第一篇：搞笑版英文話劇 孔雀東南飛

焦仲卿johnny(jforshort)劉蘭芝lunch(lforshort)焦母johnny’s mother(jmforshort)劉母lunch’s mother(lmforshort)太守之子mayor’sson(msforshort)強(qiáng)盜burglars(abandc)prologue 序幕

(j作被打狀跑上臺(tái),內(nèi)砸出一卷紙筒,j被打中,狼狽不堪)j:everybody says that i’m hen pecked, but in fact,i’m a strong tiger,(小聲)while my wife is wusong.譯：人人都說我怕老婆，實(shí)際上我是老虎，（小聲）我妻子是武松。

(指著上臺(tái)處的門大聲道)i’m not afraid of you!譯：我才不怕你呢！

(內(nèi)砸出一臉盆,j接住當(dāng)成盾牌護(hù)著頭)then, i’m afraid of whom!my wife lunchi is the most famous woman in the neighbor-hood.she is braver than me,smarter than me and stronger than me.all this i donot care.i only want she to be tender than me.but she is not!having a wife like this is just like living in the hell!

譯：誰怕誰??！在鄰里中，我妻子是最有名氣的。她比我勇敢、比我聰明、比我強(qiáng)壯。我也不在乎這些。我只覺得她該對我溫柔些，但是她卻不懂溫柔！有這樣的太太就像活在地獄中?。?內(nèi)又砸出一卷紙筒,擊中j)my god!who can help me?(下)譯：我的天！誰來救救我??？ act1 第一幕

(序幕結(jié)束時(shí),jm作竊聽狀)jm(拄拐棍上):i can!(對門內(nèi))lunch!lunch!where are you? l(扎著圍裙,拿著鍋鏟,從門內(nèi)跳出來):i’m here!what’s up，mum? jm:i have told you again and again that you should call me “my most beautiful graceful and dearest mother in law”.l:ok.my most beautiful graceful and dearest mother-in-law, what’s up?

jm:since you married my son you have be havedso badly.you have been so rude, so brusque,so lazy…… l:but……

jm:never interrupt me!

l:never interrupt me!since i married your son, that terrible johnny,i have been working hard all daylong,cooking and washing.i have raised tens of thousands of pigs and ducks and chicken and……

jm:but all those you have done arenot asvaluable as a grandson!l(生氣地?fù)]動(dòng)著鍋鏟):oh,you want a grandson,don’t you?(開始解圍裙)go and ask your son.i’m leaving!(扯下圍裙,扔在jm的臉上,下)act2(lm坐在臺(tái)上打毛線,l拿著鍋鏟上)l:mum, i’m back!

lm:you are back?why?what happened? l:i was kicked out by my most beautiful graceful and dearest mother–in-law.lm(驚訝,但隨即露出幸災(zāi)樂禍的神情):see!i have already told you!when you insisted on marrying that terrible johnny, i told you that he is ugly tupid and poor, but you did not listen to me.look at yourself…… l:but,mum……

lm:never interrupt me!

l:mum,i’m not interrupting you.i just want to tell you that you are always right ok? and i’ll marry whomever you want me to.lm(大喜):nice girl!just now, i met the mayor’s son in the market.he said:“if your daughter haven’t been married,i really really want to marry her!”now you are free again, i ’ll go and tell him.(下)l(驚愕):what? the mayor’s son?the most famous playboy in the neighbor-hood?(手中的鍋 鏟掉在地上)what a silly thing i have done!(下)act3(j睡眼惺忪上)j(邊走邊道):lunch!lunch!where are mysocks?(走了幾步,在地上撿起襪子)here they are!(聞一下)er!how smelly!they are still dirty!(突然想起)lunch has gone!i have to wash them myself.(他的肚子似乎咕咕叫了起來)oh,i’m so hungry!but there’s no breakfast!(撿起地上的圍 裙)this is what lunch always wears!i miss her so much, and her excellent cooking skill!now she has gone.i have to cook for my mother and myself.jm(上):where’s my breakfast? where’slunch?hasn’t she got up yet? j:mum, can’t you remember?lunch has gone!

jm(沉吟片刻):well, to tell you the truth johnny, a son without a wife is suseless.lunch is an ice girl,go and take her back!j(立正敬禮):yes madam!act4(j開心地走著，忽然跳出來三個(gè)強(qiáng)盜)a:hey you!stop and listen to us!the road is built by me!(抬腳重重地踩在一塊大石頭上)b:and i planted one tree!(亦抬腳踩在同一塊石頭上)c:if you want to go by this street---(欲踩石頭，但踩到了a的腳)ab&c:give us all your money!j(搜遍了每一個(gè)口袋，掏出1角硬幣):is 1mao enough?(三強(qiáng)盜暈倒?fàn)睿又司墼谝贿吷塘?a:what bad luck!this guy is broken!

b:if we cannot robany money today,we will havenot thing to eat tonight!c:i heard that the mayor’s son is going to marry miss liulanzhi next month.we can go and rob the wedding!a&b:good idea!j(驚訝):what? what? lunch is going to get married? it’s impossible!ab&c:why? a pretty girl and a richman,what a good couple!j:but lunch is my wife!we haven’t got divorced yet!

(突然有了主意)i’ve got an idea!you are going to rob the wedding, don’tyou? i’ll go with you.you take the money and i take the bride.b:have you got any experience? j:no.but i’ve got this!(j脫下鞋子從里面摸出一張支票，上書＄1，000，000)act5(轉(zhuǎn)眼已到了婚禮之期．ms意氣風(fēng)發(fā)用紅綢牽著新娘上，j蓋著紅蓋頭極不情愿地被拉上臺(tái))(j和三強(qiáng)盜躍至臺(tái)中)abc&j:hey you!stop and listen to us!a:the road is built by me!b:and i planted one tree.c:if you want to go by this street---j:give us all your money!(l聽到j(luò)的聲音，掀起了蓋頭)l(驚喜萬分):johnny!(不顧一切地飛奔到j(luò)的身邊并躲到了的身后)(ms大怒，揮拳向j打來．j矮身一躲，ms打中了j身后的l，l暈倒)j(火冒三丈):how dare you beat my wife!（揮拳向ms沖去）(j與ms混戰(zhàn)，jm上，以拐杖擊暈ms)(j將ms胸前的新郎標(biāo)志扯下戴在自己胸前)j(扶起l，關(guān)切地問):honey, how are you? l(哭狀):i hurt a lot!j:don’t cry baby.i’ll go and fetch the medicine.(下)l(起身去追):wait for me!(跑下)

第二篇：《孔雀東南飛》（英文搞笑話劇

Wanderseveryfivemiles

焦仲卿Johy(Jforshort)劉蘭芝Lunch(Lforshort)

焦母Johy’smother(JMforshort)劉母Lunch’smother(LMforshort)太守之子Mayor’on(MSforshort)強(qiáng)盜Burglars(ABandC)

Prologue

(J作

被打狀跑上臺(tái),內(nèi)砸出一卷紙筒,J被打中,狼狽不堪)

J:EverybodysaysthatI’mheecked,butinfact,I’matrongasatiger,(小聲)whilemy

wifeisWuSong.(指著上臺(tái)處的門大聲道)I’mnotafraidofyou!

(內(nèi)砸出一臉盆,Ｊ接住當(dāng)成盾牌護(hù)著頭)Then,I’mafraidofwhom?

MywifeLunchisthemostfamouswomanintheneighbor-hood.Sheiraverthanme,smarterthanmeandstrongerthanme.AllthisIdonotcare.Ionlywanthertobetender

thanme.Butsheiot!Havingawifelikethisisjustlikelivinginthehell!

(內(nèi)又砸出一卷紙筒,擊中J)

MyGod!Whocanhelpme?(下)

Act1

(序幕結(jié)束時(shí),JM作竊聽狀)

JM(拄拐棍上):Ican!

(對門內(nèi))Lunch!Lunch!Whereareyou?

L(扎著圍裙,拿著鍋鏟,從門內(nèi)跳出來):I’mhere!What’supmum?

JM:I’vetoldyouagainandagainthatyoushouldcallme“mymostbeautifulgracefuland

dearestmother-in-law”.L:OK.Mymostbeautifulgracefulanddearestmother-in-law,what’sup?

JM:Sinceyoumarriedmysonyouhavebehavedsobadly.Youhavebeeorude,sobrusque,so

lazy……

L:But……

JM:Neverinterruptme!

L:Neverinterruptme!SinceImarriedyourson,thatterribleJohy,Ihavebeenworkinghardall

daylong,cookingandwashing.Ihaveraisedteofthousandsofpigsandducksandchicken

and……

JM:Butallthoseyouhavedonearenotasvaluableasagrandson!

L(生氣地?fù)]動(dòng)著鍋鏟):Oh,youwantagrandson,don’tyou?(開始解圍裙)Goandaskyour

son.I’mleaving!(扯下圍裙,扔在JM的臉上,下)

Act2

(LM坐在臺(tái)上打毛線,L拿著鍋鏟上)

L:Mum,I’mback!

LM:Youareback?Why?Whathaened?

L:Iwaskickedoutbymymostbeautifulgracefulanddearestmother–in-law.LM(驚訝,但隨即露出幸災(zāi)樂禍的神情):See!Ihavealreadytoldyou!Whenyouiistedon

marryingthatterribleJohy,Itoldyouthatheisuglystupidandpoor,butyoudidnotlisten

tome.Lookatyourself……

L:But,mum……

LM:Neverinterruptme!

L:Mum,I’mnotinterruptingyou.IjustwanttotellyouthatyouarealwaysrightOK?And

I’llmarrywhomeveryouwantmeto.LM(大喜):Nicegirl!Justnow,Imetthemayor’oninthemarket.Hesaid:“Ifyoudaughter

Haven’tbeenmarried,Ireallyreallywanttomarryher!”Nowyouarefreeagain,I’llgo

andtellhim.(下

第三篇：白雪公主英文搞笑話劇

http://004km.cn/programs/view/o12KwEDtlyY/isRenhe=1

白雪公主英文搞笑話劇

The snow white story

角色：公主 皇后 墨鏡 旁白 兩個(gè)矮人 獵人（可一人演兩個(gè)）

旁白紀(jì)力：Once upon a time, there was a queen.She had a pretty daughter named Snow White.Soon after the child was born, the queen died.The king married another queen.The stepmother was very jealous and cruel.She treated Snow White badly.公主宏:(出場,)唱：【I'm a cute cute girl with a bad bad mom.It's a big big thing if you love me.選自big big world】My horror mother always obliges me, such a beautiful，handsome，humor smart，lovely，delicious princess to do a lot of homework?oh I cannot bear it.So I just make a brilliant decision: running away~ 唱：【go go go oleo le ole選自世界杯主題曲 】(離開)

皇后粘(上場)：I’m the legendary cruel queen , oh，no the legendary beautiful、greedy、bloody queen.If anyone is more beautiful than me, I’ll kill her.I have a magic mirror.If I want to know something, It will tell me surely.Now, mirror, mirror, come here!

魔鏡朝全：（跑上來，雙手叉腰）Yes, I’m coming.What do you want to know?

皇后粘：Mirror, mirror, on the wall.Tell me the truth, who is the most beautiful woman in the world?

魔鏡朝全：歌：【everytime I try to lie I fail without my heart,I feel so sad,】You are really the fairest of all, I think.{ 皇后，你的確是非常漂亮的女人。}

皇后粘：General啦{一般啦}（舉雙手）哈哈哈！哈哈哈！I am the most beautiful woman in the world!

魔鏡朝全： But,nevertheless,however,whereas, 可是，可是,（邊說邊退，舉手擋住臉）there is a young lady.She is as white as snow, as red as rose and as black as ebony.She is much more beautiful than you.皇后粘：（抓狂樣）：She is much more beautiful than me? 歌：【my jealousness is killing me and I，and I must confess，I’m still paining.選在布蘭妮的baby baby more time】Who is she? Tell me quickly!

魔鏡朝全： She is Snow White.皇后粘：Snow White? No, I’m the most beautiful in the world.??（沉思）（響指）hunter！come here, come here!

獵人偉新： Here?。ň炊Y 少息立正）

皇后粘：I heard Snow White had fleeted from my palace.I order you to find her out and kill her.獵人偉新：But she is the princess.Even given money, I would not do such immoral things.{即使給錢，我也不會(huì)做這樣不道德的事情。}

皇后：（抽出鈔票，揮著下臺(tái)）

獵人偉新：（兩眼發(fā)直，追隨鈔票）Oh money！

公主和獵人上場。

獵人偉新：You must be Snow White.公主和獵人追逐半場。公主： In the night which you can’t see your toe if you stretch out your hand.{在一個(gè)伸手不見腳趾的夜晚}，（聲音提起）He ,he he he{他，他他他}??He grasped my left hand {他抓住了我的左手}，（獵人抓公主左手）And then,he he he?He also grasped my right hand {然后，他，他他??他又抓住了我的右手}，（二人轉(zhuǎn)180度，獵人抓公主右手）(公主害羞狀)He invited me to dance.獵人偉新：歌：【take me to your heart ,take me to your soul ,give me your hand before I'm old 選自吻別】Although I don’t have the heart to kill you, your mother want me to.(拿刀欲刺狀)

公主：（雙手合于胸前）My dear hunter, I admire you just like the yellow river, never endless.I have eighty-year-old mother up, three-year-old boy down.Please don’t kill me.Give me the life, please!我親愛的獵人，我對你的敬意有如滔滔江水連綿不絕。我上有老，下有小。請別殺我，給我一條活路吧！

獵人偉新：No way.Give me your life.(舉刀刺向公主，忽然，捂住自己的肚子，自語)Maybe I ate too much this morning, Maybe there is something wrong with the rice.(抬頭)where is the toilet?

公主：T-o-i-l-e-t-? 獵人偉新：WC.公主：W-C-?

獵人偉新：（急）茅廁！Are you happy to hear such rude words? 公主：I know, I know.Turn left, left and left.獵人偉新（下場）公主（之后下場）

旁白紀(jì)力：Princess continued to begin her life of escaping.{公主又繼續(xù)開始逃亡的生活} A week later.there was a small girls running panic in the dark forest {在一個(gè)伸手不見五指的夜里，漆黑的森林里有一個(gè)小女孩驚慌的跑著}。

公主：（上場，跑圈）Help！

旁白紀(jì)力：Snow White Looked haggard and worn rags running unceasingly Suddenly, she found a little house.她衣衫襤褸，面色憔悴，不時(shí)地回頭張望，腳下卻不敢停留。忽然間，她發(fā)現(xiàn)前面有一座小房子.（公主伸手求救狀，推門）

公主：Eat!Bread should!Apple also！wa kao!Leaves also can’t be left out.{吃的！面包也要！蘋果也要！我kao，菜葉子也不放過！}

旁白天驕:The Snow White was sitting on the chair eating crazily.Half an hour later.{公主坐在椅子上開吃，半小時(shí)過去}.公主：（打嗝）

旁白天驕：After eating and drinking,she felt very weary and wanted to have a rest.So she quikly fell asleep.{吃過喝過之后，她覺得非常疲倦，想休息休息，就很快就睡著了??}

旁白天驕： When it was dark, the owners of the cottage came back.They were two dwarfs.They were digging treasure in the mountain.{不久，房子的主人們回來了，他們是七個(gè)在山里小矮人}.（小矮人上）

B：wait，wait，Let’s go into our cottage silently.A：（踢門，看到公主喊）dinosaur!（拉手，蹭入）

B：Dinosaur!beat!{恐龍！打！}

公主：Don’t beat me in my face!Don’t beat me in my face!{別打我臉，別打我臉~~ } B：（拿燈照公主狀）

B：Stop{停！}（眾人后跳一步，公主起，望眾人）

A：Wa!Beaty!{哇，美女} What a lovely child!How beautiful!B：Who are you?

公主：Ladies and gentlemen.I am Snow White.I am 16 years old.Now I am on kindergarten and still not married.先生們，女士們。我叫白雪公主，今年15歲，上幼稚園，還沒有結(jié)婚。

旁白天驕：Princess told the whole process of the story to the dwarfs.{公主把事情的經(jīng)過告訴了矮人們}Then the dwarfs began to discuss whether to keep Snow White back.{此時(shí)，七個(gè)小矮人討論是否留下白雪公主}

公主：（欲聽眾人決定，雙手放在耳朵處）

B: I think she might stay with us.A：I agree with you，Hey girl, don't be afraid, we will help you and beat the bad queen.公主：You are so kind to me!{你們對我太好了！}

旁白天驕：From then on, Snow White kept the house.On the other hand, the queen didn’t receive the hunter’s information.She was anxious like the ants in her pants, grabbing the wall.皇后等不到獵人的消息，她急得如熱鍋上的螞蟻，直撓墻。

皇后上場（很傻地跳舞，撓墻狀）

旁白天驕：The wicked queen took out the mirror。

魔鏡上場。

皇后：（蹭魔鏡）Mirror, mirror on the wall, who is the fairest of all?

魔鏡：歌：【Every time you look at me ,My heart is jumping, it's easy to see選自布蘭妮crazy】You are the fairest of all.But Snow White is still alive and well.But, however, whereas, nevertheless ,（一邊擺手，退，逃）She lives with the two dwarfs.No one is more beautiful than she.{你仍然很漂亮，但是，但是白雪公主比你還漂亮。}

皇后：（抓頭）No!Snow White must die.I must finish her in person even if it costs my life.Just keep calm, Let me see!（盤坐在地。兩手在頭上畫畫如一休）歌：【格嘰格嘰格嘰格嘰格嘰格嘰?】（皇后站起）Ok,I get one.旁白偉新：The queen made a poisonous apple and dressed herself like an old woman.She came to the cottage.皇后：Good things to sell.Pretty things to sell.Cheap.Very cheap.公主：Hi, good day, my good lady.What do you sell?

皇后：Apples.Very delicious apples!Do you want to have a taste? 公主：Do you have some oranges ?你有橘子嗎？

皇后：Do you want some apples?

公主：Do you have some oranges?你有橘子么？

皇后：（大聲）My question is that: Do you have any oranges ?Oh, no, Do you want some apples? 公主：哦，apple呀??Do you have some oranges?

（皇后逼近公主，把蘋果塞在公主嘴里）

公主：（正經(jīng)狀）It is poisonous!（閉眼，倒，坐椅子上）

（皇后大笑）哈哈哈！哈哈哈！Now I’m the most beautiful in the world.I have a dream that one day，I can be the most beautiful woman in the world.旁白偉新：Snow White died.When the three dwarfs came from work.They were greatly surprise to see Snow White dead.（小矮人上，見公主，圍半圓）

A：（揣公主）Hey!Don’t sleep like a pig!Go to work!嘿，豬，別睡了，快干活?。ㄒ娖錈o反應(yīng)，試其鼻息，做白癡狀）

B：She died!What’s the matter?

A：（摸之，做驚恐狀，看B）Oh, my God!Who did it? It must be the wicked queen.AB：歌：【wherever you go, whatever you do ,I will be right here waiting for you選自此情可待】（唱完，眾人掩面而泣，同時(shí)用手指彈眼淚給對方）

旁白偉新： Although Snow White had been dead a long, long time.She looked as if she was living.She looked as white as snow, as red as rose and as black as ebony.However, one day, it happened a prince came to the two dwarfs’ house.When he saw Snow White, he fell in love with her.王子：Please, let me have Snow White.I love her.I want her to be my wife.A： May I have your name, please?(懷有敵意的說)

王子：(從兜里掏出一卷衛(wèi)生紙遞給A)It is my business card.A:（舉起來看看，驚訝狀！）Prince

A：Ok!Carry Snow White with you to your palace.Be sure to be kind to her.王子：(對著公主作深情狀)Sure, I will.I will love you forever, my dear!I love you just like the mouse likes the rice.You are the one I first kissed, and I hope you will be the last one.(Kiss her用手捂住公主的嘴 親自己的手)

旁白偉新：As soon as the prince kissed Snow White, Snow White came to her life.公主：Oh, my heaven!Where am I? What had happened? 歌【 You drive me crazy ,I just cant sleep ,Im so excited, I'm in too deep】

王子：You are with me, my dear.I love you.I love you more than everything in the world.Please be my wife, will you?

公主：Yes, I will, my dear!

王子：（又是深情狀，手唔心臟，轉(zhuǎn)向遠(yuǎn)方）My lovely lady，Once there was a truest love put before my eyes ,but I didn't cherish it.Only after losing it.I found myself regretting.No pains in the world comes near this, if God Could give me another chance, I would say to the girl “I love you!“If there had to be a limit of time before the end of love.I hope it would be ten thousand years.曾經(jīng)，有一份真誠的愛情放在我面前，我沒有珍惜，等到我失去的時(shí)候才后悔莫及，人世間最痛苦的事莫過于此，如果上天能夠給我一個(gè)再來一次的機(jī)會(huì)，我會(huì)對那個(gè)女孩子說三個(gè)字： “我愛你。”如果非要在這份愛上加上一個(gè)期限，我希望是一萬年！歌【Near...far...Wherever you are，I believe That the heart does go on 選自我心永恒】

三矮人：Oh!Congratulations!Congratulations!

旁白偉新：The prince took Snow White to the palace.Their wedding was held with great show.The story is ended, thank you!謝幕。

第四篇：白雪公主英文搞笑話劇

白雪公主英文搞笑話劇

第一場

旁白：Once upon a time, there was a queen.She had a pretty daughter named Snow White.Soon after the child was born, the queen died.The kind married another queen.The stepmother was very jealous and cruel.She treated Snow White badly.在很久很久以前，有一個(gè)皇后，她有一個(gè)名叫白雪公主的可愛女兒。在這個(gè)孩子出生不久，皇后就去世了。國王娶了另外一個(gè)皇后，這個(gè)后媽很妒忌別人和殘忍。她對待白雪公主的態(tài)度非常壞。公主:(出場,)唱：【I'm a cute cute girl with a bad bad mom.It's a big big thing if you love me.選自big big world】My horror mother always obliges me, such a beautiful，handsome，humor，smart，lovely，kind princess to do a lot of homework…oh I cannot bear it.So I just make a brilliant decision: running away(離開)我恐怖的后媽總是逼我這樣一個(gè)美麗，帥氣，幽默，聰明，可愛，善良的公主去做很多的作業(yè)……噢，我不能忍受了。所以，我就做了一個(gè)很明智的選擇：離開這里。皇后(上場)：I’m the legendary cruel queen , oh，no，it’sthe legendary beautiful、greedy、bloody queen.If anyone is more beautiful than me, I’ll kill her.I have a magic mirror.If I want to know something, It will tell me surely.Now, mirror, mirror, come here!我就是傳授中殘忍的皇后，噢，不，是傳說中美麗，貪婪、嗜血的皇后。如果有人比我更美麗，我就會(huì)殺了她。我有一個(gè)魔鏡，如果我想知道一些東邪，它一定會(huì)告訴我?，F(xiàn)在，魔鏡，魔鏡，來這里！

魔鏡：（跑上來，雙手叉腰）Yes, I’m coming.What do you want to know?是的，我來了，你想知道些什么？ 皇后：Mirror, mirror, on the wall.Tell me the truth, who is the most beautiful woman in the world?咒語，告訴我真相，誰是世界上最美麗的女人？

魔鏡： You are really the fairest of all, I think.皇后，我想你的確是非常漂亮的女人。

皇后：General（舉雙手）哈哈哈！哈哈哈！I am the most beautiful woman in the world!一般啦，哈哈哈哈哈哈，我是世界上最美麗的女人！

魔鏡： But,nevertheless,however,whereas,（邊說邊退，舉手擋住臉）there is a young lady.She is as white as snow, as red as rose and as black as ebony.She is much more beautiful than you.可是，可是,，可是，有一個(gè)年輕的女士，她就是白雪公主，紅得如玫瑰，黑得如烏木。她比你美麗更多倍！皇后：（抓狂樣）：She is much more beautiful than me? Who is she? Tell me quickly!她比我更美麗得多？她是誰？快點(diǎn)告訴我

魔鏡：I say again.She is Snow White.我再說一次，她是白雪公主。

皇后：Snow White? No, I’m the most beautiful in the world.……（沉思）（響指）hunter！come here, come here!白雪公主？不，我是世界上最美麗的人……獵人，來這里，來這里！

獵人： Here?。ň炊Y 少息立正）我在這里！

皇后：I heard Snow White haddisappearance from my palace.I order you to find her out and kill her.我聽說白雪公主從我的地盤消失了，我命令你去把她找出來，然后殺掉她。

獵人：But she is the princess.Even given money, I would not do such immoral things.但是她是公主，即使給錢，我也不會(huì)做這樣不道德的事情。

皇后：（抽出鈔票，揮著下臺(tái)）

獵人：（兩眼發(fā)直，追隨鈔票）Oh money！噢，錢?。」骱瞳C人上場。第二場

獵人：You must be Snow White.你一定是白雪公主！

公主和獵人追逐半場。Although I don’t have the heart to kill you,but，your mother want me to.(拿刀欲刺狀)雖然我沒有要?dú)⒛愕男?，但是你媽媽想我這樣做。

公主：（雙手合于胸前）My dear hunter, I admire you just like the yellow river, never endless.I have eighty-year-old mother up, three-year-old boy down.Please don’t kill me.Give me the life, please!我親愛的獵人，我對你的敬意有如滔滔江水連綿不絕。我上有老，下有小。請別殺我，給我一條活路吧！獵人：No way.Give me your life.(舉刀刺向公主，忽然，捂住自己的肚子，自語)Maybe I ate too much this morning，Maybe there is something wrong with the rice.(抬頭)where is the toilet?不行，把你的生命給我?；蛟S我今天早上吃太多了，或許米飯有點(diǎn)問題。哪里有廁所？ 公主：T-o-i-l-e-t-? 獵人：WC.廁所。

公主：W-C-? 獵人：（急）WC！Are you happy to hear such rude words?廁所??！你很開心聽到這樣粗如的單詞嗎？ 公主：I know, I know.Turn left, left and left.我知道，我知道，轉(zhuǎn)左，轉(zhuǎn)左，再轉(zhuǎn)左 第三場

旁白：Princess continued to begin her life of escaping.A week later.In the night which you can’t see your five fingers if you stretch out your hand, there was a small girls running panic in the dark forest公主又繼續(xù)開始逃亡的生活。在一個(gè)伸手不見五指的夜里，漆黑的森林里有一個(gè)小女孩驚慌的跑著。公主：（上場，跑圈）Help！救命！

旁白：Snow White Looked haggard and weared rags running unceasingly Suddenly,she found a little house.她衣衫襤褸，面色憔悴，不時(shí)地回頭張望，腳下卻不敢停留。忽然間，她發(fā)現(xiàn)前面有一座小房子.（公主伸手求救狀，推門）

公主：Eat!Bread should!Apple also！wa kao!Leaves also can’t be left out.吃的！面包也要！蘋果也要！我kao，菜葉子也不放過！旁白:The Snow White was sitting on the chair eating crazily.Half an hour later.公主坐在椅子上開吃，半小時(shí)過去。公主：（打嗝）

旁白：After eating and drinking,she felt very weary and wanted to have a rest.So she quikly fell asleep.吃過喝過之后，她覺得非常疲倦，想休息休息，就很快就睡著了……

旁白： When it was dark, the owners of the cottage came back.They were seven dwarfs.They were digging treasure in the mountain.不久，房子的主人們回來了，他們是七個(gè)在山里小矮人.（小矮人上）

：Turn left（眾人隨便轉(zhuǎn)）Number off（眾人胡報(bào)）向左~轉(zhuǎn)！報(bào)數(shù)！: oh my god……

：I’m the Happy.I’m the happiest person in the world.我是快樂的。我是世界上最幸福的人。：I’m the Sneezy.If I sneeze, the earth will shake.我是打噴嚏。如果我打噴嚏，地球會(huì)動(dòng)搖。：Look, the lamp in our house is on!看，我們房子里有燈亮著?。篧ho is in it?誰在里面？ ：Perhaps it’s the ghost!或許是鬼！

：Let’s go into our cottage silently.讓我們一起靜靜地進(jìn)去。：（踢門，看到公主喊）Dinosaur!（拉手，蹭入）恐龍！

：Dinosaur!beat!恐龍！打！

公主：Don’t beat me in my face!Don’t beat me in my face!別打我臉，別打我臉~~ ：（拿燈照公主狀）

旁白： When dwarfs was holding the candle and let the light fall on little snow-white.They all cried out with astonishment.當(dāng)小矮人手持蠟燭，并讓團(tuán)小小的雪白的光下降。他們都驚訝地叫了出來。：Stop（眾人后跳一步，公主起，望眾人）停！

：Wa!Beaty!What a lovely child!How beautiful!哇，美女！多么可愛的小孩！多美麗?。。篧ho are you?你是誰？

: Where are you from？你從哪里來？

: Why are you coming here?你為什么要到這里？

公主：Ladies and gentlemen.I am Snow White.I am 16 years old.Now I am on kindergarten and still not married.The truth is that先生們，女士們。我叫白雪公主，今年15歲，上幼稚園，還沒有結(jié)婚。事情其實(shí)這樣的…… 旁白：Princess told the whole process of the story to the dwarfs.Then the dwarfs began to discuss wether

to keep Snow White back.公主把事情的經(jīng)過告訴了矮人們此時(shí)，七個(gè)小矮人討論是否留下白雪公主 公主：（欲聽眾人決定，雙手放在耳朵處）

：It is a deal!Where there is difficulty,there is help!Even if there doesn’t have any difficulty,we nust make one and go to help!就這么辦！有困難要幫，沒有困難，制造困難也要幫呀~~~~ : If you do some cooking for us.If you make the beds for us.如果你可以為我們煮飯，為我們鋪床。

：If you do some washing, you can stay with us.如果你可以為我們洗衣服，你就可以留在這里，同我們一起居住。

：But you must be careful.但是你要小心！

：Don’t go out.Don’t let anyone come in.Your stepmother will find you and kill you.不要出去，不要讓任何人進(jìn)來，你的后媽會(huì)把你找到然后殺了你。

公主：You are so kind to me!你們對我太好了！

旁白：From then on, Snow White kept the house.When the three dwarfs came back, she had everything prepared.On the other hand, the queen didn’t receive the hunter’s information.She was anxious.從此，白雪公主就住在了小屋里。另一方面，皇后等不到獵人的消息，她很急。第四場

皇后上場

旁白：The wicked queen took out the mirror。邪惡的王后拿出魔鏡。魔鏡上場。

皇后：（蹭魔鏡）Mirror, mirror on the wall, who is the most beautiful in the world?咒語，誰是世界上最美麗的人？

魔鏡： You are the most beautiful in the world.But, however, whereas, nevertheless , Snow White is still alive and well.（一邊擺手，退，逃）She lives with the seven dwarfs.No one is more beautiful than she.你是世界上最美麗的人，但是，但是，但是，白雪公主還活著，她跟七個(gè)小矮人住在一起，沒有人比她更美麗。皇后：（抓頭）No!Snow White must die.I had to let her disappear in the world.keep calm, Let me see!（皇后站起）Ok,I get one！不，白雪公主必須死，我必須讓她在世界上消失。保持冷靜，讓我想想！好，我想到一個(gè)辦法了！

旁白：The queen made a poisonous apple and dressed herself like an old woman.She came to the cottage.王后做了有毒的蘋果和一個(gè)老婦人打扮自己。她來到了山寨。

皇后：Good things to sell.Pretty things to sell.Cheap.Very cheap.有好東西賣，有好東西賣，便宜啊，非常便宜的。

公主：Hi, my good lady.What do you sell?你好，我親愛的女士，你要賣什么？

皇后：Apples.Very delicious apples!Do you want to have a taste?蘋果，很美味的蘋果！你想試一下嗎？ 公主：Do you have anycarrots?你有胡蘿卜嗎？ 皇后：Do you want some apples?你想要一些蘋果嗎？ 公主：Do you have any carrots?你有胡蘿卜么？

皇后：（大聲）My question is that: Do you have any carrots?Oh,no,no，no，Do you want some apples?我要問的問題是：你有一些胡蘿卜嗎？噢，不，不，不，是你想要些蘋果嗎？ 公主：Oh，apple……Do you have any carrots?噢，你有些胡蘿卜嗎？（皇后逼近公主，把蘋果塞在公主嘴里）

公主：（正經(jīng)狀）It is poisonous!（閉眼，倒，坐椅子上）它是有毒的！

（皇后大笑）哈哈哈！哈哈哈！Now I’m the most beautiful in the world.I have a dream today!I have a dream that one day，I can be the most beautiful woman in the world.現(xiàn)在我是世界上美麗的人，我的夢想實(shí)現(xiàn)了，我的夢想有實(shí)現(xiàn)的一天，我成為世界上最美麗的人了！

旁白：Sn ow White's death is like a star across the midnight.After so many years whenever I look up to the lonely night sky。When the seven dwarfs came from work.They were greatly surprise to see Snow White

dead.白雪公主的死就像流星劃過子夜，多年后每當(dāng)我仰望寂寞的星空，總會(huì)想起這樣一句話：“有的人的死重于泰山，而有的人的死則輕于鴻毛，輕于鴻毛……當(dāng)七個(gè)小矮人下班回來，他們非常驚訝的看到白雪公主死了。

旁白： Although Snow White had been dead a long, long time.But she looked as if she was living.She looked as white as snow, as red as rose and as black as ebony.However, one day, a prince came to the seven dwarfs’ house.When he saw Snow White, he fell in love with her.雖然白雪公主死了很長時(shí)間，但是她看起來還是活生生的。她看起來白的如雪，紅的如玫瑰，黑的如烏木。但是，有一天，一個(gè)王子來到了七個(gè)小矮人的房子前。當(dāng)他看見了白雪公主，他就愛上了她 第五場

王子：Please, let me marry Snow White.I love her.I want her to be my wife.請讓我娶白雪公主，我愛她，我想她成為我的妻子。

:May I have your name,please?我能知道你的名字嗎？ 王子:(從兜里掏出一卷衛(wèi)生紙遞給B):(看到)I’m very busy for the duels every day——The Texas Cowboy.我每天都很忙——德州牛仔。:But why should we believe you?但是我們?yōu)槭裁匆嘈拍隳兀?/p>

王子:I love her.I love this life will not be a second girl.我愛她，我不會(huì)再像愛她一樣愛第二個(gè)女孩。

:But she is dead.While we don’t want to admit that she was dead。但是她已經(jīng)死了，雖然我們不想承認(rèn)，但她已經(jīng)死了

王子:(朝公主深情地看了看，抓住她的手)I would like to

become a

fairy tale the angel you love, open arms into wings to protect you, you have to believe, believe we will be like a fairy tale, happiness and joy in the end.我要變成童話里你愛的那個(gè)天使，展開雙手變成翅膀守護(hù)你，你要相信，相信我們會(huì)像童話故事里，幸福和快樂是結(jié)局。旁白：Snow White came to her life,as was written in the magic book of the wicked queen.But she turned into a tigress.白雪公主蘇醒過來了，就像邪惡的皇后的魔法書一樣神奇。但是她轉(zhuǎn)變成了一個(gè)母老虎的性格。公主:Oh,who destroyed my dreams!I feel very angry!噢，是誰吵醒了我們美夢！我感到很生氣！王子: Please forgive me, noble princess.It’s me.請饒恕我，高貴的公主，是我。

旁白: princess fanned a slap in the face of the prince.The seven dwarfs ran away.公主給了王子一個(gè)耳光，七個(gè)小矮人逃走了。

ABCDEFG: Dear Prince, we give you princess.(逃走)親愛的王子，我把公主讓給你！(白雪公主扯著王子的耳朵離開)

旁白: Later, the prince and Snow White married.But the prince's life is very tragic.最后，王子和公主結(jié)婚了，但是王子的生活卻格外的凄慘！謝幕！

第五篇：孔雀東南飛搞笑劇本劇本

《孔雀東南飛》劇本

旁白：東漢末建安年間，廬江太守衙門里的小官吏焦仲卿的妻子劉蘭芝被焦仲卿的母親趕回娘家，她回娘家后發(fā)誓不再嫁人。她的娘家逼迫她改嫁，她便投水死了。焦仲卿聽到蘭芝投水而死這件事，也在自家庭院的樹上吊死了。當(dāng)時(shí)的人哀悼他們.寫下這首詩記述這件事。；【孔雀鳥向東南方向飛去，飛上五里便徘徊一陣】

劉蘭芝: 大家好!我就是傳說中美貌與智慧并重、溫柔與體貼的化身----劉蘭芝我十三能織布,十四學(xué)裁衣,十五彈箜篌,十六誦詩書……

焦母:(拄拐上場,吼道)你死哪去了!還不趕緊去做飯!

蘭芝:(低眉順眼并給婆婆行禮)婆婆……我這就去給您做飯?今天咱們吃面條,行么?

焦母:(面朝天,生氣狀)面條……面條,太滑!

蘭芝:(委曲求全)那……那……咱們吃包子?

焦母:(頓了頓拐)包子??！包子,太膩!

蘭芝:(聲音哽咽)那……吃餅成不?

焦母:(白了蘭芝一眼)不行!不行!烙餅太硬!

蘭芝:(淚水溢滿眼眶,強(qiáng)忍不流)那婆婆,你想吃什么,我去給您做。

焦母:(怒斥)算了吧！你這個(gè)笨婆娘！我們焦家怎么娶了你？連飯都做不好！下去吧！算了，快下去……真煩死人了！

（蘭芝黯然轉(zhuǎn)身，坐在椅子上哭，焦母下場，蘭芝轉(zhuǎn)身坐在椅子上哭，仲卿上）

仲卿：（遠(yuǎn)行剛回家，看見蘭芝在哭，急忙放下行李作揖到她面前安慰道）娘子，你這是怎么了？（急切）

蘭芝: 相公幾日不見，你又消瘦了！

仲卿：娘子更堪憔悴，母親又說你來吧！娘子受苦了！

蘭芝:(蘭芝低頭沉默接著說)只怕……只怕……母親是不會(huì)留我了!

仲卿：娘子莫擔(dān)心,我不會(huì)讓你離開我的!待我再向母親求情!(焦下)

(仲卿一邊走一邊猶豫,經(jīng)過一番思考,他終于來到母親的房門,焦母正襟危坐于前焦上前去一鞠躬)

仲卿：母親啊!你看蘭芝她溫柔體貼,對您恭敬孝順,你為什么總是不滿意呢?

焦母: 乖兒子,聽話?那種女人不要也罷!娘再給你找一個(gè)好媳婦。喏……東家有個(gè)芙蓉姐姐，名叫秦羅敷 娘看她是人見人愛，花見花開，車見車爆胎，她和你啊，真是龍配龍，鳳配鳳，老鼠配臭蟲！

仲卿：??！

焦母: 青蛙配恐龍！

仲卿：啊！

焦母: 奧……不對!美女配英雄!

仲卿：不,孩兒已和蘭芝立下山盟海誓、相伴終生,我是風(fēng)兒,她是沙,我是葉兒她是花,我是……

焦母: 夠了,你放了肆了,大了膽了,有能耐了是不是,我的話也不聽,說不行!就不行!你們倆立馬斷交,立刻!馬上!

(焦抱著頭,仲卿被母親趕了出來,滿臉沮喪的來到蘭芝屋里)

仲卿：(深情的)娘子

蘭芝: 相公無須多言,小女子什么都明白了。

仲卿：蘭芝你先放心回家，等我把母親搞定了，就來接你！

蘭芝: 相公……【唱 我舍不得…可是時(shí)間回不去了】

仲卿：（感動(dòng)有感而發(fā)）如果我有一千萬，我就能買一棟房子，我有一千萬么？沒有！所以我沒有買。如果我有翅膀，我就能飛，我有翅膀么？沒有！所以我不會(huì)飛。如果我能等一個(gè)人，！是的！我能！如果要在這個(gè)時(shí)間上加一個(gè)期限的話，我愿意是一萬年！【唱愛你一萬年…】

蘭芝:（感動(dòng)流淚狀）啥也別說了，感情都在酒里了!【拿個(gè)杯子喝交杯酒】

旁白:(分別依依不舍,蘭芝帶著仲卿的希望回到家中,可是!到了家門口,她想到自己被休,不禁又感到害怕)

蘭芝:(害怕狀)母親……母親!我回來了!

蘭芝母:(十分生氣,十分吃驚)你真是放了肆了!大了膽了!有能耐了!是不是!被人休了!還好意思回來!說!為什么被休呀!

蘭芝: 我沒做錯(cuò)什么?是仲卿她娘看我不順眼,就把我趕回來了!(同情狀并輕輕挽著女兒的手)

蘭芝母:(理解狀)原來是這樣呀!女兒呀!你真是命苦呀!你先回房休息吧!別太傷心!

蘭芝:(應(yīng)答)那娘我先回房休息了。

旁白:（蘭芝被休的消息很快傳了出去，幾天后的一個(gè)月明高照的晚上，縣令家的三公子出來賞月，不知不覺來到了劉府）

三少爺:(君望月)今天的月亮真圓呀!就像燒餅,就是芝麻少了點(diǎn)?呀!蘭芝家的燈還開著,難道她也在賞月?正好!趁現(xiàn)在!……唱:今夜我又來到你的窗前,窗簾上你的影子多么可愛,默默的愛了你這么多年,今夜我要向你……表白……

蘭芝: 仲卿……仲卿!是你么?

三少爺:(痛苦狀)不!我是府君!

蘭芝:(變色冷冷地說)是你呀!你來做什么!

三少爺: 蘭芝,有一句話很早就想對你說了,其實(shí)……其實(shí)……我很……

蘭芝: 你還是走吧!我的心今生今世只屬于一個(gè)人!奧!仲卿……(抬頭望著天空表示天真)我的愛人!你在哪里?

三少爺: 蘭芝……蘭芝!我一定會(huì)讓你嫁給我的!

旁白:(第二天,縣令派媒人到劉府提親 [媒婆上場]

媒婆: 終于輪到我了,各位觀眾!我就是前無古人、后無來者、馳名中外的跨世紀(jì)金牌媒人----鐵尺銅牙“小甜甜”創(chuàng)業(yè)數(shù)十年來，憑俺沉魚落雁、閉月羞花之貌、能起死回生的三寸不爛之舌，促成了多少美好姻緣，連月老前天還說，要拜俺為師呢？哈！哈！哈！哈！哎吆！……到了！（走到門前敲門）叮咚……

劉母: 誰呀!誰呀!來了!來了!(開門)你找誰呀!阿婆?

媒婆: 哎吆!看你說的!人家可是黃花大閨女?(同時(shí)做手勢 羞澀拿手絹[沒有手絹拿衛(wèi)生紙代替]擋著臉)劉母: 奧!對不起!那你有事么?姑娘!

媒婆: 是這樣的,縣令家的三公子,看上你們家的劉姑娘了,他對她是一見鐘情、越陷越深、茶飯不思、水米不進(jìn),葉縣令特意派我來提親的!劉母: 蘭芝……蘭芝!她……

媒婆: 你還猶豫什么?這可是葉家的三公子呀!那人長得絕了!才十八歲!正當(dāng)壯年!尤其是!那張嘴,特能白活【河南話……】

劉母: 不是這個(gè)問題呀!是……

媒婆: 那是什么問題!你們家不就是想嫁個(gè)有錢人嗎?這不是你們想要的有錢人嗎?

劉母: 那我去問問蘭芝吧!蘭芝…… 蘭芝: 娘,有事嗎?

劉母: 閨女呀!葉家來提親了,你意見如何呀?

蘭芝: 娘呀!我不想嫁給三少爺,我和仲卿分開的時(shí)候,約定好了!我不嫁呀!劉母: 我看人家條件不錯(cuò)!就嫁了吧!那個(gè)焦仲卿還不一定回來接你呢?

蘭芝: 我曾與仲卿許下諾言，除非海水變黃金，滿天掉餡餅，不然永不相棄的，還是算了罷。劉母: 唉!

媒婆: 說什么呢?真是彪死人了!不嫁算了!可別后悔!(轉(zhuǎn)身拿出手機(jī)給三公子打電話)

媒婆: 哈羅呀!三公子呀!

三少爺: 怎么樣?搞定了沒有呀?

媒婆: 哎呀!…小女子對不住您啊!俺把公子您的風(fēng)流瀟灑都說盡了，可那小娘子竟然是王八吃秤砣鐵了心啊，她要和那個(gè)那個(gè)什么焦的永不相棄啊……

三少爺: 我暈!就這樣你還鐵齒銅牙呢？飯桶，一群飯桶！還是待本公子親自出馬！(掛機(jī))蘭芝:(蘭芝一個(gè)人在家里,對著墻壁不禁又想起了仲卿)君當(dāng)做磐石,妾當(dāng)做蒲葦,蒲葦紉如絲,磐石無轉(zhuǎn)移(思念狀)山無棱天地和,才敢與君決。仲卿你知道我在想你嗎?

劉兄: 哎呀,哎呀!喜事呀,天大的喜事呀!蘭芝,太守府今日來提親了,這可是天大的喜訊呀!蘭芝: 哥,我不嫁!

劉兄: 什么!(大怒)你傻了不是,這么好的婚事你還要拒絕,人家沒嫌你,就是你這兒輩子修來的福了,你還……

蘭芝: 哥,你甭說了,我死也不同意!

劉兄: 你……你,你怎么就這么不開竅呀!你想啊!你若嫁給府君!就會(huì)有享不盡的榮華富貴,我還可以弄個(gè)官來做做,可你……

蘭芝: 我不在乎這些!【場景轉(zhuǎn)換】

三少爺: 涼風(fēng)有信,秋月無邊,思嬌之情,度日如年啊!我雖不是高大威猛,風(fēng)流倜儻,但我有廣闊的胸襟加強(qiáng)勁的臂膀。（路上遇見蘭芝）哇噻!美女!(激動(dòng)上前擁抱,蘭芝躲開,三公子抱住劉兄,急忙松開)

劉兄: 哎呀!這不是三公子嗎?蘭芝還不來拜見三公子!(蘭芝不安,上前作揖)三少爺: 蘭芝美眉…一日不見,如三秋兮,你讓我等的好苦啊!

蘭芝: 三公子請自重,奴家已有意中人,我與仲卿立下山盟海誓,終生相伴。我是風(fēng)兒，他是沙。我是牙膏，他是刷。我是烏龜，他是青蛙。

三少爺: 你是天鵝，他是癩蛤蟆!那個(gè)焦什么卿的，??！有我?guī)泦?有我有錢嗎?有我這么有品味嗎?有當(dāng)縣令的老爹罩著嗎?

劉兄: 就是,就是!想我們?nèi)?才高八斗,學(xué)富五車高大威猛英俊瀟灑,號(hào)稱一顆青松壓海棠……三公子不要著急,是我們家蘭芝糊涂,這門親事咱們做定了!蘭芝: 我不嫁!

劉兄: 閉嘴,你嫁也得嫁,不嫁也得嫁!

蘭芝: 你……(無奈)

三少爺: 如此最好了!娘子,小生就待擇日來迎娶你了。(唱)你要是嫁人不要嫁給別人一定要嫁給我。哈哈…

旁白:(蘭芝想到自己將要嫁給府君,就坐立不安,不知不覺走出家門,卻正好看到聞?dòng)嵹s來的仲卿)

蘭芝: 仲卿!

仲卿：蘭芝!

蘭芝: 你……來晚了,明天我將成為別人的新娘了!

仲卿：真是可喜可賀呀,磐石方且厚,可以卒千年!蒲葦一時(shí)紉,便做旦夕間。你就要做葉家少奶奶了,還說什么諾言呀!(生氣)

蘭芝: 唉!你又何必如此呢!同樣是被逼的,這世道不容我們,那我們來世再見。

仲卿：不求同年同月同日生,但求同年同月同日死(深情狀)

蘭芝: 在天愿做比翼鳥，在地愿為連理枝（深情狀）

仲卿與蘭芝: 我們來世再見!

仲卿回到家 與母親說道：母親，兒子要先走一步，你不要太想念我，要是想的慌 我會(huì)回來看看你的 祝您身體健康 壽比南山 【抹淚狀】

母親【驚嚇 悲傷狀】：兒子你不要這么忍心拋下我 世間女子這么多 你何必在一棵樹上吊死呢 東邊有個(gè)不錯(cuò)的美眉 我去幫你提親 她肯定不會(huì)拒絕的 【仲卿拒絕了母親 回到房間嘆息】

旁白:(天亮了母親又來催了,葉家的花轎已經(jīng)來了,蘭芝終于下定決心)

蘭芝:(痛苦狀)為什么我的命這么苦!相愛的人不能在一起?唉!仲卿我去了。（于是跳湖自盡）

旁白:(仲卿聽到蘭芝自殺的消息后,急忙跑出房門)

仲卿：蘭芝,你真的自殺了,好!我們地下相見吧!等我!【上吊身亡】

旁白:(就這樣相愛的人被分開,甜蜜的家被撤散,美滿的幸福被沖淡……焦劉兩家喪子之痛無法挽回，他們將仲卿與蘭芝的尸體和葬在華山之上，在墳?zāi)沟臇|西種上松柏，南北種上梧桐，枝葉相互交錯(cuò)，異常茂盛，在樹叢中棲生著一對飛鳥，名叫鴛鴦。白天，行人聽了他們的叫聲駐足靜聽；夜晚，寡婦聽了他們的叫聲，起床彷徨。再三警告后人，要從這件事中取得教訓(xùn)，萬萬不能忘！)