I’ll marry whom ever you want me to.劉母Lunch’smother(大喜):Nice girl!Justnow,I met the mayor’s son in the market.Hesaid:“If your daughter Haven’t been married,I really really want to marry her!”Now you are free again,I’ll go and tell him.(下)劉蘭芝(Luch):What?The mayor’s son?The most famous play boy in the neighbor-hood?(手中的鍋 鏟掉在地上)What as illy thing I have done!(下)

Act3(焦仲卿Johnny睡眼惺忪上)焦仲卿Johnny(邊走邊道):Lunch!Lunch!Where are my socks?(走了幾步,在地上撿起襪子)Here they are!(聞一下)Er!Howsmelly!They are still dirty!(突然想起)Lunch has gone!I have to wash them myself.(他的肚子似乎咕咕叫了起來(lái))Oh,I’m so hungry!But there’s no breakfast!(撿起地上的圍 裙)This is what Lunch always wears!I miss her so much,and her excellent cooking skill!Now she has gone.I have to cook for my mother and myself.焦母（JM）:Where’s my breakfast?Where’sLunch?Hasn’t she got up yet? 焦仲卿Johnny:Mum,can’t you remember?Lunch has gone!焦母（JM）(沉吟片刻):Well,to tell you the truth Johnny,a son without a wifeisuseless.Lunch is an ice girl,go and take her back!焦仲卿Johnny(立正敬禮):Yes madam!Act4(焦仲卿Johnny開(kāi)心地走著，忽然跳出來(lái)三個(gè)強(qiáng)盜)A:Hey you!Stop and listen to us!The road is built by me!(抬腳重重地踩在一塊大石頭上)B:And I planted one tree!(亦抬腳踩在同一塊石頭上)C:If you want to go by this street---(欲踩石頭，但踩到了A的腳)AB&C:Give us all your money!焦仲卿Johnny(搜遍了每一個(gè)口袋，掏出1角硬幣):Is1 mao enough?(三強(qiáng)盜暈倒?fàn)?，接著三人聚在一邊商?A:What bad luck!This guy is broken!B:If we can notrobany money today,we will have nothing to eat tonight!C:I heard that the mayor’s son is going to marry Miss Liu Lanzhi next month.WE can go and rob the wedding!A&B:Good idea!焦仲卿Johnny(驚訝):What?What?Lunch is going to get married?It’s impossible!AB&C:Why?A pretty girl and a rich man,what a good couple!焦仲卿Johnny:But Lunch is my wife!We haven’t got divorced yet!(突然有了主意)I’ve got an idea!You are going to rob the wedding,don’tyou?I’ll go with you.You take the money and I take the bride.B:Have you got any experience? 焦仲卿Johnny:No.But I’ve got this!(J脫下鞋子從里面摸出一張支票，上書(shū)＄1，000，000)Act5(轉(zhuǎn)眼已到了婚禮之期．太守之子意氣風(fēng)發(fā)用紅綢牽著新娘上，劉蘭芝Luch蓋著紅蓋頭極不情愿地被拉上臺(tái))(焦仲卿Johnny和三強(qiáng)盜躍至臺(tái)中)ABC&焦仲卿Johnny:Heyyou!Stop and listen to us!A:The road is built by me!B:And I planted one tree.C:If you want to go by this street---焦仲卿Johnny:Give us all your money!劉蘭芝(Luch)聽(tīng)到焦仲卿Johnny的聲音，掀起了蓋頭)劉蘭芝(Luch)(驚喜萬(wàn)分):Johnny!(不顧一切地飛奔到焦仲卿Johnny的身邊并躲到了的身后)(太守之子大怒，揮拳向焦仲卿Johnn打來(lái)．焦仲卿Johnny矮身一躲，太守之子打中了焦仲卿Johnny身后的劉蘭芝(Luch)，劉蘭芝(Luch)暈倒)焦仲卿Johnny(火冒三丈):How dare you beat my wife!（揮拳向太守之子沖去）

(焦仲卿Johnny與太守之子混戰(zhàn)，焦母上，以拐杖擊暈太守之子)(焦仲卿Johnn將太守之子胸前的新郎標(biāo)志扯下戴在自己胸前)焦仲卿Johnny(扶起劉蘭芝(Luch)，關(guān)切地問(wèn)):Honey,how are you? 劉蘭芝(Luch)(哭狀):I hurt a lot!焦仲卿Johnny:Don’t cry baby.I’ll go and fetch the medicine.(下)劉蘭芝(Luch)(起身去追):Wait for me!(跑下)

第二篇：孔雀東南飛搞笑劇本劇本

《孔雀東南飛》劇本

旁白：東漢末建安年間，廬江太守衙門里的小官吏焦仲卿的妻子劉蘭芝被焦仲卿的母親趕回娘家，她回娘家后發(fā)誓不再嫁人。她的娘家逼迫她改嫁，她便投水死了。焦仲卿聽(tīng)到蘭芝投水而死這件事，也在自家庭院的樹(shù)上吊死了。當(dāng)時(shí)的人哀悼他們.寫(xiě)下這首詩(shī)記述這件事。；【孔雀鳥(niǎo)向東南方向飛去，飛上五里便徘徊一陣】

劉蘭芝: 大家好!我就是傳說(shuō)中美貌與智慧并重、溫柔與體貼的化身----劉蘭芝我十三能織布,十四學(xué)裁衣,十五彈箜篌,十六誦詩(shī)書(shū)……

焦母:(拄拐上場(chǎng),吼道)你死哪去了!還不趕緊去做飯!

蘭芝:(低眉順眼并給婆婆行禮)婆婆……我這就去給您做飯?今天咱們吃面條,行么?

焦母:(面朝天,生氣狀)面條……面條,太滑!

蘭芝:(委曲求全)那……那……咱們吃包子?

焦母:(頓了頓拐)包子??！包子,太膩!

蘭芝:(聲音哽咽)那……吃餅成不?

焦母:(白了蘭芝一眼)不行!不行!烙餅太硬!

蘭芝:(淚水溢滿眼眶,強(qiáng)忍不流)那婆婆,你想吃什么,我去給您做。

焦母:(怒斥)算了吧！你這個(gè)笨婆娘！我們焦家怎么娶了你？連飯都做不好！下去吧！算了，快下去……真煩死人了！

（蘭芝黯然轉(zhuǎn)身，坐在椅子上哭，焦母下場(chǎng)，蘭芝轉(zhuǎn)身坐在椅子上哭，仲卿上）

仲卿：（遠(yuǎn)行剛回家，看見(jiàn)蘭芝在哭，急忙放下行李作揖到她面前安慰道）娘子，你這是怎么了？（急切）

蘭芝: 相公幾日不見(jiàn)，你又消瘦了！

仲卿：娘子更堪憔悴，母親又說(shuō)你來(lái)吧！娘子受苦了！

蘭芝:(蘭芝低頭沉默接著說(shuō))只怕……只怕……母親是不會(huì)留我了!

仲卿：娘子莫擔(dān)心,我不會(huì)讓你離開(kāi)我的!待我再向母親求情!(焦下)

(仲卿一邊走一邊猶豫,經(jīng)過(guò)一番思考,他終于來(lái)到母親的房門,焦母正襟危坐于前焦上前去一鞠躬)

仲卿：母親啊!你看蘭芝她溫柔體貼,對(duì)您恭敬孝順,你為什么總是不滿意呢?

焦母: 乖兒子,聽(tīng)話?那種女人不要也罷!娘再給你找一個(gè)好媳婦。喏……東家有個(gè)芙蓉姐姐，名叫秦羅敷 娘看她是人見(jiàn)人愛(ài)，花見(jiàn)花開(kāi)，車見(jiàn)車爆胎，她和你啊，真是龍配龍，鳳配鳳，老鼠配臭蟲(chóng)！

仲卿：啊！

焦母: 青蛙配恐龍！

仲卿：??！

焦母: 奧……不對(duì)!美女配英雄!

仲卿：不,孩兒已和蘭芝立下山盟海誓、相伴終生,我是風(fēng)兒,她是沙,我是葉兒她是花,我是……

焦母: 夠了,你放了肆了,大了膽了,有能耐了是不是,我的話也不聽(tīng),說(shuō)不行!就不行!你們倆立馬斷交,立刻!馬上!

(焦抱著頭,仲卿被母親趕了出來(lái),滿臉沮喪的來(lái)到蘭芝屋里)

仲卿：(深情的)娘子

蘭芝: 相公無(wú)須多言,小女子什么都明白了。

仲卿：蘭芝你先放心回家，等我把母親搞定了，就來(lái)接你！

蘭芝: 相公……【唱 我舍不得…可是時(shí)間回不去了】

仲卿：（感動(dòng)有感而發(fā)）如果我有一千萬(wàn)，我就能買一棟房子，我有一千萬(wàn)么？沒(méi)有！所以我沒(méi)有買。如果我有翅膀，我就能飛，我有翅膀么？沒(méi)有！所以我不會(huì)飛。如果我能等一個(gè)人，！是的！我能！如果要在這個(gè)時(shí)間上加一個(gè)期限的話，我愿意是一萬(wàn)年！【唱愛(ài)你一萬(wàn)年…】

蘭芝:（感動(dòng)流淚狀）啥也別說(shuō)了，感情都在酒里了!【拿個(gè)杯子喝交杯酒】

旁白:(分別依依不舍,蘭芝帶著仲卿的希望回到家中,可是!到了家門口,她想到自己被休,不禁又感到害怕)

蘭芝:(害怕?tīng)?母親……母親!我回來(lái)了!

蘭芝母:(十分生氣,十分吃驚)你真是放了肆了!大了膽了!有能耐了!是不是!被人休了!還好意思回來(lái)!說(shuō)!為什么被休呀!

蘭芝: 我沒(méi)做錯(cuò)什么?是仲卿她娘看我不順眼,就把我趕回來(lái)了!(同情狀并輕輕挽著女兒的手)

蘭芝母:(理解狀)原來(lái)是這樣呀!女兒呀!你真是命苦呀!你先回房休息吧!別太傷心!

蘭芝:(應(yīng)答)那娘我先回房休息了。

旁白:（蘭芝被休的消息很快傳了出去，幾天后的一個(gè)月明高照的晚上，縣令家的三公子出來(lái)賞月，不知不覺(jué)來(lái)到了劉府）

三少爺:(君望月)今天的月亮真圓呀!就像燒餅,就是芝麻少了點(diǎn)?呀!蘭芝家的燈還開(kāi)著,難道她也在賞月?正好!趁現(xiàn)在!……唱:今夜我又來(lái)到你的窗前,窗簾上你的影子多么可愛(ài),默默的愛(ài)了你這么多年,今夜我要向你……表白……

蘭芝: 仲卿……仲卿!是你么?

三少爺:(痛苦狀)不!我是府君!

蘭芝:(變色冷冷地說(shuō))是你呀!你來(lái)做什么!

三少爺: 蘭芝,有一句話很早就想對(duì)你說(shuō)了,其實(shí)……其實(shí)……我很……

蘭芝: 你還是走吧!我的心今生今世只屬于一個(gè)人!奧!仲卿……(抬頭望著天空表示天真)我的愛(ài)人!你在哪里?

三少爺: 蘭芝……蘭芝!我一定會(huì)讓你嫁給我的!

旁白:(第二天,縣令派媒人到劉府提親 [媒婆上場(chǎng)]

媒婆: 終于輪到我了,各位觀眾!我就是前無(wú)古人、后無(wú)來(lái)者、馳名中外的跨世紀(jì)金牌媒人----鐵尺銅牙“小甜甜”創(chuàng)業(yè)數(shù)十年來(lái)，憑俺沉魚(yú)落雁、閉月羞花之貌、能起死回生的三寸不爛之舌，促成了多少美好姻緣，連月老前天還說(shuō)，要拜俺為師呢？哈！哈！哈！哈！哎吆！……到了！（走到門前敲門）叮咚……

劉母: 誰(shuí)呀!誰(shuí)呀!來(lái)了!來(lái)了!(開(kāi)門)你找誰(shuí)呀!阿婆?

媒婆: 哎吆!看你說(shuō)的!人家可是黃花大閨女?(同時(shí)做手勢(shì) 羞澀拿手絹[沒(méi)有手絹拿衛(wèi)生紙代替]擋著臉)劉母: 奧!對(duì)不起!那你有事么?姑娘!

媒婆: 是這樣的,縣令家的三公子,看上你們家的劉姑娘了,他對(duì)她是一見(jiàn)鐘情、越陷越深、茶飯不思、水米不進(jìn),葉縣令特意派我來(lái)提親的!劉母: 蘭芝……蘭芝!她……

媒婆: 你還猶豫什么?這可是葉家的三公子呀!那人長(zhǎng)得絕了!才十八歲!正當(dāng)壯年!尤其是!那張嘴,特能白活【河南話……】

劉母: 不是這個(gè)問(wèn)題呀!是……

媒婆: 那是什么問(wèn)題!你們家不就是想嫁個(gè)有錢人嗎?這不是你們想要的有錢人嗎?

劉母: 那我去問(wèn)問(wèn)蘭芝吧!蘭芝…… 蘭芝: 娘,有事嗎?

劉母: 閨女呀!葉家來(lái)提親了,你意見(jiàn)如何呀?

蘭芝: 娘呀!我不想嫁給三少爺,我和仲卿分開(kāi)的時(shí)候,約定好了!我不嫁呀!劉母: 我看人家條件不錯(cuò)!就嫁了吧!那個(gè)焦仲卿還不一定回來(lái)接你呢?

蘭芝: 我曾與仲卿許下諾言，除非海水變黃金，滿天掉餡餅，不然永不相棄的，還是算了罷。劉母: 唉!

媒婆: 說(shuō)什么呢?真是彪死人了!不嫁算了!可別后悔!(轉(zhuǎn)身拿出手機(jī)給三公子打電話)

媒婆: 哈羅呀!三公子呀!

三少爺: 怎么樣?搞定了沒(méi)有呀?

媒婆: 哎呀!…小女子對(duì)不住您啊!俺把公子您的風(fēng)流瀟灑都說(shuō)盡了，可那小娘子竟然是王八吃秤砣鐵了心啊，她要和那個(gè)那個(gè)什么焦的永不相棄啊……

三少爺: 我暈!就這樣你還鐵齒銅牙呢？飯桶，一群飯桶！還是待本公子親自出馬！(掛機(jī))蘭芝:(蘭芝一個(gè)人在家里,對(duì)著墻壁不禁又想起了仲卿)君當(dāng)做磐石,妾當(dāng)做蒲葦,蒲葦紉如絲,磐石無(wú)轉(zhuǎn)移(思念狀)山無(wú)棱天地和,才敢與君決。仲卿你知道我在想你嗎?

劉兄: 哎呀,哎呀!喜事呀,天大的喜事呀!蘭芝,太守府今日來(lái)提親了,這可是天大的喜訊呀!蘭芝: 哥,我不嫁!

劉兄: 什么!(大怒)你傻了不是,這么好的婚事你還要拒絕,人家沒(méi)嫌你,就是你這兒輩子修來(lái)的福了,你還……

蘭芝: 哥,你甭說(shuō)了,我死也不同意!

劉兄: 你……你,你怎么就這么不開(kāi)竅呀!你想啊!你若嫁給府君!就會(huì)有享不盡的榮華富貴,我還可以弄個(gè)官來(lái)做做,可你……

蘭芝: 我不在乎這些!【場(chǎng)景轉(zhuǎn)換】

三少爺: 涼風(fēng)有信,秋月無(wú)邊,思嬌之情,度日如年啊!我雖不是高大威猛,風(fēng)流倜儻,但我有廣闊的胸襟加強(qiáng)勁的臂膀。（路上遇見(jiàn)蘭芝）哇噻!美女!(激動(dòng)上前擁抱,蘭芝躲開(kāi),三公子抱住劉兄,急忙松開(kāi))

劉兄: 哎呀!這不是三公子嗎?蘭芝還不來(lái)拜見(jiàn)三公子!(蘭芝不安,上前作揖)三少爺: 蘭芝美眉…一日不見(jiàn),如三秋兮,你讓我等的好苦啊!

蘭芝: 三公子請(qǐng)自重,奴家已有意中人,我與仲卿立下山盟海誓,終生相伴。我是風(fēng)兒，他是沙。我是牙膏，他是刷。我是烏龜，他是青蛙。

三少爺: 你是天鵝，他是癩蛤蟆!那個(gè)焦什么卿的，?。∮形?guī)泦?有我有錢嗎?有我這么有品味嗎?有當(dāng)縣令的老爹罩著嗎?

劉兄: 就是,就是!想我們?nèi)?才高八斗,學(xué)富五車高大威猛英俊瀟灑,號(hào)稱一顆青松壓海棠……三公子不要著急,是我們家蘭芝糊涂,這門親事咱們做定了!蘭芝: 我不嫁!

劉兄: 閉嘴,你嫁也得嫁,不嫁也得嫁!

蘭芝: 你……(無(wú)奈)

三少爺: 如此最好了!娘子,小生就待擇日來(lái)迎娶你了。(唱)你要是嫁人不要嫁給別人一定要嫁給我。哈哈…

旁白:(蘭芝想到自己將要嫁給府君,就坐立不安,不知不覺(jué)走出家門,卻正好看到聞?dòng)嵹s來(lái)的仲卿)

蘭芝: 仲卿!

仲卿：蘭芝!

蘭芝: 你……來(lái)晚了,明天我將成為別人的新娘了!

仲卿：真是可喜可賀呀,磐石方且厚,可以卒千年!蒲葦一時(shí)紉,便做旦夕間。你就要做葉家少奶奶了,還說(shuō)什么諾言呀!(生氣)

蘭芝: 唉!你又何必如此呢!同樣是被逼的,這世道不容我們,那我們來(lái)世再見(jiàn)。

仲卿：不求同年同月同日生,但求同年同月同日死(深情狀)

蘭芝: 在天愿做比翼鳥(niǎo)，在地愿為連理枝（深情狀）

仲卿與蘭芝: 我們來(lái)世再見(jiàn)!

仲卿回到家 與母親說(shuō)道：母親，兒子要先走一步，你不要太想念我，要是想的慌 我會(huì)回來(lái)看看你的 祝您身體健康 壽比南山 【抹淚狀】

母親【驚嚇 悲傷狀】：兒子你不要這么忍心拋下我 世間女子這么多 你何必在一棵樹(shù)上吊死呢 東邊有個(gè)不錯(cuò)的美眉 我去幫你提親 她肯定不會(huì)拒絕的 【仲卿拒絕了母親 回到房間嘆息】

旁白:(天亮了母親又來(lái)催了,葉家的花轎已經(jīng)來(lái)了,蘭芝終于下定決心)

蘭芝:(痛苦狀)為什么我的命這么苦!相愛(ài)的人不能在一起?唉!仲卿我去了。（于是跳湖自盡）

旁白:(仲卿聽(tīng)到蘭芝自殺的消息后,急忙跑出房門)

仲卿：蘭芝,你真的自殺了,好!我們地下相見(jiàn)吧!等我!【上吊身亡】

旁白:(就這樣相愛(ài)的人被分開(kāi),甜蜜的家被撤散,美滿的幸福被沖淡……焦劉兩家喪子之痛無(wú)法挽回，他們將仲卿與蘭芝的尸體和葬在華山之上，在墳?zāi)沟臇|西種上松柏，南北種上梧桐，枝葉相互交錯(cuò)，異常茂盛，在樹(shù)叢中棲生著一對(duì)飛鳥(niǎo)，名叫鴛鴦。白天，行人聽(tīng)了他們的叫聲駐足靜聽(tīng)；夜晚，寡婦聽(tīng)了他們的叫聲，起床彷徨。再三警告后人，要從這件事中取得教訓(xùn)，萬(wàn)萬(wàn)不能忘！)

第三篇：孔雀東南飛 英語(yǔ)搞笑劇本（最終版）

3-1l:mum, i’m back!

lm:you are back?why?what happened? l:i was kicked out by my most beautiful graceful and dearest mother–in-law.lm(驚訝,但隨即露出幸災(zāi)樂(lè)禍的神情):see!i have already told you!when you insisted on marrying that terrible johnny, i told you that he is ugly tupid and poor, but you did not listen to me.look at yourself…… l:but,mum……

lm:never interrupt me!l:mum,i’m not interrupting you.i just want to tell you that you are always right ok? and i’ll marry whomever you want me to.lm(大喜):nice girl!just now, i met the mayor’s son in the market.he said:“if your daughter haven’t been married,i really really want to marry her!”now you are free again, i ’ll go and tell him.(下)l(驚愕):what? the mayor’s son?the most famous playboy in the neighbor-hood?(手中的鍋 鏟掉在地上)what a silly thing i have done!(下)act3(j睡眼惺忪上)j(邊走邊道):lunch!lunch!where are mysocks?(走了幾步,在地上撿起襪子)here they are!(聞一下)er!how smelly!they are still dirty!(突然想起)lunch has gone!i have to wash them myself.(他的肚子似乎咕咕叫了起來(lái))oh,i’m so hungry!but there’s no breakfast!(撿起地上的圍

裙)this is what lunch always wears!i miss her so much, and her excellent cooking skill!now she has gone.i have to cook for my mother and myself.jm(上):where’s my breakfast? where’slunch?hasn’t she got up yet?

j:mum, can’t you remember?lunch has gone!

jm(沉吟片刻):well, to tell you the truth johnny, a son without a wife is suseless.lunch is an ice girl,go and take her back!j(立正敬禮):yes madam!act4(j開(kāi)心地走著，忽然跳出來(lái)三個(gè)強(qiáng)盜)a:hey you!stop and listen to us!the road is built by me!(抬腳重重地踩在一塊大石頭上)b:and i planted one tree!(亦抬腳踩在同一塊石頭上)c:if you want to go by this street---(欲踩石頭，但踩到了a的腳)ab&c:give us all your money!j(搜遍了每一個(gè)口袋，掏出１角硬幣):is 1mao enough?(三強(qiáng)盜暈倒?fàn)?，接著三人聚在一邊商?a:what bad luck!this guy is broken!

3-3-b:if we cannot robany money today,we will havenot thing to eat tonight!c:i heard that the mayor’s son is going to marry miss liulanzhi next month.we can go and rob the wedding!a&b:good idea!j(驚訝):what? what? lunch is going to get married? it’s impossible!

ab&c:why? a pretty girl and a richman,what a good couple!j:but lunch is my wife!we haven’t got divorced yet!

(突然有了主意)i’ve got an idea!you are going to rob the wedding, don’tyou? i’ll go with you.you take the money and i take the bride.b:have you got any experience? j:no.but i’ve got this!(j脫下鞋子從里面摸出一張支票，上書(shū)＄１，０００，０００)act5(轉(zhuǎn)眼已到了婚禮之期．ms意氣風(fēng)發(fā)用紅綢牽著新娘上，j蓋著紅蓋頭極不情愿地被拉上臺(tái))(j和三強(qiáng)盜躍至臺(tái)中)abc&j:hey you!stop and listen to us!a:the road is built by me!b:and i planted one tree.c:if you want to go by this street---j:give us all your money!(l聽(tīng)到j(luò)的聲音，掀起了蓋頭)l(驚喜萬(wàn)分):johnny!(不顧一切地飛奔到j(luò)的身邊并躲到了的身后)(ms大怒，揮拳向j打來(lái)．j矮身一躲，ms打中了j身后的l，l暈倒)j(火冒三丈):how dare you beat my wife!（揮拳向ms沖去）(j與ms混戰(zhàn)，jm上，以拐杖擊暈ms)(j將ms胸前的新郎標(biāo)志扯下戴在自己胸前)j(扶起l，關(guān)切地問(wèn)):honey, how are you? l(哭狀):i hurt a lot!j:don’t cry baby.i’ll go and fetch the medicine.(下)l(起身去追):wait for me!(跑下)

第四篇：孔雀東南飛--英語(yǔ)搞笑短劇劇本

焦仲卿johnny(j for short)劉蘭芝lunch(l for short)焦母johnny’s mother(jm for short)劉母lunch’s mother(lm for short)太守之子mayor’s son(ms for short)強(qiáng)盜burglars(a b and c)prologue 序幕

(j作被打狀跑上臺(tái),內(nèi)砸出一卷紙筒,j被打中,狼狽不堪)j:everybody says that i’m hen pecked, but in fact,i’m a strong tiger,(小聲)while my wife is wusong.譯：人人都說(shuō)我怕老婆，實(shí)際上我是老虎，（小聲）我妻子是武松。(指著上臺(tái)處的門大聲道)i’m not afraid of you!譯：我才不怕你呢！

(內(nèi)砸出一臉盆,j接住當(dāng)成盾牌護(hù)著頭)then, i’m afraid of whom!my wife lunchi is the most famous woman in the neighborhood.she is braver than me, smarter than me and stronger than me.all this i do not care.i only want her to be tenderer than me.but she is not!having a wife like this is just like living in the hell!譯：誰(shuí)怕誰(shuí)啊！在鄰里中，我妻子是最有名氣的。她比我勇敢、比我聰明、比我強(qiáng)壯。我也不在乎這些。我只覺(jué)得她該對(duì)我溫柔些，但是她卻不懂溫柔！有這樣的太太就像活在地獄中啊！(內(nèi)又砸出一卷紙筒,擊中j)my god!who can help me?(下)譯：我的天！誰(shuí)來(lái)救救我??？ act1 第一幕

(序幕結(jié)束時(shí),jm作竊聽(tīng)狀)jm(拄拐棍上):i can!(對(duì)門內(nèi))lunch!lunch!where are you? l(扎著圍裙,拿著鍋鏟,從門內(nèi)跳出來(lái)):i’m here!what’s up，mum? jm:i have told you again and again that you should call me “my most beautiful graceful and dearest mother-in-law”.l:ok.my most beautiful graceful and dearest mother-in-law, what’s up?

jm:since you married my son you have behaved so badly.you have been so rude, so brusque,so lazy…… l:but……

jm:never interrupt me!l:never interrupt me!since i married your son, that terrible johnny, i have been working hard all day long, cooking and washing.i have raised tens of thousands of pigs and ducks and chicken and……

jm: but all those you have done are not as valuable as a grandson!l(生氣地?fù)]動(dòng)著鍋鏟):oh, you want a grandson, don’t you?(開(kāi)始解圍裙)go and ask your son.i’m leaving!(扯下圍裙,扔在jm的臉上,下)act2(lm坐在臺(tái)上打毛線,l拿著鍋鏟上)l: mum, i’m back!

lm: you are back?why? what happened? l:i was kicked out by my most beautiful graceful and dearest mother–in-law.lm(驚訝,但隨即露出幸災(zāi)樂(lè)禍的神情):see!i have already told you!when you insisted on marrying that terrible johnny, i told you that he is ugly, stupid and poor, but you did not listen to me.look at yourself…… l: but, mum…… lm: never interrupt me!l: mum, i’m not interrupting you.i just want to tell you that you are always right ok? And i’ll marry whomever you want me to.lm(大喜): nice girl!just now, i met the mayor’s son in the market.he said, “if your daughter haven’t been married, i really really want to marry her!” now you are free again, i ’ll go and tell him.(下)l(驚愕): what? the mayor’s son? the most famous playboy in the neighborhood?(手中的鍋鏟掉在地上)what a silly thing i have done!(下)act3(j睡眼惺忪上)j(邊走邊道): lunch!lunch!where are my socks?(走了幾步,在地上撿起襪子)here they are!(聞一下)er!how smelly!they are still dirty!(突然想起)lunch has gone!i have to wash them myself.(他的肚子似乎咕咕叫了起來(lái))oh, i’m so hungry!but there’s no breakfast!(撿起地上的圍裙)this is what lunch always wears!i miss her so much, and her excellent cooking skill!Now she has gone.i have to cook for my mother and myself.jm(上): where’s my breakfast? where’s lunch? hasn’t she got up yet? j: mum, can’t you remember? lunch has gone!jm(沉吟片刻): well, to tell you the truth johnny, a son without a wife is useless.lunch is a nice girl, go and take her back!j(立正敬禮): yes madam!act4(j開(kāi)心地走著，忽然跳出來(lái)三個(gè)強(qiáng)盜)a: hey you!stop and listen to us!the road is built by me!(抬腳重重地踩在一塊大石頭上)b: and i planted one tree!(亦抬腳踩在同一塊石頭上)c: if you want to go by this street---(欲踩石頭，但踩到了a的腳)ab&c: give us all your money!j(搜遍了每一個(gè)口袋，掏出1角硬幣):is 1mao enough?(三強(qiáng)盜暈倒?fàn)?，接著三人聚在一邊商?a: what bad luck!this guy is broken!b: if we cannot rob any money today, we will have nothing to eat tonight!c: i heard that the mayor’s son is going to marry miss liu lanzhi next month.we can go and rob the wedding!a&b: good idea!j(驚訝): what? what? lunch is going to get married? it’s impossible!ab&c: why? a pretty girl and a rich man, what a good couple!j: but lunch is my wife!we haven’t got divorced yet!(突然有了主意)i’ve got an idea!you are going to rob the wedding, don’t you? i’ll go with you.you take the money and i take the bride.b: have you got any experience? j: no.but i’ve got this!(j脫下鞋子從里面摸出一張支票，上書(shū)＄1，000，000)act5(轉(zhuǎn)眼已到了婚禮之期．ms意氣風(fēng)發(fā)用紅綢牽著新娘上，j蓋著紅蓋頭極不情愿地被拉上臺(tái))(j和三強(qiáng)盜躍至臺(tái)中)abc&j: hey you!stop and listen to us!a: the road is built by me!b: and i planted one tree.c: if you want to go by this street---j: give us all your money!(l聽(tīng)到j(luò)的聲音，掀起了蓋頭)l(驚喜萬(wàn)分): johnny!(不顧一切地飛奔到j(luò)的身邊并躲到了的身后)(ms大怒，揮拳向j打來(lái)．j矮身一躲，ms打中了j身后的l，l暈倒)j(火冒三丈): how dare you beat my wife!（揮拳向ms沖去）(j與ms混戰(zhàn)，jm上，以拐杖擊暈ms)(j將ms胸前的新郎標(biāo)志扯下戴在自己胸前)j(扶起l，關(guān)切地問(wèn)):honey, how are you? l(哭狀): i hurt a lot!j: don’t cry baby.i’ll go and fetch the medicine.(下)l(起身去追):wait for me!(跑下)

第五篇：助人為樂(lè) 六人短劇本

六人組 ：一位老人、路人甲、乙，路人1、2、3，一個(gè)大包

老人在路上走著，突然腳下一滑，摔倒了。

甲：哎呀，你看那老人摔倒了，快過(guò)去看一下。

乙：（拉住甲）等等，（朝四周看了看），我們還是別去了，當(dāng)做沒(méi)看見(jiàn)吧。

甲：你怎么這樣啊，那是一個(gè)老人，摔倒了有生命危險(xiǎn)怎么辦？

乙：不是我沒(méi)愛(ài)心，你難道沒(méi)看最近的報(bào)道嗎？也是有一個(gè)這樣的老人摔倒了，有過(guò)路人上去扶了一把，結(jié)果那老人反過(guò)來(lái)誣賴他，說(shuō)是他把她推到的，害的過(guò)路人有苦不能說(shuō)，有冤只能吞啊

甲：啊，怎么會(huì)這樣啊

乙：世風(fēng)日下，我們還是趕緊走吧（拽著甲走）

路人1：哎，你們倆看了最近的新聞報(bào)道沒(méi)??？

路人

2、路人3齊聲道：什么報(bào)道？

路人1：有一個(gè)老人摔倒了，有過(guò)路人上去扶了一把，結(jié)果那老人反過(guò)來(lái)誣賴他，說(shuō)是他把她推到的。

路人2：怎么會(huì)這樣，會(huì)不會(huì)報(bào)道錯(cuò)了，老人就像小孩子一樣，是特別善良的。路人3：像這種報(bào)道，有的是報(bào)社為了提高知名度而夸大了事實(shí)。

路人1：你們倆太善良了，這樣的人大有存在，等有一天你們碰到了就會(huì)明白，反正我不像你們那么想，有些忙在幫之前要三思。

（老人醒來(lái)）

老人：有沒(méi)有好心人可以幫我一下。

（三人正走著，看見(jiàn)了老人）

路人2：我們快走，去扶老人一把。

（路人2,、路人3朝那邊走過(guò)去，路人1擋住路人

2、路人3）

路人1：不會(huì)吧，這是還真讓我們碰見(jiàn)了，小心點(diǎn)好，還是別去了，會(huì)有其他人去扶她的。路人3：要是每個(gè)人都像你這樣想，那老人要躺到什么時(shí)候啊，萬(wàn)一有生命危險(xiǎn)怎么辦？ 路人2：對(duì)呀，我們過(guò)去扶她吧。

（拉著路人3走了，路人1也只好跟著后面走了）

路人2：老奶奶，你傷的嚴(yán)重不，我們送你去醫(yī)院吧

老人：你們真是好人，我腳扭了，可不可以直接送我回家?。?/p>

路人3：行?。?/p>

路人1：送你回家？如果你兒子說(shuō)是我們把你撞倒的，哪該怎么辦？

老人：不會(huì)的，我會(huì)解釋說(shuō)是我自己摔倒的，你們好心送我回家，我感激你們還來(lái)不及呢，怎么會(huì)冤枉你們呢？

（路人2、路人3朝路人1看了看）

路人2：你別太擔(dān)心了，不是所有的老人都像報(bào)道那樣，社會(huì)上好人終歸多于壞人。路人3：是啊是啊，是你多心了，我們別磨磨蹭蹭了，還是快送老奶奶回家吧。