第一篇：The power of vulnerability 脆弱的力量

So, I'll start with this: a couple years ago, an event planner called me because I was going to do a speaking event.And she called, and she said, “I'm really struggling with how to write about you on the little flyer.” And I thought, “Well, what's the struggle?” And she said, “Well, I saw you speak, and I'm going to call you a researcher, I think, but I'm afraid if I call you a researcher, no one will come, because they'll think you're boring and irrelevant.”(Laughter)And I was like, “Okay.” And she said, “But the thing I liked about your talk is you're a storyteller.So I think what I'll do is just call you a storyteller.” And of course, the academic, insecure part of me was like, “You're going to call me a what?” And she said, “I'm going to call you a storyteller.” And I was like, “Why not magic pixie?”(Laughter)I was like, “Let me think about this for a second.” I tried to call deep on my courage.And I thought, you know, I am a storyteller.I'm a qualitative researcher.I collect stories;that's what I do.And maybe stories are just data with a soul.And maybe I'm just a storyteller.And so I said, “You know what? Why don't you just say I'm a researcher-storyteller.” And she went, “Ha ha.There's no such thing.”(Laughter)So I'm a researcher-storyteller, and I'm going to talk to you today--we're talking about expanding perception--and so I want to talk to you and tell some stories about a piece of my research that fundamentally expanded my perception and really actually changed the way that I live and love and work and parent.那我就這么開始吧：幾年前，一個活動策劃人打電話給我，因?yàn)槲耶?dāng)時要做一個演講。她在電話里說：“我真很苦惱該如何在宣傳單上介紹你?！蔽倚南?，怎么會苦惱呢？她繼續(xù)道：“你看，我聽過你的演講，我覺得我可以稱你為研究者，可我擔(dān)心的是，如果我這么稱呼你，沒人會來聽，因?yàn)榇蠹移毡檎J(rèn)為研究員很無趣而且脫離現(xiàn)實(shí)?！保ㄐβ暎┖谩Ｈ缓笏f：“但是我喜歡你的演講，就跟講故事一樣很吸引人。我想來想去，還是覺得稱你為講故事的人比較妥當(dāng)?！倍莻€做學(xué)術(shù)的，感到不安的我脫口而出道：“你要叫我什么？”她說：“我要稱你為講故事的人。“我心想：”為什么不干脆叫魔法小精靈？“（笑聲）我說：”讓我考慮一下?！拔以囍钠鹩職狻Ｎ覍ψ约赫f，我是一個講故事的人。我是一個從事定性研究的科研人員。我收集故事；這就是我的工作?；蛟S故事就是有靈魂的數(shù)據(jù)?；蛟S我就是一個講故事的人。于是我說：”聽著，要不你就稱我為做研究兼講故事的人?！八f：”哈哈，沒這么個說法呀。“（笑聲）所以我是個做研究兼講故事的人，我今天想跟大家談?wù)摰?-我們要談?wù)摰脑掝}是關(guān)于拓展認(rèn)知--我想給你們講幾個故事是關(guān)于我的一份研究的，這份研究從本質(zhì)上拓寬了我個人的認(rèn)知，也確確實(shí)實(shí)改變了我生活、愛、工作還有教育孩子的方式。

And this is where my story starts.When I was a young researcher, doctoral student, my first year I had a research professor who said to us, ”Here's the thing, if you cannot measure it, it does not exist.“ And I thought he was just sweet-talking me.I was like, ”Really?“ and he was like, ”Absolutely.“ And so you have to understand that I have a bachelor's in social work, a master's in social work, and I was getting my Ph.D.in social work, so my entire academic career was surrounded by people who kind of believed in the ”life's messy, love it.“ And I'm more of the, ”life's messy, clean it up, organize it and put it into a bento box.“(Laughter)And so to think that I had found my way, to found a career that takes me--really, one of the big sayings in social work is, ”Lean into the discomfort of the work.“ And I'm like, knock discomfort upside the head and move it over and get all A's.That was my mantra.So I was very excited about this.And so I thought, you know what, this is the career for me, because I am interested in some messy topics.But I want to be able to make them not messy.I want to understand them.I want to hack into these things I know are important and lay the code out for everyone to see.我的故事從這里開始。當(dāng)我還是個年輕的博士研究生的時候，第一年，有位研究教授對我們說：”事實(shí)是這樣的，如果有一個東西你無法測量，那么它就不存在?！拔倚南胨皇窃诤搴逦覀冞@些小孩子吧。我說：“真的么？”他說：“當(dāng)然。”你得知道我有一個社會工作的學(xué)士文憑，一個社會工作的碩士文憑，我在讀的是一個社會工作的博士文憑，所以我整個學(xué)術(shù)生涯都被人所包圍，他們大抵相信生活是一團(tuán)亂麻，接受它。而我的觀點(diǎn)則傾向于，生活是一團(tuán)亂麻，解開它，把它整理好，再歸類放入便當(dāng)盒里。（笑聲）我覺得我領(lǐng)悟到了關(guān)鍵，有能力去創(chuàng)一番事業(yè)，讓自己--真的，社會工作的一個重要理念是置身于工作的不適中。我就是要把這不適翻個底朝天每科都拿到A。這就是我當(dāng)時的信條。我當(dāng)時真的是躍躍欲試。我想這就是我要的職業(yè)生涯，因?yàn)槲覍y成一團(tuán)，難以處理的課題感興趣。我想要把它們弄清楚。我想要理解它們。我想侵入那些我知道是重要的東西把它們摸透，然后用淺顯易懂的方式呈獻(xiàn)給每一個人。

So where I started was with connection.Because, by the time you're a social worker for 10 years, what you realize is that connection is why we're here.It's what gives purpose and meaning to our lives.This is what it's all about.It doesn't matter whether you talk to people who work in social justice, mental health and abuse and neglect, what we know is that connection, the ability to feel connected, is--neurobiologically that's how we're wired--it's why we're here.So I thought, you know what, I'm going to start with connection.Well, you know that situation where you get an evaluation from your boss, and she tells you 37 things you do really awesome, and one ”opportunity for growth?“(Laughter)And all you can think about is that opportunity for growth, right? Well, apparently this is the way my work went as well, because, when you ask people about love, they tell you about heartbreak.When you ask people about belonging, they'll tell you their most excruciating experiences of being excluded.And when you ask people about connection, the stories they told me were about disconnection.所以我的起點(diǎn)是“關(guān)系”。因?yàn)楫?dāng)你從事了10年的社會工作，你必然會發(fā)現(xiàn)關(guān)系是我們活著的原因。它賦予了我們生命的意義。就是這么簡單。無論你跟誰交流工作在社會執(zhí)法領(lǐng)域的也好，負(fù)責(zé)精神健康、虐待和疏于看管領(lǐng)域的也好我們所知道的是，關(guān)系是種感應(yīng)的能力--生物神經(jīng)上，我們是這么被設(shè)定的--這就是為什么我們在這兒。所以我就從關(guān)系開始。下面這個場景我們再熟悉不過了，你的上司給你作工作評估，她告訴了你37點(diǎn)你做得相當(dāng)棒的地方，還有一點(diǎn)--成長的空間？（笑聲）然后你滿腦子都想著那一點(diǎn)成長的空間，不是么。這也是我研究的一個方面，因?yàn)楫?dāng)你跟人們談?wù)搻矍椋麄兏嬖V你的是一件讓他們心碎的事。當(dāng)你跟人們談?wù)摎w屬感，他們告訴你的是最讓他們痛心的被排斥的經(jīng)歷。當(dāng)你跟人們談?wù)撽P(guān)系，他們跟我講的是如何被斷絕關(guān)系的故事。

So very quickly--really about six weeks into this research--I ran into this unnamed thing that absolutely unraveled connection in a way that I didn't understand or had never seen.And so I pulled back out of the research and thought, I need to figure out what this is.And it turned out to be shame.And shame is really easily understood as the fear of disconnection: Is there something about me that, if other people know it or see it, that I won't be worthy of connection? The things I can tell you about it: it's universal;we all have it.The only people who don't experience shame have no capacity for human empathy or connection.No one wants to talk about it, and the less you talk about it the more you have it.What underpinned this shame, this ”I'm not good enough,“--which we all know that feeling: ”I'm not blank enough.I'm not thin enough, rich enough, beautiful enough, smart enough, promoted enough.“ The thing that underpinned this was excruciating vulnerability, this idea of, in order for connection to happen, we have to allow ourselves to be seen, really seen.所以很快的--在大約開始研究這個課題6周以后--我遇到了這個前所未聞的東西它揭示了關(guān)系以一種我不理解也從沒見過的方式。所以我暫停了原先的研究計(jì)劃，對自己說，我得弄清楚這到底是什么。它最終被鑒定為恥辱感。恥辱感很容易理解，即害怕被斷絕關(guān)系。有沒有一些關(guān)于我的事如果別人知道了或看到了，會認(rèn)為我不值得交往。我要告訴你們的是：這種現(xiàn)象很普遍；我們都會有（這種想法）。沒有體驗(yàn)過恥辱的人不具有人類的同情或關(guān)系。沒人想談?wù)撟约旱聂苁?，你談?wù)摰脑缴伲阍礁械娇蓯u。滋生恥辱感的是一種“我不夠好.”的心態(tài)--我們都知道這是個什么滋味：”我不夠什么。我不夠苗條，不夠有錢，不夠漂亮，不夠聰明，職位不夠高?！岸芜@種心態(tài)的是一種刻骨銘心的脆弱，關(guān)鍵在于要想產(chǎn)生關(guān)系，我們必須讓自己被看見，真真切切地被看見。

And you know how I feel about vulnerability.I hate vulnerability.And so I thought, this is my chance to beat it back with my measuring stick.I'm going in, I'm going to figure this stuff out, I'm going to spend a year, I'm going to totally deconstruct shame, I'm going to understand how vulnerability works, and I'm going to outsmart it.So I was ready, and I was really excited.As you know, it's not going to turn out well.(Laughter)You know this.So, I could tell you a lot about shame, but I'd have to borrow everyone else's time.But here's what I can tell you that it boils down to--and this may be one of the most important things that I've ever learned in the decade of doing this research.My one year turned into six years: thousands of stories, hundreds of long interviews, focus groups.At one point, people were sending me journal pages and sending me their stories--thousands of pieces of data in six years.And I kind of got a handle on it.你知道我怎么看待脆弱。我恨它。所以我思考著，這次是輪到我用我的標(biāo)尺擊潰它的時候了。我要闖進(jìn)去，把它弄清楚，我要花一年的時間，徹底瓦解恥辱，我要搞清楚脆弱是怎么運(yùn)作的，然后我要智取勝過它。所以我準(zhǔn)備好了，非常興奮。跟你預(yù)計(jì)的一樣，事與愿違。（笑聲）你知道這個（結(jié)果）。我能告訴你關(guān)于恥辱的很多東西，但那樣我就得占用別人的時間了。但我在這兒可以告訴你，歸根到底--這也許是我學(xué)到的最重要的東西在從事研究的數(shù)十年中。我預(yù)計(jì)的一年變成了六年，成千上萬的故事，成百上千個采訪，焦點(diǎn)集中。有時人們發(fā)給我期刊報(bào)道，發(fā)給我他們的故事--不計(jì)其數(shù)的數(shù)據(jù)，就在這六年中。我大概掌握了它。

I kind of understood, this is what shame is, this is how it works.I wrote a book, I published a theory, but something was not okay--and what it was is that, if I roughly took the people I interviewed and divided them into people who really have a sense of worthiness--that's what this comes down to, a sense of worthiness--they have a strong sense of love and belonging--and folks who struggle for it, and folks who are always wondering if they're good enough.There was only one variable that separated the people who have a strong sense of love and belonging and the people who really struggle for it.And that was, the people who have a strong sense of love and belonging believe they're worthy of love and belonging.That's it.They believe they're worthy.And to me, the hard part of the one thing that keeps us out of connection is our fear that we're not worthy of connection, was something that, personally and professionally, I felt like I needed to understand better.So what I did is I took all of the interviews where I saw worthiness, where I saw people living that way, and just looked at those.我大概理解了這就是恥辱，這就是它的運(yùn)作方式。我寫了本書，我出版了一個理論，但總覺得哪里不對勁--它其實(shí)是，如果我粗略地把我采訪過的人分成具有自我價(jià)值感的人--說到底就是自我價(jià)值感--他們勇于去愛并且擁有強(qiáng)烈的歸屬感--另一部分則是為之苦苦掙扎的人，總是懷疑自己是否足夠好的人。區(qū)分那些敢于去愛并擁有強(qiáng)烈歸屬感的人和那些為之而苦苦掙扎的人的變量只有一個。那就是，那些敢于去愛并擁有強(qiáng)烈歸屬感的人相信他們值得被愛，值得享有歸屬感。就這么簡單。他們相信自己的價(jià)值。而對于我，那個阻礙人與人之間關(guān)系的最困難的部分是我們對于自己不值得享有這種關(guān)系的恐懼，無論從個人，還是職業(yè)上我都覺得我有必要去更深入地了解它。所以接下來我找出所有的采訪記錄找出那些體現(xiàn)自我價(jià)值的，那些持有這種觀念的記錄，集中研究它們。

What do these people have in common? I have a slight office supply addiction, but that's another talk.So I had a manila folder, and I had a Sharpie, and I was like, what am I going to call this research? And the first words that came to my mind were whole-hearted.These are whole-hearted people, living from this deep sense of worthiness.So I wrote at the top of the manila folder, and I started looking at the data.In fact, I did it first in a four-day very intensive data analysis, where I went back, pulled the interviews, the stories, pulled the incidents.What's the theme? What's the pattern? My husband left town with the kids because I always go into this Jackson Pollock crazy thing, where I'm just writing and in my researcher mode.And so here's what I found.What they had in common was a sense of courage.And I want to separate courage and bravery for you for a minute.Courage, the original definition of courage, when it first came into the English language--it's from the Latin word cor, meaning heart--and the original definition was to tell the story of who you are with your whole heart.And so these folks had, very simply, the courage to be imperfect.They had the compassion to be kind to themselves first and then to others, because, as it turns out, we can't practice compassion with other people if we can't treat ourselves kindly.And the last was they had connection, and--this was the hard part--as a result of authenticity, they were willing to let go of who they thought they should be in order to be who they were, which you have to absolutely do that for connection.這群人有什么共同之處？我對辦公用品有點(diǎn)癡迷，但這是另一個話題了。我有一個牛皮紙文件夾，還有一個三福極好筆，我心想，我該怎么給這項(xiàng)研究命名呢？第一個蹦入我腦子的是全心全意這個詞。這是一群全心全意，靠著一種強(qiáng)烈的自我價(jià)值感在生活的人們。所以我在牛皮紙夾的上端這樣寫道，而后我開始查看數(shù)據(jù)。事實(shí)上，我開始是用四天時間集中分析數(shù)據(jù)，我從頭找出那些采訪，找出其中的故事和事件。主題是什么？有什么規(guī)律？我丈夫帶著孩子離開了小鎮(zhèn)，因?yàn)槲依鲜窍萑胂窠芸诉d.波洛克（美國近代抽象派畫家）似的瘋狂狀態(tài)，我一直在寫，完全沉浸在研究的狀態(tài)中。下面是我的發(fā)現(xiàn)。這些人的共同之處在于勇氣。我想在這里先花一分鐘跟大家區(qū)分一下勇氣和膽量。勇氣，最初的定義，當(dāng)它剛出現(xiàn)在英文里的時候--是從拉丁文cor，意為心，演變過來的--最初的定義是真心地?cái)⑹鲆粋€故事，告訴大家你是誰的。所以這些人就具有勇氣承認(rèn)自己不完美。他們具有同情心，先是對自己的，再是對他人的，因?yàn)?，事?shí)是，我們?nèi)绻荒苌拼约海覀円矡o法善待他人。最后一點(diǎn)，他們都能和他人建立關(guān)系，--這是很難做到的--前提是他們必須坦誠，他們愿意放開自己設(shè)定的那個理想的自我以換取真正的自我，這是贏得關(guān)系的必要條件。The other thing that they had in common was this: They fully embraced vulnerability.They believed that what made them vulnerable made them beautiful.They didn't talk about vulnerability being comfortable, nor did they really talk about it being excruciating--as I had heard it earlier in the shame interviewing.They just talked about it being necessary.They talked about the willingness to say, “I love you” first, the willingness to do something where there are no guarantees, the willingness to breathe through waiting for the doctor to call after your mammogram.They're willing to invest in a relationship that may or may not work out.They thought this was fundamental.他們還有另外一個共同之處那就是，他們?nèi)唤邮艽嗳酢Ｋ麄兿嘈抛屗麄冏兊么嗳醯臇|西也讓他們變得美麗。他們不認(rèn)為脆弱是尋求舒適，也不認(rèn)為脆弱是鉆心的疼痛--正如我之前在關(guān)于恥辱的采訪中聽到的。他們只是簡單地認(rèn)為脆弱是必須的。他們會談到愿意說出“我愛你”，愿意做些沒有的事情，愿意等待醫(yī)生的電話，在做完乳房X光檢查之后。他們愿意為情感投資，無論有沒有結(jié)果。他們覺得這些都是最根本的。

I personally thought it was betrayal.I could not believe I had pledged allegiance to research, where our job--you know, the definition of research is to control and predict, to study phenomena, for the explicit reason to control and predict.And now my mission to control and predict had turned up the answer that the way to live is with vulnerability and to stop controlling and predicting.This led to a little breakdown--(Laughter)--which actually looked more like this.(Laughter)And it did.我當(dāng)時認(rèn)為那是背叛。我無法相信我盡然對科研宣誓效忠--研究的定義是控制（變量）然后預(yù)測，去研究現(xiàn)象，為了一個明確的目標(biāo)，去控制并預(yù)測。而我現(xiàn)在的使命即控制并預(yù)測卻給出了這樣一個結(jié)果：要想與脆弱共存就得停止控制，停止預(yù)測于是我崩潰了--（笑聲）--其實(shí)更像是這樣。（笑聲）它確實(shí)是。我稱它為崩潰，我的心理醫(yī)生稱它為靈魂的覺醒。靈魂的覺醒當(dāng)然比精神崩潰要好聽很多，但我跟你說那的確是精神崩潰。然后我不得不暫且把數(shù)據(jù)放一邊，去求助心理醫(yī)生。讓我告訴你：你知道你是誰當(dāng)你打電話跟你朋友說：“我覺得我需要跟人談?wù)?。你有什么好的建議嗎？“因?yàn)槲掖蠹s有五個朋友這么回答：”喔。我可不想當(dāng)你的心理醫(yī)生?！埃ㄐβ暎┪艺f：”這是什么意思？“他們說：”我只是想說，別帶上你的標(biāo)尺來見我?！拔艺f：”行。“

I call it a breakdown;my therapist calls it a spiritual awakening.(Laughter)A spiritual awakening sounds better than breakdown, but I assure you it was a breakdown.And I had to put my data away and go find a therapist.Let me tell you something: you know who you are when you call your friends and say, “I think I need to see somebody.Do you have any recommendations?” Because about five of my friends were like, “Wooo, I wouldn't want to be your therapist.”(Laughter)I was like, “What does that mean?” And they're like, “I'm just saying, you know.Don't bring your measuring stick.”(Laughter)I was like, “Okay.” So I found a therapist.My first meeting with her, Diana--I brought in my list of the way the whole-hearted live, and I sat down.And she said, “How are you?” And I said, “I'm great.I'm okay.” She said, “What's going on?” And this is a therapist who sees therapists, because we have to go to those, because their B.S.meters are good.(Laughter)And so I said, “Here's the thing, I'm struggling.” And she said, “What's the struggle?” And I said, “Well, I have a vulnerability issue.And I know that vulnerability is the core of shame and fear and our struggle for worthiness, but it appears that it's also the birthplace of joy, of creativity, of belonging, of love.And I think I have a problem, and I need some help.” And I said, “But here's the thing: no family stuff, no childhood shit.”(Laughter)“I just need some strategies.”(Laughter)(Applause)Thank you.So she goes like this.(Laughter)And then I said, “It's bad, right?” And she said, “It's neither good nor bad.”(Laughter)“It just is what it is.” And I said, “Oh my God, this is going to suck.”

就這樣我找到了一個心理醫(yī)生。我跟她，戴安娜，的第一次見面--我?guī)チ艘环荼韱紊厦娑际悄切┤硇耐度肷畹娜说纳罘绞?，然后我坐下了。她說：”你好嗎？“我說：”我很好。還不賴?！八f：”發(fā)生了什么事？“這是一個治療心理醫(yī)生的心理醫(yī)生，我們不得不去看這些心理醫(yī)生，因?yàn)樗麄兊膹U話測量儀很準(zhǔn)（知道你什么時候在說真心話）。（笑聲）所以我說：“事情是這樣的。我很糾結(jié)。”她說：“你糾結(jié)什么？”我說：”嗯，我跟脆弱過不去。而且我知道脆弱是恥辱和恐懼的根源是我們?yōu)樽晕覂r(jià)值而掙扎的根源，但它同時又是歡樂，創(chuàng)造性，歸屬感，愛的源泉。所以我覺得我有問題，我需要幫助?！拔已a(bǔ)充道：”但是，這跟家庭無關(guān)，跟童年無關(guān)?！埃ㄐβ暎拔抑恍枰恍┎呗?。”（笑聲）（掌聲）謝謝。戴安娜的反應(yīng)是這樣的。（笑聲）我接著說：“這很糟糕，對么？”她說：“這不算好，也不算壞?！保ㄐβ暎八旧砭褪沁@樣?！蔽艺f：“哦，我的天，要悲劇了?！?/p>

(Laughter)（笑聲）

And it did, and it didn't.And it took about a year.And you know how there are people that, when they realize that vulnerability and tenderness are important, that they surrender and walk into it.A: that's not me, and B: I don't even hang out with people like that.(Laughter)For me, it was a yearlong street fight.It was a slugfest.Vulnerability pushed, I pushed back.I lost the fight, but probably won my life back.（悲劇）果然發(fā)生了，但又沒有發(fā)生。大概有一年的時間。你知道的，有些人當(dāng)他們發(fā)現(xiàn)脆弱和溫柔很重要的時候，他們放下所有戒備，欣然接受。（我要聲明）一，這不是我，二，我朋友里面也沒有這樣的人。（笑聲）對我來說，那是長達(dá)一年的斗爭。是場激烈的混戰(zhàn)。脆弱打我一拳，我又還擊它一拳。最后我輸了，但我或許贏回了我的生活。

And so then I went back into the research and spent the next couple of years really trying to understand what they, the whole-hearted, what choices they were making, and what are we doing with vulnerability.Why do we struggle with it so much? Am I alone in struggling with vulnerability? No.So this is what I learned.We numb vulnerability--when we're waiting for the call.It was funny, I sent something out on Twitter and on Facebook that says, “How would you define vulnerability? What makes you feel vulnerable?” And within an hour and a half, I had 150 responses.Because I wanted to know what's out there.Having to ask my husband for help because I'm sick, and we're newly married;initiating sex with my husband;initiating sex with my wife;being turned down;asking someone out;waiting for the doctor to call back;getting laid off;laying off people.This is the world we live in.We live in a vulnerable world.And one of the ways we deal with it is we numb vulnerability.然后我再度投入到了我的研究中，又花了幾年時間真正試圖去理解那些全身心投入生活的人，他們做了怎樣的決定，他們是如何應(yīng)對脆弱的。為什么我們?yōu)橹纯鄴暝课沂仟?dú)自在跟脆弱斗爭嗎？不是。這是我學(xué)到的：我們麻痹脆弱--（例如）當(dāng)我們等待（醫(yī)生）電話的時候。好笑的是，我在Twitter微博和Facebook上發(fā)布了一條狀態(tài)，“你怎樣定義脆弱？什么會讓你感到脆弱？“在1個半小時內(nèi)，我收到了150條回復(fù)。因?yàn)槲蚁胫来蠹叶际窃趺聪氲摹＃ɑ貜?fù)中有）不得不請求丈夫幫忙，因?yàn)槲也×?，而且我們剛結(jié)婚；跟丈夫提出要做愛；跟妻子提出要做愛；被拒絕；約某人出來；等待醫(yī)生的答復(fù)；被裁員；裁掉別人--這就是我們生活的世界。我們活在一個脆弱的世界里。我們應(yīng)對的方法之一是麻痹脆弱。

And I think there's evidence--and it's not the only reason this evidence exists, but I think it's a huge cause--We are the most in-debt, obese, addicted and medicated adult cohort in U.S.history.The problem is--and I learned this from the research--that you cannot selectively numb emotion.You can't say, here's the bad stuff.Here's vulnerability, here's grief, here's shame, here's fear, here's disappointment.I don't want to feel these.I'm going to have a couple of beers and a banana nut muffin.(Laughter)I don't want to feel these.And I know that's knowing laughter.I hack into your lives for a living.God.(Laughter)You can't numb those hard feelings without numbing the other affects, our emotions.You cannot selectively numb.So when we numb those, we numb joy, we numb gratitude, we numb happiness.And then we are miserable, and we are looking for purpose and meaning, and then we feel vulnerable, so then we have a couple of beers and a banana nut muffin.And it becomes this dangerous cycle.我覺得這不是沒有依據(jù)--這也不是依據(jù)存在的唯一理由，我認(rèn)為我們當(dāng)代問題的一大部分都可以歸咎于它--在美國歷史上，我們是欠債最多，肥胖，毒癮、用藥最為嚴(yán)重的一代。問題是--我從研究中認(rèn)識到--你無法選擇性地麻痹感情。你不能說，這些是不好的。這是脆弱，這是悲哀，這是恥辱，這是恐懼，這是失望，我不想要這些情感。我要去喝幾瓶啤酒，吃個香蕉堅(jiān)果松餅。（笑聲）我不想要這些情感。我知道臺下傳來的是會意的笑聲。別忘了，我是靠“入侵”你們的生活過日子的。天哪。（笑聲）你無法只麻痹那些痛苦的情感而不麻痹所有的感官，所有的情感。你無法有選擇性地去麻痹。當(dāng)我們麻痹那些（消極的情感），我們也麻痹了歡樂，麻痹了感恩，麻痹了幸福。然后我們會變得痛不欲生，我們繼而尋找生命的意義，然后我們感到脆弱，然后我們喝幾瓶啤酒，吃個香蕉堅(jiān)果松餅。危險(xiǎn)的循環(huán)就這樣這形成了。

One of the things that I think we need to think about is why and how we numb.And it doesn't just have to be addiction.The other thing we do is we make everything that's uncertain certain.Religion has gone from a belief in faith and mystery to certainty.I'm right, you're wrong.Shut up.That's it.Just certain.The more afraid we are, the more vulnerable we are, the more afraid we are.This is what politics looks like today.There's no discourse anymore.There's no conversation.There's just blame.You know how blame is described in the research? A way to discharge pain and discomfort.We perfect.If there's anyone who wants their life to look like this, it would be me, but it doesn't work.Because what we do is we take fat from our butts and put it in our cheeks.(Laughter)Which just, I hope in 100 years, people will look back and go, “Wow.”

我們需要思考的一件事是我們是為什么，怎么樣麻痹自己的。這不一定是指吸毒。我們麻痹自己的另一個方式是把不確定的事變得確定。宗教已經(jīng)從一種信仰、一種對不可知的相信變成了確定。我是對的，你是錯的。閉嘴。就是這樣。只要是確定的就是好的。我們越是害怕，我們就越脆弱，然后我們變得愈加害怕。這件就是當(dāng)今政治的現(xiàn)狀。探討已經(jīng)不復(fù)存在。對話已經(jīng)蕩然無存。有的僅僅是指責(zé)。你知道研究領(lǐng)域是如何描述指責(zé)的嗎？一種發(fā)泄痛苦與不快的方式。我們追求完美。如果有人想這樣塑造他的生活，那個人就是我，但這行不通。因?yàn)槲覀冏龅闹皇前哑ü缮系馁樔馀驳轿覀兊哪樕?。（笑聲）這真是，我希望一百年以后，當(dāng)人們回過頭來會不禁感嘆：”哇！“

(Laughter)（笑聲）And we perfect, most dangerously, our children.Let me tell you what we think about children.They're hardwired for struggle when they get here.And when you hold those perfect little babies in your hand, our job is not to say, “Look at her, she's perfect.My job is just to keep her perfect--make sure she makes the tennis team by fifth grade and Yale by seventh.” That's not our job.Our job is to look and say, “You know what? You're imperfect, and you're wired for struggle, but you are worthy of love and belonging.” That's our job.Show me a generation of kids raised like that, and we'll end the problems I think that we see today.We pretend that what we do doesn't have an effect on people.We do that in our personal lives.We do that corporate--whether it's a bailout, an oil spill, a recall--we pretend like what we're doing doesn't have a huge impact on other people.I would say to companies, this is not our first rodeo, people.We just need you to be authentic and real and say, “We're sorry.We'll fix it.”

我們想要，這是最危險(xiǎn)的，我們的孩子變得完美。讓我告訴你我們是如何看待孩子的。從他們出生的那刻起，他們就注定要掙扎。當(dāng)你把這些完美的寶寶抱在懷里的時候，我們的任務(wù)不是說：”看看她，她完美的無可挑剔?！岸谴_保她保持完美--保證她五年級的時候可以進(jìn)網(wǎng)球隊(duì)，七年級的時候穩(wěn)進(jìn)耶魯。那不是我們的任務(wù)。我們的任務(wù)是注視著她，對她說，“你知道嗎？你并不完美，你注定要奮斗，但你值得被愛，值得享有歸屬感?！边@才是我們的職責(zé)。給我看用這種方式培養(yǎng)出來的一代孩子，我保證我們今天有的問題會得到解決。我們假裝我們的行為不會影響他人。不僅在我們個人生活中我們這么做，在工作中也一樣--無論是緊急救助，石油泄漏，還是產(chǎn)品召回--我們假裝我們做的事對他人不會造成什么大影響。我想對這些公司說：嘿，這不是我們第一次牛仔競技。我們只要你坦誠地，真心地說一句：“對不起，我們會處理這個問題?！?But there's another way, and I'll leave you with this.This is what I have found: to let ourselves be seen, deeply seen, vulnerably seen;to love with our whole hearts, even though there's no guarantee--and that's really hard, and I can tell you as a parent, that's excruciatingly difficult--to practice gratitude and joy in those moments of terror, when we're wondering, ”Can I love you this much? Can I believe in this this passionately? Can I be this fierce about this?“ just to be able to stop and, instead of catastrophizing what might happen, to say, ”I'm just so grateful, because to feel this vulnerable means I'm alive.“ And the last, which I think is probably the most important, is to believe that we're enough.Because when we work from a place, I believe, that says, ”I'm enough," then we stop screaming and start listening, we're kinder and gentler to the people around us, and we're kinder and gentler to ourselves.但還有一種方法，我把它留給你們。這是我的心得：卸下我們的面具，讓我們被看見，深入地被看見，即便是脆弱的一面；全心全意地去愛，盡管沒有任何擔(dān)保--這是最困難的，我也可以告訴你，作為一名家長，這個非常非常困難--帶著一顆感恩的心，保持快樂哪怕是在最恐懼的時候哪怕我們懷疑：”我能不能愛得這么深？我能不能如此熱情地相信這份感情？我能不能如此矢志不渝？“在消極的時候能打住，而不是一味地幻想事情會如何變得更糟，對自己說：”我已經(jīng)很感恩了，因?yàn)槟芨惺艿竭@種脆弱，這意味著我還活著?！白詈?，還有最重要的一點(diǎn)，那就是相信我們已經(jīng)做得夠好了。因?yàn)槲蚁嘈女?dāng)我們在一個讓人覺得“我已經(jīng)足夠了”的環(huán)境中打拼的時候我們會停止抱怨，開始傾聽，我們會對周圍的人會更友善，更溫和，對自己也會更友善，更溫和。

That's all I have.Thank you.這就是我演講的全部內(nèi)容。謝謝大家。

第二篇：脆弱的力量演講稿（本站推薦）

脆弱的力量演講稿

今天我要講一份研究，這份研究從本質(zhì)上拓寬了我個人的認(rèn)知，也確確實(shí)實(shí)改變了我的生活、愛、工作還有教育孩子的方式。

我是個社會學(xué)的學(xué)士、碩士和博士，我被人所包圍，大家都認(rèn)同:“生活是一團(tuán)亂麻，接受它。”而我的觀點(diǎn)傾向于:“生活是一團(tuán)亂麻，解開它，把它整理好，再歸類放入便當(dāng)盒里。”我對亂成一團(tuán)、難以處理的問題感興趣，我想要把它們弄清楚，我想要理解它們，我想侵入那些我認(rèn)為重要的東西，把它們摸透，然后用淺顯易懂的方式呈獻(xiàn)給每一個人。所以我的起點(diǎn)是“關(guān)系”。

當(dāng)你從事了10年的社會工作，你必然會發(fā)現(xiàn)，關(guān)系是我們活著的原因。它賦予了我們生命的意義。無論你跟誰交流，我們發(fā)現(xiàn)，關(guān)系是一種感應(yīng)的能力——生物神經(jīng)上，我們是這么被設(shè)定的。所以我從關(guān)系開始。

下面這個場景我們再熟悉不過了，你的上司給你做工作評估，她告訴了你37點(diǎn)你做得相當(dāng)棒的地方，還有一點(diǎn)——成長的空間？然后你滿腦子都想著那一點(diǎn)成長的空間，不是嗎？當(dāng)你跟人們談?wù)搻矍?，他們告訴你的是一件讓他們心碎的事；當(dāng)你跟人們談?wù)摎w屬感，他們告訴你的是最讓他們痛心的被排斥的經(jīng)歷；當(dāng)你和他們談?wù)撽P(guān)系，他們跟你講的是如何被斷絕關(guān)系的故事。終于，在開始研究六周以后，我遇到了這個聞所未聞的東西，它揭示了關(guān)系——以一種我不理解也從沒見過的方

式。所以我停止了研究，對自己說，我得弄清楚這到底是什么。它最終被鑒定為恥辱感。

恥辱感很容易理解，即害怕被斷絕關(guān)系。有沒有一些關(guān)于我的事，如果別人知道了或看到了，會認(rèn)為我不值得交往。我想告訴你們的是：沒有體驗(yàn)過恥辱的人，不具有人類的同情或關(guān)系。沒人想談?wù)撟约旱聂苁拢阏務(wù)摰迷缴?，表明你越感到可恥。滋生恥辱感的，是一種“我不夠好”的心態(tài)。我們都知道這是個什么滋味：我不夠苗條、不夠有錢、不夠漂亮、不夠聰明、職位不夠高。而支撐這種心態(tài)的，是一種刻骨銘心的脆 弱。關(guān)鍵在于，要想產(chǎn)生關(guān)系，我們必須讓自己被看見，真真切切地被看見。你知道我怎么看待脆弱，我恨它。所以這次我思考著，這次該是我用我的標(biāo)尺擊潰它的時候了。我要闖進(jìn)去，我要花一年的時間，徹底瓦解恥辱。我要搞清楚脆弱是怎么運(yùn)作的，然后我要智取勝過它。所以我準(zhǔn)備好了，我要勝過它——但事與愿違。在這里我要告訴你，這也許是我十年的研究中學(xué)到的最重要的東西。我粗略地把我采訪過的人分成——具有自我價(jià)值感的人，說到底就是，他們勇于去愛并且擁有強(qiáng)烈的歸屬感；另一部分則是為之苦苦掙扎的人，總是懷疑自己是否足夠好的人。區(qū)分二者之間的變量只有一個，就是前者相信他們值得被愛，值得享有歸屬感，他們相信自己的價(jià)值，就是這么簡單。

而對于我，那個阻礙人與人之間關(guān)系的最困難的部分，是我們對于自己不值得享有這種關(guān)系的恐懼，無論是從個人還是職業(yè)上，我都覺得我有必要去深入地了解它。于是我找出所有前一種人的采訪記錄，想知道

這群人有什么共同之處。第一個蹦出我腦子的，是全心全意這個詞。這是一群全心全意、靠著一種強(qiáng)烈的自我價(jià)值感在生活的人們。這群人的共同之處是，首先他們有勇氣。我想在這里先花一分鐘跟大家區(qū)分一下勇氣和膽量。勇氣，最初的定義是真心地?cái)⑹鲆粋€故事，告訴大家你是誰。所以這些人，就具有勇氣，承認(rèn)自己不完美。第二，他們具有同情心，先是對自己的，再是對他人的。因?yàn)槭聦?shí)是，我們?nèi)绻荒苌拼约海覀円矡o法善待他人。然后，他們都能和他人建立關(guān)系。這是很難做到的，前提是他們必須坦誠，他們愿意放開自己設(shè)定的那個理想的自我，以換取真正的自我。這是贏得關(guān)系的必要條件。他們還有另外一個共同之處，就是他們?nèi)唤邮艽嗳酢Ｋ麄兿嘈?，讓他們變得脆弱的東西，也讓他們變得美麗。他們不認(rèn)為脆弱是尋求舒適，也不認(rèn)為脆弱是鉆心的疼痛——他們只是簡單地認(rèn)為脆弱是必須的。他們會談到愿意說出“我愛你”；愿意做一些沒有擔(dān)保抵押的事情；愿意在做完乳房X光檢查后安心等待醫(yī)生的電話；他們愿意為情感投資，無論有沒有結(jié)果——他們覺得這些都是最根本的。有些人，他們發(fā)現(xiàn)脆弱和溫柔很重要的時候，他們放下所有戒備，欣然接受。有一年的時間，脆弱打我一拳我還它一拳，最后我輸了，但我或許贏回了我的生活。我又回到我的研究中，真正試圖去理解那些全身心投入生活的人，他們做了怎樣的決定，他們是怎樣應(yīng)對脆弱的。為什么我們?yōu)橹纯鄴暝?？我是?dú)自在與脆弱做斗爭嗎？不是。

我們生活在一個脆弱的世界里，我們應(yīng)對的方式之一，就是麻痹脆弱。但是你無法選擇性地麻痹感情。你不能說，這是不好的——這是脆弱、悲哀、恥辱、恐懼、失望，我不想要這些情感，我要去喝幾瓶啤酒，吃個香蕉堅(jiān)果松餅。你無法只麻痹那些不好的情感，而不麻痹所有的感官、所有的情感。當(dāng)我們麻痹那些消極的情感，我們也麻痹了歡樂、感恩、幸福。然后我們會變得痛不欲生，我們繼而尋找生命的意義，然后我們感到脆弱，然后我們喝幾瓶啤酒，吃個香蕉堅(jiān)果松餅。危險(xiǎn)的循環(huán)就這樣形成了。

我們麻痹自己的另一個方式是，把不確定的事變得確定。只要確定的就是好的。我們越是害怕，就越脆弱，然后我們變得更加害怕。這就是當(dāng)今政治的現(xiàn)狀。探討和對話蕩然無存，有的只是指責(zé)，指責(zé)是一種發(fā)泄痛苦與不快的方式。我們追求完美，但這行不通。我們想要我們的孩子變得完美——這是最危險(xiǎn)的。讓我告訴你我們是如何看待孩子的。從他們出生的那刻起，他們就注定要掙扎，我們的任務(wù)是告訴他：“你知道嗎？你并不完美，你注定要奮斗，但你值得被愛，值得享有歸屬感?！苯o我看用這種方式培養(yǎng)出來的一代孩子，我保證我們今天所有的問題會得到解決。

我們假裝我們的行為不會影響他人，我們在工作和生活中都這樣做，無論是原油泄漏還是產(chǎn)品召回，我們假裝我們的行為對他人不會造成什么大影響。我想對這些公司說，這不是第一次牛仔競技，我們只要你坦誠地、真心地說一句：對不起，我們會處理這個問題。

還有一個方法我要告訴你們，這是我的心得：卸下我們的面具，讓我們被看見。深入地被看見，即便是脆弱的一面；全心全意地去愛，盡

管沒有任何擔(dān)保。哪怕是在最恐懼的時候，哪怕我們懷疑：“我能不能愛得這么深？我能不能如此熱情地相信這份感情？我能不能如此矢志不渝？”；帶著感恩的心，保持快樂。消極的時候打住，而不是一味地幻想事情會如何變得更糟，對自己說：“我已經(jīng)很感恩了，因?yàn)槟芨惺艿竭@種脆弱，這意味著我還活著?！弊詈?，還有最重要的一點(diǎn)，那就是相信我們已經(jīng)做得夠好了。因?yàn)槲蚁嘈女?dāng)我們在一個讓人覺得“我已經(jīng)夠好了”的環(huán)境中打拼的時候，我們會停止抱怨、開始傾聽，我們會對周圍的人更友善、更溫和，對自己也會更友善、更溫和。

第三篇：ted演講稿脆弱的力量

ted演講稿脆弱的力量

歡迎來到聘才網(wǎng)，以下是聘才小編為大家搜索整理的，歡迎大家閱讀。ted演講稿脆弱的力量

那我就這么開始吧：幾年前，一個為我講演活動的策劃人打電話給我，她在電話里說：“我真很苦惱該如何在宣傳單上介紹你”。我心想，這有什么苦惱呢?

她繼續(xù)道：“你看，我聽過你的演講，我覺得我可以稱你為研究者?？晌覔?dān)心的是，如果我這么稱呼你，沒人會來聽，因?yàn)榇蠹移毡檎J(rèn)為研究員是很無趣而且脫離現(xiàn)實(shí)?！边@說的很對。然后她說：“但是我非常喜歡你的演講，你的講演就跟講故事一樣很吸引人。我想來想去，還是覺得稱你為講故事的人比較妥當(dāng)”。而那個做學(xué)術(shù)的、感到不安的我脫口而出道：“你要叫我什么?”她說：“我要稱你為講故事的人?！蔽倚南耄骸盀槭裁床桓纱嘟心Хㄐ【`?”我說：“讓我考慮一下?！?/p>

我試著鼓起勇氣。我對自己說，我是一個講故事的人。我是一個從事定性研究的科研人員。我收集故事，這就是我的工作。或許故事就是有靈魂的數(shù)據(jù)?；蛟S我就是一個講故事的人。于是我說：“聽著，要不你就稱我為做研究兼講故事的人?！彼笮χf：”哈哈，沒這么個說法呀。“

所以我是個做研究兼講故事的人，我今天想跟大家談?wù)摰模何覀円務(wù)摰脑掝}是關(guān)于拓展認(rèn)知。我想給你們講幾個故事是關(guān)于我的一份研究工作，這份研究從本質(zhì)上拓寬了我個人的認(rèn)知，也確確實(shí)實(shí)改變了我生活、愛、工作還有教育孩子的方式。我的故事從這里開始：當(dāng)我還是個年輕的博士研究生的時候，第一年,一位研究教授對我們說：“事實(shí)是這樣的，如果有一個東西你無法測量，那么它就不存在?！蔽倚南胨皇窃诤搴逦覀冞@些小孩子吧。我說：“真的么?”他說：“這是理所當(dāng)然的?！?/p>

你知道我有一個社會工作的學(xué)士文憑，一個社會工作的碩士文憑，我當(dāng)時在讀的是一個社會工作的博士文憑，所以我整個學(xué)術(shù)生涯都被人所包圍，他們大抵相信生活是一團(tuán)亂麻，接受它。而我的觀點(diǎn)則傾向于，生活是一團(tuán)亂麻，解開它，把它整理好，再歸類放入有條理的盒子里。

我當(dāng)時認(rèn)為我領(lǐng)悟到了我的方向，找到了我的工作，有能力自己去創(chuàng)一番事業(yè)。社會工作的一個重要特征是工作的環(huán)境是一團(tuán)遭的不適環(huán)境。我當(dāng)時想我就是要把這不適環(huán)境翻個底朝天，每科都拿到A。這就是我當(dāng)時的信條。我當(dāng)時真的是躍躍欲試。我想這就是我的職業(yè)生涯，因?yàn)槲覍y成一團(tuán)，難以處理的課題很感興趣。我想要把它們弄清楚，我想要理解它們，我想進(jìn)入那些我知道是重要的東西，把它們摸個透，然后用淺顯易懂的方式呈獻(xiàn)給每一個人。

當(dāng)時我的起點(diǎn)是“人與人之間的連接關(guān)系”。這是因?yàn)楫?dāng)你從事了10年的社會工作，你必然會發(fā)現(xiàn)這種連接關(guān)系就是我們活著的原因。它賦予了我們生命的意義，就是這么簡單。無論你跟誰交流，工作在社會執(zhí)法領(lǐng)域的也好，負(fù)責(zé)精神健康、虐待和疏于看管領(lǐng)域的也好，我們所知道的是，這種連接關(guān)系是一種感應(yīng)的能力，生物神經(jīng)上的，我們就是這么被設(shè)定的，這就是為什么我們在這里。

所以我就從連接關(guān)系開始。下面這個場景我們是再熟悉不過了，你的上司給你作工作評估，她告訴了你在37件事上你做得相當(dāng)棒，但還有一點(diǎn)，有可以進(jìn)一步提高的空間?然后你滿腦子都想著那一點(diǎn)提高的空間，不是么?這也是我當(dāng)時研究的課題，因?yàn)楫?dāng)你跟人們談?wù)搻矍闀r，他們告訴你的是一件讓他們心碎的事;當(dāng)你跟人們談?wù)摎w屬感時，他們告訴你的是最讓他們痛心地被排斥的經(jīng)歷;當(dāng)你跟人們談?wù)撊伺c人的連接關(guān)系時，他們跟我講的是如何被斷絕關(guān)系的故事。

所以很快，在大約開始研究這個課題6周以后，我遇到了一個前所未聞的東西，它以一種我不理解也從沒見過的方式，揭示了人與人之間的連接關(guān)系。所以我暫停了原先的研究計(jì)劃，我對自己說，我得弄清楚這東西到底是什么。它最終被鑒定為恥辱感。

恥辱感這個詞很容易理解，即害怕被斷絕關(guān)系。如果一些關(guān)于自己的事被別人知道了或看到了，別人會認(rèn)為自己是不值得交往的人?我要告訴你們的是：這種現(xiàn)象很普遍;我們都會有這種想法。沒有體驗(yàn)過恥辱的人是不會對人產(chǎn)生對愛的向往或希望建立關(guān)系。沒人想談?wù)撟约旱聂苁?，你談?wù)摰脑缴伲阍礁械娇蓯u。滋生恥辱感的是一種“我不夠好”的心態(tài)，我們都知道這是個什么滋味：“我不夠什么：我不夠苗條，不夠有錢，不夠漂亮，不夠聰明，職位不夠高?！?而支撐這種心態(tài)的是一種刻骨銘心的脆弱，而克服這一脆弱感的關(guān)鍵在于要有人與人之間的連系，我們必須讓自己被看見，真真切切地被看見。

你知道我怎么看待脆弱?我恨它。所以我思考著，這次是輪到我用我的標(biāo)尺擊潰它的時候了。我要闖進(jìn)去，把它弄清楚，我要花一年的時間，徹底瓦解恥辱，我要搞清楚脆弱是怎么運(yùn)作的，然后我要智取勝過它。所以我準(zhǔn)備好了，非常興奮。跟你預(yù)計(jì)的一樣，結(jié)果事與愿違。你們知道這個(結(jié)果)。

我現(xiàn)在能告訴你關(guān)于恥辱的很多東西，但那樣我就得占用別人的時間了。但我在這兒可以告訴你，歸根到底，這也許是我在從事研究的數(shù)十年中學(xué)到的最重要的東西。我當(dāng)時預(yù)計(jì)的一年變成了六年，我搜集到成千上萬的故事，成千上百個采訪，焦點(diǎn)集中。有時人們發(fā)給我定期報(bào)道，發(fā)給我他們的故事，不計(jì)其數(shù)的數(shù)據(jù)，所有這些都發(fā)生在這六年的時間。通過這些數(shù)據(jù)，我大概掌握了它。

我以為我理解了恥辱，它的運(yùn)作方式。我于是寫了一本書，我出版了一個理論，但我總覺得哪里不對勁，這么來說吧，如果我粗略地把我采訪過的人分析一下，他們可以分成兩種，一種是具有自我價(jià)值感的人，說到底就是自我價(jià)值感，他們勇于去愛并且擁有強(qiáng)烈的歸屬感;另一部分則是為之苦苦掙扎的人，總是懷疑自己是否足夠好的人。

區(qū)分那些敢于去愛并擁有強(qiáng)烈歸屬感的人和那些為之而苦苦掙扎的人的變量只有一個。那就是，那些敢于去愛并擁有強(qiáng)烈歸屬感的人相信他們值得被愛，值得享有歸屬感。就這么簡單。他們相信自己的價(jià)值。而對于我來說，最困難的一點(diǎn)是有一種東西使得人們對這種關(guān)系感到恐懼，他們認(rèn)為他們不值得有這種愛和歸宿感的關(guān)系，無論從個人，還是職業(yè)上我都覺得我有必要去更深入地了解這個秘訣。所以接下來我找出所有的采訪記錄，找出那些體現(xiàn)自我價(jià)值的，那些持有這種觀念的記錄，集中研究它們。第一群人有什么共同之處?我對辦公用品有點(diǎn)癡迷，但這是另一個話題了。我拿起一個牛皮紙文件夾，還有一個三福記號筆，我心想，我該怎么給這項(xiàng)研究命名呢?第一個蹦入我腦子的是全心專注這個詞。這是一群全心專注、靠著一種強(qiáng)烈的自我價(jià)值感在生活的人們。所以我在牛皮紙夾的上端正地寫上這個詞，而后我開始查看數(shù)據(jù)。

事實(shí)上，我開始用了四天時間集中分析數(shù)據(jù)，我從頭翻出那些采訪，找出其中的故事和事件：主題是什么?有什么規(guī)律?我丈夫帶著孩子離開了小鎮(zhèn)，因?yàn)槲依鲜窍萑胂窠芸诉d.波洛克(美國近代抽象派畫家)似的瘋狂狀態(tài)，我一直在寫，完全沉浸在研究的狀態(tài)中。

下面是我的發(fā)現(xiàn)：這些人的共同之處在于有勇氣。我想在這里先花片刻跟大家區(qū)分一下勇氣和膽量。勇氣，最初的定義，當(dāng)它剛出現(xiàn)在英文里的時候，詞源來自從拉丁文的cor，意思為心，是由此演變過來的，其最初的定義是真心地?cái)⑹鲆粋€故事，告訴大家你是誰的。

所以這些人就具有勇氣承認(rèn)自己不完美。他們具有愛心，先是對自己的，再是對他人的。因?yàn)?，事?shí)就是這樣：我們?nèi)绻荒苌拼约海覀円矡o法善待他人。最后一點(diǎn)，他們都能和他人建立關(guān)系，這是很難做到的，前提是他們必須坦誠，他們愿意放棄自己設(shè)定的那個理想的自我以換取真正的自我，這是贏得關(guān)系的必要條件。他們還有另外一個共同之處：他們欣然接受脆弱。他們相信，讓他們變得脆弱的東西也會讓他們變得美麗。他們不認(rèn)為脆弱是一種容易的事，但也不認(rèn)為脆弱是一種鉆心的疼痛，這應(yīng)驗(yàn)了我之前在關(guān)于恥辱的采訪中聽到的。他們只是簡單地認(rèn)為脆弱是必須的。在采訪中他們談到，他們愿意先說出“我愛你”;愿意做那些具有風(fēng)險(xiǎn)性的事情;在做完乳房X光檢查之后，他們有勇氣等待醫(yī)生的電話結(jié)果;無論有沒有結(jié)果，他們愿意為關(guān)系情感投資。他們覺得這些都是最根本的。

我當(dāng)時認(rèn)為那是自欺欺人。我無法相信我盡然對科研的方式曾宣誓效忠，研究的定義是控制(變量)然后預(yù)測，去研究現(xiàn)象，為了一個明確的目標(biāo)，進(jìn)行控制并預(yù)測。而我當(dāng)時這一通過控制與預(yù)測方式進(jìn)行的科研任務(wù)，卻出現(xiàn)了這樣一個結(jié)果：要想與脆弱共存就得停止控制，停止預(yù)測，于是我崩潰了。

我稱它為崩潰，我的心理醫(yī)生稱它為靈魂的覺醒。靈魂的覺醒當(dāng)然比精神崩潰要好聽得多，但我跟你說那的確是一種精神崩潰。然后我不得不暫且把數(shù)據(jù)放一邊，去求助心理醫(yī)生。讓我告訴你：你很清楚知道你自己是誰，當(dāng)你打電話跟你朋友說：“我覺得我需要跟人好好談?wù)劇Ｄ阌惺裁春玫慕ㄗh嗎?”

我大約有五個朋友這么回答：“喔!我可不想當(dāng)你的心理醫(yī)生?！蔽艺f：“你是什么意思?”他們說：“我只是想說，別帶上你的標(biāo)尺鞭子來見我?！蔽艺f：“行?！本瓦@樣我找到了一個心理醫(yī)生，她叫黛安娜。我跟她的第一次見面時，我?guī)チ艘环荼韱?，這些人都是那些全身心投入生活的生活方式，見到黛安娜，我坐下了。她說：“你好嗎?”我說：“我很好。還不賴。”她說：“發(fā)生了什么事?” 這是一個治療心理醫(yī)生的心理醫(yī)生，我們不得不去看這些心理醫(yī)生，因?yàn)樗麄兊膹U話測量儀很準(zhǔn)(知道你什么時候在說真心話)。我說：“事情是這樣的。我很糾結(jié)?！彼f：“你糾結(jié)什么?”我說：“嗯，我跟脆弱過不去。事實(shí)上，我知道脆弱是恥辱和恐懼的根源，是我們?yōu)樽晕覂r(jià)值而掙扎的根源。但它同時又是歡樂、創(chuàng)造性、歸屬感、愛的源泉。所以我覺得我有困惑，我需要幫助指導(dǎo)?！蔽已a(bǔ)充道：“但是，這跟家庭無關(guān)，沒有童年那些亂七八糟的事”?！拔抑皇切枰恍┎呗浴?，我接著說。戴安娜的反應(yīng)是這樣的，(她學(xué)著醫(yī)生那樣，慢慢地點(diǎn)著頭)。我接著說：“這很糟糕，對么?”她說：“這不算好，但也不算壞”?！笆虑楸旧砭褪沁@樣”，她接著說。我說：“哦!我的天，事情全要更為混亂了!”

糾纏不清的事果然發(fā)生了，但又沒有發(fā)生。大概有一年的時間。你知道的，有些人當(dāng)他們發(fā)現(xiàn)脆弱和溫柔很是重要的時候，他們放下所有戒備，欣然接受。我要聲明，一，這不是我，二，我朋友里面也沒有這樣的人。對我來說，那是長達(dá)一年的斗爭。是場激烈的混戰(zhàn)，脆弱打我一拳，我又還擊它一拳。最后我輸了，但我或許贏回了我的生活。

然后我再度投入到了我的研究中，又花了幾年時間真正試圖去理解那些全身心投入生活的人，他們做了怎樣的決定?他們是如何應(yīng)對脆弱的?為什么我們?yōu)橹纯鄴暝?我是獨(dú)自在跟脆弱斗爭嗎?不是。這是我學(xué)到的：我們對脆弱開始麻痹了，(例如)當(dāng)我們等待(醫(yī)生)電話的時候。好笑的是，我在Twitter微博和Facebook上發(fā)布了一條信息：“你怎樣定義脆弱?什么會讓你感到脆弱?”在一個半小時內(nèi)，我收到了150條回復(fù)。因?yàn)槲蚁胫来蠹叶际窃趺聪氲摹?/p>

當(dāng)時我不得不請求丈夫幫忙，因?yàn)槲也×?，而且我們剛結(jié)婚。跟丈夫提出要做愛;跟妻子提出要做愛;被拒絕;約某人出來;等待醫(yī)生的答復(fù);被裁員;裁掉別人，這就是我們生活的世界。我們活在一個脆弱的世界里。

我們應(yīng)對的方法之一是麻痹脆弱。我覺得這不是沒有依據(jù)，這也不是依據(jù)存在的唯一理由。我認(rèn)為我們當(dāng)代問題的一大部分都可以歸咎于它。在美國歷史上，我們是欠債最多、肥胖、毒癮、用藥最為嚴(yán)重的一代。問題是，我從研究中認(rèn)識到，你無法選擇性地麻痹感情。你不能說，這些是不好的。這是脆弱，這是悲哀，這是恥辱，這是恐懼，這是失望，我不想要這些情感。我要去喝幾瓶啤酒，吃個香蕉堅(jiān)果松餅。我不想要這些情感。我知道臺下傳來的是會意的笑聲。別忘了，我是靠“入侵”你們的生活過日子的。天哪，我的上帝.你無法只麻痹那些痛苦的情感而不麻痹所有的感官，所有的情感。你無法有選擇性地去麻痹。當(dāng)我們麻痹那些(消極的情感)，我們也麻痹了歡樂，麻痹了感恩，麻痹了幸福。然后我們會變得痛不欲生，我們繼而尋找生命的意義，然后我們感到脆弱，然后我們喝幾瓶啤酒，吃個香蕉堅(jiān)果松餅。危險(xiǎn)的循環(huán)就這樣這形成了。我們需要思考的一件事是我們是為什么、怎么樣麻痹自己的?這不一定是指吸毒。我們麻痹自己的另一個方式是把不確定的事變得確定。宗教已經(jīng)從一種信仰、一種對不可知的相信變成了確定。我是對的，你是錯的。閉嘴。就是這樣。只要是確定的就是好的。我們越是害怕，我們就越脆弱，然后我們變得愈加害怕，這件就是當(dāng)今政治的現(xiàn)狀。探討已經(jīng)不復(fù)存在。對話已經(jīng)蕩然無存。有的僅僅是指責(zé)。你知道研究領(lǐng)域是如何描述指責(zé)的嗎?一種發(fā)泄痛苦與不快的方式。

我們追求完美。如果有人想這樣塑造他的生活，那個人就是我，但這行不通。因?yàn)槲覀冏龅闹皇前哑ü缮系馁樔馀驳轿覀兊哪樕稀＿@真是，我希望一百年以后，當(dāng)人們回過頭來會不禁感嘆：“哇!”這是最危險(xiǎn)的，我們想要我們的孩子變得完美。讓我告訴你我們是如何看待孩子的。從他們出生的那刻起，他們就注定要掙扎。當(dāng)你把這些完美的寶寶抱在懷里的時候，我們的任務(wù)不是說：“看看她，她完美的無可挑剔”。而是確保她保持完美：保證她五年級的時候可以進(jìn)網(wǎng)球隊(duì)，七年級的時候穩(wěn)進(jìn)耶魯。那不是我們的任務(wù)!我們的任務(wù)是注視著她，對她說，“你知道嗎?你并不完美，你注定要奮斗，但你值得被愛，值得享有歸屬感”，這才是我們的職責(zé)。讓我看來，用這種方式培養(yǎng)出來的一代孩子，我保證我們今天所有的問題會得到解決。

我們假裝我們的行為不會影響他人。不僅在我們個人生活中我們這么做，在公司中也一樣：無論是提供緊急資助避免公司倒閉，石油泄漏事故，還是有疵產(chǎn)品的召回。我們假裝我們做的事對他人不會造成什么大影響。我想對這些公司說：嘿，這不是我們第一次牛仔式的野蠻競技。我們只要你坦誠地，真心地說一句：“對不起，我們會很好處理這個問題”。

但還有一種方法，我把它留給你們。這是我的心得：卸下我們的面具，讓我們被看見，深入地被看見，即便是脆弱的一面;不管有多大的風(fēng)險(xiǎn)，全心全意地去愛，這是最困難的。

我也可以告訴你，我作為一名孩子的父母，這個非常非常困難的：帶著一顆感恩的心，保持快樂，哪怕是在最恐懼的時候，哪怕我們懷疑：“我能不能愛得這么深?我能不能如此熱情地相信這份感情?我能不能如此矢志不渝?”在消極的時候能夠扛得住，而不是一味地幻想事情會如何變得更糟。對自己說：“我已經(jīng)很感恩了，因?yàn)槟芨惺艿竭@種脆弱，這意味著我還活著?！?/p>

最后，還有最重要的一點(diǎn)，那就是相信我們已經(jīng)做得夠好了。因?yàn)槲蚁嘈女?dāng)我們在一個讓人覺得“我已經(jīng)足夠了”的環(huán)境中打拼的時候，我們會停止抱怨，開始傾聽，我們會對周圍的人會更友善，更溫和，對自己也會更友善，更溫和。

這就是我演講的全部內(nèi)容。謝謝大家。

第四篇：Ted 演講稿 脆弱的力量

Brene Brown： The power of vulnerability So, I'll start with this: a couple years ago, an event planner called me because I was going to do a speaking event.And she called, and she said, “I'm really struggling with how to write about you on the little flier.” And I thought, “Well, what's the struggle?” And she said, “Well, I saw you speak, and I'm going to call you a researcher, I think, but I'm afraid if I call you a researcher, no one will come, because they'll think you're boring and irrelevant.”(Laughter)And I was like, “Okay.” And she said, “But the thing I liked about your talk is you're a storyteller.So I think what I'll do is just call you a storyteller.” And of course, the academic, insecure part of me was like, “You're going to call me a what?” And she said, “I'm going to call you a storyteller.” And I was like, “Why not magic pixie?”(Laughter)I was like, “Let me think about this for a second.” I tried to call deep on my courage.And I thought, you know, I am a storyteller.I'm a qualitative researcher.I collect stories;that's what I do.And maybe stories are just data with a soul.And maybe I'm just a storyteller.And so I said, “You know what? Why don't you just say I'm a researcher-storyteller.” And she went, “Haha.There's no such thing.”(Laughter)So I'm a researcher-storyteller, and I'm going to talk to you today--we're talking about expanding perception--and so I want to talk to you and tell some stories about a piece of my research that fundamentally expanded my perception and really actually changed the way that I live and love and work and parent.And this is where my story starts.When I was a young researcher, doctoral student, my first year I had a research professor who said to us, “Here's the thing, if you cannot measure it, it does not exist.” And I thought he was just sweet-talking me.I was like, “Really?” and he was like, “Absolutely.” And so you have to understand that I have a bachelor's in social work, a master's in social work, and I was getting my Ph.D.in social work, so my entire academic career was surrounded by people who kind of believed in the “l(fā)ife's messy, love it.” And I'm more of the, “l(fā)ife's messy, clean it up, organize it and put it into a bento box.”(Laughter)And so to think that I had found my way, to found a career that takes me--really, one of the big sayings in social work is, “Lean into the discomfort of the work.” And I'm like, knock discomfort upside the head and move it over and get all A's.That was my mantra.So I was very excited about this.And so I thought, you know what, this is the career for me, because I am interested in some messy topics.But I want to be able to make them not messy.I want to understand them.I want to hack into these things I know are important and lay the code out for everyone to see.So where I started was with connection.Because, by the time you're a social worker for 10 years, what you realize is that connection is why we're here.It's what gives purpose and meaning to our lives.This is what it's all about.It doesn't matter whether you talk to peoplewho work in social justice and mental health and abuse and neglect, what we know is that connection, the ability to feel connected, is--neurobiologically that's how we're wired--it's why we're here.So I thought, you know what, I'm going to start with connection.Well, you know that situation where you get an evaluation from your boss, and she tells you 37 things you do really awesome, and

one

thing

--

an

“opportunity

for growth?”(Laughter)And all you can think about is that opportunity for growth, right? Well, apparently this is the way my work went as well, because, when you ask people about love, they tell you about heartbreak.When you ask people about belonging, they'll tell you their most excruciating experiences of being excluded.And when you ask people about connection, the stories they told me were about disconnection.So very quickly--really about six weeks into this research--I ran into this unnamed thing that absolutely unraveled connection in a way that I didn't understand or had never seen.And so I pulled back out of the research and thought, I need to figure out what this is.And it turned out to be shame.And shame is really easily understood as the fear of disconnection: Is there something about me that, if other people know it or see it, that I won't be worthy of connection? The things I can tell you about it: it's universal;we all have it.The only people who don't experience shame have no capacity for human empathy or connection.No one wants to talk about it, and the less you talk about it the more you have it.What underpinned this shame, this “I'm not good enough,”--which we all know that feeling: “I'm not blank enough.I'm not thin enough, rich enough, beautiful enough, smart enough, promoted enough.” The thing

that

underpinned

this was

excruciating vulnerability, this idea of, in order for connection to happen, we have to allow ourselves to be seen, really seen.And you know how I feel about vulnerability.I hate vulnerability.And so I thought, this is my chance to beat it back with my measuring stick.I'm going in, I'm going to figure this stuff out,I'm going to spend a year, I'm going to totally deconstruct shame, I'm going to understand how vulnerability works, and I'm going to outsmart it.So I was ready, and I was really excited.As you know, it's not going to turn out well.(Laughter)You know this.So, I could tell you a lot about shame, but I'd have to borrow everyone else's time.But here's what I can tell you that it boils down to--and this may be one of the most important things that I've ever learned in the decade of doing this research.My one year turned into six years: thousands of stories,hundreds of long interviews, focus groups.At one point, people were sending me journal pagesand sending me their stories--thousands of pieces of data in six years.And I kind of got a handle on it.I kind of understood, this is what shame is, this is how it works.I wrote a book, I published a theory, but something was not okay--and what it was is that, if I roughly took the people I interviewed and divided them into people who really have a sense of worthiness--that's what this comes down to, a sense of worthiness--they have a strong sense of love and belonging--and folks who struggle for it, and folks who are always wondering if they're good enough.There was only one variable that separated the people who have a strong sense of love and belonging and the people who really struggle for it.And that was, the people who have a strong sense of love and belonging believe they're worthy of love and belonging.That's it.They believe they're worthy.And to me, the hard part of the one thing that keeps us out of connection is our fear that we're not worthy of connection, was something that, personally and professionally, I felt like I needed to understand better.So what I did is I took all of the interviews where I saw worthiness, where I saw people living that way, and just looked at those.What do these people have in common? I have a slight office supply addiction, but that's another talk.So I had a manila folder, and I had a Sharpie, and I was like, what am I going to call this research? And the first words that came to my mind were whole-hearted.These are whole-hearted people, living from this deep sense of worthiness.So I wrote at the top of the manila folder, and I started looking at the data.In fact, I did it first in a four-day very intensive data analysis, where I went back, pulled these interviews, pulled the stories, pulled the incidents.What's the theme? What's the pattern? My husband left town with the kids because I always go into this Jackson Pollock crazy thing, where I'm just like writing and in my researcher mode.And so here's what I found.What they had in common was a sense of courage.And I want to separate courage and bravery for you for a minute.Courage, the original definition of courage,when it first came into the English language--it's from the Latin word cor, meaning heart--and the original definition was to tell the story of who you are with your whole heart.And so these folks had, very simply, the courage to be imperfect.They had the compassion to be kind to themselves first and then to others, because, as it turns out, we can't practice compassion with other people if we can't treat ourselves kindly.And the last was they had connection, and--this was the hard part--as a result of authenticity, they were willing to let go of who they thought they should be in order to be who they were, which you have to absolutely do thatfor connection.The other thing that they had in common was this: They fully embraced vulnerability.They believed that what made them vulnerable made them beautiful.They didn't talk about vulnerability being comfortable, nor did they really talk about it being excruciating--as I had heard it earlier in the shame interviewing.They just talked about it being necessary.They talked about the willingness to say, “I love you” first, the willingness to do something where there are no guarantees, the willingness to breathe through waiting for the doctor to call after your mammogram.They're willing to invest in a relationship that may or may not work out.They thought this was fundamental.I personally thought it was betrayal.I could not believe I had pledged allegiance to research, where our job--you know, the definition of research is to control and predict, to study phenomena, for the explicit reason to control and predict.And now my mission to control and predict had turned up the answer that the way to live is with vulnerability and to stop controlling and predicting.This led to a little breakdown--(Laughter)--which actually looked more like this.(Laughter)And it did.I call it a breakdown;my therapist calls it a spiritual awakening.A spiritual awakening sounds better than breakdown, but I assure you it was a breakdown.And I had to put my data away and go find a therapist.Let me tell you something: you know who you are when you call your friends and say, “I think I need to see somebody.Do you have any recommendations?” Because about five of my friends were like, “Wooo.I wouldn't want to be your therapist.”(Laughter)I was like, “What does that mean?” And they're like, “I'm just saying, you know.Don't bring your measuring stick.” I was like, “Okay.” So I found a therapist.My first meeting with her, Diana--I brought in my list of the way the whole-hearted live, and I sat down.And she said, “How are you?” And I said, “I'm great.I'm okay.” She said, “What's going on?” And this is a therapist who sees therapists, because we have to go to those, because their B.S.meters are good.(Laughter)And so I said, “Here's the thing, I'm struggling.” And she said, “What's the struggle?” And I said, “Well, I have a vulnerability issue.And I know that vulnerability is the core of shame and fear and our struggle for worthiness, but it appears that it's also the birthplace of joy, of creativity, of belonging, of love.And I think I have a problem, and I need some help.” And I said, “But here's the thing: no family stuff, no childhood shit.”(Laughter)“I

just you.So

need she

goes

some like strategies.”(Laughter)(Applause)Thank this.(Laughter)And then I said, “It's bad, right?” And she said, “It's neither good nor bad.”(Laughter)“It just is what it is.” And I said, “Oh my God, this is going to suck.”(Laughter)And it did, and it didn't.And it took about a year.And you know how there are people that, when they realize that vulnerability and tenderness are important, that they surrender and walk into it.A: that's not me, and B: I don't even hang out with people like that.(Laughter)For me, it was a yearlong street fight.It was a slugfest.Vulnerability pushed, I pushed back.I lost the fight, but probably won my life back.And so then I went back into the research and spent the next couple of years really trying to understand what they, the whole-hearted, what choices they were

making, and

what

are

we

doing with vulnerability.Why do we struggle with it so much? Am I alone in struggling with vulnerability? No.So this is what I learned.We numb vulnerability--when we're waiting for the call.It was funny, I sent something out on Twitter and on Facebook that says, “How would you define vulnerability? What makes you feel vulnerable?” And within an hour and a half, I had 150 responses.Because I wanted to know what's out there.Having to ask my husband for help because I'm sick, and we're newly married;initiating sex with my husband;initiating sex with my wife;being turned down;asking someone out;waiting for the doctor to call back;getting laid off;laying off people--this is the world we live in.We live in a vulnerable world.And one of the ways we deal with it is we numb vulnerability.And I think there's evidence--and it's not the only reason this evidence exists, but I think it's a huge cause--we are the most in-debt, obese, addicted and medicated adult cohort in U.S.history.The problem is--and I learned this from the research--that you cannot selectively numb emotion.You can't say, here's the bad stuff.Here's vulnerability, here's

grief，here's

shame, here's

fear，here's disappointment.I don't want to feel these.I'm going to have a couple of beers and a banana nut muffin.(Laughter)I don't want to feel these.And I know that's knowing laughter.I hack into your lives for a living.God.(Laughter)You can't numb those hard feelings without numbing the other affects, our emotions.You cannot selectively numb.So when we numb those, we numb joy, we numb gratitude, we numb happiness.And then we are miserable, and we are looking for purpose and meaning, and then we feel vulnerable, so then we have a couple of beers and a banana nut muffin.And it becomes this dangerous cycle.One of the things that I think we need to think about is why and how we numb.And it doesn't just have to be addiction.The other thing we do is we make everything that's uncertain certain.Religion has gone from a belief in faith and mystery to certainty.I'm right, you're wrong.Shut up.That's it.Just certain.The more afraid we are, the more vulnerable we are, the more afraid we are.This is what politics looks like today.There's no discourse anymore.There's no conversation.There's just blame.You know how blame is described in the research? A way to discharge pain and discomfort.We perfect.If there's anyone who wants their life to look like this, it would be me, but it doesn't work.Because what we do is we take fat from our butts and put it in our cheeks.(Laughter)Which just, I hope in 100 years, people will look back and go, “Wow.”(Laughter)And we perfect, most dangerously, our children.Let me tell you what we think about children.They're hardwired for struggle when they get here.And when you hold those perfect little babies in your hand, our job is not to say, “Look at her, she's perfect.My job is just to keep her perfect--make sure she makes the tennis team by fifth grade and Yale by seventh grade.”That's not our job.Our job is to look and say, “You know what? You're imperfect, and you're wired for struggle, but you are worthy of love and belonging.” That's our job.Show me a generation of kids raised like that, and we'll end the problems I think that we see today.We pretend that what we do doesn't have an effect on people.We do that in our personal lives.We do that corporate--whether it's a bailout, an oil spill, a recall--we pretend like what we're doing doesn't have a huge impact on other people.I would say to companies, this is not our first rodeo, people.We just need you to be authentic and real and say, “We're sorry.We'll fix it.” But there's another way, and I'll leave you with this.This is what I have found: to let ourselves be seen, deeply seen, vulnerably seen;to love with our whole hearts, even though there's no guarantee--and that's really hard, and I can tell you as a parent, that's excruciatingly difficult--to practice gratitude and joy in those moments of terror, when we're wondering, “Can I love you this much? Can I believe in this this passionately? Can I be this fierce about this?” just to be able to stop and, instead of catastrophizing what might happen, to say, “I'm just so grateful, because to feel this vulnerable means I'm alive.” And the last, which I think is probably the most important, is to believe that we're enough.Because when we work from a place, I believe, that says, “I'm enough,” then we stop screaming and start listening, we're kinder and gentler to the people around us, and we're kinder and gentler to ourselves.That's all I have.Thank you.(Applause)

第五篇：反脆弱讀后感

反脆弱》讀書筆記

許維04月07日 21:58 分享到：

反脆弱 塔勒布 許維

分類 : 文化

摘要 : 世界本質(zhì)上是不確定的，確定性只存在于人類的思維當(dāng)中，人類對確定性的追求來自于對不確定的恐懼；當(dāng)我們希望用確定性思維去改變不確定的世界、希望世界按照我們的意思運(yùn)轉(zhuǎn)的時候，我們往往會獲得和初衷相反的結(jié)果

文/明道副總裁 許維

今天要寫的這個話題比較形而上，讀起來可能有一些枯燥，大家要做好心理準(zhǔn)備。最近一直在讀《反脆弱》，這是一本讓我不僅感慨“怎么只有370頁呢？怎么就沒有了呢？要是有1370頁多好呀！”的書。

趁著清明小長假有時間，把我讀這本書時領(lǐng)悟到的一些東西寫下來，勾引大家都去讀一讀這本書。我想在這篇文章里和大家聊聊：“在一個不確定的世界里，我們該如何行動？”

確定性是一種什么東西？

《反脆弱》作者塔勒布的好朋友丹尼爾·卡尼曼寫過一本同樣很棒的書《思考，快與慢》，他在書中提出了快思維和慢思維兩種思維模式。通俗的說，快思維更偏動物性一些，它更像條件反射，比如說一個球向你飛過來你會很自然的躲避，看到一個美女你會很自然的多看兩眼，有人罵你你會馬上感到憤怒，這種“刺激-反應(yīng)”是在你來不及思考的情況下就做出的。毫無疑問，快思維系統(tǒng)對我們的生存非常有效，如果一支箭射過來，然后你說我拿出計(jì)算器計(jì)算一下它的彈道軌跡吧，然后我再根據(jù)結(jié)果做出躲避的決策，那你早就沒命了。

慢思維則是人類特有的思維方式，它在你處理邏輯問題的時候會派上用場。比如說小朋友問你：“有一個水池，開進(jìn)水管1個小時可以注滿水，開出水管2個小時可以把水放光，同時打開進(jìn)水管和出水管，幾個小時可以把水池注滿水？”你用快思維肯定解決不了，你必須要開啟你的慢思維系統(tǒng)。

快思維和慢思維其實(shí)只是兩種不同的思維方式，沒有高低之別，不同的情況下我們啟動不同的系統(tǒng)應(yīng)對不同的情況。但是不知道為什么，在我們的語言當(dāng)中，“理性”這個詞天然的帶有褒義色彩，說一個人理性他總歸不會覺得你是在罵他。而我們有時候會說“XX這個人做事太感性了”，這好像就不算是夸人吧？

據(jù)我估計(jì)，理性的褒義化可能要?dú)w功于柏拉圖。柏拉圖老人家把世界分成了“此岸”和“彼岸”。此岸是我們生活的現(xiàn)實(shí)世界，它不完美、短暫、不和諧、充滿變化，而彼岸則是柏拉圖想象出來的“理形的世界”，它完美、永恒、和諧、不變、唯一。彼岸的世界是怎么來的呢？柏拉圖認(rèn)為它就是存在在那里的，他并沒有去證明它的存在。要我說，其實(shí)彼岸世界是存在于柏拉圖的慢思維當(dāng)中——它是用人類的慢思維抽象出來的一個世界。

懷特海說，“整個西方哲學(xué)史就是柏拉圖哲學(xué)的注腳?！边@話其實(shí)很有道理，柏拉圖以后的哲學(xué)家，要么是沿著他的路往前走，要么是反對他?；浇唐鋵?shí)可以被看作是柏拉圖哲學(xué)的一個變體，二者的內(nèi)核是一致的，只不過一個是用哲學(xué)的口吻表述，一個是用宗教的口吻表述。基督教通過“信仰”解決了哲學(xué)上無法用“證明”解決的問題：彼岸的世界就是存在的，你信它存在它就存在。

也許正因?yàn)榘乩瓐D哲學(xué)和基督教神學(xué)在西方占據(jù)了太久的統(tǒng)治時間，所以“理性”這個詞自然而然的就帶有了一種褒義的色彩，因?yàn)椤袄硇浴笔堑竭_(dá)彼岸世界的唯一道路。

在尋找確定性的途中，我們似乎忘記了當(dāng)初是為什么而出發(fā)了。在很長的時間里，人類不斷的思考“怎樣發(fā)現(xiàn)真理”，卻不去思考“為什么要發(fā)現(xiàn)真理？”直到尼采大聲喊出“上帝死了”，人們才突然開始意識到這個問題的嚴(yán)重性。是啊，我們?yōu)槭裁葱枰胬砟?？有了真理以后，我們用它來干什么呢？沒錯，我們要用它來給我們提供一種安全感。試想，在一個充滿各種不確定性的世界里，你在下一秒可能就被野獸吃掉了，或者被同伴打死了，你是不是很恐慌？所以，你需要一種確定性，用它來給當(dāng)下的生活以希望。

你希望世界是按照一種線性的邏輯發(fā)展的（這其實(shí)是人類大腦獨(dú)有的工作方式）——你希望今天花了2個小時復(fù)習(xí)功課，明天的考試就能夠多得10分（其實(shí)二者并沒有必然聯(lián)系）；你希望給女朋友送個鉆戒，她就愿意嫁給你；你希望通過增加貨幣的供給量，刺激經(jīng)濟(jì)的增長。

其實(shí)，我們之所以用理性去尋找確定性，在我看來是因?yàn)槲覀冊诟行詫雍ε虏淮_定性。沒有確定性，我們就難以給當(dāng)下的行為找到一個合理的理由。因此，柏拉圖并不是去“證明”確定性的存在，而是想當(dāng)然的直接跳過這個問題，似乎那是“不證自明”的，然后就開始思考“如何追求真理”的問題了。直到尼采提醒我們，“嘿伙計(jì)們，上帝真的存在嗎？上帝存在的唯一理由，其實(shí)就是你們希望有一個上帝。”

確定性的邊界

確定性的捍衛(wèi)者們最有力的武器就是：“你難道看不見建立在科學(xué)大廈上面的現(xiàn)代化世界嗎？我們的建筑、汽車、電腦，無不是人類理性的結(jié)晶。如果你否定了確定性的存在，那這一切的存在你又如何解釋？”

我不否認(rèn)確定性在數(shù)學(xué)、物理學(xué)、化學(xué)這類純科學(xué)領(lǐng)域的存在，但問題在于我們不能把這種思維方式擴(kuò)展到所有的領(lǐng)域，比如用“科學(xué)方法”去預(yù)測經(jīng)濟(jì)、用“科學(xué)方法”去研究人的幸福感、用“科學(xué)方法”去發(fā)明藥品。

即便是在純科學(xué)領(lǐng)域，確定性也是有邊界的。數(shù)學(xué)是一門非常形而上的學(xué)科，研究的問題是抽象的，幾何當(dāng)中的直線、圓這些概念在現(xiàn)實(shí)世界當(dāng)中并不存在，它們只存在于人類大腦當(dāng)中。物理學(xué)當(dāng)中雖然引入了實(shí)驗(yàn)作為證明工具，但實(shí)驗(yàn)只能近似的證明某個定理的真實(shí)性，這個定理本身仍然要加上“在理想狀態(tài)下”的前提假設(shè)。物理學(xué)定理和數(shù)學(xué)一樣，其實(shí)也是人類邏輯思維推導(dǎo)出來的結(jié)果。

通俗一點(diǎn)來說，絕對的確定性只存在于人類的邏輯思維當(dāng)中，它來自于人類的抽象能力。離開了人類的思維，確定性就無處棲身。

我們還可以從另外一條道路到達(dá)同樣的目的地。大家有沒有思考過，語言是一種什么東西？ 你能準(zhǔn)確的告訴我，“人”這個詞的定義是什么嗎？估計(jì)你要去找百度百科了。但是，百度百科說的為什么就是對的呢？

好了，我們先不糾結(jié)于對錯這個問題，思考另一個問題：即便我們不知道“人”的定義，這妨礙我們使用這個詞說話嗎？沒錯，不妨礙。

第三個問題：“人”這個詞和一個活生生的人，是一個東西嗎？肯定不是。毫無疑問，語言是一套聲音和文字組成的符號系統(tǒng)，它的單詞數(shù)量是有限的，每個詞會對應(yīng)N個現(xiàn)實(shí)世界當(dāng)中的事物（比如說“人”這個詞對應(yīng)了60多億的生物）或者動作或者屬性。語言當(dāng)中還有一些詞是現(xiàn)實(shí)當(dāng)中沒有的，比如說“因?yàn)??所以”、“是”、“但是”、“不僅??還”、“既??又”，這是邏輯推理必不可少的工具。人類的語言對于同樣一個事物，還會有褒義、貶義、中性的不同表達(dá)方式，這就把人類的主觀價(jià)值判斷和事物關(guān)聯(lián)起來了。

人類的語言就好比是一套樂高積木，我們可以用樂高積木模擬出來任何現(xiàn)實(shí)世界中的東西，但是它只是模型，而且模仿的非常粗糙。沒有人會把樂高模型和現(xiàn)實(shí)世界劃等號，但是我們在使用語言的時候，卻很少有人能夠意識到這一點(diǎn)。當(dāng)我們脫口而出“男人都是用下半身思考的動物”這句話時，我們忽略了非常大量的信息：哪個男人？啥叫“用下半身思考”？為什么“都”是？什么時候是？

這其實(shí)又回到了快思考、慢思考的問題上了，我們說這句話的時候用的是快思考，我們選擇性忽視了語言的精確性，如果不這樣我們就無法說話。這樣做在大多數(shù)情況下是沒有問題的，但是我們?nèi)绻虼硕鴱氐淄浟恕罢Z言是世界的一個模型”這件事情，如果我們把語言和世界直接劃上一個等號，那就會掩蓋世界的本來面貌。

再往前推進(jìn)一步，既然“定義”、“定理”、“理論”這些東西都是來自于人類語言的表述，那我們又怎么能把它們視為獨(dú)立于人類理念而客觀存在的東西呢？把模型等同于實(shí)在，最大的害處是讓人誤以為自己已經(jīng)找到了真理，并將其應(yīng)用在實(shí)在上，這就會造成悲劇了。

在《反脆弱》當(dāng)中，作者舉了很多這方面的例子，比如說信奉凱恩斯主義的政府出手干預(yù)經(jīng)濟(jì)，結(jié)果加重了經(jīng)濟(jì)危機(jī)。比如說現(xiàn)代醫(yī)學(xué)的發(fā)達(dá)，造成了“醫(yī)源性損傷”的大幅度增加。比如說蘇聯(lián)式的計(jì)劃經(jīng)濟(jì)，最終造成的是全國經(jīng)濟(jì)的大幅度倒退。

怎樣面對不確定的世界 如果說世界的本質(zhì)上是像塔勒布所說的不確定性，那我們豈不是沒法生存了？如果我們根本不知道做了這件事情會發(fā)生什么，那我們應(yīng)該怎么做呢？

其實(shí)這并沒有想象的那么可怕，只要變換一下思維方式就好了。理性主義者往往認(rèn)為世界的變化遵循線性邏輯，“只要??就會??”，所以他們的行為方式是“為了??只要??就好了?！?/p>

比如說，為了考第一名，只要增加學(xué)習(xí)的時間就好了（難道忘了第一名只有一個嗎？難道忘了你的時間不能無限增加嗎？）比如說，為了追到喜歡的女孩子，只要夠真心就夠了，實(shí)在不行求他個101次婚?。y道忘了追她的有好幾個男人，最后只有一個能成功嗎？）

理性主義者的行動方式其實(shí)反而是感性的，他們非常直接，希望通過積極的行為達(dá)到目的。但是他們放大了人的力量，他們對于線性邏輯有一種宗教式的迷信（可能因?yàn)榫€性邏輯看起來很科學(xué)吧，我敢打賭很少有人會質(zhì)疑線性邏輯的正確性，基本上都是直接就信了）。當(dāng)他們這么做的時候，其實(shí)面臨著非常大的風(fēng)險(xiǎn)——因?yàn)楦静淮嬖诰€性邏輯這回事兒！

也許他們可以找出很多證據(jù)來證明，“因?yàn)槲疫@么做，所以我成功了”。但這其實(shí)是一種“幸存者偏差”，那些同樣這么做了但是沒有成功的人，根本就沒有留下記錄，他們被忽視了。幸存者在總結(jié)自己成功的原因時，引用的其實(shí)是不完整的數(shù)據(jù)。

也許我們應(yīng)該換一個方向來做事情。我們可能無法定義“人”的準(zhǔn)確概念，但是我們能夠非常肯定的說出什么不是“人”。我們可能無法知道怎么做是對的，但是我們總是能夠非常肯定的知道怎么做是錯的。少犯錯誤就是增加成功率，難道不是這樣嗎？我們與其關(guān)注一個牛人做了什么，不如去關(guān)注他沒做什么。喬布斯說：“我對自己未曾做過的事情與對自己做過的事情同樣感到自豪，創(chuàng)新就是對1000個理念說不?！?/p>

理性主義者還有一個經(jīng)常會犯的錯誤，那就是把“低概率”等同于“不可能發(fā)生”。比如說，飛機(jī)墜毀的概率是幾萬分之一，但那并不等于它不會發(fā)生。核電站爆炸的概率也極低，但那并不意味著我們不需要做任何的防護(hù)措施。

單純的考慮概率是沒有意義的，我們必須在考慮概率的時候同時考慮它的收益和損失。因?yàn)槲覀兊氖澜缡欠蔷€性的，所以風(fēng)險(xiǎn)和收益也并非是線性關(guān)系，有些事情的收益很大損失卻很小，有些事情正好相反。我們最好繞開那些收益很小損失卻很大的事情，他們一旦發(fā)生我們就沒辦法承擔(dān)損失，哪怕它發(fā)生的概率很低。單純的躲避陷阱不能讓我們獲益，它只是避免了我們毀滅，所以我們最好采用“杠鈴策略”。簡單的說，我們要把我們的絕大部分資本投資在那些損失可控的低風(fēng)險(xiǎn)資產(chǎn)上面，從而避免我們會遭受毀滅性的打擊，同時我們把一小部分資本投資在收益可能無窮大的高風(fēng)險(xiǎn)資產(chǎn)上面，不讓我們錯過發(fā)財(cái)?shù)臋C(jī)會。事實(shí)上，德州撲克高手的策略一般也是如此，他們會在很多局當(dāng)中輸一點(diǎn)點(diǎn)，但是會在某一局贏非常多，而普通選手可能會在很多局中贏一點(diǎn)點(diǎn)錢，然后在某一局全部輸進(jìn)去。

杠鈴策略看似簡單，但是能否運(yùn)用得當(dāng)?shù)年P(guān)鍵在于對風(fēng)險(xiǎn)的判斷。這世界上存在低風(fēng)險(xiǎn)資產(chǎn)，也存在高風(fēng)險(xiǎn)資產(chǎn)，但是并不存在中等風(fēng)險(xiǎn)資產(chǎn)這種東西。把所有資產(chǎn)配置在中等風(fēng)險(xiǎn)上面，并不等于你面對的就是中等風(fēng)險(xiǎn)。

塔勒布還引入了一個“選擇權(quán)”的概念，我懷疑這是譯者找不到更好的詞了，這真心不是一個很好的譯法，在我看來“選擇權(quán)”和“試錯”應(yīng)該是一回事。在很多時候，靠推理、分析我們是無法獲得正確答案的，所以我們最好的方法就是“拍腦袋”，只不過這個拍腦袋是有余地的拍，拍了以后我們要看它的效果反饋，然后根據(jù)反饋結(jié)果來決定是堅(jiān)持還是換個方向再拍一次腦袋。塔勒布管這事兒叫“選擇權(quán)”，我覺得這就是我們經(jīng)常說的“快速迭代、小步快跑”，再時髦一點(diǎn)叫“精益創(chuàng)業(yè)”啊，本質(zhì)上和“試錯”其實(shí)都是一回事兒。

“選擇權(quán)”或者說“試錯”是面對不確定的終極武器。老子說“上善若水”、“順勢而為”，翻譯成現(xiàn)代漢語就是我們要根據(jù)外在環(huán)境不停的調(diào)整自己的行為，讓自己始終和環(huán)境達(dá)到一個和諧統(tǒng)一的狀態(tài)。二者殊途同歸。

總結(jié)

不知不覺竟然寫了5000來字，今天就寫到這里吧。簡單做一個小小的總結(jié)：世界本質(zhì)上是不確定的，確定性只存在于人類的思維當(dāng)中，人類對確定性的追求來自于對不確定的恐懼；當(dāng)我們希望用確定性思維去改變不確定的世界、希望世界按照我們的意思運(yùn)轉(zhuǎn)的時候，我們往往會獲得和初衷相反的結(jié)果；所以，我們最好勇敢的面對世界的不確定，承認(rèn)人類自身的有限性，順勢而為。