第一篇：《內(nèi)向者優(yōu)勢》讀后感

《內(nèi)向者優(yōu)勢》讀后感

推薦內(nèi)向的朋友，或者覺得自己的孩子是內(nèi)向的朋友看。也許會有收獲。

書是戰(zhàn)隼的微信公眾賬號推薦的，立刻找來看，幾乎一氣呵成地看完。覺得寫得很不錯，推薦給我認為典型內(nèi)向性格的劉兄。劉兄看了以后大呼寫得太到位，贊“這是我近期看的最有價值的一本書”。他說“這本書讓我少了很多糾結，我想對自己今后的行為方式都會有很大的影響”。

作者說，外向和內(nèi)向的人的比例是3:1，所以這是個外向人占主導的世界。在這樣的世界里，內(nèi)向的人該如何更好地生活？這就是本書要解決的問題。作者自己就是一個典型的內(nèi)向的人，在書中，她幾乎一直說“我們”如何如何。這種第一人稱的敘述，極大地拉進了和讀者的距離，讀起來非常真實。偶爾有些描述和我吻合的，我也覺得分外親切，直擊內(nèi)心。

在閱讀的過程中，我一直將作者提及的各種內(nèi)向的標準來衡量自己以及身邊的人。經(jīng)常有驚艷的感覺：說的太準了！不過次數(shù)多了，我也警覺起來。發(fā)現(xiàn)作者描述內(nèi)向者特質(zhì)的方式很像是星象學家在描述星座的特點，很容易對號入座，但深究起來又會發(fā)現(xiàn)這種描述是模糊的、沒有指向性的。到底是心靈雞湯還是客觀描述？讀完以后，我想我還是傾向于后者。

作者認為，性格內(nèi)向和外向的人最大的差別有四點：精力的來源、精力的恢復、對刺激的反應，以及他們對知識和經(jīng)驗的接近方式。

性格內(nèi)向的人，從他們的內(nèi)在世界，如思想、情緒和觀念中獲得精力；對外界的刺激比較敏感，有意識地或無意識地從外部世界吸收信息，如果他們不減少來自外部世界的刺激，他們內(nèi)在的思想、情感和印象就永遠也不能上升到外部；在積累知識和經(jīng)驗時，喜歡進行窄一點、深入。性格外向的人的精力的來源是外部世界——如各種各樣的社交活動、形形色色的人們、不同的場合和事物；因多種多樣的刺激而獲得這樣那樣的成功；性格外向的人通過講話進行思考，他們需要另外的人聽著他們講話，以整理自己的想法和情感，他們可能不需要對方的回答；在積累知識和經(jīng)驗時，一般會將網(wǎng)撒得很開……性格內(nèi)向的人比性格外向的人有較多的血液流向大腦。性格內(nèi)向和性格外向的人，其血液流動的通路是不同的。

而其中，最為顯著的差別是精力的恢復。不管在人前表現(xiàn)得怎樣，恢復精力的基本方法表明了誰性格內(nèi)向而誰性格外向。比如，辛苦工作一天，你是愿意和朋友一起去吃個飯唱個歌，還是獨自回家洗個熱水澡，安安靜靜看看書聽聽音樂上上網(wǎng)睡一大覺呢？如果選擇前者，你基本就是外向型；如果選擇后者，那你多半是內(nèi)向的人了。

——對這點判斷我是存疑的。忙了一天累得像條狗，大部分人應該都想回家躺在沙發(fā)上不動彈吧？雖然不排除有精力旺盛白天拼命工作，晚上夜生活也豐富多彩的人，但就我觀察這樣的人并不多。而且，這里面更大的差異不是內(nèi)向還是外向，而是身體素質(zhì)和體力吧！這個問題我跟劉兄探討了，他倒是頗為認同作者，大致的邏輯是：外向的人精力更旺盛一些，內(nèi)向的人更容易疲憊一些。照這么推理的話，對體力要求比較高的工作，比如運動員，是不是不適合內(nèi)向的人呢？好像也不是這樣。也許我需要更多內(nèi)向的朋友現(xiàn)身說法。

最有趣的是書的第三章，作者指出，性格外向的人需要多巴胺的伙伴，腎上腺素，它從交感神經(jīng)系統(tǒng)的活動中釋放出來，使大腦中具有更多的多巴胺。所以，性格外向的人越活躍，就會越快樂。另外一方面，性格內(nèi)向的人對多巴胺卻是高度的敏感。太多的多巴胺使他們感到刺激太多。性格內(nèi)向的人，在他們較占優(yōu)勢的神經(jīng)傳導通路上使用的是一種完全不同的神經(jīng)遞質(zhì)，乙酰膽堿。乙酰膽堿是使我們的記憶機器性能良好的潤滑油。當它用干后，機器就會變得不靈活。性格內(nèi)向的人需要一個多巴胺既不要太多也不要太少、乙酰膽堿處于較好的水平的有限的范圍，以使他們感到平靜，以及沒有壓抑和焦慮。這是一個讓人感到很舒適，但卻太小的區(qū)域?？傊?，性格外向的人與多巴胺/腎上腺素、精力消耗、交感神經(jīng)系統(tǒng)相聯(lián)系，性格內(nèi)向的人與乙酰膽堿、精力儲備和副交感神經(jīng)系統(tǒng)相聯(lián)系。乙酰膽堿可以增加注意力、記憶力和幸福感，使用乙酰膽堿的神經(jīng)傳導通路支配著性格內(nèi)向的人?？雌饋矸浅Ｓ锌茖W感。

我上網(wǎng)搜索了多巴胺、腎上腺素、乙酰膽堿、交感神經(jīng)、副交感神經(jīng)等關鍵詞。簡單地說“多巴胺、腎上腺素、乙酰膽堿”都是神經(jīng)傳導物質(zhì)，多巴胺主要負責大腦的情欲，感覺，將興奮及開心的信息傳遞，也與上癮有關【當我們積極做某事時，腦中會非?；罱j的分泌出大量多巴胺荷爾蒙。它是一種使人類引起欲望的荷爾蒙，但多巴胺分泌過量會過度消耗體力和熱量，導致早死。】；當人經(jīng)歷某些刺激（例如興奮，恐懼，緊張等），分泌出腎上腺素，能讓人呼吸加快（提供大量氧氣），心跳與血液流動加速，瞳孔放大，為身體活動提供更多能量，使反應更加快速。乙酰膽堿在腦健康方面扮演一個核心角色，不同神經(jīng)功能都需要乙酰膽堿，但它對大腦的某些部分尤其重要。(004km.cn)例如，涉及記憶，學習和情緒等方面的大腦部分都需要使用乙酰膽堿。此外，選擇，思考到集中注意力等腦功能也需要它。交感神經(jīng)的功能可被概括為“Fight or Flight”（戰(zhàn)斗或逃走）。交感神經(jīng)主要作用于平滑肌和腺細胞。交感神經(jīng)興奮會引起腹腔內(nèi)臟及皮膚末梢血管收縮、心率加快，心臟收縮能力增強、瞳孔散大和新陳代謝率上升等。副交感神經(jīng)的主要功能是使瞳孔縮小，心跳減慢，皮膚和內(nèi)臟血管舒張，小支氣管收縮，胃腸蠕動加強，括約肌松弛，唾液和淚液分泌增多，男性生殖器的勃起等?？陀^來說，多巴胺、腎上腺素、乙酰膽堿各有各的功能；交感神經(jīng)和副交感神經(jīng)也共同支配大部分的器官受到兩者的，大部分情況下，兩者相互拮抗（例外：唾液分泌），因而可以實現(xiàn)對該器官的精細調(diào)節(jié)，實現(xiàn)內(nèi)環(huán)境的穩(wěn)態(tài)。為什么說“性格外向的人需要多巴胺的伙伴，腎上腺素”而“性格內(nèi)向的人對多巴胺卻是高度的敏感”？這種需求和敏感性是天生的嘛？是人體組織結構造成的嘛？那人的內(nèi)向和外向就是天生的了？內(nèi)向還是外向不是性格的不同，而是人腦組織結構（對外界的刺激反應）的不同？另外，這種大腦的應激性的不同，是怎么產(chǎn)生的呢？天生的么？跟遺傳有關系么？還有，這種應激性是否可以改變呢？如果不可以改變，那么是不是一個人是內(nèi)向還是外向就是不可改變的？如果可以改變，怎么才能改變呢？說實話，這部分沒讀懂。

之所以找這本書來看，還是因為母親的角色。我自己是個外向的人，孩子他爸內(nèi)向。孩子給我的感覺應該是內(nèi)向的，但我又不是很肯定。本來想借這本書來判斷一下的，似乎還是無法下結論。作者在書中說，如果性格內(nèi)向的人在一個其他家庭成員的性格都很外向的家庭情境中長大，或是在父母雖然性格內(nèi)向但感到不應該內(nèi)向的家庭情境中長大，孩子們就會體驗到要作為一個“性格外向、好交際的人”所帶來的巨大壓力。作為一個比較外向活躍的媽，我不想給孩子這樣的壓力。哪怕孩子的確是一個（很）內(nèi)向的人，我也不希望強迫他改變什么。書中，作者給出了培養(yǎng)內(nèi)向孩子的一些方法，我覺得都是值得嘗試的。包括：要求您的孩子注意一下，完整的觀點、解決辦法和印象是在什么時候變得清晰起來的；很重要的是要幫助您的孩子，對他們大腦的工作方式有足夠的認識；讓孩子尋找可以與他們談話的知識豐富的人；當您的性格內(nèi)向的孩子還在小的時候，就要開始與他們談論：他們的身體和大腦是如何工作的，以及如何對之加以管理。為了思考、感覺和行動，我們的身體需要能量。

雖然我覺得自己整體上是偏外向型的人（其實我們身邊很少絕對內(nèi)向或絕對外向的人，一般都是“偏內(nèi)向”或“偏外向”），但作者提出的一些精力管理的建議，對我也是頗為適用的。比如，要避免精疲力竭。如果您感到焦躁不安，學習一些讓自己平靜下來的方法。比如，要保持精力充沛，重要的是要知道您自己的高潮和低潮——什么時候您工作最有效率，在各個項目上分配多少時間等。比如悅納自己，小步子地做事，找到自己的節(jié)奏和精力分配的方式等。

在工作、夫妻生活等方面，作者也給出了非常中肯的建議，看起來也很可行。

作者說：最重要的是，做真實的自己。作為父母，最重要的是，支持孩子做真實的自己，幫助他做最好的自己——這些其實對每個人、對每個孩子都是適用的。

最后，作者寫了幾句話送給內(nèi)向的人，我覺得很好，摘錄在這里。

享受生活，適當休息。

欣賞您的內(nèi)心世界。

做一個真實可信的人，珍視您的好奇心。

享受心境的和諧。

享受獨處。

對生活充滿感激。

做您自己。

記著，讓您的光芒灑向四方。

第二篇：內(nèi)向者優(yōu)勢讀書心得

內(nèi)向者優(yōu)勢

Carl Jung的內(nèi)向和外向理論是心理學中最為有名的類型論。由于心理學發(fā)展中的一些問題(如Freud在寫作自戀方面的文章時，開始將內(nèi)向用做消極的概念，其廣泛的影響使人們對內(nèi)向形成了錯誤的觀念)和社會文化對外向性格的偏愛，性格內(nèi)向在當今成為稍有貶義的詞匯，許多人羞于承認或憚于面對自己內(nèi)向的性格。

而《內(nèi)向者優(yōu)勢》打破常規(guī)，直面性格內(nèi)向這一問題，指出性格內(nèi)向有其固有的生理基礎，指出認可自己內(nèi)向性格的重要性。特別地，該書用大量事例生動形象地展示了性格內(nèi)向的種種優(yōu)勢和隱藏的潛力，如高度集中注意力的能力，觀察力，擺脫限制、思考問題的能力，作出不尋常決定的意志力，使外界放緩腳步的潛力，以及忠誠，富有創(chuàng)造性，富有新穎的想法和淵博的學識等。

《內(nèi)向者優(yōu)勢》是內(nèi)向性格方面的一本專著，可供心理學工作者和每一位對內(nèi)向性格感興趣的個人閱讀和思索。全書包括三部分共10章。

第一部分:“離水之魚”，包括第一章至第三章。第一章“什么是性格內(nèi)向?您也是性格內(nèi)向的人嗎?”介紹了性格內(nèi)向和性格外向的主要差別，及通過快速測驗或較長的性格內(nèi)向者自我評估問卷進行自我評價的方法。第二章“為什么性格內(nèi)向的人容易被誤解?”通過大量現(xiàn)實生活中的人物和文藝作品、電影、電視中的人物來例證指出，性格內(nèi)向的人不一定就是害羞、精神分裂或高度神經(jīng)過敏的人，并提出了罪惡感和羞恥感的解決辦法。第三章“脫穎而出的腦圖:我們天生就是性格內(nèi)向的嗎?”從基因、神經(jīng)傳導通路、神經(jīng)遞質(zhì)、右腦或左腦占優(yōu)勢等角度指出，性格內(nèi)向和性格外向都有其生理基矗

第二部分:“航行于外向性格的水域”，包括第四章至第七章，涉及婚姻、家庭、社交和工作幾方面的內(nèi)容。第四章“婚姻關系:和著音樂，翩翩起舞”，從約會談起，描述了三種性格類型相結合的婚姻關系，并指出了每一種結合類型的機遇、挑戰(zhàn)及矛盾的解決辦法。第五章“為人父母:他們已經(jīng)做好準備了嗎?”指出了判斷孩子是“性格內(nèi)向”還是“性格外向”的方法，以及幫助“性格內(nèi)向”和“性格外向”的孩子茁壯成長的方法。第六章“社交活動:您是聚會上的?傻子?還是?瘋子?？”詳盡地闡述了社交活動之前的思考和策略，社交場合中非常有用的七項非正式的社交策略，及離開的策略等。第七章“工作:朝九晚五的危險”生動形象地闡述了性格內(nèi)向的人如何散發(fā)一點自己的光芒，如何提高自己的言語技能，如何應對常見的幾種壓力，以及如何配合領導的工作等。

第三部分：“創(chuàng)造?正好合適的?生活”，包括第八章至第十章。第八章“三個P:個人的節(jié)奏、個人優(yōu)先考慮的事情和個人的邊界”從如標題所示的幾個方面闡釋了應對內(nèi)向性格、創(chuàng)造美好生活的方法。第九章“發(fā)展您的天性”從休息、呼吸、空間、光線及溫度、氣味、音樂、營養(yǎng)、睡眠、運動、朋友等諸多方面闡釋了培育自己這朵“郁金香”的方法。第十章“外傾:將您的光芒灑向四方”指出增強信心、打破常規(guī)、學會放松娛樂的重要性，并提出了可以使人盡可能輕松而又愉悅地實現(xiàn)外傾的一些非常有效的策略。

總之，該書圍繞“性格內(nèi)向的優(yōu)勢”具體闡釋了性格內(nèi)向的人的天性發(fā)展、工作生活、環(huán)境創(chuàng)造等諸多問題。該書體系完整、資料翔實、科學性強、富有創(chuàng)新性，且文字優(yōu)美流暢，適于閱讀和思索。該書有助于人們發(fā)揮出自身的潛能，利用內(nèi)向性格的優(yōu)勢在工作、生活中獲得真正的成功，從而創(chuàng)造美好的、“正好合適的”生活。

第三篇：《內(nèi)向性格者愛情指南》讀后感

《內(nèi)向性格者愛情指南》讀后感

小野公子

前段時間，我看了美國作家香農(nóng)。科拉柯夫斯基的《內(nèi)向性格者愛情指南》，看完以后路深有感觸。我們知道，隨著文化的拓展和傳播，不論是國內(nèi)還是國外，情專的書籍在近幾年頻頻上架，并充斥著整個主流市場，細心的你，稍微觀察一下就會發(fā)現(xiàn)，大部分作者都是喜歡結合情感案例在加之自己過往的認知和經(jīng)驗撰寫出一本又一本男女的、愛戀寶典，少有情感專家能結合心理學與性格分析等多重因素與個人角度系統(tǒng)的闡述戀愛受困的秘密，然而，香農(nóng)就是這樣一位與眾不同的作家。

不得不承認，不管我們多大年齡，是何國籍，是何膚色，是何種族，世界上的任何一個人，在內(nèi)心上其實都非常的渴望真愛，否則為什么會演繹出那么多的電影與電視劇本呢？與此同時，人類又是一個矛盾的糾結體，渴望真愛的同時又會產(chǎn)生害怕、焦慮、羞怯等多種消極的情緒，就如同一個渴望陪伴的人在獲得陪伴以后，又擔心失去自己的自由。因此，我們會得出一個結論：人類自身存在的感知與體驗往往會限制以及阻礙我們?nèi)ふ艺鎼邸?/p>

好在近幾年心理學、社會學、以及其他顯靈學、玄學等多門人文學科崛起與發(fā)展，不少人類學家、心理學家告訴我們，尋找真愛其實是有規(guī)律可以遵循的，愛情其實并非我們想象中來的那么神秘，它也并非是看不見摸不到的，只要你能遵照一定的方法去尋覓真愛，你會驚訝的發(fā)現(xiàn)，原來真愛離我們并不遙遠甚至真愛其實就在我們身邊，只是感知能力弱的我們，忽略掉了而已。

我認為，單身的人，尋覓真愛之前，必須要了解的三個真相：

第一、香農(nóng)說：你之所以尚未找到愛情，是因為，你與你焦慮的情緒的不良的關系從中作梗，它使你難以聽從自己內(nèi)心真正的感受，目標，價值觀，和欲望。

我認為，很多人無法找到自己心儀的對象，很大程度上，是與自身的心理因素有關，他們無法正確的平衡自己內(nèi)心的所思所想，當生活中出現(xiàn)了一個還能聊得來的對象時，因為自身的心理層面問題，例如：緊張、焦慮、躲避、多疑等情節(jié)就容易導致約會失敗或者約會不了了之。

其實，這個現(xiàn)象還是蠻常出現(xiàn)在我們的現(xiàn)實生活里的，此外，初次約會，不安的情緒每個人或多或少都會有，就好比，每個需要登臺演講的人內(nèi)心多多少少會出現(xiàn)緊張與焦慮不安的情緒，因為，人類身上都有有一種自卑的情節(jié)，他們擔心自己的表現(xiàn)不給力，會搞砸約會或者演講，但是，越是產(chǎn)生這種不安情緒，越容易搞砸一場約會或者其他的機會。所以，如果你能正確的面對自己焦慮與不安的心態(tài)，并能在狀況出現(xiàn)時，有效的引導，就會擺平它們給你帶來的困擾，心態(tài)建設，有助于你離尋找真愛，隨著自身心態(tài)的改變，容易度會大大的邁進一步。

第二：擺脫了焦慮因素以后，要做的事情，就是上面提到的，學會接受正念得引導。所謂的正念引導指的是，避免去想自己將來很有可能是自己一個人或者孤單一輩子的想法，因為很多時候，你心里想什么，很有可能就真的會發(fā)生些什么，正念引導的作用是讓你避開一些消極的情緒，并在心里給自己加油打氣，因為積極的、正念的引導不僅能讓人調(diào)節(jié)心態(tài)還能讓人有信心面對將來的困境與失意。我們常說，人要積極向上，擺正心態(tài)，和玄學上面“心想事成”等內(nèi)容有著相似之處，那就是，只有積極與陽光的一片，才能帶來好運與好事。

第三、學會正確的評估自己，選擇那個適合自己的那個人。評估自己的意義在于對自己有一個正確的認識，你是外向性格還是內(nèi)向性格，在婚戀上的價值是多少？能匹配到什么樣的人？你的個性是怎么樣的？有沒有屬于自己的鮮明特色？我想，單身的人士在找對象之前，都必須對自己的自身做一個了解測試，別小看這個測試，很多人其實是不了解自己的，俗話說：知己知彼，方能百戰(zhàn)百勝。你只有對自身有準確認知之后，才會有接下來的指向性目標，如果連自身都不了解，如同一頭霧水栽進大海，尋覓真愛無疑難上加難。

了解了以上三個基本的要素之后，我們就要開始發(fā)問了，那就是，對于單身人士，尋覓真愛倒吸需要怎么做？

很多人都認為，自己各個方面的條件都已經(jīng)成熟，但是不知道為什么，就是一直都遇不上那個對的人，他們百思不得其解，其實道理很并不難，那是因為，你只是心里想找對象，但卻沒有在行動上有任何的付出，自然而然，真愛不會那么輕易的跳到你的碗里面。

尋覓真愛，首先，我認為，我們必須要先在形象上打點好自己。前段時間，在微博上曾經(jīng)看到一組很火很火的女人與男人打分的漫畫頭像，我們不得不承認一個事實，那就是，外表是一個人最為直觀、最為表層的一面，他人想認識你，必須要從你的外貌上做判斷與估算，老一輩人所說的“只要心靈美，外表美不美無所謂”的時代早已經(jīng)離我們遠去。甚至很多婚戀機構，男女人找對象更為看重“眼緣”,所謂的“眼緣”不就是你個人的形象問題嗎？

因此，我們不可否認，有的時候，你沒有遇上那個對的人，很可能從某些方面來講，你的正面形象不符合心儀的人的擇偶標準，所以，面對這類問題，我們就要從自身的形象上著手改變自我。只有擺脫形象焦慮的人，才能優(yōu)先找到自己心儀的另一半。

其次，多交朋友，多參加社團活動，擺脫社交恐懼感帶來的束縛。很多時候，你找不到那個對的人，一方面是因為自己的交際圈太小，每天都是兩點一線，根本無法認識新朋友，另外一方面，是因為惰性而不愿意社交和相親，導致和真愛失之交臂，針對這種情況，我們就必須要克服自己內(nèi)心的懶惰思維了。王瀟老師也曾經(jīng)在她的書《三觀易碎》中提到：你可以不戀愛，但是不能不約會。因為只有通過約會，你才能知道自己到底適合什么樣的人。

有人又會提出質(zhì)疑：相親約會次數(shù)多了，會對人造成一定的傷害！相親不是逛菜市場，一方面沒有目標的隨意相親，浪費時間和精力。另一方面，相親次數(shù)多了，如果都不成功，會對自己個人的魅力和價值產(chǎn)生懷疑，從而也會造成不小的打擊。其實啊，這些言論也可能是對的，確實是有這種問題。但是，親愛的，你若是都不約會，都不去社交，你怎么能從失敗的相親經(jīng)驗中總結出教訓呢？如果你這么封閉與保守，你怎么有辦法去尋找適合自己的真愛呢？

事實證明，你看的人多了以后，或多或少會有不一樣的經(jīng)歷和感覺，知道自己適合什么類型的，知道怎么針對性的找，此外，相親的量多了以后，也確實會遇上個別你有好感或者他對你有好感的，有好感是成功的第一步，只有邁出第一步，才會有下文?。∫虼?，我認為，瀟灑姐的那句話是有道理的。因此，多去社交是我們提高成功率的不二途徑。

最后，展示自己的內(nèi)核與風采。想讓你的心儀對象對你有一定的好感，主動展現(xiàn)自己的內(nèi)在是必不可少的。因為除卻外表，你至少要具備一定的素養(yǎng)和內(nèi)涵，才會讓人對你刮目相看。人們常常說：外表決定我們能不能在一起，而內(nèi)涵決定我們能走多久，所以說，展示自己的風采和魅力是必不可少的。從來不會有人喜歡一個沒有內(nèi)核與涵養(yǎng)的人，因此，要想讓你喜歡的人從心底上喜歡你，必須要用你的內(nèi)涵吸引對方。

《內(nèi)向性格者愛情指南》給我們科普了很多有趣的現(xiàn)象以及一些實用的方法，如果有一天，你有幸的進入一段親密關系，你如何讓戀情走的更加的長久？

總結了書中的三點，首先呢，我們必須要承認，與人交往是一門很高深的學問。談戀愛從本質(zhì)上來講，就是一門溝通的藝術學，因為要獲得所謂的親密關系，溝通是必不可少的，戀愛包含了親密關系和溝通的藝術。我們應該怎么做才能讓自己的戀情更加長久呢？

第一：學做一個會溝通、會表達的人。我們從很多對分手的情侶相處模式中總能總結出一定的道理和相通的地方，你和你的對象相處不好，或者你沒有吸引到你心儀的對象，很大程度上，你要反思一下自己的表達能力或者溝通方面有沒有相應的問題。

我覺得作為一個思想獨立的成年人，一方面情緒穩(wěn)定是必不可少的，另外一方面，做一個會表達、會溝通的人很重要。它直接決定了你能不能談好這段戀愛。尤其是表達和溝通，其實是一門大學問，我們的素質(zhì)教育往往沒有普及這一方面的知識，但是不得不承認的是，溝通是一種能力，不管是戀愛也好，還是平常的生活交流也好，我們?nèi)祟?，永遠離不開“溝通”這兩個字。如果你是一個不善于表達自我的人，我認為培養(yǎng)親密關系的第一步，就是必須要學會與提升正向的溝通與表達，只有把這一基礎的問題解決好，你才能在戀愛這一事情上進展順利。

第二：不斷保持進步的學習態(tài)度，保持新鮮感。都說戀愛是一個動態(tài)的過程，不是一潭死水，兩個人在一起，如果步伐不一致，很有可能會被淘汰或者出局，有句話說的好：“你只有拼命奔跑，才能留在原地?！币虼艘氚岩欢侮P系搞好，就必須要不間斷的充實自己，同時也要注意與戀人之間互相保持一定的神秘感，沒有神秘感的戀情必然是索然無味的，因此，進入親密關系以后，我們必須要不間斷的進步并且保持新鮮感。

第三：學會調(diào)整自己的心態(tài)和預期。很多時候，我們要承認，愛情并不是瑪麗蘇劇情里面描繪的那么唯美與精彩，更多的時候，是柴米油鹽醬醋茶。兩個人相處久了以后，必然也會有不少的小摩擦與矛盾，適當?shù)恼{(diào)整自己的心理預期，和交往對象主動的溝通之間存在的問題，不要做過分或者沖動的事情，總是會有助于戀情的發(fā)展的，有的時候，人遇到不順心的事情，難免會想去指責自己的身邊的對象，這時候，你在發(fā)火之前，必須要控制好自己的心態(tài)和想法，有問題不要光發(fā)泄自己的情緒，冷靜一分鐘之后再去表達自己的想法，你會發(fā)現(xiàn)，原來事情真的沒有你想象中來的那么的槽糕。

第四：不要對交往對象表現(xiàn)出嫌棄之情，你的嫌棄，他是能感受到的，我認為，如果你嫌棄一個人，就不應該和他交往，但是如果你想和對方交往，就不能表現(xiàn)出嫌棄的情緒，也就是我們老生常談的“不要一邊嫌棄一邊愛”.另外，比較關鍵的一點，就是要多學會贊美和夸獎你的伴侶，在情感上給予對方一定的支持和安全感，俗話說“信任的基礎是我會維護你的利益”,“安全感來源于你的支持與理解”,只有多多欣賞和夸獎對黨，兩個人今后的道路才會越走越平順。

總結：不管你是否有一個令自己滿意的對象還是說目前仍然在擇偶尋覓當中，我們一定要記得：先克服自己的自卑情結與焦慮的情緒，對待愛人學會溝通與表達，遇到摩擦時，正向的輸入自己的情感，只有先做好自己，才會遇到那個讓你滿意的他。

第四篇：內(nèi)向者的力量[TED]

TED 演講稿

Susan Cain : The Power of Introverts

When I was nine years old I went off to summer camp for the first time.And my mother packed me a suitcase full of books, which to me seemed like a perfectly natural thing to do.Because in my family, reading was the primary group activity.And this might sound antisocial to you, but for us it was really just a different way of being social.You have the animal warmth of your family sitting right next to you, but you are also free to go roaming around the adventureland inside your own mind.And I had this idea that camp was going to be just like this, but better.(Laughter)I had a vision of 10 girls sitting in a cabin cozily reading books in their matching nightgowns.(Laughter)

Camp was more like a keg party without any alcohol.And on the very first day our counselor gathered us all together and she taught us a cheer that she said we would be doing every day for the rest of the summer to instill camp spirit.And it went like this: “R-O-W-D-I-E, that's the way we spell rowdie.Rowdie, rowdie, let's get rowdie.” Yeah.So I couldn't figure out for the life of me why we were supposed to be so rowdy, or why we had to spell this word incorrectly.(Laughter)But I recited a cheer.I recited a cheer along with everybody else.I did my best.And I just waited for the time that I could go off and read my books.But the first time that I took my book out of my suitcase, the coolest girl in the bunk came up to me and she asked me, “Why are you being so mellow?”--mellow, of course, being the exact opposite of R-O-W-D-I-E.And then the second time I tried it, the counselor came up to me with a concerned expression on her face and she repeated the point about camp spirit and said we should all work very hard to be outgoing.And so I put my books away, back in their suitcase, and I put them under my bed, and there they stayed for the rest of the summer.And I felt kind of guilty about this.I felt as if the books needed me somehow, and they were calling out to me and I was forsaking them.But I did forsake them and I didn't open that suitcase again until I was back home with my family at the end of the summer.Now, I tell you this story about summer camp.I could have told you 50 others just like it--all the times that I got the message that somehow my quiet and introverted style of being was not necessarily the right way to go, that I should be trying to pass as more of an extrovert.And I always sensed deep down that this was wrong and that introverts were pretty excellent just as they were.But for years I denied this intuition, and so I became a Wall Street lawyer, of all things, instead of the writer that I had always longed to be--partly because I needed to prove to myself that I could be bold and assertive too.And I was always going off to crowded bars when I really would have preferred to just have a nice dinner with friends.And I made these self-negating choices so reflexively, that I wasn't even aware that I was making them.TED 演講稿

Now this is what many introverts do, and it's our loss for sure, but it is also our colleagues' loss and our communities' loss.And at the risk of sounding grandiose, it is the world's loss.Because when it comes to creativity and to leadership, we need introverts doing what they do best.A third to a half of the population are introverts--a third to a half.So that's one out of every two or three people you know.So even if you're an extrovert yourself, I'm talking about your coworkers and your spouses and your children and the person sitting next to you right now--all of them subject to this bias that is pretty deep and real in our society.We all internalize it from a very early age without even having a language for what we're doing.Now to see the bias clearly you need to understand what introversion is.It's different from being shy.Shyness is about fear of social judgment.Introversion is more about, how do you respond to stimulation, including social stimulation.So extroverts really crave large amounts of stimulation, whereas introverts feel at their most alive and their most switched-on and their most capable when they're in quieter, more low-key environments.Not all the time--these things aren't absolute--but a lot of the time.So the key then to maximizing our talents is for us all to put ourselves in the zone of stimulation that is right for us.But now here's where the bias comes in.Our most important institutions, our schools and our workplaces, they are designed mostly for extroverts and for extroverts' need for lots of stimulation.And also we have this belief system right now that I call the new groupthink, which holds that all creativity and all productivity comes from a very oddly gregarious place.So if you picture the typical classroom nowadays: When I was going to school, we sat in rows.We sat in rows of desks like this, and we did most of our work pretty autonomously.But nowadays, your typical classroom has pods of desks--four or five or six or seven kids all facing each other.And kids are working in countless group assignments.Even in subjects like math and creative writing, which you think would depend on solo flights of thought;kids are now expected to act as committee members.And for the kids who prefer to go off by themselves or just to work alone, those kids are seen as outliers often or, worse, as problem cases.And the vast majority of teachers reports believing that the ideal student is an extrovert as opposed to an introvert, even though introverts actually get better grades and are more knowledgeable, according to research.(Laughter)

Okay, same thing is true in our workplaces.Now, most of us work in open plan offices,without walls, where we are subject to the constant noise and gaze of our coworkers.And when it comes to leadership, introverts are routinely passed over for leadership positions,even though introverts tend to be very careful, much less likely to take outsize risks--which is something we might all favor nowadays.And interesting research by Adam Grant at the Wharton School has found that introverted leaders often deliver better outcomes than extroverts do, because when they are managing proactive employees, they're much more likely to let those employees run with their ideas, whereas an extrovert can, quite unwittingly, get so excited about things that they're putting their own stamp on things, and other people's ideas might not as easily then bubble up to the surface.TED 演講稿

Now in fact, some of our transformative leaders in history have been introverts.I'll give you some examples.Eleanor Roosevelt, Rosa Parks, Gandhi--all these peopled described themselves as quiet and soft-spoken and even shy.And they all took the spotlight, even though every bone in their bodies was telling them not to.And this turns out to have a special power all its own, because people could feel that these leaders were at the helm,not because they enjoyed directing others and not out of the pleasure of being looked at;they were there because they had no choice, because they were driven to do what they thought was right.Now I think at this point it's important for me to say that I actually love extroverts.I always like to say some of my best friends are extroverts, including my beloved husband.And we all fall at different points, of course, along the introvert/extrovert spectrum.Even Carl Jung, the psychologist who first popularized these terms, said that there's no such thing as a pure introvert or a pure extrovert.He said that such a man would be in a lunatic asylum, if he existed at all.And some people fall smack in the middle of the introvert/extrovert spectrum,and we call these people ambiverts.And I often think that they have the best of all worlds.But many of us do recognize ourselves as one type or the other.And what I'm saying is that culturally we need a much better balance.We need more of a yin and yang between these two types.This is especially important when it comes to creativity and to productivity, because when psychologists look at the lives of the most creative people, what they find are people who are very good at exchanging ideas and advancing ideas, but who also have a serious streak of introversion in them.And this is because solitude is a crucial ingredient often to creativity.So Darwin, he took long walks alone in the woods and emphatically turned down dinner party invitations.Theodor Geisel, better known as Dr.Seuss, he dreamed up many of his amazing creationsin a lonely bell tower office that he had in the back of his house in La Jolla, California.And he was actually afraid to meet the young children who read his books for fear that they were expecting him this kind of jolly Santa Claus-like figure and would be disappointed with his more reserved persona.Steve Wozniak invented the first Apple computer sitting alone in his cubical in Hewlett-Packard where he was working at the time.And he says that he never would have become such an expert in the first place had he not been too introverted to leave the house when he was growing up.Now of course, this does not mean that we should all stop collaborating--and case in point, is Steve Wozniak famously coming together with Steve Jobs to start Apple Computer--but it does mean that solitude matters and that for some people it is the air that they breathe.And in fact, we have known for centuries about the transcendent power of solitude.It's only recently that we've strangely begun to forget it.If you look at most of the world's major religions, you will find seekers--Moses, Jesus, Buddha, Muhammad--seekers who are going off by themselves alone to the wilderness where they then have profound epiphanies and revelations that they then bring back to the rest of the community.So no wilderness, no revelations.TED 演講稿

This is no surprise though if you look at the insights of contemporary psychology.It turns out that we can't even be in a group of people without instinctively mirroring, mimicking their opinions.Even about seemingly personal and visceral things like who you're attracted to,you will start aping the beliefs of the people around you without even realizing that that's what you're doing.And groups famously follow the opinions of the most dominant or charismatic person in the room, even though there's zero correlation between being the best talker and having the best ideas--I mean zero.So...(Laughter)You might be following the person with the best ideas, but you might not.And do you really want to leave it up to chance? Much better for everybody to go off by themselves, generate their own ideas freed from the distortions of group dynamics, and then come together as a team to talk them through in a well-managed environment and take it from there.Now if all this is true, then why are we getting it so wrong? Why are we setting up our schools this way and our workplaces? And why are we making these introverts feel so guiltyabout wanting to just go off by themselves some of the time? One answer lies deep in our cultural history.Western societies, and in particular the U.S., have always favored the man of action over the man of contemplation and “man” of contemplation.But in America's early days, we lived in what historians call a culture of character, where we still, at that point, valued people for their inner selves and their moral rectitude.And if you look at the self-help books from this era, they all had titles with things like “Character, the Grandest Thing in the World.” And they featured role models like Abraham Lincoln who was praised for being modest and unassuming.Ralph Waldo Emerson called him “A man who does not offend by superiority.” But then we hit the 20th century and we entered a new culture that historians call the culture of personality.What happened is we had evolved an agricultural economy to a world of big business.And so suddenly people are moving from small towns to the cities.And instead of working alongside people they've known all their lives, now they are having to prove themselves in a crowd of strangers.So, quite understandably, qualities like magnetism and charisma suddenly come to seem really important.And sure enough, the self-help books change to meet these new needs and they start to have names like “How to Win Friends and Influence People.” And they feature as their role models really great salesmen.So that's the world we're living in today.That's our cultural inheritance.Now none of this is to say that social skills are unimportant, and I'm also not calling for the abolishing of teamwork at all.The same religions who send their sages off to lonely mountain tops also teach us love and trust.And the problems that we are facing today in fields like science and in economics are so vast and so complex that we are going to need armies of people coming together to solve them working together.But I am saying that the more freedom that we give introverts to be themselves, the more likely that they are to come up with their own unique solutions to these problems.So now I'd like to share with you what's in my suitcase today.Guess what? Books.I have a suitcase full of books.Here's Margaret Atwood, “Cat's Eye.” Here's a novel by Milan Kundera.And here's “The Guide for the Perplexed” by Maimonides.But these are not exactly

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my books.I brought these books with me because they were written by my grandfather's favorite authors.My grandfather was a rabbi and he was a widower who lived alone in a small apartment in Brooklyn that was my favorite place in the world when I was growing up, partly because it was filled with his very gentle, very courtly presence and partly because it was filled with books.I mean literally every table, every chair in this apartment had yielded its original function to now serve as a surface for swaying stacks of books.Just like the rest of my family, my grandfather's favorite thing to do in the whole world was to read.But he also loved his congregation, and you could feel this love in the sermons that he gaveevery week for the 62 years that he was a rabbi.He would takes the fruits of each week's reading and he would weave these intricate tapestries of ancient and humanist thought.And people would come from all over to hear him speak.But here's the thing about my grandfather.Underneath this ceremonial role, he was really modest and really introverted--so much so that when he delivered these sermons, he had trouble making eye contact with the very same congregation that he had been speaking to for 62 years.And even away from the podium, when you called him to say hello, he would often end the conversation prematurely for fear that he was taking up too much of your time.But when he died at the age of 94, the police had to close down the streets of his neighborhood to accommodate the crowd of people who came out to mourn him.And so these days I try to learn from my grandfather's example in my own way.So I just published a book about introversion, and it took me about seven years to write.And for me, that seven years was like total bliss, because I was reading, I was writing, I was thinking, I was researching.It was my version of my grandfather's hours of the day alone in his library.But now all of a sudden my job is very different, and my job is to be out here talking about it, talking about introversion.(Laughter)And that's a lot harder for me, because as honored as I am to be here with all of you right now, this is not my natural milieu.So I prepared for moments like these as best I could.I spent the last year practicing public speaking every chance I could get.And I call this my “year of speaking dangerously.”(Laughter)And that actually helped a lot.But I'll tell you, what helps even more is my sense, my belief, my hope that when it comes to our attitudes to introversion and to quiet and to solitude, we truly are poised on the brink on dramatic change.I mean, we are.And so I am going to leave you now with three calls for action for those who share this vision.Number one: Stop the madness for constant group work.Just stop it.(Laughter)Thank you.(Applause)And I want to be clear about what I'm saying, because I deeply believe our offices should be encouraging casual, chatty cafe-style types of interactions--you know, the kind where people come together and serendipitously have an exchange of ideas.That is great.It's great for introverts and it's great for extroverts.But we need much more privacy and much more freedom and much more autonomy at work.School, same thing.We need to be

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teaching kids to work together, for sure, but we also need to be teaching them how to work on their own.This is especially important for extroverted children too.They need to work on their own because that is where deep thought comes from in part.Okay, number two: Go to the wilderness.Be like Buddha, have your own revelations.I'm not saying that we all have to now go off and build our own cabins in the woods and never talk to each other again, but I am saying that we could all stand to unplug and get inside our own heads a little more often.Number three: Take a good look at what's inside your own suitcase and why you put it there.So extroverts, maybe your suitcases are also full of books.Or maybe they're full of champagne glasses or skydiving equipment.Whatever it is, I hope you take these things out every chance you get and grace us with your energy and your joy.But introverts, you being you, you probably have the impulse to guard very carefully what's inside your own suitcase.And that's okay.But occasionally, just occasionally, I hope you will open up your suitcases for other people to see, because the world needs you and it needs the things you carry.So I wish you the best of all possible journeys and the courage to speak softly.Thank you very much.(Applause)Thank you.Thank you.(Applause)

第五篇：內(nèi)向者的勵志篇

內(nèi)向者的勵志篇

1999年7月，巴菲特在太陽谷的銀行年會上發(fā)表演講。演講先用自嘲來開場，他說自己是個害怕公開演講的人，更喜歡把自己關在辦公室里，以至于他得參加卡內(nèi)基的課程來學習如何克服內(nèi)向。在這次演講中，巴菲特30年來首次公開預測，互聯(lián)網(wǎng)的牛市不會長久。顯然，大家沒把他的預測當真。五個月后，時代華納與美國在線宣布合并。交易完成次日，《紐約時報》頭版的大標題是《特德。特納：比性生活還好》。特德。特納--時代華納最大股東，一個極其外向的人--把這次合并決策與自己第一次性經(jīng)歷相提并論，“無比激動、熱情洋溢”?？上У诙?，正如巴菲特預言的那樣，互聯(lián)網(wǎng)泡沫破裂，時代華納的股東為這次合并損失了2000億美元。

這些跟內(nèi)向和外向有什么關系呢？當我們投資時，難道不是所有人都會有失去自制力的時候嗎？沒錯，只是有些人會失去更多罷了。有研究表明，外向型投資者更有可能陷入過度回報敏感，而內(nèi)向者會更多地注意到警示信號，較好地控制自己渴望激動的情緒。另一項針對64名投資銀行投資人的研究發(fā)現(xiàn)，表現(xiàn)最優(yōu)的往往是情緒穩(wěn)定的內(nèi)向者。

《安靜：內(nèi)向性格的競爭力》對內(nèi)向者的研究遠不限于投資領域。事實上，它是一本關于內(nèi)向者的理論、實驗成果、可能解釋以及人生經(jīng)歷的集大成之書。作者蘇珊。凱恩是個本性沉默內(nèi)向的女人，但同時又是華爾街律師，這種巨大的反差曾給她帶來難以面對的恐懼和煩惱。華爾街以及整個商業(yè)社會，都認同她稱之為“外向理想型”的價值系統(tǒng)，即最理想的自我狀態(tài)是善于交際的、健談的、喜歡行動冒險、自如于聚光燈下。蘇珊在“外向理想型”社會環(huán)境中掙扎求生并成功，同時又保持本性的經(jīng)歷，是這本書最初的緣起。

從某種意義上說，這是一本寫給內(nèi)向讀者的勵志書。如果他們第一次知道，比爾。蓋茨、蓋伊。川崎、馬克。扎克伯格這些企業(yè)家都是內(nèi)向人格時，會不會心生安慰呢？但僅僅講述一些內(nèi)向名人或普通人的成功故事，就太淺薄了。令人驚嘆的是，蘇珊援引了內(nèi)向性格研究的大量最新學術成果，有理有據(jù)地展示了，在一個喋喋不休的世界里，保持安靜沉默的優(yōu)勢與潛在力量。

內(nèi)向并非次一等的性格，但當內(nèi)向者需要表現(xiàn)不同的自我時，該如何應對？蘇珊給出的答案來自利特爾教授。開創(chuàng)“自由特質(zhì)理論”的利特爾教授，是個超級內(nèi)向者，同時又是成功演講家。有一次，他告訴著名脫口秀主持人佐斯奇：“每次演講結束后，我會躲進第9個廁所間?！弊羲蛊娲鸬溃骸懊看喂?jié)目結束，我會躲進第8 個?！边@不是笑話，很多人都處在某種程度的外向偽裝中。利特爾教授認為，內(nèi)向者可以在某些“個人核心項目”中超越自己的性格限制，換言之，內(nèi)向者可以為了他們認為重要的工作、愛的人，或者任何他們重視的事情表現(xiàn)出外向者的一面。關鍵是用正確的步驟確定自己的“個人核心項目”，這樣當內(nèi)向者戴上外向面具時，只是為了一項值得的任務作出的暫時改變，而不是自我否定。另一個法寶是“恢復壁龕”。它可能是空間上的，比如利特爾教授的廁所間；也可能是時間上的，就像兩個工作會議之間為自己留出的音樂空隙。

作為一個內(nèi)向的作者，蘇珊已經(jīng)講了太多。但最終的答案，仍然是“做你自己”。