第一篇：桑德伯格16年加州大學(xué)伯克利分校畢業(yè)典禮演講

硅谷版―安迪‖：桑德伯格16年加州大學(xué)伯克利分校畢業(yè)典禮演講

她是硅谷版的―安迪‖，F(xiàn)acebook的二當(dāng)家，周末加州大學(xué)伯克利分校的畢業(yè)典禮上分享了自己經(jīng)歷

然而正在她事業(yè)蓬勃之際，她的丈夫卻早早撒手人寰，她又有著驚人的毅力克服悲痛。

在丈夫去世一年后，F(xiàn)acebook首席運營官雪莉·桑德伯格學(xué)會了如何更有韌性。她在周末加州大學(xué)伯克利分校的畢業(yè)典禮上分享了自己的經(jīng)歷，并有可能將其寫入自己的第二本書中。在演講過程中，她數(shù)度哽咽。

馬克·扎克伯格在桑德伯格這篇演講的下面評論：―如此美麗而又激勵人心，謝謝你?！?/p>

Thank you, Marie.And thank you esteemed members of the faculty, proud parents, devoted friends, squirming siblings.謝謝瑪麗。謝謝尊敬的老師們、自豪的父母、忠誠的朋友們，各位同仁。Congratulations to all of you…and especially to the magnificent Berkeley graduating class of 2016!祝賀所有人……尤其是伯克利2016級的畢業(yè)生們！

It is a privilege to be here at Berkeley, which has produced so many Nobel Prize winners, Turing Award winners, astronauts, members of Congress, Olympic gold medalists….and that‘s just the women!

在伯克利求學(xué)是一件幸事，這里出過眾多的諾貝爾獎得主、圖靈獎獲得者、宇航員、國會議員和奧運會金牌得主……而且都有女性！

Berkeley has always been ahead of the times.In the 1960s, you led the Free Speech Movement.Back in those days, people used to say that with all the long hair, how do we even tell the boys from the girls? We now know the answer: manbuns.伯克利從來走在時代前列。上世紀60年代，你們的前輩們倡導(dǎo)了言論自由運動。當(dāng)時還有人說，如果男女都留長發(fā)要怎么分辨呢？現(xiàn)在早就有答案了：男生可以梳發(fā)髻。

Early on, Berkeley opened its doors to the entire population.When this campus opened in 1873, the class included 167 men and 222 women.It took my alma mater another ninety years to award a single degree to a single woman.其實在那之前伯克利就已兼容并包。伯克利1873年建校，第一屆學(xué)生中有167名男生，222名女生。我的母校（哈佛大學(xué)——譯者注）過了90年后才向女性頒發(fā)第一個學(xué)位。

One of the women who came here in search of opportunity was Rosalind Nuss.Roz grew up scrubbing floors in the Brooklyn boardinghouse where she lived.She was pulled out of high school by her parents to help support their family.One of her teachers insisted that her parents put her back into school—and in 1937, she sat where you are sitting today and received a Berkeley degree.Roz was my grandmother.She was a huge inspiration to me and I‘m so grateful that Berkeley recognized her potential.I want to take a moment to offer a special congratulations to the many here today who are the first generation in their families to graduate from college.What a remarkable achievement.曾經(jīng)有一位女性來到這里求學(xué)，她的名字是羅莎琳德?努斯?羅姿。羅姿在紐約布魯克林一處公寓里長大，靠擦地為生。高中時，她的父母讓她輟學(xué)養(yǎng)家，幸好被一位老師及時勸服才能繼續(xù)上學(xué)。1937年，她從伯克利畢業(yè)了，就坐在你們現(xiàn)在的位置。故事里的羅姿是我的祖母。直到現(xiàn)在，她的經(jīng)歷都是我強大的精神支柱。非常感謝伯克利當(dāng)年慧眼識才。我還要特別恭喜成為家中第一代大學(xué)生的才俊，你們非常了不起！

Today is a day of celebration.A day to celebrate all the hard work that got you to this moment.今天值得慶祝，你們付出了很多努力才走到今天。

Today is a day of thanks.A day to thank those who helped you get here—nurtured you, taught you, cheered you on, and dried your tears.Or at least the ones who didn‘t draw on you with a Sharpie when you fell asleep at a party.今天應(yīng)該感謝。要感謝幫助你們一步步走到這里的人，感謝培養(yǎng)你，教導(dǎo)你，鼓勵你，為你擦過眼淚的人。至少也該感謝你在聚會上睡著后沒用記號筆在你臉上亂畫的小伙伴們。

Today is a day of reflection.Because today marks the end of one era of your life and the beginning of something new.今天應(yīng)該沉思。因為今天意味著你生命中一個時代結(jié)束，一個新時代開始。A commencement address is meant to be a dance between youth and wisdom.You have the youth.Someone comes in to be the voice of wisdom—that‘s supposed to be me.I stand up here and tell you all the things I have learned in life, you throw your cap in the air, you let your family take a million photos –don‘t forget to post them on Instagram —and everyone goes home happy.畢業(yè)典禮致詞仿佛一場青春和智慧之間的交鋒。臺下青春洋溢，演講臺上睿智深刻。今天我本應(yīng)跟你們分享一些人生經(jīng)驗。然后，你們把帽子扔到空中，和家人拍照留影，——不要忘了發(fā)布在Instagram上，最后大家都高高興興地回家。Today will be a bit different.We will still do the caps and you still have to do the photos.But I am not here to tell you all the things I‘ve learned in life.Today I will try to tell you what I learned in death.但今天會有點不一樣?；蛟S你們還是會扔帽子，還是會拍很多照片。但我今天不想傳授生活方面的經(jīng)驗，而是想講講從親人離世后的領(lǐng)悟。

I have never spoken publicly about this before.It‘s hard.But I will do my very best not to blow my nose on this beautiful Berkeley robe.我以前從未公開談?wù)撨^這件事，其實很難說出口。我會盡量控制住情緒免得哭出來，弄臟這件漂亮的伯克利長袍不太好。One year and thirteen days ago, I lost my husband, Dave.His death was sudden and unexpected.We were at a friend‘s fiftieth birthday party in Mexico.I took a nap.Dave went to work out.What followed was the unthinkable—walking into a gym to find him lying on the floor.Flying home to tell my children that their father was gone.Watching his casket being lowered into the ground.一年零13天前，我的丈夫戴夫去世了，很突然也很意外。我們?nèi)ツ鞲鐓⒓优笥训?0歲生日聚會。我睡了個午覺，戴夫去鍛煉。接下來的事完全不可想象，我走進健身房看見他躺在地板上。后來我坐飛機回家將這個不幸的消息告訴了孩子們，最后親眼看著他的棺材下葬。

For many months afterward, and at many times since, I was swallowed up in the deep fog of grief—what I think of as the void—an emptiness that fills your heart, your lungs, constricts your ability to think or even to breathe.他去世后好幾個月里，我經(jīng)常悲傷得無法自已，內(nèi)心只覺得一片無盡的空虛四處蔓延，占據(jù)了五臟六腑，我無力思考，甚至感覺像要窒息。

Dave‘s death changed me in very profound ways.I learned about the depths of sadness and the brutality of loss.But I also learned that when life sucks you under, you can kick against the bottom, break the surface, and breathe again.I learned that in the face of the void—or in the face of any challenge—you can choose joy and meaning.戴夫的死深刻地改變了我。我終于明白了什么叫切膚之痛，也體會到痛失所愛的殘酷。但我也明白了，當(dāng)生活給你當(dāng)頭一棒，墮入悲傷之海，你能做的就是奮力游向水面，大口呼吸。我明白了，即便悲傷至空虛，或是面對巨大挑戰(zhàn)，你仍然可以選擇快樂和有意義的生活。

I‘m sharing this with you in the hopes that today, as you take the next step in your life, you can learn the lessons that I only learned in death.Lessons about hope, strength, and the light within us that will not be extinguished.我跟你們分享親人離世的感受，是希望能在你們走上社會時就能理解失去的痛苦，明白什么是希望、力量和心中永不熄滅的火苗。

Everyone who has made it through Cal has already experienced some disappointment.You wanted an A but you got a B.OK, let‘s be honest—you got an A-but you‘re still mad.You applied for an internship at Facebook, but you only got one from Google.She was the love of your life… but then she swiped left.每個從伯克利畢業(yè)的人肯定都經(jīng)歷過挫折。你想考A，結(jié)果只得到一個B。你申請到Facebook實習(xí)，結(jié)果只能去谷歌。你全心愛她，她卻甩了你…… Game of Thrones the show has diverged way too much from the books—and you bothered to read all four thousand three hundred and fifty-two pages.電視劇《權(quán)力的游戲》太不尊重原著，你就去看完了4320頁的書……

You will almost certainly face more and deeper adversity.There‘s loss of opportunity: the job that doesn‘t work out, the illness or accident that changes everything in an instant.There‘s loss of dignity: the sharp sting of prejudice when it happens.There‘s loss of love: the broken relationships that can‘t be fixed.And sometimes there‘s loss of life itself.生活中總會碰到很多難處理的事。有時錯失機會：工作不合適，遭遇疾病或事故因而一切瞬間改變。有時尊嚴盡失：刻薄的偏見常常刺痛人心。有時緣盡人散：親密關(guān)系一旦破碎就難重圓。有時不僅是生離，還要面臨死別。

Some of you have already experienced the kind of tragedy and hardship that leave an indelible mark.Last year, Radhika, the winner of the University Medal, spoke so beautifully about the sudden loss of her mother.你們當(dāng)中有些人已然歷經(jīng)刻骨的悲劇和苦難。去年大學(xué)獎?wù)碌弥骼峡ㄔl(fā)表演講，動情講述了母親突然去世的悲痛。

The question is not if some of these things will happen to you.They will.Today I want to talk about what happens next.About the things you can do to overcome adversity, no matter what form it takes or when it hits you.The easy days ahead of you will be easy.It is the hard days—the times that challenge you to your very core—that will determine who you are.You will be defined not just by what you achieve, but by how you survive.問題不是這些事情會不會發(fā)生，它們遲早都會來的。我想說的是發(fā)生之后怎么辦，不管什么困難也不管具體什么時候遭遇，關(guān)鍵是怎樣從困境中振作起來。其實只有經(jīng)歷了真正難捱的日子，被逼到崩潰邊緣，你才能真正了解自己。要發(fā)掘真實的內(nèi)心，不僅要看取得的成就，更要看逆境中如何奮起。

A few weeks after Dave died, I was talking to my friend Phil about a father-son activity that Dave was not here to do.We came up with a plan to fill in for Dave.I cried to him, ―But I want Dave.‖ Phil put his arm around me and said, ―Option A is not available.So let‘s just kick the shit out of option B.‖ 戴夫去世幾個星期后，我和我的朋友菲爾談?wù)撘粓鲆赣H參加的親子活動。戴夫不在了，我們只好找別人代替他。我哭著對他說：―但我只想要戴夫?！茽枔ё∥艺f：―A計劃不行了，將就將就用B計劃吧?！?/p>

We all at some point live some form of option B.The question is: What do we do then? 我們總會碰到不盡如人意只能用B計劃的時候，問題是：該怎么面對？ As a representative of Silicon Valley, I‘m pleased to tell you there is data to learn from.After spending decades studying how people deal with setbacks, psychologist Martin Seligman found that there are three P‘s—personalization, pervasiveness, and permanence—that are critical to how we bounce back from hardship.The seeds of resilience are planted in the way we process the negative events in our lives.可能有點硅谷的職業(yè)病吧，我想說走出挫折也要科學(xué)對待。心理學(xué)家馬丁?塞利格曼（Martin Seligman）研究幾十年后發(fā)現(xiàn)，從苦難中振作起來關(guān)鍵是做到三點——不要過分自責(zé)（personalization）、不要過分解讀（pervasiveness）以及不要以為傷痛永遠不褪（permanence）。挺過生活中一次次打擊，才能慢慢磨煉出韌性。

The first P is personalization—the belief that we are at fault.This is different from taking responsibility, which you should always do.This is the lesson that not everything that happens to us happens because of us.不要過分自責(zé)，就是說不要把悲傷的原因攬到自己身上。承擔(dān)責(zé)任是應(yīng)該的，但是痛苦時不要過分情緒化，要清楚一件事，并不是所有的壞事都是自己造成的。When Dave died, I had a very common reaction, which was to blame myself.He died in seconds from a cardiac arrhythmia.I poured over his medical records asking what I could have—or should have—done.It wasn‘t until I learned about the three P‘s that I accepted that I could not have prevented his death.His doctors had not identified his coronary artery disease.I was an economics major;how could I have? 戴夫去世后我就忍不住責(zé)怪自己。他在幾秒鐘內(nèi)死于心臟病突發(fā)。我翻遍他的病歷尋找線索，看看我要是做了什么，戴夫就不會死。明白這三條原則之后，我才慢慢接受不管怎樣都救不了他這個事實。他的醫(yī)生們沒發(fā)現(xiàn)他有心臟病，我一個學(xué)經(jīng)濟的又怎么可能發(fā)現(xiàn)呢？

Studies show that getting past personalization can actually make you stronger.Teachers who knew they could do better after students failed adjusted their methods and saw future classes go on to excel.College swimmers who underperformed but believed they were capable of swimming faster did.Not taking failures personally allows us to recover—and even to thrive.研究表明減少過分自責(zé)確實會讓人強大起來。學(xué)生掛科之后老師與其后悔沒盡力，不如努力改進教學(xué)方法幫助以后的學(xué)生取得好成績。大學(xué)里游泳運動員成績不理想，但是只要堅信可以游得更好，就能實現(xiàn)。只有走出過分自責(zé)的陰影，才能盡快恢復(fù)，甚至督促自己做得更好。

The second P is pervasiveness—the belief that an event will affect all areas of your life.You know that song ―Everything is awesome?‖ This is the flip: ―Everything is awful.‖ There‘s no place to run or hide from the all-consuming sadness.第二條不要過分解讀，就是不要篤定壞事一定會影響生活中每個角落。有一首歌叫《一切都是極好的》，反過來就是《一切都是可怕的》。人們常常會以為悲傷大過天，根本無處可逃。

The child psychologists I spoke to encouraged me to get my kids back to their routine as soon as possible.So ten days after Dave died, they went back to school and I went back to work.I remember sitting in my first Facebook meeting in a deep, deep haze.All I could think was, ―What is everyone talking about and how could this possibly matter?‖ But then I got drawn into the discussion and for a second—a brief split second—I forgot about death.我跟兒童心理學(xué)家聊了之后，他讓我盡快恢復(fù)孩子們的日常習(xí)慣。戴夫去世十天后，他們回到學(xué)校，我則回到工作崗位。我記得回去上班后頭一次開會，精神都是恍惚的。我心里想的都是，―他們都在說什么，這些小事有什么好說的？‖但后來我加入討論，說著說著突然有那么一瞬，我好像忘記了死亡的悲痛。That brief second helped me see that there were other things in my life that were not awful.My children and I were healthy.My friends and family were so loving and they carried us—quite literally at times.那短暫的一瞬讓我明白，生活中還有一些事沒那么糟糕。畢竟，我跟孩子們都很健康，親朋好友都那么關(guān)心支持我們，那段時間真的多虧他們撐著我才沒垮。The loss of a partner often has severe negative financial consequences, especially for women.So many single mothers—and fathers—struggle to make ends meet or have jobs that don‘t allow them the time they need to care for their children.I had financial security, the ability to take the time off I needed, and a job that I did not just believe in, but where it‘s actually OK to spend all day on Facebook.Gradually, my children started sleeping through the night, crying less, playing more.失去伴侶往往會伴隨巨大的經(jīng)濟打擊，女性更是如此。許多單身母親和父親都在非常努力工作，沒什么時間照看孩子。跟他們比我不用擔(dān)心經(jīng)濟來源，能抽出時間照顧孩子，而且我有一份很好的工作。漸漸地，孩子們晚上能睡踏實了，哭鬧少了，又愿意玩了。

The third P is permanence—the belief that the sorrow will last forever.For months, no matter what I did, it felt like the crushing grief would always be there.第三條是不要以為傷痛永遠不褪，就是相信痛苦會一直繼續(xù)。戴夫去世后有幾個月，無論我做什么都能感覺到令人窒息的悲傷，而且從來沒有減輕的跡象。We often project our current feelings out indefinitely—and experience what I think of as the second derivative of those feelings.We feel anxious—and then we feel anxious that we‘re anxious.We feel sad—and then we feel sad that we‘re sad.Instead, we should accept our feelings—but recognize that they will not last forever.My rabbi told me that time would heal but for now I should ―lean in to the suck.‖ It was good advice, but not really what I meant by ―lean in.‖ 我們總是覺得當(dāng)前不好的感覺會無限延伸，而且不良情緒還會滋生副產(chǎn)品。我們感到焦慮，然后因為焦慮而焦慮；感到傷心，然后因為傷心而傷心。實際上，我們應(yīng)該誠實面對自己的感覺，然后認清事實，其實所有感覺都不會永遠持續(xù)。我的拉比（猶太教里的精神導(dǎo)師——譯者注）說，時間會治愈一切，我也得學(xué)會―向前一步‖。這是個好建議，不過我寫書時說的―向前一步‖其實不完全是這個意思。None of you need me to explain the fourth P…which is, of course, pizza from Cheese Board.其實還有第四個原則，就是美味的披薩，不用解釋了吧……

But I wish I had known about the three P‘s when I was your age.There were so many times these lessons would have helped.言歸正傳，我真的很希望在你們這個年齡就知道這三條原則。許多時候，這些經(jīng)驗都很有用。

Day one of my first job out of college, my boss found out that I didn‘t know how to enter data into Lotus 1-2-3.That‘s a spreadsheet—ask your parents.His mouth dropped open and he said, ?I can‘t believe you got this job without knowing that‖—and then walked out of the room.I went home convinced that I was going to be fired.I thought I was terrible at everything… but it turns out I was only terrible at spreadsheets.Understanding pervasiveness would have saved me a lot of anxiety that week.我大學(xué)畢業(yè)后做第一份工作時，老板發(fā)現(xiàn)我不會把數(shù)據(jù)錄入蓮花1-2-3（蓮花公司的電子表格軟件——譯者注）。蓮花1-2-3是個電子表格——你們的爸媽可能知道。他張大嘴說：―連這個都不會，真不知道你怎么進來公司的?！?然后就走出去了。晚上回家我覺得要被炒魷魚，然后覺得我什么事都做不好……但事實證明，我只是不會做電子表格而已。如果我當(dāng)時就能明白不要過分解讀，沒必要一時難過就否定一切，當(dāng)時就不會那么焦慮。

I wish I had known about permanence when I broke up with boyfriends.It would‘ve been a comfort to know that feeling was not going to last forever, and if I was being honest with myself… neither were any of those relationships.我跟男朋友提出分手時，要是明白痛苦并不會一直持續(xù)就好了。如果我當(dāng)時知道再難受也會慢慢緩解，如果我能誠實面對自己，就會安慰很多，不過我都沒做到。And I wish I had understood personalization when boyfriends broke up with me.Sometimes it‘s not you—it really is them.I mean, that dude never showered.男朋友和我分手時，我要是懂得不要過分自責(zé)就好了。有時真的不是我的錯，錯的是他們。說了你可能都不信，這家伙從來不洗澡。

And all three P‘s ganged up on me in my twenties after my first marriage ended in divorce.I thought at the time that no matter what I accomplished, I was a massive failure.我20多歲時第一次婚姻以離婚告終，這三條原則一條都沒做到。當(dāng)時的感覺是不管我做成過什么，最后還是一敗涂地。

The three P‘s are common emotional reactions to so many things that happen to us—in our careers, our personal lives, and our relationships.You‘re probably feeling one of them right now about something in your life.But if you can recognize you are falling into these traps, you can catch yourself.Just as our bodies have a physiological immune system, our brains have a psychological immune system—and there are steps you can take to help kick it into gear.這三條原則針對的是我們遇到許多事情后常見的反應(yīng)，不管是事業(yè)上，個人生活里，還是人際關(guān)系中。沒準你現(xiàn)在就正在經(jīng)歷一些挫折。不過，如果你能清醒地發(fā)現(xiàn)陷阱，還有自救的機會。我們的身體里都有免疫系統(tǒng)，其實大腦里也有精神免疫系統(tǒng)，只是要用點辦法才能啟動。

One day my friend Adam Grant, a psychologist, suggested that I think about how much worse things could be.This was completely counterintuitive;it seemed like the way to recover was to try to find positive thoughts.―Worse?‖ I said.―Are you kidding me? How could things be worse?‖ His answer cut straight through me: ―Dave could have had that same cardiac arrhythmia while he was driving your children.‖ Wow.The moment he said it, I was overwhelmingly grateful that the rest of my family was alive and healthy.That gratitude overtook some of the grief.有一天，我的心理學(xué)家朋友亞當(dāng)?格蘭特建議我換個角度思考，想象事情可能會更糟糕。剛一聽讓人挺難接受的。―更糟？‖我說。―開玩笑嗎？都這樣了還能怎么糟?！艺f。他回答道：―想象一下戴夫開車時突發(fā)心臟病，孩子們也都在車里?！靺?！那一刻，我突然很感激孩子們都沒事，還健康地活著。感激之后悲傷也減輕了一點。

Finding gratitude and appreciation is key to resilience.People who take the time to list things they are grateful for are happier and healthier.It turns out that counting your blessings can actually increase your blessings.My New Year‘s resolution this year is to write down three moments of joy before I go to bed each night.This simple practice has changed my life.Because no matter what happens each day, I go to sleep thinking of something cheerful.Try it.Start tonight when you have so many fun moments to list— although maybe do it before you hit Kip‘s and can still remember what they are.常懷感激之情是走出悲傷的關(guān)鍵。多花點時間列出值得感恩的事，就會更快樂也更健康。事實證明，多數(shù)數(shù)身邊的好事，好事真的會越變越多。我今年的新年決心就是，每天晚上睡覺前寫下三件當(dāng)天高興的事。做起來其實不難，但已經(jīng)改變了我的生活。因為不管每天發(fā)生了什么，我睡覺的時候都在想著快樂的事。今晚開始試一下吧，今天肯定就有很多開心的事可以列。希望今晚你們臨睡前都還記得。

Last month, eleven days before the anniversary of Dave‘s death, I broke down crying to a friend of mine.We were sitting—of all places—on a bathroom floor.I said: ―Eleven days.One year ago, he had eleven days left.And we had no idea.‖ We looked at each other through tears, and asked how we would live if we knew we had eleven days left.上個月有一天，我想到還有11天戴夫逝世就滿周年了，在一個朋友面前忍不住痛哭，當(dāng)時我們還坐在浴室地板上。我說：―11天。一年前的今天，他的生命只剩下11天了，我們卻不知道?！覀兺舜硕既滩蛔⊥纯?，然后問對方如果知道生命只剩下11天會如何生活。

As you graduate, can you ask yourselves to live as if you had eleven days left? I don‘t mean blow everything off and party all the time— although tonight is an exception.I mean live with the understanding of how precious every single day would be.How precious every day actually is.你們畢業(yè)了，以后能像生命只剩下11天一樣去生活嗎？我的意思不是讓你們拋下一切，每天都去聚會狂歡，當(dāng)然今晚例外。我的意思是要明白每天都很珍貴。每一天都要珍惜不能浪費。A few years ago, my mom had to have her hip replaced.When she was younger, she always walked without pain.But as her hip disintegrated, each step became painful.Now, even years after her operation, she is grateful for every step she takes without pain—something that never would have occurred to her before.幾年前，我母親做手術(shù)換了髖關(guān)節(jié)。她年輕時走路總是會疼，髖關(guān)節(jié)粉碎性骨折之后每一步都疼痛難忍。現(xiàn)在做完手術(shù)好幾年了，她還會經(jīng)常感激走路不會疼，因為手術(shù)前根本無法想象。

As I stand here today, a year after the worst day of my life, two things are true.I have a huge reservoir of sadness that is with me always—right here where I can touch it.I never knew I could cry so often—or so much.如今我人生中最慘的一天過去已經(jīng)一年了，我能確定兩件事情是真實的。第一，我心中巨大的悲傷會永遠揮之不去，就在這，我都能觸摸到。還有就是以前我從來沒想過我能天天哭，淚水能那么多。

But I am also aware that I am walking without pain.For the first time, I am grateful for each breath in and out—grateful for the gift of life itself.I used to celebrate my birthday every five years and friends‘ birthdays sometimes.Now I celebrate always.I used to go to sleep worrying about all the things I messed up that day—and trust me that list was often quite long.Now I try really hard to focus on each day‘s moments of joy.但我也能確定我可以輕松走路，不用忍受疼痛。有生以來第一次，我感激每一次呼吸，感激自己的生命。過去我每五年過一次生日，朋友的生日只是偶爾慶?！，F(xiàn)在，每次我都不錯過。過去我睡覺前總是在想當(dāng)天有多少事沒做好，其實經(jīng)常搞砸很多。而現(xiàn)在我會集中精神想當(dāng)天高興的事。

It is the greatest irony of my life that losing my husband helped me find deeper gratitude—gratitude for the kindness of my friends, the love of my family, the laughter of my children.My hope for you is that you can find that gratitude—not just on the good days, like today, but on the hard ones, when you will really need it.說起來可能有點諷刺，我失去了丈夫，卻因此體會到更深的感激——感謝朋友們的好意、感謝家人的愛，感謝孩子們的歡笑。我希望你們也能學(xué)會感激，不僅是在好日子里感激，比方說今天，在艱難的日子里更要感激，到那時感激之情對你們的幫助更大。

There are so many moments of joy ahead of you.That trip you always wanted to take.A first kiss with someone you really like.The day you get a job doing something you truly believe in.Beating Stanford.(Go Bears!)All of these things will happen to you.Enjoy each and every one.你們的人生道路上還有許多快樂的時刻。比如一直想去的旅行，與你真正喜歡的人的初吻，一份真正熱愛的工作。還有擊敗斯坦福（加油金熊隊?。┟篮玫氖虑槎紩絹恚M情享受吧。

I hope that you live your life—each precious day of it—with joy and meaning.I hope that you walk without pain—and that you are grateful for each step.希望你們今后的每一天都充滿快樂充實，希望你們的每一步都輕松自在沒有痛苦，希望你們會意識到這一切值得感激。

And when the challenges come, I hope you remember that anchored deep within you is the ability to learn and grow.You are not born with a fixed amount of resilience.Like a muscle, you can build it up, draw on it when you need it.In that process you will figure out who you really are—and you just might become the very best version of yourself.面對挑戰(zhàn)時，希望你們記住最重要的是學(xué)習(xí)和成長的能力。你們面對挫折的韌性并非固定不變。像肌肉一樣，韌性是可以鍛煉的，需要時就可以發(fā)揮作用。成長過程中你會慢慢了解自我，而且可能已經(jīng)變成最好的自己。Class of 2016, as you leave Berkeley, build resilience.2016級的畢業(yè)生們，在你離開伯克利時，記得鍛煉韌性。

Build resilience in yourselves.When tragedy or disappointment strike, know that you have the ability to get through absolutely anything.I promise you do.As the saying goes, we are more vulnerable than we ever thought, but we are stronger than we ever imagined.加強自身克服困難的韌性。悲劇或挫折來臨時，你會知道自己有能力挺過去。相信我，你們可以的。常言道，我們比想象中脆弱，但也比想象中強大。Build resilient organizations.If anyone can do it, you can, because Berkeley is filled with people who want to make the world a better place.Never stop working to do so—whether it‘s a boardroom that is not representative or a campus that‘s not safe.Speak up, especially at institutions like this one, which you hold so dear.My favorite poster at work reads, ―Nothing at Facebook is someone else‘s problem.‖ When you see something that‘s broken, go fix it.打造堅韌的團體。別人能做到，你也可以，因為從伯克利走出去的都是想把世界變得更美好的人。董事會或許不太完善，校園也可能不太安全，但永遠不要放棄努力。大膽地說出意見，尤其是在伯克利這么難得的自由校園。辦公室里我最喜歡的一幅海報上寫著，―在Facebook任何事都不應(yīng)該推給別人。‖發(fā)現(xiàn)有什么事需要做，那就去做。

Build resilient communities.We find our humanity—our will to live and our ability to love—in our connections to one another.Be there for your family and friends.And I mean in person.Not just in a message with a heart emoji.建立強大的社區(qū)，人類都是通過與旁人的聯(lián)系找到自我認同的，在群體中人們才有生存的愿望，才能學(xué)會愛。要及時幫助家人朋友，一定要親自去，不要在手機上發(fā)條信息加個心形表情就算交差了。

Lift each other up, help each other kick the shit out of option B—and celebrate each and every moment of joy.互相扶持，幫助他人走出困境，慶祝每一個歡樂的時刻。

You have the whole world in front of you.I can‘t wait to see what you do with it.整個世界就在你們面前。我真的很期待你們的成就！Congratulations, and Go Bears!恭喜畢業(yè)，加油金熊隊！

第二篇：桑德伯格在加州大學(xué)伯克利分校2016畢業(yè)典禮上的演講

Facebook COO 雪莉·桑德伯格在加州大學(xué)伯克利分校2016畢業(yè)典禮上的演講

5月14日，F(xiàn)acebook 首席運營官、《向前一步》作者雪莉?桑德伯格（Sheryl Sandberg）在加州大學(xué)伯克利分校（UC Berkeley）2016畢業(yè)典禮上發(fā)表演講。在丈夫離世一年之際，她講到了痛失愛人的痛苦以及應(yīng)付挫折的韌性。丈夫去世后，她在“向前一步”方面有些新思考，近來也引發(fā)不少討論。

UNIVERSITY OF CALIFORNIA, BERKELEY 2016 Commencement Address Thank you, Marie.And thank you esteemed members of the faculty, proud parents, devoted friends, squirming siblings.Congratulations to all of you…and especially to the magnificent Berkeley graduating class of 2016!It is a privilege to be here at Berkeley, which has produced so many Nobel Prize winners, Turing Award winners, astronauts, members of Congress, Olympic gold medalists….and that’s just the women!

Berkeley has always been ahead of the times.In the 1960s, you led the Free Speech Movement.Back in those days, people used to say that with all the long hair, how do we even tell the boys from the girls? We now know the answer: manbuns.Early on, Berkeley opened its doors to the entire population.When this campus opened in 1873, the class included 167 men and 222 women.It took my alma mater another ninety years to award a single degree to a single woman.One of the women who came here in search of opportunity was Rosalind Nuss.Roz grew up scrubbing floors in the Brooklyn boardinghouse where she lived.She was pulled out of high school by her parents to help support their family.One of her teachers insisted that her parents put her back into school—and in 1937, she sat where you are sitting today and received a Berkeley degree.Roz was my grandmother.She was a huge inspiration to me and I’m so grateful that Berkeley recognized her potential.I want to take a moment to offer a special congratulations to the many here today who are the first generation in their families to graduate from college.What a remarkable achievement.Today is a day of celebration.A day to celebrate all the hard work that got you to this moment.Today is a day of thanks.A day to thank those who helped you get here—nurtured you, taught you, cheered you on, and dried your tears.Or at least the ones who didn’t draw on you with a Sharpie when you fell asleep at a party.Today is a day of reflection.Because today marks the end of one era of your life and the beginning of something new.A commencement address is meant to be a dance between youth and wisdom.You have the youth.Someone comes in to be the voice of wisdom—that’s supposed to be me.I stand up here and tell you all the things I have learned in life, you throw your cap in the air, you let your family take a million photos –don’t forget to post them on Instagram —and everyone goes home happy.Today will be a bit different.We will still do the caps and you still have to do the photos.But I am not here to tell you all the things I’ve learned in life.Today I will try to tell you what I learned in death.I have never spoken publicly about this before.It’s hard.But I will do my very best not to blow my nose on this beautiful Berkeley robe.One year and thirteen days ago, I lost my husband, Dave.His death was sudden and unexpected.We were at a friend’s fiftieth birthday party in Mexico.I took a nap.Dave went to work out.What followed was the unthinkable—walking into a gym to find him lying on the floor.Flying home to tell my children that their father was gone.Watching his casket being lowered into the ground.For many months afterward, and at many times since, I was swallowed up in the deep fog of grief—what I think of as the void—an emptiness that fills your heart, your lungs, constricts your ability to think or even to breathe.Dave’s death changed me in very profound ways.I learned about the depths of sadness and the brutality of loss.But I also learned that when life sucks you under, you can kick against the bottom, break the surface, and breathe again.I learned that in the face of the void—or in the face of any challenge—you can choose joy and meaning.I’m sharing this with you in the hopes that today, as you take the next step in your life, you can learn the lessons that I only learned in death.Lessons about hope, strength, and the light within us that will not be extinguished.Everyone who has made it through Cal has already experienced some disappointment.You wanted an A but you got a B.OK, let’s be honest—you got an A-but you’re still mad.You applied for an internship at Facebook, but you only got one from Google.She was the love of your life… but then she swiped left.Game of Thrones the show has diverged way too much from the books—and you bothered to read all four thousand three hundred and fifty-two pages.You will almost certainly face more and deeper adversity.There’s loss of opportunity: the job that doesn’t work out, the illness or accident that changes everything in an instant.There’s loss of dignity: the sharp sting of prejudice when it happens.There’s loss of love: the broken relationships that can’t be fixed.And sometimes there’s loss of life itself.Some of you have already experienced the kind of tragedy and hardship that leave an indelible mark.Last year, Radhika, the winner of the University Medal, spoke so beautifully about the sudden loss of her mother.The question is not if some of these things will happen to you.They will.Today I want to talk about what happens next.About the things you can do to overcome adversity, no matter what form it takes or when it hits you.The easy days ahead of you will be easy.It is the hard days—the times that challenge you to your very core—that will determine who you are.You will be defined not just by what you achieve, but by how you survive.A few weeks after Dave died, I was talking to my friend Phil about a father-son activity that Dave was not here to do.We came up with a plan to fill in for Dave.I cried to him, “But I want Dave.” Phil put his arm around me and said, “Option A is not available.So let’s just kick the shit out of option B.”

We all at some point live some form of option B.The question is: What do we do then? As a representative of Silicon Valley, I’m pleased to tell you there is data to learn from.After spending decades studying how people deal with setbacks, psychologist Martin Seligman found that there are three P’s—personalization, pervasiveness, and permanence—that are critical to how we bounce back from hardship.The seeds of resilience are planted in the way we process the negative events in our lives.The first P is personalization—the belief that we are at fault.This is different from taking responsibility, which you should always do.This is the lesson that not everything that happens to us happens because of us.When Dave died, I had a very common reaction, which was to blame myself.He died in seconds from a cardiac arrhythmia.I poured over his medical records asking what I could have—or should have—done.It wasn’t until I learned about the three P’s that I accepted that I could not have prevented his death.His doctors had not identified his coronary artery disease.I was an economics major;how could I have? Studies show that getting past personalization can actually make you stronger.Teachers who knew they could do better after students failed adjusted their methods and saw future classes go on to excel.College swimmers who underperformed but believed they were capable of swimming faster did.Not taking failures personally allows us to recover—and even to thrive.The second P is pervasiveness—the belief that an event will affect all areas of your life.You know that song “Everything is awesome?” This is the flip: “Everything is awful.” There’s no place to run or hide from the all-consuming sadness.The child psychologists I spoke to encouraged me to get my kids back to their routine as soon as possible.So ten days after Dave died, they went back to school and I went back to work.I remember sitting in my first Facebook meeting in a deep, deep haze.All I could think was, “What is everyone talking about and how could this possibly matter?” But then I got drawn into the discussion and for a second—a brief split second—I forgot about death.That brief second helped me see that there were other things in my life that were not awful.My children and I were healthy.My friends and family were so loving and they carried us—quite literally at times.The loss of a partner often has severe negative financial consequences, especially for women.So many single mothers—and fathers—struggle to make ends meet or have jobs that don’t allow them the time they need to care for their children.I had financial security, the ability to take the time off I needed, and a job that I did not just believe in, but where it’s actually OK to spend all day on Facebook.Gradually, my children started sleeping through the night, crying less, playing more.The third P is permanence—the belief that the sorrow will last forever.For months, no matter what I did, it felt like the crushing grief would always be there.We often project our current feelings out indefinitely—and experience what I think of as the second derivative of those feelings.We feel anxious—and then we feel anxious that we’re anxious.We feel sad—and then we feel sad that we’re sad.Instead, we should accept our feelings—but recognize that they will not last forever.My rabbi told me that time would heal but for now I should “l(fā)ean in to the suck.” It was good advice, but not really what I meant by “l(fā)ean in.”

None of you need me to explain the fourth P…which is, of course, pizza from Cheese Board.But I wish I had known about the three P’s when I was your age.There were so many times these lessons would have helped.Day one of my first job out of college, my boss found out that I didn’t know how to enter data into Lotus 1-2-3.That’s a spreadsheet—ask your parents.His mouth dropped open and he said, ‘I can’t believe you got this job without knowing that”—and then walked out of the room.I went home convinced that I was going to be fired.I thought I was terrible at everything… but it turns out I was only terrible at spreadsheets.Understanding pervasiveness would have saved me a lot of anxiety that week.I wish I had known about permanence when I broke up with boyfriends.It would’ve been a comfort to know that feeling was not going to last forever, and if I was being honest with myself… neither were any of those relationships.And I wish I had understood personalization when boyfriends broke up with me.Sometimes it’s not you—it really is them.I mean, that dude never showered.And all three P’s ganged up on me in my twenties after my first marriage ended in divorce.I thought at the time that no matter what I accomplished, I was a massive failure.The three P’s are common emotional reactions to so many things that happen to us—in our careers, our personal lives, and our relationships.You’re probably feeling one of them right now about something in your life.But if you can recognize you are falling into these traps, you can catch yourself.Just as our bodies have a physiological immune system, our brains have a psychological immune system—and there are steps you can take to help kick it into gear.One day my friend Adam Grant, a psychologist, suggested that I think about how much worse things could be.This was completely counterintuitive;it seemed like the way to recover was to try to find positive thoughts.“Worse?” I said.“Are you kidding me? How could things be worse?” His answer cut straight through me: “Dave could have had that same cardiac arrhythmia while he was driving your children.” Wow.The moment he said it, I was overwhelmingly grateful that the rest of my family was alive and healthy.That gratitude overtook some of the grief.Finding gratitude and appreciation is key to resilience.People who take the time to list things they are grateful for are happier and healthier.It turns out that counting your blessings can actually increase your blessings.My New Year’s resolution this year is to write down three moments of joy before I go to bed each night.This simple practice has changed my life.Because no matter what happens each day, I go to sleep thinking of something cheerful.Try it.Start tonight when you have so many fun moments to list— although maybe do it before you hit Kip’s and can still remember what they are.Last month, eleven days before the anniversary of Dave’s death, I broke down crying to a friend of mine.We were sitting—of all places—on a bathroom floor.I said: “Eleven days.One year ago, he had eleven days left.And we had no idea.” We looked at each other through tears, and asked how we would live if we knew we had eleven days left.As you graduate, can you ask yourselves to live as if you had eleven days left? I don’t mean blow everything off and party all the time— although tonight is an exception.I mean live with the understanding of how precious every single day would be.How precious every day actually is.A few years ago, my mom had to have her hip replaced.When she was younger, she always walked without pain.But as her hip disintegrated, each step became painful.Now, even years after her operation, she is grateful for every step she takes without pain—something that never would have occurred to her before.As I stand here today, a year after the worst day of my life, two things are true.I have a huge reservoir of sadness that is with me always—right here where I can touch it.I never knew I could cry so often—or so much.But I am also aware that I am walking without pain.For the first time, I am grateful for each breath in and out—grateful for the gift of life itself.I used to celebrate my every five years and friends’ birthdays sometimes.Now I celebrate always.I used to go to sleep worrying about all the things I messed up that day—and trust me that list was often quite long.Now I try really hard to focus on each day’s moments of joy.It is the greatest irony of my life that losing my husban d helped me find deeper gratitude—gratitude for the kindness of my friends, the love of my family, the laughter of my children.My hope for you is that you can find that gratitude—not just on the good days, like today, but on the hard ones, when you will really need it.There are so many moments of joy ahead of you.That trip you always wanted to take.A first kiss with someone youreally like.The day you get a job doing something you truly believe in.Beating Stanford.(Go Bears!)All of these things will happen to you.Enjoy each and every one.I hope that you live your life—each precious day of it—with joy and meaning.I hope that you walk without pain—and that you are grateful for each step.And when the challenges come, I hope you remember that anchored deep within you is the ability to learn and grow.You are not born with a fixed amount of resilience.Like a muscle, you can build it up, draw on it when you need it.In that process you will figure out who you really are—and you just might become the very best version of yourself.Class of 2016, as you leave Berkeley, build resilience.Build resilience in yourselves.When tragedy or disappointment strike, know that you have the ability to get through absolutely anything.I promise you do.As the saying goes, we are more vulnerable than we ever thought, but we are stronger than we ever imagined.Build resilient organizations.If anyone can do it, you can, because Berkeley is filled with people who want to make the world a better place.Never stop working to do so—whether it’s a boardroom that is not representative or a campus that’s not safe.Speak up, especially at institutions like this one, which you hold so dear.My favorite poster at work reads, “Nothing at Facebook is someone else’s problem.” When you see something that’s broken, go fix it.Build resilient communities.We find our humanity—our will to live and our ability to love—in our connections to one another.Be there for your family and friends.And I mean in person.Not just in a message with a heart emoji.Lift each other up, help each other kick the shit out of option B—and celebrate each and every moment of joy.You have the whole world in front of you.I can’t wait to see what you do with it.Congratulations, and Go Bears!

桑德伯格在加州大學(xué)伯克利分校2016畢業(yè)典禮上的演講

謝謝瑪麗。謝謝尊敬的老師們、光榮的父母、忠誠的朋友，兄弟姐妹們。祝賀所有人……尤其是伯克利2016的畢業(yè)生們！

在伯克利求學(xué)是一件幸事，這里出過眾多的諾貝爾獎得主、圖靈獎獲得者、宇航員、國會議員和奧運會金牌得主……而且都有女性！伯克利從來走在時代前列。上世紀60年代，你們的前輩們倡導(dǎo)了言論自由運動。當(dāng)時還有人說，如果男女都留長發(fā)要怎么分辨呢？現(xiàn)在早就有答案了：男生可以梳發(fā)髻。

其實在那之前伯克利就已兼容并包。伯克利1873年建校，第一屆學(xué)生中有167名男生，222名女生。我的母校（哈佛大學(xué)——譯者注）過了90年后才向女性頒發(fā)第一個學(xué)位。

曾經(jīng)有一位女性來到這里求學(xué)，她的名字是羅莎琳德?努斯?羅姿。羅姿在紐約布魯克林一處公寓里長大，靠擦地為生。高中時，她的父母讓她輟學(xué)養(yǎng)家，幸好被一位老師及時勸服才能繼續(xù)上學(xué)。1937年，她從伯克利畢業(yè)了，就坐在你們現(xiàn)在的位置。故事里的羅姿是我的祖母。直到現(xiàn)在，她的經(jīng)歷都是我強大的精神支柱。非常感謝伯克利當(dāng)年慧眼識才。我還要特別恭喜成為家中第一代大學(xué)生的才俊，你們非常了不起！

今天值得慶祝，你們付出了很多努力才走到今天。

今天應(yīng)該感謝。要感謝幫助你們一步步走到這里的人，感謝培養(yǎng)你，教導(dǎo)你，鼓勵你，為你擦過眼淚的人。

至少也該感謝你在聚會上睡著后沒用記號筆在你臉上亂畫的小伙伴們。今天應(yīng)該沉思。因為今天意味著你生命中一個時代結(jié)束，一個新時代開始。畢業(yè)典禮致詞仿佛一場青春和智慧之間的交鋒。臺下青春洋溢，演講臺上睿智深刻。今天我本應(yīng)跟你們分享一些人生經(jīng)驗。然后，你們把帽子扔到空中，和家人拍照留影，——不要忘了發(fā)布在Instagram上，最后大家都高高興興地回家。但今天會有點不一樣?；蛟S你們還是會扔帽子，還是會拍很多照片。但我今天不想傳授生活方面的經(jīng)驗，而是想講講從親人離世后的領(lǐng)悟。我以前從未公開談?wù)撨^這件事，其實很難說出口。我會盡量控制住情緒免得哭出來，弄臟這件漂亮的伯克利長袍不太好。

一年零13天前，我的丈夫戴夫去世了，很突然也很意外。我們?nèi)ツ鞲鐓⒓优笥训?0歲生日聚會。我睡了個午覺，戴夫去鍛煉。接下來的事完全不可想象，我走進健身房看見他躺在地板上。后來我坐飛機回家將這個不幸的消息告訴了孩子們，最后親眼看著他的棺材下葬。他去世后好幾個月里，我經(jīng)常悲傷得無法自已，內(nèi)心只覺得一片無盡的空虛四處蔓延，占據(jù)了五臟六腑，我無力思考，甚至感覺像要窒息。戴夫的死深刻地改變了我。我終于明白了什么叫切膚之痛，也體會到痛失所愛的殘酷。但我也明白了，當(dāng)生活給你當(dāng)頭一棒，墮入悲傷之海，你能做的就是奮力游向水面，大口呼吸。我明白了，即便悲傷至空虛，或是面對巨大挑戰(zhàn)，你仍然可以選擇快樂和有意義的生活。我跟你們分享親人離世的感受，是希望能在你們走上社會時就能理解失去的痛苦，明白什么是希望、力量和心中永不熄滅的火苗。

每個從伯克利畢業(yè)的人肯定都經(jīng)歷過挫折。你想考A，結(jié)果只得到一個B。你申請到Facebook實習(xí)，結(jié)果只能去谷歌。你全心愛她，她卻甩了你…… 電視劇《權(quán)力的游戲》太不尊重原著，你就去看完了4320頁的書……

生活中總會碰到很多難處理的事。有時錯失機會：工作不合適，遭遇疾病或事故因而一切瞬間改變。有時尊嚴盡失：刻薄的偏見常常刺痛人心。有時緣盡人散：親密關(guān)系一旦破碎就難重圓。有時不僅是生離，還要面臨死別。你們當(dāng)中有些人已然歷經(jīng)刻骨的悲劇和苦難。去年大學(xué)獎?wù)碌弥骼峡ㄔl(fā)表演講，動情講述了母親突然去世的悲痛。問題不是這些事情會不會發(fā)生，它們遲早都會來的。我想說的是發(fā)生之后怎么辦，不管什么困難也不管具體什么時候遭遇，關(guān)鍵是怎樣從困境中振作起來。其實只有經(jīng)歷了真正難捱的日子，被逼到崩潰邊緣，你才能真正了解自己。要發(fā)掘真實的內(nèi)心，不僅要看取得的成就，更要看逆境中如何奮起。戴夫去世幾個星期后，我和我的朋友菲爾談?wù)撘粓鲆赣H參加的親子活動。戴夫不在了，我們只好找別人代替他。我哭著對他說：“但我只想要戴夫。”菲爾摟住我說：“A計劃不行了，將就將就用B計劃吧?！?/p>

我們總會碰到不盡如人意只能用B計劃的時候，問題是：該怎么面對？

可能有點硅谷的職業(yè)病吧，我想說走出挫折也要科學(xué)對待。心理學(xué)家馬丁?塞利格曼（Martin Seligman）研究幾十年后發(fā)現(xiàn)，從苦難中振作起來關(guān)鍵是做到三點——不要過分自責(zé)（personalization）、不要過分解讀（pervasiveness）以及不要以為傷痛永遠不褪（permanence）。挺過生活中一次次打擊，才能慢慢磨煉出韌性。

不要過分自責(zé)，就是說不要把悲傷的原因攬到自己身上。承擔(dān)責(zé)任是應(yīng)該的，但是痛苦時不要過分情緒化，要清楚一件事，并不是所有的壞事都是自己造成的。戴夫去世后我就忍不住責(zé)怪自己。他在幾秒鐘內(nèi)死于心臟病突發(fā)。我翻遍他的病歷尋找線索，看看我要是做了什么，戴夫就不會死。明白這三條原則之后，我才慢慢接受不管怎樣都救不了他這個事實。他的醫(yī)生們沒發(fā)現(xiàn)他有心臟病，我一個學(xué)經(jīng)濟的又怎么可能發(fā)現(xiàn)呢？

研究表明減少過分自責(zé)確實會讓人強大起來。學(xué)生掛科之后老師與其后悔沒盡力，不如努力改進教學(xué)方法幫助以后的學(xué)生取得好成績。大學(xué)里游泳運動員成績不理想，但是只要堅信可以游得更好，就能實現(xiàn)。只有走出過分自責(zé)的陰影，才能盡快恢復(fù)，甚至督促自己做得更好。第二條不要過分解讀，就是不要篤定壞事一定會影響生活中每個角落。有一首歌叫《一切都是極好的》，反過來就是《一切都是可怕的》。人們常常會以為悲傷大過天，根本無處可逃。

我跟兒童心理學(xué)家聊了之后，他讓我盡快恢復(fù)孩子們的日常習(xí)慣。戴夫去世十天后，他們回到學(xué)校，我則回到工作崗位。我記得回去上班后頭一次開會，精神都是恍惚的。我心里想的都是，“他們都在說什么，這些小事有什么好說的？”但后來我加入討論，說著說著突然有那么一瞬，我好像忘記了死亡的悲痛。

那短暫的一瞬讓我明白，生活中還有一些事沒那么糟糕。畢竟，我跟孩子們都很健康，親朋好友都那么關(guān)心支持我們，那段時間真的多虧他們撐著我才沒垮。失去伴侶往往會伴隨巨大的經(jīng)濟打擊，女性更是如此。許多單身母親和父親都在非常努力工作，沒什么時間照看孩子。跟他們比我不用擔(dān)心經(jīng)濟來源，能抽出時間照顧孩子，而且我有一份很好的工作。漸漸地，孩子們晚上能睡踏實了，哭鬧少了，又愿意玩了。

第三條是不要以為傷痛永遠不褪，就是相信痛苦會一直繼續(xù)。戴夫去世后有幾個月，無論我做什么都能感覺到令人窒息的悲傷，而且從來沒有減輕的跡象。我們總是覺得當(dāng)前不好的感覺會無限延伸，而且不良情緒還會滋生副產(chǎn)品。我們感到焦慮，然后因為焦慮而焦慮；感到傷心，然后因為傷心而傷心。實際上，我們應(yīng)該誠實面對自己的感覺，然后認清事實，其實所有感覺都不會永遠持續(xù)。我的拉比（猶太教里的精神導(dǎo)師——譯者注）說，時間會治愈一切，我也得學(xué)會“向前一步”。這是個好建議，不過我寫書時說的“向前一步”其實不完全是這個意思。其實還有第四個原則，就是美味的披薩，不用解釋了吧……

言歸正傳，我真的很希望在你們這個年齡就知道這三條原則。許多時候，這些經(jīng)驗都很有用。

我大學(xué)畢業(yè)后做第一份工作時，老板發(fā)現(xiàn)我不會把數(shù)據(jù)錄入蓮花1-2-3（蓮花公司的電子表格軟件——譯者注）。蓮花1-2-3是個電子表格——你們的爸媽可能知道。他張大嘴說：“連這個都不會，真不知道你怎么進來公司的。” 然后就走出去了。晚上回家我覺得要被炒魷魚，然后覺得我什么事都做不好……但事實證明，我只是不會做電子表格而已。如果我當(dāng)時就能明白不要過分解讀，沒必要一時難過就否定一切，當(dāng)時就不會那么焦慮。我跟男朋友提出分手時，要是明白痛苦并不會一直持續(xù)就好了。如果我當(dāng)時知道再難受也會慢慢緩解，如果我能誠實面對自己，就會安慰很多，不過我都沒做到。男朋友和我分手時，我要是懂得不要過分自責(zé)就好了。有時真的不是我的錯，錯的是他們。說了你可能都不信，這家伙從來不洗澡。

我20多歲時第一次婚姻以離婚告終，這三條原則一條都沒做到。當(dāng)時的感覺是不管我做成過什么，最后還是一敗涂地。

這三條原則針對的是我們遇到許多事情后常見的反應(yīng)，不管是事業(yè)上，個人生活里，還是人際關(guān)系中。沒準你現(xiàn)在就正在經(jīng)歷一些挫折。不過，如果你能清醒地發(fā)現(xiàn)陷阱，還有自救的機會。我們的身體里都有免疫系統(tǒng)，其實大腦里也有精神免疫系統(tǒng)，只是要用點辦法才能啟動。有一天，我的心理學(xué)家朋友亞當(dāng)?格蘭特建議我換個角度思考，想象事情可能會更糟糕。剛一聽讓人挺難接受的?！案悖俊蔽艺f?！伴_玩笑嗎？都這樣了還能怎么糟?！蔽艺f。他回答道：“想象一下戴夫開車時突發(fā)心臟病，孩子們也都在車里。”天吶！那一刻，我突然很感激孩子們都沒事，還健康地活著。感激之后悲傷也減輕了一點。

常懷感激之情是走出悲傷的關(guān)鍵。多花點時間列出值得感恩的事，就會更快樂也更健康。事實證明，多數(shù)數(shù)身邊的好事，好事真的會越變越多。我今年的新年決心就是，每天晚上睡覺前寫下三件當(dāng)天高興的事。做起來其實不難，但已經(jīng)改變了我的生活。因為不管每天發(fā)生了什么，我睡覺的時候都在想著快樂的事。今晚開始試一下吧，今天肯定就有很多開心的事可以列。希望今晚你們臨睡前都還記得。

上個月有一天，我想到還有11天戴夫逝世就滿周年了，在一個朋友面前忍不住痛哭，當(dāng)時我們還坐在浴室地板上。我說：“11天。一年前的今天，他的生命只剩下11天了，我們卻不知道。”我們望著彼此都忍不住痛哭，然后問對方如果知道生命只剩下11天會如何生活。

你們畢業(yè)了，以后能像生命只剩下11天一樣去生活嗎？我的意思不是讓你們拋下一切，每天都去聚會狂歡，當(dāng)然今晚例外。我的意思是要明白每天都很珍貴。每一天都要珍惜不能浪費。

幾年前，我母親做手術(shù)換了髖關(guān)節(jié)。她年輕時走路總是會疼，髖關(guān)節(jié)粉碎性骨折之后每一步都疼痛難忍?，F(xiàn)在做完手術(shù)好幾年了，她還會經(jīng)常感激走路不會疼，因為手術(shù)前根本無法想象。

如今我人生中最慘的一天過去已經(jīng)一年了，我能確定兩件事情是真實的。第一，我心中巨大的悲傷會永遠揮之不去，就在這，我都能觸摸到。還有就是以前我從來沒想過我能天天哭，淚水能那么多。

但我也能確定我可以輕松走路，不用忍受疼痛。有生以來第一次，我感激每一次呼吸，感激自己的生命。過去我每五年過一次生日，朋友的生日只是偶爾慶?！，F(xiàn)在，每次我都不錯過。過去我睡覺前總是在想當(dāng)天有多少事沒做好，其實經(jīng)常搞砸很多。而現(xiàn)在我會集中精神想當(dāng)天高興的事。說起來可能有點諷刺，我失去了丈夫，卻因此體會到更深的感激——感謝朋友們的好意、感謝家人的愛，感謝孩子們的歡笑。我希望你們也能學(xué)會感激，不僅是在好日子里感激，比方說今天，在艱難的日子里更要感激，到那時感激之情對你們的幫助更大。

你們的人生道路上還有許多快樂的時刻。比如一直想去的旅行，與你真正喜歡的人的初吻，一份真正熱愛的工作。還有擊敗斯坦福（加油金熊隊?。┟篮玫氖虑槎紩絹?，盡情享受吧。

希望你們今后的每一天都充滿快樂充實，希望你們的每一步都輕松自在沒有痛苦，希望你們會意識到這一切值得感激。面對挑戰(zhàn)時，希望你們記住最重要的是學(xué)習(xí)和成長的能力。你們面對挫折的韌性并非固定不變。像肌肉一樣，韌性是可以鍛煉的，需要時就可以發(fā)揮作用。成長過程中你會慢慢了解自我，而且可能已經(jīng)變成最好的自己。2016的畢業(yè)生們，在你離開伯克利時，記得鍛煉韌性。

加強自身克服困難的韌性。悲劇或挫折來臨時，你會知道自己有能力挺過去。相信我，你們可以的。常言道，我們比想象中脆弱，但也比想象中強大。

打造堅韌的團體。別人能做到，你也可以，因為從伯克利走出去的都是想把世界變得更美好的人。董事會或許不太完善，校園也可能不太安全，但永遠不要放棄努力。大膽地說出意見，尤其是在伯克利這么難得的自由校園。辦公室里我最喜歡的一幅海報上寫著，“在Facebook任何事都不應(yīng)該推給別人?！卑l(fā)現(xiàn)有什么事需要做，那就去做。建立強大的社區(qū)，人類都是通過與旁人的聯(lián)系找到自我認同的，在群體中人們才有生存的愿望，才能學(xué)會愛。要及時幫助家人朋友，一定要親自去，不要在手機上發(fā)條信息加個心形表情就算交差了。

互相扶持，幫助他人走出困境，慶祝每一個歡樂的時刻。整個世界就在你們面前。我真的很期待你們的成就！恭喜畢業(yè)，加油金熊隊！

第三篇：桑德伯格在UC伯克利畢業(yè)演講[范文]

Thank you, Marie.And thank you esteemed members of the faculty, proud parents, devoted friends, and squirming siblings.Congratulations to all of you…and especially to the magnificent Berkeley graduating class of 2016!

It is a privilege to be here at Berkeley, which has produced so many Nobel Prize winners, Turing Award winners, astronauts, members of Congress, Olympic gold medalists….and that’s just the women!

Berkeley has always been ahead of the times.In the 1960s, you led the Free Speech Movement.Back in those days, people used to say that with all the long hair, how do we even tell the boys from the girls? We now know the answer: man buns.Early on, Berkeley opened its doors to the entire population.When this campus opened in 1873, the class included 167 men and 222 women.It took my alma mater another ninety years to award a single degree to a single woman.One of the women who came here in search of opportunity was Rosalind Nuss.Roz grew up scrubbing floors in the Brooklyn boardinghouse where she lived.She was pulled out of high school by her parents to help support their family.One of her teachers insisted that her parents put her back into school—and in 1937, she sat where you are sitting today and received a Berkeley degree.Roz was my grandmother.She was a huge inspiration to me and I’m so grateful that Berkeley recognized her potential.I want to take a moment to offer a special congratulations to the many here today who are the first generation in their families to graduate from college.What a remarkable achievement.Today is a day of celebration.A day to celebrate all the hard work that got you to this moment.Today is a day of thanks.A day to thank those who helped you get here—nurtured you, taught you, cheered you on, and dried your tears.Or at least the ones man who didn’t draw on you with a Sharpie when you fell asleep at a party.Today is a day of reflection.Because today marks the end of one era of your life and the beginning of something new.A commencement address is meant to be a dance between youth and wisdom.You have the youth.Someone comes in to be the voice of wisdom—that’s supposed to be me.I stand up here and tell you all the things I have learned in life, you throw your cap in the air, you let your family take a million photos –don’t forget to post them on instagram—and everyone goes home happy.Today will be a bit different.We will still do the caps and you still have to do the photos.But I am not here to tell you all the things I’ve learned in life.Today I will try to tell you what I learned in death.I have never spoken publicly about this before.It’s hard.But I will do my very best not to blow my nose on this beautiful Berkeley robe.One year and thirteen days ago, I lost my husband, Dave.His death was sudden and unexpected.We were at a friend’s fiftieth birthday party in Mexico.I took a nap.Dave went to work out.What followed was the unthinkable—walking into a gym to find him lying on the floor.Flying home to tell my children that their father was gone.Watching his casket being lowered into the ground.For many months afterward, and at many times since, I was swallowed up in the deep fog of grief—what I think of as the void—an emptiness that fills your heart, your lungs, constricts your ability to think or even to breathe.Dave’s death changed me in very profound ways.I learned about the depths of sadness and the brutality of loss.But I also learned that when life sucks you under, you can kick against the bottom, break the surface, and breathe again.I learned that in the face of the void—or in the face of any challenge—you can choose joy and meaning.I’m sharing this with you in the hopes that today, as you take the next step in your life, you can learn the lessons that I only learned in death.Lessons about hope, strength, and the light within us that will not be extinguished.Everyone who has made it through Cal has already experienced some disappointment.You wanted an A but you got a B.OK, let’s be honest—you got an A-but you’re still mad.You applied for an internship at Facebook, but you only got one from Google.She was the love of your life… but then she swiped left.Game of Thrones the show has diverged way too much from the books—and you bothered to read all four thousand three hundred and fifty-two pages.You will almost certainly face more and deeper adversity.There’s loss of opportunity: the job that doesn’t work out, the illness or accident that changes everything in an instant.There’s loss of dignity: the sharp sting of prejudice when it happens.There’s loss of love: the broken relationships that can’t be fixed.And sometimes there’s loss of life itself.Some of you have already experienced the kind of tragedy and hardship that leave an indelible mark.Last year, Radhika, the winner of the University Medal, spoke so beautifully about the sudden loss of her mother.The question is not if some of these things will happen to you.They will.Today I want to talk about what happens next.About the things you can do to overcome adversity, no matter what form it takes or when it hits you.The easy days ahead of you will be easy.It is the hard days—the times that challenge you to your very core—that will determine who you are.You will be defined not just by what you achieve, but by how you survive.A few weeks after Dave died, I was talking to my friend Phil about a father-son activity that Dave was not here to do.We came up with a plan to fill in for Dave.I cried to him, “But I want Dave.” Phil put his arm around me and said, “Option A is not available.So let’s just kick the shit out of option B.”

We all at some point live some form of option B.The question is: What do we do then?

As a representative of Silicon Valley, I’m pleased to tell you there is data to learn from.After spending decades studying how people deal with setbacks, psychologist Martin Seligman found that there are three P’s—personalization, pervasiveness, and permanence—that are critical to how we bounce back from hardship.The seeds of resilience are planted in the way we process the negative events in our lives.The first P is personalization—the belief that we are at fault.This is different from taking responsibility, which you should always do.This is the lesson that not everything that happens to us happens because of us.When Dave died, I had a very common reaction, which was to blame myself.He died in seconds from a cardiac arrhythmia.I poured over his medical records asking what I could have—or should have—done.It wasn’t until I learned about the three P’s that I accepted that I could not have prevented his death.His doctors had not identified his coronary artery disease.I was an economics major;how could I have?

Studies show that getting past personalization can actually make you stronger.Teachers who knew they could do better after students failed adjusted their methods and saw future classes go on to excel.College swimmers who underperformed but believed they were capable of swimming faster did.Not taking failures personally allows us to recover—and even to thrive.The second P is pervasiveness—the belief that an event will affect all areas of your life.You know that song “Everything is awesome?” This is the flip: “Everything is awful.” There’s no place to run or hide from the all-consuming sadness.The child psychologists I spoke to encouraged me to get my kids back to their routine as soon as possible.So ten days after Dave died, they went back to school and I went back to work.I remember sitting in my first Facebook meeting in a deep, deep haze.All I could think was, “What is everyone talking about and how could this possibly matter?” But then I got drawn into the discussion and for a second—a brief split second—I forgot about death.That brief second helped me see that there were other things in my life that were not awful.My children and I were healthy.My friends and family were so loving and they carried us—quite literally at times.The loss of a partner often has severe negative financial consequences, especially for women.So many single mothers—and fathers—struggle to make ends meet or have jobs that don’t allow them the time they need to care for their children.I had financial security, the ability to take the time off I needed, and a job that I did not just believe in, but where it’s actually OK to spend all day on Facebook.Gradually, my children started sleeping through the night, crying less, playing more.The third P is permanence—the belief that the sorrow will last forever.For months, no matter what I did, it felt like the crushing grief would always be there.We often project our current feelings out indefinitely—and experience what I think of as the second derivative of those feelings.We feel anxious—and then we feel anxious that we’re anxious.We feel sad—and then we feel sad that we’re sad.Instead, we should accept our feelings—but recognize that they will not last forever.My rabbi told me that time would heal but for now I should “l(fā)ean in to the suck.” It was good advice, but not really what I meant by “l(fā)ean in.”

None of you need me to explain the fourth P…which is, of course, pizza from Cheese Board.But I wish I had known about the three P’s when I was your age.There were so many times these lessons would have helped.Day one of my first job out of college, my boss found out that I didn’t know how to enter data into Lotus 1-2-3.That’s a spreadsheet—ask your parents.His mouth dropped open and he said, ‘I can’t believe you got this job without knowing that”—and then walked out of the room.I went home convinced that I was going to be fired.I thought I was terrible at everything… but it turns out I was only terrible at spreadsheets.Understanding pervasiveness would have saved me a lot of anxiety that week.I wish I had known about permanence when I broke up with boyfriends.It would’ve been a comfort to know that feeling was not going to last forever, and if I was being honest with myself… neither were any of those relationships.And I wish I had understood personalization when boyfriends broke up with me.Sometimes it’s not you—it really is them.I mean, that dude never showered.And all three P’s ganged up on me in my twenties after my first marriage ended in divorce.I thought at the time that no matter what I accomplished, I was a massive failure.The three P’s are common emotional reactions to so many things that happen to us—in our careers, our personal lives, and our relationships.You’re probably feeling one of them right now about something in your life.But if you can recognize you are falling into these traps, you can catch yourself.Just as our bodies have a physiological immune system, our brains have a psychological immune system—and there are steps you can take to help kick it into gear.One day my friend Adam Grant, a psychologist, suggested that I think about how much worse things could be.This was completely counterintuitive;it seemed like the way to recover was to try to find positive thoughts.“Worse?” I said.“Are you kidding me? How could things be worse?” His answer cut straight through me: “Dave could have had that same cardiac arrhythmia while he was driving your children.” Wow.The moment he said it, I was overwhelmingly grateful that the rest of my family was alive and healthy.That gratitude overtook some of the grief.Finding gratitude and appreciation is key to resilience.People who take the time to list things they are grateful for are happier and healthier.It turns out that counting your blessings can actually increase your blessings.My New Year’s resolution this year is to write down three moments of joy before I go to bed each night.This simple practice has changed my life.Because no matter what happens each day, I go to sleep thinking of something cheerful.Try it.Start tonight when you have so many fun moments to list— although maybe do it before you hit Kip’s and can still remember what they are.Last month, eleven days before the anniversary of Dave’s death, I broke down crying to a friend of mine.We were sitting—of all places—on a bathroom floor.I said: “Eleven days.One year ago, he had eleven days left.And we had no idea.” We looked at each other through tears, and asked how we would live if we knew we had eleven days left.As you graduate, can you ask yourselves to live as if you had eleven days left? I don’t mean blow everything off and party all the time— although tonight is an exception.I mean live with the understanding of how precious every single day would be.How precious every day actually is.A few years ago, my mom had to have her hip replaced.When she was younger, she always walked without pain.But as her hip disintegrated, each step became painful.Now, even years after her operation, she is grateful for every step she takes without pain—something that never would have occurred to her before.As I stand here today, a year after the worst day of my life, two things are true.I have a huge reservoir of sadness that is with me always—right here where I can touch it.I never knew I could cry so often—or so much.But I am also aware that I am walking without pain.For the first time, I am grateful for each breath in and out—grateful for the gift of life itself.I used to celebrate my birthday every five years and friends’ birthdays sometimes.Now I celebrate always.I used to go to sleep worrying about all the things I messed up that day—and trust me that list was often quite long.Now I try really hard to focus on each day’s moments of joy.It is the greatest irony of my life that losing my husband helped me find deeper gratitude—gratitude for the kindness of my friends, the love of my family, the laughter of my children.My hope for you is that you can find that gratitude—not just on the good days, like today, but on the hard ones, when you will really need it.There are so many moments of joy ahead of you.That trip you always wanted to take.A first kiss with someone you really like.The day you get a job doing something you truly believe in.Beating Stanford.(Go Bears!)All of these things will happen to you.Enjoy each and every one.I hope that you live your life—each precious day of it—with joy and meaning.I hope that you walk without pain—and that you are grateful for each step.And when the challenges come, I hope you remember that anchored deep within you is the ability to learn and grow.You are not born with a fixed amount of resilience.Like a muscle, you can build it up, draw on it when you need it.In that process you will figure out who you really are—and you just might become the very best version of yourself.Class of 2016, as you leave Berkeley, build resilience.Build resilience in yourselves.When tragedy or disappointment strike, know that you have the ability to get through absolutely anything.I promise you do.As the saying goes, we are more vulnerable than we ever thought, but we are stronger than we ever imagined.Build resilient organizations.If anyone can do it, you can, because Berkeley is filled with people who want to make the world a better place.Never stop working to do so—whether it’s a boardroom that is not representative or a campus that’s not safe.Speak up, especially at institutions like this one, which you hold so dear.My favorite poster at work reads, “Nothing at Facebook is someone else’s problem.” When you see something that’s broken, go fix it.Build resilient communities.We find our humanity—our will to live and our ability to love—in our connections to one another.Be there for your family and friends.And I mean in person.Not just in a message with a heart emoji.Lift each other up, help each other kick the shit out of option B—and celebrate each and every moment of joy.You have the whole world in front of you.I can’t wait to see what you do with it.Congratulations, and Go Bears!

第四篇：桑德伯格TED演講

桑德伯格TED演講：為什么女性領(lǐng)導(dǎo)那么少？

Facebook COO 謝樂爾·桑德伯格（Sheryl Sandberg）

謝樂爾·桑德伯格（Sheryl Sandberg）是全球最大的社交網(wǎng)站Facebook的首席運營官，曾任比爾·克林頓政府的財政部辦公室主任，后任Google副總裁，短時間內(nèi)幫助谷歌實現(xiàn)盈利。2008年3月，桑德伯格加入新興社交網(wǎng)絡(luò)Facebook，擔(dān)任首席運營官。3年后，F(xiàn)acebook的用戶數(shù)從當(dāng)初的6000萬飆升至如今的7億，廣告收入更是從2008年的3億美元上漲到2010年的19億美元，比兩年前翻了六倍，而Google的廣告收入在這三年增速減緩。她在演講中為職場女性提供3條建議：像男性一樣坐到談判桌旁，爭取自己能夠勝任的職位和應(yīng)得的薪水；與伴侶有效溝通，共同分擔(dān)家務(wù)和養(yǎng)育孩子的責(zé)任；在得到自己想要的職位前“不要提前離場”。

正文：我們先承認我們是幸運的。我們沒有生活在我們母親和我們祖母生活過的那個世界，在那時，女性的職業(yè)選擇是非常有限的。今天在座的各位，大多數(shù)人成長于一個女性有基本公民權(quán)的世界。令人驚訝地是，我們還生活在一個有些女性還沒有這些權(quán)利的世界。但除上所述，我們還有一個問題，它是一個實際問題。這問題是：在世界各地，女性沒達到任何職業(yè)的高管職位。這些數(shù)據(jù)很清楚地告訴我們這實情。190個國家元首里，九位是女性領(lǐng)導(dǎo)。在世界上議會的總?cè)藬?shù)中，13%是女性議員。在公司部門，女性占據(jù)高位C級職位，董事會席位高管職位比例占15%，16%。自從2002年起這數(shù)據(jù)沒變化過有下降趨勢。即使在非營利的行業(yè)----我們有時認為這一行業(yè)是被更多女性所領(lǐng)導(dǎo)的，女性領(lǐng)導(dǎo)人占20%。

我們還面臨著另一個問題，就是女性在職業(yè)成功和個人價值實現(xiàn)中所面臨的艱難選擇。美國最近一個研究表明，已婚高管人員，三分之二的已婚男性高管人員有孩子，只有三分之一的已婚女性高管人員有孩子。幾年前，我在紐約，出席一個協(xié)議，在那種別致的紐約私募投資辦事處中的一個你能想象到的。我在這個大約有3小時的會議上，過了2小時，有個間歇休息，所有人都站起來，這會議組織者開始顯得的確很尷尬。我意識到他不知道在他辦公室哪里是女洗手間。所以我開始尋找移動廁所，盤算他們剛搬進來，但我沒有看到任何移動廁所。然后我說，“你是剛搬到這辦公室嗎？”他說，“不是，我們在這兒已經(jīng)有一年了。”我說，“你能否告訴我這一年來，我是唯一一個來這間辦公室的女性嗎？”他看著我，說到，“是的。或者說你可能是唯一一個要上女性洗手間?！?/p>

所以問題是，我們該怎樣解決這樣的尷尬？我們怎樣改變這些高管職位的比例？我們怎樣使這個變得不同？我首先想說，我談這個女性就職因為我的確認為我們得找到答案。在我們勞動力的高收入的部分，在高管的人員中，財富500強首席執(zhí)行長官中，或在其它類似的高管行業(yè)中，我確信，問題是女性被排除在外。當(dāng)下人們對此談了很多，他們談到像彈性時間和指導(dǎo)公司應(yīng)該培訓(xùn)婦女計劃的事。今天我不想談這些盡管所有這些事都非常重要。今天我想關(guān)注作為個人我們所能做到的事。我們要告訴給自己的事是什么？我們告訴給女同事和打工的女性的事是什么？我們要告訴給我們女兒的事是什么？

現(xiàn)在首先，我想澄清這個演講不帶有任何評判。我也沒有正確的答案；甚至就我而言，我也沒有完全的答案。在周一，我離開我生活的加利福尼亞，我坐上飛機趕赴這會議。當(dāng)我送我三歲的女兒到幼兒園時，她緊緊抱進我的腿，哭喊著，“媽咪，不要上飛機”之類的話。這很難受。有時我感到內(nèi)疚。我知道無論是家庭主婦，還是職業(yè)女性，有時她們都會感同身受。所以我不會說對所有人來說，呆在職場是件正確的事。今天我的演講是要講如果你真正想呆在職場。我想有3條建議。

一、坐在桌旁。

二、讓你的伴侶成為一個真正的合作伙伴。

三、在你離開前別放棄。

第一、坐在桌旁。僅僅幾周前在臉譜，我們主持一個非常高級行政官員會議，馬克·扎克伯格與來自硅谷周圍的高級行政官員見面。每個人都坐在桌邊。然后攜同他的2個女性，在他部門中她們也占非常高的職位。我對她們說，“坐在桌邊。來吧，坐在桌邊?！币驗樗齻冏诹宋葑拥囊贿?。我在大四時，我選修一節(jié)歐洲思想史的課程。你們喜愛大學(xué)的這類課程嘛。我希望我現(xiàn)在能做到。我和我室友卡麗一起學(xué)習(xí)，她那時是一個才華橫溢的文學(xué)學(xué)生，現(xiàn)在成為了一個杰出的文學(xué)家，另外我的弟弟一個聰明的小伙子，但他愛打水球，他上醫(yī)學(xué)預(yù)科大二。我們?nèi)艘黄疬x修這課。然后卡麗讀了所有希臘文和拉丁文的原版書籍--去了所有的課--我讀了所有英語的書上了大多數(shù)的課。我弟弟有點忙；他讀了12本書中的一本去上了幾節(jié)課，在考試前幾天他來到我們房間自己輔導(dǎo)了一下。我們?nèi)齻€一起去考試了，我們坐下來。我們考了有3個小時，我們的小藍筆記本，是的。我們走出來，對視對方，我們說，“你考得怎樣？”卡麗說，“伙計，我感到我真沒有答對有關(guān)黑格爾辯證法的主要命題?！蔽艺f，“上帝啊，我真希望我考試時能想到學(xué)習(xí)過的洛克的產(chǎn)權(quán)理論等哲學(xué)家?！蔽业艿軈s說，“我會是班里考得最好的。”“你會是班里考得最好的？你啥都不知道?！?/p>

這種故事的問題出在數(shù)據(jù)所表明的事實：女性被系統(tǒng)化地低估了她們自身的能力。如果你測試男性和女性，你問他們問題，按完全客觀的標(biāo)準平均成績來算，男性會錯誤的高估一些，女性則會錯誤地低估一些。女性在職場不會為自身利益去談判。在過去兩年，關(guān)于人們從學(xué)校進入職場的一個調(diào)查表明57%的男生或男性進入職場，我猜會協(xié)商他們的第一份薪水，只有7%的女性會去協(xié)商。更重要的是，男性把他們的成功歸功于他們自身，而女性則歸功于其他外部因素。如果你問男性為什么他們能把工作做好，他們會說，“我棒極了。這是顯而易見的。這還用問嗎？”如果你問女性是什么使她們在工作中出色，她們會說有人幫助她們，她們很幸運，她們工作異常努力。這個問題很重要嗎？大家，這關(guān)系很大因為沒人得到角落辦公室的職位要是只坐在旁邊，而不是桌邊。沒人得到提升如果他們認為他們不應(yīng)享有這成功，或者他們甚至不明白他們自己的成功。

我但愿這答案是容易的。我希望我盡可能告訴我所共事過的所有年輕女性，所有這些非常棒的女性，“相信你們自己，為自身利益要討價還價。把握住你的成功?！蔽蚁Ｍ乙材芨嬖V我的女兒。但這不是很簡單。因為首先是數(shù)據(jù)表明一件事，它表明成功和人緣親切性對于男性來說是積極影響的而對于女性來說是負面影響的。每個人都點頭，因為我們大家都知道這是真的。

一個非常棒的研究也很好地表明了這一觀點。哈佛商學(xué)院的一個著名研究是有關(guān)于一位叫海蒂·羅森的女性。她是硅谷一家公司的負責(zé)人，她使用她的關(guān)系成為一名非常成功的風(fēng)險資本家。在2002年，不久前當(dāng)時在哥倫比亞大學(xué)的一位教授做這個例子和把它改成霍華德·羅森。他把這個案例，他們兩人向兩組學(xué)生展示。他只改變了一個詞：海蒂到霍華德。但這個詞就造成了非常大的差異。然后他調(diào)查學(xué)生。好消息是學(xué)生們，男生和女生認為海蒂和霍華德都是能力相當(dāng)?shù)?，這很好。但壞消息是每個人都喜歡霍華德。他是個了不起的人，大家都想和他共事，大家都想和他去釣魚。但海蒂呢？不好說。她有點只為自己著想，對政治有點熱衷。大家不太想和她共事。這是復(fù)雜的。我們得告訴我們的女兒和我們的同事，我們得告訴我們自己相信我們能獲得A，得到提升，坐在桌邊。我們在這世上得做到這點，在世上，女性要爭取這些就得做出犧牲，盡管她們的兄弟不用為此而付出犧牲。

所有關(guān)于這的最可悲的事是很難記住這個。我將講個對我來說是個真正尷尬的故事，但我認為它很重要。在臉譜不久前我給大約100名員工做這個演講。幾小時后，在臉譜工作的一個年輕女性坐到我小桌子旁邊，她想和我談?wù)劇Ｎ艺f，好，她坐了下來，我們談了起來。她說，“我今天學(xué)了一些東西。我知道我需要舉起我的手?！蔽艺f，“你指什么?。俊彼f，“你在講這個話時，你說你將會回答2個以上問題。我和其他一些人舉起手，你回答了2個以上問題。我把手放下來，我注意到所有女性都把手放下來，然后你又回答了很多問題，僅有男性參與?！蔽易约合肓艘幌拢绻麚Q成是我，誰會在乎這個，明顯地做這次演講，在這演講中，我甚至沒注意到男人們的手是不是還一直舉著，女人們的手是不是還一直舉著，我們到底有多出色，當(dāng)我們作為公司和組織的經(jīng)理人的時候，以及當(dāng)我們作為少數(shù)，與男性競爭爭取機會的時候？我們得讓女性坐到桌子邊上。

第二條：讓你的伴侶成為一個真正的合作伙伴。我已經(jīng)確信我們在職場比起我們在家庭中起了更大的作用。數(shù)據(jù)也很清楚地表明這點。如果一個女性和一個男性同時全職并有一個小孩，女性比起男性要做兩倍多家務(wù)活兒，女性比起男性做了三倍多照顧嬰兒的事。所以她有了2份，3份工作，而他只有一份。當(dāng)有人必須在家多干活時，誰應(yīng)該留下來？這個的理由實在太復(fù)雜，我沒有時間來講它們。但我也不認為周日看美式足球和日常的懶惰是理由。

我認為理由是更加復(fù)雜化的。我認為，作為一個社會，我們總是更希望男孩子們成功，對女孩子則壓力小些。我知道有居家男人呆在家里做內(nèi)務(wù)支持職場妻子這很難。當(dāng)我去“媽咪和我”的培訓(xùn)課時，我看到那里的父親，我留意到其他媽咪不愿和他相處。這是個問題，因為我們得把內(nèi)務(wù)變成一個重要的工作因為它是世界上最難的工作-居家工作無論男人女人，我們只有平分了這些事，女性才可能留在職場。（掌聲）研究表明夫妻收入相等、且夫妻分擔(dān)責(zé)任相當(dāng)?shù)募彝ヒ灿?0%的離婚率。如果這數(shù)據(jù)并不那么鼓舞人，還有更多的在這個講臺我該怎么講呢？夫妻雙方對于彼此的了解，不僅是做愛這么簡單。

（歡呼）

建議三：在你離開前別放棄。我認為這是一個非常深刻的諷刺對于女性所采取行動而言--我一直目睹類似情況的發(fā)生--女性希望留在職場這個目標(biāo)，往往導(dǎo)致它們最終不得不離開職場。曾發(fā)生這樣的事：我們都忙；每個人都很忙；作為一個女人也很忙。她開始考慮生小孩。從她開始考慮生小孩的時候起，她開始考慮為孩子準備房間。“我該如何調(diào)整孩子這件事和手頭上的其他事呢？”言下之意，她不再舉起她的手，她不尋求提升，她不找新的計劃，她不會說，“我，我想做那個?！彼_始退縮。這是個問題讓我們說說她懷孕的那段日子9個月的懷胎，3個月的產(chǎn)假，6個月來調(diào)養(yǎng)休息快速調(diào)整要2年，更多的，正如我看到的女性開始過早考慮這事當(dāng)她們有約會或者結(jié)婚時，當(dāng)她們開始考慮要小孩，這會花相當(dāng)長的一段時間。一位女性關(guān)于此事來找我，我看著她，她顯得有點年輕。我說，“那么你和你丈夫考慮要小孩了？”她說，“哦不，我還沒結(jié)婚?！彼踔翛]有男友。我說，“你考慮這個太早了吧。”

但關(guān)鍵是一旦你開始退縮下來，接下來會發(fā)生什么呢？每個人都會經(jīng)歷這個在這兒我告訴你，一旦在家你有了孩子，你真的最好是回到你的工作中去，因為把小孩留在家太難了，你的工作得有挑戰(zhàn)性。它也得有回報。你得感覺到世界因你而變。如果2年前你沒有得到提升在你旁邊的一個男孩得到提升，如果三年前你放棄尋找新的機會，你會變得很乏味因為你應(yīng)該緊踩油門，加油。在你離開前別放棄。保住工作。緊踩油門，除非到了那一天你需要離開為了孩子休假然后做出你自己的決定。不要提前做太長遠決定，特別是你甚至不曉得自己該做怎樣的決定。

我這一代的女性非?？上?，沒能改變高管職位的數(shù)據(jù)變化。女人們就是呆在原地。我們沒能達到50%的高管職位，在任何行業(yè)的高管職位中，女性都未達到50%。但我希望未來一代人可以做到。我認為我們世界上半數(shù)國家和半數(shù)公司會由女性所領(lǐng)導(dǎo)，那將會是一個更美好的世界。這不僅僅是因為人們會知道女性洗手間在哪兒，盡管這也有非常大的幫助。我認為它

將會是一個更美好的世界。我有2個孩子。我5歲的兒子和3歲的女兒。我想我兒子會選擇在職場或在家里都盡心盡責(zé)，全心奉獻。我女兒的選擇不僅僅是成功，她會更熱愛她所做出的成就。

第五篇：雪莉·桑德伯格 哈佛大學(xué)2014畢業(yè)典禮演講

雪莉·桑德伯格 哈佛大學(xué)2014畢業(yè)典禮演講

Congratulations everyone, you made it.And I don’t mean to the end of college, I mean to class day, because if memory serves, some of your classmates had too many scorpion bowls at the Kong last night and are with us today.Given the weather, the one thing Harvard hasn’t figured out how to control, some of your other classmates are at someplace warm with a hot cocoa, so you have many reasons to feel proud of yourself as you sit here today.Congratulations to your parents.You have spent a lot of money, so your child can say she went to a “small school” near Boston.And thank you to the class of 2014 for inviting me to the part of your celebration.It means a great to me.And looking at the list of past speakers was a little daunting.I can’t be as funny as Amy Poehler, but I’m gonna be funnier than Mother Teresa.25 years ago, a man named Dave I did not know at the time but who would one day become my husband was sitting where you are sitting today.23 years ago, I was sitting where you are sitting today.Dave and I are back this weekend with our amazing son and daughter to celebrate his reunion, and we both share the same sentiment, Harvard has a good basketball team.Standing here in the yard brings memories flooding back for me.I arrived here from Miami in the fall of 1987, with big hopes and even bigger hear.I was assigned to live in one of Harvard’s historic monuments to great architecture, canady.My go-to outfit, and I’m not making this up, was a jean skirt, white leg warmers and sneakers and a Florida sweater, because my parents who were here with me then as they’re here with me now, told me everyone would think it was awesome that I was from Florida.At least we didn’t have Instagram.For me, Harvard was a series of firsts.My first winner coat, we needn’t need those in Miami.My first 10page paper, they didn’t assign those in my high school.My first C, after which my proctor told me that she was on the admissions committee, and I got admitted to Harvard for my personality not my academic potential.The first person I ever met from boarding school.I thought that was our really troubled kids.The first person I ever met who shares the name with a whole building, or so I met when the first classmate I met was Sarah Widdlesworth, who bore no relation at all to the dorm, which would have been nice to know with that very intimidating moment.But then I went on to meet others, Francis Strauss, James wells, Jessica science center B.My first love, my first heartbreak, the first time I realized that I love to learn, and the first and very last time I saw anyone read anything in Latin.When I sat in your seat all those years ago, I knew exactly where I was headed, I had it all planned out, I was going to the world bank to work on global poverty.The I would go to law school.And I would spend my life working in a nonprofit or in a government.At Harvard’s commencement tomorrow as your dean described, each school is gonna stand up and graduate together, the college, the law school, the med school and so on.At my graduation, my class cheered for the PHD students and then booed the business school.Business school seemed like such a sellout.18 months later, I applied to business school.It wasn’t wrong about what I would do decades after graduating.I had it wrong a year and a half later.And even if I could have predicted I would one day work in the private sector, I never could have predicted Facebook, because there was no internet, and Mark Zuckerberg was at elementary school, already wearing his hoody.Not locking into a path too early, give me an opportunity to go into a new and life changing field.And for those of you who think I owe everything to good luck, after Canaday I got Quaded.There is no straight path from your seat today to where you are going.Don’t try to draw that line.You will not just get it wrong.You will miss big opportunities and I mean big ,like the internet.Careers are not ladders.Those days are long gone, but jungle gyms.Don’t just move up and down.Don’t just look up.Look backwards, sideways, around corners.Your career and your life will have starts and stops and zigs and zags.Don’t stress out about the white space, the path you can try, because there in lives both the surprises and the opportunities.As you open yourself up to possibility, the most important thing I can tell you today is to open yourself up to honesty, to telling the truth to each other, to be honesty to yourselves, and to be honest about the world we live in.If you watched children, you will immediately notice how honest they are.My friend besty was pregnant and her son for the second child, son Sam was 5, he wanted to know where the baby was in her body.So yes mommy, are the babies arms in your arms? And she said, no no sam, baby’s in my tummy, whole baby.Mom ,are the baby’s legs in your legs? No, sam, whole baby’s in my tummy.Then mommy, what’s growing in your butt? As adults, we are almost never dishonest and that can be a very good thing, When I was pregnant with our first child, I asked my husband Dave if my butt was getting big.At first, he didn’t answer but I pressed.So he said, yea, a little.For years my sister-in-low said him what people will now say about you for the rest of your life when you do something done, and that guy went to Harvard.Hearing the truth at different times along the way would have helped me.I would not have admitted it easily when I sat where you sit.But when I graduated, I was much more worried about my love life than my career.I thought I only had a few years very limited time to find one of the good guys, before he was to , or before they were all taken, or I get too old.So I moved to DC, and met the guy, and I got married at the nearly decrepit age of 24.I married a wonder a wonderful man, but I had no business making that kind of commitmer.I didn’t know who I was or who I wanted to be.My marriage fell apart within a year, something that was really embarrassing and painful at the time, and it did not help that so many friends came up to me and said:”I never knew that, never thought that was going to work or I knew you weren’t right for each other.No one had managed to say anything like that to me before I marched down an aisle when it would have been far more useful.And as I lived through these painful months of separation and divorce, boy, did I wish the had? And boy, did I wish I had asked them? At the same time in my professional life, someone did speak up.My first boss out of college was Lant Prichett, an economist who teaches at the kennedy School who is here with us today, after I deferred to law school for the second time.Lant sat down and said I don’t think you should go to law school at all, I don’t think you want to go to law school.I think you should because you told your parents you would many years ago.He noted that he had never once heard me talk about the law with any interest.I know how hard it can be to be honest with each other, even your closest friends, even when they’re about to make serious mistakes, but I bet sitting here today, you know your closest friends’ strength, weeknesses, what cliff they might drive off, and I bet for the most part you’ve never told them, and they never asked.Ask them.Ask them for the truth because it will help you.And when the answer honestly, you know that that’s what makes them real friends.Asking for feedback is a really important habit to get into, as you leave the structure of the school calendar and exams and grades behind.On many jobs if you want to know how you’re doing, if you’re going to have to ask and then you’re gonna have to listen without getting defensive.Take it from me, listening to criticism is never fun, but it’s the only way we can improve.A few years ago, Mark Zuckerberg decided he wanted to learn Chinese, and in order to practice he started trying to have work meetings with some of Facebook colleagues who are native speakers.Now you would think his very limited language skills would keep these conversations from being useful.One day he asked a woman who was there, how it was going, how did you choose the facebook.She answered with a long and pretty complicated sentence.So he said simpler please.She spoke again.Simpler please.This went back and forth a couple of times.So she is blurted out in frustration, my manager is bad.That he understood.So often the truth is sacrificed to conflict avoidance, or by the time we speak the truth ,we’ve used so many caveats and preambles that the message totally gets lost.So I ask you to ask each other for the truth and other people: can you list it in simple and clear language? And when you speak your truth, can you use simple and clear language? As hard as it is to be honest with orther people.It can be even more difficult to be honest with ourselves.For years after I had children, I would say pretty often I don’t feel guilty working even when no one asked.Someone might say, sherly, how’s your day today? And I would say, great I don’t feel guilty working.Or do I need a sweater? Yes ,it’s unpredictably freezing and I don’t feel guilty woring.I was kinda like a parrot with issues.Then one day on the treadmill, I was reading this article on Sociology Journal.about how people don’t start out lying to other people, they start out lying to themselves, and the things we repeat most frequently are often those lies.So the sweat was pouring down my face.I started wondering what do I repeat pretty frequently, and I realized I feel guilty working.I then did a lot of research, and I spent an entire year with my dear friend Neil Scovell writing a book talking about how I was thinking and feeling., and I’m so grateful that so many women around the world connected to it.My book of course was called Fify Shades of Grey.I can see a lot of you connected to it as well.We have even more work to do in being honest about the world we live in.We don’t always see the hard truths, and once we see them, we don’t always have the courage to speak out.When my classmates and I were in college, we thought that fight for gender equally was one that was over.Sure, most of the leaders in every industry were men, but we thought changing that was just a matter of time.Lamont library right over there, one generation before us didn’t let women through its doors.But by the time we sat in your seat, everything was equal, Harvard and Radcliffe was fully integrated.We didn’t need feminism because we were already equals.We were wrong.I was wrong.The word was not equal then and it is not equal now.I think nowadays, we don’t just hide ourselves from the hard truth and shut our eyes to the inequities, but we suffer from the tyranny of low expectations.In the last election cycle in the united states, women won 20% of the senate seats, and all the headlines started screaming out: women take over the Senate.I felt like screaming back, wait a minute everyone.50% of the population getting 20% of the seats.That’s not a takeover.That’s an embarrassment.Just a few months ago this year, a very well respected and well-know business executives in Silicon Valley invited me to give a speech to his club on social media.I’ve been to this club a few months before when I have been invited for a friend’s birthday.It was a beautiful building and I was wandering around looking at it, looking for the women's room, when a staff member informed me very firmly that the ladies' room was over there and I should be sure not to go up stairs because women are never allowed in this building.I didn't realize I was in an all-male club until that minute.I spent the rest of the night wondering what I was doing there wondering what everyone else was doing there, wondering if any of my friends in San Francisco would invite me, a party at a club that didn't allow Blacks or Jews or Asians or gays.Being invited to give a business speech at this club, hit me even more egregious because you couldn't claim that it was only social business that was done there.My first thought was, “Really?” Really.A year after Lean In this dude thought it was a good idea to invite me to give a speech to his literal all-boys club.And he wasn't alone, there is an entire committee of well respected businessman who joined him in issuing this kind invitation.To paraphrase Groucho Marx, and don't worry, I won't try to do the voice I don't want to speak in any club that won't have me as a member.So I said no,and I did it in a way I probably wouldn't have even 5 years before.I wrote a long and passionate email, arguing that they should change their policies.They thanked me for my prompt response and wrote that perhaps things will eventually change.Our expectations are too low.Eventually needs to become immediately.We need to see the truth and speak the truth.We tolerate discrimination and we pretend that opportunity is equal.Yes we elected an African-American president, but racism is pervasive still.Yes, there are women who run Fortune 500 companies, 5 percent to be precise, but our road there is still paved with words like pussy and bossy, while our male peers are leaders and results focused.African-American women have to prove that they're not angry.Latinos risk being branded fiery hot head.A group of Asian-American women and men in Facebook wore pins one day that said I may or may not be good enough.Yes, Harvard has a woman president, and in two years, the United States may have a woman president.But in order to get there, Hillary Clinton is gonna have to overcome 2 very real obstacles, unknown and often ununderstood gender bias, and even worse, a degree from Yale.You can challenge stereotypes that's subtle and obvious.At Facebook, we have posters around the wall to inspire us, Done is better than perfect, Fortune favors the bold.What would you do if you weren't afraid? My new favorite nothing at Facebook is someone else's problem.I hope you feel that way about the problems you see in the world., because they are not someone else's problem.Gender inequality harms men along with women.Racism hurts Whites along with Minorities.And the lack of equal opportunity keeps all of us from failing our true potential.So as you graduate today, I want to put some pressure on you, I want to put some pressure on you to acknowledge the hard truths, not shy away from them, and when you see them to address them.The first time I spoke out about what it was like to be a woman in the workforce was less than five years ago.That means that for 18 years from where you sit to where I stand, my silence implied that everything was okay.You can do better than I did.And I mean that so sincerely.At the same time, I want to take some pressure off you, Sitting here today you don't have to know what career you want or how to get the career you might want.Leaning in does not mean your path will be straight or smooth and most people who make great contribution start way later than Mark Zuckerberg.Find a jungle gym you want to play and start climbing, not only will you figure out what you want to do eventually, but once you do, you'll crush it.Looking at you all here today, I'm filled with hope.All of you who were admitted to a “small school” near Boston, either for your academic potential or your personality or both, you've had your first, whether it's a winter coat, a love or a C, you've learned more about who you are and who you want to be.And most importantly, you've experienced the power of community, you know that while you are extraordinary on your own, we are all stronger and can be louder together.I know that you will never forget Harvard, and Harvard will never forget you, especially during the next fundraising drive.Tomorrow, you all become part of a lifelong community, which offers truly great opportunity, and therefore comes with real obligation.You can make the world fair for everyone, expect honesty from yourself and each other, demand and create truly equal opportunity, not eventually, but now.And tomorrow by the way, you get something Mark Zuckerberg does not have, a Harvard degree.Congratulations, everyone!

祝賀所有人，你們做到了。

我指的不是大學(xué)畢業(yè)，而是成功出席今天的畢業(yè)典禮。如果我們記錯，某些同學(xué)雖然昨晚在香港餐廳喝了太多蝎子碗調(diào)酒，但今天還是來了。

由于天氣，這種哈佛還沒有弄清楚如何控制的現(xiàn)象，還有同學(xué)正在溫暖的地方喝熱可可飲料，所以，你們有很多為今天出席畢業(yè)日活動感到自豪的理由。

祝賀你們的家長，你們花了很多錢，讓子女能夠說自己是從波士頓附近的這所“小學(xué)?！爱厴I(yè)的。還要感謝2014屆畢業(yè)生邀請我來到這次盛典。這對我價值巨大。看到過往演講者的名單讓人有些敬畏。我肯定沒有艾米·波樂那么搞笑，但我至少比特雷薩修女更幽默。

25年前，一個我當(dāng)時還不認識，但以后會成為我丈夫的男人戴夫，坐在你們現(xiàn)在坐的地方。23年前，我坐在你們現(xiàn)在坐的地方。戴夫和我這周末，帶著可愛的子女回校。我們都懷有相同的感觸：哈佛的籃球隊太棒了！

站在校園中，回憶泉涌。19876年秋天，我從邁阿密來到這里，懷揣著偉大的夢想，還有更夸張的發(fā)型。我被分配到哈佛偉大建筑的一座歷史豐碑，卡納迪樓，我是說真的，我當(dāng)時穿著牛仔裙，白色暖腿襪套，運動鞋，還有一件弗羅里達羊毛衫。因為當(dāng)時我的父母告訴我，所有人都會人為來自弗羅里達的人很酷。至少，我們那時沒有Instagram。

對我而言，哈佛給了我很多第一次，包括我的第一件冬裝，在邁阿密沒人需要冬裝。我的第一份10頁論文，高中沒人會布置這么長的作業(yè)，我第一次得C，這之后，我的學(xué)監(jiān)告訴我說，她在招生委員會，她招我進來不是因為我的學(xué)術(shù)潛能，而是因為我的品性。我在寄宿學(xué)?？吹降牡谝粋€人，我就覺得這個人會是個大麻煩。我還碰到了第一個名字同整座建筑一樣的人，這個人的名字叫做薩拉·威格爾斯沃斯，她和那棟宿舍樓沒有關(guān)系，當(dāng)時我很震驚，知道她和宿舍樓沒有關(guān)系后，我松了一口氣。之后，我還碰到了其他人，弗朗西斯·斯特勞斯，詹姆斯·威爾斯，杰西卡科學(xué)中心B。我第一位愛人，第一位讓我心碎的人，我第一次認識到自己熱愛學(xué)習(xí)，第一次也是最后一次遇到有人在讀拉丁文。

我畢業(yè)那年，我想好了自己以后有什么計劃，我要進世界銀行，對抗全球貧窮，然后我要去法學(xué)院，然后我將在非營利機構(gòu)或政府工作，你們院長也講了，在明天的哈佛畢業(yè)典禮上，每個學(xué)院都要起立并一同畢業(yè)，本科部嗎、法學(xué)院、醫(yī)學(xué)院等等。我畢業(yè)時，我們班為博士生歡呼，然后噓了商學(xué)院，商學(xué)院似乎很不受歡迎。18個月后，我就申請了商學(xué)院。

我對自己畢業(yè)后的數(shù)十年規(guī)劃其實并沒錯，計劃只錯在了一年后，就算我算到了自己會在私營企業(yè)工作，我肯定算不到自己會在臉譜，那時候沒有互聯(lián)網(wǎng)。那時候馬克·扎克伯格還在讀小學(xué)，已經(jīng)開始穿他的標(biāo)志性帽衫了。沒有太早鎖死自己的道路，讓我有機會進入改變生活的全新領(lǐng)域。有些人可能認為我運氣好，我想說，卡納迪樓后，我又被安排到了方院。

從你們所坐的地方倒你們要去的地方是沒有直路的，不要嘗試畫這樣的直線，這不僅會出錯，還會錯失大機遇，我說的是大機遇，例如像互聯(lián)網(wǎng)這樣。

職業(yè)不是梯子，那種時代一去不返了，職業(yè)更像是立體方格鐵架，不要只上下移動，不要只往上看，還要往回看，往旁邊看，看轉(zhuǎn)角周圍。你的職業(yè)和生活會有始終，會有曲折，不要對未來的道路太過憂慮，因為生活中充滿了驚喜和機遇，你需要對各種可能性持開放態(tài)度。今天我要講的最重要的一點就是，對誠實保持開放的態(tài)度。相互之間說老實話，對自己誠實，也對我們所生活的世界誠實。

看看身邊的孩子，你就知道他們有多誠實，我朋友貝琪懷孕后，她五歲的兒子山姆想知道寶寶在她身體里的什么地方。他問，媽媽，寶寶的胳膊在你的胳膊里嗎？她說，不是，整個寶寶在我的肚子里。他又問，媽媽，寶寶的腿在你的腿里嗎？她回答，不山姆，整個寶寶在我的肚子里。然后，山姆問道，那你的屁股里有什么？ 作為成年人，我們幾乎一直很誠實，這是很難得的好事。我懷孕的時候，我問我丈夫我的屁股有沒有變大，起初他說沒有，但我不斷施壓，最后，他說，好吧，有一點。

我的小姑子一直說我丈夫，也是你們以后在生活中經(jīng)常會聽到有人說到的：“這家伙竟然是哈佛出來的。”

在人生旅途中，如果聽到一些真話會對我很有幫助，我在你們這個年齡的時候，還沒有領(lǐng)會到這一點。在我畢業(yè)的時候，我對愛情生活的關(guān)心大于事業(yè)，我認為自己沒有什么時間了，必須趕緊找個好男人結(jié)婚，以免所有好男人都別人被搶走，或者我太老了。于是，我搬到哥倫畢業(yè)特區(qū)，在我24歲的時候結(jié)婚了。那個男人很不錯，但我倆似乎總是相處不好，我變得不知道自己是誰，也不知道未來在哪里。一年不到，我的婚姻以失敗告終，當(dāng)時我非常難堪，非常痛苦。很多朋友來安慰我，但毫無幫助，他們說，我就知道你們倆結(jié)婚行不通，我就知道你們倆不合適。沒有人在我婚姻之前跟我說這些，事前告訴我這些肯定會更有用。

我熬過了離婚后的這些痛苦時光，我多希望他們原來有給過我建議，我多希望我曾經(jīng)問過他們。而在我的職業(yè)生涯中，確實有人毫無保留地說出了實話。本科后，我的第一任老板是蘭特·普利切特，肯尼迪學(xué)院授課的一位經(jīng)濟學(xué)家，他今天也在現(xiàn)場。我第二次考慮法學(xué)院時，蘭特跟我說，我不認為你應(yīng)該去法學(xué)院，我也不認為你想去法學(xué)院。你認為自己應(yīng)該去，大概只是你父母一直以來的要求。他注意到，我在談話中從未表現(xiàn)出對法律的任何興趣。

我知道 相互之間坦誠相見有多么難，哪怕最親密的朋友，哪怕是在他們可能犯嚴重錯誤的時候，不過我敢打賭，在座的各位知道自己親密朋友的強項和弱項，知道他們可能掉落在哪個懸崖。我也敢打賭，大部分時候，你們并沒有告訴他們，他們也從沒問過。去問這些問題，真相會越問越明。朋友城市回答時，你就知道他們是你真正的朋友了。

養(yǎng)成尋求反饋的習(xí)慣非常重要，特別是在離開學(xué)校系統(tǒng)，沒了考試和分數(shù)之后。很多工作中，如果你想知道自己干得怎么樣，你就需要去詢問，而且不要因為聽到不喜歡聽的而覺得受到冒犯。毫無疑問，聽人批評絕對不會讓人高興，但我們只能在批評中進步。

幾年前，馬克·扎克伯格決定要學(xué)中文。為了練習(xí)，他開始嘗試在一些工作會議中，同中文母語同事交流。你們估計可以想到，他那有限的中文水平，會讓談話很難正常進行。一天，他問一位女性，在臉譜工作怎么樣。她用了一個很長很復(fù)雜的句子回答。他說，請簡單些。她又說了一次。再簡單些。經(jīng)過幾次后，她只好說了一句很簡單的話“我的經(jīng)理很糟糕?！彼牰?。

通常，真相都成了避免沖突的犧牲品。我們在講真相時，總喜歡使用很多修飾，很多委婉語，淹沒了真正要傳達的信息。我希望你們在向他人詢問真相的時候，能用簡單明了的語言相互交流。講到自己的真相時，也應(yīng)使用簡單明了的語言。

同他人坦誠相見很困難，坦誠對待自己的想法甚至更難。我有了小孩后，經(jīng)常會和自己說，我對工作并不感到內(nèi)疚，哪怕沒有人問我的時候。有人跟我說，雪莉，今天過得如何。我會說，很棒，我對工作并不感到內(nèi)疚。有人說，我需要一件羊毛衫嗎？我說，沒錯，外面很冷，我對工作并不感到內(nèi)疚。我就像一只學(xué)舌的鸚鵡。

有天，我在跑步機上，正在讀社會學(xué)雜志上的論文。上面寫道，相比對他人撒謊，人們更喜歡對自己撒謊，而重復(fù)最多的那些話，通常就是謊言。

我臉上汗如雨下，心想，我重復(fù)最多的一句話是什么，我意識到了，我對工作感到內(nèi)疚，我做了大量的研究，我同好友內(nèi)爾·斯克維爾花了一整年的時間，寫了一本書，講我的想法和感受。世界上很多女性都同它產(chǎn)生了共鳴，這讓我很欣慰。我的書名叫做《格雷的五十道陰影》，可見，你們很多人也都讀過這本書。

對于我們所生活的世界保持誠實，我們還有很多要做。我們并不總能看到真相，就算看到了，我們經(jīng)常也沒有大聲說出的勇氣。

我和同學(xué)們在讀大學(xué)時，認為性格平等的斗爭已經(jīng)結(jié)束。沒錯，大部分行業(yè)的領(lǐng)袖都是男性，但改變應(yīng)該只是時間的問題。那邊的拉蒙特圖書館，就在我們之前一代人的時間里，不允許女性進入，但在我們畢業(yè)那時，一切都平等了。哈佛和拉德克里夫完全統(tǒng)一了。

我們不需要女權(quán)主義，因為我們已經(jīng)得到了平等。我們錯了，我錯了，世界在那時并不平等，現(xiàn)在也不平等。我認為現(xiàn)如今，我們并不只是假裝沒看到真相，并對不平等視而不見，我們還在遭受低預(yù)期的踐踏。

今年，就在幾個月前，硅谷一位很受人尊重的知名商業(yè)經(jīng)理人，邀請我到他的社交媒體俱樂部發(fā)表演講。幾個月之前，我去過這家俱樂部。一位朋友過生日邀我去的。建筑很漂亮，我在里面游蕩。欣賞她，找衛(wèi)生間。結(jié)果一位員工很肯定的告訴我，女衛(wèi)生間在那里，我務(wù)必不要上樓去，因為女性不允許進入這座建筑，我直到這時才意識到自己來到了一家全男性俱樂部。

剩下的整個晚上，我一直都在納悶，自己來這里做什么，納悶其他人都在做什么，納悶舊金山會不會有朋友邀請我去一個不允許黑人，猶太人，亞洲人，或同性戀者的俱樂部派對。被邀請到這家俱樂部做商業(yè)演講，就更讓人不爽了，因為這根本就不是單純的社交活動場所。

我首先想到的是真的嗎？真的?！断蚯耙徊健烦霭婧笠荒?，這個家伙竟然認為邀請我到一家全男性俱樂部做演講是一個好主意。他不是一個人，很多備受尊敬的商務(wù)人士，都和他一起發(fā)出了這份邀請。

我們需要看到真相，講出真相。我們?nèi)萑唐缫?，假裝機會是平等的。沒錯，我們選舉了一位非裔美國人總統(tǒng)。但種族主義仍然無處不在，不錯，確實有女性掌握著財富500強企業(yè)，準確說是5%。但我們的道路上，充滿了母老虎，跋扈老女人這樣的惡語。而我們的男性同行卻被尊為領(lǐng)袖，被認為成就卓著。

非裔美國女性總需要證明自己沒有生氣，拉丁裔總被打上暴躁急性子的標(biāo)簽。臉譜有一群亞裔男女，胸口帶著牌子說，我有可能不夠好。

沒錯，哈佛有一位女性校長，也許兩年后，美國也會迎來首位女總統(tǒng)。但要實現(xiàn)目標(biāo)，希拉里·克林頓需要克服兩大重要障礙，一是未知，通常也未被理解的性別偏見。二是，更糟的，從耶魯獲得的文憑。

你們可以挑戰(zhàn)老一套的做法，在臉譜我們會貼海報激勵自己，完成重于完美，財富偏愛勇敢者，不要害怕，勇往直前。我最近又喜歡上一條，在臉譜沒有別人的問題。我希望你們也能這樣看問題，問題沒有別人的問題。性別不平等對男性和女性都沒有好處，種族主義對白人和少數(shù)族裔都是傷害，缺乏平等機會，讓我們所有人無法發(fā)揮自己的真正潛能。

在你們畢業(yè)的今天，我希望給你們一些壓力，讓你認識到，真相雖然有時難以接受，但很重要。不要逃避，碰到就要勇于面對。我第一次站出來，公開宣揚職場女權(quán)主義，僅僅是不到5年前。也就是說，畢業(yè)后，我有18年時間都保持著沉默。這種沉默似乎是在說，一切像這樣就行了。你們肯定能比我做的更好。我由衷地這樣認為。

同時，我也希望給你們減輕一些壓力。今天坐在這里的你們，不需要知道自己該如何走上正確的人生道路。“向前一步”并不意味著你的前路將一帆風(fēng)順。很多人對世界的重大貢獻都遠遠晚于馬克·扎克伯格。找到你想爬的立體方格鐵架，并開始攀爬。你最終會找到你想做的事情，并最終獲得成功。

看到今天的你們，讓我充滿了希望。你們所有人都被錄取到波士頓附近的這所“小學(xué)校”，也許由于學(xué)術(shù)潛質(zhì)，也許由于個人品性。你們經(jīng)歷第一次穿冬裝，第一次戀愛，或第一次C。你們更加了解自己是誰，以及自己想成為什么。還有最重要的，你們體會到了團結(jié)的力量。你們知道，雖然你們每個人都很出色，但團結(jié)起來，你們將會更強，并能發(fā)出更大的聲音。

我知道，你們永遠不會忘記哈佛，哈佛也不會忘記你們，特別是在下次募捐的時候。明天，你們都將步入社會，這是一生的旅途，途中會碰到很好的機遇，也會有很重大的責(zé)任，你們能夠讓世界對于每個人更加公平。對自己和他人，你們需要坦誠相待，要求并創(chuàng)造真正平等的機會。不是最終，而是現(xiàn)在。順便說下，明天你們將獲得馬克·扎克伯格所沒有的東西，一份哈佛學(xué)位。祝賀每一位畢業(yè)生！