第一篇：英語課堂教學小笑話

英語課堂教學小笑話

He Won

Tommy: How is your little brother, Johnny? Johnny: He is ill in bed.He hurt himself.Tommy: That's too bad.How did that happen?

Johnny: We played who could lean furthest out of the window, and he won.他贏了

湯姆：約翰尼，你小弟弟好嗎？

約翰尼：他害病臥床了。他受了傷。

湯姆：真糟糕，怎么回事兒？

約翰尼：我們做游戲，看誰能把身子探出窗外最遠，他贏了。

I Have His Ear in My Pocket

Ivan came home with a bloody nose and his mother asked, “What happened?” “A kid bit me,” replied Ivan.“Would you recognize him if you saw him again?” asked his mother.“I'd know him any where,” said Ivan.“I have his ear in my pocket.”

他的耳朵在我衣兜里

伊凡鼻子流著血回到家里。他媽媽問，“發(fā)生了什么事？” “一個男孩咬了我一口，”伊凡說。

“再見到他你能認出來嗎？”媽媽問。

“他走到哪里我都能認出他，”伊凡說?！八亩溥€在我衣兜里呢?！?/p>

A Good Boy

Little Robert asked his mother for two cents.“What did you do with the money I gave you yesterday?” “I gave it to a poor old woman,” he answered.“You're a good boy,” said the mother proudly.“Here are two cents more.But why are you so interested in the old woman?”

“She is the one who sells the candy.”

好孩子

小羅伯特向媽媽要兩分錢。

“昨天給你的錢干什么了？”

“我給了一個可憐的老太婆，”他回答說。“你真是個好孩子，”媽媽驕傲地說?！霸俳o你兩分錢。可你為什么對那位老太太那么感興趣呢？” “她是個賣糖果的?！? Drunk

One day, a father and his little son were going home.At this age, the boy was interested in all kinds of things and was always asking questions.Now, he asked, “What's the meaning of the word 'Drunk', dad?” “Well, my son,” his father replied, “l(fā)ook, there are standing two policemen.If I regard the two policemen as four then I am drunk.” “But, dad,” the boy said, “ there's only ONE policeman!”

醉酒

一天，父親與小兒子一道回家。這個孩子正處于那種對什么事都很感興趣的年齡，老是有提不完的問題。他向父親發(fā)問道：“爸爸，?醉?字是什么意思？” “唔，孩子，”父親回答說，“你瞧那兒站著兩個警察。如果我把他們看成了四個，那么我就算醉了?！?“可是，爸爸，”孩子說，“那兒只有一個警察呀！”

Hospitality

The hostess apologized to her unexpected guest for serving an apple-pie without any cheese.The little boy of the family left the room quietly for a moment and returned with a piece of cheese which he laid on the guest's plate.The visitor smiled, put the cheese into his mouth and then said: “You must have better eyes than your mother, sonny.Where did you find the cheese?” “In the rat-trap, sir,” replied the boy.好客

由于客人在吃蘋果餡餅時，家里沒有奶酪了，于是女主人向大家表示歉意。這家的小男孩悄悄地離開了屋子。過了一會兒，他拿著一片奶酪回到房間，把奶酪放在客人的盤子里?？腿宋⑿χ涯汤曳胚M嘴里說：“孩子，你的眼睛就是比你媽媽的好。你在哪里找到的奶酪？” “在捕鼠夾上，先生?！蹦切∧泻⒄f。

第二篇：英語小笑話

1）不差錢

Looking very unhappy, a poor man entered a doctor's consulting-room.一個愁容滿面的窮人走進大夫的診室。

“Doctor,” he said, “you must help me.I swallowed a penny about a month ago.” “大夫！”他說，“你一定要幫幫我！一個月前我吞了一分硬幣！” “Good heavens, man!” said the doctor.“Why have you waited so long?

Why don't you come to me on the day you swallowed it?” “天哪，你這個人啊”大夫說，“早干嘛去了？你當時怎么不來看？” “To tell you the truth, Doctor,” the poor man replied, “I didn't need the money so badly then.” “實話告訴您吧，大夫，”窮人說，“我當時還不缺錢！” 英語小笑話（2）遲到了！

Teacher:Why are you late for school every morning? Tom:Every time I come to the corner,a sign says,“School-Go slow”.老師:為什么你每天早晨都遲到?

湯姆:每當我經(jīng)過學校的拐角處,就看見一個牌子上寫著“學校----慢行”.英語小笑話（3）你會說什么 How much English can you speak? “Your Honor, I want to bring to your attention how unfair it is for my client to be accused of theft.He arrived in New York City a week ago and barely knew his way around.What's more, he only speaks a few words of English.” The judge looked at the defendant and asked, “How much English can you speak?” The defendant looked up and said, “Give me your wallet!” “法官先生，我的當事人被指控偷竊，這是多么不公正啊。他一周前才來到紐約，幾乎不認路。而且，他只會說幾個英語單詞?！?法官看了看被告，問道：“你會說多少英文？” 被告抬起頭，說：“把你的錢包給我！” 英語小笑話（4）可憐的丈夫

The poor husband

“You can't imagine how difficult it is for me to deal with my wife,” the man complained to his friend.“She asks me a question, then answers it herself, and after that she explained to me for half an hour why my answer is wrong.中文翻譯：

可憐的丈夫

“你根本無法想象和我妻子打交道是多么的難，”一個男人對他的朋友訴苦說，“她問我一個問題，然后自己回答了，過后又花半個小時跟我解釋為什么我的答案是錯的。” 英語小笑話（5）我沒有睡著 I Wasn't Asleep

When a group of women got on the car, every seat was already occupied.The conductor noticed a man who seemed to be asleep, and fearing he might miss his stop, he nudged him and said: ”Wake up, sir!“ ”I wasn't asleep,“ the man answered.”Not asleep? But you had your eyes closed.“ ”I know.I just hate to look at ladies standing up beside me in a crowded car.中文翻譯：

我沒有睡著

當一群婦女上車之后，車上的座位全都被占滿了。售票員注意到一名男子好像是睡著了，他擔心這個人會坐過站，就用胳膊肘輕輕地碰了碰他，說:“先生，醒醒!” “我沒有睡著?！蹦莻€男人回答?！皼]睡著?可是你眼睛都閉上了呀?” “我知道，我只是不愿意看到在擁擠的車上有女士站在我身邊而已?！?英語小笑話（6）一個真正的男子漢 One real man The ruler of an ancient kingdom wanted to disprove the statement that the men of his domain were ruled by their wives.He had all the males in his kingdom brought before him and warned that any man who did not tell the truth would be punished severely（嚴格地，嚴厲地）.Then he asked all the men who obeyed their wives' directions and counsel（勸告，建議）to step to the left side of the hall.All the men did so but one little man who moved to the right.It's good to see, said the king, that we have one real man in the kingdom.Tell these chickenhearted（膽小的）dunces（傻瓜）why you alone among them stand on the right side of the hall.Your Majesty, came the reply in a squealing voice, it is because before I left home my wife told me to keep out of crowds 一個真正的男子漢

古代有一個國王，他想證明他領(lǐng)土內(nèi)的男人并非像人們傳說的那樣，受到老婆的管制。他把王國里所有的男人都召到跟前，警告說，哪個男人膽敢不說實話，就會受到嚴厲的懲罰。

然后，他叫所有聽從妻子的命令和意見的男人都走向大廳的左側(cè)。所有的男人都站到了左側(cè)，只有一個小個子男人站到了右側(cè)。國王說：看到我們國家里還有一個真正的男子漢，真是令人高興。告訴這些膽小的笨蛋，為什么在他們當中只有你一個人站在大廳的右側(cè)。陛下，那人尖聲地回答：因為在我出門之前，我老婆告訴我不要扎堆 英語小笑話（7）國王和他的故事

Once there was a king.He likes to write stories, but his stories were not good.As people were afraid of him, they all said his stories were good.One day the king showed his stories to a famous writer.He waited the writer to praise these stories.But the writer said his stories were so bad that he should throw them into fire.The king got very angry with him and sent him to prison.After some time, the king set him free.Again he showed him some of his new stories and asked what he thought of them.After reading them, the writer at once turned to the soldiers and said: “ Take me back to prison, please.” 國王和他的故事

從前有一個國王，他喜歡寫故事，但是他寫的故事很不好。人們怕他，都說他的故事好。有一天國王把他的故事給一名作家看，他想要作家贊揚他的這些故事，而作家說他的故事是如此的差以至于該扔進火里。國王很生氣，把他送到監(jiān)獄。

過了些日子，國王給了作家自由。國王重新將自己的一些新故事給作家看并問他感覺怎么樣。

作家看了之后立刻轉(zhuǎn)身對士兵說著;“請把我送回監(jiān)獄吧?！?英語小笑話（8）買冰

Once a simpleton’s wife told him to buy some ice.Two hours later, he didn’t come back.She wanted to know why he didn’t come back and went out to have a look.She saw he was standing in the sun at the gate and watching the ice melting.“What’s the matter?” She asked him.“Why don’t you bring it in?”

“I saw the ice was wet and I was afraid that you would scold me so I’m running it dry.” The simpleton answered.從前有一個笨人的妻子讓她的丈夫買幾塊冰。兩個小時后，他還沒回來。

她想知道他為什么沒回來，就出去看了看，發(fā)現(xiàn)她的丈夫在門口站著，在太陽下曬冰，看著冰融化。

她問他：“怎么啦？你為什么不把它拿進來？”

“我看見冰是濕的，恐怕你會訓斥我，因此，我正在把它曬干。”笨人回答道。

英語小笑話（9）賣掃帚的人和理發(fā)師

A man who sold brooms went into a barber's shop to get shaved.The barber bought one of his brooms, and, when he had shaved him, asked for the price of it.“Two pence,” said the man.“No, no, ” said the barber, “I will give you a penny, and if you do not think that enough, you may take your broom again.” The man took it, and asked what he had to pay for his shave.“A penny.” said the barber.“I will give you a half-penny, and if that is not enough, you may put my beard on again.” 賣掃帚的人和理發(fā)師

一個賣掃帚的人去一家理發(fā)店修面.理發(fā)師向他買了一把掃帚.當理發(fā)師給他修完面后,問了一下掃帚的價錢.賣掃帚的人說:“兩便士” “不,不”理發(fā)師說,“我只出一便士.如果你認為不夠的話,可以把掃帚拿回去.” 賣掃帚的人取回了掃帚,隨后問修面要付多少錢.賣掃帚的人說:“我只能給你半個便士,如果你認為不夠的話,你可以把胡子再替我裝上.英語小笑話（10）采購過早

It was Christmas and the judge was in a benevolent mood as he questioned the prisoner.”What are you charged with?“ he asked.”Doing my christmas shopping early,“ replied the defendant.”That's no offense,“ replied the judge, ”How early were you doing this shopping?“ ”Before the store opened," countered the prisoner.那天是圣誕節(jié)，法官在審訊犯人時也有點惻隱之心?！澳銥槭裁炊黄鹪V？”他問。

“采購圣誕節(jié)物品過早?！北桓娲稹?/p>

“這不算犯法，”法官回答，“你購物多早？” 在商店開門之前，“犯人應道。

第三篇：英語小笑話!~

搞笑英語短文

Good Boy

Little Robert asked his mother for two cents.“What did you do with the money I gave you yesterday?” “I gave it to a poor old woman,” he answered.“You're a good boy,” said the mother proudly.“Here are two cents more.But why are you so interested in the old woman?” “She is the one who sells the candy.” 好孩子 小羅伯特向媽媽要兩分錢?！白蛱旖o你的錢干什么了？”

“我給了一個可憐的老太婆，”他回答說?！澳阏媸莻€好孩子，”媽媽驕傲地說?！霸俳o你兩分錢?？赡銥槭裁磳δ俏焕咸敲锤信d趣呢？” “她是個賣糖果的?！?/p>

I've Just Bitten My Tongue

“Are we poisonous?” the young snake asked his mother.“Yes, dear,” she repliedflunked all courses.Kicked out of school.Prepare Pop.“ Two days later he received a response: ”Pop prepared.Prepare yourself." 自己做好準備

校園里流傳著這樣的故事：一個學生一次給父母拍了一份電報，上面寫著：“媽媽－我所有功課都不及格，被學校開除。讓爸爸做好準備?！? 兩天以后，他收到了回電：“爸爸已準備好。你自己做好準備吧!”

第四篇：英語小笑話

校園幽默四則

1.Two Birds

Teacher: Here are two birds, one is a swallow, the other is sparrow.Now who can tell us which is which?

Student: I cannot point out but I know the answer.Teacher: Please tell us.Student: The swallow is beside the sparrow and the sparrow is beside the swallow.兩只鳥

老師： 這兒有兩只鳥，一只是麻雀。誰能指出哪只是燕子，哪只是麻雀嗎？

學生：我指不出，但我知道答案。

老師：請說說看。

學生：燕子旁邊的就是麻雀，麻雀旁邊的就是燕子。

2.The Fish Net

“Can you tell me what fish net is made, Ann?”

“A lot of little holes tied together with strings.” replied the little girl.魚網(wǎng)

“你能告訴我魚網(wǎng)是什么做的嗎，安？” 老師發(fā)問道。

“把許多小孔用繩子栓在一起就成了魚網(wǎng)了?！?小女孩回答道。

3.The New Teacher

George comes from school on the first of September.“George, how did you like your new teacher?” asked his mother.“I didn't like her, Mother, because she said that three and three were six and then she said

that two and four were six too.....”

新老師

9月1日，喬治放學回到家里。

“喬治，你喜歡你們的新老師嗎？” 媽媽問。

“媽媽，我不喜歡，因為她說3加3得6, 可后來又說2加4也得6。”

4.A physics Examination

Once in a physics examination, Nick finished the first question very soon, while his classmates

were thinking it hard.The question was: When it thunders why do we see the lighting first, then

hear the thunderrolls? Nick's answer: Because our eyes are before ears.一次物理考試

在一次物理考試時，當同學們都還在苦思冥想時，尼克很快就答好了第一個問題。

這個問題是：為什么在打雷時，我們總是先看到閃電后聽到雷聲？

尼克的回答是：因為眼睛在前，耳朵在后。經(jīng)典英語小笑話

1.the lowest grade “Professor, I did the best I could on this test.I really don't think I deserve a zero.” “Neither do I.But that's the lowest grade I'm allowed to give.” 最低分

學生：“教授先生，我這次考試已經(jīng)竭盡全力了。我真的覺得我不應該得零蛋。”

老師：“我也是。但是這已經(jīng)是我能給的最低分了！” 2.Real Play When I taught the introduction-to-theater course at North Dakota State University, I required my students to attend the university theater's current production and write a critique.After viewing a particularly fine performance, one student wrote: “The play was so real, I thought I was actually sitting on my couch at home, watching it on television.” 逼真的戲劇

我在北達科他州立大學教戲劇入門課時，要求學生們?nèi)タ磳W校劇團當時的演出，并寫一篇評論。看了一場極為精彩的演出后，一名學生寫道：“這部戲劇是如此逼真，以致于我認為我自己是坐在家里的沙發(fā)上，從電視上看到的?！?本貼來自天極網(wǎng)群樂社區(qū)--http://q.yesky.com/group/review-10130234.html TOM'S EXCUSE Teacher: Tom, why are you late for school every day? Tom: Every time I come to the corner, a sign says, “School-Go Slow”.湯姆的借口

老師：湯姆，您為什么每天上學遲到？

湯姆：我每次路過拐角，一個路標上面寫著：“學校----慢行?！?DID YOUR DAD HELP YOU? One day, Tim's mathematics teacher looked at his homework and saw that he had got all his sums right.The teacher was very pleased-and rather surprised.He called Tim to his desk and said to him, “You got all your homework right this time, Tim.What happened? Did your father help you?” “No, sir.He was too busy last night, so I had to do it all myself,” said Tim.你爸爸幫你了嗎？

一天，蒂姆的數(shù)學老師看了他的作業(yè)，發(fā)現(xiàn)他全做對了。老師很高興，同時也十分驚訝。他把蒂姆叫到桌前說：“蒂姆，你這次的作業(yè)全都 做對了，怎么回事？你爸爸幫你做了嗎？” “不，先生，我爸爸昨天很忙，我不得不全由自己做了?！?英語幽默笑話

Tom call Jim's name:“I can't bear such a foolish!” and Jim say:“You mother could(bear)!” 湯姆對著吉姆罵道:“我受不了你這個苯蛋了!” 吉姆說:“你媽媽能!” 附:bear 有兩重意思:“生”和“忍受”這個笑話正是根據(jù)這點.英語笑話故事 1.He Won

Tommy: How is your little brother, Johnny? Johnny: He is ill in bed.He hurt himself.Tommy: That's too bad.How did that happen? Johnny: We played who could lean furthest out of the window, and he won.他贏了

湯姆：約翰尼，你小弟弟好嗎？

約翰尼：他害病臥床了。他受了傷。湯姆：真糟糕，怎么回事兒？

約翰尼：我們做游戲，看誰能把身子探出窗外最遠，他贏了。2.I Have His Ear in My Pocket

Ivan came home with a bloody nose and his mother asked, “What happened?” “A kid bit me,” replied Ivan.“Would you recognize him if you saw him again?” asked his mother.“I'd know him any where,” said Ivan.“I have his ear in my pocket.”

他的耳朵在我衣兜里

伊凡鼻子流著血回到家里。他媽媽問，“發(fā)生了什么事？” “一個男孩咬了我一口，”伊凡說?！霸僖姷剿隳苷J出來嗎？”媽媽問。

“他走到哪里我都能認出他，”伊凡說?！八亩溥€在我衣兜里呢?！?/p>

A Good Boy

Little Robert asked his mother for two cents.“What did you do with the money I gave you yesterday?” “I gave it to a poor old woman,” he answered.“You're a good boy,” said the mother proudly.“Here are two cents more.But why are you so interested in the old woman?” “She is the one who sells the candy.”

好孩子

小羅伯特向媽媽要兩分錢。

“昨天給你的錢干什么了？”

“我給了一個可憐的老太婆，”他回答說。“你真是個好孩子，”媽媽驕傲地說?！霸俳o你兩分錢。可你為什么對那位老太太那么感興趣呢？” “她是個賣糖果的?！?/p>

第五篇：英語小笑話 帶翻譯

One day a person meet god......God suddenly decide to give the man a wish......God asked......What wishes do you have......The man thinking......Heard that cats have9 lives......Would you please give me9 lives......God said......Your wish come true......One day, the boring...Want to say one death to die......There are9 life lying on the tracks......The results of a train in the past......The man was dead......Why is this?

Because the train compartment having10day......有個人一天碰到上帝......上帝突然大發(fā)善心打算給那人一個愿望......上帝問......你有什么愿望嗎......那個人想了想......聽說貓都有9條命......那請您賜給我9條命吧......上帝說......你的愿望實現(xiàn)咯......一天，那個人閑來無聊......想說去死一死算了......反正有9條命嘛 就躺在鐵軌上......結(jié)果一輛火車開過去......那人還是死了......這是為什么呢？

因為那列火車的車廂有10節(jié)......Music class the teacher played a Beethoven song

Xiao Ming asked her:“ do you understand music?”

Xiaohua:“ yes”

Xiao Ming:“ you know what teachers do in the shells?”

Xiaohua:“ piano.”

音樂課上 老師彈了一首貝多芬的曲子

小明問小華：“你懂音樂嗎？”

小華：“是的”

小明：“那你知道老師在彈什麼嗎？”

小華: “鋼琴。”

Traveler: Can I catch the three o'clock train to Toronto?

Ticket agent: That depends on how fast you can run.It left fifteen minutes ago.旅行者：我還能趕上3點鐘那班到多倫多的火車嗎？

售票員：那得看你跑得有多快?；疖?5分鐘前開出。